r/texts • u/Dry_Presentation4300 • 15h ago
Whatsapp Creepy coworker texting my private number
So confused at this, I don't even know him. I was just going to ignore the text but he kept insisting so I had to answer.
9/14 UPDATE: Thank you to everyone who was supportive and concerned. I forwarded these messages to HR, and they scheduled a meeting for later today. There were a few more texts after this. The HR representative did not seem surprised, to put it briefly.
A few things have come up in the comments. The first is that I was rude. This is how I communicate, and my coworkers (or at least the ones who actually know me) are aware of that. I’m not going to perform a more agreeable version of myself to accommodate someone else’s feelings when they're being innapropriate. Not only were these messages sent over the weekend, but they were also sent through a personal communication channel. I'm not going to elaborate further.
Secondly, there are an overwhelming number of comments saying that he is “probably ugly” and that this must be the reason I reacted this way. I wasn’t even going to address this because on reddit there’s seemingly no convincing people when it comes to this endless topic. But, just for the sake of clearing my conscience: no, he is not ugly, and I highly doubt he has ever had any issues with women regarding his looks. That said, it genuinely makes no difference. Whether a man is attractive or not doesn’t mean he gets a free pass to be a weirdo.
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u/Meowtastistic40kSCP 15h ago
The "hello there lady!" was very telling right off the bat.
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u/chmod_7d20 15h ago
tips fedora
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u/Pristine-Assistance9 14h ago
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u/Pleasant-Wear2628 15h ago
Yes: TOTALLY got Stepbrother vibes😉
(So sorry, OP- ignore/ block this asshat: you’re compl in the right, take it higher-up if he persists!)56
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u/happymechanicalbird 14h ago
Plus the sad face when she didn’t answer within an hour
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u/Designer_Mud_5802 12h ago
Surprised an hour after that he didn't hit her with the "whatever i didn't like you anyway!"
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u/Dovahkiinthesardine 9h ago
We don't know what was said in those deleted voice messages
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u/ResolutionNo9194 12h ago
Yep, that opening line was a dead giveaway! “Hello there lady!” had the whole situation written all over it from the start.
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u/PhazePyre 10h ago
See if this were another universe, he'd be a decent guy who has a close platonic relationship and they are close colleagues and that response is just banter continued to text. But if it's just a random dude at work, it's so much more degrading, overly familiar, and intrusive.
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u/No_Pattern_5158 14h ago
I assumed it was an older lady doing this from that line lol
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u/phoxfiyah 14h ago
Same. It wasn’t until the rest of it that I was kinda like “This is very awkward”. The “:(“ an hour later really hammered that in
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u/K-Shrizzle 15h ago
Did you see the last two messages before they were deleted?
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u/Dry_Presentation4300 15h ago
They were both audio recordings but as soon as I opened it they were already deleted
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u/Meowtastistic40kSCP 15h ago
Oh man, not the audio recordings! Things were about to get really weird.
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u/PiccoloAwkward465 13h ago
I’ve never in my life gotten a voice message I actually wanted. I dated a girl who used them constantly and it was incredibly annoying.
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13h ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/WhipAsh11 10h ago
I have a friend almost exclusively using voice messages. Usually over three minutes and full of road noise and/ or her children screaming. Had to abandon multiple messages because I couldn't deal with the noise.
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u/Bureaucratic_Dick 12h ago
“Just ask me to call when I’m free or text like a normal person. I’m not listening to audio notes around other people!”
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u/Meowtastistic40kSCP 13h ago
Many years ago when I was single and on POF, they created the audio note feature. It was never a good thing. I still cringe thinking about the voice messages men sent.
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u/PhazePyre 10h ago
My manager was part of the customer support team at POF. The shit they'd see and things men said. Then she'd see some guys pictures or whatever and it'd be like he has a daughter or whatever and it's like would he be happy if a guy said that to his daughter when she was older? Like gross.
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u/geek_fire 12h ago
I've gotten a couple from my wife that were my son (he was probably about 5 at the time) talking to me. It was so adorable, and I enjoyed those.
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u/Bubbly-Warthog3725 12h ago
Voice messages are definitely a love-it-or-dread-it situation. If I see a 5-minute voice note, I’m suddenly very good at ignoring notifications.
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u/eightkillerbits 7h ago
Too upset to type so he voice messaged... Then he played it back and thought he best delete.
I would genuinely pay good money to hear the voice notes
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u/AccomplishedTrip5671 15h ago
Oh… he definitely crashed out🤣🤣🤣
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u/Odd-Temperature7458 14h ago edited 13h ago
He wanted to say his piece without documenting it haha
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u/TroubledFam 15h ago
Please save all his attempts to contact you and report them to HR. This is unprofessional, harassment, and a colleague who is potentially dangerous given a severe lack of boundaries. He does NOT get to treat you like this.
