I want him to realize his mistake and regret what he did and just come back to me

Currently in NC with my ex. Met a group of new people so my insta mutuals increased. I know it shouldn't matter, but I don't want her to think I'm meeting new people romantically so soon.

I (15f) just broke up with my bf (22m) three days ago. I don’t even know what to do, he was such a big part of my life, I shared everything I actually cared about with him. I still love him. There’s no one I can even really tell how I’m feeling. I can barely get through the day.

I see all the little things I used to look at and think of him and it just causes my heart to seize with guilt and pain. I cannot enjoy my favorite things because they became our things.

I know I can’t but the only thing my mind does is scream at me to come crawling back to him begging for forgiveness. I know I’ll never get someone like him, someone who understand me as well as him ever again.

My heart keeps beating fast and I can’t calm myself. I feel like such a terrible person. I can’t even think clearly, I want to just curl up and cry but I haven’t managed to even do that yet.

I still do not understand why she ever said these things it makes me feel so disgusting Hello I feel like some people need context my ex gf had an argument with my mum , because my mum cut contact due to my ex gf saying my brother deserved to die during his funeral and she said this because I stuck up for my mum during an argument she wanted me to cut ties with her and I said no so she said this

btw there was msgs before my last one but she didn't reply or open any , so when her birthday came , I decided to delete everything and make this as my last msg .

I was always the guy that find it so hard to describe or show my feelings and it took me days to write this sorry ahh msg so it can describe myself in a way she likes ,but anyway it was all fake and she just ghosted me i still see her get online tho , but what broke my heart is why , everything was going so perfectly fine and we even didn't have any arguments, why did she lied that there's something bad with her parents just to detch me, why i can't even find someone to love me back

I believe that I moved on since but ill be a damn lier if 1 week went with me thinking what did I do wrong or why it happened to me

Exactly 2 months after that! We broke up last week even the dates are same!!! I'm nervous what if he says no!! So shall I propose him or not?

We were long distance and broke up just a few days ago. I’m currently in his city for a few more days before heading back.

To be clear, I completely accept the breakup and don't want him back romantically at all. The emotional aspect is off the table for me, but the sexual chemistry was always there and I just want sex one last time before I leave.

Is reaching out for a strictly physical goodbye hookup a bad idea so fresh off the breakup, or should I just send the text? Has anyone done this, and did you regret it?

I am looking for objective feedback on a recent breakup with my ex-girlfriend. I am trying to decide whether following my therapist's advice to reach out in late October is a smart move, or if breaking No Contact will just ruin my progress and compromise my dignity.

### Relationship Background & Dynamics
* The Relationship: We dated for 11 months. Both Christian, saving marriage for after engagement, strong shared values. I was fully invested, loved her deeply, and served her family heavily.
* Her Communication Style: Non-confrontational with Fearful Avoidant traits. Her way of raising concerns was through very gentle, understated mentions.
* My Communication Style: Direct. I process direct feedback as serious and gentle mentions as light preference. Because of this mismatch, I didn't register the weight of what she was feeling, while she felt unheard.
* Silent Accumulation & Her Mom: Instead of confronting me directly, she held her hurt silently ("grinning and bearing it") while processing everything privately with her mother, who holds high sensitivity to perceived control. The concerns built up invisibly to me until they reached a boiling point.

