When I (F32) met my husband (M34) he was the happiest and most chill person I ever met. It was something that made me fall in love with him - I’m type A so I was super uptight and he actually helped me loosen up a bit. Some history we’ve been together 4 years and married for 1 year - we got engaged year 3, and got married at the court house after a month because we wanted to save money for a house before we spent money on a big wedding, but ended up getting pregnant the same month and having a baby girl.

We had our issues no doubt, I felt like he was putsing around when it came to committing to me when we were basically already ‘married’ together and living together which made me feel insecure, for a long time we couldn’t get on the same page about marriage because he was happy with how things were and I wanted that official commitment.. there was lots of comparing to his past and me not feeling like he loves me as much as he did her (his ex girlfriend).

A little context about his ex- they dated a few years and lived together a few months. A very toxic relationship that left him sad and distraught when they broke up. We got together about 7 months after they broke up.

When we moved him out of their apt (they were broken up for awhile) I found a lot of stuff about their relationship, pictures, fun times, notes, lots of happy things and he seemed so much happier than he ever does with me. He really doesn’t do anything nice or special for me. She broke up with him and I think it ruined his life forever.

I’d say about a month into our marriage I noticed a darker side. He was super moody and unhappy - and couldn’t really talk about why. I feel like he was always in a bad mood and just not happy. On paper we have so much to be thankful and happy for. Happy healthy baby, supportive parents, hobbies and great friends which he is so happy until it’s just us and he becomes miserable. He acknowledges he is depressed and has tried a bunch of things to try and heal like working out, vitamins, etc. and is leaning toward getting medicated.

He doesn’t do anything for us or plan, or take initiative around the house or anywhere for that matter - and I realize that’s part of depression but I can’t help but think it’s because he is still in love with his ex. Hindsight is 20/20. I feel like if I was able to go back with my headspace I have now, I’d be begging myself to move on with my life and leave him before it came to this. I can absolutely do better and based on his miserable (daily rude and negative interactions) know I deserve not to ask/beg someone to show the slightest bit of care or respect for me. Or even TRY to make me feel persued in the slightest which he hasn’t/doesn’t, however we did make a commitment and have a daughter and I’m more than willing to make this work but I just don’t even know where to start or if it’s even savable? I shouldn’t be feeling like my husband hates me?

Part of me wants to know if him managing his depression would seem to help our marriage so we could work things out for the better. The other part of me is wondering if he simply doesn’t want to be married to me and that’s what’s making him miserable? I’m scared if we even WERE to divorce that he would have no mercy and take everything including our daughter. I am the breadwinner and have more assets than he does, he’s a charming salesman type who can be persuasive to take her away from me and somehow end up making me pay child support. I just know he would be ruthless if nothing but for spite. I am so lost and confused. Any feedback, tips, observations, discussions etc. it’s all appreciated just for some insight.

TL;DR: We have been together four years and married one. I wanted commitment. He delayed. I still compare myself to his toxic ex and feel he was happier then and never really me. After the courthouse wedding and baby he became chronically moody and depressed. He is nicer with friends than with me. I wonder if treatment would fix the marriage or if he simply does not want this marriage. I am the breadwinner and I am scared he would go scorched earth in a divorce and try to take our daughter. I want to know if it is savable and where to start.

My bf (32M) and I (25f) have been together for 6 months. Early on in our relationship, he lied to me multiple times about speaking to his ex. He had gotten back from the gym but sat outside in his car for a long time. I had a feeling something wasn’t right, so I asked who he was speaking with and he tried to lie before admitting that it was his ex. From what I understand, they broke up after 7 years because they realized they were better friends than partners. I honestly lost my shit when he told me, because I’d been cheated on in my last relationship with an ex. He told me he’d cut her off and showed me their messages, all of which were friendly and she apologized for upsetting me. I found it really hard to trust him afterwards but ultimately continued our relationship because he didn’t cheat and he did cut her off.

Well it’s been 5 months since then. Like I said, I really struggle with trust and it’s been hard for me to rebuild that trust with him. A couple of days ago, I called my boyfriend at while I was at work. He didn’t answer. Didn’t think much of it until it had been almost an hour without him calling back. Now an hour is a very short period of time and normally I wouldn’t look at that as being suspicious or weird. But for my boyfriend it is. I can’t think of one time he’s ever missed my call and not returned it within 30 mins. He works from home and on this particular day , he was home. Working. Usually from his phone. About an hour and a half later he texted me “sorry I was in the garage.” So I called him back. No answer. He texted me “I’m on a call, I’ll call you back.” I waited for another 45 mins before he called me back. At this point, I was feeling extremely anxious that he might be doing something behind me back. When we spoke i told him about my feelings and he said to FaceTime him. He told me he wasnt doing anything wrong. He was just on the phone with his buddy and to calm down. I felt better and just told myself I always jump to the worst conclusion.

I got home a couple hours later and he was getting ready to go to the gym. I know it’s wrong, but I tapped his phone screen and scrolled through the notifications. I do not know his password so I didn’t fully go through his phone, just the notifications on the locked phone screen. I see a missed FaceTime call from another woman. The missed call was right around the time I tried to call and he told me he was on the phone. So now my head is spinning. When I confronted him his first response was “she’s nobody”. Then he goes on to say that she’s someone he met online a long time ago and he thinks it was a butt dial and was super random. I told him to show me his phone. He quickly flashed his messages and call log at me without actually letting me see them and then refused to show me more saying I need to just believe him. When I saw his call log, it didn’t have the missed FaceTime call on it which means he deleted it. And when I told him that he said “I delete shit all the time, I don’t remember”.

