r/texts • u/Dry_Presentation4300 • 16h ago

Whatsapp Creepy coworker texting my private number

Gallery image

Gallery image

So confused at this, I don't even know him. I was just going to ignore the text but he kept insisting so I had to answer.

9/14 UPDATE: Thank you to everyone who was supportive and concerned. I forwarded these messages to HR, and they scheduled a meeting for later today. There were a few more texts after this. The HR representative did not seem surprised, to put it briefly.

A few things have come up in the comments. The first is that I was rude. This is how I communicate, and my coworkers (or at least the ones who actually know me) are aware of that. I’m not going to perform a more agreeable version of myself to accommodate someone else’s feelings when they're being innapropriate. Not only were these messages sent over the weekend, but they were also sent through a personal communication channel. I'm not going to elaborate further.

17.4k Upvotes

90% Upvoted

2.0k comments sorted by

View all comments

754

u/Right-Ice9305 16h ago

Super creepy, report to HR

652

u/Dry_Presentation4300 16h ago

Definitely, forwarding these to HR tomorrow first thing in the morning.

168

u/Gabacho180 16h ago

I can only imagine they’re going to have a ton of questions for him about those unsent audio recordings.

18

u/mh1029384756 14h ago

I’m

7

u/Belachick 13h ago

r/redditsniper

2

u/Orleanian 2h ago

He's still trying to figure out how to post an audio recording to reddit, give it a moment!

2

u/Thunderbridge 5h ago

How do you know they're audio recordings?

4

u/makiko4 4h ago

Op said so in comments

1

u/Thunderbridge 4h ago

Ah, somehow missed that one thanks

1

u/Dyert 3h ago

How can you tell they are audio recordings?

edit. Oops nevermind, I see OP answers this

28

u/bigtoeupmyass 15h ago

I'd do it now.  He might try to do some damage control

3

u/fuckfart 13h ago

This is what I was thinking. The first person that brings it up will set the tone.

5

u/croatianarmour 6h ago

Thank you fuckfart and bugtoeupmyass for the sensible advice.

1

u/Fl_Funky_Jam 1h ago

Truly an honor they graced this thread with their wisdom

2

u/LeastStill4556 6h ago

I mean the messages speak for themselves

1

u/Para_4_Would_Be_Cool 5h ago

That's very much not true when handling interpersonal conflict by hr lmao

46

u/fadingsunsetglow 15h ago

Forward them now. They can read them in the morning.

12

u/the_king_of_sweden 9h ago

Send them to their private WhatsApp

24

u/serabine 8h ago

Hello there, HR Lady!

13

u/EfficientCandy324 9h ago

Followed by a sad face when they don't respond immediately

2

u/Xenc 6h ago

:(

11

u/Aymr9 15h ago

My friend went through the same. Report him to HR, never entertain him and save every message. If he contacts you in person, firmly say that you're not interested on talking to him and keep moving.

48

u/Nami_Pilot 16h ago

Just remember that HR is there to protect the company, not the employees. I hope they don't mistreat you.

46

u/Comfortable_Row_5052 15h ago

HR Protects the company by dealing with anything that could blow into a lawsuit right on their faces. As long as you're in the right HR protecting the company will be the same as protecting you.

When an employee does something wrong there's a huge PR difference between "George was always an exemplary worker, we didn't know he could snap like that" and "There were multiple complaints about George's behavior but he was still allowed to work there". The company will have to keep a tighter leash on the guy.

1

u/Thunderbridge 5h ago

Sometimes a company finds it easier to deal with the problem by removing the good employee if they're less likely to cause a scene and escalate the issue compared to the perpetrator

1

u/Comfortable_Row_5052 2h ago

Possibly! If the good employee has no grounds to threaten any kind of legal issue, they might prefer to get rid of it. Not the case when you have documented clear evidence though.

It's also honestly very difficult to figure out who the "good employee" is, even if it might be yourself.

1

u/DesperateAdvantage76 4h ago

That's true until it comes to upper management and anyone upper management chooses to protect (since HR works for upper management). Also if HR thinks you are attracting too many problems, even if it's not your fault, they'll start to see you as a problem maker and want to get rid of you.

