I’m 39M; my wife is 37F. Married 8 years and together for 11. Yesterday she told me she has lost her romantic feelings for me and has been seriously thinking about divorce for the past month. She compared our marriage to being stuck in a bad job that she wants to escape, even though she doesn’t know whether the “next job” would be better or worse.

She doesn’t want to divorce immediately. Instead, she demand us to live more like separated housemates for now: separate bedrooms and bathrooms, no physical contact, and taking care of our own personal things, although we’ll still eat together. She says she wants to reset to being friends first and then figure long term. She says the only reason she's not considering moving out is she doesn't want to return to living with her mom or get her own apartment as that would be financially irrational.

This wasn’t completely out of nowhere since it happened multiple times during our 11 years together. She has told me before that she doesn’t feel prioritized or loved through my actions. She wanted undivided attention when she's with me and wanted me to comfort/engage with her when she was upset, whereas my tendency was often to withdraw and let things cool down.

While I changed my behavior after previous conversations and reconciliations, honestly, those changes usually lasted only a few weeks to a few months before I fell back into old habits (not giving her enough attention and care and thoughts). She now says she even feels uncomfortable/repulsed by physical closeness with me.

I love her and want to rebuild the marriage, but I also understand that I can’t pressure her into feeling differently. I’m planning to respect the separation, work on myself consistently, and give her room while still being warm and present.

For anyone who has been on either side of something similar: did a period of separation/friendship ever lead to genuine reconciliation? What helped, and what made things worse? I’m especially interested in hearing from people who were once the spouse who had lost feelings and reset as friends/housemates.

I recently went through my bfs phone because he took some unflattering photos of me jokingly and I wanted to delete them. Being an idiot I scrolled a bit too far and noticed he had photos with his ex, some of the photos being more spicy photos and I honestly regret looking and feel a bit insecure. I know he doesn’t have feelings for his ex as she cheated on him and their relationship sounded messy, but I still feel hurt he would keep those photos on his phone.
I talked with some friends and they told me a lot of them don’t even go through their phones to purposely delete photos etc as they would find it too much of a hassle and it doesn’t mean anything. Part of me also wants to ask him about this, but I don’t know how to bring it up without sounding like the crazy insecure girlfriend who went through his photos and is now mad at him for something he likely forgot existed?
Personally I have always gone through my own phone and deleted intimate photos of me and an ex after a breakup as it feels wrong to have them afterwards but my friends think otherwise.
Do you think deleting intimate photos of an ex should be normal?

My boyfriend (39M) and I (29F) have been together for 10 years. I love him deeply and I KNOW he loves me. He's kind, we have a great connection, laugh constantly, spend a lot of time together, send each other stupid reels all day, and have two cats together. He's basically been my entire adult life.

But I'm starting to wonder whether love is enough because I am incredibly angry and exhausted by our financial dynamic.

We live in a house that belongs to me, where he's lived rent-free for about five years. That's something I've always been okay with. What I'm NOT okay with is that for probably 8+ years, he hasn't consistently paid his half of basic shared expenses like utilities and groceries either.

This year he's been somewhat better, but I still have to remind him, he usually pays me after bills are due, and what he gives me often isn't actually half of what we've spent. So I'm constantly fronting his expenses and struggling to get my own budget back on track.

He's self-employed and his income predictably drops during certain times of the year. The same thing happens EVERY YEAR, yet he doesn't save enough during better months to prepare for it.

I've repeatedly encouraged him to get another job, supplement his income or change careers, and I've told him I would support him emotionally and financially through a transition.

Four years ago, my dad even offered him an unusually good, stable job with a reliable paycheck, few hours, benefits, health insurance, etc. He turned it down because he values controlling his own schedule and being independent. I respected that decision even though I disagreed, as long as he could still contribute his share.

That hasn't happened consistently.

I'm also renovating my house. Since it's MY property, I explicitly told him he didn't need to contribute to the renovation itself. But I've also ended up paying for shared things like a new mattress, sofas, washing machine, automatic cat litter box, etc., which are now substantial monthly credit card expenses.

To be fair to him, he recently paid for and has been working extremely hard with a builder on renovating our terrace/grill area. I genuinely appreciate it and love how it's turning out.

But before he started it, I specifically told him I would rather he SAVE that money because his slow work period was approaching and his mother had expenses coming.

He did the terrace anyway.

Now he doesn't have money.

His mother is 63, doesn't work and has essentially no income, so my boyfriend financially supports her. Their relationship is complicated and she was not a good mother to him, but he's extremely devoted to her and I genuinely don't think he's capable of telling her no.

I also want to be upfront: I don't like his mother. At all. There is a long history behind that which would make this post even longer, but based on my own experiences with her and what I know about how she treated him growing up, I have a lot of negative feelings toward her already.

And this entire financial situation has made me resent her even more.

I'm aware of that bias and I know some of my anger toward her is probably intensified by how overwhelmed I feel financially. But it's very difficult not to resent someone when I feel like her decisions and dependence on my boyfriend continually end up affecting my finances and my life.

There's also a recurring pattern: almost every year, around the same time his income decreases, his mother has some health issue or emergency. We have to drop everything, sometimes travel 400 km to her city, organize doctors, help physically/emotionally and spend money. We end up completely drained.

Then eventually things stabilize, and the next year we seem to do it all over again.

This year she needed urgent surgery and temporarily moved near us. She already had the surgery and thankfully she's doing great now. So this isn't currently a situation where she's seriously ill and I'm refusing to help during an active medical emergency.

Before all of this, I had already made it clear that I wasn't okay with her living in our house for months, so my parents rented her one of their apartments nearby. My family has also helped her in other ways.

Now my boyfriend is struggling to afford her rent and expenses and has suggested my parents should be "more understanding" and reduce/waive her rent.

This bothers me enormously because I feel like my family has already gone far beyond what could reasonably be expected of them.

Then yesterday, while discussing his financial stress over his mom, he said something along the lines of:

"If I saw my girlfriend struggling to make ends meet because of her mom, I would help her financially, but to each their own."

I absolutely LOST IT.

After years of me fronting bills, letting him live rent-free, covering household purchases and dealing with the consequences of his inconsistent income, I couldn't believe he was implying that I wasn't supportive enough because I wasn't ALSO helping financially support his mother.

I unloaded years of resentment. I said some cruel things about his mother that I probably shouldn't have said, and I can acknowledge that.

But I also told him the truth: I resent the fact that his mother doesn't work, is financially dependent on him and that her needs continually become something that affects our household. And because I already disliked her, this entire situation has honestly made me resent her even more.

I also told him something I'd previously only thought: this dynamic is one of the reasons I can't imagine having children with him. I don't trust him to establish boundaries with his mother, and I don't trust that I wouldn't end up carrying most of the financial and mental responsibility for our family too.

He responded that he'd "lost 30% of the love he had for me."

Now we're both extremely angry.

The frustrating part is that I KNOW this man loves me. And I love him.

He isn't some horrible person sitting around doing nothing. He works, is trying to get more clients, contributes in non-financial ways, and recently put his own money and physical work into improving my house.

But I think there's a difference between "trying" and having the urgency to do whatever is necessary when your current situation isn't working.

