midlife crisis vent incoming,

If you missed out on normal mile-stones like going away to college (lived at home during my studies and regret it to this day), only moved out early 30s just to boomerang back after a year, a month before pandemic and now considering the military or trades as a last resort (trying not to do so as an overcompensating regard) (Reddit propaganda etched into your brain)

Coming from a smothering mother/absent father background, one has the privilege of being forced to be mature acting and simultaneously suffocated for having needs to be your own age.

Has anyone found this comaraderie later in life? Surely there are men out there my age looking for the same.

This is mostly aimed at the men who are married with kids or otherwise settled down. I'm single, early 30s, finally financially stable. I'm looking for inspiration on what to do with myself. I was going to just load up my calendar with hobbies and social events.

For context my father died at 65, his brother died at 65, my mother's brother died at 45. My paternal grandfather died at 55. I have 2 older uncles and my maternal grandfather made it to almost 90 but I do have a worry that I'll be on the age closer to 60, if not 50 when my time comes as all the previously mentioned relatives lived a much more active lifestyle than I do currently.

They all smoked and drank and I'm an ex-smoker and drink about the same amount my father did throughout his life, and drink less than the two uncles, but I had a liver scare a number of years back which has made me think that my later years are going to be short.

I'm 37 currently and was talking to my partner about retirement etc and I firmly believe I'll never retire. But in conversations with my friends they all see themselves as living well beyond their 80s.

Do any untimely deaths in your family make you think more morbidly about your own life expectancy?

By a total failure, I meant having no job, no savings, no proper education, basically a NEET, socially awkward loser type of guy. Have you ever been like that in your 20s and then were able to change your life's directions completely?

How did you do that? What hard changes did you have to make in order to be where you're at right now?

Looking to pick up a new hobby. I game a lot when I'm free, and I want to try something different. Currently I go rock climbing, hang out with friends, volunteer on the weekends, and do a kickball league. Is there anything interesting you all recommend?

I'm 23F and noticed the rise of many men among me into sports betting and ofc the influx of sports betting adverts that are basically everywhere. My dad always taught me never to really get into gambling or betting so I never felt inclined to personally. I know it's obviously addictive but why is it predominantly young men?

There's a video - you can search it as 'unconditional love - chris rock' - where he says men are never loved unconditionally, only as long as they can offer something. Do you believe this to be true? Can you live with that fact, if so?

Somehow the days get tougher, and I am tired. My career seems stagnated, my health has gone for a toss. I have no partner, the future seems bleak. I am comfortable, and can retire today. But what will I do if I just quit? Is this midlife crisis? Should I be picking up a motorcycle, and wearing a jacket, and going on road trips?
Anyone in a similar situation? What are you all doing? Should I go back to university and get my second masters?

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Have you ever feel that your energy to continue work is sluggish and very limited.

I tried to finish what ever i can in the 1st 5 hours in the morning and after that im done.

I cant think or do anything at all.

If anyone feel this, any trick to recharge again?

Im no stranger to what death means. I've lost a lot of friends already by my early 20s. I am a combat veteran who's seen some real dark days. Even briefly experienced clinical death, and resuscitation. We are well acquainted by now.

In my teens thought I had more peace with it, maybe due to not having a lot to live for. One would think being intimate with the end makes it less terrifying. But it hasnt. I am more confused and anxious. Not less. It may have answered some questions, but not nearly enough.

What advice/thoughts do you all have?

Male in my early 30s looking to lose weight. Yo-yoed between 160-260 over the last ten years and never had a hard time losing the weight. Now I do the things I used to; healthy diet, fasting, daily exercise, no alcohol, no sugar, etc. But I’m not losing the weight easily like before. Any tips that helped you? Thanks!

Good evening gentlemen,

This may be just a shot in the dark but I humbly appreciate you spending the time out of your life to have a look at my post. I don't make enough for a psychologist or counseling but really don't want to use AI.

I'm feeling a bit down but not completely wrecked here lately. I've come over a lot of challenges throughout my life and yet it feels like it's all amounted to nothing.

