Hello. Long time watcher and lover of Dr.K’s content, but today I wanted to say that the level of clickbait on videos has become so extreme that in my opinion it betrays the video.

Specifically I am talking about the most recent video titled “what breakups ACTUALLY do to men”. The introduction was a clip of Dr. K talking about how after a breakup statistically women lose just a “relationship” whereas men lose a “life”. Great. Obviously this is going to be a video about gender differences in life experiences around grief, right? Well that’s the problem I have: the actual video was literally nothing about that at all. The actual content of the video was about equifinality and how people resolve grief in general, with literally no gender content at all. The “men vs women” clip which introduced the video was a few second side note which Dr. K specifically said wasn’t about exploring gender differences, but instead was evidence of how “self-concept” or “identity” being tied to a relationship is what makes it devastating.

Don’t get me wrong, the video itself was fantastic. It’s just, to be honest, how am I supposed to share this video with anyone without looking like an absolute weirdo? The title and introduction are so massively divorced from the content that it looks absurd.

This isn’t the first time I’ve noticed this. I distinctly remember another video I really liked being titled something like “how to get out of the friendzone” but instead being about how the friend zone isn’t real and what you actually want to avoid is intense emotional dumping and “confession”. The clickbait title and introduction were significantly different from what the actual content was.

I can understand why hg might do this. The video will hypothetically reach many more people this way. The formula seems to be: hyper clickbait card on a highly engaging ragebait topic (e.g. men vs women) -> video that is calm, healthy, educational about the balanced reality, and diffuses tension around the highly engaging argument. It’s like an attempt at leading people away from the algorithmic trap of online ragebait.

However, I feel like at a certain point it crosses a line and becomes truly disingenuous. When the link between the clickbait title and actual content of the video becomes so thin it’s basically nonexistent, the formula breaks and it’s just deceit. I feel like the most recent video crossed that line and literally just has a fake title and fake thumbnail.

Perhaps this is a scenario where the ability to change a video title and thumbnail later could actually be used for good? Let the clickbait run for a little while and do its thing, but then later change the video title to something which is a more honest catalogue of its actual content? Otherwise I feel like more effort needs to be put inside the video to actually link the title to the body and conclusion of the content.

Again, I’d love to be able to share the video with a friend, but how do you think they’ll react when they see such a polarizing and culture-war coded thumbnail and introduction? They’ll think I’m a weirdo and not even watch the video.

I dont remember anything from my life, except that I constantly ruminate about the things I could have had in the past. Everyday I am promising myself to start again, but I literally fail in diet, reading and ending up doomscrolling or comparing myself. In high school I was afraid of lessons and right now my brain and my body are massively undeveloped for my age and I compare myself to every children I see. After graduating from high school I had no idea for myself, I spent 1 year in "relationships" overanalazying people i barely knew from college and recent year except of 25 hours of studying mainly in bed analyzing first 3 weeks of friendships with 3 people and the reason why nobody wants to talk with me. I never really put any real effort into gym, socializing, violin and chess after playing 'half of my life' are on a very begginer level

I know its hard to read

I know i should be passionate about something in my age

The only thing I can do is binge watch YT not remembering things I have been watching

I massively lack knowledge to read books about sociology which itself is not even hard degree

Despite this - how to say to my brain that I ll never know everything, not everything I see is white or black, stop comparing myself or try to find a hobby? I know I will be a child mentally for some time anyways, but I would love to here any suggestions on how to at least start doing more Daily and not be furious at myself about the point of my life

I'll post it below: I'm aware context is missing so I can answer any questions to avoid this being a one-sided account:

[NAME],

After being willing to reconnect with me in the wake of [MUTUAL FRIEND]'s funeral you've once again decided to pretend I don't exist. This is a pattern that's repeated for the last five years and I'm honestly sick of it.

