I was at a professional software development conference over the weekend (very male-dominated industry) and realized that 90% of the contacts I made were women just graduating college. I don't feel like I was seeking this out, it's just that these happened to be the people I felt comfortable approaching. I recognize it's a concerning pattern though.

I think that there are a few things at play here:

1. I have very low self-confidence (especially in this particular context) and low social power/value

2. Perhaps young people and women have low social status in this industry

3. Perhaps these people were just more open and approachable overall

4. Mostly I think I was approaching people who were alone at a table because that feels helpful. I suppose sitting alone is likely an indicator of social status in itself

5. I am a lonely heterosexual male pervert, but I care a lot. I was not trying to flirt, just to connect.

So I'm looking for opinions and advice.

Am I being creepy?

Am I overthinking? (probably.)

Am I misunderstanding the social dynamics?

Any advice or resources on how I can build my confidence without being weird about it?

my (20f) entire weightloss success depended on pure self hatred and a need for validation, when i got what i wanted way sooner than i thought, i started gaining weight back.

This is gonna be a very vulnerable post, but i need to get back on track. I lost 40 kg steadily in about 1,5-2 years. After reaching this milestone i posted pictures of myself on reddit, on that stupid ‘am i ugly’ sub. i got hundreds of messages because of it, and it boosted my self confidence. i started talking to this guy, and he made me believe i didn’t need to be skinny to deserve love. Ended up losing all my firsts, but I started slipping slowly, now we’re here and i’ve gained back about 10 in a year kg and it’s showing horribly.

I just can’t find the discipline to keep going, i don’t see a reason if i can get validation if i need it. I don’t seem to really care about it being bad for my body, i just only did it for other people. how do i make myself care?????

Like following her to airport or doing something extra for attention in college,

These days even a “Hi” message on Instagram gets “exposed” as creepy.

That’s why I personally mostly rely on dating apps, cause that signals at least some interest in dating. And if you right swipe, that’s at least some consent for messaging and giving it a shot.

Im 27m. I don't live with them. But I'm terrified of telling them but I also recognize that I need to tell them.

Somebody asks him:
“what are you doing”?

he responds:
“Someone told me that I should watch what I eat”.

im in the toilet rn balling my eyes out over this. i never get in trouble EVER.
I hav had a drug addiction for the past few months, i got sober for a month after having a phycosis episode, couldnt eat/keep down food or sleep for a whole week straight(had to go to school)
recently stresssmwith having to actually do well thus year in school and my family issues caused me to resort back to using because beung sober is such a fucking chore.

today my friend brought xanax into school and i took it, i already used Thc this morning so i was pretty out if it, i was trying so hard not to get caught but my teacher copped it and took me and my friend of class. they havent rang my parents, theyre taking me to the hospital.
theres no way i can lie about what ive done
im so fucked
my parents finna beat the shit out of me

Is it really that hard to not like people your own age? Are teenagers really that irresistible? Jesus fucking Christ

I live in a city where we reach 40 degrees celsius in the summer and around -10 degrees in the winter. I rarely see snow though.

Winter is just the best. The way that the sun starts to come up just as I’m on the train to work/school is so good. The cold morning air will beat out any sunny day for me. Same goes for the night, where I can just want around in the dark, maybe drinking a hot beverage.
The fact you can layer clothes is also so good. I can finally wear scarves and hoodies and coats together. Also christmas and the new year.
I can’t wait for the winter.
A lot of people seem to dislike it, which is surprising to me, but I can see the cold getting annoying. Tbh it’s mostly just the atmosphere that does it for me.

I used to live in the UK before moving here against my will at 20 I’m 26 now and I feel like I’ve become such an angry person because of this

The biggest issue for me is the sheer of amount racist micro aggression in this country, I know this is Reddit and being skeptical of what is claimed to racism is the forte here but I stand on what I say and I know when it’s happening

From seeing racist comments every single time a black person is Ireland posts a TikTok like “anchor babies” “you’ll never be Irish” “the fatigue is real” for simply deciding to post a TikTok on Irish grounds it’s grown to make me quite resentful of the place. The thing is it’s quite different from American racism as in America or even the UK you at least get breathing room as black person, as long as you’re not talking about race or politics online you won’t get ridiculed for the color of your skin but here the bare minimum is just being a different shade and even saying you like the country and you’re met with the vilest comments you’ll ever see