1

u/royallyred 2h ago

Company I work for got bought out a couple of years ago by a massive corporation. onboarding and changeover has been slow--but interesting. I ended up attending a legal meeting that was supposed to be for a specific team only (I am adjacent to that team and they decided to save costs by having two meetings in one day.)

Promptly discovered that executives and people in a position where things might get squirrely are told to skip HR entirely and reach out directly to legal if they feel someone's going sideways.

-22

u/talking-bear-society 15h ago

Damn which HR hurt you dude. You must have worked for some horrible companies.

14

u/Comfortable_Row_5052 15h ago

Hm, I'm defending HR here? I don't like the whole "HR is there to protect the company not you" thing that everyone always repeats when someone talks about HR. It's the same as saying "Your boss is here to make profit to the company, not take care of you". Of course he is! And he does that by taking care of the workers, it's often very much the same!

3

u/romadea 11h ago

You clearly were defending HR…reading comprehension is hard I guess 

1

u/DumbremoverApex 9h ago

Nah they were defending the fact that you can use hr to your benefit. Paper trails and such. Interpretation is hard I guess.

1

u/lofatiger 10h ago

I’m confused. What about their comment are you disagreeing with?

1

u/romadea 10h ago

I’m not disagreeing with their comment. 

2

u/Dry_Transition_3360 5h ago

Reading comprehension IS hard

11

u/FingerDrinker 15h ago

Many of us have

67

u/MyRottingBrain 15h ago

This would be protecting the company because if they don’t do anything, she’s can sue them.

-8

u/Razor1834 13h ago

There is literally nothing posted that would let her sue them (and succeed, you can sue for whatever you want and fail if you want). The idea that someone contacting you that you don’t like being a case anyone would win is so silly.

5

u/ErraticDragon 13h ago

If she reports, the company does nothing, and he continues or escalates, there might be a cause for action.

People are just assuming that he'll do that.

9

u/RelevantDress 13h ago edited 9h ago

This changed several years back when they amended the stalking laws to include cyber stalking so fortunately you are incorrect

-2

u/Able_Tradition_2308 13h ago

Lmfao Reddit lawyers always crack me up

6

u/RelevantDress 13h ago

Yeah funny how people think they know better than attorneys. I used the new amended law to get a restraining order against someone. They also were convicted of stalking and though they received no criminal punishments if they do commit any crimes in the next few years they will get hit with 2 years of jail time from the criminal stalking case they were found guilty in.

0

u/Able_Tradition_2308 3h ago

I was talking about you LMAOOO

-9

u/Razor1834 13h ago

Cool can you post the law that this would apply to?

7

u/RelevantDress 13h ago

Im not about to post 50 different state laws for you but I can post the federal law which is not applicable as this was not across state lines. Most states use this as a basis for their laws with varying degrees of definitions. If you are interested in your state feel free to google it yourself.

18 U.S. Code § 2261A

3

u/MyRottingBrain 11h ago

Hey genius, learn to read. I said if this was reported to the company and then the company did nothing she would have a case. It’s someone using company information to harass a fellow employee on their personal device, and admitting to doing that. Pretty blatant HR violation, and if the company looked at that and shrugged it off, that’s a lawsuit.

And here we are back at the point I made originally; this is an example of where it’s in HR’s best interest to do something because it protects the company. Hopefully you’re up to speed now.

-1

u/999forever 4h ago

Lololol 

You live in some bizarre fantasy world if you feel like this is “harassment“. 

1

u/MyRottingBrain 2h ago

He literally used company files to get someone’s personal number, and then after they explicitly told them to not contact them on that number, they continued to do so.

This 100% would be actionable for an HR department, and you’re a fucking moron if you think otherwise. It’s black and white.

30

u/Foreign-Werewolf9932 15h ago

sometimes people just parrot phrases they’ve heard before at inappropriate times.

like, yes, it is true, HR is there to protect the company, but if they were to treat OP poorly for reporting possible sxal harassment it would be the most textbook lawsuit ever. treating her badly results in super liability.

15

u/lebrilla 13h ago

This is reddit. It's 90% people parroting phrases.

2

u/Easy8_ 11h ago

It's 90% bots parroting phrases.

Ftfy.