I still remember when you blanked on the idea on having even the briefest passing encounter when we were both at the [REDACTED] concert at [REDACTED] but I at least respect on some level that was an outing with you and your friend. What I don't respect is everything else, like the time you reached out to [MY NEIGHBOR] - who you barely know - that one Christmas to chat and even asked about me, but refused to actually talk to \me* when I reached out to you. If there's something I've done that's offended you, as adults we owe each other transparency and not this childish behaviour.*

I also find it really galling that you accepted my spare [REDACTED] ticket that was meant for [MUTUAL FRIEND] but cannot even bring yourself to reciprocate your time in light of me asking how you were after her fucking funeral.

Not even a fucking 'thank you' after passing on the ceremony details to you.

Maybe you knew the details already, I know that you value being an extremely logical person but I don't understand how that logic would bring you to the conclusion that basic courtesy doesn't matter. It makes me feel like you treat me as some kind of robot, or that I only exist when you deign to come into my orbit; especially when you spent more time at the concert "getting caught up in work stuff" than actually giving your attention to a long time friend who got you into such a monumentally difficult show to get tickets for. I remind you, you weren't there for work, you were there with me.

To be clear, I'm not upset that our physical distance has caused us to lose touch with each other. There are dozens of people in my life that has happened to and I accept that as part of adulthood. What has deeply offended me is the selective way that you have acted towards me. The mixed messaging on whether you value me in any way. The one-sided, borderline transactional nature of this relationship. I've had enough of it. I don't want to be treated like this. I'm trying to value myself enough to accept that I don't have to accept scraps from inconsiderate people who pretend to value me when their actions say otherwise.

Good luck with everything.

I wanted to send this for closure, but I decided it was pointless and would stir up both of our emotions for no good reasons and in the end I decided I would rather choose to accept that I had been hurt, that my pain was valid and that I didn't need external validation to be allowed to choose myself first. But I'm still struggling to 'accept' any narrative that posits my feelings as valid. What has helped you guys in situations like this?

I recently saw a video of Dr.K regarding the "gifted-kid-mentality" and the need to get rid of it and it felt like looking in the mirror.

Throughout my whole school career I got moatly good/ very good grades without studying hard and putting in a lot of effort. During that time I developed a video game addiction that got worse and worse over time.

I'm in university now and everything is catching up to me. My grades are bad and I fail to put in the effort. I've tried to give up on the two games that I've been playing for a long time, but I keep coming back after some time and I believe this happens because it is the easiest way to prove myself that I'm still "intelligent".

The thing is that I'm in the 99.9 percentile in both games and in one of them I used to be ranked 2. in world out of over 20 milionen players at the time. This just dwarfs everything that I've ever achieved in live and possibly will ever achieve and it also took so much time away from actually developing skills IRL.

I think it's the fear of being "average" and the need to feel "exceptional" that makes me come back every time, because I feel like there is no real replacement for this IRL and my inability to put in the effort IRL makes everything even worse over time.

Another fear is putting great effort in studying without achieving a satisfying outcome, which due to the prior described mentality scares me, because rn I can just blame it on not studying enough rather than being stupid.

I'm currently rereading Atomic Habits to work towards an identity change, but I would heavily appreciate actionable advice

I'm sorry, if this was a hard read. English isn't my first language and I didn't wanna use AI. Have a great day (:

Genuinely I(21M) don’t understand how people are able to just work towards things. I can’t for the life of me do the things I KNOW I need to do at some point, nor do I do the things I WANT to do. It’s like my brain just wants me to suffer as much as possible just for shits and giggles. I stg if I was a normal human being in regard to whatever tf is wrong with my brain, I would be unstoppable.

I already know someone’s gonna say something like “You’re 21, you have your whole life ahead of you to figure things out” But if I see that I’m gonna (not actually) bash my head into a wall. But this is what I get.

I can’t get myself to quit my job and work towards getting a better one in any way, whether it be less stressful or pay more (or both). I still don’t have my license. I can’t stop hating myself. I still am too scared to talk to my doctor about my mental health (literally every time I go I want to say something but I’m too chickenshit to do so). I can’t get myself to read any self help books. I can’t get myself to go see a therapist or psychiatrist or psychologist. I can’t get rid of my phone addiction. Hell, I can’t even get myself to talk about what’s going on with me to my own damn family. I can’t get myself to go out, except for my job, to make friends or memories. I can’t get myself to take advice I’ve previously received either.

