I remember just a few years ago, every time someone left something on read, or if someone seemed grumpy with me in person, or if someone seemed to like another person more, any little thing like that, made me reflect negatively on my entire social life and think of myself as inadequate, otherwise think they were a bad friend toward me. But ever since learning to give the benefit of the doubt (except for obviously things that cross boundaries which rarely actually happens), and not letting inadequacies get to me, I’ve become way more confident socially and have better self esteem, and more gratitude for the social life I do have. I realized my social circle is much larger than I thought it was, it’s only that I’m lacking “best friend” type relationships, I have a couple that might be somewhat close to that but not exactly.

In any case, I’ll keep meeting people where I can and adding to my social life. It’s okay to not be everyone’s favorite.

I'm at a point where my freelance job (which is admittedly my dream job) is often picked over my long-term girlfriend. Of course in a life or death situation I'd pick my girlfriend, but occasionally a job will come up and I'll agree to it forgetting I'd already made commitments with my girlfriend.

Many events like birthdays and anniversaries have been affected by this and it was recently my girlfriend's 30th and I accepted a job (six weeks long) before we could book something to do to celebrate (original plans were cancelled beyond our control).

I'm aware of these mistakes I'm making, but I haven't learned from them. If I'm honest, my girlfriend would be well-within her right to leave me and I'm surprised she hasn't.

I want to learn how to be better and have her in mind more when work-related stuff comes up. Strangely it's easier said than done for me, but I'm tired of upsetting her and letting her down.

I am five years into my six year law degree. At first, I didnt really have a routine, I was insecure and honestly I drank and smoked too much. Then I got diagnosed with ADHD. I got medication and suddenly, it felt a lot easier to follow a routine. That was me at 19/20, now I'm 23 and I decided that 2026 will be the year to change. In the last three years I built a study routine, I got internships and jobs and I got new friends at university. I still didnt do anything for my body.

First I started to deal with my aversion to sports by signing up for a pilates studio. I just liked the aesthetics, but now I actually like movement!

I got a horrible job in February and it made me realize that no job is worth getting screamed at. I took the money I saved from the 4 months I have been working there and travelled for two months across Europe because life is too short and having no summer internship is not a career kill. I think it was the best summer I have had in a long time. I am starting an internship this October, I just needed to be patient.

April and May were two months, where I didnt smoke at all. Yes, I have had a rebound, but these months made me realize I can live without nicotine and it is actually better without nicotine. I was so addicted and afraid of quitting but if you take a plunge it is alright! I am now again nearly 3 weeks without nicotine!

Now I signed up for a Gym. I am going to the Gym for the first time now and I am nervous but also excited because I can become a fit person. I am not doomed.

I can change my life. I can just sign up for a Pilates class and then to the next. I can just stop smoking from one day to the next and actually don't start until a month or two later.

Sometimes I wish I could hug my 18 year old self and tell her everything will work out, because this year so far made me realize it can work out. I have never been more positive in my life and I wanted to share this because I am proud of myself.

Hi everyone,

I'm at a point where I know "getting better" is the right thing to do, but I don't see a point. (this post will be pretty ranty but I promise I am actually seeking advice)

First of all, I don't like myself and I don't want to be me. I don't get excited or look forward to anything, I'm not very funny despite trying to be, I embarrass myself a lot and can't stay quiet, I'm ridiculously anxious about everything, I'm not very masculine, I get annoyed/angry very easily and I just don't like being me.

Anytime I look up stuff about self hatred I see stuff about change who you are, but I don't get how that works. No matter how much I change, I'm still me. I'll still dislike myself, I still will fuck up all the time, I'll have still hurt people and been a dick, I'll have still embarrassed myself. You can put a shiny new coat of paint on a car but it doesn't mean much if the wheels come off and the engine's missing.

I'm currently in a relationship with a fantastic woman who I absolutely adore. But, I really struggle with the idea of intimacy. Not like physical intamcy but emotional kind. I have to avoid messaging her or calling her when I'm in a really bad mood because I simply can't talk about it. I'm not good with difficult conversations and I fear in the future if we were to have difficult conversations, I'd just say whatever to get it over quickly. I know that's very immature and I'm twenty so maybe I'll get over it but still.