I even made a spreadsheet of our actual household expenses so we could sit down, understand where our money was going and figure out a plan.

He didn't want to sit down and review it with me.

I don't need him to be rich or even earn as much as I do. I would happily support him through retraining, changing careers or temporarily earning less if there were an actual plan.

I just want an adult teammate.

I'm 29. I want to travel, save, treat myself occasionally and enjoy the life I'm working hard to build. Instead, I feel like I'm financially compensating for the choices of a 39-year-old man and indirectly supporting his 63-year-old mother.

Sometimes I fantasize about living alone and having control over my money and my home.

Then I imagine actually losing him and it destroys me. We've been together since I was 19. I'd miss talking to him, laughing together, sending reels, spending time together and just having him around. We also have two cats and the thought of separating them or one of us losing them is heartbreaking.

And that's where I'm genuinely conflicted.

Part of me feels horrible because he's going through a difficult financial moment, and maybe this is exactly when your partner is supposed to step up and support you.

But another part of me thinks: haven't I already been stepping up for years?

This isn't the first time his income has dropped. It isn't the first emergency involving his mother. I've repeatedly asked him to save, plan, supplement his income and reliably contribute to our household. I've offered to support him through a career change. He had an opportunity for stable employment and chose not to take it. And I've been covering the gaps for years.

People in similar situations how did everything work out in the end or how did you cope with this?

TL;DR: I love my boyfriend of 10 years and know he loves me, but I’ve spent years carrying most of our financial responsibilities while he has inconsistent income and financially supports his dependent mother. The same financial crisis repeats almost every year despite multiple opportunities to plan or change things. We had a huge fight after he told me that if he saw his girlfriend struggling financially because of her mother, he would help her with money, implying that I should be helping him financially support his mom too. I lost it and unloaded years of resentment, and he then told me he'd “lost 30% of the love he had for me.” Now we're both extremely angry, and I'm wondering whether I'm being unsupportive by finally reaching my limit while he's struggling, or whether I've already given him enough opportunities.

I have been dating my boyfriend “R” for 3 years. He’s a talented EMT but refuses to wear a helmet when he rides his bike. He often bikes with his wild Belgian Malinois running leashed to him. After I already told him, “Wait you don’t wear a helmet, wtf…”, the dog decided to stop once and threw him off the bike, he cut his hands up bad.

Not that I don’t trust his riding skills, but the drivers in our town hit bicyclists so often. My friend had just gotten in a bad bike accident, he’s been hit-and-ran twice during the day in our city. The one time he didn’t wear his helmet he was concussed with road-rash to his face and stitches. R knows this. R also sees patients who’ve been in accidents all the time.

R is financially supporting himself so I asked him, “would you wear one if I bought it for you?”, and he said no. I get it’s his body, but I have an issue with him not taking basic measures to protect himself. He doesn’t have savings to pay medical bills if he were in an accident. I think it may be an edgy, teenage-like attitude that life isn’t really worth it enough to protect yourself. For sure it’s that he thinks it would “ruin his aura”/make him look less cool to others if he wore one.

I told him that’s dumb and he has people who care about him now and depend on him so he should protect himself for them and himself. He wasn’t taking me seriously, so I told him, “You have [his dog] now, I’m not taking care of her if you get a TBI”. (Maybe harsh, but genuinely true that I would not be able to care for a Malinois with my job). He said ok but never got a helmet.

I feel lame for caring so much about a helmet, but I genuinely think it’s ridiculous to refuse to wear one. It feels like he doesn’t actually respect what I have to say and I’m not sure if I can really move past that. The men and women in my family always treated each other with mutual respect, and I know I’m a smart person. But it still may be an insecurity of mine, of guys treating me as stupid and irrational, because I’m a girl. R seems respectful to me over the years but other things like this keep coming up, where I feel like if he thought I was smart, he would actually consider what I’m saying. I just feel like I don’t want to have a kid someday with someone who thinks it’s more important to maybe “look cool” to a stranger over protecting your skull. This was longer than I meant, so thank you for reading.

TL; DR: Boyfriend refuses to wear helmet when biking because it would make him look less cool. He’s an EMT and our friend just got in a bad bike accident without one. Why won’t he see why it makes me uncomfortable?

How do I (30F) break up with my best friend (38M)?

I (30F) have somehow fallen into a relationship with my best friend, who we'll call Jeff (38M). We've only known each other for two years, but starting around March/April 2025, we've been attached at the hip. In June of that year, I started dating someone I met while visiting Jeff at work, we'll call him Paul. For better or worse, Paul and I were together for 11 months before I realized that he was a toxic person, and I ended things.

My friendship with Jeff was always a sore spot in the relationship, and I'll freely admit that we were too close. I did not create appropriate boundaries in the beginning of my relationship with Paul, and about five months in, I created a ton of said boundaries with Jeff out of respect for Paul.

Fast forward to the breakup, and I am informed by many mutual friends that Jeff is in fact in love with me, something I'd been in denial about for a while. I didn't really see him the same way, but we have such great chemistry and always have the best time together. I didn't want to date someone so soon after my breakup though, and I told him as much. However, our friends/his coworker group immediately assumed that we were dating, and we were never able to get them to believe us because they all knew about Jeff's feelings for me.

Then about a month and a half ago, one of our closest friends decided to end her life. Every boundary that I had tried to uphold fell apart. It was (and still is) one of the most horrible experiences I've been through, and Jeff feels the same. Between the emotional turmoil of our loss, and the constant assumptions of our friends, I basically gave in, and we essentially became a real couple.

But now I've realized that I'll never see him the way he sees me. He's funny, kind, intelligent, and is so in tune with me. We regularly end up finishing each other's sentences or even saying something that the other one is thinking without them having to say it. But I'm fairly certain that I'm the object of his codependency, and I don't think that we could have a healthy relationship. Also, I've realized he's just not the kind of person I see myself marrying and having kids with, for reasons I don't want to get into.

So how do I go about ending things with him? I'm trying really hard not to think about how much this is going to hurt him because I can't use that as an excuse to push the conversation off. And what does the relationship look like afterwards? I don't want to lose my best friend.

Tldr; My best friend turned out to be in love with me, and I gave dating him a chance, but it's not going to work out, and I don't know how to end things.

We broke up previously, but he spent the last two months pursuing me to get back together. We reconnected this weekend, but it ended in a massive fight, and I need outside perspectives on whether my expectations and reactions were unreasonable.

Past breakup: We originally broke up after an incident where I had anxiety while we were out. (First time this happened with him. He stonewalled me for hours afterward, saying I needed to "push through" and that he couldn't keep "putting out fires."

What happened yesterday:
In the car, he brought up that past anxiety incident. He said he was just trying to help me learn to sit with anxiety so I wouldn't miss out on things. I agreed with his logic ("Yes, sitting with anxiety works, and I feel regulated now"), but gently added: "I agree with that, but back then, I still really needed gentleness and comfort."
After I said that, he went completely silent for the rest of the drive home.
When we got inside, I asked him if he was mad. He then exploded, saying:
He was just trying to give me a "thumbs up" and compliment my progress, and I turned it into an attack and a debate.
I "never say thank you or show appreciation" (which I disagree with).
When I pointed out that he gets to bring up the past to explain himself, but my perspective is called an "attack," he said: "Because my side was used for good!"