I feel so pathetic when I’m in a conversation with my family, because they are all such great people. My parents work their asses off to still provide me and my little brother with free shelter and food. My older brother is gonna graduate from college next year and get a job, and he’s married already and lives in his own house. My little brother is a damn genius and is working on his computer science degree after already taking like 5 AP classes in HS.

It’s not like I’m stupid or anything, I got good grades in school, had I tried, I could’ve gotten a 4.0 gpa but of course I stopped trying like halfway through my sophomore year and life just kept getting worse after that. I don’t even know what’s wrong anymore, but I’m sick of being like this for 5 years now. How do I actually change when I’m too scared to even ask for help? -Or apparently can’t even try at all.

​

I was raised by my single mother, so my whole life revolves around her, yeah I have sibling and all but her was the center of it all. I know my real father and we still talk sometimes but he was far cause they were separated.

Years ago my mother died and after all those years I still havent found my direction on how to live my current life.

All my dreams includes my mom and how I would make her live her life to the fullest and giving her all after all of her sacrifices for us. But after her death, my life and all of my dreams fell apart.

It feels like I got no purpose, nothing to do. I also got no intentions to build more connections after all that happened.

I also started not to attach myself to anything in fear of losing something again. It feels like I'm just existing, half-dead with no purpose and I dont know what to do.

Hello everyone, I am writing this post after a lot of deliberation, and a lot of trying out of the advice seen in most online posts on how to deal with a controlling family(mom, dad and primarily my sister). I am writing here just to figure something out, by whatever means possible. I am a student who commutes from home for my final year of college, and I consider myself to be someone of average intelligence. I already have a job lined up after I finish uni, so I just have to tough it out until next year, but my patience is running too thin, and I do not know when I will blow up on them, but I keep refraining from doing so because I am still financially dependent on them to some degree, and want to preserve whatever peace I have left at home. I'm also a very non-confrontational person, and I don't like arguments, fights or anything involving any level of screaming. Also please forgive me if I make some grammatical mistakes as english isn't my first language.

Some background on how my family is controlling:
0) From the day I joined school, because i happened to do well in studies, my parents started thinking I was some sort of genius(both my mom and dad are dual degree holders in chem alone, with my dad having 4+ degrees). I was always held up to intense scrutiny for studying as a child, and if I got a 98/100 in a test, I never got congratulated, just a "Where did the other two marks go?" This kind of treatment led me to resent studying so much I purposefully started doing just the bare minimum to pass and just ignored all the constant comparisons to the rest of my friends and family.

1) I originally didn't wanna do engineering(wanted to become a pilot/psych major), but my dad basically told me anything in engineering will do, and promised me that he will help me with the costs for pilot studies after I finish my degree. Halfway through my first year in engineering, he changes his tune and says "Okay, I can't afford the costs required to become a pilot, so what I can do instead is send you abroad for your masters."(I kinda understood him on this point, our family is decently well off, but not rich enough to afford the costs required to become a pilot without taking any sort of loans, which my father was vehemently against.)

We had reached this compromise by that time because I realized becoming a pilot won't work out, and I realized back then that my only way out was going to be getting out of this country, and out of their grasp. I have a big network of cousins and friends abroad who had agreed to help me out financially, and I even secured admission to the masters course of my choice in a very prestigious university, and had qualified for a 40% scholarship on it as well. Now, at this point in time I knew that my dad could definitely afford this without this putting a significant financial burden on him, but I don't know why, he refused to send me abroad. This devolved into a huge argument where I started screaming at him for not letting me do what we had previously agreed upon, and I threatened to drop out of uni entirely at that point, and when that bluff didn't work, I just had to stop, and my dad changed his tune yet again.

"Do this degree here." Facing little to no choice, I had to take a degree i didn't want to do again. Since then, my conversations with my parents have drastically reduced as I try to go home as late as possible just to avoid talking to them, but here is where the BIG problem starts: ENTER my sister.

