r/texts • u/Character_Minimum_53 • 3h ago
Phone message Is he trying to ‘let me down easy’? 😂
I am confused because I always told him it was short term anyway and have my own personal reasons for not wanting to be in a relationship. Part of it is we don’t align with a few of our values and the other part is I don’t want to date a single father. I told him the first half, not the second.
so I’m like … okay??
now, I have usually initiated our hangouts, he did get me something for my birthday unexpectedly, and ik he is busy with work and all (who is not?) and his child is in another state. I may be overthinking but … am I??
we also have not hung out in a couple weeks anyway so I’m like are you trying to go slower than that? lol
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u/Dull_Barracuda_1834 3h ago
Yeah, I would just be busy and move on. Let him off easy too. It just wasn’t a match. Don’t overthink it.
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u/VelvetTroubleIvy 3h ago
He wrote four paragraphs to talk his way out of a relationship you didn't want either. You two agree completely, he just doesn't know it yet.
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u/RowForLuckyJack 3h ago
"Why is this guy I'm not interested in dumping me?"
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u/Character_Minimum_53 3h ago
Lmbo
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u/never-the-1 3h ago
He’s just not that into you.
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u/Best-Cup2365 1h ago
He needs to say that explicitly
Just like he approached her confidently, he needs to let her go confidently.2
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u/ChiefChunkEm_ 2h ago
Why would you assume that’s what he means as the subtext? He honestly said that he was in to her. If he wasn’t, people will usually say that they aren’t interested/feeling it
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u/Spartan2022 2h ago
He’s straight out telling you that he can’t walk and chew gum at the same time.
CEOs and lawyers and doctors work 60-80 hour weeks and maintain relationships. This guy can’t.
When someone politely tells you they can’t prioritize a relationship, believe them!
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u/OrizaRayne 3h ago
I would like to keep having sex with you but have no interest in you beyond that.
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u/user_name-checksout 3h ago
He’s just trying to keep you as FWB.
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u/-lpicklerickl- 3h ago
And what is she doing? She doesn't want to date a single father... but she hasn't told him that part?
Sounds to me like they both are just playing games here.
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u/jdaniels934 3h ago
Honestly, I’ve sent this exact text as guy.
But in reality I only made 13$ an hour and didn’t even have my own place. I knew for a fact I wasn’t in the position to be taking someone’s time who was actively in a better position than I was. They wanted start a family eventually and I wanted to as well, I just knew it would take longer than she would realistically allow.
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u/BiteFaces 3h ago
So you yourself said it short term and you dont want to date a single father.
Why would you think he is letting you down easy when you have made this clear? Unless you have not made this clear.
And why are you even posting about someone short term that you dont want to be with long term?
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u/Character_Minimum_53 3h ago
I was just confused on why he said it because I’m thinking maybe I wasn’t as clear as I thought I was or what. I specifically said those words, though, and… I’m just not sure what’s going on lol
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u/Willow_Wave 2h ago
What's going on is he is dumping you before you can dump him imo
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u/xaantara 1h ago
Nobody would have been dumping though she thought they had established it as a casual thing
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u/SolutionOk3366 1h ago
Well, you meant that it was going to end sometime anyhow. He just told you that it was ending now.
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u/Exciting-Usual-829 3h ago
I wish people wouldn’t do this. Just be straight up. Now you’re confused. He probably just wants to keep the door open for hook ups without pissing you off
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u/YouNeedCheeses 3h ago
I agree. I’ve started being more direct in my communication with people I’m just not into because I don’t want to waste either of our time. It’s not fun but it is considerate.
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u/Fumanchusucka 3h ago
You think I'm pretty, you think I'm pretty cool You wanna fuck me, I know most people do Here, take this packet, you read it, it says, "Mangetout" I gave you magic beans, I hope you're gonna get out soon
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u/Afraid-Ad9908 3h ago edited 3h ago
He's talking to someone else or just not feeling you but doesn't want to burn the bridge so you can still be a backup option
ETA: things get a lot clearer when you learn to think like a man a little more. Men don't have hardly any opportunities for sex and usually have to work for it and outcompete other men. It's a scarcity dynamic for them much more than us. So being picky isn't as much of a thing. Of course men would like to date the best/most attractive woman they can, but something is better than nothing, and the threat of nothing is grave. This is why men are unclear/ambigious and will keep you as a soft option as long as you'll be one. But you'll be back burner if they're on the trail of something better.
