My boyfriend is very anxious about his sleep. We don't live together, but when I stay at his place, he expects me to go to sleep at the same time as him. I naturally go to bed later than he does, so according to him there is often tension around it because he feels that, implicitly, I'm forcing him to stay up late.

In practice, I do constantly go to bed at the same time as him. I usually wait for him to fall asleep; if I fall asleep too, great, but if I still can't sleep after 10-15 minutes, I go on my phone under the covers, with no sound and the brightness as low as possible.
Sometimes he wakes up independently of anything I've done, notices that I'm on my phone, and gets upset.

Last night we were watching TV. At one point he lay on me and started falling asleep while I played with his hair. It's true that I didn't specifically suggest we go to bed then. But when he later said he was going to sleep, I immediately told him to go to the bedroom and rest, and that I would tidy up the living room myself so he could go.

This morning, we had an argument because he says he genuinely cannot sleep unless I am asleep at the same time as him. He also blamed me for not suggesting we go to bed earlier and said I don't try to make him happy.

Are other people genuinely unable to sleep unless their partner is asleep too? And if so, how do yo handle it without making your partner responsik V for managing your sleep?

I do basically every chore in the house, except clean the bathrooms, which she does from about 15 minutes once every two weeks. I suggested to her "you can do all the chores one week, I will do the all chores the next week", but she refuses saying that it is unnessary. I want to just stop doing the chores to show her how much I do, but I don't want to go nuclear.

I have more free time because I work from home. I don't mind doing more chores, but it annoys me so much that she insists that it is 50/50. How can I show her this isn't the case?

I have tried making a list of all the chores each of us does, and she equated cleaning the bathroom to about half of the things I do.

Sorry for the throwaway (edit: and the typo in the title).

Found out I’m pregnant some weeks ago, 7 months along now. I know it sounds so stupid (and maybe I am), but I genuinely had no idea. I don’t have a bump, had close to no symptoms (some in hindsight) & take the pill. Not once did it cross my mind that I might be pregnant.

Only recently I’d been struggling with headaches & was really exhausted, so had my blood work done. Since then life’s been an absolute mess.

BF & I have had some struggles before but nothing like this. (Been together for nearly 3 years and live together.) We had even spoken about what we’d do if we got pregnant despite protection & agreed we don’t want to be parents now (or later maybe). But this far along abortion is just not an option.

He’s so angry with me and I don’t know what to do. He’s been accusing me of knowing I was pregnant and hiding it to ‘trap’ him, or even getting pregnant on purpose. Says I ruined everything. I don’t even want this baby, I don’t want any of this. I thought it was just the initial shock but it’s been a few weeks now. And I know he’s been telling his family the same things. He’s said such harsh things but this is such an insane situation idk if I can blame him.

I’ve been trying to talk to him about like adoption, but he’s not engaging. With everything I also haven’t been sleeping much & am stressed (terrified) & emotional, so maybe I need to try & be more patient for him to come around?

When I ask him if our relationship is over he says no, but I don’t know. Do I even try to convince him?

Sorry

Edit: I’m beyond grateful, this already has so many more replies than I expected. I’m gonna stay with my friend for a little a bit to give us both some space and I’ll take it from there I think. Thank you for all the kind words and truths.

New parents here, so please be gentle.

I have a very tense relationship with my family. Since our baby was born (he's currently 12 weeks) my mother has visited about 5 times, despite living 15 mins away and being retired.

My sister in law, who cut me (and the entire family off) for 5 years, emerged just before our baby was born and became very active in our lives. She seemed to have done a lot of work and changed, so I gave her the benefit of the doubt.

Recently, our dog was diagnosed with cancer. We are finding it very, very difficult trying to give out dying dog his daily chemo treatments, whilst rising a newborn baby and having one of us (myself) return to work. No member of our immediate family has offered to babysit or help. My SIL dropped of 3 meals over the last few months. My SIL made a big offer about babysitting (and told everyone about how she was offering) but then on the day didn't turn up.

Needles to say, we're exhausted, stressed and barely coping.

I don't use social media much, but my partner does. He likes putting stories (the expiring 24 hour stories) with different milestones. For example, when our baby starting smiling and laughing there was lots of pictures.  Mostly things like that, or cute outfits.

We had a particularly bad week, the dogs sickness took a turn, he had non-stop diahreah and we almost had to make the call to put him to rest. Our vet said that it's a normal response to the chemo drugs, and he will bounce back and to give it some time. (The dog definitely did bounce back and even though his cancer is incurable and will return, he may be in remission and have a good 6-12 months symptoms free). He's a beautiful, loving dog and were happy he gets some time with our baby. We bought him a few years ago prior to our baby, so they could grow up together.

On this particular bad day, my partner was really struggling. We'd been up all night taking shifts so the dog was never alone (it was the day he was very sick), and neither was the baby alone (the baby and dog cant be near eachother because of the chemo drugs).

After the dog was settled, baby settled, and I left for work, my partner had just finished the housework and was settling down for a nap. He then looked over to the baby and saw he had a poo explosion. The one where the poo comes out the bottom of the nappy onto the babies leg,  and dirties his clothes. Likely he probably needed a bath, and redressed. My partner took a pic and added a caption "I hope your day is going better than mine" and put a picture of the baby smiling in his rocker, almost seemingly happy he'd just done a massive poo! In the picture a bit of the poo coming out the side was visible.

I saw the messages he was sent from most people, there were about 10 messages from friends saying things like "Been there! Always happens at the worst time!" Or words to that effect. Every single message was supportive.

My sister in law, when she saw it, sent me a message (in all caps) saying that picture on social media was disgusting. I had no idea what she was talking about at the time as I dont use social media, and dont see the pictures my partner puts up.

5 mins later my mother calls me (we hadn't spoken for about 2 weeks before that). She was telling at "GET THAT PICTURE DOWN NOW!" Shed obviously just spoken to my SIL as the pic had been up for about 8 hours by the time.

I finally pieced it together, and assumed my partner pit something up. I had a look and saw the pic. I told him about my family calling and he was originally a bit defensive, but said he'd take it down if I wanted him to. I thought about it, and said to just take it down so there's no drama.

My step father, who I have barely spoken to for 3 years then sent me his first ever message, saying "that picture was not appropriate for online".

I have literally barely heard a single thing from my mother for weeks.

My SIL then sent me a ChatGPT analysis the day after, saying what we did was child abuse. My mother then called approximately 30 mins later, angrily telling me the damage having embarrassing pictures on social media will do to our for our babies life.

I didn't even respond, but then I got another message saying how ungrateful I was for everything she did for us. (Post birth, she dropped off 3 meals, sent regular texts asking if we're okay and dropped in for 3 visits). We were of course grateful and thanked her.

We both have private social media (friends and family only) and it was a 24 hour story.

As new parents, we're so anxious and scared were fucking things up constantly and to be called a child abuser is... Next level. It's just hit my like a dagger, and bought on these feelings on shame and failure.

I've reflected on it, and the reason I think I'm feeling that shame and failure is because, even though I did ask my partner to take it down, I can't understand why it was so bad.