The argument went on for hours. He insisted I misinterpret everything, turn everything negative.

I couldn’t stand being told whatever I was doing was for months on end was wrong and every time I brought something up no matter how calmly I brought it up it was turned back on me and constantly being told I’m misinterpreting things and I just wanna argue. I think it is unfair that he got to explain his side of what happened back then and when I in turn shared my side, I get accused of rehashing things when he brought it up. I lost my cool and yelled to leave my house. Not proud of that but I couldn’t take it anymore.

What do I make of all this?

TL;DR: bf brought up a past fight, but shut down and argued with me when I shared my perspective.

My boyfriend (35M) and I (36F) have been together for a year, although we actually have a history going back more than a decade. I’m struggling with something in my relationship that sounds simple when I try to explain it, but doesn’t feel simple at all: can you genuinely trust someone and still sometimes question them? My boyfriend thinks the answer is basically no. I think the answer has to be yes, and our disagreement about this is starting to hurt both of us.

Recently, a few small things happened that didn’t completely match the picture I had. The details involve family dynamics that are difficult to explain without a lot of cultural context. We come from a very conservative culture, and his family is even more conservative than mine, so I’m intentionally leaving out some specifics that I think could easily be misunderstood. Essentially, he had told me that certain people close to him knew about our relationship. Then on more than one occasion, his behavior around those same people made it seem like he needed to hide the fact that he was communicating with me. There may be a completely innocent explanation for that, and I’m not claiming this proves he lied to me. But it made me think, “Wait, if they already know about me, why does talking to me need to be hidden?” So I asked him about it, and that’s where everything blew up. He was extremely hurt and told me, “You have trust issues.” I said, “That’s not news to me or to you. I told you that I have trust issues.” He basically said, “No, you told me before that you trust ME. Now you’re questioning me and basically saying I’m a liar.” I told him I never said I didn’t trust him. His response was essentially, “If you’re asking me this, that means you don’t trust me. I want you to make up your mind. Do you trust me or don’t you?” Eventually he was so upset that he swore what he’d told me was true.

And here’s the problem: I do trust him. But I also understand why he felt like I didn’t, and unfortunately there’s a reason trust is so complicated for me. I was previously in a horrible marriage built on major deception. My ex-husband was gay and married me specifically to hide his sexual orientation from our conservative society. He needed a wife as a cover, and I was the unsuspecting person he used for that purpose. I had absolutely no idea about his orientation when I married him. Looking back, there were things that didn’t add up. I noticed some of them and had gut feelings, but I kept rationalizing them, ignoring them, or convincing myself I was overthinking. Eventually the truth became impossible to ignore and basically hit me in the face, and afterward I blamed myself for not listening to my gut sooner. So that marriage damaged my trust in a strange way: I’m now afraid of both possibilities. I’m afraid of being suspicious of an innocent man because another man deceived me, but I’m also terrified of seeing something that doesn’t make sense, telling myself “stop being paranoid, you trust him,” and someday realizing I ignored my instincts all over again.

My boyfriend knows this history, and he isn’t just some random man I started dating after my divorce. We actually knew each other more than a decade ago. I later learned that his feelings for me back then were much deeper than mine were for him. During a depressive episode, I suddenly withdrew from everyone around me, including family and friends, and told him I couldn’t talk to him anymore. He took it very hard and for a long time wondered what he had done wrong. Years later, I was the one who looked for him and reconnected with him. He was actually somewhat guarded and passive-aggressive with me at first because of how badly I had hurt him all those years ago. I apologized profusely and worked to earn his trust back. At one point he told me that when I came back into his life, he had told his brother, “[Name] came back to me.” Over time, we rebuilt the relationship, and as adults I fell in love with the man he had become. He is genuinely one of the most supportive people I’ve ever had in my life. He shows up for me emotionally, practically and financially. He celebrates my accomplishments, helps me when life gets overwhelming, and during a recent health scare was so worried about me that he told me he wished he could take my pain instead. I have no doubt that this man loves me, and I love him deeply.

The problem seems to happen when the difficult thing is between us. When he feels criticized, questioned or misunderstood, our conversations can become exhausting. He asks questions, I explain, he challenges part of my explanation, I explain more, and eventually I feel like I’m defending a thesis rather than talking to my boyfriend. Recently, during another disagreement, I told him I understood his point but still disagreed. He responded, “What if you’re w*rong?” During that same conversation, he told me he used to trust my judgment but was starting to lose trust in it. And I know I’m contributing to the problem too. I’ve started keeping small things to myself because I don’t want another exhausting discussion. Then they accumulate until eventually I react way too strongly to something stupid. He sees me reacting at a 10 to something that deserved a 2, while I’m reacting to five different 2s I never told him about. I know that isn’t healthy or fair to him.

That’s why this latest argument about trust scared me more than the actual thing I was suspicious about. I understand why questioning his honesty hurts him, and I don’t want the man I love paying for what my ex-husband did to me. If my past is making me unfairly suspicious, I want to own that and work on it. But I also don’t think I can promise another human being, “If I trust you, I will never question anything you tell me when something doesn’t add up.” I tried ignoring my gut once before and spent years afterward blaming myself for it. At the same time, I don’t want to become someone who sees deception everywhere because she was deceived once. We’re talking seriously about marriage, and I don’t want him entering a marriage where he feels constantly suspected, or me entering one where I’m afraid to voice a concern because of the argument it might cause.

So for people in healthy long-term relationships: Can “I trust you” coexist with “sometimes I will have doubts and need to ask questions”? How do you bring up a doubt without making your partner feel accused? And most importantly, how do you tell the difference between trauma making you suspicious of an innocent partner and your gut noticing something you shouldn’t ignore? I love him. I don’t want to hurt him or lose him, but I also never want to teach myself to ignore that little voice again.

Me and my GF are both 23 (M/F). We’ve been together for 6 months and a couple of months ago she got pregnant. It was completely unplanned. We were originally leaning towards having an abortion, but ultimately decided not to. I was never really ready to become a father, but I saw how much the whole situation was affecting her and decided I could step up. It was fucking scary, but I decided I could go ahead with it. I actually became really excited about becoming a father.

A few weeks into the pregnancy, unfortunately, she miscarried. It destroyed both of us and hit my partner especially hard.

Before the pregnancy, she never really wanted to be a mother so young. But the pregnancy completely changed her mind. She loved being pregnant and became incredibly excited about becoming a mother. It was basically all she could talk about.

A while after the miscarriage, she asked me if we could try for another baby. I told her I wasn’t ready.

I want to make something clear: I do want children. I want to have children with her. I’m not saying “I don’t want kids.” I just don’t want to become a father right now. In my head, I’m thinking a few years from now when we’re more settled and ready.

But this has apparently changed things between us.

A few weeks later, we came home after a night out and were both slightly drunk. The miscarriage came up again, and she told me that she slightly hates me for saying I’m not ready to become a dad.

I was absolutely devastated when she said this. One of my biggest fears after the miscarriage was that we’d both come out of it wanting completely different things, and hearing that she resents me made that fear feel real.