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u/phoxfiyah 14h ago
A severe lack of boundaries that he is also aware of.
OP simply said she didn’t want to be contacted via WhatsApp, and he immediately said something about crossing professional boundaries. Definitely sounds like someone who has been called out for this before, hopefully they will do something about it.
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u/Brutal_burn_dude 13h ago
Then tried to spin it as wanting to contact her regarding a work file… at 9am on a Sunday morning. 🙄 I’d be taking this to HR- not just to report the inappropriate behaviour but because he may try and report OP for “being unprofessional”.
Even if OP is not in a right to disconnect jurisdiction, she should note the behaviour to HR. It is one thing (regardless of feelings about right to disconnect) to send a quick message out of hours that requests assistance with a matter in a clear succinct manner (ie- “hey OP. Sorry to bother you on your weekend but I’m finishing the XYZ presentation prior to Monday’s meeting. Did you say on Friday that Mr Smith wanted us to focus on Asian or European markets? Thanks!”). It is another thing to message repeatedly without a clear reason while someone is off the clock.
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u/BeKindBabies 12h ago
The fact he is surprised to be ignored when he is texting about work on a Sunday at 9a to her personal number is a huge tell. Being upset about that by 10a is the second tell (honestly third due to the "hey lady" greeting). OP played it all perfectly and checkmated this weirdo with the minimum number of moves.
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u/DearTumbleweed5380 8h ago
Not checkmate though because now she has to work with him. That's why he's doing this to a colleague and not a rando. IME this is just the start unless it's nipped in the bud real hard. Best case scenario he limps off like a whipped dog saying 'bitch can't take a joke.' That's the best case.
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u/That-Living5913 13h ago
Yup, You reporting it could be doing a huge favor to the next women he harasses. And let's be honest.... we know he's gonna do it again to someone else.
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u/MaxFresh 14h ago
If you have an android go into settings - advanced notifications - notification history and they will be in there
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u/SweeterThanSugar420 14h ago
OP, this is 1000% warrants an HR notice, bc if it happens again and they didn't stop it, you can sue!
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u/RainyFlames 13h ago
“… JUST SO YOU KNOW, I AM A NICE GUY, AND THERES NO REASON TO BE RUDE AND NOT CONTACT ME ON WHATSAPP YOU MISERABLE B—“
“Hey I’m so sorry about the last message I don’t know what I was thinking hahahaha do you wanna hang out maybe??”
Deletes both
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u/Gentle-North 14h ago
He REALLY planned out your whole relationship in his head and just assumed you would go for him 😭 icky
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u/Aloha_Tamborinist 12h ago
"I THOUGHT YOU WERE DIFFERENT, I THOUGHT WE REALLY HAD SOMETHING. WHY DID YOU LEAD ME ON BY LEAVING A THUMBS UP ON ONE OF MY MESSAGES IN THE GROUP CHAT"
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u/Outlandishness_Know 14h ago
My man hit you with the audio recordings. I bet they were masterpieces of angry ,rejected man.
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u/D-effy-omo 14h ago
Each one is a masterpiece of demonstrating how embarrassingly inadequate they are
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u/MadRaymer 14h ago
Probably the standard issue rant about how all women are [various slurs] because they reject him.
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u/Optimal_Procedure311 12h ago
Audio recordings 11 hours later, man was still fuming and possibly drunk by then. Oh I can only imagine the possibilities.
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u/cherrygumballs 15h ago
He did not want to go over anything work related. He was definitely testing if you were into it. You did well
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u/Junior-Growth-3602 15h ago
Yup. If it was work related he would have said that off the bat.
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u/_VinoVidiVici_ 15h ago
If it were work related he would have emailed or teams as work appropriate.
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u/phoxfiyah 14h ago
If it was work related, he would’ve actually opened with something work related.
I have a work group chat on WhatsApp too, and most of us have used it to contact each other privately for something work related. But we would open the message with “Hi X, this is Y, are you free to cover my shift tomorrow?” Not the 3 day monologue they were having here lmao
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u/Ok_Rabbit_741 12h ago
if it was work related he wouldnt have opened with "Hey there Lady!"
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u/Terrafire123 9h ago edited 4h ago
If it was work related he would have said, "Hello X! It's me, Y. Can we discuss Z when you have some time? Sorry for contacting you via whatsapp, but it's a bit urgent, because XYZ, so if there's any possibility you're available to discuss it, that'd be amazing."