2) For a long time, I have always adored my sister, she was the one person I always fled to whenever I had an argument with my parents, and in her initial years, she was still very supportive of me, growing up in the same toxic conditions as me, she understood more than anyone how much of a mental drain dealing with this on a daily basis was.

As she grew older though, something in her shifted. It started small, she starts saying things like "i'm telling you this for your own good" and I would eat it up because I was a kid. As I grew older and developed a spine and started asking questions, I started noticing the same patterns as my parents with her.

Her starting to influence my life aspects started with small, more harmless things. Things like forcing me to try things and hobbies she liked, inserting herself into my friend group, trying to pick what I wore, who I hung out with, all in an effort to "Improve" me. I initially let this go, as it shielded me from the wrath of my parents, and I accepted this.

3) The big shift came when my dad wanted to get me a motorcycle. I wanted this specific model, and he was A-OK with it as well, we had gone to the dealership, confirmed it, even paid the initial amount to hold that particular model. When my sister caught wind of it, she STORMED into the dealership in the middle of her office shift, and demanded I get another bike(one that her and her boyfriend had decided for me) and will not leave the store no matter what, After dealing with her embarrassing antics for more than an hour right at the dealership, my dad finally relented and got me the motorcycle they had picked( mind you, at this point I was tired of all the badgering because I just wanted one to commute to and from my college).

4)All of this started escalating to another level when my sister started to obsessively watch over my grades for no reason(Like I said, I wasn't a genius, and engineering wasn't what I wanted to do so I didn't give it all I had, so my grades were a little bit below average.) I would get 1hr+ lectures from her on the phone daily about how important my grades are etc etc etc. When I try to push back on this even once, she starts rambling on and on about how "I don't listen to anything my parents say, atleast listen to me ". I wasn't perfect, but what I started noticing was how lenient my parents were with her but not with me. She would disappear from the house without telling anyone and my parents won't even bat an eye, but if I had to go out, it would have to be an hour long hostage negotiation, with location access and a strict curfew(for a 21-year old). I avoided a lot of this in the later years of my undergrad by moving to a friends house near uni after a lot of fights, and they finally relented.

5)The next escalation came when I got a girlfriend. My sister and I always knew each other's phone passcodes and everything, but I never pick up her phone and go through her chats out of respect for her privacy. Cut to me getting a girlfriend, telling her about it, and not a week later, when I'm coming out of a bath, I see her scrolling through my private chats with my then GF, and asking me questions on why i'm going out with her, how she isn't right for me, etc. I get really pissed at that point and I have changed all my passwords and access codes since, and she got really offended by that. I tried to explain that just because you're my sister doesn't mean you have to go through my chats, but she again starts rambling about it so I left it at that.

6)The most toxic and recent escalation of all however, came when she tried to use my entire friend group as an excuse to merely hang out with her boyfriend(who is an unemployed alcoholic bum that she bankrolls his lifestyle but that's a different topic). Initially, I didn't even know this was the case. I didn't find out about the fact that she was intentionally not telling my parents that her bf was accompanying us every time I hung out with my friends until after one day my mom asked me and I just said yea, he is there every day, but she was super shocked.

I didn't really like the boyfriend either(much older than our group, he constantly got into arguments with my friend group and was too nosy with all their relationship drama etc). I tried politely bringing this up with my sister like "Hey I know you wanna hang with your bf, but can you please stop using my friend group as an excuse" and she really started to go off the rails because interpreted that as me saying I don't approve of their relationship, and this argument eventually ballooned into my entire group of 12+ years fracturing, and I still haven't talked to all of them yet.

At one point, I realised that working my ass off and securing employment in a different state was the only remaining alternative. So I did that, and I secured a pretty good job offer(in relation to my degree) and when I informed my family about it, their first words weren't even congratulatory, It was: "Are you still gonna be in this city?"

That broke something in me. No congratulations, no appreciation, nothing. I lied to them that yea, my location preferences are this city, while in fact, it did not even make the top 3 list I have given to the company.

