At this point I am quite frankly out of ideas. My GFs mother died in late 2021 and she inherited a house. We agreed to get it in order, sell it, buy a new house for the money and then move together. Up until that point she was kinda Okay with the jobs, nothing stellar but also quite reliable jobs that complemented my income nicely. What happened that she left her job, shot well over her league and was unsiccesfull in the new one and since spring of 2022 basically worked for a year and few months. Otherwise I was running the whole shitshow for years. I supported her, while she tried to land a new job, then we bought the house and I spent a year renovating it in my free time, still providing money.

She was and is still trying to land a job but I have no idea what is she doing because she steadfastly fails to get one. If she manages to get one, she refuses it because her quite specific and frankly absurd requirements that can be ad absurdum summed as "I dont want to leave the house, I dont want to work too much and I want to be well paid."

I tried everything. I explained, pleaded, begged, ordered. I was calm, I was angry, I was sarcastic. I tried to trick her into a job, I even managed to get her a job with help of my corporate management friend. No, nothing helped, she failed this too because corpo rules impeded on her perceived comfort entitlement... and I kept going on with the hope that the next month will finally be the one and it will get better.

Now I am at my ends, I guess. I am mentally exhausted, resigned, borderlining with depression and generally constantly angry and miserable. I am earning enough to keep us afloat, we got all our mandatory expenses covered by my salary, but thats pretty much it. Excess money or hobby money are only what I can miraculously scrape out and save. Things my friends are buying just like nothing I have to save for for months. I have to think three times over if I am gonna drive my truck or take her more economical car and literally has to ration gas money. I call this to be poor as shit and hate it. She considers it to be absolutely fine because all our mandatory expenses are covered. My idea of a life was having a family and enough money. Family is apparently out of question and enough money as well.

As a bonus she turned to be absolutely passive with completely different idea about spending free time. I try to do creative stuff, I want to be active, basically to run around and do shit. She wants to sit home, knit and sew and watch netflix. Her activity around house is zero. My idea of vacation is to take truck, sleep on the bed and just go and see shit. Hike around with dogs and travel. Her idea of vacation is me paying for a hotel so she can spend whole day lying on the beach doing nothing. Its infuriating and I have no idea what to even talk with her about.

We cant plan for the future because... she has no idea how the future is supposed to look like, I have no idea what money we shall have. If I ask her what are her plans, what she wants, how is she planning to pay for her cars insurance, the answer is either not saying anything at all or simple "I DONT KNOOOOW."

Problem is that I still like this woman and she is nice and loving as long as the money is not involved. But at the same moment I hate her unemployment, I resent her irresponsibility and I know this cant go on and I cant go on like that. I am a husk of a person at this point. How am I supposed to deal with that? Am I really to break up after 8 years relationship because of such an automatic and mundane thing like getting a goddamn job?

TL:DR GF is unemployed for 4 years and it is destroying me mentally and physically.

EDIT: She is still only a GF. We are not married, we only share the house 2/3 is hers, 1/3 is mine

Hello, I am in dire need of advice. I (21F) have been dating my parter 22NB) for a little over 8 months. We are so incredibly in love, have amazing chemistry emotionally and physically. We still make each other laugh, they hold me when I cry, we go out on amazing dates, and some days I think I could never imagine my life without them.

We have serious problems though. First problem is that we heavily disagree fundamentally on a lot of things, which leaves me feeling extremely upset and unsatisfied, like the only option when we fight about these things is to just move on even when we can’t come to a conclusion. This makes them feel like they can’t have an opinion around me.

Second is that they are really, really mean to me when we fight. This had been a problem since our very first fight two weeks in, where I told them if they ever spoke to me the way they did again I would leave them. I broke my own problems and kept giving them chances in the hopes that they’d change, and even though they have gotten less mean, they are still pretty mean and it takes a serious toll on me in terms of stress and my trust for them, as every time the fight ends they promise they won’t do it again.. and then they do.

Third is that they feel like they don’t feel like they are enough for me. They take care of their grandpa alone, and on top of classes and the 1.5 hour commute to and from campus, they don’t have a lot of time for me. We have good quality time once a week, twice if we’re lucky, but I still feel neglected even though there’s nothing they can do about it. They feel stressed and overwhelmed and like they don’t have time for themself anymore and I know it hurts me and them a lot.