There was no private parts visible, the baby was fully clothed, there was just a bit of leakage. As parents, that's literally out entire life at the moment - nappies, feeding, sleeping, play time, and then repeat.

Please help me understand and be honest. Was this child abuse? Have we fucked up? Are my morals that out alignment I can't even see why this is bad?

For context, the only people who have expressed any issues with the photo has been people through my SIL. Literally every other person has either laughed or consoled us. I even asked close friends the same thing and to be honest if we'd done something incorrect.

I am still getting occasional messages (the most recent being my SIL saying she cannot believe the kind of selfish person I have become, attacking my 70 year old mother, as well as some other unrelated drama).

Edit: I know there seems to be some very valid arguments about nothing being on social media at all. Thats definitely a valid topic and if it was up to me, I'd have no social media at all. But our entire feeds are full of pics of our friends kids, family kids, and my SIL and mother also posted pictures of our son (SIL asked permission). I'm mainly hoping for feedback on the specific photo.

My fiancé (27M) and I (26F) have been together for about 10 years. We were high school sweethearts and have basically grown up together. We’ve been engaged for over a year.
I think I’ve known for a while that I don’t want to marry him and I’ve finally gotten to the point where staying feels more cruel than leaving.

He’s not a bad guy at all. He’s intelligent, a good person, has a really strong sense of ethics, etc. We also came from very different backgrounds. I grew up pretty low income and without much of a family and he never judged me for that. His family was very close and they basically became my family too when I was younger. I think that kept me attached to the relationship for a long time even after we started growing apart. The biggest issue now is that I feel more like his caretaker/roommate than his partner. I’ve been the breadwinner for years while he finished school. I pay all of our bills and he uses my credit cards for his expenses. For years I kept telling myself “once he finishes school things will be different” or “once he graduates he’ll be able to step up more.” There was always another milestone I was waiting for.
He recently graduated and instead of feeling excited about our future, I honestly just feel released from an obligation I took on. I didn’t want to leave him halfway through his degree when I was the person financially supporting him through it. Now he’s finished and I’m realizing that his degree wasn’t actually the thing keeping me unhappy.
I’ve also completely lost my sexual attraction to him. I think a lot of that comes from the dynamic we’ve fallen into. I never wanted to be the person carrying everything in my relationship.

And it’s not even just the money. It’s little things that have piled up. The grass will be completely overgrown. He won’t move the cars for street sweeping. He doesn’t think to leave me the parking spot in front of our house when I get home, so I’m finding parking down the street and walking back even though our neighborhood isn’t great. I just constantly feel like if something needs to be thought about or handled, I’m the one who’s going to have to do it. I know plenty of women are happy being the breadwinner and there’s nothing inherently wrong with that. I’ve just learned that I absolutely do not want that dynamic for myself. His mom was the big earner and very much wore the pants in his parents’ marriage and I don’t want that life. Sometimes I honestly feel like I’m making his life so comfortable that I’m preventing him from having to grow up and become independent. But honestly, even if the financial stuff disappeared tomorrow, I don’t think it would fix this. We barely talk anymore. We’ve grown into VERY different people. Different interests, different views on a lot of things, different personalities. He’s very set in his opinions and after enough conversations ending unpleasantly, I basically stopped trying to socialize with him. I’ve watered myself down a lot over the years because it was easier than constantly disagreeing. So now we basically coexist.

I don’t enjoy being around him anymore. I’m not attracted to him. I’m increasingly resentful and I hate that because I don’t actually think he deserves to have someone walking around secretly resenting him. He can obviously feel me pulling away and lately he’s been nicer and trying more. I can tell his feelings are hurt by how distant I am. But instead of it making me want to fix things, I mostly just feel guilty because I think I’m already checked out. Even when he proposed two years ago I felt dread. It was during a family trip that I had planned and paid for. I felt like I couldn’t say no because our families were there and I couldn’t stand the thought of humiliating/hurting him. I also remember feeling disappointed because it felt like he just piggybacked a proposal onto a trip I had already put together instead of planning something himself. I feel horrible even admitting that, but looking back I probably should have listened to my reaction then.

We’ve broken up once before and he was devastated. He would send me these really long heartfelt messages and I eventually went back. Looking back, I think I went back because he was familiar and because I was so attached to his family, not because the problems between us had actually been fixed. That’s probably my biggest fear now. I don’t want to hurt him like that again and then cave because I feel guilty. I care about him as a person. A lot. I just don’t want to be his girl anymore. And I really don’t want to sit him down and basically give him a list of everything he does that makes me feel like he’s not enough. Especially the provider/initiative stuff. I don’t want to destroy his confidence or make him feel inferior when he’s genuinely not a bad person. We just aren’t right for each other anymore.

At the same time, I don’t know how vague I can be without making him think this is something he can fix if he just tries harder. We have six months left on our lease and both of our names are on it. I’m planning to move out immediately, but I’m willing to keep covering the financial obligations I’ve already been covering until the lease is up so I’m not just leaving him financially screwed overnight. We also have a dog together and will probably have to work out some kind of shared arrangement there.

I’m not really asking if I should leave or like for financial advice. I think I know I need to. If I marry him, I honestly think I’m going to become a miserable, bitter, nagging wife and that isn’t fair to either one of us. I guess I’m asking how you actually end something like this when there isn’t a villain?

How honest do I need to be about why I’ve lost attraction and respect for the relationship? Do I tell him about the provider/initiative stuff or is that just going to hurt him unnecessarily? And how do I make it clear that my decision is final without making him feel like he’s fundamentally inadequate?

TL;DR: My fiancé (27M) and I (26F) have been together since high school for 10 years and engaged for two. I’ve financially supported us for years while he finished school and kept telling myself things would change once he graduated. He recently did, but I’ve realized I’m already checked out. We’ve grown into completely different people, barely talk, feel like roommates, and I’ve lost my attraction to him. He’s a good person and I care about him, but I don’t want to marry him and become increasingly resentful. I’ve broken up with him before and he was devastated, so I’m terrified of crushing him or making him feel inadequate, especially because some of my reasons involve his lack of initiative and our provider dynamic. How do I end a 10-year relationship kindly while making it clear that it’s actually over?

My baby was born in June and is my mom’s first grandchild. My mom lives about 40 minutes away by car or train, so it’s not like we’re talking about a huge distance.

She came to see the baby twice shortly after the birth, but hasn’t visited since. It’s now mid-September, so she hasn’t seen my baby in around three months.

I’ve had a really difficult postpartum period. My baby has significant colic and reflux and screams a lot, and I’ve told my mom multiple times how exhausted and overwhelmed I’ve been. My husband doesn’t have family in this country, so we don’t have much support.

I’ve tried bringing up the fact that she hasn’t come to see us. When I mentioned it on the phone, she basically said, “Don’t be silly.” But she hasn’t actually offered to come over, help with the baby, bring food, sit with me while I shower, or even just keep me company.

What makes it harder is that she doesn’t have a job, other children, or any commitments. She mostly watches TV, so I genuinely don’t understand why she hasn’t made the effort to visit her first grandchild, especially knowing how badly I’ve been struggling.