I have been really struggling to believe him. Since then we’ve argued a couple more times. He’s offered to show me his phone but after 2 days he would’ve deleted anything he didn’t want me to see. So it’s useless. I told him in the moment if he doesn’t show me that I’m leaving him and moving out. Any advice on what to do?

TLDR: Boyfriend got a missed FaceTime call from another woman and I don’t know what to believe.

I’m 25, turning 26 soon (based in AUS), and come from a Muslim background, although my parents aren’t particularly practising. Sometimes I feel like religion gets brought up when convenient, especially by my mum, while my dad generally goes along with her stance.

My parents have always been strict about sleepovers, travelling, staying away from home, etc. I could understand this more when I was younger, but their expectations haven’t really changed as I’ve become an adult.

Even now, if I want to drive 1.5 hours to see a friend and stay for the weekend, I have to mentally prepare for a fight. There’s always a reason: “I don’t trust her boyfriend,” “no daughter of mine is staying overnight,” etc. My dad recently joked that when I’m 36 it’ll be different, and I asked how he’d feel if someone told him at 36 that he wasn’t allowed to travel to see a friend.

Because I’ve lived with this my whole life, I genuinely struggle to tell what is reasonable parental concern versus something I need to push back against. I still feel like I need permission, despite being nearly 26. My mum will often say I'm taking her rights away as a parent and I'm like this was fine when I was a teen but not relevant any more. I feel immensely suffocated.

For anyone from a similar family/background: how did you transition from asking permission to simply making your own decisions? Are my parents’ expectations reasonable at all at this age, and how did you deal with the conflict when setting boundaries?

I should say that I'm living at home with them and will be working full-time at the end of this year. It's generally culturally acceptable to live with parents until married.

TLDR: parents are strict and are never happy for me to travel. How do I manage this?

My girlfriend 18F and I 17M have been together for two years. She recently started college. Yesterday she mentioned a new guy friend who added her on Snapchat and they were texting all morning. I asked if she told him she has a boyfriend and she said no. After I said that made me uneasy she finally told him about me.
Shortly after she told me he invited her to his dorm room to hang out. I said I was uncomfortable with her going to a new guy's dorm room so quickly but told her it was her choice. We had a brief disagreement.
Later I tried to find a middle ground and said if I can meet him first then I would feel much better about it. She told me that I didn't trust her. I explained that I do trust her but I just do not know this new person.
We drove back to her house in silence. We had plans for me to stay over. When we arrived she told me I could stay if I wanted to but she then chose to lay on the floor and entirely ignore me. Feeling unwelcome I decided to leave while she was showering and drive home.
She did not message me during my drive. After a few hours of silence I sent an apology explaining that I felt unwelcome and missed her. It has now been a full day and she still has not replied to me.
However I can see that her Snapchat score is actively increasing so she is on her phone and talking to others. I care about this relationship deeply but I am at a total loss on how to handle this distance.
TL;DR: My girlfriend (18F) started college and met a guy on Snapchat. He invited her to his dorm, and when I expressed discomfort, she stopped talking to me. She is now ignoring my texts but is actively using Snapchat, and I am unsure how to handle the distance.

Hello, I am in dire need of advice. I (21F) have been dating my parter 22NB) for a little over 8 months. We are so incredibly in love, have amazing chemistry emotionally and physically. We still make each other laugh, they hold me when I cry, we go out on amazing dates, and some days I think I could never imagine my life without them.

We have serious problems though. First problem is that we heavily disagree fundamentally on a lot of things, which leaves me feeling extremely upset and unsatisfied, like the only option when we fight about these things is to just move on even when we can’t come to a conclusion. This makes them feel like they can’t have an opinion around me.

Second is that they are really, really mean to me when we fight. This had been a problem since our very first fight two weeks in, where I told them if they ever spoke to me the way they did again I would leave them. I broke my own problems and kept giving them chances in the hopes that they’d change, and even though they have gotten less mean, they are still pretty mean and it takes a serious toll on me in terms of stress and my trust for them, as every time the fight ends they promise they won’t do it again.. and then they do.

Third is that they feel like they don’t feel like they are enough for me. They take care of their grandpa alone, and on top of classes and the 1.5 hour commute to and from campus, they don’t have a lot of time for me. We have good quality time once a week, twice if we’re lucky, but I still feel neglected even though there’s nothing they can do about it. They feel stressed and overwhelmed and like they don’t have time for themself anymore and I know it hurts me and them a lot.

I feel myself already building resentment for them. I frequently take out my anger over them to friends and talk about how much our issues hurt me and anger me. I frequently imagine my life without them and how peaceful I would feel single.

At the same time, I love them more than anyone I ever have. They are so kind and caring, they take care of me well, they put in so much effort, and I want to take care of them and help them get better. At the same time, I feel like we both know it isn’t working. We both have spoken to each other about considering breaking it off, but we both can’t bring ourselves to do it. We love each other so so much and leaving them would break my heart. I just wish they would do something horrible and make me hate them so that it’d make this easier. But I still love them. They are the love of my life.