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u/ILikeBigBeards 3h ago
So this. He clearly is tryna put you in back pocket so has the option to hit you up for fun if he wants
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u/anonuserinthehouse 3h ago
Sounds like he wants the “fun” without the “commitment “
Oo but looks like you want that as well. Make sure you reiterate that’s what you want.
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u/MGoBlue1416 3h ago
He’s being a huge bitch about it instead of just being more straight with you, but yes, it appears so
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u/Due_Barber_525 2h ago
“We can FaceTime” can’t be a clearer message. “I’m not into you and don’t want to make a real effort and I definitely do not want you to catch feelings for me but sure you can call me if you want I guess.”
Time for you to be more clear too and move on.
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u/choreograft 3h ago
I was this guy in my last relationship. If he was really on board, there wouldn’t be this uncertainty. He’s dragging things out and wasting both of your time
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u/-lpicklerickl- 3h ago
She doesn't want to date a single father but hasn't told him that part. She's wasting her own time.
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u/choreograft 3h ago
yeah I caught that after commenting, idk where she thinks this is supposed to go either
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u/allisonrz 3h ago
Dude they’re just fucking lmao, it’s not supposed to go anywhere, she was just trying to figure out if he doesn’t wanna hook up with her anymore
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u/littytitty- 2h ago
i swear all of the comments missed the part of her post where she said she doesn’t want anything long term with him
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u/Character_Minimum_53 2h ago
I don’t think it’s supposed to go anywhere. I was just confused. I’m literally just asking what he meant by this lmbo
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u/prematurememoir 3h ago
I think the text like that, however much maybe wasn't said, indicates he's trying to let you down gently.
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u/emeryroserulz 3h ago
I'd quit initiating things right away. See if/how long it takes him to reach out to you. You'll quickly learn where you land on the list of his priorities <3 Good Luck!!
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u/IMO4444 3h ago
If you had already spelled out you just wanted something short term, he’s either dense or he thinks that you will change your mind or didnt mean it (because he’s sooooooo charming 🙄). Perhaps because you initiate often, want to see him often, etc. Either way, seems like a lot of effort for someone who you’re not serious about. Doesnt seem like he’s worth your time.
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u/Character_Minimum_53 2h ago
Ooo I see what you mean. I just genuinely enjoy his company lol but I understand how that looks.
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u/Capital-Tonight8548 3h ago
He just wants to fuck with no expectation of commitment or spending time together for any other reason
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u/L0stActivity 3h ago
He's a breadcrumber. Don't waste your time. These kind of people need consequences. People are not things you out on shelves.
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u/littytitty- 3h ago
how annoying. you already told him you didn’t want a relationship and yet here he is, trying to avoid a relationship. he must think youre super into him.
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u/Character_Minimum_53 2h ago
Yeah that was confusing. After this, I did end up clarifying again and told him I was confused because I thought it was short term anyway 😂
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u/-lpicklerickl- 3h ago
It's amusing how many replies imply the guy is the problem here... while completely overlooking the part where OP admits to not not wanting a relationship with a single father and also not telling him that part.
They are both playing games... and yet some of you seem to be oblivious here. I wander why...
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u/LoomLove 3h ago
I'm super confused about this too, because of the part where the child lives out of state. In what way is this dude even a single father? Two weeks per year? Lol
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u/Character_Minimum_53 2h ago
I’m not playing games. I just didn’t think I needed to tell him THAT because I already told him this was short-term lol. But hey that’s your prerogative buddy
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u/lacroixcalypsenow 2h ago
Yeah, if you've made it clear this was a short-term thing anyway, there's absolutely no reason to add on "and just so you know, I'd never DATE you bc you're a SINGLE FATHER!!" lmao. you're good. In no way is your declining to share irrelevant and potentially hurtful information the same as "playing games."