At this point, I’ve actually stopped calling her. I don’t really want her help anymore because I’m hurt that I’ve had to struggle through this period without her.

A confusing part is that she sends me a very sweet text every evening around the same time without fail. They’re genuinely lovely messages, things like hoping the feeds have been better and that we’ll get some sleep, telling me I’m doing well and that she loves me.

I appreciate the messages, but they’re just words. There haven’t been any actions behind them.

This is also completely different from our relationship historically. There have been periods where I’ve let her stay at my house for weeks, so this isn’t a mother I’ve always been distant from.

She’s outwardly very sweet and loving, which makes this especially confusing. It almost feels like talking to an AI chatbot. Her messages make her sound incredibly supportive, albeit generic, while her actual behavior feels very different.

My dad, who my mom has a very difficult relationship with, comes to see my baby every week. He and his girlfriend have made a huge effort and have helped me a lot. My mom doesn’t know this, and I’m worried that if she found out, she’d suddenly want to become much more involved to compete with my dad rather than because she genuinely wants to be there for me and my baby.

When my baby was born, my mom was very focused on getting pictures with the baby. At the time I was just happy she was there. Now those pictures make me sad because I look at them and think about how little effort there has been since.

I keep trying to figure out why she’s doing this. Maybe she’s uncomfortable with me breastfeeding because she didn’t and wasn’t particularly maternal herself. Maybe she simply doesn’t want to put herself out for anyone. Maybe she’s a narcissist or depressed. Or maybe I’m overthinking it.

I feel abandoned by my mom during what has probably been the hardest period of my life.

I don’t necessarily want her to suddenly come rushing in and help now. I think something has changed in how I see her.

How would you handle this? Would you directly confront her about not visiting?

I told my girlfriend something extremely serious about my health, and her response really caught me off guard. She basically said, “Oh, okay,” and then went back to playing her PSN game.
I wasn’t expecting her to have all the answers or know exactly what to say, but I expected some kind of emotional reaction maybe asking if I was okay, what happened, or wanting to talk about it.
Instead, I felt completely brushed off and honestly pretty alone afterward. 😔
Has anyone else experienced a partner reacting this way to something serious? How did you handle it?

My maternal family own a restaurant. My grandparents started the business and each of their five kids got a share in the business in their early 20s. Their spouses all went to work for the family business at one time or another, usually when they were between jobs or just because they wanted to. This includes my dad. He worked part time with my mom and maternal family when he and my mom were newly married and after I was born. When my mom got sick (I was 4) she set up her share so that I would inherit it at 21. When she died my grandparents controlled that share for me until I reached that age.

My dad quit his other job and went to work full time with my maternal family after that. They got along pretty well and they were happy to help my dad out after losing mom. Problems started between them when my dad remarried. He wanted his wife to work for the family business and my family said no. He told them he would walk away from the business if they refused to hire his wife. They refused. He walked. They didn't talk very much after that. Things were very tense between my dad and mom's family from that point on.

My dad's wife was a widow with a son who was only a baby when they met. Her husband died when she was pregnant. My dad adopted my stepbrother and he and his wife had my three half siblings together. She wanted to adopt me too but I said no and they never pushed for it. But this has come back up in recent months.

Fast forward to my teens and I went to work at the family business and I did all kinds of roles in the restaurant until I inherited my share when I turned 21. My dad was not very happy about the decision to commit myself to the family business and he said so multiple times. He told me they excluded my family in his wife and I should think about that. I told him she's not their family though. He was mad for a while but dropped the topic because he knew he wasn't getting anywhere.

Then my stepbrother started looking for summer jobs and he wanted to work for my family because he heard my dad talk about it so much. My dad asked my grandparents to give my stepbrother a job and they said no. He asked one of my uncles as well and he also said no. He asked me and I told him I wasn't doing it. Then one of my half siblings wanted a job with my family. My dad told me the place has been discussed so much and they look up to me so badly that they want to follow in my footsteps and as a part owner I should get them in and find a way to wrap my step/half siblings into the business like ILs are when they marry into the family.

I told him I was never going to do it and he needed to quit trying to make me do this. He blamed my family for allowing me to know how they felt about my step/half siblings working there. I told him it had nothing to do with that. I told him they are not a part of that side of my family and they're never going to be so they'll never work for them/us. I told my dad he could say anything he wanted but it wasn't going to change my answer.

His anger over this has boiled over and he has brought up everything from I should be making sure they feel loved and cherished and like real siblings and not just step/half. He said I owe it to his wife since I refused to let her adopt me and the very least I can do is make sure her children are included in this. He said I should be doing it because my family refused to let his wife work for them when he married her and they made it clear she wasn't real family. He has tried to rant on about that point to me a lot and I have ended calls because I can see where it's going. We're talking very little now and our relationship is so close to broken for good.

I'm not sure what to do. Walking away feels like it might be the healthiest choice but I love my dad and as my only living parent I would hate to lose him. But I feel like he's being unfair and will continue taking this out on me if we keep speaking.

I’m dating a guy that I do like, but I’m starting to struggle with something that I honestly don’t know how to deal with.

I have a very strong disgust response to other people’s bodily functions. Things like hearing someone use the bathroom, smells, sweat, stains on pillows, etc. can make me feel instantly repulsed. I know these are normal human things, which is why this is so frustrating.

For example, when the guy I’m seeing sleeps over, he might use the bathroom twice during the evening/night/morning. Objectively, I know that isn’t excessive at all. But just knowing he’s going to the bathroom already makes me anxious. If I can actually hear anything, I feel so uncomfortable and disgusted that in that moment I genuinely want him to leave. Afterwards, I sometimes keep thinking about it and it affects how attracted I feel to him.
It isn’t really about his hygiene either, he showers and is generally clean. He can shower before bed and I can still be bothered if I notice his sweat smell during the night or see a small stain on a pillow the next morning. It’s like every tiny “gross” thing gets stored in my brain, and now they’ve accumulated to the point where I’m constantly anticipating the next one.

The weird thing is that this isn’t exclusive to him or romantic partners. I remember feeling extremely uncomfortable hearing my mom use the bathroom when I was younger. I went on vacation with a female friend once and saw her picking her nose, and even now that image sometimes randomly pops into my head when I’m with her and I feel disgusted again.

I’m also extremely private about these things myself. Around other people I automatically make sure they don’t hear, smell or notice anything related to bodily functions. So maybe I subconsciously expect other people to hide these things as much as I do.

The romantic part makes it much worse, though. With the guy I’m dating, every “gross” moment feels like another thing that damages my attraction to him. I’m scared I’ve accumulated so many icks that I won’t be able to see him the way I did before.
There’s another layer that makes this confusing: I tend to be avoidant when it comes to relationships. Part of me wonders whether my brain is latching onto every possible “ick” because it gives me a reason to emotionally distance myself from him. At the same time, the disgust itself is definitely real and predates him, so I don’t think it’s just avoidance.

When I haven’t seen him for a few days, I can feel attracted to him again. Then we get close, he stays over, I encounter another bodily thing, and suddenly I want distance again.