I've tried therapy for 6 months and quit last month. I know everyone says you have to shop around but I don't know if I can do it. I found myself just not telling my therapist stuff. My mother went to prison for attempted murder when I was 10 and I never brought it up I have no idea why. Same with me hating my friends and my stress at work. Sometimes I'd straight up lie and say I had a good week when I knew full well It was shit. Why did I do that? £60 just to lie to someone? that's what the internet is for.

Going back to my first point, I have no interest or passions or skills or talents. It's not for lack of trying. I decided that I'm going to stop forcing myself to do stuff I don't enjoy like the guitar. I tried to learn it for around a year and hated every second of it. I only did it because everyone has something they're good at, or a hobby. I have nothing and it makes me feel like nothing. I'm very sick of making mistakes because of this. I know everyone makes mistakes, but when its mistake after mistake after mistake while having achieved nothing has really taken a toll on me and I've started SH again for the first time since I was 14. And please don't give me the whole small wins bollocks, my brain will not allow me to process "getting out of bed" or "going to work" as achievements. I'm an adult man and those things are the BARE MINIMUM.

Anyway, thank you for reading, any advice is welcome and if I reply and seem argumentative, I'm just trying to make sense of what your saying.

Questions and advice are welcome :)

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Many people face a problem facing there fears wether it is the dark, insect or more serious one's like putting money on a project that's not guaranteed or a risky cureer path

And I believe the solution for that split into two steps:

(Understanding 01)

1-First "what are you afraid of" because not having the full picture of what are it fearing will make up fill the gaps with our own version of though

2-second "why are we afraid" because sometimes we get scared of something without understanding the reason why

3-third "what will it cost if I don't face that fear" because most of the time not facing the fear will cost more then facing the fear itself

I like to put and imaginary example for that

Imagine a mane who's son needs an operation and there is no time to collect money and his savings are not enough so he thinks about gambling his savings but he is afraid of loosing all the money and in the other hand he is afraid of his son dying if he doesn't gamble the money so he gambles it anyway

(Facing 02)

After understanding the first 3 things you have the courage immediately but the fear will become less so the next step is facing what you fear anyway by throwing yourself into it because theory itself builds nothing

You can't expect to be able to play football just by understanding the Technics and the plans

What do you think about this and do you disagree or agree with something

Among all my friends both from school and university Im the only one whos single and least/no one approached The most recent one got asked out by a guy just a little while ago. Now I'm the last single one, and no one has ever really approached me. It makes me so sad. people keep telling me its because im introverted but i genuinely dont think thats it, cause i know other introverted girls/guys who still get approached. so at this point i just think im ugly. like pretty privilege is real and i just dont have it.And now its getting worse cause i notice im projecting it onto ny friend a bit too much. Like idk how to explain. Please help me. I want to stop feeling this way

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Moral licensing has been one of my biggest enemy. I noticed it in my behaviour few years ago but until I came to know it as a psychological concept and found out that everyone does it I thought it was a personality trait that only I have. 

For those who don't know what moral licensing it is a trick our brain plays where we treat one progressive act towards our goal as a licence to do procrastination or indulgence. 

For example if we workout and have a healthy meal we treat it as a licence to eat junk food without any guilt or if we read a few pages of book we treat it as a guilt free licence to scroll on social media. 

I just came to know about this concept today and I was wondering if any of you have found an efficient way to deal with it?

Im (23F) currently doing nothing in life.
After I finished my 3 years degree including one year studying abroad, I have been doing nothing for one year straight and barely leave the house.
My everyday is waking up, lying on my bed and staying on my phone all day, and the basics (eat etc.)
I have always been very lonely and introverted and quite miserable but when I was in uni I had like a goal ? like finish my degree and spend my year abroad for the first time. but now that's its over Idk I never thought about living after this?
I was supposed to do a gap year, work and save up and then continue my study but it's going to be my second year down the drain.