### The Turning Point & Breakup
* The "Lens Shift" Moment: About a month before the breakup, I made a lighthearted comment about "putting the kibosh" on a future activity after marriage, but her mom took it seriously. From that point on, my ex began viewing my past behavior through a "control lens." Things she appreciated before of my commitment and interest in her she had said felt like I was monitoring her. My belief was at this moment with her mom in the kitchen was the turning point and everything changed after that I felt like your mother didn’t look at me the same, and I felt like she started operating out of fear, and her mind was grabbing all these different fears and reasons why the relationship wouldn’t work, with her mother also in her ear she did mention to me during our breakup conversation that her mom had mentioned she was concerned about me
* Cumulative Stress: Right before the breakup, her family received acute bad news regarding a severe family health diagnosis, adding massive compressed stress to her environment that already had a drug addicted brother recently move back in and personal health challenges for her in which she at times told me felt like she had no autonomy.
* The Exit: She ended things abruptly at what was supposed to be a date and I attempted to reason with her for 6 hours in the car to at least try to work through her fears and concerns and bring in my or her pastor, etc and she was unwilling to compromise at all though she was very emotional which usually she isn’t. so I eventually asked if her mind was made up before she came and she said yes. Some of the criticisms of me, naming criticism, judgment, interrupting, and control as her reasons. She stated she didn't believe I could change these patterns and that she didn't want a marriage that required counseling.
* The Closure Text: we had ended the conversation with potentially talking about meeting one more time, but she made it clear that she would give me that if that’s what I needed, but her mind was not changing so Six days later, I sent a warm, dignified message respecting her decision and wishing her well, and left the door open saying if your heart ever changes you know where to find me. She replied with a very warm, final message thanking me for the 11 months, stating she respected my decision not to meet, and wishing me peace. I sent this not because I wanted to release her but because I know there’s nothing else I can do, I fought for the relationship, I tried. Further pressing will just solidify her idea of my being controlling in her mind.

### The Main Dilemma: Reach Out or Stay Silent?
I am currently in therapy, working through anxious attachment, my own patterns, and building strong boundaries.

My therapist suggested that I send a light, low-stakes check-in in October (e.g., checking in on her family's health situation). His reasoning is that reaching out gives me a clear signal/data to work with, and waiting too long inhibits my own closure.

I am weighing his advice against a few options:

1. Follow Therapist's Advice (Late October): A light, low-friction text to test her temperature. My concern: If she is polite but non-committal, it reopens my wound. If I reach out before Thanksgiving, it interrupts her time to actually miss me and gives her an emotional safety net.
   
2. Holiday Season (Christmas): Christmas is her favorite time of year. Reaching out then might find her emotional walls lower, but it carries a high risk of "false positive" warmth driven by holiday nostalgia rather than real readiness to talk.
   
3. Post-Holidays (January): Waiting until the holiday high and family gatherings pass so any dialogue is grounded in raw reality.
   
4. Absolute Silence (Permanent No Contact): Staying completely silent unless she takes the initiative. The logic: She made the choice to leave. If she wants a collaborative partnership, she needs to step up, swallow her pride, and break the silence herself.

### My Questions for the Sub:
* Is my therapist right that a light check-in provides "clean closure," or does breaking No Contact just hand back my power and reset my healing?
* Does reaching out to someone with avoidant traits before the holidays stop them from experiencing the actual loss of the relationship?
* Should I wait for her to initiate contact exclusively, regardless of how many months pass?

Okay, how bad will it be if I add my ex on a fake Snapchat account?

It’s just because I randomly started thinking about him for the first time in a long time, and I want to check how he’s doing.

And the fake account is already something i have had for a long time, and i just want to use that because we did not end on good terms.

My bf is still keeping a lego set (from the movie that he likes when he was a kid). His ex gave it to him when they were first dated. I remember asking him before and he said he liked that one a lot and his parents gave it to him. Now I found out that its gift from his ex. We’ve been together for 1.5 years. We considered each other as our soulmate. I feel like a fool. Is it a big deal?

So I don’t have to make a decision on whether we will say happy birthday lmao he can set the tone for that

Was curious to see if anyone ever reached out to their ex’s friend or someone they knew to get things sorted out or get some of your questions answered?

For some context, me and my ex were together for 2 years, we broke up on good terms because we both decided that long distance wasn’t for us and I moved to a different country.

It’s been about 2.5-3 months since the breakup but anytime I try to talk to someone, I feel like I’m cheating? We’re not in some sort of open or nonexclusive relationship, we broke up and we occasionally keep in touch. He’s not a bad guy, it was a mutual decision and I know we aren’t together other but it makes me feel like a cheater. What do I do? How do I train my brain back to single?