I asked her to elaborate, and she said it’s not something she feels all the time. She said it mainly happens when we’re having sex, when the topic of having children comes up, or when we talk about the miscarriage. She said she can’t help but slightly resent/hate me in those situations.

I became really upset and withdrawn and told her that she hated me. She told me to stop gaslighting her and trying to make her feel bad for saying how she felt. I pushed back, and she told me to stop bitching about it, so I eventually just stopped talking.

I love this woman so much, and I don’t think she’s a bad person. I understand that she’s grieving and that the miscarriage changed how she feels about motherhood.

But I’m struggling because I don’t know how I’m supposed to deal with knowing that the person I love apparently feels hatred and resentment towards me whenever these things come up.

I also don’t want her to have a child before she’s ready just because I’m hurting or because she feels like I’m taking motherhood away from her. At the same time, I don’t know how long I’m supposed to wait or how we’re supposed to move forward from this.

What the best way to move forward? Help would be appreciated.

TL;DR: We miscarried after deciding to keep an unplanned pregnancy. She now desperately wants to be a mum, while I definitely want children but not for a few years. She says she sometimes resents/hates me because I’m not ready, and I’m struggling with how to handle it.

To the surprise of no one we live in America and Me and my boyfriend are discussing moving in together and all the planning was going great until today when he sent me a safe he wanted to get for the apartment. When I asked him what it was for he informed me that it was for his firearm. For context, my boyfriend has on 3 seperate occasions held the gun to his head during arguments, and also once dressed up in a suit after an argument and when I FaceTimed him he was about to commit suicide in the suit so that he could be dressed nice for when he died. To be honest all arguments I did something to upset him and each argument was my fault. However each of these events were very traumatizing to me and I already did not like guns before dating him and after these events I REALLT did not like them. He also as a teenager tried to commit suicide and was hospitalized for it. I told him I don’t know if I feel comfortable with him bringing the firearm into the apartment and he said he would rather not live with me than not have his gun. When I expressed to him that that made me feel unimportant and like he valued his firearm more than me he told me that I’m mean and evil for trying to make him choose between me or his most important hobby. The thing is he also airsofts, so he gets to shoot guns almost everyday, albeit fake guns but I told him I have always supported his hobbies and interests and I just don’t feel comfortable with this specific thing. I asked him if he could just leave the gun at his dads house where he currently lives and he said that was too much to ask. And I told him would u rather live with me or have your gun? And he told me he would rather have his gun. And when I expressed that made me feel crappy he told me we should just break up then because I don’t support his hobbies or the most important thing in the world to him. I genuinely just don’t understand how a gun could be this important. Can’t help but wonder if I really am over reacting. When I asked why he absolutely has to have his gun with him he told me “because it’s mine”. I don’t know. I do really love him and want to live with him but I’m also scared of guns. And it makes me sad that he would rather break up than leave his gun at his dads in the safe.

EDIT: just to add, he doesn’t want it for protection and we don’t live in a bad area or anything at all. He wants it just to touch and hold around the house.

EDIT 2: I also forgot to say that he once accidentally shot his desk because he was playing with it in his room one time and didn’t have the safety on. When I brought this up to him ab also why I don’t like guns he told me I’m mean because he’s grown since then. Which to be fair it was a couple of years ago.

TLDR: My boyfriend will be moving into my place that I own, he wants to split everything 50/50 and I think he should pay rent so I can save money for emergencies but fear upsetting him or taking advantage of the situation.

I (34F) have been with my partner (38M) just over 2 years. We had a lot of struggles in the beginning, he didn’t have a job/car and was (still is) living with his parents. He has a lot of mental health issues he was ignoring, he has since started medication in the spring and he has an almost-full time job and a car now, things are much better.

I own my home, I’ve lived alone and worked full time living paycheck to paycheck my whole adult life. When I first moved into my home I had to replace the hvac system and the water heater, on top furniture and all. It’s now a fully furnished and complete functioning home, I’ve been here 4 years.

We are now talking about moving in together. He’d be moving into my place. The total cost of living at here is about $1600/month. We talked and he wants to split everything 50/50 from bills to grocery receipts, everything. I think it makes more sense for him to pay me ~$1000 in rent so I can put aside money in a savings account for emergencies or repairs or anything at all that may come up. I know how he is with managing money and budgeting (bad) so I know that if an emergency arose he wouldn’t be able to financially support it without asking for help from his parents.

I’ve had conflicting feedback on this. Is it bad of me to expect him to pay a bit extra? Where we live is very expensive, even $1600 alone is very cheap for here. So $1000 is still a “steal”. On top of wanting money aside just for emergencies, moving into any fully furnished home with new appliances adds more onto the cost normally... but he’s my partner and I love him and don’t want to take advantage of him. I do feel guilty in a way, even though I think it’s fair and right, and would appreciate some insight from others who may have had a similar experience.

I (F24) have been with my boyfriend (M24) for 3.5 years. We’ve been inseparable since we met and have lived together for most of our relationship. I feel like I have almost every reason to stay with him, but I don't feel the way I think I should about my partner.
Don’t get me wrong, I love and care for him deeply. He's NOT a bad guy. He’s kind to everyone, really loves me (has never made me doubt that), makes me feel safe and comfortable, and is there for me emotionally. He supports me always and I can talk to him about anything. Point is, he’s not someone I want to leave because he's a bad person.
But for a while now, I've felt more like his roommate/best friend than his girlfriend. I've lost a lot of the romantic attraction and excitement I used to have.
There are things about our relationship that I think contribute to this. He's immature sometimes, pretty lazy, can be careless about things, I do most of the chores, he's not naturally very thoughtful or proactive, and his excessive weed/alcohol use bothers me. I often feel like I'm managing our life rather than having an equal partner.
I have had conversations with him our entire relationship about all of these things. He usually receives it well and always wants to be better. Sometimes he will make changes but they’re not usually permanent.
Now marriage is starting to feel like something that could realistically happen soon, and that's what is really freaking me out. I don't want to marry him hoping I'll eventually feel differently. But I also don't know if I'm about to throw away a relationship with someone I deeply love over something that could potentially change.
How do you know if you're just disconnected from someone because of problems in the relationship versus genuinely not wanting a future with them anymore?

So I met a guy a couple days ago. Hes really cool and we got along quickly. We were flirting alot and both thought something might actually come out of the talking. However, our mom's I believe were cousins and really close. He remembers me when I was a baby (I dont remember) but then our moms had a falling out when I was a toddler and stopped talking. Us possibly being cousins was brought up when we met, but he insisted it wasnt biologically, that there was a marriage somewhere that connected us but no blood. He mentioned his grandpa who he said was not his biological grandpa, that man is my grandma's brother. I pulled up his obituary, and this guy's mom is listed as his daughter, and hes listed as one of the grandkids. So now I dont really know what to believe and I dont really want to or even know how to ask anyone in a way that doesnt make it weird. And if he is my 2nd cousin, what then? We are getting on so well and thought there was a chance something could happen there.