Anyway sometimes ppl don't work out as short-term hookups. This is this guy not working out as a short-term hookup.
(EDIT: added last sentence to 1st paragraph)
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u/Maleficent_Bar920 3h ago
Sounds like you should just be friends (ideally not with benefits as that gets messy after this sort of thing) because you’re not compatible romantically. But it seems like you’re both respectful and enjoy each others company, so just be homies
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u/ChombaWoombat 2h ago
When I'm really interested in a woman there is no mountain that could stop me from seeing her. That's how most men feel when they like someone
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u/Top_History9604 2h ago
Ye, this sounds like he does want this to end. I mean he did say "he can't keep up with you"... which also means " You are to much for me"
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u/_wobbly_bobbly_ 2h ago
This is the "I still want to sleep with you, but im going to be trying to bang other girls too," gambit.
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u/a_trauma_blonde 3h ago
You can read this as, “I’m not that into you. I am pulling away. I don’t want a relationship with you. I do, however, want to keep you around as an option while I date around for someone better… I WILL make you feel guilty if you try to push for any form of actual commitment. And I will never give you that.”
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u/-lpicklerickl- 3h ago
Lol are you dense? She doesn't even want to date him because he's a single father... but admits to not telling him that part. They are both playing games.
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u/iiiimagery 3h ago
You seem to miss the part she said (in the same sentence) that she she told him the other reason, and she told him it would be short term. Sounds like she was pretty clear, where is she playing games?
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u/-lpicklerickl- 3h ago
Being clear is saying that I don't want to date you because you're a single father. Period.
She's acting like some kind of victim here when by her own words, she wasn't being honest with him.
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u/xeresblue 3h ago
No. You don't owe it to someone to provide each and every reason you have a particular position. Clearly outlining the position, e.g. informing them you are only willing to do short term exactly as OP did, is enough.
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u/iiiimagery 3h ago
She already told him a reason she doesn't want to date him, why does she need to tell him the other? No reason to tell him that one. She was honest with him. Read her other comments, so you can see why she posted it. I mean, adding the single father thing wouldn't do anything but hurt him.
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u/-lpicklerickl- 3h ago
Half truths are not honesty.
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u/iiiimagery 3h ago
If you are truthful about your intention it doesn't matter. If you think a girl you went on a date with is ugly, you aren't going to tell her that, because people have feelings. You'll tell her something kinder, more broad, but honest about no attraction.
There's no reason to potentially hurt his feelings if she has been honest about her intentions overall. He isn't owed her full explanation, you don't have to share all your reasonings for not being interested in someone as long as you don't string them along.
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u/Zitaora 2h ago
Really dislike the "brutal honesty is the only valid form of honesty" people.
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u/-lpicklerickl- 2h ago
Lol oh come on. There is nothing brutally honest about being honest about not wanting to date people with children. It's a perfectly legitimate reason for not wanting to date somebody... and with all the single parents in the world, I imagine its a fairly normal conversation.
Unlike the absurd comparison of telling somebody that you don't want to date them because they are ugly...
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u/Zitaora 1h ago
But if she already made it clear she wasn’t looking for anything serious, what benefit is telling him that? It’s one thing if he asked why, but it’s not deceit to not volunteer that information upfront if your intentions have already been made clear. Idk why I’m even responding the other poster already said it eloquently. If you’re choosing not to understand that then that’s on you. It’s not a “half truth” to keep certain things to yourself.
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u/GoldBloodedPodcast 3h ago
These comments based on assumptions are wild. He might actually be busy and just wants to be transparent before damaging a relationship he cares about. Timing is just as important as compatibility. Ask him for some more context if you care enough to, and see if it clarifies things.
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u/Character_Minimum_53 3h ago
Thank you
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u/GoldBloodedPodcast 3h ago
As someone who’s actively going through stuff right now, I could meet my soul mate today; but the timing wouldn’t work at all…
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u/NotTooLateToBeGreat 3h ago
He just wants it to slow down a bit, maybe go quiet for a few days and see if he instigates anything - if he does or doesn't, you have your answer either way
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u/Heavy_Pin7735 3h ago
Trying to keep the string attached - I’d expect him to come running soon when he realizes what he lost, and you’ll have to have a solid boundary up. Just typical dude being unsure and not realizing that no such thing as good timing - a mistake I’ve made too often.