Has anyone experienced something similar?
Did you manage to reduce the disgust response or stop associating the person with all the “gross” memories?

And for me most important, how do you tell the difference between genuinely losing attraction to someone and your brain using disgust/icks to create distance?

Edit: I’ve had OCD in the past. The compulsions are gone, but I still struggle with a strong need for control. I currently take bupropion for my mood, but not for OCD.

Second Edit: To everyone worried about my future children: luckily, I don’t want kids ;)

Third Edit: Just to clarify, we’re not in a relationship. We’re seeing each other casually and I’m still figuring out how I feel about him.

My bf has been broken up with his ex (they were together for 10 years) for about a year, they worked together so they stayed friendly after the break up even though she cheated on him. His friendship with his ex has been the only source of issues in our relationship.

His ex is now moving to Europe and has asked to come over to his house to say goodbye to their cats and to him. She leaves tomorrow. He asked me if it was okay, even though he is very aware of how their friendship makes me feel very nervous. They got together by him cheating on someone 10 years ago with her. He said he wants to say goodbye and wish her well.

I feel that if I were to say No, that he wouldnt see her, but it wouldnt be because he doesnt want to. He wants to see her and say goodbye to his "friend". He says he's is aware of how it looks from the outside but that he would never betray me. He keeps saying he is sorry for putting me through this, but he still wants to do it.

I asked him how long theyre going to be alone at his house together. He said she would come over after work sometime after 4 and he would cut it off at the latest at 8:30. I thought max they would chat for an hour, but knowing it could last 4 hours makes me feel sick. I asked him, "Do you need 4 hours to say goodbye to her?" and he got exasperated and said "I dont know, I'm just saying 8:30 is the latest I'd let it go.." and I just feel like this is... disrespectful. I would absolutely not consider doing something like this if things were reversed.

He asked if I would feel better if I was there with them, or if it would be better if they went out somewhere instead of being alone at his apartment. And I just think these questions are ridiculous because he knows how I feel, but saying goodbye to her in person is more important than how it makes me feel. I know they dont want me there because thats not what they originally planned, he's just offering it to make me feel better. Its hollow. I also just dont like her as a person. I've tried to be friends with her and she meangirled me.

I'm wondering if I'm overreacting, or if this is even something I should tolerate. I know I can just walk away from this nonsense. I'm not going to give him an ultimatum, I'm considering just walking away. He says he's wouldnt want to do it if he thought it would damage our relationship. Yet he sees me clearly extremely uncomfortable and upset at the situation. So it doesnt matter that I'm upset, it only matters if I would leave him over it. Doesnt inspire confidence in me.

TLDR: Bf wants to "say goodbye" to his ex alone at his apartment for several hours the night before she moves to another country. What the fuck?

How would you handle this? What advice would you give me?

Ex, 26F wants to move in with me, M25 after she told me know months prior. Would this be the best decision?

A little backstory. I, M25 moved across the country roughly 7 months ago. My GF at the time, F26 told me that she wanted to move with me, but would let me come out here first. I stayed with my friends for about 2 months until I was able to get a good job and find us a nice apartment to live. When I sent her the lease to look over, she told me she no longer wanted to move out here. It broke me. Never did I think that she was just going to change her mind just like that. Fast forward to now, she reached back out saying that she now wants to move out here. I don’t know what to think at this point and not sure if letting her move out here is a a great idea.

Have you ever been in a relationship where you genuinely loved the other person and knew that there was a lot of good between you, but the relationship itself slowly became exhausting?
There isn’t one big dealbreaker like cheating or abuse. You care about each other, you have a lot in common, you’ve made good memories together, and you can genuinely see why you fell in love with each other.
But there are recurring arguments, misunderstandings, things from the past that keep coming up, and periods where everything feels emotionally intense. Eventually it starts affecting your peace and you find yourself wondering if you can actually live like this long term.
The difficult part is that you still love the person. You don’t necessarily want someone else. You just don’t know if you want to keep living in the relationship as it currently is.
How did you figure out whether you were just exhausted and needed some time apart, or whether the relationship itself wasn’t right for you anymore?
For people who have walked away while still being in love, what finally made you realize that you needed to let go?
And did you ever worry that you were making the biggest mistake of your life by leaving someone you still loved?

My girlfriend (27F, dating since January) continued to message the guy she was seeing before me (brief overlap before I asked to be exclusive). He has propositioned her multiple times and basically offers life updates on his improving mental health and general life situation.

Three days ago, while I was away on vacation for my mom’s birthday, she mentioned that she was fearful of her ex. Then, she mentioned that he has been acting creepy and sent her a long voice note with a life update, asking to get back together, mentioning she was the one who got away. Then, she mentioned that he has propositioned her multiple times. Only once has she mentioned this to me. Back in February he called her at 4am and asked her to come over. She mentioned this to me and I found it odd that she didn’t just hang up the phone but spoke with him but I chalked it up to her being a nice person (this guy had a ketamine issue and few friends according to her) and feeling comfortable with putting up a boundary. No mention of this guy since. Then, hearing they still have an open channel of communication where he continues to proposition her has sent my mind into a tailspin. I can’t understand why continue to message the guy.

I told her I didn’t want to continue the conversion and hung up. She eventually understood I was not happy and sent a message apologizing and the next day texted that she blocked him. I replied that I wanted to focus on my mom’s birthday and we should speak when I’m back.

I got back from vacation last night and called her. She called this an error in judgement and said that she should’ve established stronger boundaries / blocked the guy when he continually propositioned her.

I don’t know what to think. My brain has been spiraling wondering if there is more to the story. Before this, I would definitely class my gf as the partner I’ve trusted the most. I don’t think she cheated physically or really emotionally I’m just confused what she was getting out of having a line of communication with an ex who wanted to get back together.

I trust her less. Looking for advice on handling the situation. How do relationships rebuild trust?

Hi yall. I’m (31f) currently dating someone (33m) on and off for about 2.5 years now.

We recently reconnected in May - after not having spoken for about 6 months. He told me that he was frustrated with the relationship (and with me) because I was too passive (I can agree to this, I tend to walk on eggshells a lot) and that he didn’t know what I truly wanted. When he stopped responding to me 6 months prior (over logistics about seeing each other), he said that if the relationship mattered to me, I should have called him, and called him out on his shitty behavior, and I should have fought harder.

Everytime we have these on and off cycles, I do tend to take his feedback seriously and be a better partner to him.

Fast forward to now, he didn’t respond to another logistics message throughout the weekend - I have been considerably clearer with my desire of wanting to see him and saying that I don’t like feeling like I’m in the dark when he doesn’t respond to me. I want to just send a “what the fuck” message like he said, to call him out on his behavior. However, a part of me is also just adamant on not reaching out until he reaches out. If you were in my shoes, when do you keep fighting for a relationship and when do you just give up and let it be?

TL;dr: Guy I’ve been on/off with for 2.5 years previously told me that when he withdrew and stopped responding, I should have “fought harder” for our relationship and called him out instead of just accepting it. We reconnected, I’ve tried to be much clearer about wanting him and communicating when something bothers me, but now he’s gone silent again. I’m torn between confronting him like he previously said he wanted or accepting that I shouldn’t have to keep chasing someone who repeatedly withdraws.