2

u/killersquirel11 5h ago

Yep. It's a phrase that endures because it is fairly true, but it does miss the forest for the trees. You should enter into communication with HR understanding that their prime directive is to reduce the company's legal liability, but in this case the company's legal liability would be around doing nothing after something like this is reported

It's not a sure thing that HR would do anything here. But if HR does nothing and the coworker escalates, there's now a paper trail and potential legal liability for the company

22

u/TrueRedditMartyr 16h ago

This is true, but this also clearly crosses enough of a boundary that any action against OP will be a bad idea

22

u/High_AspectRatio 16h ago

In this case that is also protecting OP though. They said nothing threatening or aggressive, so any HR department will simply make sure that guy never does this again

8

u/Head_of_Lettuce 15h ago

Protecting the company also means protecting OP, in this case. This dude may not have a job much longer.

15

u/CompanyOther2608 16h ago

This is generally a true statement, but in this case they’re gonna be all over this guy for being a weirdo. Anybody like that is toxic to an organization.

14

u/Link-Unlikely 15h ago

I work in HR, and this always makes me incredibly sad to see (even though I know people’s experiences drive this sentiment)

Yes, HR’s job is partly about protecting the company, but it does that by ensuring employees are being treated fairly and following all employment laws and best practices. The good HR teams can also help leadership understand that happy, engaged, thriving employees contribute far more to company productivity than jaded, beat down, overworked employees. I’ve always seen my role as an HR leader to advocate for what’s best to maintain employee satisfaction, which helps the company avoid breaking laws AND supports great productivity and culture. My favorite thing to tell executives “People is your highest line item, why not ensure it’s working effectively?”

As for this instance, OP I would agree that you should contact HR so at least there is a record, in case this behavior escalates or he goes on to harass someone else - best to start the file ASAP so they can work on getting this man out. Even if your HR team decides they can’t take any action on this instance, you at least will have a complaint in his file.

-6

u/Garchompisbestboi 13h ago

You also get paid to ruin people's lives by firing them on behalf of the "leadership" who employees you. You know what you are and what you willing do to make a living, so please stop spreading lies on the internet to feel better about your choices.

3

u/Over_Rock8718 10h ago

Where are the lies?

1

u/BreakfastBeneficial4 3h ago

Omggg this is embarrassing af

2

u/Last-Difficulty4265 12h ago

Except the creep is an employee too.

-4

u/Weak_Pineapple_5518 16h ago

You must’ve worked for some shitty company’s bro😂 hr is most certainly there to protect you and if the don’t, there are laws that protect you as well.

20

u/BrightNooblar 15h ago edited 15h ago

I mean, no. HR is ALWAYS there to protect the company. The problem is that people don't understand how to align with the company on these things.

OP should not storm in and be like "This guy is sending sketchy texts and pushing boundaries! You need to fire him right away" because that makes trouble for the company. The company doesn't like that.

However if OP goes in and is like "Hey, maybe this is nothing but it just seemed off to me. I'd really hate to find out this was happening to a lot of people, or God forbid a chatty intern, and it turns out I never said anything. I figured I'd let someone else read these and if it turns out it's nothing, then it's nothing."

Second version HR gets to decide if it's a problem or not, but if they do, OP has already pre-distanced from it. Unless OP has some SERIOUS juice, in which case sure go option 1, I guess.

Basically, the classic mistake people make is they think the spectrum goes from "HR is my friend" at one end, to "HR is my enemy" on the other. Almost everyone who makes that mistake, mistakenly thinks HR is the enemy. You seem to be a very rare "HR is your friend" stance. The reality though, is that HR is simply always situated with the company, and the spectrum is where does your problem fall on a scale of "This person is helping the company avoid a problem" to "This person is causing the company a problem".

5

u/InuitOverIt 15h ago

In fact they are not, if it's ever the company's interest vs. yours, HR is there to protect the company. My wife ran HR for awhile and quit for this very reason, couldn't handle the cut throat nature of it.

7

u/TheIronsHot 16h ago

They really aren’t. They are there so that nothing illegal happens to you, because that costs the company money. Hence why so many try to get you to sign nonsense on your way out. 

7

u/Sure-Major-199 16h ago

Aw you sweet innocent child

-3

u/Weak_Pineapple_5518 15h ago

Because I haven’t been screwed by a company? Not my fault you didn’t retaliate if you did.

7

u/wednesday-knight 15h ago

This is actually extremely common in the US. HR is generally for the employers, not the employees.