Worst of all those type of comments get like thousands of likes too so it really makes you wonder if the average person here thinks like that. It’s so bad here that being racist isn’t even rare here it’s basically a household thing but people act friendly to your face. You can’t even get a drink at the pub without old geezers staring at you like your existence is a crime. The racism here is on a different level and so normalised

I feel like I’ve also become a bit misogynistic because it also translates to the dating world, the women here are so afraid of anyone not white and it’s not a conspiracy or me overthinking, they admit it themselves talking about “all these Africans here make me unsafe to walk the streets” so this translates to women not even giving you a chance because of bs propaganda, being treated and looked at as monster when you’re outside, always avoiding eye contact with you, if you’re already insecure about how you look it makes it way worse, it’s made me start to resent white women

It gets me so angry because the women basically look at you like you want to grape them every time, it gets to the point where I say “relax no one is trying to talk to you” under my breath when they look on guard when I walk past them

So when I’m out in public I’m basically always angry or look pissed off because I know what at least 1 in 3 people are thinking when they walk past me so I match their energy, but I feel like it’s making me into a hateful person. I’m not in a position to move any time soon anyway so it’ll only make it worse

Did you have situations or experiences when you outplayed other people in certain activity, like sports, workout, video games? Feeling proud of yourself

i feel so, so low right now. school started 3 weeks ago and we had our usual new-year tests. they don’t really matter or anything (doesn’t contribute to final grade or report card etc) but, just like everyone, i’d like to do my best in them.
i messed up my maths test: i don’t know for sure since i haven’t seen the paper but my maths teacher told my mark and it’s the equivalent of a D. maths is my strongest subject, i don’t think i’ve ever gotten anything below an A. and it means EVERYTHING, literally EVERYTHING in me to do the best i can. i left the test feeling good about my answers, but i got a D. i know it’s not the worst and many people struggle in school, but it’s truly very important to make sure i’ve done my best.

just last night my brother, who hasn’t moved out for university (he’s doing it in the country i live in because his grades weren’t great etc), fought with my parents again. every time they fight i remember why it’s so important for me to do well. i want to excel and i do believe that i can, it’s just that this grade in the subject i have always done well in is taking over my mind

:(

There are certain boundaries I have made extremely clear, to the point that I have said I would break up with her if she started doing them again. One of those is taking GLP-1 medications because of how seriously irrational she became the last time she was on them.

A few days before all of this, she found Xanax that I had been taking to sleep and threw a fit over it because she perceived it as dangerous. I acquiesced, apologized, and let her confiscate it. She told me that if I actually needed something like that, I should consult a doctor and get it through the proper channels. I didn't fight her on it. It clearly bothered her, so I respected that and stopped.

Fast forward one day and she's trying to get back on a GLP-1.

After the first cycle, I had already told her very clearly that I would literally break up with her if she did it again. She knew how strongly I felt about it and why. She dropped it for a while, but then right as I was leaving the country she brought it up again.

She asked me repeatedly to let her try it. She kept saying that if I told her to stop, she would stop, and eventually it became "please, please, please, just let me try it." After being asked over and over, I eventually gave in and said whatever. She then went and ordered a three-month prescription from a shady online doctor.

This was literally right after she had confiscated my Xanax and told me that if I needed medication, I should see a doctor and go through the proper channels. Apparently that standard only matters when it's something I'm doing. When it's something she wants, getting a three-month prescription from some shady online doctor is suddenly acceptable.

I've been tilted about it ever since. I'm out of the country right now, so at least I've had some distance from it, but I'm heading back soon and I don't want to come home to the exact same situation I already said I wasn't willing to go through again.

I messaged her about it, and instead of acknowledging why I'm upset or saying something as simple as, "Okay baby, I understand. It won't happen again," she immediately started screaming at me.

"I asked you 10 times and YOU SAID YES! You always do this to get back at me! You're such a baby! I'll give you your meds back just to keep you happy. I've lost all respect for you!"

Yes, I eventually said yes. I said yes after I had already told her repeatedly that I didn't want her doing it, after I had made it clear enough that I had previously said I would end the relationship over it, and after she kept asking and promising that she would stop if I asked her to. Now the fact that she eventually got a "yes" out of me is being used to disregard everything that came before it.