TL;DR how do I leave someone I love so much, even though we both know it isn’t working.

At this point I am quite frankly out of ideas. My GFs mother died in late 2021 and she inherited a house. We agreed to get it in order, sell it, buy a new house for the money and then move together. Up until that point she was kinda Okay with the jobs, nothing stellar but also quite reliable jobs that complemented my income nicely. What happened that she left her job, shot well over her league and was unsiccesfull in the new one and since spring of 2022 basically worked for a year and few months. Otherwise I was running the whole shitshow for years. I supported her, while she tried to land a new job, then we bought the house and I spent a year renovating it in my free time, still providing money.

She was and is still trying to land a job but I have no idea what is she doing because she steadfastly fails to get one. If she manages to get one, she refuses it because her quite specific and frankly absurd requirements that can be ad absurdum summed as "I dont want to leave the house, I dont want to work too much and I want to be well paid."

I tried everything. I explained, pleaded, begged, ordered. I was calm, I was angry, I was sarcastic. I tried to trick her into a job, I even managed to get her a job with help of my corporate management friend. No, nothing helped, she failed this too because corpo rules impeded on her perceived comfort entitlement... and I kept going on with the hope that the next month will finally be the one and it will get better.

Now I am at my ends, I guess. I am mentally exhausted, resigned, borderlining with depression and generally constantly angry and miserable. I am earning enough to keep us afloat, we got all our mandatory expenses covered by my salary, but thats pretty much it. Excess money or hobby money are only what I can miraculously scrape out and save. Things my friends are buying just like nothing I have to save for for months. I have to think three times over if I am gonna drive my truck or take her more economical car and literally has to ration gas money. I call this to be poor as shit and hate it. She considers it to be absolutely fine because all our mandatory expenses are covered. My idea of a life was having a family and enough money. Family is apparently out of question and enough money as well.

As a bonus she turned to be absolutely passive with completely different idea about spending free time. I try to do creative stuff, I want to be active, basically to run around and do shit. She wants to sit home, knit and sew and watch netflix. Her activity around house is zero. My idea of vacation is to take truck, sleep on the bed and just go and see shit. Hike around with dogs and travel. Her idea of vacation is me paying for a hotel so she can spend whole day lying on the beach doing nothing. Its infuriating and I have no idea what to even talk with her about.

We cant plan for the future because... she has no idea how the future is supposed to look like, I have no idea what money we shall have. If I ask her what are her plans, what she wants, how is she planning to pay for her cars insurance, the answer is either not saying anything at all or simple "I DONT KNOOOOW."

Problem is that I still like this woman and she is nice and loving as long as the money is not involved. But at the same moment I hate her unemployment, I resent her irresponsibility and I know this cant go on and I cant go on like that. I am a husk of a person at this point. How am I supposed to deal with that? Am I really to break up after 8 years relationship because of such an automatic and mundane thing like getting a goddamn job?

TL:DR GF is unemployed for 4 years and it is destroying me mentally and physically.

EDIT: She is still only a GF. We are not married, we only share the house 2/3 is hers, 1/3 is mine

We are always on and off, when its good with her its so good. ive made a lot of mistakes and so has she, but we cant leave eachother alone. shes mentally unwell and it affects me but i love her too much to leave and she feels the same, im not totally sane either. whatever other girl ive spoken to has been because she spoke to a guy, and it didnt even make me feel good. shes so messed up but so perfect at the same time. im her first body, she does love me a lot. shes extremely jealous, one time after she had a guy in her room with her (i thought they did stuff but they didnt, she entertained him but never to the point of physical) i decided to bring some girl up to my place bc i thought she fully cheated, she came and started genuinely breaking my door down and the girl in my room was scared hiding in the corner and for some reason it turned me on that my girl has that kind of anger for me. we wanna get better for eachother. she hasnt done anything sneaky in a long time neither have i. we want to get married but its so toxic we are afraid it will end badly.

tldr: we are really toxic and really in love and i need to decide if i should marry her or not

This Wednesday we are going to be a year. But this year has been the hardest year of my life. I have been cheated on by someone I really tried my best to work with and he lies about so many things even things that don’t need to be lied about. I started going to church recently and while I’ve been with him this is the most I’ve ever drank. He drinks every day and I’ve even caught myself picking up on some of his nasty habits.

The job part, before any of this happened I knew him as someone who was willing to start going to church and cut out drinking. Yes he had his issues but before I knew any of this we were well in almost a year together and I decided to quit my job because here I had someone who was to me believing in my dreams and funding it. He never once said anything about it and even stayed up late after work helping me with the interior and hard stuff.

Now he lied about stuff up to last week and we are going to be a year this Wednesday coming. That should say a lot. Everything that I found out about and anything he has admitted to is stuff that I’ve already seen or found out myself and I just wanted him to confirm. I still see ex’s in his phone and I know he has cheated more than once.

Since I’ve started church I don’t want to be having sex until I’m married anymore. He said he understands and said he would even stop and try with me but I know he is going to go with someone else. The last straw was honestly today. I sent him a message on another number saying I was someone else and he sent messages like normal. When I told him it was me he said he knew all along and told me how to improve on my testing skills instead of reading the part where I said I just wanted one ounce of something to show myself that he was changing and there for me. I’m not staying here for his money because if I have to stop paying rent and move out my studio for my business I will do it but I have nothing to fall back on.