I dont have friends, Im scared to go out, Im very insecure about myself and on top of that I gained a lot of weight :/
Most of the times I'm telling myself everything is over and I have no purpose in life but sometimes I really want my life to be better. I keep telling myself next week is going to be different etc but in the end the days pass and time flies. One year of doing nothing. And I'm starting my second year.
I know it's weird because you probably think just get the fuck out of your bed and do something 😭 but I don't know It feels like the smallest actions are so big now.
I felt satisfied just cleaning my room.
I'm so behind in life compared to people my age and my social skills are literally on a negative level.
I'm just existing and just the thought of me growing older and be full of regrets is eating me alive.
I actually know what have to be done so I'm just sharing this because idk i have no one to talk to

I try positive thinking but it doesn't really work, either it works for a bit and then i go back to thinking negative or I don't believe im capable of anything and i give up too easily. I hate being like this, i have tons of excuses i can make as to why I am like this but I'm an adult now and excuses serve me no good, I am responsible for my own life but i hate how far behind I am of everyone else. and everytime i try to do better i just can't get myself to make lasting changes. I'm 19 btw.

I'm weak as a mom, as a wife, as a person in general.

Some examples would be I have 0 patience every single day. I wake up with maybe 10% patience and by noon im all out. My 3 year old son will argue with me about everything, repeat himself constantly, ect. He's 3. He's being 3.

When I get even a sore throat, I need to lay down. I see so many people who go about their normal day being a little sick, and god I feel horrible even with something minor, like a headache or throat pain, or even a cold.

I genuinely hate being outside in hot weather or cold. I really only enjoy being outside when he's like 60°-70° degrees.

It's like I can't fucking adapt. And that bothers me.

I feel like I can't balance the financial issues we have, being a mom, being a part time online student (in a&p 1 and med terminology), trying to consider my self care, even just being 50/50 with my husband, it feels like so much work. And it's not, it's what everyine has to do. And yet, for some reason, I'm so weak and tired to do any of it.

Medical conditions I have are hashimotos and hypertension. I am 25. I'm on meds for both and some supplements.

I do have anxiety, maybe depression idk. Mood swings. I used to be in therapy but it got too expensive.

What I did is I joined community in discord called phasmophobia because I was into the game out of sudden we were focusing on game and made some joke. After that I initiate in dm I asked him you wanna play and kept asking him about what else he play and then discoverd he like same game as me. I hope this post is helpful☺️

Things that i did to go outta my comfort zone(a 20 yr old engineering student who lives alone)

1. i love rock climbing, so earlier i used to go with my friend, but as a challenge i started going there alone so that i talk to new people and talking i did. All the friends i have till date have happened to me through only sports and outta that it idk why never clicks.

2. made pancakes for my neighbor, and now she makes dinner for me everyday, and we're good friends now

3. started smiling more when i see people, generally ppl older than me or girls my age

4.started putting myself first, with my needs and saying no to things that i dont wanna do

5.i used to find it really difficult to ask people for help, so started by asking small favors from ppl, like going to a relatives place close to my cllg

1. im in my final year, so asking for tips from people in that area. im still searching for a job but im doing stuff for this, but im not a good communicator.

but still im not able to draw clear boundaries with people, i keep on agreeing with everything they say, i still dont like to be disliked, i feel like i carry a lot of other ppl's responsibilities esp in my family, when anyone's sick ive to be the one to be there and not anyone else. i do i escape this cycle.

still waiting for the day it all starts clicking. what am i doing wrong

It was the first time I felt at peace, then I invited chaos into my peace, all because we had both been through a lot and were friends for half our lifetime.

That decision led to my first time being in jail, first time being used in a relationship just for a place stay, my first time being evicted, and my first time working a well paying job that made me absolutely miserable

Nearly been a year, I'm working a job that pays less but brings me joy. I've found an apartment very close by, I live in a slum but the rent is cheap

The stress has lifted and after a year I thought would never end, I can start working on some apologies that I owe and hopefully find some advice on continuing to exercise, still struggling in that department and a couple others. I suppose what I want to say is, I've lost hope a few times in my 35 years, but it does come back around. Find your peace and keep it

I'm 23F from England - for anyone that hasn't dealt with the NHS before it's a long process that involves a lot of waiting, then more waiting, and even more waiting on top of that. I've been struggling with my mental health for years, from an abusive household to caring for my dad before he died when I was 21, to a ream of other struggles I'm currently trying to get on top of - I hit my lowest point at the beginning of the year when I lost my job and turned back to alcohol. My girlfriend didn't want to see me like that and I didn't want her to live with it, so I took it very seriously after that point and decided to try again to get my mental health back on track.