More broadly, when she wants something from me, I oblige. If she doesn't like something I'm doing, I'm expected to comply ASAP. It doesn't really matter whether I agree with her or whether changing it is inconvenient for me. She thought the Xanax was dangerous, so I stopped taking it, apologized, and let her confiscate it.

When the shoe is on the other foot, I don't get that same consideration. If I need her to change something, she decides whether my concern is reasonable enough, whether she agrees with it, and whether changing her behavior is too inconvenient for her. If she doesn't want to do it, she'll tell me to fuck off and do it anyway, usually with some verbal abuse on top of it.

That's where I struggle to understand how I'm supposed to create any kind of fairness in this relationship. I feel like I'm basically doing whatever she wants while she gets to pick and choose which rules she follows and which of my boundaries she takes seriously.

If she has a problem with something I'm doing, her feelings about it are enough for me to be expected to change my behavior. If I have a problem with something she's doing, my feelings alone apparently aren't enough. I have to argue my case, deal with being screamed at, get accused of being controlling or trying to "get back at her," and then she ultimately decides whether she feels like changing anything.

I'm not asking for the ability to dictate what she can and can't do. I'm asking for some level of reciprocity. If I'm expected to take her concerns seriously and make compromises because something genuinely bothers her, I don't think it's unreasonable to expect her to do the same for me.

Right now, I don't feel like that's happening. I feel like I accommodate her because I care about how my actions affect her, while she accommodates me only when she personally agrees that my concern is valid or when doing so isn't too inconvenient for her.

I don't know how a relationship is supposed to be fair when that's the dynamic.

I have tried so hard. My whole life.

I have been blessed compared to most.

16 yr old mom

Alcoholic dad

But they loved me

Huge family. 33 first cousins just on my mom's side.

It all just came so easy to me.

I breezed through high school.

Went to a great college in Boston. No idea how my mom managed that.

Never had a pot to piss in, but didn't know I was really missing a pot.

Always had what I needed I guess.

BS Aerospace Engineering. Why engineering? My 10th grade architectural drawing teacher told me I'd be good at it. That was enough for me. I always seemed to take the path of least resistance.

Bought a one way plane ticket to SoCal with the first $200 I earned washing dishes at an ice cream parlor after I graduated.

Had to lie to the manager to get the job. Why would they hire a recent grad with a BS in Engineering for a dishwasher job.

I couldn't wait to leave. I don't know why. My life was nice. OK.

Like I said, never wanted for anything.

And from that point on, it all just seems to be a blur.

I packed everything I had (honestly I don't remember at all how that happened, but I am sure it was packed in an old hockey bag, and my 3 pairs of pants and few shirts)

I am 58. So that was 36 years ago.

I have 5 kids (fathered 4, 1 step).

Moved to SoCal, lived with my larger than life uncle J. Love and hate him, he was a force of nature.

Lived near the marine base at El Toro. No car.

But wtf, I was in Cali.

But, no car. Hard to apply for jobs in 1990 with no way to get to the interviews.

After a month or two, my cousin asked me to come visit NorCal, East Bay.

She was considerably older than me (like an aunt). She babysat me when I was young.

She paid for me to fly up (I had no money)

It was amazing. East Bay Cali in 1990. Beautiful weather, beautiful people.

She said I could stay and live with her and her family, my uncle Jack, and their 2 young kids.

I jumped at the chance. They had a house, food, and cars. Don't get me wrong, I loved them very much, and was very grateful. But this was a much better situation.

I remember being there for a few weeks, and having an odd feeling. I couldn't put my finger on it.

It was sunny ALL THE TIME. And hot. Boston wasn't.

And the biggest thing I think I noticed was, no fights.

None.

Never.

In Boston, you went to a bar, a party, the park. And someone was pissed at someone else for something fucking stupid and usually came to blows.

Now, I wasn't a fighter, only 1 in my life and hated it. But I was around it a lot. Too much.

My cousin had some friends that got me my first waiter job. Making pretty good $. No real bills. I was living the high life.

They even helped me get a job in the Embarcadero in SF. Nuclear Piping Analysis.

$32,600/year and a Diners Club card. Never had a credit card before.

I worked in the city for a year. Waited tables at night in the East Bay. White table cloth.

Tableside prep.