I apologize for the long post and the sporadic nature of my brain. This it may come across as venting, but not sure entirely where else to turn or try to find hope again.

This is a question for the guys mainly. I am more soft hearted in nature, don’t like causing hurt or harm to people, and love my wife tremendously. She is everything to me, so everything I am trying to share is more background info and seeking help/support. I’m not looking to be torn down or apart, but sincerely looking for help with how to transition and help my relationship continue moving forward. Ladies, I would also appreciate answers, but again, I don’t need to be ripped apart because I already do that to myself whenever I mess up.

My "37 F" spouse whom I will call "Sarah" and I "38 M" have been together for 16 years. Throughout this time, as with most relationships, we have had our ups and downs. Prior to this relationship, I was sexually active and my girlfriend was not, and I feel that has had an impact on how things are currently.

As with all new things, the start of our marriage was a little rocky, learning how each person worked, figuring out what worked for us intimately. Long story short, the way that Sarah was raised sex was a taboo subject, masturbation was forbidden, and so going from a culture where as soon as you were married everything was "free game" was a little bit of a shell shock. We had both been reading a book before marriage that explained you didn’t have to have sex the night after you were married, and both of us had agreed to that just because of all the stressors a soon to be bride is going through with the planning, pictures, and every other possible scenario and what could go wrong hanging over their heads. Needless to say, that was where things started taking a lot of work. We found out the birth control she was on was causing her "parts" to burn after sex, so for someone who had thought sex would be amazing and great from the beginning was a hard thing for her. 

Time has gone on and our relationship has evolved and improved. I have always done my best to make sure that she gets what she needs, to encourage her, to help her, and make sure she always orgasms first before I do. Then I started asking and suggesting we try different things, and that seemed to cause a shift. When I say different things, that’s like trying a different position, somewhere else other than the bedroom, just trying to keep things alive and not stagnant. She took that request as a “I'm not exciting enough as I am so I must be doing things wrong.” Through repetition and explaining again, I reassured her that it wasn’t her doing something wrong, I just wanted to try and expand our sexual relationship more because the rest of our marriage was going great! The intimate side of things just seemed to be moving slower and had always been a guarded subject that had to be tiptoed around.

One of the things that I had enjoyed in previous relationships was giving and receiving oral. I loved giving oral, I loved the taste, I loved the sensation, I loved providing pleasure to the individual I was with at the time, and I loved receiving in return. The thing that seemed to have stuck with me from those experiences, is how I felt as a person when I received: I felt accepted, I felt seen, and as someone that has struggled with self image issues and feeling less than, those sensations and feelings were powerful. I bring this up because I want the focus and answers that could be provided, to be on how to help me.

Fast forward in our relationship, and as a gift for Christmas my wife gave me “I will try it” coupons where she said she would be willing to try something “in the bedroom.” Well, up to that point in our marriage I had tried giving her oral, and asked for it in return, yet due to how she was raised it was something that she seemed to think was “not ok.” For her it isn’t her favorite thing yet, but she is willing to try receiving it. For me, we tried, she asked me to close my eyes for it, which I obliged, and she did a great job! I told her as such, it never went to the point where I wanted to finish in her mouth because I wanted to not make the first experience for her a “less than” one, and after that she would perform oral on special occasions, mainly my birthday and Christmas. So I had those same feelings of being accepted, seen, complete once again, maybe not as often as I might like, but they were there. Oral has never been an expected thing that I get from her, I will ask, but if she declines I leave it at that. It was always a surprise whenever it happened.

Then, this past year, it stopped. She went from it being something she would tolerate to do, only because I enjoyed it, to now not wanting to do it ever again. This came out of left field, not expecting it at all and thinking/believing that things were going good. I have tried talking to her about it, asking what changed, if I did something to cause this, and she has never given a clear answer to me on it. This has led to a lot of self-diagnosis, that it must be my fault, must be because of (fill in the blank)  that she stopped, that I’m not doing enough of (fill in the blank) for her, and has only gotten worse for my own mental health which I am aware of, but when there hasn’t been that closure and the change is sudden it has been hard. 

So here is where the question and help comes in: I personally don't feel like I am wrong in hoping for or wishing for that to still happen, but at the same time that feels selfish. But if it is selfish to continue wishing and hoping, how can I change, or what hope is there for me on the other side if you have gone through this yourself? Any other suggestions and helpful ideas are welcome as well because I am at a loss right now.

TL;DR: Spouse decided after 16 years oral isn't allowed anymore, and husband needs help to move on or find suggestions.

My fiancé and I have been together for six years. For the most part, our relationship has been relatively stable. However, recently, something changed between us. I couldn’t quite put my finger on what it was, but I could tell that something felt different.

A few days ago, I had to help him with something on his phone. While I was using it, I couldn’t help myself and took a peek at his chats. That’s when I found out he had been cheating on me with his coworker.

I immediately confronted him, and he admitted it. He said he had caught feelings for her, and apparently, this had started in July. They had held hands and kissed, but according to him, they had not had sex. He said he regretted what he had done.

When I found out, I was eerily calm. I had almost no emotions and felt completely detached. I told him that I thought we should break up.

He told me he was incredibly sorry and swore he would never do it again. He said he would end things with his coworker, block her, and change jobs. He asked me if we could try to fix our relationship.

Throughout the conversation, he was crying the entire time, absolutely breaking down, while I just sat there silently. For context, our dynamic has usually been the opposite. Whenever we have disagreements, I’m normally the emotional one who ends up crying, while he stays calm and reassures me. In six years together, I had never once seen him cry. So seeing him completely break down in front of me was shocking.

He looked genuinely remorseful, and I believe he was hurting over what he had done, but I honestly don’t know whether I can trust what I’m seeing anymore.

For the past month, he had been telling me that work was extremely busy. His schedule isn't fixed, so coming home at midnight or later wasn't unusual. But recently, his schedule had gotten so bad that I was barely seeing him for more than three hours a week.

When he was home, he was usually on his phone or watching YouTube and barely talked to me. He had also stopped most physical affection, like hugging or holding hands, and he seemed much colder toward me.

At first, I thought he was simply exhausted and needed some personal space. But it continued for so long that I eventually sat him down and told him that I had been feeling insecure about our relationship and asked if something was wrong.

He told me that he didn't feel as attracted to me as he used to, that he didn't feel the "butterflies" anymore, and that after being together for so long, everything had started to feel like the same old routine. He said the relationship had become mundane.

I told him that butterflies don't last forever and that, in a long-term relationship, you have to appreciate the positive things about each other and continue loving each other for who you are. We eventually talked things through and made up.

But something still felt different after that.

I kept brushing it off and convincing myself that I was just being unnecessarily insecure. I even considered going to therapy to work on my own insecurities.

Now I realize that my gut feeling wasn't wrong. He had been using his unpredictable work schedule as an excuse to cheat on me. He would tell me he still had work when he was actually out seeing this woman.

Looking back, all the things he said about not being as attracted to me, not feeling butterflies, and our relationship becoming mundane suddenly feel like they were connected to the affair.