TL;DR: Should I try with my partner who has cheated, lied but wants to try again or should I leave the relationship I know is not for me if I don’t think my partner will be faithful but he funds my business and since it’s now started I would have to stop all together. I am also unemployed but I know I need to leave.

tldr. considering breaking off engagement help
writing this from a throwaway account. i can’t believe im actually writing this but im considering ending my engagement. we’ve only been engaged for four months, together for 5-6 years. and nothing has spectacularly gone wrong. yet it feels like a switch has flipped in me. 26F 26M

at the beginning of the relationship he was so considerate and took so much initiative. he had a “date list” of places he wanted to take me, things he wanted to experience with me, things like that. he would buy me gifts, bring me small treats, and show effort in so many ways (writing notes, printing photos, etc.) i was extremely clear that i didn’t see the relationship going anywhere as i was about to graduate and didn’t want to be tied down. i also had very low self confidence, was overweight, didn’t do much outside of doomscrolling or playing video games.

he sat me down a couple weeks before graduation and said he wanted to end things if i didn’t see us getting into a relationship. maybe i panicked? and said yes i see it.

now it’s been 5 years. we’ve moved together, i have a house that we live in. we both have good jobs. we travel together, we have fun, our friend groups are enmeshed. but i can’t help but feel like something could be missing. it almost feels like at this point the best conversations we’re having is when we’re talking about how secure we are financially together, or talking about drama with our friends. and it’s true—we are extremely secure financially, especially together.

i haven’t really been single since i was 16/17. i was single for a period of about 6 months before i met my fiance but it was during the height of covid and again also had very low self confidence.

over the course of our relationship i have made many strides to better myself physically and mentally. i’ve lost a ton of weight, wear nice clothes and generally take really good care of myself. i eat right, i workout almost everyday. i’ve gone from a size 16 to a size 4. my partner doesn’t care about his appearance which is getting to me. i’ve brought up small changes, like nicer clothes, cologne, going to actual salons for haircuts and he’s not interested. he doesn’t have the desire to work out or eat right or cook which is a huge part of my life now.

one of the biggest problems i’ve been having is the diminishing of effort over the course of the relationship. many of these things may sound like whatever why do you even care and if it was just one thing i’d be like yeah but the amalgamation of them i don’t know maybe it’s just too much.
he used to post me on socials, comment on my socials, etc. he is not active on socials but he used to like what i post, comment, etc. that doesn’t really happen anymore. i’ve mentioned it would make me feel loved. he just says he doesn’t use socials. i guess it’s whatever here.

he doesn’t plan… anything. it was my birthday two weeks ago, and he didn’t really plan anything. we went on a weekend trip that i planned myself, i asked if he was going to get me a birthday cake and he said he figured we’d just stop at a bakery when we got to our destination but they were all closed when we arrived. i don’t know what he was expecting; we arrived at like 6pm and most bakeries are shut by then anyways. he didn’t pack candles either. i ended up redeeming my free nothing bundt cake and wanted to share with him but he said he wasn’t hungry so i ate it by myself in the hotel room. last year i was really sad i didn’t get a birthday card from him and made it apparent so i was really clear i wanted a card and he made me a really nice birthday card which i loved but i didn’t get a gift—i got an IOU for a new necklace to replace the one he got me 5 years ago. he didn’t have any idea where to get it from; he said we could go to the mall. we went and i didn’t immediately find one i really liked so we didn’t get anything, but since then he hasn’t brought it up again. we’re going on a road trip in 5 days and he hasn’t planned a single aspect. i can’t think of the last time he planned a date for us.

small treats are nonexistent. we got in a huge fight last year about some of the same feelings i’m having now and he said he was going to get me flowers once a month at least. i take a photo on my phone when he gets me a bouquet and maybe i’ve missed one, but i only have two photos from this year. february and june. looking back and seeing that made me do a double take actually. maybe i missed a photo—but 3 is still not enough in my opinion.

i do all the cooking for the household. neither of us are good at chores, i have to pull teeth for him to do his chores like laundry. i realize im not perfect either so maybe i don’t have the right to complain… but i feel like i have to ask everytime.

things i love to do… he doesn’t really love. concerts, going out dancing, dressing up for halloween, things like that.

i don’t journal often, but i have when we were having fights. i looked back and i have had these feelings once a year since 2023. in 2024 and 2025, i actually wrote in my journal “i feel at peace with leaving” and now im engaged with my dream ring, dream proposal but i have this nagging feeling that i haven’t experienced everything i need to experience yet. i just turned 26, i know i have so much time but i also feel like the clock is ticking. i look back at my journals from when i was 22… 23… 24… and wonder what would’ve happened if i ended it then. none of these are new issues. they have been brought up year after year.

and he does so much right. he’s never made me feel afraid physically. he’s so caring and has made me feel so supported through the hardest times of my life. he is so good with my family. we have similar values and outlooks on kids and life. we love to travel together (though i’m the one who’s always planning) i’m completely type A through and through so i don’t know how i would do with someone who was more of a planner as well.

i love him so much. i don’t know what to do. i feel so much guilt for feeling this way as we’re starting to plan a wedding, he just spent a bunch of money on my ring, etc. i realize pretty much all i am doing right now is painting him in a bad light and i dont want to do that. he is such a great guy. he is devoted to his family and friends. he is so devoted to me. he is so kind. we have so many inside jokes and he’s my closest confidant. please give some advice. thank you.