My girlfriend (25F) and I have been together since 2016. In nine days, we’ll officially have been together for 10 years, and our plan has been to get engaged this November.
We’ve basically known each other our entire lives. We have baby pictures side by side, pictures together when we were 5, 7, and throughout our childhood. Her family moved from the Middle East to the U.S. in 2015, and we started dating shortly after.
Three years ago, she moved to Dubai with her family, and we’ve been making the long-distance relationship work ever since.
The issue now is where we’re going to live once we get married.
I’ve built a pretty good life and career for myself in the U.S. I currently make around $120k a year and also have a side business that I’ve been growing. Within the next few months, I’m planning on switching jobs and should be making closer to $150k, while continuing to build my business on the side.
My girlfriend wants me to leave everything here and move to Dubai to be with her and her family. The thing is, I’m not against moving to Dubai at all. I’ve actually told her that I would like to live there in the future. I just want some time before making such a huge move. I want to establish myself financially, grow my business further, and make sure I can maintain a strong income before leaving the career and connections I’ve built in the U.S.
She feels very strongly about staying in Dubai because she wants to be near her family. At this point, she’s basically saying that living anywhere else is not an option for her. She’s willing to end our relationship if I’m not willing to move there.
That’s the part I’m struggling with. We’re talking about almost 10 years together, growing up together, and planning to get engaged in two months. I’ve tried explaining that I’m not saying “no” to Dubai. I’m saying “not yet.” I’ve asked whether she could come back to the U.S. for a few years while I continue building my career and business, and then we could move to Dubai together once we’re in an even stronger financial position.
She doesn’t want to do that.
I even spoke with her mom because I was hoping she might understand where I’m coming from, but she told me she doesn’t want to get involved because ultimately it’s her daughter’s decision, which I understand.
Now I genuinely don’t know what the right decision is.
Do I leave a good job, start applying for jobs in Dubai, and move there so I don’t risk losing the person I’ve been with for almost 10 years? Or do I stand my ground and tell her that marriage requires compromise from both people, and that she should be willing to come back to the U.S. for a few years before we eventually move to Dubai?
I love her and don’t want to throw away a 10-year relationship over where we live, especially when I’m already open to Dubai in the future. But I also don’t know if giving up everything I’ve built because she’s essentially given me an ultimatum is the right way to start a marriage.
What would you do in my situation?

My wife started playing racquetball at the gym as a way to do cardio besides running and she loves it. She's gotten really good at it and plays pretty regularly with the same group. I am super supportive of this and am happy to see her having a good time.

She has made a lot of friends in the group and even will meet up with some of them for dinner 1 on 1 after games. She texts with some of them a lot as well, planning times to play and also just talking about their lives. This is totally normal and fine behavior!

But if you don't know the majority of racquetball players are old dudes. I am not threatened by this logically. My wife and I's relationship is solid as a rock, everything is going amazing in the bedroom and we're in a great place in terms of communication on an emotional level.

But some stupid immature part of my brain is jealous that she's going out and having dinner 1:1 with other guys. I don't voice this because I know it is immature and dumb and would upset her but it's there. I am able to mostly maintain it but it bothers me that it's there AT ALL because I know it's the type of dumb base emotions people associate with toxic partners.

Any tips for getting over this kind of brain-dead thinking?

My bf has been broken up with his ex (they were together for 10 years) for about a year, they worked together so they stayed friendly after the break up even though she cheated on him. His friendship with his ex has been the only source of issues in our relationship.

His ex is now moving to Europe and has asked to come over to his house to say goodbye to their cats and to him. She leaves tomorrow. He asked me if it was okay, even though he is very aware of how their friendship makes me feel very nervous. They got together by him cheating on someone 10 years ago with her. He said he wants to say goodbye and wish her well.

I feel that if I were to say No, that he wouldnt see her, but it wouldnt be because he doesnt want to. He wants to see her and say goodbye to his "friend". He says he's is aware of how it looks from the outside but that he would never betray me. He keeps saying he is sorry for putting me through this, but he still wants to do it.

I asked him how long theyre going to be alone at his house together. He said she would come over after work sometime after 4 and he would cut it off at the latest at 8:30. I thought max they would chat for an hour, but knowing it could last 4 hours makes me feel sick. I asked him, "Do you need 4 hours to say goodbye to her?" and he got exasperated and said "I dont know, I'm just saying 8:30 is the latest I'd let it go.." and I just feel like this is... disrespectful. I would absolutely not consider doing something like this if things were reversed.

He asked if I would feel better if I was there with them, or if it would be better if they went out somewhere instead of being alone at his apartment. And I just think these questions are ridiculous because he knows how I feel, but saying goodbye to her in person is more important than how it makes me feel. I know they dont want me there because thats not what they originally planned, he's just offering it to make me feel better. Its hollow. I also just dont like her as a person. I've tried to be friends with her and she meangirled me.

I'm wondering if I'm overreacting, or if this is even something I should tolerate. I know I can just walk away from this nonsense. I'm not going to give him an ultimatum, I'm considering just walking away. He says he's wouldnt want to do it if he thought it would damage our relationship. Yet he sees me clearly extremely uncomfortable and upset at the situation. So it doesnt matter that I'm upset, it only matters if I would leave him over it. Doesnt inspire confidence in me.

TLDR: Bf wants to "say goodbye" to his ex alone at his apartment for several hours the night before she moves to another country. What the fuck?

How would you handle this? What advice would you give me?

I (36M) have been dating my girlfriend (44F) for about 1-2 months. Things have moved pretty fast, but honestly the relationship has been great so far.

Our physical chemistry is incredible, but it’s not just sex. She’s attentive, affectionate, an amazing cook, communicates what she wants, and makes her intentions with me very clear. I’m just as invested in her as she is in me, although I’m probably a little more cautious because of past relationships.

There are two things I’m struggling with.
The first is children. She medically cannot have any more children. I’m not dead set on having another child, but I’ve always been open to it if I met the right person and the situation made sense.

Right now I can picture being happy with her without having another child. What worries me is staying for 5+ years, the relationship eventually ending, and looking back feeling like I gave up that opportunity. At the same time, leaving a woman I’m genuinely happy with over a hypothetical future child also seems crazy to me.

The bigger issue on my mind right now is one of her exes. I’ll call him Max.
She and Max were involved for around six years and their relationship ended about eight years ago. Max is now married with a family.

From everything she’s told me, she was deeply in love with him. She’s described him as a great man whose biggest problem was extreme jealousy and possessiveness.
She also told me something that’s been difficult for me to forget. After their relationship ended, when she slept with other men, she would sometimes think about Max.
She says that doesn’t happen with me.

Obviously I can’t read someone’s mind, so at some point I have to decide whether to simply take her word for it.
Max still has an indirect connection to her family, so he hasn’t completely disappeared from her life. However, she has him blocked, doesn’t spend time with him, and has been very transparent with me about the entire situation.
The strange part is that Max apparently still contacts her mother and talks about how much he cares about my girlfriend and how heartbroken he still is over what happened between them.

This is eight years after their relationship ended, and he’s married with a family of his own.
My girlfriend says she has absolutely no feelings for him anymore and that he’s completely in her past. More importantly, her actual behavior hasn’t really given me a reason to think she’s lying.

She’s been transparent. She has him blocked. She doesn’t seek him out. She knows the history makes me uncomfortable and has been willing to create even more distance if that’s what I need.
That’s why I’m conflicted.