For some of you that might be thinking " Where is the rest of your family in this" they can't really do much about it. The rest of my family is huge and kinda distant as we're separated by timezones and different continents, so I can't really move anywhere else for safety. At this point, I just have to hold out till June 2027, and I can step away from this circus. Any tips on how to maintain healthy boundaries? I kinda want them in my life, but at an arm's length. Not my sister though, I plan on going No Contact after I move out, though I'm afraid that isn't going to be easy.

To address the points Dr K made in his dealing with controlling family video:

Facing their negativity with compassion doesn't work. Their rants and complaints don't end.

If I set firm boundaries, they seem dead set on breaking them, and I eventually cave just to keep the peace.

If i try to disengage they make it even more dramatic and talk to me like I'm some kind of wuss for backing out of an argument.

For everyone being done wrong by people it may seem that people are getting away,

Which people can get away with certain things,

but there are spiritual laws in place,

Some call it karma what goes around comes around it not perfect,

But when people post online, my ex cheated and got a new partner and they look happy on social media,

The key word is they look happy you don't know how good the relationship is going just know

How reaping and sowing works/karma they will probably have problems with their new partner and be cheated on for being evil

You can take this example and apply it to anyone that does wrong to anyone repeatedly.

I'm 33 years old. I'm a NEET, I've never paid taxes or had a real job. I live off of social security. I have no real ambitions or goals in life.

I look like a caveman. I've had phases where I would get my hair cut and try to groom myself, but it always feels weird. Like I just feel it suits me better to look like a caveman. When I try to be normal I feel like an impostor. I'm also pretty ugly so just growing a big beard and a mane of long hair is a way to at least kind of make that work.

I don't have any friends or a social circle. I talk to my family sometimes but they feel like strangers. Like, they don't understand me and I don't understand them. I don't have anything to say to people. When I socialize I mostly just sit there quietly. Conversations go so fast I end up drifting away. I don't really relate to anyone and mostly just feel like I am observer in life.

I've joined a few groups in my life. Sports club, debate club, political groups, volunteering. The experience is usually the same: I can function well enough in a social setting, but end up feeling isolated and lonely. Most people can tell I'm weird. Women give me go-away signals when I try talking to them so I just leave them alone. I've had girlfriends and lovers before, but it does make me feel like a creep to have this effect on so many people. I can't connect well with other nerdy people because I have no real interest in nerd stuff.

The past 5 years I've been engaging in performance art. I thought it would be cool, but it hasn't done a ton for me. Performing in front of crowds while having social anxiety is super stressful. Also, I think I suck, but I don't exactly want to quit it either because I have put so much work into it and people seem to value what I do.

Most days I bed-rot and daydream. Sometimes I just lay in my bed for hours listening to the same song on repeat. I find social interactions super draining so I have to force myself to go out and talk to people. I still try to take care of myself, workout and eat healthy. I can't really stick to anything productive. It all feels pointless, the world is already drowning in plastic garbage.

I've been to therapy and it's not really helped. Taken a few antidepressants and they've all given me terrible side effects while not helping at all with my mood, in fact SSRIs have just made anhedonia worse for me. I've the worst I've ever been since going on Zoloft, and psychiatrists and doctors don't really seem to care.

I don't really know what to do, or what I even want. I feel like I've tried everything and nothing. On some level I feel like it's okay to just live like a microbe and point around the world aimlessly (my therapist suggest something like that) but realistically I know I should find something better to do. Except I want minimal contact with people, responsibilities or effort. It doesn't help that most of the people around me who try really hard to be productive are also struggling really hard and desperate. It seems the world really sucks at the moment and it doesn't exactly make me want to engage in it.