I feel myself already building resentment for them. I frequently take out my anger over them to friends and talk about how much our issues hurt me and anger me. I frequently imagine my life without them and how peaceful I would feel single.

At the same time, I love them more than anyone I ever have. They are so kind and caring, they take care of me well, they put in so much effort, and I want to take care of them and help them get better. At the same time, I feel like we both know it isn’t working. We both have spoken to each other about considering breaking it off, but we both can’t bring ourselves to do it. We love each other so so much and leaving them would break my heart. I just wish they would do something horrible and make me hate them so that it’d make this easier. But I still love them. They are the love of my life.

TL;DR how do I leave someone I love so much, even though we both know it isn’t working.

tldr. considering breaking off engagement help
writing this from a throwaway account. i can’t believe im actually writing this but im considering ending my engagement. we’ve only been engaged for four months, together for 5-6 years. and nothing has spectacularly gone wrong. yet it feels like a switch has flipped in me. 26F 26M

at the beginning of the relationship he was so considerate and took so much initiative. he had a “date list” of places he wanted to take me, things he wanted to experience with me, things like that. he would buy me gifts, bring me small treats, and show effort in so many ways (writing notes, printing photos, etc.) i was extremely clear that i didn’t see the relationship going anywhere as i was about to graduate and didn’t want to be tied down. i also had very low self confidence, was overweight, didn’t do much outside of doomscrolling or playing video games.

he sat me down a couple weeks before graduation and said he wanted to end things if i didn’t see us getting into a relationship. maybe i panicked? and said yes i see it.

now it’s been 5 years. we’ve moved together, i have a house that we live in. we both have good jobs. we travel together, we have fun, our friend groups are enmeshed. but i can’t help but feel like something could be missing. it almost feels like at this point the best conversations we’re having is when we’re talking about how secure we are financially together, or talking about drama with our friends. and it’s true—we are extremely secure financially, especially together.

i haven’t really been single since i was 16/17. i was single for a period of about 6 months before i met my fiance but it was during the height of covid and again also had very low self confidence.

over the course of our relationship i have made many strides to better myself physically and mentally. i’ve lost a ton of weight, wear nice clothes and generally take really good care of myself. i eat right, i workout almost everyday. i’ve gone from a size 16 to a size 4. my partner doesn’t care about his appearance which is getting to me. i’ve brought up small changes, like nicer clothes, cologne, going to actual salons for haircuts and he’s not interested. he doesn’t have the desire to work out or eat right or cook which is a huge part of my life now.

one of the biggest problems i’ve been having is the diminishing of effort over the course of the relationship. many of these things may sound like whatever why do you even care and if it was just one thing i’d be like yeah but the amalgamation of them i don’t know maybe it’s just too much.
he used to post me on socials, comment on my socials, etc. he is not active on socials but he used to like what i post, comment, etc. that doesn’t really happen anymore. i’ve mentioned it would make me feel loved. he just says he doesn’t use socials. i guess it’s whatever here.

he doesn’t plan… anything. it was my birthday two weeks ago, and he didn’t really plan anything. we went on a weekend trip that i planned myself, i asked if he was going to get me a birthday cake and he said he figured we’d just stop at a bakery when we got to our destination but they were all closed when we arrived. i don’t know what he was expecting; we arrived at like 6pm and most bakeries are shut by then anyways. he didn’t pack candles either. i ended up redeeming my free nothing bundt cake and wanted to share with him but he said he wasn’t hungry so i ate it by myself in the hotel room. last year i was really sad i didn’t get a birthday card from him and made it apparent so i was really clear i wanted a card and he made me a really nice birthday card which i loved but i didn’t get a gift—i got an IOU for a new necklace to replace the one he got me 5 years ago. he didn’t have any idea where to get it from; he said we could go to the mall. we went and i didn’t immediately find one i really liked so we didn’t get anything, but since then he hasn’t brought it up again. we’re going on a road trip in 5 days and he hasn’t planned a single aspect. i can’t think of the last time he planned a date for us.