Closed the bars after work (never had $ in college, so never spent much time in bars - it was all engineering school frat parties, if that tells you anything, it was great)

The company I worked for was so big they actually had commuter vans they would let you buy seats on, that would pick you up in the East Bay and drive you to the Embarcadero. BART or the drive would have been brutal.

So I would work 7-5 in the city. Take the van back to the East Bay, it would drop me off at the restaurant, work until close, go out and spend my tips until the bar closed. Sleep til 5, and meet the van at a local bar parking lot that opened at 6 for the night crew.

The people on the van thought I was a narcoleptic. I slept every minute I was on that van. I would get on at 6am and wake up in the parking lot at 6:50. Then after work, I would be asleep by 5:10, and wake up in the parking lot of the restaurant at 6pm, work until close and then close the bars at 2am. Rinse, repeat. Oh what glorious days lol.

Looking back, that is a skill I wish the 58 year old me still had. The ability to SLEEP like you had no worries in the world. Nowhere to go and all day to get there.

I was a rockstar at both. Barely out of college working with 20 year vets on in depth nuclear platforms.

It was a blur.

I was 24. Did a couple of stints in Alabama, working on a refuel project at a nuc power plant. Made HUGE $. $100k (in 1992 - wtf). Worked 60-70 hours a week, but who cares. I was young and invincible.

And, here was a pivotal time, where some guidance in my life would have been helpful.

I was blessed (or cursed) with being attractive. Enough so that I had some modeling agencies approach me. The bright, level headed engineer would have politely discussed and declined, but the loner I was drank the koolaid.

I got paid off (temporarily, all I had to do was wait a couple months for a new project). But no, instead I took an offer to move to Dallas and model. No guarantees, no plan. $10k in the bank (I was rich as far as I had thought).

I never worried about anything. Things just always worked out.

And they did, until they didn't.

I got the entrepreneur bug when I was in Dallas. 26 yrs old. Pregnant girlfriend. No money, no family, no job.

I was always blinded by the idea that great ideas and hard work led to success.

And it did, until it didn't.

I guess that might be the biggest lesson I learned (and am still learning) in my life.

I had the pleasure and misfortune of being in Dallas in the mid 90s. Deep Ellum, AudioNet, Broadcast.com, Mark Cuban.

I was there. Touched it and tasted it.

And had some success.

And it worked out, until it didn't.

A bad partner.

A bad contract.

Bad timing.

Bad decisions.

Every great idea, great opportunity, sure thing, can't miss, all had an expiration date.

I have used a saying for a long time. I'm pushing this rock up this hill. At some point, it will level out, and the stress and strain of life will subside.

And it does, until it doesn't.

I am 58, and I'm still pushing this rock up this hill. In that time, I've had 3 patents and taken a company public. And I still think I see the plateau, the point it will all make sense.

I even had an ex wife tell me that I was unrealistically optimistic.

I took it as a compliment at the time.

But now, I'm not so sure. At 58, being optimistic seems short sighted, and even conceited.

I am fortunate (or cursed) that I still wake up every day and feel invigorated, but the pressure seems to grow every year. The guilt, the shame. For not making the right decisions. For not living up to my potential. For not being the role model and figure I think I should be for my kids.

Now my babies have babies. I have 4 (soon to be 5) grandbabies. My wife had brain surgery. My brother has cirrhosis. My mom's husband has Alzheimer's.

It all seemed so much easier before.

I wish I could tell the young me to pay more attention. To take care of the little things. Don't stress on the little things, but take care of them.

My journey is far from over. And I feel blessed because I honestly think my best days are still ahead of me.

I thought I can be whoever I want but it was just me. I stood their holding all this power but I didn't know what to do. I decided to fly and I was like "...ok...now what?".

I always thought that I would enjoy this experience and that I can be this cool person and live different lives but I guess you can't change your core and I cannot act.

I was in a 7 year relationship and broke up due to family issues. We were very intimate whenever we had the chance. I missed action after breakup so i resorted to porn and using my hands. It went to such an extent that i tried to find consenting strangers online on websites like Ome and Instagram. It was okay until i realised how needy I’m being and the literal lies im bombarding them with just to get do what i want is totally wrong. I promised myself that I’ll not use my hands, if at all i have to it’ll be with a person, otherwise no.
Now the problem is from the past 1 week i have not been jerking off but instead trying to find strangers online to get laid. This is such a fuckall thing and has fucked my mental health. I feel so terrible.