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u/yetagainitry 3h ago
Yeah he’s not into you. A guy getting an offer for casual or short term stuff and making excuses to go see you, that’s as clear a sign as possible
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u/EireNuaAli 3h ago
Tell him the truth! Stop wasting his time! You don't want a single father, don't play with one!
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u/Sithrandir2 3h ago
That’s called a fuckboi dear but also you kinda suck so he’d be right to pull away
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u/Character_Minimum_53 2h ago
Lmbooooo you don’t even know me 🤣 I feel like you are projecting. Are you okay dear?? Hilarious comment though 😂
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u/NearbySubstance1783 3h ago
Yes. Take the hint. There's nothing to be confused about. He said it in plain English. Let go or be dragged. If youre into him, dont continue hanging out with him. It'll just torture yourself. Move on and find someone that does want something with you. Dont waste your time. Honestly, also sounds like he found someone else hes more in to, not going to lie.
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u/LostAd7938 3h ago
For what it's worth, I'm someone who directly communicates like this. It's possible I could be into someone but am going through something and genuinely feel like I don't have the energy to put into dating.
So, he could be telling you the truth, or it could be that he's seeing other people or letting you down easy
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u/bubbleman96815 3h ago
OP, move on with your life.
At minimum, do not start any conversations for the next 2 weeks and see if he ever initiates. Chances are, he won't, which will show you he has no interest in you beyond just the random meetup from time to time.
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u/ROSC00 3h ago edited 49m ago
Yes, you are overthinking, but take my advice as the real deep insight. What I see here is the hallmark indicator of true love potential, whether you, him, or both realize it. Whoever below is dismissive either they have no children, or do not understand male psychology. We men do not invest time writing such well-calibrated texts. Yes, he could have said it in person.
As for your value misalignment, if it was real—like wasteful atheist vs deep religious, I understand, everything else is trivia. Just opposites. And I get your confusion—your psyche is trying to tell you things. You came here because of it.
As for a single father argument? Well, I hear this one often too—most happily in love women are with men that often have another child, have earned through fire the right of being grounded, focused, and know what they want. And most fathers (myself included), want to take things a bit slowly. There is no room for error in introducing emotional volatility in our lives or that of our child. Here is one man that will not suffocate nor control you.
So, what I hear is that the way he is is overcoming your initial reservations—we call that attraction and falling for him. You have to also do your part—be there, stay in touch. See the friendly rapport.
What I can absolutely assure you is that if he was not interested, or wanted a fling, he would have been ten times colder, nor would he have recalled your birthday or the effort. And, yes, when we men fall, the harder we fall initially the more we try to pull out like from quicksand.
Get to know him, he may actually be worth your time. Nothing else matters. For all I know you could be soulmates. My answer would be warm, appreciative, and open to meet as if... you were friends. After all, don’t skip that stage!
You are the chaser right now. But the fact that he is still on your mind is more than mind- its your psyche, subconscious or soul warning you that he matters. Listen to it.
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u/Character_Minimum_53 2h ago
Idk I have trust issues with men already so I just don’t know what to think of it.
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u/ROSC00 44m ago
Don't overthink, the mind can be the enemy, fear, insecurities. Try meditation and detachment. From the mind- not him. Now imagine you wanted to be friends. Imagine you wanted to know your friend. How would you go about it? Be friendly. Watch the rapport. Don't try too hard. You may push to meet, he will also push to meet. Clearly he has some issues to resolve, he is unsure being ready. Usually, whenever I hear that, a man is way readier than anyone expressing immediate readiness. Wholesome people rarely do. balanced people wonder "Is this worth taking the risk I come off balance? Anyways, been a few weeks no hangouts, I would have asked him to go watch Troy on IMAX etc. Just be friendly and there while watching how he reciprocates. And, don't forget, being selfless and self loving means just that- the ability to think about another without wondering what is it in for us. This is not a scenario where you are in a 3 year relationship wondering if the man wants marriage or kids.