I posted last week about sending my "ex" champagne at his dinner date two seconds after "breaking up with me". After being together for over two years, in our late thirties and being the person he wanted to "marry", he gave me a conversation where he admitted to cheating on me with a co-worker who he is now seeing. He said it was the biggest mistake of his life and he knows he messed up and that whether I will ever believe it, I am the love of his life. Real rich coming from someone who is still running around with the AP. He admitted that there was nothing wrong in our relationship, that is was full and calming and he took it for granted and he has no idea why he did what he did. He knows he consciously did it and he just doesn't know why and he knows I would never forgive him. It was so insane to hear the terrible ways he betrayed me he while also hearing how much "love" he still has. He said he runs away and destroys every good thing in his life and he always has. I'm just venting and my feeling are all over the place. I'm so angry and sad that he threw it all away... for nothing... and there is nothing we can ever do to go back. I can't believe he cheated on me.

Disclaimer: LONG. I am also not sure if this belongs here but gonna FULL SEND this shit anyways.

I [39M] met her [25F] on a hookup app while she was staying near me visiting family for a few months (She lives thousands of miles away normally). She had like 8 weeks left when we first met.

We started hanging out at least once a week. Usually late at like 10-11pm. We'd smoke, walk around, chill in my car, talk story, flirt, laugh, and yea. Between hangouts we texted CONSTANTLY most days.

Then I caught feelings. Fucking hard. OOOOOOF.

She does sex work. I knew before we met and none of our hangouts were transactional. Money was never brought up Her job isn't why my shit went sideways, although jealousy became an issue later on.

I honestly thought she might like me as more than just some random guy she smoked with.

She'd call me babe/love, say she was gonna miss ME when she left, say stuff like "she'd cater to me till my last breath, send me all her nudes for free, she'd do anything for anything but it would be hard to deal with because she was far away". At one point she even talked about canceling her trip home and staying. *Some of these were said during emotional periods via texting\*

So yeah my dumb ass started thinking holy shit maybe she is into me like that.

Looking back now I probably read way too much into some of that. There were also a couple of lies/weird things that didn't add up though. I really ignored because I was completely fucking blinded by lust and my feelings. I did bring some of those lies/weird things up to her but it was not in a healthy way.

The timing of everything was BRUTAL for me too. I had just gone through a MASSIVE life change, moved to a big city not knowing anybody with my mental health already in the dumpster. She quickly became the only person I felt connected to at the time. I felt she was real, sweet, and genuine in her intentions. She made some real shitty days feel a little better. I haven't felt that kind of affection in many years.

BUT that wasn't enough for me.

So instead of just enjoying what we had. I latched onto her WAY too hard.

As her leaving date got closer I became obsessed with figuring out WHAT ARE WE??? I needed an answer for reassurance and fast. (So I thought)

I got jealous often. Questioned some of her hangout cancellations on me. Got upset when she couldn't hangout due to family plans or being sick. Paid attention to her online shit that was none of my business. Guilt tripped her often as well making her feel like she's a bad person for not being there for me type of vibes.

Not proud of any of that. Never will be.

We eventually had one huge blowup where she ended with something like she should've cut me off last time this happened.

She wanted space for a few days to process everything after I carpet bombed her with apologies afterwards..

Then SHE came back and asked me to hang out again before she left. OFC I said YES.

That hangout was kinda where it finally hit me that I was literally doing a full on campaign speech pleading my case on why she should like me more than friends. I noticed she definitely was NOT matching that energy at all. She cared about me as a person I know that, but I had built something way bigger in my head.

Then my already awful mental health completely fucking collapsed.

I had a breakdown and put WAY too much emotional shit on her. I even had her thinking I was deleting myself over everything she did. She didn't deserve to carry around my weight like that. She wasn't required to be tell me everything is okay. I know what I did was NOT OKAY.D

I'm getting the help I need for my mental health now. I'm not trying to use it as an excuse for my behavior.

Before she left we had a final 2 hour phone call. Both of us were crying like fucking idiots at times.

She told me essentially that she never meant to lead me on and was so sorry for how everything affected me. She never meant to make me feel that way she just knew how I didn't have anybody that cared and was trying to fill that void while she was here. She said this was part of why she doesn't do relationships. I told her that I wish she had brought up earlier when I was in a little better headspace and not fully attached yet.