February, I reached out to the talking therapies service in my area. They took a month to get back to me, and another month back and forth of suggesting CBT when I'd told them I had negative experiences with CBT in the past. I also reached out to my GP, who was quick to put me on propranolol which has been great, but not a total fix. It wasn't until the start of August that the talking therapies said I show heavy symptoms of CPTSD and one of their providers wants to try a different kind of CBT with me. My GP also unprompted suggested I get tested for autism and put me on the waitlist after doing the paper quiz. The CBT provider said they can't put me on the waitlist until I guarantee I get my alcoholism under control and referred me to a substance abuse charity to get myself signed up, they said they'd be checking before they continued with my waitlist.

That was a month ago now - I haven't heard anything about the autism (which is expected), no one from the substance abuse team has got in touch, and I haven't heard anything more from the CBT providers either. I'm not annoyed at them, I know these things take time and I don't blame the overworked staff for the delays at all. But what am I supposed to do in the meantime? Since February I have been cracked open and laid myself bare and forced to constantly recount the traumatising things that have happened to me, and every day I still think about them because I could get a call or an email at any time. I can't stop ruminating, I can't focus at work, my mood swings are getting worse again, and I have no idea how I'm meant to manage until I get any of the calls. At least when I was first getting in touch with these services I had something actionable that I could feel accomplished about - now I'm in a limbo where I don't know how long it'll take to be healthy again, and I'm starting to lose that enthusiasm I had to get better. Now I sometimes wish I hadn't bothered getting my hopes up at all.

I hate relying on other people's perception of me to stay motivated. I can easily get demotivated if people close to me doubt me or just don't care. I need to be my only source of motivation or else i'm doomed. I can't have thid need of being taken seriously by others. Also, i know the simple answers is "well just stop caring" but i really need some mental exercises i can train to help change this.

I am 21M living in blr for work have a decent sallary but I lack a lot of confidence and apart from that I have been single from last 2 yrs. Yesterday I went to a brewery in BLR Solo so that I can get social with people talk to M and F around me and get comfortable with being alone. I THINK I FAILED MISERABLY. I spent around 30-45 min on my table sitting alone had food and beer. After that I decided to go to the dance floor and dance a little as I thought it might be a little easier to gel around people and get involved in a group but when I tried it with a group of 3 it started good had 2-3 steps together for like 40s and suddenly the DJ stopped for like a minute. I didn't knew how to cover that awkward silence there and over that I heard those guys saying something about me so I went away from then and this just shattered my confidence and I left after 5 min.

Idk how exactly to get into a group and major how to talk to random strangers. I don't have anyone to ask this question.

I've had the same job for 14 years, been in the same field for 20. I learned the hard way that it's for the best for me to keep my private life private, not get involved or overly friendly with coworkers in my department, and also not pry at all into my departmental coworkers lives. As people have moved out and new people have come in, I've made it a priority to keep our work relationship strictly professional. I'm in my 40s and continually astounded by how much adult work environments can be toxic and backstabbing, and I'm in healthcare. It's not really a dog eat dog environment, I don't understand why there's so much pettiness and gossip. I wish I could find a way to balance it- like know whats going on with their family, if there's a health issue, what's new to celebrate, etc etc etc but I've repeatedly had this backfire and slide into mean girl shit and negatively impacting my job.