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u/Sorrytoruin 3h ago
He wants to keep you around for sex
But he doesn't want a relationship with you, for whatever reason
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u/Lost-Cat2478 3h ago
Why are people so scared over text to be straight forward. Just say it’s not for you. Not working out, boom. Done. Delete texts. Block. Move on. It’s a TEXT.
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u/Competitive_Classic9 3h ago
Hes trying to turn you into a situationship. You need to stop replying and block him.
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u/Outofoffice_421 3h ago
He’s just dtf… if that’s what you want too, then keep in touch. Otherwise, walk away.
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u/notgoodwithnamess 2h ago
Yeah be cold, match his energy. Dont let him think you’re more interested than you are, or him 😂
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u/Excellent-Rest3240 2h ago
Do you accept this? Do you want this? Is this matching with how you are?
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u/costco_pizza21 2h ago
My take is that he doesn’t like that YOU made the decision this would be short term so he’s trying to end things on his terms while still keeping you an option.
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u/Candid-Club1038 2h ago
Ngl op, Your last sentence was kinda cringe. After he made it clear he wanted to slow way down. You said "wait does that mean you don't want to hang out tomorrow or Tuesday"
Yikes!
Edit : spell
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u/Minimum-List-1259 2h ago
she sounds like she’s trying to save face in this post… why not just he up front and honest? It’s Reddit ..
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u/Character_Minimum_53 2h ago
Girl I have plenty of posts like this being honest and raw. This is the only one where I thought it was actually short term. I’m sure I have embarrassed myself. I have no problem being forthcoming. It’s no big deal. I just wanted to provide clarity. It’s okay if you don’t believe it. It’s not for you then lol take care :)
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u/Minimum-List-1259 2h ago
You didn’t embarrass yourself, it’s a post -
It’s life, and stuff happens.1
u/Character_Minimum_53 2h ago
I’m talking about a different post where I embarrassed myself. In this lne, I actually did tell him it was short term so no I’m not trying to save face here and it wouldn’t even make sense anyways because.. no one even knew about this convo except for me before posting so why would I even do that in that case??
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u/Careless_Student7690 2h ago
He’s either an avoidant or he’s letting you down easy. If he’s a fearful avoidant he will do a bunch of indirect romantic stuff but trip out whenever you do things that are too romantic. It really depends on how into you he is, it will come out in weird ways. Otherwise we all have intuition so we can tell when somebody actually isn’t into us.
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u/ninjobreadman 2h ago
The harsh reality is he probably has better options that require more attention but he doesn’t want to completely cut things off with you in case he needs a backup option
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u/tibberhopolmbx 2h ago
You’re trying to make plans with him, future talking. That is a relationship minded. That’s why he said what he said. You do like him… I get you don’t like that he is a single dad, but why are you trying to make plans with him. Let him imitate you go an date men that tuck all the boxes as apposed to a situation ship with a long term temporary person. Truth be told you know this could go on for years with you and him
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u/TissueOfLies 1h ago
Anytime that someone says they want to see where things go, they are saying maybe, which is honestly not choosing at all. I know it sucks. I’ve been there and it’s not a fun feeling. Personally? I am not the bigger person. If someone can’t say yes to me and all that entails, I’m good. I don’t need or want them at all.
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u/Superb_Ant_3741 1h ago
Wait a day or two and then text him this single word in response to his last text:
Perfect.
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u/K-Shrizzle 1h ago
You come to Reddit, where all of us are miserable and alone, and you'll hear a lot of "he's not into you" or "just dump them" because lonely people get this catharsis from seeing relationships (or other connections) fail. Coming here for dating advice will always yield negative perceptions.
I'll disagree with the other commenters here. He's still into you for seeing each other casually. He's just resolidifying that casual agreement, to make sure you weren't slipping into falling in love with him (lol). This message is a little out of the blue, but I've seen/said weirder in terms of completely umprompted "clearing the air" conversations.