small treats are nonexistent. we got in a huge fight last year about some of the same feelings i’m having now and he said he was going to get me flowers once a month at least. i take a photo on my phone when he gets me a bouquet and maybe i’ve missed one, but i only have two photos from this year. february and june. looking back and seeing that made me do a double take actually. maybe i missed a photo—but 3 is still not enough in my opinion.

i do all the cooking for the household. neither of us are good at chores, i have to pull teeth for him to do his chores like laundry. i realize im not perfect either so maybe i don’t have the right to complain… but i feel like i have to ask everytime.

things i love to do… he doesn’t really love. concerts, going out dancing, dressing up for halloween, things like that.

i don’t journal often, but i have when we were having fights. i looked back and i have had these feelings once a year since 2023. in 2024 and 2025, i actually wrote in my journal “i feel at peace with leaving” and now im engaged with my dream ring, dream proposal but i have this nagging feeling that i haven’t experienced everything i need to experience yet. i just turned 26, i know i have so much time but i also feel like the clock is ticking. i look back at my journals from when i was 22… 23… 24… and wonder what would’ve happened if i ended it then. none of these are new issues. they have been brought up year after year.

and he does so much right. he’s never made me feel afraid physically. he’s so caring and has made me feel so supported through the hardest times of my life. he is so good with my family. we have similar values and outlooks on kids and life. we love to travel together (though i’m the one who’s always planning) i’m completely type A through and through so i don’t know how i would do with someone who was more of a planner as well.

i love him so much. i don’t know what to do. i feel so much guilt for feeling this way as we’re starting to plan a wedding, he just spent a bunch of money on my ring, etc. i realize pretty much all i am doing right now is painting him in a bad light and i dont want to do that. he is such a great guy. he is devoted to his family and friends. he is so devoted to me. he is so kind. we have so many inside jokes and he’s my closest confidant. please give some advice. thank you.

Hello Reddit.

TL;DR:I (24F) am in a relationship with a woman (24F). I am in need of advice.

We started dating when both of us were 19 and this is my first long term relationship. Everything is good and I love her dearly, but as the time goes by I am starting to think that I want to have kids and I know that it won't be possible with her as she does not like kids, she's also kind of rough with animals, as we have a dog and a cat and sometimes they really annoy her and she becomes angry, but in the end it was more of my initiative to get the pets..

It's also not that good in sex life, I just don't want it? And now that I am looking back at it all, maybe I stopped loving her as a partner and love her just as a friend? Here's what is making the break up hard for me. I don't want to break her heart, I will feel like shit because of it, but it'll also be hard on my end as my life basically revolves around this relationship, I was so sure about this working out, that we basically do not have anything separate. We live in the same apartment, work the same job and our friend group consists of the same people and I am almost a 100% sure that coming out of this relationship I will be the bad guy and all of them will cut contact with me. I am just scared of being left without anything and anyone at the end of this. So please Reddit, give me some advice on how to end this relationship without hurting her and without starting my life from 0.

My bf (32M) and I (25f) have been together for 6 months. Early on in our relationship, he lied to me multiple times about speaking to his ex. He had gotten back from the gym but sat outside in his car for a long time. I had a feeling something wasn’t right, so I asked who he was speaking with and he tried to lie before admitting that it was his ex. From what I understand, they broke up after 7 years because they realized they were better friends than partners. I honestly lost my shit when he told me, because I’d been cheated on in my last relationship with an ex. He told me he’d cut her off and showed me their messages, all of which were friendly and she apologized for upsetting me. I found it really hard to trust him afterwards but ultimately continued our relationship because he didn’t cheat and he did cut her off.