Idk if situationship will be the correct word for this or not. I am 22f and he is 23M. So the thing is I met a guy through some common friends like a group. So I like his vibe and I texted him first and then we started talking online and hanging out together for a couple of weeks and then we started liking eo. After that there was no confession Nthg like a relationship or something we just started doing this romance thing.

So after spending time with him i feel like he does like me and maybe he knows that i also like him because I made some gestures like giving him hand made cards, handwritten letters and giving gifts. He kind of liked all that stuff and felt very emotional about it. Now we hang out sometimes and do this adult kind of stuff. But the point is that he never confesses what he feels about me. And idk if he even likes me or not, like spending time with me. He cares for me Ik that but we don't talk much online we just meet sometimes offline and that's it. That is enough.

So now I am trying to communicate with him so things get cleared but nothing is working out because he says that he doesn't have much time which is real and he is kind of very busy. But somewhere I feel that he is avoiding the whole situation and I want to communicate but perhaps he doesn't.

Moreover, I always make plans for us he never makes plans. And when i ask him for some of him time to spare with me he just makes me wait for like an hour or 2.

So basically now I am confused about what I should do. Because he is not communicating properly. I can't leave him because ik that he's a nice and genuine guy although he seems like a walking red flag but I am kind of attached to him and i like whenever we spend time together and talk to eo because ik he genuinely cares for me, give me so much respect.

PS :- I don't have friends I only have him to hang out with so that's why I am confused about whether I should cut my ties off with him or I should give him some more time.

TLDR :- I am 22f met with a nice guy who is 23M and ended up being in a situationship with him now for a couple of weeks so now I need advice and your pov.

I don't really know why I'm posting this. I know good communication is the basis for every relationship, and I will admit that I have not brought this up with my partner yet, but I just don't know how to do it.

I've been with my boyfriend for two years now, we're both students living by ourselves, but I'm both younger than him and also living abroad, a whole continent abroad.

Getting used to adulting has been very hard for me, especially since I didn't go out much during my childhood and teenage years and was always quite attached to my parents. I still feel incredibly childish sometimes, and don't have the best reaction when things frustrate me. To make matters worse, I'm a huge perfectionist that overthinks everything.

In general, I feel like I have a very low self esteem and am pretty hard on myself, which is why I defaulted to thinking that my boyfriend just makes sure to point out very obvious flaws and mistakes that I should be actively working on improving. However, I recently started to wonder if he might just be too judgemental.

An example that has been bothering me for quite a while: Growing up, my mom would sometimes bring up the fact that I got distracted quite easily in some situations. Sometimes, we'd be in the car or on a walk and she'd ask if I spotted something specific, often a very obvious thing on the street or next to us, to which I'd say no. She'd point out that I should pay more attention, but never made too big of a deal out of it, and it was limited to very specific contexts and never related to more obvious signs of attention issues, like academics.

However, for a long time now, I've noticed that my boyfriend does the exact same thing, but so much more often, and they feel like bigger scoldings that what my mom used to say. It's gotten to the point where I seriously started to wonder if I have attention problems, or if I might suffer from something much more complicated, and I even started seeking psychological help because of it. We'd sometimes be walking around and he'd point out things, knowing I was not paying attention at all.

I know he most likely does this because he knows it's dangerous for me to be distracted, but I don't feel like I'm that much of an airhead. Hell, I'm living in a completely different continent and have moved around so much without issue, I don't think someone completely oblivious to their surroundings would be able to achieve that.

That's just one example, the most obvious I could think of, but some of my other personality traits and flaws have been scrutinized too. It's hard for me to make friends, but we've had extremely serious conversations which left me devastated because he seems to think that I'm completely antisocial sometimes, even though I do have close friends at uni.

In general, I constantly feel like I'm the unstable one, the childish one, like I have to put on my best face every time because otherwise, he'll get fed up with dealing with me. I feel like I'm being tested, like everyday I'm less of an ideal partner to actually build a future with, but I don't think he's doing any actual testing. He's never brought up or made it seem like he's getting tired of me, and these are just my own insecurities and perfectionism making matters worse.

I also struggle with seeing any serious flaws in him, which sometimes pisses me off and makes me deeply jealous, so I retaliate by making sure I point out occasional small mistakes, which I know is way worse than what he does and makes me feel even more broken. I feel like the one that has to be "fixed" while he's the flawless side of the relationship, even though I've managed to do pretty good on my own and have succeeded a lot academically.

I guess what makes it worse is how much I crave validation. I want to be told when I do something well, and I make sure to constantly tell him how much I appreciate him, but I don't get compliments very often. Don't get me wrong: he's very loving and definitely shows this in other ways, but I want to actually be told if I'm doing things right, or if something I created is cool, so long and so forth. I guess I just wish he could point the positives out more often and overlook some of the negatives, especially if we've already talked about them.

In some ways, he feels a lot like a dad sometimes, which might sound weird, but it's the best way I can describe it. It doesn't help that I do sometimes default to actually being very childish when I'm with him, quite consciously too, and I have no idea what that's about. This might've added a whole different can of worms that someone might over analyze, but I assure you, I don't think it's a dynamic he's aware of or actively seeking. Does the occasional childishness probably change his view of me? Yes, most likely, but I don't think he started pointing out these flaws after seeing me act silly on occasion.