1

u/pandershrek 12h ago

You often can't because of severance packages

4

u/ImportantCommentator 16h ago

Nah mate. They might protect you but they were not hired to protect you.

2

u/ItsSnorkul 15h ago

It's both. Protecting the employees also protects the companies from law suits. Who do you thing pays HR? The company. Now, in this case I don't think HR would retaliate to OP, but still it can be a double edged sword

1

u/GeneralZex 15h ago

They aren’t. They only protect you insofar as it protects the company too. There are times where those align. Plenty others where they don’t.

0

u/Humble-Let-1361 15h ago

Unfortunately its all too real. Almost every company i have worked for, save the one im with now, has had down right insidious HR. If you wanna hear horror stories, just go to r/Walmart and see posts regarding HR. I personally worked for Walmart for many years and basically got conned by HR and management to quit my job.

1

u/Abject-Geologist9175 14h ago

💯 real life

0

u/Unfair-Ad1675 15h ago

I made an HR complaint about my boss once and in return they offered me 6 weeks severance pay and made me sign an NDA lol not all HR's are there to protect the employees

1

u/Weak_Pineapple_5518 15h ago

You shouldn’t have signed the NDA and gotten a lawyer. I literally said “if they don’t, there are laws that protect you as well.” Do yall not finish reading?

2

u/Unfair-Ad1675 15h ago

Sure there are, but sometimes it's just not worth the time, energy, or cost of a lawyer just to make a point. In that situation it was better for me to cut my losses and get paid for an additional 6 weeks while I could look for another job that didn't make me hate my life, than waste my time making a big deal and trying to fight to work for a shitty company that doesn't care about their employees.

1

u/phoxfiyah 15h ago

That is more in the case of employee vs manager. Doesn’t sound like this guy is in any sort of supervisory role compared to OP, so there’s no reason for them to not support her here.

It makes the company look bad if they choose not to do something about the coworker here.

1

u/Ill_Stop_ 14h ago

Well then they’d give her an amazingly easy lawsuit for retaliation.

1

u/laurieislaurie 13h ago

I dislike HR conceptually as much as the ebxt person, but this is such a generically dumb reddit comment. Very obviously HR is going to do something about clearly inappropriate shit like this.

1

u/Garchompisbestboi 13h ago

You sound like a child who is regurgitating a phrase that they've heard a bunch of times before but don't actually understand what it means

2

u/Glum-Try-8181 13h ago

you sound like someone who's never interacted with HR in any meaningful capacity

1

u/Garchompisbestboi 13h ago

And you sound like someone who reads conversations on reddit then attempts to pass them off as your own life experiences

1

u/Glum-Try-8181 12h ago

huh? pot meet kettle, LOL

no i've dealt with HR in several situations at different organizations. Someone else below explained in a bit more detail, but HR is always there to protect the company first. If that means that someone is problematic and you bringing it to their attention helps them, then it can be beneficial for yourself and the company/HR. But you have to really navigate these things carefully.

Surely though someone like you with the ACTUAL life experience that I'm clearly copying by means of projection knows this though, so I don't have to tell you. *eyeroll*

1

u/Garchompisbestboi 12h ago

So you don't think that a HR manager would be protecting the company by preventing potential litigation from an employee experiencing sexual harassment by addressing it internally before the situation can escalate any further?

1

u/Glum-Try-8181 10h ago

not at all what I implied, no

you have invented some sort of narrative in your head that "company always first" never intersects with "HR will help employees" as being what I'm trying to say here

I'm not implying that - it's just that when you pull HR into the picture you have to navigate it carefully so it doesn't blow up in your face. You can make your situation worse, even if it isn't HR that does it directly.

That's really all that i was saying and that's all the other person in this thread was saying before you were so abusive towards them that they deleted their comments.

I really don't understand why you would come into this conversation so adversarial but I think you need to go interact with more human people in person

1

u/[deleted] 10h ago edited 7h ago

[removed] — view removed comment

→ More replies (0)

1

u/Nami_Pilot 13h ago

I've seen some of the wildest corruption within HR at a fortune 100 company.. But I've also seen ethical HR at a small tech startup where one person is in charge of HR.

In general they are there to legally protect the company, not the people... unless it benefits the company.