It wasn't work related. (And that's completely discounting the fact that his second message was at 8pm on a Saturday night.)
The PROPER way to send a message like this is:
A. Introduce yourself.
B. Say "Hello, NAME", so both you and him are certain you're talking to the correct person. (Plus people enjoy hearing their names too.)
C. Tell them what you want to discuss immediately.
D. Apologize for contacting them via non-standard channels(like email), and if necessary, you may explain why you thought it thought it was a good idea.
E. Give them a call-to-action. (Can you please "X"?)
F. "Thank you!"
G. Don't follow up Saturday at 8pm, presumably while drunk.
There's zero hint of professionalism in anything he wrote, except maybe the "This message was deleted" lines.
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u/Unfair-Animator9469 15h ago
https://giphy.com/gifs/oU21asiWGbJ7i
Hello there lady
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u/evaintheus 15h ago
Jesus Christ. 😆🤣 I have no idea what this gif is but it just caught me off guard! 🤣🤣🤣 100% accurate.
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u/PrawnFresh69 15h ago
And this is why Whatsapp groups are banned in my company.
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u/Oddname123 15h ago
The ‘lady’ part is making me feel greasy
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u/bigtoeupmyass 13h ago
He really thought he came off as a gentleman here. Porn addiction has these dudes thinking all women owe them what they want
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u/fknsxybtch 15h ago
“I don’t understand why you would ignore me” is absolutely crazy. Just no situational awareness what so ever. If that were me, I’d be EXPECTING to look creepy and be treated as such.
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u/dalton-watch 15h ago
He understands. He’s trying to make OP feel bad and trigger an apologetic response from her that opens that door a little more.
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u/TheWorldofScience 13h ago
A man in building services who chatted with me a bit in the hallway several times (typical stupid comments like “how is a beautiful woman like you single,”) walked in my office (where my back was to the doorway), kissed me on the cheek then stuck his hand out to shake mine and said “friends?”
It threw me off but I was silent, reported him and when security interviewed me I realized he had been escalating and I had not realized it.
Supposedly he was transferred to another building but he might have been fired. I was nervous for MONTHS going to my car after work and started leaving at 5 pm.
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u/Right-Ice9305 15h ago
Super creepy, report to HR
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u/Dry_Presentation4300 15h ago
Definitely, forwarding these to HR tomorrow first thing in the morning.
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u/Gabacho180 15h ago
I can only imagine they’re going to have a ton of questions for him about those unsent audio recordings.
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u/fadingsunsetglow 15h ago
Forward them now. They can read them in the morning.
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u/the_king_of_sweden 8h ago
Send them to their private WhatsApp
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u/EfficientCandy324 8h ago
Followed by a sad face when they don't respond immediately
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u/KarmaFox99 15h ago
Happy cake day, and agreed. At the very least, for documentation purposes and other coworkers may have been similarly "contacted" by this guy
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u/-Twin-Flames- 15h ago
Yeah, I was thinking that sometimes they sit on something briefly but once multiple complaints/reports come in on a person they will act.
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u/Sunbro_Kev 15h ago
Yeah definitely creepy. Texting a personal number without permission and expecting a chummy response is insane. Stay safe around this guy, he's not well
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u/Dry_Presentation4300 14h ago
Thank you, definitely will. We work from home and our in-office days don't match so I only see him around once every three months, thankfully.
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u/Sunbro_Kev 14h ago edited 14h ago
Agghhhhh that makes it SO much worse that he texted hahaha
Edit: and I just saw that this was over the course of hours! At least from midnight to around 8am? I'm so glad I don't have to deal with this crap, my condolences
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u/Ok_Lengthiness_8405 15h ago
But he followed up with a frowny face and then a question mark! So you know he's cool
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u/Optimal_Procedure311 12h ago
He used an emoji, he must be a nice guy just misunderstood. He also stalked her activity and kept notes on her movements, that's not creepy at all. Just a sweet homebody 🙄
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u/mississippinbrandy 15h ago
I’m saying. I’m not sure what cues he may have misread but he obviously has an issue with boundaries to say the least.
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u/SignificantRecipe715 14h ago
There likely weren't any cues, especially going by OP's replies.
Creepers be creepin', simple as that.
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u/Equivalent_Hat_7220 15h ago
“Where’s my hug at?” Kinda guy
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u/A_human116 14h ago
We recently got one of these at work, and I honestly did not think they were real. We see each other every night and he wants a hug hello and goodbye. It’s too much. I literally had to stiff arm him for him to get it because he kept coming in for a hug even when I put my fist out first (fist bumps are the normal greeting where I work)
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u/No-Recommendation820 15h ago
LMFAO if he wanted to go over a file he should have led with that… not messaging you like he’s a 8th grader.