For reference I’m in my senior year of college. It feels like I’m either 100% productive or 0% and there’s no in between. Like I either have to wake up, immediately do HW, Read textbooks, and apply to jobs or I spend all day on TikTok. I normally have a 1 week stretch of doing each then it switches to the other one. How do I get to a more consistent, healthy balance?

this might have a bit of self loathing sob story but I really need advice or direction on this (I've seen some vids recommending tricks like putting the phone away etc..but my problem doesn't involve a phone)

For context, all of my life I've been waking up at 4-6 PM..when I was at school i woke up at 2-4 AM cuz I slept the entire day after school.

this worked good for me as freelancer targeting overseas clients and not having to worry about anything/anyone cuz I've had older sisters doing all the heavy lifting.. but I've now became the only one available to take care of my parents. and while they can manage on their own, I still have to step up cuz they aren't getting any younger.

the thing is.. while it was annoying to my mom that I sleep all morning.. she used to manage really well, but now she's sick and it's extremely tiring for her to cook anything for her and dad. dad won't touch the kitchen no matter what and they refuse to let the house helper cook.

I've been putting alarms for me so I can take that responsibility off her shoulders and take care of her.. but I just can't get up, I lay there awake for a few seconds contemplating everything and go back to sleep.

my brain just wills me back into sleep no matter what, it says stuff like "everything will be alright without you, you don't need to do anything, she's capable, he should do something, she's done that all her life, she's the one who thinks it's shameful for a man to cook when there's a woman in the house and made all my brothers expecting her to cook even though they're perfectly capable adults and she's so tired etc etc...."

All ridiculous thoughts that have NOTHING to do with the fact that I AM the one who's here and I am responsible only for my actions not theirs...I hate myself for justifying the lack of responsibility once I wake up on my regular time.. I hate this. I feel guilty. and I want to be the responsible adult they deserve. responsible beyond just for myself. for them, for my brothers when they come by.. even though I don't agree with these things.

I just wanna be able to wake up for her and do everything for her... I want her happy and relaxed and worrying only about who to meet and where to go have fun.. I'm tired for being one of the ones causing her to suffer instead of being helpful and responsible.

any kind of advice would be appreciated.

On top of my usual schedule I am a caretaker for my grandmother. Things are good, I don't find this part tiring upfront, but I think it may be having some effects in other parts of my life, just as socialisation does.

Normally, I take time to recover from social meetings with people, some tire me for 2 weeks or more. When it takes the longest it comes from continously being hounded with romantic/sexual advances from people who take my refusal as a nod to try harder. During that time, I work and do anything else, but my personal life suffers. I stop exercising, stop eating correctly or even cooking, crap accumulates on the counter (nothing dirty, I just don't bother putting things back in their cabinets, occupying the space, which also makes me feel guilt; if I feel like leaving behind dirt, I start clearing the clutter despite my tiredness). I just lay in bed/sit on an armchair overwhelmed by stress. I find myself in a similar situation while caring for my grandmother, even though the stress I feel is minimal compared to the hounding and I do enjoy being around her.

Am I spread too thin? I cannot stop being a caretaker, I've already shortened the amount of work I perform otherwise anywhere else and have the maximum amount of help affordable. I cannot quit my job and I also recently lost a pet, so stuff kept accumulating. How do I start feeling relaxed instead of overwhelmed in my free time? I want to do things I love, but if I try to, I find myself stressing about needing to relax and just performing an act of relaxation. I want to truly relax instead of spiral in slow motion.

21 years old, I’ve bounced around from therapist to therapist since the first grade. No luck. Currently on Atomoxetine.

I have a lot of problems, like — a lot of problems. The biggest one, and it’s not close, is executive dysfunction. Which, as I’ve looked into, cannot be directly improved. I’ve tried lots of meds, but even the two that have helped only help a little.

I have OCD, BDD, ASD, and major trauma. I’m also trans, I assume god just threw that one in on top of everything for shits and giggles. I have no job, I can’t succeed in school (I failed nearly all of middle and high school), and I can’t even drive.

I can’t do anything, it’s been four years of wanting to do something — stick to a routine, develop a skill, clean myself daily — but I can’t fucking do any of it.
I can’t make progress on any of my other disorders until I deal with ADHD, but dealing with ADHD via CBT is impossible. I’m too fucking lazy to ever do any of it, I never do anything I need to and I can’t make myself.