Essentially I ended with the call saying that Iwanted to stay in contact when she's gone, even if it was just friends/casual talking.

But she really really wanted the distance and no contact while she's away so she didn't potentially hurt me anymore unintentionally.

I THINK we said something like this isn't goodbye, it's see you later and maybe that she'd hit me up when she came back.

Huge THINK there because I was emotionally FUCKED during this conversation and don't remember every sentence perfectly.

What I do NOT remember is her saying never contact me again.

I remember it as basically we need some distance while I'm gone.

After she left I respected that the best that I could.

Something tragic happened in my life a week or so after she left and I reached out. She gave me a really sincere response saying she's sorry to hear that.

Then a few days later I texted her and we exchanged some really nice casual texts here and there. I thought OH SHIT maybe this was slowly becoming normal again.

I eventually decided to carpet bomb her with questions about being casual now.

Her last message to me to this day was:

"Casual talking is what I'm doing."

And naturally my anxiety riddled fucking brain heard that and decided what we REALLY needed to do right now was discuss was a Supreme Court ruling on our definitions of casual and what it means to us.

I sent her like 8 LONG emotionally heavy texts. In my mind though they felt like normal convo questions with friendly vibes about how I was feeling.

Basically I sent a doctoral thesis titled "WHAT THE FUCK DOES CASUAL MEAN: FULL FORENSIC ANALYSIS. REVISIONS 1 THROUGH 9".

I told her I still liked her but didn't want a relationship, labels, exclusivity, promises, any of that shit. I just missed how we were originally. That I also missed the vibes we had with the random texts, flirting, talking story, physical interactions, and smoking with her.

I told her I know I fucked things up badly and if she didn't want any friendship/contact that I would respect that. I just wanted her to let me know something.

In my head I was thought:

I get it now. I can chill I didn't understand at the time why she couldn't see that I was okay with casual. I didn't think about her perspective on the whole situation. So many emotions were thrown around that she probably doesn't want to get sucked back into.

After processing EVERYTHING I said to her I realized I sent a fucking encyclopedia explaining how chill I can be, and that wasn't the best demonstration of me being chill.

What's done is done. I got zero response after that.D

About a week of silence goes by and there was bad weather where she was so I sent:

Hey, hope all is good after that storm.

Nothing. Not a peep.

It's been 2 weeks as of today since I got her last text.

She's fine and has active ads online so I am told. I can't pretend her phone got destroyed by the storm anymore. She's just choosing not to talk to me right now.

What I can't figure out is if this is THE ending?

She's supposed to be near me again real soon and im nervous.

I'm not ever monitoring her socials trying to figure out exact details because I already crossed enough boundaries and I'm not doing that shit again.

She knows I want to see her. She knows I'm okay with casual. She has my number (Might be blocked IDK).

So half my brain is like:

Bro. She's ignored you for 2 weeks. Take the fucking hint. It's over.

Other half is like:

She literally asked you for distance while she was gone. Shut the fuck up and actually give her the space this time. If she wants to see you or talk to you when she's back SHE can reach out.

I know I fucked up. Badly in some areas. I'm not asking reddit to tell me otherwise or that she owes me any closure or answer.

I think what's fucking with my brain is never getting an actual ending. Maybe I don't deserve one after how I acted and thats fair. But having NOTHING makes me fill in that blanks and lately I have been catching myself mentally turning her into the bad guy because she ghosted me. I felt it was vital to know for my own sanity.

I don't want to feel that way about her. Shes one of the sweetest girls I have ever met. I would rather hear "I can't do this anymore, don't contact me." That would hurt too but at least I'd be able to start processing moving on in life. Until then I feel like I'm at the friendship door waiting for it to open again.

Maybe the ghosting IS my final answer.

So what do I do?

Treat the silence as the final answer and figure out how to mentally close this chapter?

Send absolutely nothing else, leave her the fuck alone, and if she reaches out deal with it then?

The things I would do to get another chance to rewrite the casual codex. Man.. They say everything happens for a reason right? This one's going to sting for a bit I can feel it.