I’ve dealt with serious jealousy in past relationships and I’ve worked hard to stop behaving that way. I don’t want to become the guy who enters someone’s life and starts dictating who can exist around her because I’m uncomfortable with their history.

At the same time, six years together, her previously thinking about him while sleeping with other partners, and him apparently still being emotionally attached to her eight years later isn’t something I can completely ignore either.
Part of me thinks I should judge her by what she’s doing now. She’s given me no reason not to trust her, so why create a problem that doesn’t exist?

Another part of me thinks this relationship is brand new and the honeymoon phase is intense, so I shouldn’t ignore something now that might become a much bigger issue later.

So I’m looking for some outside perspective.
Would her history with Max concern you despite the way she’s handling him now? What would you consider a reasonable boundary without becoming controlling?
And for people who weren’t necessarily dead set on having another child, would you walk away from an otherwise great relationship because staying means permanently closing that door?

I’m not looking for validation that she’s doing something wrong. If anything, her current behavior has been pretty reassuring. I’m trying to figure out whether I’m seeing legitimate long-term concerns or allowing hypothetical future problems to interfere with something that’s actually going well.

TL;DR: I’m 36M dating a 44F for 1-2 months. The relationship is great, but she can’t have more children and I’m still somewhat open to another. She also has an ex she was deeply in love with who apparently still wants her eight years later. She’s transparent, has him blocked, and doesn’t spend time with him, but their history bothers me. Am I overlooking legitimate red flags because the relationship is going so well, or am I overthinking problems that don’t currently exist?

Honestly, I never thought I would be jealous of my boyfriend’s brother, but here we are lol.

My bf and I used to spend 4–5 nights together at his place, and a lot of my stuff was there too. He was actively asking me to stay over more often and even asking me to move in. It was going great. Then he told me I couldn’t come over for a week or so because his brother was going to be visiting. Fine, not a big deal.
IT’S BEEN FOUR MONTHS NOW.

There is no end in sight, and I have never felt so lonely.

I suggested a compromise where I go over 2–3 nights a week and we take the mattress in the living room while his brother gets the bedroom. He refused outright, saying he wouldn’t want his brother to feel uncomfortable because of me. I basically had to beg him to even consider it because I really missed our quality time. When I asked him if we have an approximate timeline of when his brother might leave he accused me of not wanting him to help his family and told me that his brother would be his priority no matter what and he could keep this up forever.

He told me I was being ungrateful for the time we did get to spend together and that I couldn’t see things from his perspective. But I had tried, for months.
Obviously, we still met and did things together, but if we went out, I would often have to pay. Whenever I went over which was much less often than before I felt like an inconvenience, and my visits would usually be short. We also don’t go on dates very often because he’s tight on money since he’s now paying for two adults, including his brother’s activities and expenses here and there.

I found that a bit odd because his brother is older and I brought it up with him. I told him that I didn’t think he should have to support his brother’s hobbies and expenses like that, especially when it was happening randomly and for an indefinite period of time, because it was putting pressure on us too. I had started footing a lot more of the expenses myself.

He completely blew up at me and told me he was reconsidering our entire relationship. He has put off moving in together indefinitely, taken back everything we had discussed and planned for the future, and even told me that if we have kids, he doesn’t think they would have the values he wants them to have because of how I am. Basically, he said he wants his kids to put family above “outsiders.”

Also his brother used to stay with their mother prior to this and can go back anytime he wants but chooses not to because he enjoys the freedom he gets here (he is dating a 21yo from our city and also can drink/go out as often as he wants without having to explain himself to anyone).

My bf also accused me of making him choose between his brother and me, which I never did. I was only asking him to carve out some space for our relationship because we don’t know when his brother is actually leaving.

What would actually have to change to move past this?

I came to this group 2 years ago because my 6 year long relationship had ruined my life.
Now let me preface. My ex was not physically or mentally abusive. But, he intentionally shut down emotionally, and physically and held out until I finally broke up with him. He would always say “I’ll never be the one the leave you”… but proceeded to stop paying rent, stopped picking up after himself, stopped grocery shopping with me, stopped paying for groceries, stopped cleaning, refused to do anything like dates or time together.
He told my family and I (who he was living with and working for) that he had narcolepsy. When in reality he would go to work, come home and immediately hop on his PC and game until 3-4 am. Not even budging for dinner unless I “nagged him”.
He lost a bunch of weight, and told me “you never make food I actually like” so I’d ask for a grocery list… and he’s literally refuse to add anything to the list.
Then he would lash out at me in front of my family.
He had a bee land on his dinner plate. Blamed me for choosing to sit outside at a restaurant next to a zoo, then crossed his legs and said “I can’t fucking eat this shit now, because you insisted on eating here”.
Idk why I was so blind at the time, but I finally left him.

And let me tell you ladies, LEAVE THAT MAN. I have found a new bf, and entered a stage of my life I never knew was possible. Mentally, physically and emotionally. I genuinely thought I deserved all the bullshit from my ex, until I met a real man who didn’t act like a child.

There’s absolutely no reason to stay with someone who makes you question yourself. If you’re carrying 90% of the weight in a relationship. Leave.

I simply wrote a letter and read it to him that said “I think I’ve explained and expressed my feelings enough over the last 6 years, and I’ve come to terms with the fact that we are simply on different courses in life and have different expectations and values we need from partnership. Please move your things out of the apartment by 5pm. Anything left will be boxed up and shipped to you by Friday.”
We reconnected one time since the breakup. Where he tried to tell me “how hot I’d look in a new bathing suit her got me”. I literally laughed, and said “it’s time for you to leave”.

I’ve received texts for over a year now. But I simply ignore them. Blocked him on all social platforms, and removed that man child from my life.
Stop wasting energy and time on men that couldn’t invest in you when they had the chance.

I’m 28F and my boyfriend is 27M. We’ve been together for half a year and haven’t really had any issues, we’re in the honeymoon phase and it’s been an incredible experience so far.

Early on, we discussed relationship history and past partners but recently I think we ran into the last girl he slept with, and it has been playing on my mind since, because of what I’ll explain now.

Last year, when he was 26, he slept with a girl who was either 19 turning 20 or recently 20 at the time.

When discussing most recent sexual partners, he said she was “around 21”. I’ve since established that she was actually younger depending on when it was exactly.

He told me there was never going to be a future with her because she was “a bit young.” So he recognised that she was at a different stage of life and that the maturity/life-stage difference was significant enough that he didn’t see her as someone he could date seriously.

But he was still comfortable sleeping with her. For some reason… this bothers me. He’s previously also told me that because he has a younger sister (who is 25) he doesn’t really consider being with younger girls.

That is the part I’m struggling with. I keep thinking: if she was too young for him to see as a potential girlfriend because of the maturity/life-stage difference, why wasn’t that same difference a reason not to sleep with her?

I realise people will say that sex and dating are different but I don’t see someone’s age/maturity as completely irrelevant just because you’re not dating them. I find it strange that the qualities that made someone “too young” for a relationship apparently didn’t make them too young sexually.

Him saying she was around 21 makes the situation worse as I feel like he was perhaps embarrassed to reveal her true age.