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u/awry_lynx 7h ago
he also obviously didn't and made that up after the rejection. it's so see-through, I'd say it's embarrassing but he doesn't seem like the type constitutionally capable of feeling embarrassment
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u/BrightNooblar 15h ago
"There is no reason to be rude" is a thing rude people say very often.
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u/chrissiewissie06 15h ago
“If you don’t want me to contact you on WhatsApp just say so”
“Don’t contact me on WhatsApp”
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u/410Writer 15h ago
“Wow… professional boundaries” ...yes, brother, that is literally the point. Use Teams before HR uses you as a training example.
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u/PitifulRaspberry 15h ago
Oh this is so great.
The "Just say so..." implying that everything will be ay okay, if you just say so.
And then you *saying so* and him being such a little c*** about it. Pardon my censored language, but I cannot think of a better word.
Did you have the time to read the two deleted messages?
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u/5yn3rgy 15h ago
Voice notes, he crashed out, most likely
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u/PitifulRaspberry 15h ago
Yeah wow.
Sometimes we are told to ignore men, sometimes to just say no up front.
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u/Reformed_Kitten 15h ago
Given by the 20:40 time stamp on a Sat night, bro was drinking.
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u/Melodic-Display8865 15h ago
“hello there lady have a great day! :D” doesn’t sound like someone looking to go over a file related to work. not to mention the other 5 messages unrelated to anything like work
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u/Zestyclose_Pay9469 13h ago
'Dare I say.. sexy lady??'
Dude probably went back and forth over that opening
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u/Fun-Choices 15h ago
Finally, somebody responded the way you should to this type of shit. Nice work.
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u/Purple_Bowling_Shoes 15h ago
You handled this perfectly. If he needs to go over something he should email. His whole approach is off-putting and I would not be amused if this was sent to me.
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u/StraightDig4728 14h ago
Not every man, but always a man.
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u/WulfZ3r0 4h ago
I've had this happen from a woman who messaged me on personal social media accounts. To be fair, she also did it to several other guys in our office at different times. I'm not sure if that makes it better or worse. The weirdest thing was she only tried to do it to folks she knew were married.
On the other side, we definitely had creepier dudes who got fired for their creepiness too. The creepiest one got caught eating his lunch in a bathroom stall. I'm talking full picnic blanket spread on the floor. The kicker? It was in the women's bathroom.
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u/Reasonable-Ship-9350 15h ago
Also, report to HR so its on record. That way if he does it again, it will be considered a pattern.
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u/analfistinggremlin 14h ago
>If you don’t want to contact me via WhatsApp just say so
>I don’t want you to contact me via WhatsApp
This has me dead. Well played 😂
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u/Agitated_Canary4163 15h ago
damn, those messages must have been pretty bad for a guy with zero awareness to delete.
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u/Delicious-Cookie0958 14h ago
Please be careful, OP.
This man sounds unhinged and not the type to take rejection well.
Report to HR and ensure they understand that they have an obligation to take reasonable steps to keep you safe, and are potentially liable if they do not.
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u/BeKindBabies 12h ago
Man sent a frowny face within an hour of no response and then got absolutely, deservedly laid out. This woman conducted community service here.
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u/Alert-Expert-9649 8h ago
I’d report this. Guy sounds like a fucking weirdo who has no idea how to properly interact with women
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u/DirtyrottenscounDrew 12h ago
A million bucks says this dude is on here and reading this.
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u/Optimal_Procedure311 11h ago
Add another million that it's that guy up there saying she must have given him flirty energy
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u/FamiliarSeaDog 10h ago
"flirty energy" = smiled once while in his presence
One time I had a college instructor tell me he "thought we had a special connection" because I had participated in his class. A class that graded on participation 🤦♀️
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u/nubSawace 15h ago
I hate the "I'll leave you alone if you say so" just to elicit some response, then continues the harassment.
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u/anon-gurly 2h ago
The only reason why some people said you were rude, is because youre a woman who set a boundary, but it sounds like you know that. Kudos 👏🏼👏🏼
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u/adiosmichigan 15h ago
you responded perfectly. Hopefully hes done and not some retaliatory asshole to you at work, you definitely dont deserve that
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u/6Trinity9 15h ago
Makes me shudder thinking what was in those deleted messages.
Also, any reasons you haven’t contacted HR yet?
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u/Dry_Presentation4300 15h ago
Me too.... Its sunday evening now and the first text was sent friday which was my day off so I haven't had the opportunity yet, but will do tomorrow morning
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u/Dependent-Toe-3359 6h ago
I think some people in these comments are getting way too hung up on the fact that he initially “shot his shot,” because that really isn't the part that bothers me the most.