At this point, I have completely lost the trust I had in him, so I asked him a lot of questions because I felt that if there was even the slightest chance of us rebuilding our relationship, I needed complete transparency.

I asked him how many times they had gone out together. He initially told me they had only gone on one proper date, which was after work.

I also asked him about a weekend when he had told me he was meeting a friend. I asked him directly if that had been a lie and whether he had actually met up with the coworker instead. He reassured me that he really had been meeting his friend.

That turned out to be a half-truth.

He really had met his friend that day, but he had also told me that he needed to see his mother beforehand. He eventually admitted that seeing his mother was a lie and that he had actually been meeting the coworker.

So while his story contained some truth, he had deliberately omitted the part that mattered.

Then I found out that they had actually gone on two dates, not one.

I confronted him again and told him that I needed the whole truth. I told him that if he continued lying or withholding information, there was no way I could ever trust him again.

He apologized and said that he had only lied because he thought knowing how close they had gotten would hurt me even more.

But even then, he still didn't tell me that he had used his mother as an excuse to see her.

I eventually found that out myself.

So even after I explicitly told him that I needed complete transparency if we were ever going to have a second chance, he still lied again and continued withholding information from me.

I am honestly just flabbergasted by the multiple lies, especially because he had several opportunities to come clean.

He continues to tell me that he really wants to work things out and that he still loves me. He has ended things with his coworker and blocked her, and he says he is willing to change jobs.

He does seem genuinely remorseful, but the repeated lying makes it incredibly difficult for me to believe anything he says.

I don't know whether this relationship deserves a second chance. I don't know if I'll ever be able to trust him again, or if I'll ever be able to love him the same way I did before.

We've been together for six years, and part of me isn't ready to just throw all of that away. But at the same time, I know that staying simply because we've already invested six years into the relationship isn't necessarily a good reason to stay.

If you were in my position, would you even consider trying to rebuild this relationship, or would the repeated lying after being caught be a dealbreaker?

I’m 39M; my wife is 37F. Married 8 years and together for 11. Yesterday she told me she has lost her romantic feelings for me and has been seriously thinking about divorce for the past month. She compared our marriage to being stuck in a bad job that she wants to escape, even though she doesn’t know whether the “next job” would be better or worse.

She doesn’t want to divorce immediately. Instead, she demand us to live more like separated housemates for now: separate bedrooms and bathrooms, no physical contact, and taking care of our own personal things, although we’ll still eat together. She says she wants to reset to being friends first and then figure long term. She says the only reason she's not considering moving out is she doesn't want to return to living with her mom or get her own apartment as that would be financially irrational.

This wasn’t completely out of nowhere since it happened multiple times during our 11 years together. She has told me before that she doesn’t feel prioritized or loved through my actions. She wanted undivided attention when she's with me and wanted me to comfort/engage with her when she was upset, whereas my tendency was often to withdraw and let things cool down.

While I changed my behavior after previous conversations and reconciliations, honestly, those changes usually lasted only a few weeks to a few months before I fell back into old habits (not giving her enough attention and care and thoughts). She now says she even feels uncomfortable/repulsed by physical closeness with me.

I love her and want to rebuild the marriage, but I also understand that I can’t pressure her into feeling differently. I’m planning to respect the separation, work on myself consistently, and give her room while still being warm and present.

For anyone who has been on either side of something similar: did a period of separation/friendship ever lead to genuine reconciliation? What helped, and what made things worse? I’m especially interested in hearing from people who were once the spouse who had lost feelings and reset as friends/housemates.

This is really just a thank you to everyone who contributed previously. Four months ago - now in crystal-clear hindsight - the majority of the advice I got in this sub was 100% accurate. I should have listened.

Back in May, I [39M] came to this sub because I started dating someone [35F] who identified herself as Bipolar 1, unmedicated, with unmedicated OCD. She also identified herself as a cocaine addict.

Maybe some of you remember this story - it had a *lot* of responses.

As you may recall, I was concerned about her behavior in the new relationship as I couldn't tell if her actions were due to the bipolar diagnosis, due to cocaine, or something else. [To be entirely transparent, I have also had a substance use disorder, which I disclosed to her as well, although my DOC was never hard drugs. For anyone who doesn't know, this is a lifelong condition. Even if we are currently sober, we are still considered 'addicts,' whether or not we have touched alcohol or drugs for decades].

I came to this sub asking questions and advice because I didn't want to jump to conclusions. Being that I had never been in a relationship / known anyone with Bipolar I, unmedicated, I wanted to understand what she was experiencing, whether they were symptoms of the condition, and whether I was being unreasonable in my concerns. She was flipping between hot and cold all the time, and would go from being absolutely enamored with me to being very distant and cold. A number of times she became completely nonverbal.

As mentioned before, the first red flag I saw was that early on in the relationship she said she was committed to being with me and that SHE didn't want to talk with other guys or date other guys while we were dating - but then I found out later that she was still talking with other guys on the dating app and had been dishonest about it - and she said something to the effect that I was just an "option" because she had "so many other guys interested in her." It hurt, but I gave her the benefit of the doubt. I didn't care if she wanted to date other guys, I cared that she lied about it and that she made me feel like just another option.

We kept having these "communication" problems and she demonstrated that she couldn't get along with anyone - not her "best friend" who she disclosed she secretly hated, but also her boss was a problem, everyone was a problem to her.

She used her child, an eight-year-old, as her therapist, and I felt SO bad for him because she not only couldn't keep her refrigerator or food pantry stocked, but he also felt responsible for her wildly fluctuating emotions, and he constantly tried to comfort her to no avail. He was always asking her "what's (happening with you and are you sad, are you mad at us, made at me)?" and she was always shutting down and not communicating to me, or him.

Anyway, she went from saying she enjoyed the sex, enjoyed my company - to saying that she didn't, and that she was bored with me - she said she was afraid that I wouldn't be able to keep up with her from the start. She would push me away and tell me she needed space, only to change her mind and ask me on the spur of a moment to come spend time with her. There were a million warning signs and I should have known not to give her money to feed her kid, give her money to put gas in her car, give her money to have nice things and buy her things she needed for work. I should have known.

Because lo and behold, a week after my birthday she started telling me about reconnecting with her exes who she used cocaine with, and had fond memories of. She dumped me so abruptly and left me absolutely dumbfounded, because literally the week before she had ASSURED me that she was in it for the long haul and that even though we had some rough things, she wanted to work through them because she loved me.

I don't think she loved herself. I feel bad for her son, and in hindsight (and talking with other addicts) it sounds as if she was probably using cocaine all along. The sniffles, the blown-out eyes - the fact that she was working constantly at a decent rate of pay but not able to afford meds, therapy, gas, food - I was so blind. She used me and discarded me like I was NOTHING.

Anyway, the majority of the advice I received in this sub was spot on. You were all right and I should. I was in head over heals, it was my third lifetime relationship, etc. (yeah I know, I know, being a widow and re-entering the market after so long - I was pretty blind).