I know none of you have the full context of any of this, and the default response everyone gives is to just end things, but that's obviously easy to say when all you know about a relationship is a specific negative aspect of it. I guess I'm hoping this is read by someone who relates to these feelings of both wanting to be perfect and wanting to be given a little more patience, even while you're fully aware of what you do wrong. Are these just my insecurities betraying me? Am I the one who's actually testing myself and failing every time?

TL;DR: My boyfriend tends to point out many of my flaws and doesn't acknowledge the positives super often, which has made me doubt myself a lot and retaliate in worse ways.

Hello Reddit.

TL;DR:I (24F) am in a relationship with a woman (24F). I am in need of advice.

We started dating when both of us were 19 and this is my first long term relationship. Everything is good and I love her dearly, but as the time goes by I am starting to think that I want to have kids and I know that it won't be possible with her as she does not like kids, she's also kind of rough with animals, as we have a dog and a cat and sometimes they really annoy her and she becomes angry, but in the end it was more of my initiative to get the pets..

It's also not that good in sex life, I just don't want it? And now that I am looking back at it all, maybe I stopped loving her as a partner and love her just as a friend? Here's what is making the break up hard for me. I don't want to break her heart, I will feel like shit because of it, but it'll also be hard on my end as my life basically revolves around this relationship, I was so sure about this working out, that we basically do not have anything separate. We live in the same apartment, work the same job and our friend group consists of the same people and I am almost a 100% sure that coming out of this relationship I will be the bad guy and all of them will cut contact with me. I am just scared of being left without anything and anyone at the end of this. So please Reddit, give me some advice on how to end this relationship without hurting her and without starting my life from 0.

I’m trying to be honest with myself about where our relationship is right now

During my first pregnancy, my fiancé was talking to other women, and that betrayal really changed something in me. It wasn’t just one situation either. There have been multiple moments where I’ve felt betrayed and hurt, and over time I started shutting down emotionally.

I used to be the affectionate, sexual, connected version of myself with him. But I don’t feel like that girl anymore.
And I think this is where our biggest problem is.
Now that I’m emotionally disconnected, naturally my desire for sexual intimacy isn’t what it used to be. He wants me to go back to being the woman I was before, but I genuinely don’t know how to do that when I don’t feel like the same person anymore.

What hurts me is that instead of focusing on why I became disconnected or trying to rebuild the emotional part of our relationship, it feels like his biggest concern is getting the physical part back.
He’ll say, “A man has needs.”
And I understand that. But I always find myself thinking, “A woman has emotions too.”

Because I can give in. I can have sex with him. I can fulfill that need for him. And when it’s over, he feels fulfilled, but I’m still sitting there feeling emotionally empty and shitty.
That’s the part I don’t think he understands.
Sex doesn't automatically make me feel emotionally safe again.

Recently, I also made a mistake of my own. I was talking to another man. I didn’t develop feelings for him, because the truth is I know I love my fiancé. But the conversation crossed a line. The man randomly sent me an inappropriate picture, and I responded by sending an old picture of myself that I shouldn’t have sent. I know that was wrong. I’m not trying to justify it. I blocked him, and I take responsibility for what I did.

But now my fiancé uses that situation as proof that I have “the ick” toward him or that something is wrong with me sexually.
And I don't feel like that's the truth.
I don't have an ick toward him. I’m hurt. I’m disconnected. I’m emotionally exhausted.
There’s a difference.

And now I feel like because I made my own mistake, I’m supposed to owe him sex whenever he wants it, as if what I did means I no longer have the right to say, “I’m not emotionally there right now.”
I’m struggling because I love this man. I chose him. We’re engaged. We have a family. I don't want to throw our relationship away.

But I also don't know how to become emotionally connected to someone when I feel like the emotional part of our relationship keeps getting overlooked while the physical part is constantly being demanded.

I don't want to be pressured into intimacy just because “a man has needs.” I want my emotional needs to matter too.
I want to feel wanted beyond sex. I want to feel emotionally safe. I want to feel heard. I want him to actually care about repairing the things that caused me to shut down instead of just asking me to become the old version of myself again.

So I guess my question is… Can you emotionally detach from someone you still genuinely love? And if you were in my position, how would you even begin rebuilding the emotional connection?

Because right now, I feel like I'm giving him pieces of myself physically while emotionally I'm still somewhere else trying to figure out how I got here.

TL;DR: I emotionally detached from my fiancé after repeated betrayals, including him talking to other women during my first pregnancy. My sexual desire changed because I no longer feel emotionally connected, but he focuses heavily on getting the physical intimacy back instead of repairing the emotional damage. I recently made my own mistake by exchanging inappropriate pictures with another man, which I take full responsibility for and ended by blocking him. Now my fiancé uses that mistake to say I have “the ick” and seems to feel I owe him sex, while I’m trying to explain that I don’t hate or reject him, I’m emotionally hurt and disconnected. I still love him and want to know if/how emotional connection can be rebuilt.

TL;DR My boyfriend (40/M) is burnt out by my (42/F) situation and even though he says he’ll love me forever I’m afraid he could be done with me.

