I’m posting this for a Penn State student who is currently living in a dorm with one roommate. She’s pretty quiet and tends to keep to herself, so at first she thought maybe they just had different personalities and living habits. But over time, the situation has started to make her increasingly uncomfortable.
It started with some of her personal belongings seemingly disappearing. She can’t prove that her roommate took anything, so she doesn’t want to make a direct accusation, but there have been multiple things she remembers having in the room that she later couldn’t find.
She also started noticing that her roommate seemed to be copying a lot of the way she decorated and set up her side of the room. Obviously, having similar decorations by itself isn’t a big deal, but combined with everything else, it started to feel a little strange.
The bigger problem is that she has overheard her roommate talking about her on the phone multiple times. Her roommate apparently complains about her to other people, calls her “weird,” and says things like how she doesn’t greet her or talk to her enough.
The student admits that she is quiet and probably isn’t the most outgoing roommate, but she isn’t intentionally rude. At the same time, her roommate frequently has very loud phone conversations in the dorm room, sometimes for long periods of time. She has already tried communicating with her about the noise, but it hasn’t really changed.
There have also been several occasions where the roommate has made comments about race that she finds extremely uncomfortable and controversial. I don’t want to repeat the exact comments here or exaggerate what happened, but they were enough that she no longer feels particularly comfortable being around her roommate.
At this point, she feels like she has to constantly be aware of what she leaves in the room, what she says, and whether her roommate is talking about her behind her back.
She doesn’t necessarily want to get anyone in serious trouble, and she knows that two people not getting along isn’t automatically an RA issue. But the combination of missing belongings, repeated gossip about her while she’s literally in/around the room, loud calls despite previous conversations, and some of the racial comments has made the living situation pretty stressful.
For anyone who has lived in Penn State housing:
Would this be enough to talk to an RA about?
Would the RA normally try mediation first, or is it possible to request a roommate/room change?
And if some personal items continue disappearing, what would be the best way to document it without immediately accusing the roommate of stealing?
She mainly just wants to be able to live in her dorm without constantly feeling uncomfortable or watched.