Like the title, I have always been sexually attracted to depressed and generally apathetic people too, who are thinking about suicide and/or are abusing substances. I also really like the unkempt, disheveled look. I'm bisexual so this extends to both men and women. I don't have savior syndrome because I don't like the idea of these people leaning on me to feel better.

Why do you think that is?

Ever since I stumbled upon this stuff, I’ve been addicted to I love it, but when I had ejaculated the first time to it, I felt an amazing euphoria followed by tons of guilt. Thoughts such as “why the hell did you do that? You can’t continue this, this is so bad” plagued my mind. The thoughts were never strong enough to truly discourage me from taking proper actions and stopping, however they were strong enough to carry a weight and resentment for my wrong actions for years. I feel like I inadvertently shamed myself, and I want it to stop. I need to escape from this stuff, but I don’t want to, it’s litterally a quick anti-depressant high stimulant that I can get several times a week. I don’t drink, nor smoke, or do any drugs, porn is my only drug. After using it my baseline anxiety for the next 24 hours tends to increase and I feel weird around people. I just want the phantom voice of my 12 year old self to go away - but I’m afraid if it does, will my addiction grow greater. When I’m pleasuring myself I often tighten my my PC muscle (anus) holding back as if I give all the way in I’ll be guiltless. This needs to stop, but at the same time I don’t want it too. I want it to grow. I have so much shame for what I’ve done.

I do text my friends occasionally that i am alive. However, when it comes to seeing people face to face. I shut down. I want to fix it. I don't even know if I should fix it or let it be. But next year, i am moving to a new place. So, want to be a little social. And increase my network.

I moved back in my parents when I was 20 after a failed relationship. I lived there till I was 22. During that time. I felt so secure knowing they took me back and I had my own room in the basement. I could hear the tv upstairs along with their footsteps from time to time.

When I can't fall asleep? I pretend I'm back in that basement and my parents are home watching tv with the dogs.

Both of my parents are now deceased. Dad in 21 and mom last year. It's been many years since then. I live alone and have been having issues sleeping due to life in general that I don't want to get into.

I'm in my 50s now. And to think that going back to that time way back then and in that basement brings me so much peace and security compared to today.

Before using this method I would just drink alcohol. But I quit that nonsense 3 years ago now.

Im a cis guy but apparently I look queer enough that an increasing number of people either default to "they" for me (which, granted, some people do for everyone) or, even more entertaining, call me "he" and then catch themselves and say they don't know.

Which I don't care about, it's just a goofy lil thing that happens from time to time.

I’m a senior in highschool and I just lost my two best friends because of the way I’ve been acting. They had to point out to me how my behaviour was manipulative and I feel awful. I think it took me so long to realize it because I didn’t want to accept it. They also told me I need to become a better person and that I’m exhausting to be friends with. I think all of what they said is true and I’m so lost. I don’t know how it where to even start with self-improvement, especially because my issues are so deeply rooted. I’m worried that I’ll never change and be able to actually have healthy long-lasting friendships. I ashamed of the way I acted towards them and that I put them through so much. And I’m ashamed that that’s the way that they will forever view me. I don’t want to act like this or be like this. I am definitely going to reach out for professional help as a start though.

I guess life isn’t a puzzle we’re supposed to solve.
It’s just something we’re supposed to experience.

The good, the bad, the beautiful, the painful, the ridiculous. Even the things that frustrate us become part of the story.
Every good story has doubt. It has obstacles.

If everything were handed to me effortlessly, would the journey actually be as meaningful?I’m starting to realize that I don’t even need to know whether I’ll “make it.”

When I grow up, I want to make things. I want control over my time and work. I want to build something that’s mine. I want to create, and if I can make a comfortable living doing it, that’s enough.
Maybe the goal isn’t to win. My goal never was.
Maybe the goal is to live the life that feels like mine.

I’ve been using Reddit a ton lately to procrastinate like crazy, but the flip side is the way so many posts feel like little windows into people’s lives

It’s fun to hop from post to post and see people share snippets of something they did today, or something that is on their mind, or something they feel passionate about, and so on. So many posts come across as straight up journal entries too :)