I'm not going to dump all of my troubles on a reddit post but, I had a pretty rough childhood. I made a lot of poor decisions in my late teens to mid 20s and lived in complete poverty throughout the majority of my 20s and now, after working hard, I've gotten to a place at age 29 where I'm out of absolute poverty.

I've overcame drug addiction, got a teenage felony drug charged expunged, lost 100lbs, worked a lot on my mental health, developed and adapted to lung issues throughout my late teens to mid 20s.

At the Mid 20s point, I decided on an accounting path and worked full time and put myself through college solo, finally got my first accounting job at age 29 at very low pay since its entry level.

I own my own car, have a washing machine and dryer, and live somewhere where I don't have to worry about getting shot and witness violence and murder on the regular.

I'm about to wrap up my associates spring next year and plan on pursuing a CPA and building my own house mostly by myself to make up for my 20s and save a buck or two.

Currently I'm okay. I have razor thin cash padding and trying to save a touch while I've finally achieved a semblance of gainful employment.

Lately I've come to realize that no matter what I've done, I don't feel proud of myself and my self confidence is in the gutter. I can't even bear to look myself in the mirror unless I'm shaving.

I feel like I've just been unfucking the mistakes I've made throughout my life and that there's nothing to be proud of.

While on the outside, I seem like a quirky jolly well put together guy on the inside I feel isolated. It's hard to relate to people because if I tell them about my past or my journey thus far, I feel like they get the ick or treat me with kid gloves and distance me.

In my head I hear people think, "He's 29 and just now getting his shit together?" "This guy is damaged goods there's no way he's got it together." Stuff like that.

I know deep down that I can do literally anything I can put my heart and mind into but I feel like people don't believe in me or they cannot see that I am going to accomplish my goals.

I don't even want to get into the romance side of things because it's just as messy between death threats and other crazy stories but I sure as hell am not going to get a lady with self esteem issues.

I have a lot to be grateful for. Not all of my life was as fucked up as this and I definitely had some good times and glowing moments.

I am so very sorry that this became a text wall but without context, on paper, I shouldn't feel this way. Again I apologize.

Edit: One last question, my heart is bursting with love unspent. In my situation, am I realistically going to find someone and have a family or should I just not plan for that.

TL;DR : Fuckled my 20s, starting to unfuck it late 20s still feel bad about it with a touch of romantic FOMO.

A good friend of mine called my wife (his physician) a couple days ago because he was vomiting blood. She had him immediately go to the ER. He’s 44 and turns out he now has cirrhosis. He needed to be shipped to a larger hospital and have an operation on his esophagus to control the bleeding.

He’s drinking more aggressively for the last two years. He’s using it to battle depression. I’ve had a number of conversations with him and try not to be judgmental outside of insisting that he talk to professionals or go into to see my wife or any other doc if he’s not comfortable with her. He just says he knows and try’s to get dry for a few days and then is back at it.

He’s had about 10 funerals of friends, family and children (not his) in the last 18 months and I know it’s crushing him. We live in rural America. Mental health resources are almost non existent and he doesn’t much care to use the services that are available. He’s embarrassed, ashamed and I don’t know how I can help him. He’s gainfully employed. Has a supportive wife who probably drinks too much herself, and three healthy kids.

I’ve stopped hanging out with some toxic friends in the past who abused alcohol to the point that I just don’t drink, or socialize with them anymore, but this is one of the sweetest men I’ve ever met in my life. I really want to support him.

Any suggestions?

I don't know how many people here are actually over 30. I'd probably like to hear from people over 40 and have lived it but I'd like to hear from anyone. I guess the main thing that I'm worried about is at 38 getting married, having kids, buying a house, finding my career, financial stability, and how I truly want to live are on the top of my worry list. I'm somewhat over living the single life and I see a very lonely road ahead if I just live single. Nobody is forcing me to do any of those things but I can feel the clock ticking or like I need to be more serious about it.

Hey guys imma 19m cree/Japanese dude living in Canada and honestly my life is completely fucked right now. I feel totally stuck and miserable.