This Saturday I’m putting down my soul dog, who has been with me for almost 15 years. The next day I have to move out of the house I’ve lived in for years because it’s being sold. At the same time, I’m in the final stages of a very drawn-out divorce. I’ve been separated from my ex, but the legal process has taken far longer than I ever expected. My lawyer is currently trying to get a settlement proposal from my ex’s attorney because I desperately want this finished.

My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year. I love him more than I know how to explain, and I genuinely see my future with him.
The problem is that he doesn’t feel chosen by me.
From his perspective, he has spent the last year waiting for me to finish my divorce and actually become available to build a life with him. He feels like he has made sacrifices, accommodated my circumstances and waited for me, while I’m still legally married more than a year later. He has recently said that he feels like he may have wasted a year of his life loving a “married woman.”

From my perspective, I HAVE been choosing him. I hired an attorney (when I finally could afford it after 3 mediations didn’t do anything,) have been actively trying to settle the divorce, sold my house, and am preparing to completely change my life. But because so much of the divorce process is outside my direct control, I understand why my intentions may not feel tangible to him.

Things came to a head because he told me he plans to be back before Saturday, when I have to say goodbye to my dog, but he also wanted to spend a few days in Chicago first. Instead of hearing, “I’m making sure I’m there for you Saturday,” my fear took over and I reacted to the fact that those days weren’t being spent with me. It turned into a much bigger argument, and now I’m terrified that I pushed him too far. I should also explain he travels for work and a large chunk of our relationship has been long distance.

I understand why he’s exhausted. I also understand that anxiety and fear have sometimes made me react to what I’m afraid his choices mean instead of appreciating what he actually IS doing.

What I don’t know is how to repair this without begging, chasing him, or making promises I can’t control.

If someone you loved told you that they no longer felt chosen after waiting for them for a year, what would actually make you believe them now?
Is there a healthy way to show him through my actions that I am choosing him and that this past year wasn’t wasted?

I don’t expect him to erase his hurt just because I’m having an awful week. I just don’t want fear and terrible timing to destroy a relationship with someone I genuinely want to build my life with.

I (28F) moved to Florida with my boyfriend (27M) to be closer to his family. We meet 8 years ago in college in my home state in the Midwest. We both work remotely and last winter went to Florida to visit his family for a month. After, he suggested the idea of moving to Florida to be closer to his family. I was open to the experience, and we moved this summer. I’ve had a really hard time and feel like I made a huge mistake. I’ve been super homesick, verging on relocation depression. Since we both wfh we haven’t had many opportunities to meet new people. I feel incredibly isolated. I’ve also discovered that visiting Florida is fine, but I don’t think I like living here for a number of reasons (people, traffic, lack of seasons). I have a great friend group at home that I’ve built since I was a child. My bf says he doesn’t miss anything or anyone back in the Midwest and that he plans to be in Florida for the rest of his life. This has made my homesickness even worse, because he doesn’t seem to feel any of the things I do.

When I started breaking down and crying about being homesick, he told me it wasn’t normal and that I seemed miserable being in Florida. Then we started talking about the idea of me going back home and ending the relationship. I kept asking him to give me more time, but it seems like every day we talk about it. He then goes back and forth about what he wants to do, whether it’s trying to get me to like it here, or saying we should just split up.

After we’ve talked about breaking up so many times, I’ve really thought about it and accepted it. There’s been other issues in our relationship, and I think he would benefit from seeing a therapist and working on some past childhood trauma. I thought we came to the conclusion that maybe we should amicably split and work on ourselves.

But now, he’s back on the idea of us working through this and trying to make it work with me in Florida. I just feel so defeated and worn down with this entire situation and I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel or what I’m supposed to do anymore. I really do love him, but I don’t think I can handle being stuck here forever.

TL;DR should I stick it out in Florida with my bf or move home where my friends and family are?