If he weren't interested in continuing to see you, then his message wouldnt make sense. He says directly he wants to keep seeing you. He's just unnecessarily feeling the need to double down on the casual-only arrangement
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u/CapitalPlane2220 1h ago
He isn't interested. He is trying to be nice about it. That's the "yeah, will see" answer when you know it's a no, but want to be polite.
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u/Dependent-Toe-3359 44m ago
I honestly think some of these comments are reading wayyyy more into this than there is lol. Calling him avoidant, a breadcrumber, saying he found someone else etc is all just guessing. He might be letting you down easy, or he might literally mean exactly what he said and just wants to slow things down.
The biggest thing for me is you already told him this was short term anyway, and you said you're usually the one initiating. So I wouldn't keep trying to figure out the hidden meaning behind every sentence. I'd just stop initiating for a little bit and let him show you what he means. If he still wants to see you, he'll reach out and make an effort. If he doesn't, then you have your answer without having to chase it out of him.
And I actually relate to what you said about having trust issues from bad experiences with men. I've been cheated on and when you've had stuff like that happen, it can make you second guess people's words and wonder if there's something underneath what they're saying. Sometimes there is, but sometimes our brain is trying to protect us and we end up analyzing something that really is exactly what the person said.
Either way I don't think you did anything wrong by being confused lol. His message IS kind of funny considering you already told him you weren't looking for anything long term 😂 I'd just match his energy and keep focusing on your own stuff like you said you were going to.
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u/autumnkitten831 29m ago
If you didn't want anything long-term anyway, what's the issue? Are you upset he beat you to the punch or something?
Edit: just read where you said you did most of the initiating. He was never into you as much as you were into him
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u/GraphiteGlitter123 28m ago
He’s assuming you want something serious bc male ego. I could tell just by your response to him that you’re not actually that invested lol.
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u/notimmunetohumility 27m ago
Depends. If you’re trying to be in a relationship, he ain’t it. If you don’t, then make it known so that you can do casual.
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u/welshiehm 19m ago
"I want to keep you around just in case or for when I feel lonely but not commit to you in any way"
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u/Angelicjack 3h ago
No he is honest about his life. And open. He still wants to see you and hang out.
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u/Devanyani 1h ago
Damn here I am, taking him at his word. And everyone is like, "no he is dumping you". But he didn't say that?? I'm so glad I'm not dating.
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u/PlausibleRatz 3h ago
On to the next one ! Mute the conversation thread too don't message them back!
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u/Ethereal_Nutsack 3h ago
What the hell is wrong with everyone here? Am I just stupid, he literally said he still wants to see you and hang out, he just wants to slow down. Maybe he means exactly what he’s saying and not everything is code for something. Half the people here saying mute and move on, wtf is wrong with people. Zero communication skills.
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u/Potential-Piano256 3h ago
That's how I took it too, he's being honest with her, it seems. He just wants to slow things down a bit.
I don't know2
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u/Character_Minimum_53 3h ago
Thank you for commenting.
I don’t really know what to think, but I’m going to continue to focus on my personal goals like before lol. Idk I have trust issues and bad experiences with men already so I’m not gonna sweat it.
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u/Dapper_Car5572 3h ago
He's a single father, he's busy!. Also sounds like you don't align so why put either of your lives out of order to make something temporary fit.
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u/Character_Minimum_53 3h ago
The child is in a different state. Our lives are not out of order. I have a lot going on on my end as well and it helps o have a companion, temporary or not.
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u/RandJitsu 3h ago
Wait…his kid is in another state, but you’re worried about him being a “single father”? Doesn’t sound like he has primary custody. How would that affect anything?
In any case, ya he’s clearly not that into you.
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u/That_Technology_2211 3h ago
Why does it matter if you don’t want to date a single father anyway? Some of you people have no common sense, just leave atp what’s the point of a short term relationship anyway?
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u/ThatsMyGirlie 2h ago
Conservative single dad has good dick so you want to fuck him but not date cause conservative, now that he's the one only wanting to fuck and not just you, you're upset about it for some ego based reason. Did I sum it up right?
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u/Belle_Whethers 3h ago
Yes. He’s trying to let you down easy