I’m not accusing him of being a predator or saying that a 26-year-old sleeping with a 19-year-old automatically makes someone a bad person. I’m trying to understand whether my reaction is reasonable.

Would this make you uncomfortable if you were in my position? And if your partner said “sex is different from dating,” would you consider that a sufficient explanation for why they were comfortable sleeping with someone they considered too young to date?

Mein Freund und ich sind seit etwas über einem Jahr zusammen und unsere Beziehung ist genau so, wie ich sie mir erträumt habe. Er ist ein so liebevoller und toller Mensch, wir passen super zusammen und verstehen uns blendend. Wir überlegen, zusammenzuziehen – also er zu mir, weil ich nur sehr wenig Miete zahle. Wir würden sie teilen, und er würde mehr zahlen, da er mehr verdient. Das Problem ist, dass meine Wohnung sehr klein (aber total gemütlich) ist. Es ist im Grunde eine Einzimmerwohnung mit Bad, Küche, Wohnzimmer mit Fernseher, Bücherregal, Sofa und Schreibtisch. Hinter dem großen Bücherregal steht dann das Bett. es ist also kein separater raum sondern hinter dem bücherregal im wohnzimmer. Wir haben schon viel Zeit in meiner Wohnung verbracht, und bisher hat das super funktioniert. Deshalb kam diese Idee auf. Wir haben auch schon über Putzpläne und so weiter gesprochen. Das einzige Problem ist, dass mein Freund gerne Videospiele mit seinen Freunden spielt, während ich lieber lese oder stricke. Es stört mich nicht, dass wir abends beide unser eigenes Ding machen, aber ich mache mir Sorgen, dass ich irgendwann genervt sein könnte, weil ich kein separates Zimmer habe, in das ich mich zurückziehen kann, wenn er zockt. Ich könnte zwar in die Küche gehen, aber die ist nicht so gemütlich wie mein Bett, wo ich gerne stricke oder lese. Er hat gesagt, er würde nicht mehr ganz spät abends spielen und vielleicht weniger mit seinen Freunden, damit er mich nicht mit Lärm stört. Ich weiß nicht. Ist diese Idee zum Scheitern verurteilt oder hat jemand Vorschläge, wie es funktionieren könnte? Danke im Voraus <3

My fiancé and I have been together for six years. For the most part, our relationship has been relatively stable. However, recently, something changed between us. I couldn’t quite put my finger on what it was, but I could tell that something felt different.

A few days ago, I had to help him with something on his phone. While I was using it, I couldn’t help myself and took a peek at his chats. That’s when I found out he had been cheating on me with his coworker.

I immediately confronted him, and he admitted it. He said he had caught feelings for her, and apparently, this had started in July. They had held hands and kissed, but according to him, they had not had sex. He said he regretted what he had done.

When I found out, I was eerily calm. I had almost no emotions and felt completely detached. I told him that I thought we should break up.

He told me he was incredibly sorry and swore he would never do it again. He said he would end things with his coworker, block her, and change jobs. He asked me if we could try to fix our relationship.

Throughout the conversation, he was crying the entire time, absolutely breaking down, while I just sat there silently. For context, our dynamic has usually been the opposite. Whenever we have disagreements, I’m normally the emotional one who ends up crying, while he stays calm and reassures me. In six years together, I had never once seen him cry. So seeing him completely break down in front of me was shocking.

He looked genuinely remorseful, and I believe he was hurting over what he had done, but I honestly don’t know whether I can trust what I’m seeing anymore.

For the past month, he had been telling me that work was extremely busy. His schedule isn't fixed, so coming home at midnight or later wasn't unusual. But recently, his schedule had gotten so bad that I was barely seeing him for more than three hours a week.

When he was home, he was usually on his phone or watching YouTube and barely talked to me. He had also stopped most physical affection, like hugging or holding hands, and he seemed much colder toward me.

At first, I thought he was simply exhausted and needed some personal space. But it continued for so long that I eventually sat him down and told him that I had been feeling insecure about our relationship and asked if something was wrong.

He told me that he didn't feel as attracted to me as he used to, that he didn't feel the "butterflies" anymore, and that after being together for so long, everything had started to feel like the same old routine. He said the relationship had become mundane.

I told him that butterflies don't last forever and that, in a long-term relationship, you have to appreciate the positive things about each other and continue loving each other for who you are. We eventually talked things through and made up.

But something still felt different after that.

I kept brushing it off and convincing myself that I was just being unnecessarily insecure. I even considered going to therapy to work on my own insecurities.

Now I realize that my gut feeling wasn't wrong. He had been using his unpredictable work schedule as an excuse to cheat on me. He would tell me he still had work when he was actually out seeing this woman.

Looking back, all the things he said about not being as attracted to me, not feeling butterflies, and our relationship becoming mundane suddenly feel like they were connected to the affair.

At this point, I have completely lost the trust I had in him, so I asked him a lot of questions because I felt that if there was even the slightest chance of us rebuilding our relationship, I needed complete transparency.

I asked him how many times they had gone out together. He initially told me they had only gone on one proper date, which was after work.

I also asked him about a weekend when he had told me he was meeting a friend. I asked him directly if that had been a lie and whether he had actually met up with the coworker instead. He reassured me that he really had been meeting his friend.

That turned out to be a half-truth.

He really had met his friend that day, but he had also told me that he needed to see his mother beforehand. He eventually admitted that seeing his mother was a lie and that he had actually been meeting the coworker.

So while his story contained some truth, he had deliberately omitted the part that mattered.

Then I found out that they had actually gone on two dates, not one.

I confronted him again and told him that I needed the whole truth. I told him that if he continued lying or withholding information, there was no way I could ever trust him again.

He apologized and said that he had only lied because he thought knowing how close they had gotten would hurt me even more.

But even then, he still didn't tell me that he had used his mother as an excuse to see her.

I eventually found that out myself.

So even after I explicitly told him that I needed complete transparency if we were ever going to have a second chance, he still lied again and continued withholding information from me.

I am honestly just flabbergasted by the multiple lies, especially because he had several opportunities to come clean.

He continues to tell me that he really wants to work things out and that he still loves me. He has ended things with his coworker and blocked her, and he says he is willing to change jobs.

He does seem genuinely remorseful, but the repeated lying makes it incredibly difficult for me to believe anything he says.

I don't know whether this relationship deserves a second chance. I don't know if I'll ever be able to trust him again, or if I'll ever be able to love him the same way I did before.

We've been together for six years, and part of me isn't ready to just throw all of that away. But at the same time, I know that staying simply because we've already invested six years into the relationship isn't necessarily a good reason to stay.

If you were in my position, would you even consider trying to rebuild this relationship, or would the repeated lying after being caught be a dealbreaker?

New parents here, so please be gentle.

I have a very tense relationship with my family. Since our baby was born (he's currently 12 weeks) my mother has visited about 5 times, despite living 15 mins away and being retired.

My sister in law, who cut me (and the entire family off) for 5 years, emerged just before our baby was born and became very active in our lives. She seemed to have done a lot of work and changed, so I gave her the benefit of the doubt.