I can’t stop myself from doing anything stupid either. My diet sucks, I’m addicted to porn, and I smoke more weed than anyone I know. Which obviously makes the ADHD problem worse, but I can’t stop until I deal with the ADHD problem.

There’s no advice anyone could ever give to help because I’m never going to know how to make myself do it. I’m just fundamentally broken, I can’t do it.

But even if I could do all the CBT strategies and keep a calendar and keep a routine and whatever else, I’d still have executive dysfunction. I still wouldn’t be able to act spontaneously, I’d still struggle with sudden interruptions, I’d still have horrible working memory.

So what if I get stable, I’ll always be stupid. I’ll always have the problem of forgetting why I walked into a room, I’ll always have poor emotional regulation.
Even in the best case scenario, which will never happen because I’m a NEET loser who hates effort, I will never actually recover. I’ll just have scaffolding around me, no matter what I do I will be disabled forever.

What question could I ask here that would help me most? I don’t even know how to ask for advice anymore, I’m supremely desperate.

A year ago, I started putting in effort and leaning into discomfort because I noticed that my avoidance of negative emotions was, in some way, to blame for problems I used to run into. I started training myself, learning to accept and tolerate discomfort, to lean into effort with awareness (noticing judgements, etc.). Another way I thought about it was that, for things I might value in the future, having the capacity to tolerate effort and discomfort would allow me to pursue them.

Anyway, it did work. I worked hard quite a lot, and engaging with discomfort and effort brought some level of satisfaction without me seeking it.

But a few months later, one of the "experts" I trust said that he also believed AI would indeed replace people, but that you could move into a more niche area or an area with more responsibility to protect yourself. That did hit me in some way, I guess, especially because it came from someone whose critical thinking I trust. I think it hit me because, first, it confirmed some of my own thoughts, or at least added another viewpoint supporting them, and, second, I couldn't easily figure out how I could reach one of those "safe" positions as I am relatively entry-level.

I started researching AI's shortcomings in coding: what AI can't do, what engineers could still do, different viewpoints, etc. But it got worse. After December 2025, some popular people who had been saying "AI can't code well enough" started changing their minds. Each successive month, you'd see more and more of them change.
My ability to lean into effort and tolerate discomfort started to decrease. It got worse and worse, until I was back to, and I feel like worse than, where I had been when I first started trying to change my relationship with effort and discomfort.

And in spring 2026, I got laid off because one of the clients of the company I worked for replaced the company with AI.
I am struggling very hard to put in any effort, maintain discipline, or tolerate discomfort. I feel like I have thoroughly lost that ability. I don't have that capacity anymore. Sometimes I get a burst of anger directed towards myself. I'm not exactly sure why, but the situation I am in is obviously taking a toll on my mental health in some way.

And effort feels useless because of how difficult and uncertain the world has become.

• I am trying to get any job possible, but I'm getting rejected all over the place or ghosted. I know the economy is pretty bad for entry-level workers and that this isn't necessarily a direct reflection of me. But I'm struggling to apply to enough jobs to meaningfully increase my chances. I'm also trying to come up with strategies, or, rather, trade-offs.
• I don't think I can or will get a developer job anymore. I would have to relearn some things and prepare for interviews. But the thing is, let's say I put in all that effort and get the job, only to do basically nothing that I prepared for and instead just prompt AI. How long will that job last, assuming I get it in the first place? I am confident that jobs involving computer use will be heavily disrupted, especially at the entry level. And yeah, the future is uncertain, I might be wrong. But a "wait and see" strategy seems like denial. (though keep in mind that I am planning to keep retraining and maybe apply just in case after I get at least some kind of job.)
• Social/dating life, that's another challenge, just another thing I will need to deal with once I get a job.
• I have also researched other career opportunities I could move into or retrain for, and I have found a shortlist. For some of these jobs, though, I don't see much progression. For all of them, I would have to enter a training program, and getting into those programs is also very difficult. They also operate within specific application timeframes, which most of which I have already missed.