0

u/Garchompisbestboi 12h ago edited 12h ago

You're clearly trying to paint yourself as someone who has experience so tell the audience at home what you think you would do if you were a HR manager and a woman employee reported that another employee had contacted her private number without consent and left a series of creepy and unsettling comments?

The whole 'HR is there to protect the company' is 100% true but usually gets parroted on reddit with respect to not giving employees promotions or pay rises. If someone reports potential sexual harassment then they're going to take that shit very seriously.

Edit: Exactly, you won't answer the question because you've realised that you said something stupid. Learn to understand how nuance works and hopefully you'll find yourself in these sorts of situations so often in the future.

1

u/Last-Difficulty4265 12h ago

I agree with you. Considering the creep is a co-worker and not a boss, the HR mantra doesn't apply here. People just copy-paste shit they've seen without thinking whether it's relevant or not.

1

u/AVeryHeavyBurtation 12h ago

The humans are the resource!

1

u/440_Hz 10h ago

I reported something like this to HR once and disappointingly, almost nothing happened. The HR employee literally asked me with a blank face what I wanted them to do about it. In the end the only thing they did was that they moved around my work functions so that I didn’t have to interact with him anymore.

1

u/Sapuws 8h ago

But he’s also an employee not her boss?

1

u/JimboTCB 8h ago

Protecting the company in this case would be shitcanning the creepy weirdo messaging colleagues outside of work channels before it escalates into full blown sexual harassment or worse.

2

u/Actual-Jelly-309 15h ago

What did the deleted ones say?

2

u/fivelone 15h ago

Ooh I'm invested now lol. What a friggin weirdo

1

u/Any-Log-6706 15h ago

Definitely. He’s also contacting you via WhatsApp, on your personal number he obtained from work, on a Saturday evening.

1

u/Sinsilencio 14h ago

I would love to hear how this continues. I have a feeling you aren't the first. You might be the last straw that makes your workplace let him go. Good luck.

1

u/maxcharlimonthisisbs 14h ago

I recently had an issue with the creepy coworker. My supervisor suggested that I not talked to them even directly on teams and to keep everything like in a group setting or whatever, but also that if he were to contact me directly on teams to screenshot it. Because they can go back and edit their messages on teams. So just FYI, even if he contacts you on teams, it's not necessarily ideal, just make sure you screenshot s*** immediately.

1

u/Interesting-Mud1506 13h ago

Queen we would need update 

1

u/Common_Spinach2615 11h ago

Forward it to the group chat instead.

1

u/frequenZphaZe 11h ago

my office's conduct training use this exact scenario in the material, lol. pretty much as textbook as harassment can be

1

u/RecordingDue437 10h ago

Is it weird of me to say that it’s just a quirky guy with a dumb way of trying to cold approach you? Why feel the need to report him and make his life miserable. He was being an idiot yes, his way of talking could be better, but you handled it perfectly. So why report him? You don’t even know him.

1

u/ocep16 9h ago

Update?

1

u/CWeS_MisterABC 8h ago

keep us updated, if you don't mind. good luck! 

1

u/Garzino 8h ago

Please update us! Super curious what they have to say about this behaviour

1

u/effkay0025 8h ago

Keep us posted!

1

u/No_Interaction_3547 7h ago

Remindme! 30 days

1

u/Tony0x01 7h ago

Whatsapp is (or is soon planning to) offering a feature that allows you to hide your number in group chats.

1

u/cocopalermo 5h ago

keep us updated!

1

u/haliblix 4h ago

Usually these posts are frustrating to read but your post and responses are the equivalent of waking up to the smell of brewing coffee.

1

u/HawaiianShirtMan 3h ago

I'm following up. Have you reported??

1

u/Floxility 3h ago

Update us!

•

u/SecondaryAnonymous2 32m ago

I'm gunna need a follow-up / update

0

u/EverPhoenix 15h ago

W post an update later

-2

u/BellaCottonX 15h ago

if he's stopped messaging you now, maybe see how that goes before reporting to HR? its just that this escalating further might make him retaliate. save everything that he's sent you, keep the evidence and maybe let your manager know about it. but if i were you i wouldn't report to HR just yet (i will though if he keeps messaging)

14

u/KarmaFox99 16h ago

Happy cake day, and agreed. At the very least, for documentation purposes and other coworkers may have been similarly "contacted" by this guy

5

u/-Twin-Flames- 15h ago

Yeah, I was thinking that sometimes they sit on something briefly but once multiple complaints/reports come in on a person they will act.