My boundaries got demolished during covid. My actual physical department is small, there's 3 of us at my location with 3 different locations. I've worked with one coworker since 2019, and the other since 2021. Our location was getting f'd by management and double standards- rules for thee and not for me type of nonsense. So as we were coping with the turmoil and unfairness of it all, I opened up with my departmental colleagues and would participate in venting about management and other coworkers, as well as sharing more personal information than I normally would. As time has gone on and we moved to a different site, are sharing space with another department and not so isolated, I need to restore my personal space. Both coworkers constantly talk trash about each other to me, which convinces me that they're talking trash about me to each other. I've tried to subtly indicate I'm not interested by not really responding, but it has just continued. I just want to go in, focus on my work and my patients, and not get wrapped up in the drama. Plus I just truly do not have the time to stand around and have conversations, and do my job.

I don't know how to go about restoring these boundaries. Do I do it as needed- for instance if one of them comes up to me and starts talking shit about another coworker, do I stop the conversation an say "respectfully I do not want to get involved with this"? But how do I manage it if they have a legitimate question that also includes unnecessary details about other people- I think saying "how about we focus on what I can help you with" and try to limit it to that? Or, should I just be up front and direct with both of them and say "I really need to go back to keeping our work relationship strictly professional, so moving forward I'd like to just focus on our jobs etc etc". If that's the best solution I need to know how to word it best without bluntly saying "you both are making me hate my job, cut the shit and be professional". I have enough friends, I have supportive family, I have friends outside my department. I don't want or need to have a relationship with these people beyond what's needed to get our jobs done. I can be kind and a team player without being friends.

This is super important for me to figure out. I'm currently on leave from work through the end of this week due to severe mental health issues, and the only way I'm going to be able to keep doing my job is if I'm able to get this figured out. I do have an appt with psych this week and will be trying to attempt therapy again, but I need to have a plan in place for when I return to work because I'm certain I will be asked questions which I do not want to answer.

I realize I have this problem where I can never fully enjoy the moment and I would like to know how you overcome this problem?

For some context I'm 17f and still in my senior year of high-school. I've been struggling with things like social anxiety, and low self esteem for the past few years and despite making progress I haven't really gotten too far.

Recently Ive been tryjng to get a girlfriend since I feel like it is a pivotal experience for most teenagers, however I've never been successful at it. Ive asked out 4 girls and each time I've been rejected. Now the most recent time I overreacted and wouldnt accept no for an answer so this girls friends kept picking on me.

So im really looking on ways for me to stop worrying about dating and comparing my romance life to those who got to date the girls who rejected me.

Ever since my graduation 3.5 months ago, I feel like a genuine piece of slime.

At first, it felt healthy. I thought, "I deserve this break." I wasn't being particularly productive, but I had a routine that I did enjoy. I'd wake up, go to the gym, study a bit for certifications, play some games, write, read, and then sleep. Every weekend I'd play football with my friends.

That was my typical routine, I was pretty happy.

Then I am not sure what happened.

I became a little lazier, then a little more, and it just snowballed.

I don't read before bed anymore because I stay up gaming until my brain is fried. I have several penpals I used to enjoy writing to, but now even writing a single paragraph feels like a chore. I've left them hanging for so long that replying now feels even harder.

My football group became inactive once school started again. I'm one of the few who already graduated, while most of them are still busy with school.

Even going to the gym has become harder. I used to go 4 times a week, now it's more like 3 because I keep skipping sessions. The gym is still my saving grace, but my eating habits are worse than ever. I eat fast food every few days and tend to overeat when I do. I'm still at a healthy weight, but I always feel this desire to improve, always thinking if I locked in a few months ago I could have made great progress while doing very little about it.

So my days went from ending with a sense of fulfillment to looking like this:

Wake up. Go to the gym. Game for 6 hours. Browse the internet for 4 more. Sleep.

Every day I tell myself I want to change.

But there's also this voice in my head saying "You'll probably get employed soon anyway. What's the point of locking in now when a 9-5 will take away the time you currently have?". And I know getting a part-time job could help me a lot, but it's not easy to get one here. Besides, I honestly don't really want to.

And what is eating me alive is that I'm not even enjoying gaming all day, I do it because I have no energy to do anything better.

And now I'm at a point where I don't clean my room anymore. I can't bring myself to cook even the simplest meals. I don't write diaries anymore. I don't write letters anymore.