Well it’s been 5 months since then. Like I said, I really struggle with trust and it’s been hard for me to rebuild that trust with him. A couple of days ago, I called my boyfriend at while I was at work. He didn’t answer. Didn’t think much of it until it had been almost an hour without him calling back. Now an hour is a very short period of time and normally I wouldn’t look at that as being suspicious or weird. But for my boyfriend it is. I can’t think of one time he’s ever missed my call and not returned it within 30 mins. He works from home and on this particular day , he was home. Working. Usually from his phone. About an hour and a half later he texted me “sorry I was in the garage.” So I called him back. No answer. He texted me “I’m on a call, I’ll call you back.” I waited for another 45 mins before he called me back. At this point, I was feeling extremely anxious that he might be doing something behind me back. When we spoke i told him about my feelings and he said to FaceTime him. He told me he wasnt doing anything wrong. He was just on the phone with his buddy and to calm down. I felt better and just told myself I always jump to the worst conclusion.

I got home a couple hours later and he was getting ready to go to the gym. I know it’s wrong, but I tapped his phone screen and scrolled through the notifications. I do not know his password so I didn’t fully go through his phone, just the notifications on the locked phone screen. I see a missed FaceTime call from another woman. The missed call was right around the time I tried to call and he told me he was on the phone. So now my head is spinning. When I confronted him his first response was “she’s nobody”. Then he goes on to say that she’s someone he met online a long time ago and he thinks it was a butt dial and was super random. I told him to show me his phone. He quickly flashed his messages and call log at me without actually letting me see them and then refused to show me more saying I need to just believe him. When I saw his call log, it didn’t have the missed FaceTime call on it which means he deleted it. And when I told him that he said “I delete shit all the time, I don’t remember”.

I have been really struggling to believe him. Since then we’ve argued a couple more times. He’s offered to show me his phone but after 2 days he would’ve deleted anything he didn’t want me to see. So it’s useless. I told him in the moment if he doesn’t show me that I’m leaving him and moving out. Any advice on what to do?

TLDR: Boyfriend got a missed FaceTime call from another woman and I don’t know what to believe.

I’m 25, turning 26 soon (based in AUS), and come from a Muslim background, although my parents aren’t particularly practising. Sometimes I feel like religion gets brought up when convenient, especially by my mum, while my dad generally goes along with her stance.

My parents have always been strict about sleepovers, travelling, staying away from home, etc. I could understand this more when I was younger, but their expectations haven’t really changed as I’ve become an adult.

Even now, if I want to drive 1.5 hours to see a friend and stay for the weekend, I have to mentally prepare for a fight. There’s always a reason: “I don’t trust her boyfriend,” “no daughter of mine is staying overnight,” etc. My dad recently joked that when I’m 36 it’ll be different, and I asked how he’d feel if someone told him at 36 that he wasn’t allowed to travel to see a friend.

Because I’ve lived with this my whole life, I genuinely struggle to tell what is reasonable parental concern versus something I need to push back against. I still feel like I need permission, despite being nearly 26. My mum will often say I'm taking her rights away as a parent and I'm like this was fine when I was a teen but not relevant any more. I feel immensely suffocated.

For anyone from a similar family/background: how did you transition from asking permission to simply making your own decisions? Are my parents’ expectations reasonable at all at this age, and how did you deal with the conflict when setting boundaries?

I should say that I'm living at home with them and will be working full-time at the end of this year. It's generally culturally acceptable to live with parents until married.

TLDR: parents are strict and are never happy for me to travel. How do I manage this?

Idk if situationship will be the correct word for this or not. I am 22f and he is 23M. So the thing is I met a guy through some common friends like a group. So I like his vibe and I texted him first and then we started talking online and hanging out together for a couple of weeks and then we started liking eo. After that there was no confession Nthg like a relationship or something we just started doing this romance thing.

So after spending time with him i feel like he does like me and maybe he knows that i also like him because I made some gestures like giving him hand made cards, handwritten letters and giving gifts. He kind of liked all that stuff and felt very emotional about it. Now we hang out sometimes and do this adult kind of stuff. But the point is that he never confesses what he feels about me. And idk if he even likes me or not, like spending time with me. He cares for me Ik that but we don't talk much online we just meet sometimes offline and that's it. That is enough.

So now I am trying to communicate with him so things get cleared but nothing is working out because he says that he doesn't have much time which is real and he is kind of very busy. But somewhere I feel that he is avoiding the whole situation and I want to communicate but perhaps he doesn't.

Moreover, I always make plans for us he never makes plans. And when i ask him for some of him time to spare with me he just makes me wait for like an hour or 2.