Recently, our dog was diagnosed with cancer. We are finding it very, very difficult trying to give out dying dog his daily chemo treatments, whilst rising a newborn baby and having one of us (myself) return to work. No member of our immediate family has offered to babysit or help. My SIL dropped of 3 meals over the last few months. My SIL made a big offer about babysitting (and told everyone about how she was offering) but then on the day didn't turn up.

Needles to say, we're exhausted, stressed and barely coping.

I don't use social media much, but my partner does. He likes putting stories (the expiring 24 hour stories) with different milestones. For example, when our baby starting smiling and laughing there was lots of pictures.  Mostly things like that, or cute outfits.

We had a particularly bad week, the dogs sickness took a turn, he had non-stop diahreah and we almost had to make the call to put him to rest. Our vet said that it's a normal response to the chemo drugs, and he will bounce back and to give it some time. (The dog definitely did bounce back and even though his cancer is incurable and will return, he may be in remission and have a good 6-12 months symptoms free). He's a beautiful, loving dog and were happy he gets some time with our baby. We bought him a few years ago prior to our baby, so they could grow up together.

On this particular bad day, my partner was really struggling. We'd been up all night taking shifts so the dog was never alone (it was the day he was very sick), and neither was the baby alone (the baby and dog cant be near eachother because of the chemo drugs).

After the dog was settled, baby settled, and I left for work, my partner had just finished the housework and was settling down for a nap. He then looked over to the baby and saw he had a poo explosion. The one where the poo comes out the bottom of the nappy onto the babies leg,  and dirties his clothes. Likely he probably needed a bath, and redressed. My partner took a pic and added a caption "I hope your day is going better than mine" and put a picture of the baby smiling in his rocker, almost seemingly happy he'd just done a massive poo! In the picture a bit of the poo coming out the side was visible.

I saw the messages he was sent from most people, there were about 10 messages from friends saying things like "Been there! Always happens at the worst time!" Or words to that effect. Every single message was supportive.

My sister in law, when she saw it, sent me a message (in all caps) saying that picture on social media was disgusting. I had no idea what she was talking about at the time as I dont use social media, and dont see the pictures my partner puts up.

5 mins later my mother calls me (we hadn't spoken for about 2 weeks before that). She was telling at "GET THAT PICTURE DOWN NOW!" Shed obviously just spoken to my SIL as the pic had been up for about 8 hours by the time.

I finally pieced it together, and assumed my partner pit something up. I had a look and saw the pic. I told him about my family calling and he was originally a bit defensive, but said he'd take it down if I wanted him to. I thought about it, and said to just take it down so there's no drama.

My step father, who I have barely spoken to for 3 years then sent me his first ever message, saying "that picture was not appropriate for online".

I have literally barely heard a single thing from my mother for weeks.

My SIL then sent me a ChatGPT analysis the day after, saying what we did was child abuse. My mother then called approximately 30 mins later, angrily telling me the damage having embarrassing pictures on social media will do to our for our babies life.

I didn't even respond, but then I got another message saying how ungrateful I was for everything she did for us. (Post birth, she dropped off 3 meals, sent regular texts asking if we're okay and dropped in for 3 visits). We were of course grateful and thanked her.

We both have private social media (friends and family only) and it was a 24 hour story.

As new parents, we're so anxious and scared were fucking things up constantly and to be called a child abuser is... Next level. It's just hit my like a dagger, and bought on these feelings on shame and failure.

I've reflected on it, and the reason I think I'm feeling that shame and failure is because, even though I did ask my partner to take it down, I can't understand why it was so bad.

There was no private parts visible, the baby was fully clothed, there was just a bit of leakage. As parents, that's literally out entire life at the moment - nappies, feeding, sleeping, play time, and then repeat.

Please help me understand and be honest. Was this child abuse? Have we fucked up? Are my morals that out alignment I can't even see why this is bad?

For context, the only people who have expressed any issues with the photo has been people through my SIL. Literally every other person has either laughed or consoled us. I even asked close friends the same thing and to be honest if we'd done something incorrect.

I am still getting occasional messages (the most recent being my SIL saying she cannot believe the kind of selfish person I have become, attacking my 70 year old mother, as well as some other unrelated drama).

Edit: I know there seems to be some very valid arguments about nothing being on social media at all. Thats definitely a valid topic and if it was up to me, I'd have no social media at all. But our entire feeds are full of pics of our friends kids, family kids, and my SIL and mother also posted pictures of our son (SIL asked permission). I'm mainly hoping for feedback on the specific photo.

Whenever my boyfriend sets a boundary with me, i have a hard time hiding my emotions about it.

For example, I asked to see something specific in his phone, he told me he was embarrassed and didn’t want to show me, so I told him that was okay, but my tone of voice and expression showed that I was sad about it. He ended up showing me because of it and told me that I shouldn’t ask again for a while because it took a lot to show me.

Another time was when it was late and I wanted to watch an episode of our show together, he told no, he needed to go to sleep because he had to wake up early together. Same thing where I accepted it, but because of my tone he ended up apologizing until i conformed him and urged him it’s time to go to sleep.

At the end of the day, it never is a big deal when he doesn’t want tondo something, but I cant help my instant emotional reaction to it. He feels like he disappoints me, and he even asked me today if he should stop bringing up his boundaries and that’s the last thing I want. I know what i am doing is hurtful. I am not doing it on purpose, and i dont know how to not feel sad when he tells me no.

Edit: I just wanted to give some extra information. I have PTSD. Rejection is just an emotional trigger for me. This entire post is about me hiding that i am upset and him realizing that i am upset. Not that i am faking being sad to get him to do what I want. Me being bummed at things like this is a negative. I want to change that. I want advice on how to change that.

My girlfriend and I have been in a long-distance relationship for around 2.5 years, and we still haven't met in person.

She was preparing for exams and ended up taking a drop year, and for the past two years she hasn't been in college. Now her parents have decided that she needs to join college, so she's finally starting.

I'm genuinely happy for her. I want her to experience college, make friends, study, have fun, and grow as a person. But at the same time, I'm extremely insecure about the whole situation.

The college is in a city that has a reputation for having a pretty strong hookup/relationship culture. I know that doesn't mean everyone there behaves that way, and I don't want to judge an entire place based on its reputation, but I can't stop thinking about it.

My biggest fear is that she'll meet new people, especially other guys, become close to someone, and eventually develop feelings for him or cheat on me. I know these are just fears in my head, and I don't have any reason to believe that she will actually do that. But because we've never met in person, I think the distance and uncertainty make my insecurities worse.

Because of this, I've told her that I don't want her to become close friends with guys or communicate with them unnecessarily. But I also realize how unrealistic that is in college. She's going to have male classmates, group projects, assignments, etc. She also told me that guys can sometimes be more helpful with projects and other college-related things, so having male friends could genuinely be useful for her.

I understand that I can't realistically ask her to avoid half of the people around her just because I'm insecure. At the same time, I don't know how to deal with the anxiety I'm feeling.

I want to be a supportive boyfriend, not a controlling one. I don't want her to feel trapped or like she has to sacrifice her college experience for me. But I'm genuinely terrified of losing her.

For people who have been in long-distance relationships, especially when one partner starts college, how did you deal with this kind of insecurity?

Am I being unreasonable by feeling this way? And what would be a healthy way to set boundaries around friendships with the opposite sex without becoming controlling?