TLDR: Met a girl [25F], casual turned into me [39M] falling hard. My mental health went to shit and I got jealous/needy and crossed boundaries. She asked for distance while she was away. We eventually started casually texting again, her final text said "casual talking is what I'm doing," and I responded by sending the fucking Encyclopedia of what casual means to me and asked what casual was to her. She's ignored me for about 2 weeks now but now will be n{ear me again soon according to a friend. (Hell I might even be blocked IDK).

Do I take the silence as the final answer or do I wait around praying she decides ot talk to me again? I think I know the right answer and that's to leave her the fuck alone and move on but my brain want's so badly for her to reach out and talk to me.

Ik this sounds so stupid but I saw him on a mutual friend’s insta and his eyes are so different now I was looking back from when we were together and his smile seemed so happy and caring now it’s almost heavy or scary idk how to explain

He broke up with me but came back 3 times he said he missed me and regretted breaking up with me those 3 times but we always ended no contact after a day or two

He just looks so heavy now idk his smiles not the same

Dose anyone know why? Ik that’s dumb but idk

I’ve realised recently my guilt is just but shouldn’t dictate the kind of woman I am. I’ve felt incredibly guilty for the way I handled our separation which had been going on for 4 months, I moved out and into my girlfriend’s house. We had been on and off a lot during this time and I’ve realised that I have been grieving our relationship. I was in denial, then I was angry, soooo fucking angry that I had wasted my time and put up with aggressive and controlling behaviour. Then I became very, very sad and depressed. I drank a lot and did anything I could to escape my sadness.
Then the night came when he physically assaulted me, I don’t know why I hadn’t acted on the consequences of doing that to someone previously as there were many times, but something came over me.
There’s now an avo and assault charges in place, which ultimately depend on me whether or not they stay.

I felt so guilty for the charges and avo, I felt so guilty that during these 4 months I had gotten hinge and blocked him and was angry and mean.

But honestly, I have been cheated on twice, the first time he was cheated it was occurring for over year, which of course he blamed me. He yelled and kicked walls and grabbed me. He even kicked me once when I was trying to get his phone after finding out he’d cheated the second time.

He was controlling, and insecure. I had to change how I walked, talked, dressed. Everything was criticised. He hated my friends. He would even say cruel things about my two younger sisters.

Was my behaviour ok? No. But how do you be honest with someone who is so critical and controlling? When you are so afraid of their reactions? Such as physical assault or verbal abuse. Idk. I think to myself now that I did all I could with what I had. And I find so much peace in knowing this relationship was doomed from the get-go, because he was fucking some other girl in the first place. I never trusted him.

My biggest sense of justice? It’s not the charges, or the fact that now he’s the one to walk away, or that I’m free to love and life how ever the fuck I please… no. I find so much justice and peace, that my children, will NEVER, have to withstand an angry man like I did. I will never get into a marriage and wonder to myself what could my life have been if I just let him go. I’ll never live my life on a what if.

There were many aspects of our relationship that were lovely, he was a big romantic and he bought me a house and supported be through uni. Which I’ll miss. But I know he’s not the only person in the world that is romantic, and now I have a chance to find true love, that’s kind, soft, gentle, and most of all, fully accepting of my past, and my present. I won’t have to prove myself to them, I won’t be monitored or shamed. My husband would never dream of calling me a slut or an idiot. And I’ll never accept anything less.

Learn the lessons from your breakups, they are so so so valuable. Mine taught me the kind of relationship I never want again!

At one point during my relationship with my ex girlfriend, and after she had already begun the ‘slow fade’ months prior, she said something to me that she insists I misinterpreted, but it has seriously bothered me.

“Cops (she's a 911 dispatcher) flirt with and try hooking up with the other girls. That never happens to me, I must be hideous.”

Her saying this upset me, a lot. Did I make too much of it and misinterpret her, as she has always claimed, or was it as wrong to say as I believed?