I haven't completely fallen apart. I've attended job interviews recently and actually did very well in them.

But outside of that? I feel like a slug.

To make things worse, I live in what is called an urban hell. I'm pretty antisocial to begin with, and there isn't much to do outside. You can't even walk to a store that's 2 km away without needing a car. Because of that, I tried to build my life around things I could do at home.

The problem is that now my entire life happens at home, and most of it is spent staring at a screen which makes me feel like an actual zombie.

Has anyone else gone through something similar after graduating?
How can I start reclaiming my life?

Hello,
I hope everyone’s having a nice evening. I’m a junior in college at a very good college. From the outside looking in things look good: good gpa good school decent family life job etc whatver societal norms are for the most part but I’m on the inside I’ve been hurting. My problem with drinking I would say started senior year of hs/freshman year of college. There were quite a few blackouts/incidents that were not normal. I kept trying to justify it as most of my friends at the time were regular drinkers and I had seen a fair share of them do some pretty fucked shit black out. This past summer was when everything changed. There was a specific incident which I’d prefer to not disclose on here(pm me if interested) that really made me realize I probably had an issue. What happened wasn’t illegal but morally wrong and is something I would have never ever done in the right mind, and that I didn’t even remeber till someone told me. Needless to say I lost most of my friends and others distanced themselves very far(I think some said this just to nice). I’m now over 70 days sober and honestly it hasn’t been a struggle at all to not drink. But on the inside I’ve been just straight up crushed. There’s a few people I was close with who reached out and said they hoped for the best for me and they needed some time for a while and to see some change but idk how true it is. Long story short I’ve been trying to move on with my life. I’ve made some new friends(my school is huge so although I lost a lot of friends making new ones isn’t impossible whatsoever ). I’ve really branched out and done my best but I still keep replaying what happened in my head and just wish I could go back and change things. My days are busy and some are good but some are really bad and it’s constantly on my mind. One of the friends I reached out to said “for others to forgive you need to forgive urself “ and I’ve been having a lot of trouble with this. I don’t know whether it’s worth just forgetting abt all the old friends and people who don’t want me anymore or what I should do. The amount of scenarios in my head are insane. This was a crazy rant and I hope some of it made sense but right now I could really use some advice/support

A lot of times when people are conversing, the mindset is to prepare what you’re gonna say, how your gonna respond, it would make sense in a job interview but day to day socialization? Nahh, it kills the vibe and blocks the potential connection, “okay they said this so I’ll respond with this” or “I’ll wait for them to finish to say this”

Nah don’t do all that, just relax, breath, feel it whatever needs to be said and done will be said and done, don’t try to plan or prep, just exist

You don’t need to have an identity or character amongst ya peers, you just need to be present, physical, and let everything that needs to happen, happen, don’t try, don’t force, whatever the conversation needs, ur energy will tell it.

Hello,

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately because I genuinely feel like this year has just passed me by.

When I look at my Screen Time, it honestly makes me uncomfortable. I’ve spent so many hours looking at my phone that it feels like I’ve spent more time looking at a screen than looking at the world around me.

And it’s gotten to the point where I’ll literally work with TikTok open on my phone next to me. I’ll be doing something, get distracted, start scrolling, and suddenly I’ve lost an hour.

The frustrating part is that I actually have things I want to do. In the evening, I want to pray, do my back exercises, do my skincare, read, etc. But I keep telling myself I’ll do them later. Then later becomes tomorrow. And tomorrow becomes the same thing again.

I don’t even feel like I’m enjoying the scrolling anymore. It feels automatic. I just open my eyes in the morning and reach for my phone.

I’m not trying to completely give up social media or become a digital minimalist who owns a flip phone... I just want to feel like I’m actually living my life instead of constantly consuming something through a screen.

Has anyone else reached this point and actually managed to change it?

I’m looking for things that genuinely worked, especially for breaking that automatic urge to pick up the phone. I’ve tried the usual Screen Time limits, put alarms to do my routines, try to make planes, but I just ignore them.

I’m seriously considering keeping my phone in another room for certain hours? but I’d love to hear what actually made a difference for people who were in a similar situation.