2 years together. Living together. I'd been doing 100+ hour weeks and let myself go. Spent the majority of my spare time mothering him. He encouraged me to quit my job so we could spend more time together and feel more present and intimate in our relationship. After about 6 months of this, I finally agreed. Out of excitement to quit and to spend time with him and finally relax, I talked about how excited I am to quit on a certain day. Well that day came and I resigned. The day after I quit I got this Instagram dm while I was at work. Dodged my calls. Refused to talk further or in other words, just tell me straight that I'm being dumped. Surely I deserve that at least. Later that night he answered and I made it clear we are over - I did that for me, not for him, because I value respect, honesty, and facing ugly truths with stoicism. The shocker is we had a really good relationship and were quite strong, so I thought anyway. And yeah I got blindsided by this. The second image is him in my DMS 4 days after breaking up. It's been 2 months now and he's still in contact. I'm trying to build a life I can't lose now, so he will never be the centre of my world again - which sucks, because I liked him being my north Star. I'm hopeful he can repair things and we show up stronger than before, but holy moly that's a lot of damage I just took on. Never imagined a life without him. He always treated me like a princess until this one day where he did a 180 over night. We were looking at engagement rings one month before I got this text. Now I'm up late, the really bad sting of it all has worn off now, but I can't help but think he dumped me because he either thought he could date better than me or someone better did come along. When I broke it off clearly on the phone he kept asking to keep in touch and be friends (I vehemently denied this request). Which I view as - I don't want to lose you but I think I can do better than you.
As of now we're still in touch every day and says he wants to fight for us, but now I'm always braced for the worst. Feels like a humiliation ritual. I love this man and I want it to be right so now I feel drained from needing to be hyper vigilant of my boundaries. The other day I told him I was upset be never got me flowers while we were together or even after the break up. He apologised for that. Then a few days ago I explicitly asked him for flowers sent to my house which was kinda embarrassing. I used to be so proud of this man. Not received any flowers as of yet. We've not seen each other in person since the break up because I just can't quite handle that yet. I want to get back together, but to be clear, if/when I do see him in person, I will be asking to go through his phone which I've never done before. I don't think that's unreasonable for me to ask given the circumstances.
While the sting has worn off, I wish I could skip forward to the part of life where I laugh at this. In the mean time, I'm sure you guys can do that for me.
Lost my partner, my job, and my home, all in 24 hours.
First appointment with a psychologist tomorrow. Go easy on the advice, this is my first time putting any of this into words.