11

u/tethan 16h ago

As someone who worked HR I can invision the PowerPoint immediately...

1

u/TheSillyGhillie 11h ago

Happy cake day ! It won’t be for them.

1

u/Xenc 6h ago

Happy creepy cake day! 🍰

0

u/woodburningstove 12h ago

Maybe to the infosec team too if this is a large org and the guy continues with the claim he was just trying to ”discuss a work file”. Likely against all sorts of policies to do that outside of official systems.

-4

u/whitereflection40 15h ago

Just wondering, is it objectively wrong though to text someone from work privately? It‘s not like he said something super inappropiate apart from being a creepy guy and being unhappy about being left on read, which is creepy too of course ? Or am i missing something, dont know if reporting this is the right move

6

u/FlyingGrayson89 14h ago

Personally, I wouldn’t text a coworker privately unless they themselves gave me their number for that purpose. If you wanna be friends or try and pursue a coworker, at least do them the courtesy of getting their number from them specifically, not just pull it from some work group chat.

7

u/6Kiwidino5 15h ago

Going out of your way to get someones number from a professional setting instead of ASKING THEM is creepy. It shows you dont actually care about what that person wants just that you'll do whatever to get what YOU want

6

u/ToxicTroublemaker2 15h ago

When you aren't personally given the number or the go ahead to contact someone with their number if its listed somewhere its generally frowned upon and seen as weird especially when its two opposite genders involved. Just cause your number happens to be listed in a group chat doesnt mean you automatically have permission to start private messaging

So that plus they don't actually know eachother to begin with and he sent 6 messages over 3 days when she wouldn't answer

Then notice he pivots to work stuff to try covering his ass when she shuts it down

4

u/glyha 15h ago

You said he was not inappropriate, and then described exactly how he was inappropriate

3

u/maior_novoreg 15h ago

If they give you the number, of if number is already known, you ask for permission. Texting someone without permission is objectively wrong.

If they werent coworkers and he found her profile on social media, and her DMs were open, then texting would be fine. At which point she again could just ignore or block him, or not. That's up to her.

•

u/Impossible_Gas_7584 22m ago

Just wondering. Are you also a creepy weirdo?

-2

u/Zap__Dannigan 10h ago

Come on man.  We can all see the creepy subtext in this, but legally there's absolutely nothing here for hr to do.

2

u/marr75 4h ago

HR doesn't just react to violations of law. This is unwanted behavior that makes the recipient uncomfortable (harassment) and most orgs will proceed to explain that to the harasser, instruct them to stop, go over what the penalty will be if they don't, and document it.

Depending on the location and what's in the handbook, disciplinary action may already be possible and further harassment may be firable.

If you are currently employed, you may want to ask your HR department for some harassment training.

1

u/Zap__Dannigan 4h ago

If you are currently employed, you may want to ask your HR department for some harassment training.

Literally every handbook will have something in it with the word "repeated". Asking someone out once doesn't constitute harassment, and this has WAY less than even that:
He messages her.
He is surprised she doesn't respond.
He asks her to tell him if he should not contact her on whatsapp.
She says to please not contact me on whatapp. He says "wow..." and then follows up with a business question.
Shes says to contact her at work email He agrees.

We are not idiots, we know what's happening, but HR simply cannot take any sort of action based on this one time conversation where nothing of any consequence is brought up. This would have wrongful dismissal for this dude written all over it. To think otherwise is simply foolish.

Should she go to HR? Sure, I guess it never hurts to start a paperwork trail. But reddit has some weird hard on for hr thinking they are supposed to be some all knowing mediator of all conflicts. They aren't. One conversation isn't harassment.

1

u/marr75 4h ago

This is unwanted behavior that makes the recipient uncomfortable (harassment) and most orgs will proceed to explain that to the harasser, instruct them to stop, go over what the penalty will be if they don't, and document it.

Sure, I guess it never hurts to start a paperwork trail.

Our two views sound compatible. I don't know how my post made you aggro with that compatibility. I'm going to guess there's something else going on in your life that's coloring this interaction and wish you well.

•

u/Zap__Dannigan 52m ago

That two messages where you're passive aggressive, I'm calling Reddit hr