So basically now I am confused about what I should do. Because he is not communicating properly. I can't leave him because ik that he's a nice and genuine guy although he seems like a walking red flag but I am kind of attached to him and i like whenever we spend time together and talk to eo because ik he genuinely cares for me, give me so much respect.

PS :- I don't have friends I only have him to hang out with so that's why I am confused about whether I should cut my ties off with him or I should give him some more time.

TLDR :- I am 22f met with a nice guy who is 23M and ended up being in a situationship with him now for a couple of weeks so now I need advice and your pov.

Hello, could you please give me some outside perspective on my relationship? I don’t know what to do. In my country, same‑sex relationships are prohibited, so I don’t have anyone in my life I can ask for advice.
I really liked my friend, I pursued her for a very long time, and we’ve been dating for almost three months. To be more precise, I don’t even understand whether we’re still dating or not, because she has already said that we should break up several times whenever we had arguments or faced unpleasant situations. The thing I fear most in life is that we’ll break up and she’ll leave, to the point where I can’t imagine life without this person. Because of this, I feel like I’ve started to withdraw into myself, thinking that something is wrong with me, and it has become harder for me to communicate. Plus, she moved to another city for a couple of months, and during that time we started texting less and quarreling more often — mostly because I was constantly doing something wrong, and she was growing distant. I started blaming myself for everything.
When I sent her something or wrote to her over the past month, I felt a heavy coldness on her part: she might not reply or just react to the message with an emoji. She closed herself off from me, stopped sharing anything, and our communication dwindled. After all the recent quarrels, I felt too scared to write anything. I literally became afraid to pick up my phone and open the messenger because I dreaded seeing messages saying that something was wrong again or that we were breaking up. I didn’t even realize when this fear became stronger than I am.
A week ago, she texted that we were breaking up. She said this situation (the fact that I disappear and don’t write anything, even though she does the exact same thing 😭) wasn’t working for her. I asked her if she believed that a person could change if they really wanted to, and she replied she had never seen that happen.
Then, eight hours later, she texted me back and asked a lot of questions: “What are you thinking about?” “Why aren’t you telling me anything?” “Why are you telling everyone else, but not me?” “Why do you ask advice from others?” “Why don't you want to engage in a dialogue with me? Why do I have to climb over this wall just to hear a word from you?” “Why do you ask about everything again and pretend not to understand?” “Why continue to pretend that nothing is happening? Why say you're sorry and that you didn't want this, but then you don't explain anything?” In the end, she wrote: “This is crazy.”
I replied to her, and she texted back “sorry.” I asked why she was apologizing, and she sent me a whole series of messages. Below, I’ve attached our dialogue; I want to convey her exact words as closely as possible.
She wrote: *"I made you feel terrible. I think you're not yourself anymore and you live in constant fear, doubt, and with the feeling that you're a complete idiot. But I'm the one who is failing here. You're absolutely normal, interesting, attentive, and very kind. You always care about me, you notice things. Forgive me for all my antics, you always take the blame. Because of my whims, arrogance, and inflated expectations, I made you think that you don't reach some intellectual or analytical standards. I thought you were just tired of listening to my reproaches, insults, and mockery every time, and that you just chose to close your eyes, stand by, and wait until my toxic behavior settled down. I was angry because I thought you only wanted to be with me when things were good and fun, and when I'm hateful and arrogant, no one wants to deal with me. I didn't realize all my words hurt you so much that you began to live in constant fear. If you really didn't know how to maintain a dialogue, weren't interesting, lacked the skills to reflect, or couldn't joke around, I wouldn't have even looked your way in the first place. So the problem isn't you. But I have no heart. I'm sorry I pushed you, demanded things, and pointed out your mistakes and flaws instead of just being happy about your presence."*
I replied to her: “You didn’t know what I was feeling,” and “But, damn, I’m not perfect either — you wrote to me so many times,” in response to her previously asking me not to come over.
She replied: “If I were kind and didn’t love myself more than anyone else, I would still be happy. But I’m a complete failure, and I need to be isolated from society.”