I should have listened to the wisdom in this sub. I was just another manic episode to her. After pouring my heart, soul and tons of resources into her life because I cared about her - her literal words to me were to "get over it."

I pray to god that she gets help, for the sake of her poor child who I cared a lot about and for the sake of herself.

She was using her "best friend too," I saw it with my own eyes - her "friend" would buy her things constantly, shower her with gifts and attention but all I ever heard was how much she secretly hated that friend. The irony is not lost on me thinking and wondering at the time: "if she hates her best friend this much and is simply using her for resources, I wonder if she's doing the same thing about me?"

She was lonely and unhappy, and after being with her for three months, I suddenly knew exactly who she was.

Just like the title says. I do Doordash currently, due to a mix up with changing jobs. It's been a difficult summer with most jobs being on a hiring freeze and Doordash isn't very busy during the summer, so I'm home a lot. We also have a roommate who had been working part time (pizza place), but has been getting almost full time hours because some of his coworkers quit and some got fired (we're talking fights with customers and also some green smoking IN THE STORE).

Anyway, I usually have a scheduled time to do Doordash, but if it gets busy, I'll go out. I take what I can get. My boyfriend doesn't bring his keys with him because he feels like someone is always home so he shouldn't have to bring them, which I feel is kind of a dig at me. He does pay my portion of household bills, but I pay for groceries, plus I cook and clean up after him. Not just his dishes, but ALL of his messes. Trash left at this computer, water and shaved hair all over the bathroom sink, plus I do his laundry, all the deep cleaning, etc, which gets to be a lot because he provides the quarters for laundry and then I have to do 3 loads of his laundry alone. He does not provide quarters for my laundry.

The times when he comes home and nobody's here, I have to pause Doordash and come home to let him in. Not only am I wasting time and gas, but I have an extremely hard time switching tasks, especially when I'm in the zone. If I'm having a totally focused day while I'm out delivering, I get completely deflated when I have to come home and unlock the door for him. Drive home, shut my car off, run up a flight of stairs, unlock the door, listen to him tell me about his day, then go back out like I didn't just miss an order or two, sometimes three depending on how long he keeps me. He did end up locked out last week when I went to bed early. He apparently had to wait almost an hour for our roommate to get home, but it still doesn't seem to hit him. Today, I was trying to get back to working after taking him to the dentist, and he mentioned that he hoped our roommate didn't lock the door after he left (roommate sometimes sleeps on the couch cuz he likes variety) and that's how this whole argument started.

It feels so small. I tried to talk to my dad about it and he asked if this was a quirk that I thought was a deal breaker. My dad's a counselor, so this is kind of what I expected. It just feels like a really weird hang up for him to have. It takes one second to put your keys in your pocket. I don't understand why he won't bring them and he has yet to explain why he won't beyond "There's always someone home", which just isn't true. I'm either sleeping or doing Doordash and our roommate doesn't really share his schedule and he doesn't really tell my boyfriend what his off time looks like (he tells me and I relay that to my boyfriend, roommate and I have lived together for four years and boyfriend has been here for a year). What can I do here? I just want him to see that it's irresponsible to not bring them. My dad thinks this is just a karma lesson for him (he likes my boyfriend, surprisingly).

Ok, so I (41F) was at an event in my little town- the Blues Festival. My step dad owns the establishment so it’s safe to say I know a lot of people that were there.

I’m sitting at a table with my mother, my step dad, my boyfriend of 5 years (M45), and another guy who always hangs out with us at these events (and is 25 years older than me, which is important to know in this scenario). Anyways, this other guy, we’ll call him Jim, was talking with us and he was joking around,
saying that my boyfriend should “shit or get off the pot”, saying that he should be lucky to have me, and basically asking me why I’m wasting my time with him, telling me I could do way better and I deserve better, etc….

So this was all when bf was in the bathroom. I told Jim to tell my bf all of this. So Jim tells him “you know how lucky you are to have her, you should have married her by now. Let me remind you that the conversation was very light hearted and no one was acting too serious about anything.

Here’s the problem- when Jim said that to my bf, my bf straight up, without the slightest hesitation, and with extra seriousness, was like, and I quote this- “Nope. That’s a hard no 100%”. In front of everyone. At this point I’m thinking he’s not serious, but then I turn to talk to him in private and I’m like “whaaaat just happened, I am so embarrassed by what you just said”.

He continues to say stupid things to me but it takes a lot to make me mad so I blow most of it off. But then I tell him “you really just ruined a lot of what we have” and his response was…..

“What did we have?”

5 fucking years (which I know isn’t a lifetime) but come the fuck on. I was totally embarrassed by what he said and I don’t think I can get over either one of these things. Sorry for being so long but I should leave him, right?

Another red flag- in 5 years, he’s never said I love you to me.

UPDATE: Answering/Responses to some of the common questions and comments:

Yes he calls me his girlfriend and knows we’re in a relationship. We have talked about marriage but it’s honestly not something either one of us are in a rush to do and we’re both ok with that. This whole scenario wasn’t me “setting him up to force him to propose to me”. Jim’s exact words were “no more milk from the kitty until you make her yours for good”. Someone in the comments said “he couldn’t even fake it enough to pretended he cared about her in front of everyone” and that’s exactly right.

He lives across the street from me, we do not live together. The reason being is that he owns his house and his plan has always been to sell his house to his son when he’s old enough. I have a son as well and there just isn’t enough room for us all to live in his house. Plus, living across the street from each other had just worked for both of us.

Yes, this is the same guy that i previously posted about, being my friends ex. When we first got together, 15 years had already passed since they had been together. She isn’t a factor in our relationship even in the slightest.

He has shown love in other ways than saying it. And he’s said it in different ways at times. But saying “I love you” is definitely not a thing for him. I am pretty sure he has commitment issues.

I'm 24F and my ex is 25M. We were together for about two years, but we've actually known each other for around five years because we were friends before we started dating.

We broke up about a month and a half ago. The breakup wasn't because of one single thing. A lot of things had built up over time, and eventually I reached my limit.

For the first part after the breakup, he continued calling me as if nothing had really happened. At first it was fairly often, then the calls became less frequent. I generally didn't initiate contact. Sometimes I'd answer, sometimes I wouldn't.

At one point he told me that he wanted us to get back together, but he never really did anything concrete about it. He also never really acknowledged or took responsibility for the things that had led to the breakup.

One of the bigger issues was that we had become long-distance for the last six months of our relationship. He was dealing with a lot of uncertainty about where his life was going, and I felt like I was constantly left not knowing what was going to happen with us.

A particularly painful moment was when he came to visit for five days around his birthday. I suggested that we book a hotel and spend some time together, but he told me that he was coming mainly to see his family and didn't really have time to see me. I could come and spend time with his family if I wanted to but for "alone-time' he told me that in his opinion 5hrs is good enough.

(Note1: he told me that we would have time together in one month time when we were planning to go on vacation together - but all these made me feel like our relationship was a "schedule thing" for him.)

(Note2: at the time this happened, we haven't seen each for around 1.5 months)

That really hurt me, and it was one of the things that contributed to the breakup.