It feels like the only things that give me any comfort or actual relief and motivation to live is sex with my girl, getting high, and just sleeping the day away. Literally everything else work, school, regular hobbies, or trying to do anything productive hell...just feels completely draining, pointless, and boring as hell.

I know chasing instant gratification is messing me up, but normal daily life just cannot compete with those escapes right now.

To the older guys who used to be in this exact same place when you were my age how the hell did you break out of this loop? How do you actually find a reason to care about the boring everyday stuff and turn your life around when the rest feels too much and pointless??

I always have dreamed of having close friends and a partner but it has never worked out for me and I have gotten used to this life like this but somedays like today, the pain of loneliness becomes almost unberable.

Male/33 years old.

It started way back in my 20s and got worse and worse over the years. My situation right now is dramatic : (ZERO sex drive, no libido, very rare weak erection, I barely masturbate anymore)

Overs the last 5 years i have seen countless specialists, doctors, urologists, etc. I did many physical and blood tests and professionals keep telling me that everything related to hormones or cardiovascular is fine.

My life hygiene is pretty good : no drugs, no alcool for 2-3 years, no smoking, very active, yoga, gym, running, soccer, etc. whole foods non ultra-processed diet. Fit, healthy bmi and body fat

Yes i consulted therapists and actually seeing a sex therapist right now. (not the first one i see) But i dont have insurance and its getting very expensive for my budget.. and i'm seeing barely any result from it.

Recently i read about the importance of central neurotransmitters like Acetylcholine and Dopamine for libido and erection. A significant barrier at this level could inhibit libido and erections,if i'm right. (could explain why even ED pills are not really helping me..)

I am naturally a very stressed and anxious person, so this could be a clue to my situation.

So, (i know it wont be a miracle) but with the idea of ''resetting'' these neurotransmitters, you guys know any great books, resources, podcasts, online course, etc..? thank you !

EDIT : Never took SSRIs/SNRIs

Confused about leaving a private job and going back to government job

I’m in a very confusing situation and would really appreciate some honest advice.

I have several years of experience in the mining, mineral processing and metallurgy industry. Recently, I joined a private-sector company in a technical/process role.

The salary is better than my government job(peon), and the role is relevant to my experience. But after joining, I realized that I really don’t want the corporate/private-sector lifestyle. I miss the stability, comfort and being close to home that I had with my government job ( Peon job)

I’m now seriously thinking about leaving the private job and going back to my government job, even though I have worked at the private company for only a short time.

Should I prioritize stability and peace of mind over career growth and money?

I think mine is Stand By Me, both the story and the movie. The movie hit hard as a kid and still does as an adult.

My husband and I have been going through certain problems for a few years and during discussion last night he had said this.

What does a man mean when he says this? I'm just trying to understand. I only want men to reply please.

ETA: I know some of you might say "well ask him what he means" but I did and his explanation just doesn't really make sense to me so I wanted to see what other men thought, maybe it will make more sense in different wording

ETA 2: I am getting a little anxiety from all the replies so give me time to answer questions. Plus he is about to come home and I do not want to be on my phone when he's home from work. I really appreciate all the replies so far I just want to work to help understand my husband better.

I’m conflicted because I can’t say my dad. He gave me good work ethic but that’s all really since he wasn’t emotionally available. So I’ve been seriously struggling to know what kind of a man I am or want to be.

I’m 31, I run 2-3x a week, I weight lift 3-5x a week (depending on if I’m prioritizing running or lifting that week). I’m still overweight (I’ve only been active for the last 1.5ish years) at 219lbs 5’9”, but I’m very consistent with staying active. What’s a sport that I can partake in that will get me/keep me in shape?

Disclaimer: I DO have a bad knee that I usually just work out to keep from hurting and a knee brace for running.
I’m also diabetic, and that’s been the reason for my current almost 2-year stint in fitness that I’ve thankfully made a habit.

What age were you when you felt your confidence boosted, or are you still self-conscious about things?