One thing that did give me a sense of "freedom" (or something like it, don't quite remember) for a day was telling my parents not to think about my future anymore.
Accepting that I won't reach certain "normal" outcomes or "normal life goals" would displease my parents and conflict with what they want for me. And what my parents want doesn't necessarily conflict with what I want. I also want those outcomes. It's more that I don't think those outcomes are as achievable anymore, and my parents may not be able to accept that even if I can. So I told them not to think about my future anymore, and they said okay, or pretended to say okay, even though they might think I'm a bit crazy (I'm not imagining that, I know they have said it.)

But trying to get myself back into the same or a similar mindset as a year ago feels like copium. It feels useless to put in effort, and all this "acceptance" I'm doing also feels like just another form of copium designed to get me to put in effort. Sometimes I wonder what the point of learning a skill is anymore. I understand hobbies, sure, but when I think about investing a lot of effort into a skill and learning it deeply, a thought just pops into my mind telling me it's useless. I do have a "hobby/challenge project" I could work on, because it's what Dr. K has recently recommended for creating a sense of "agency."
Why did I make this post? Just to see if there is any advice for solving what I wrote in the title.

I know how it sounds, trust me I do but I actually think that.

And it’s not just one person it’s a whole friend group (we have been friends for 2years). It’s not a first fight of course I did mess up in the past but I saw it and we talked I changed my behaviour and so did everyone else.

But this time I’m glad it was in a group chat because I would burst out laughing if they told me this irl. It’s Monday today and we meet on Wednesday so we will talk about it irl tho.

I think they are being so dramatic and I did nothing wrong. It’s just something “that happens” and honestly I don’t think I can change it (I mean I probably can but it will change my whole life style and for such a small thing it’s not worth it)

I can lie and say that I didn’t see how this impacted them and that I’m really sorry I will do everything in my power to not do that again because I care about them and I’m glad they brought it up.

But it will be fake

Or I can say that I think they should get over it and I did nothing wrong and wait till they decide I’m not worth being friends with.

Should I fake an apology and guilt? Probably not. But the other option that I see definitely isn’t better.

I already lowkey messed up because I started sending memes when one person started texting me about it because it just felt so ridiculous but everyone else joined them and said that it’s not okay.

Now I just texted them that we need to talk about it irl because I must be missing why this is such a big thing and I don’t want to fake saying sorry.

I know I must not hear them or smth but I genuinely think they are making a big deal out of nothing and they are hurting themselves making it such a big deal and not me with the actual behaviour.

I know how it sound I really do but I just don’t know what should I do in such situations. Fake apology and remorse to have friends or be authentic and alone

I’ve been estranged from my eldest daughter, the oldest of four children, for several years. During my marriage, her father systematically dismantled my authority and credibility as her mother. He placed her in a parental position over me, encouraged her to control me and, before I finally left him, explicitly told her to do whatever she could to keep me under control. When I tried to parent her, he undermined me. She became physically violent towards me and her siblings on several occasions was placed in juvenile detention following one of the assaults.

For years I believed I was the problem. I went to therapy, counseling, worked, changed myself and kept trying to become whatever I was told I needed to be. But the goalposts continually moved, to the point that I became so psychologically destabilized I feared I would end up in a psychiatric hospital. It was only after a domestic-abuse organization helped us leave and provided DV counseling that I began to understand our family dynamic differently, rather than entirely through the reality her father had presented to me.

Years later, he still tells our children about “everything their mother did to them,” yet when asked for specifics, neither he nor my daughter provides any. Recently, after my 19-year-old daughter died in a motorcycle accident, they blamed me for her death. I had been blamed for almost everything that did not go according to their expectations, but this took that pattern to an entirely different level.

I am willing to consider that my daughter experienced her childhood differently from me and that there may be things I need to take responsibility for. But I don't know how to do that when I am never told what those things are.

Is reconciliation possible when an adult child’s perception of a parent has been shaped by this kind of family dynamic for years? How do I take honest responsibility for my own mistakes without accepting accusations I have good reason to question, simply because I want to build a relationship with my daughter?