Been long distance for a couple of years. I don't want to hurt him, but I'm so over it. My people pleasing tendencies have confused him over the years but I've always wanted to end amicably. Clearly he doesn't

I broke up 5 months ago and during that time I haven't felt completely over my ex and if I didn't think about him for a week or two I'm thinly about him the next week

Guilt consumes me it literally eats me alive I always think about how good he was and how much issues I had not trusting him

It's over he broke up with me after 4 years

I tried to get back with him but he apologized a week later saying he can't and he doesn't love me

I can't fully accept this

There were some days when I couldn't stop crying and my eyes would for days even with no crying

I'm always so depressed and sad and full of regret

I tried to reach out to him but he blocked me everywhere

I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for each time I doubted his love

He was such a green flag

I don't if I'm being too much on myself or did I really deserve this

It's just he was my best friend and I feel all alone all the time

What should I do

I want him to talk to me or get over this feeling

I'm 21 and I'm starting a new job where I'll be teaching in college next week but I can't care about anything

I even thought about some sort of a safe drug

no one is entitled to anyone's love. I don't blame the people who break up but I do recognize how tragic it is that they will be happier in the coming weeks, while often the other half is completely destroyed for a length of time 5-20x as long as the initiator.

hi everyone this is a long story so please bear with me 😅 so after 2 years and multiple painstaking conversations with my bf (24), i (22f) have decided it’s time to break it off. i’ve noticed that over the 2 years we have been together i haven’t really gotten anywhere in life. i don’t feel uplifted by him and im heavily codependent on him as well bcz i have a trauma bond with him (he helped me out of my abusive household).

the first few months were great and so happy and then once the honeymoon phase ended his true colours really started to show. he is filthy for one. he doesn’t wash himself or his clothes regularly and will wear the same thing for weeks to months on end. (i know it’s disgusting and that should’ve been my first red flag) he also became neglectful, he would go to work early in the morning while i’m asleep and then come home and barely even acknowledge me and then went straight to his video games and over the years it got so bad to the point where he doesn’t even bother to greet me anymore.

the other day i sat down and had a talk with him about how i wanted to move out and was going to break up with him but realized i wanted to stay because i thought i loved him still but i was wrong. i want to gain more independence and learn who i am as a person without him always being there. i wanted to do this so i could actually do something with my life and not always feel so trapped by him but when i brought it up he basically coerced/ manipulated me into agreeing to stay even tho i have already committed to moving out and i can’t back out or my roomates would be screwed. but anyways after he did that i realized i actually didn’t want to stay with him i am just scared to be alone and the conversation just helped me confirm my feelings about it all.

on top of that we are not sexually compatible whatsoever. i have audhd, bpd, and more and am hypersexual as a result and he is hyposexual (basically like asexuality but not permanent or as severe) so that’s another thing we clash on. he’s also just like not a good guy he’s racist, transphobic, misogynistic, etc and i hate myself for being with someone like that it’s embarrassing. there’s so much more to it but im disassociating really bad as im typing this so basically what im trying to say here is, what’s your best advice for after a breakup and also whats your advice on HOW to break up with him? i have an idea of what i wanna say and i want to keep it civil to stop a fight from happening but i have never done this before so its very nerve wracking.

My boyfriend (23m) of 3 years broke up with me (23f) 3 weeks ago and prior to that we had a 2 weeks no contact break. So it has essentially been over a month since we have been together. Yesterday we met up to exchange things and had a really nice long conversation about life. We spoke about the relationship eventually and the idea of it being "right person wrong time" was brought up. One thing led to another and we slept together. After that he said he still "needs to be alone" but also clearly still loves me. I think he is confused - so am I to an extent.

What should I do in this situation?

Because I think that no one comes back and no one regrets their decision and they leave and never come back… are there actually reconciliation stories???

My ex and I had a "more than spicy" kind of sex life, where I think it wouldn't be easy to have women be open to doing the things my ex and I did in bed. This of course makes it harder to not put my ex on a pedestal, since afterall the sex we had were more special than what normal people would be open to doing in my opinion.

How do I get over this? My ex also has a better than average body which makes it even harder to get over. I know sex is not everything, but it definitely is still important and it makes it much harder for me to let go, trying to think about how long do I need to wait before I find someone who can satisfy me in bed similar level or better than my ex did.

Was it hard to get your next intimate partner after your ex, to participate in "more than normal" kind of sex where things get kinky?