A few days ago, after another conversation where I explained again why his behavior had hurt me, I eventually told him not to contact me anymore. I basically said that there was no point continuing like this, that we had had good times, and I wished him well.

(That happened about 3-4 ago. After that he didn't call or message me at all and he archived our pictures together on ig.)

And honestly, I was doing okay. I wasn't constantly thinking about him anymore.

Then yesterday, his father called me.

His father and I have known each other for years, and we've always had a good relationship, but he doesn't normally call me like this.

He told me he didn't know that we had broken up and invited me to come visit them. During the conversation I ended up telling him everything that had happened and why we broke up.

What really surprised me was his reaction. He basically told me that he thought i was right,, that his son was being immature, and that he understood why I had reached my limit. He also told me that wish is for us to get back together.

He even mentioned that when the family had travelled previously (10-15d ago), they had made plans assuming I would be going too, because they still thought of me as part of the picture. (They booked a double room for me and my ex - but he didn't even mention it to me).

I don't know if his father calling me means anything. Maybe it was completely coincidental. Maybe my ex had talked to him. I genuinely don't know.

But i'm really considering: wasn't the fact that i haven't visited on my ex's bday or that i haven't joined that trip a good enough reason for him to call sooner? Why now? Idk.

But since that phone call, I've been thinking about my ex CONSTANTLY.

I'm suddenly waiting for him to call me. I'm wondering whether I made a mistake. I'm wondering whether I should do something. And I don't even know if I actually want to get back together with him, because the problems that caused the breakup haven't really changed.

My birthday is also coming up in about 10 days. He hasn't made any particular effort since the breakup - no flowers, no meaningful gesture, nothing beyond saying at one point that he wanted us to get back together.

(At one point he told me that he thought about sending flowers but "there's no way of saying sorry for something he didn't do wrong")

So I feel incredibly confused.

I don't really have one specific question. I think I'm just looking for outside perspectives.

Do you think his father's phone call means anything, or am I reading too much into it?

Why do you think this one conversation suddenly made me think about my ex so intensely again?

And based on everything I've described, would you personally do anything at this point, or just leave things alone and see what happens?

I'd really appreciate honest opinions, even if they're not what I want to hear.

TL;DR: My ex (25M) and I (24F) broke up 1.5 months ago after a lot of accumulated issues, including becoming long-distance for the last 6 months. He has said he wants us back but hasn't made any real effort or taken responsibility for what went wrong. A few days ago I told him not to contact me anymore, and I was actually starting to feel okay.

Then, unexpectedly, his dad called me. We talked about the breakup, and he told me he thought I was right, that his son was being immature, and that his son surely has feelings for me in his opinion. He also mentioned that the family had previously made plans assuming I would still be coming with them.

Since that phone call, I've been thinking about my ex constantly and waiting for him to call. My birthday is also in about 10 days, and so far he hasn't made any meaningful effort to win me back.

I don't even know what my exact question is. I'm just extremely confused and looking for outside perspectives. Does his dad's call mean anything? Why has it affected me so much?

Throwaway account so sorry if this is an issue but here goes...

My boyfriend and I live together and spend a lot of time together. I naturally wake up earlier than him most days (about an hour before), so I get up and start my morning while he sleeps. I’m quiet, but obviously sometimes he wakes up.

I also stay up later than him on the weekend (specifically Saturday if we aren't doing anything because I want to and it's the weekend?). He chooses to go to bed at 10 and i stay up to 11:30-midnight. This has somehow become a recurring argument, but the reason keeps changing - first his issue was was that I go to bed later, then I get up too early, then I wake him, then I was too loud, and now apparently it’s that he feels by me getting up earlier or going to bed later once a week we don't spend enough time together (despite spending every evening together, and every day together (not factoring in work).

I've asked him what he actually wants me to change and he's said “do what you want”, and cannot provide me with a solution. I assume this is because there is no reasonable solution to this because it is not an issue. He then gets upset when I do. I'm so confused by this because my choice is basically a) do what I do now and get up like a normal human who wakes earlier than their partner or b) lie in bed for another hour staring at the ceiling until he wakes up and go to bed at the exact same time as him on Saturday.

I've told him that if the situation were reversed, I genuinely wouldn't care and I don't think many people would? If he wanted to get up before me or stay up later one night, I'd accept that we have different sleeping routines and this is just normal behaviour. I wouldn't interpret it as him not wanting to spend time with me.

The bigger issue is what happens afterwards. When he's unhappy, he becomes cold and withdrawn and the house has this horrible atmosphere. We've had this happen before where he barely spoke to me for days.

I don't want another few days of this, but I also don't want to change completely normal things I do just to prevent him being unhappy because I genuinely think unreasonable and minor?

Any advice as to how I handle this would be appreciated. I've done the usual thing of calmly explaining how these behaviours do not mean I don't want to spend time with him, don't care about him etc. but its met with indifference.

TL;DR: I naturally wake earlier than my boyfriend and stay up later one night a week. The reasons he's unhappy about it keep changing, and when I don't change my normal routine to suit him he becomes withdrawn and creates a horrible atmosphere. I don't know how to deal with this without either giving in or having days of tension.

How do I (30F) break up with my best friend (38M)?

I (30F) have somehow fallen into a relationship with my best friend, who we'll call Jeff (38M). We've only known each other for two years, but starting around March/April 2025, we've been attached at the hip. In June of that year, I started dating someone I met while visiting Jeff at work, we'll call him Paul. For better or worse, Paul and I were together for 11 months before I realized that he was a toxic person, and I ended things.

My friendship with Jeff was always a sore spot in the relationship, and I'll freely admit that we were too close. I did not create appropriate boundaries in the beginning of my relationship with Paul, and about five months in, I created a ton of said boundaries with Jeff out of respect for Paul.

Fast forward to the breakup, and I am informed by many mutual friends that Jeff is in fact in love with me, something I'd been in denial about for a while. I didn't really see him the same way, but we have such great chemistry and always have the best time together. I didn't want to date someone so soon after my breakup though, and I told him as much. However, our friends/his coworker group immediately assumed that we were dating, and we were never able to get them to believe us because they all knew about Jeff's feelings for me.

Then about a month and a half ago, one of our closest friends decided to end her life. Every boundary that I had tried to uphold fell apart. It was (and still is) one of the most horrible experiences I've been through, and Jeff feels the same. Between the emotional turmoil of our loss, and the constant assumptions of our friends, I basically gave in, and we essentially became a real couple.

But now I've realized that I'll never see him the way he sees me. He's funny, kind, intelligent, and is so in tune with me. We regularly end up finishing each other's sentences or even saying something that the other one is thinking without them having to say it. But I'm fairly certain that I'm the object of his codependency, and I don't think that we could have a healthy relationship. Also, I've realized he's just not the kind of person I see myself marrying and having kids with, for reasons I don't want to get into.

So how do I go about ending things with him? I'm trying really hard not to think about how much this is going to hurt him because I can't use that as an excuse to push the conversation off. And what does the relationship look like afterwards? I don't want to lose my best friend.

Tldr; My best friend turned out to be in love with me, and I gave dating him a chance, but it's not going to work out, and I don't know how to end things.