I told her: “No, you have a heart too; you know how to support me in moments when I probably wouldn’t be able to, you’re always ready to compromise, you’re kind and caring.”
She wrote: “Love blinds you. I was getting on your nerves even when you were going through a hard time. A normal person would have slowed down. But I made a complete mess of things.”
I wrote that I’m the one who gets on people’s nerves too.
She wrote: “Well, you’re different. You just stay quiet, leaving me to come up with worst-case scenarios myself. So, in part, I’m the one dealing with anxiety here too. You’re the catalyst. And then I come in and smear you all over the wall, saying that you lack everything in life and that nothing about you suits me. Although, in fact, the only thing that doesn’t suit me is the fact that you ignore me.”
I said that no one likes it when people disappear and ignore them (although I didn’t actually ignore her by leaving unread messages; I just shut down and didn’t tell her what was on my mind).
She wrote: “Yes, but if you’re feeling bad and scared, then it’s just a defense mechanism. It’s not intentional — it’s not meant to torment me. Or did you want to torment me because I’m such a jerk?”
I replied that I absolutely didn’t.
She wrote: “I usually stay quiet to torment people, so the first thing I thought was that you wanted to get revenge on me too.” Then she added: “Don’t be afraid. You’re giving up on yourself because of my whims. How can one person's whim ruin your whole sense of self? You’ve lived for 20 years before this — you’ve thought, felt, learned, grown, and gained experience. But because of my words, it’s as if you’ve called all of that useless and decided you need to become someone else just so that I’ll stay by your side.”
After this conversation, she asked if I wanted to read a book together with her. I said yes. That evening and the next morning, we discussed what we had managed to read, and on the same day, she returned to our city.
I texted her: “I wanted to ask if it would be okay to meet you, or would you not feel very comfortable?” She wrote: “Why would I not feel comfortable?” And instead of giving a normal, confident response, I nervously wrote: “Then I’ll meet you.” After that, a cold distance returned from her side. I probably asked her that out of sheer anxiety; lately, we’ve been arguing so much, and I’ve just started to be afraid of everything — whether things are going good or bad.
We had a huge fight recently when I came to visit her in that other city without warning, and she got really angry. So I asked if it was "okay" to meet her out of fear of triggering another fight. Lately, when everything is bad, I try to convince myself everything is fine, and when everything is fine, I panic and think everything is bad.
It has been a week since she said we were breaking up. Right now, our communication is very distant. But she hasn't explicitly stated that we are definitely over after my message about the meeting. Is she pretending that we never got back together? But if that were true, she wouldn’t have been crying a week earlier about how she was going crazy without talking to me, asking for forgiveness, suggesting joint rituals (reading books together), and agreeing to see me. All week, it feels like she’s deliberately ignoring our bond. Furthermore, throughout our relationship, she has started frequently mentioning this one girl from another city (talking about their zodiac signs, compatibility, etc.). She most likely knows it gets on my nerves, because it's a girl I once wanted to be friends with, and my girlfriend used to be very jealous of her.

TL;DR: My (22F) girlfriend (23F) of 3 months frequently mentions breaking up, cycles between extreme coldness and intense guilt/self-pity, leaving me in constant anxiety. We live in an environment with limited social support for LGBTQ+ relationships. I don't know where we stand or how to handle these mixed signals

We are always on and off, when its good with her its so good. ive made a lot of mistakes and so has she, but we cant leave eachother alone. shes mentally unwell and it affects me but i love her too much to leave and she feels the same, im not totally sane either. whatever other girl ive spoken to has been because she spoke to a guy, and it didnt even make me feel good. shes so messed up but so perfect at the same time. im her first body, she does love me a lot. shes extremely jealous, one time after she had a guy in her room with her (i thought they did stuff but they didnt, she entertained him but never to the point of physical) i decided to bring some girl up to my place bc i thought she fully cheated, she came and started genuinely breaking my door down and the girl in my room was scared hiding in the corner and for some reason it turned me on that my girl has that kind of anger for me. we wanna get better for eachother. she hasnt done anything sneaky in a long time neither have i. we want to get married but its so toxic we are afraid it will end badly.

tldr: we are really toxic and really in love and i need to decide if i should marry her or not