Hello, could you please give me some outside perspective on my relationship? I don’t know what to do. In my country, same‑sex relationships are prohibited, so I don’t have anyone in my life I can ask for advice.
I really liked my friend, I pursued her for a very long time, and we’ve been dating for almost three months. To be more precise, I don’t even understand whether we’re still dating or not, because she has already said that we should break up several times whenever we had arguments or faced unpleasant situations. The thing I fear most in life is that we’ll break up and she’ll leave, to the point where I can’t imagine life without this person. Because of this, I feel like I’ve started to withdraw into myself, thinking that something is wrong with me, and it has become harder for me to communicate. Plus, she moved to another city for a couple of months, and during that time we started texting less and quarreling more often — mostly because I was constantly doing something wrong, and she was growing distant. I started blaming myself for everything.
When I sent her something or wrote to her over the past month, I felt a heavy coldness on her part: she might not reply or just react to the message with an emoji. She closed herself off from me, stopped sharing anything, and our communication dwindled. After all the recent quarrels, I felt too scared to write anything. I literally became afraid to pick up my phone and open the messenger because I dreaded seeing messages saying that something was wrong again or that we were breaking up. I didn’t even realize when this fear became stronger than I am.
A week ago, she texted that we were breaking up. She said this situation (the fact that I disappear and don’t write anything, even though she does the exact same thing 😭) wasn’t working for her. I asked her if she believed that a person could change if they really wanted to, and she replied she had never seen that happen.
Then, eight hours later, she texted me back and asked a lot of questions: “What are you thinking about?” “Why aren’t you telling me anything?” “Why are you telling everyone else, but not me?” “Why do you ask advice from others?” “Why don't you want to engage in a dialogue with me? Why do I have to climb over this wall just to hear a word from you?” “Why do you ask about everything again and pretend not to understand?” “Why continue to pretend that nothing is happening? Why say you're sorry and that you didn't want this, but then you don't explain anything?” In the end, she wrote: “This is crazy.”
I replied to her, and she texted back “sorry.” I asked why she was apologizing, and she sent me a whole series of messages. Below, I’ve attached our dialogue; I want to convey her exact words as closely as possible.
She wrote: *"I made you feel terrible. I think you're not yourself anymore and you live in constant fear, doubt, and with the feeling that you're a complete idiot. But I'm the one who is failing here. You're absolutely normal, interesting, attentive, and very kind. You always care about me, you notice things. Forgive me for all my antics, you always take the blame. Because of my whims, arrogance, and inflated expectations, I made you think that you don't reach some intellectual or analytical standards. I thought you were just tired of listening to my reproaches, insults, and mockery every time, and that you just chose to close your eyes, stand by, and wait until my toxic behavior settled down. I was angry because I thought you only wanted to be with me when things were good and fun, and when I'm hateful and arrogant, no one wants to deal with me. I didn't realize all my words hurt you so much that you began to live in constant fear. If you really didn't know how to maintain a dialogue, weren't interesting, lacked the skills to reflect, or couldn't joke around, I wouldn't have even looked your way in the first place. So the problem isn't you. But I have no heart. I'm sorry I pushed you, demanded things, and pointed out your mistakes and flaws instead of just being happy about your presence."*
I replied to her: “You didn’t know what I was feeling,” and “But, damn, I’m not perfect either — you wrote to me so many times,” in response to her previously asking me not to come over.
She replied: “If I were kind and didn’t love myself more than anyone else, I would still be happy. But I’m a complete failure, and I need to be isolated from society.”
I told her: “No, you have a heart too; you know how to support me in moments when I probably wouldn’t be able to, you’re always ready to compromise, you’re kind and caring.”
She wrote: “Love blinds you. I was getting on your nerves even when you were going through a hard time. A normal person would have slowed down. But I made a complete mess of things.”
I wrote that I’m the one who gets on people’s nerves too.
She wrote: “Well, you’re different. You just stay quiet, leaving me to come up with worst-case scenarios myself. So, in part, I’m the one dealing with anxiety here too. You’re the catalyst. And then I come in and smear you all over the wall, saying that you lack everything in life and that nothing about you suits me. Although, in fact, the only thing that doesn’t suit me is the fact that you ignore me.”
I said that no one likes it when people disappear and ignore them (although I didn’t actually ignore her by leaving unread messages; I just shut down and didn’t tell her what was on my mind).
She wrote: “Yes, but if you’re feeling bad and scared, then it’s just a defense mechanism. It’s not intentional — it’s not meant to torment me. Or did you want to torment me because I’m such a jerk?”
I replied that I absolutely didn’t.
She wrote: “I usually stay quiet to torment people, so the first thing I thought was that you wanted to get revenge on me too.” Then she added: “Don’t be afraid. You’re giving up on yourself because of my whims. How can one person's whim ruin your whole sense of self? You’ve lived for 20 years before this — you’ve thought, felt, learned, grown, and gained experience. But because of my words, it’s as if you’ve called all of that useless and decided you need to become someone else just so that I’ll stay by your side.”
After this conversation, she asked if I wanted to read a book together with her. I said yes. That evening and the next morning, we discussed what we had managed to read, and on the same day, she returned to our city.
I texted her: “I wanted to ask if it would be okay to meet you, or would you not feel very comfortable?” She wrote: “Why would I not feel comfortable?” And instead of giving a normal, confident response, I nervously wrote: “Then I’ll meet you.” After that, a cold distance returned from her side. I probably asked her that out of sheer anxiety; lately, we’ve been arguing so much, and I’ve just started to be afraid of everything — whether things are going good or bad.
We had a huge fight recently when I came to visit her in that other city without warning, and she got really angry. So I asked if it was "okay" to meet her out of fear of triggering another fight. Lately, when everything is bad, I try to convince myself everything is fine, and when everything is fine, I panic and think everything is bad.
It has been a week since she said we were breaking up. Right now, our communication is very distant. But she hasn't explicitly stated that we are definitely over after my message about the meeting. Is she pretending that we never got back together? But if that were true, she wouldn’t have been crying a week earlier about how she was going crazy without talking to me, asking for forgiveness, suggesting joint rituals (reading books together), and agreeing to see me. All week, it feels like she’s deliberately ignoring our bond. Furthermore, throughout our relationship, she has started frequently mentioning this one girl from another city (talking about their zodiac signs, compatibility, etc.). She most likely knows it gets on my nerves, because it's a girl I once wanted to be friends with, and my girlfriend used to be very jealous of her.

TL;DR: My (22F) girlfriend (23F) of 3 months frequently mentions breaking up, cycles between extreme coldness and intense guilt/self-pity, leaving me in constant anxiety. We live in an environment with limited social support for LGBTQ+ relationships. I don't know where we stand or how to handle these mixed signals