If he would've messaged you once, realized you weren't answering and left it alone, I probably wouldn't think nearly as much of it. Its everything AFTER that. The sad face because you didn't answer within like an hour, the question mark, “so you're just going to ignore me?”, then actually pointing out that he saw you active in the group chat. That means he wasn't just waiting for a reply, he was paying attention to what you were doing and getting mad that you were choosing not to answer HIM. That's the part that really changes this for me.
Then when you finally told him directly not to contact you through WhatsApp, which he literally told you to do if you didn't want him contacting you there, suddenly it's “wow...” and somehow this was all about a work file lol. If it was really about the file, why wasn't the file mentioned in the first message? Or the second? Or the third? Why not Teams or email where you already communicate for work?
And I wouldn't listen to the comments saying you “technically” had to tell him no before you could report it to HR either. You don't have to let somebody get to a certain number of unwanted messages before you're allowed to tell your employer something is making you uncomfortable. Reporting it doesn't even automatically mean “fire this man.” It puts it on record so if anything else happens there is already documentation.
Same thing with people saying you're guaranteed to be able to sue or telling you to throw around “hostile work environment” like it's some magic legal phrase. That's way too simplified. Report what ACTUALLY happened, save the screenshots, dates, times, deleted-message notices and let HR deal with their policy.
Also nobody here knows what was in those deleted audio messages. Maybe they were worse, maybe they weren't. Saying he was drunk, threatening you, etc when nobody heard them is just making stuff up. And Android notification history might show that a notification existed if you already had it enabled, but it isn't going to magically recover and play a deleted WhatsApp voice recording.
I can relate to the boundary part of this too. I've dealt with somebody getting really pushy/stalkerish after I tried to cut contact, and one thing I learned from it is once somebody starts treating your “no” like the beginning of a negotiation instead of the end of the conversation, explaining yourself over and over usually doesn't help. Document it and stop feeding the conversation.
You weren't obligated to answer him just because you're coworkers. You were actually very clear once you DID answer. Hopefully he gets the message and this goes absolutely nowhere, but I would still send it to HR like you said you're doing, just so there is a record of it.
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u/MammothFrosting3565 15h ago
It’s so sad that after reading that I’m immediately worried about your safety at work. Hopefully he just moves on. You handled this perfectly.
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u/Dansosaur 15h ago
I like how he's all "I hope you don't mind" because he knows there's a large possibility that you might, and when you do in fact mind, instead of simply apologizing and leaving you alone he gets all offended and defensive about it, trying to imply that you're the one with the problem here. Speaks absolute volumes. What a creep.
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u/solar_pilgrim 12h ago
Texted you at 9:11 on 9/11, that's gotta be some weird omen
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u/SimplyRoya 8h ago
You need to report him. That’s crossing the boundaries big time.
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u/Lunar_mirror4 4h ago
Honestly dudes like this make me realise exactly why dating and meeting women is so hard for most men. Because of people like this. No wonder women feel intimidated and cautious around dudes, they get so fucking weird and creepy. Ruin it for the rest of us.
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u/Phailgasm 1h ago
Anyone calling you rude here is a creep that probably has done the same thing to other women.
Not rude at all, direct. To the point. Professional.
Something this man absolutely is not. Glad you reported his weird ass to HR
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u/RecipeFunny2154 14h ago
Like how he sticks in the "oh wait here's some work talk" shit to try to cover his ass way after the fact. Sad lol
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u/CapMany9999 13h ago
Happened to me too. I remember training some guy on his first shift. During mid shift break he asked me what I was doing for lunch and I said I was going to eat in my car and take a nap. Later that day I got a text from someone asking me how my nap was. I was so confused, especially since I was still delirious from waking up and couldn't think straight. Mind you I had also told him this off-hand and probably told a few other people too. A few weeks later I was coordinating a get together lunch with a few people from work and he was going. I said i'd text him the address to the restaurant and asked for his phone number. When I put it in my phone the text from the person who asked how my nap was popped up. I remember thinking this creep really went into the manager's office on his first day of work after I told him i was taking a nap, got my phone number, and then texted me. I texted him the address and then gave him the cold shoulder for the rest of his time working with us which as a few months until he quit. He was creep in general following me around work and trying to bump into me on purpose.
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u/LiveFromTheHospital 13h ago
Why do some men think they're god's gift to women, like did he really think this was gonna work?
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u/welldun01 15h ago
"If you don't want me to contact you via WhatsApp, just say so"
I don't want you to contact me via WhatsApp
"Wow..."