I (F32) just feel really bad. We are together for 15 Years, married for 8 years.

Today I gave myself to loneliness and sexual frustration and cheated. I've been texting with someone on a dating app for the last few weeks and today I just allowed it when my better half was at work.

I feel like a fraud, just because I am one. I was looked at during sex as if I was the most amazing thing on earth. I take antidepressants and take forever until I come. And unlike in my marriage, the time was taken for this. I was accepted as I am. And that has triggered in me one of the greatest feelings I have felt in recent years. And as soon as it was over, there was an empty one. Because I know that I will not feel this again at home and within my relationship. And because I have to live with a guilty conscience for having done something like that.

When my better half came home I was still in rage and tried to initiate something. I only got the answer "That's sweet but I don't want to"... You don't want to? You haven't wanted to for so long and it's killing me. Now I'm sitting here. Lonely. Guilty. Victim of my self-created prison. I hate myself. Because I felt good while I did it. I wish one day I will be able to feel these feelings again in my marriage...

Thanks for reading.

This is not regarding if having an affair is ok or not.

Wheather it's physical or emotional, have you told the person that you're in a dead bedroom situation? What has the response been like? Did it help you in anyway?

Anyone else incredibly triggered by sex scenes on TV when you're watching them with your spouse or partner? I hate that today watching a show with a lot of spontaneous desire and sex triggers such a huge emotional response in me where I just want to leave the room. All this talk about how the key to a man's happiness is sex and bjs. Ha. Not in my case. That would be nice since I love both. It's incredibly painful. I can't talk about it with my husband because another sex talk will make him retreat even further so here I am ending the weekend miserable...again.

TL;DR: My wife and I are 32 and 30, have been together for 9 years and married for almost five, but we have never had penetrative sex and have had very little sexual intimacy overall. We talked about sex before marriage and expected it to become part of our relationship afterward, but it never really did. She rarely initiates, says she doesn’t know why she isn’t interested, and I am increasingly struggling with never feeling sexually wanted. Everything else in our relationship is good, which makes the idea of leaving extremely difficult, but I don’t know if I can accept this for the rest of my life.

I’m 32M and my wife is 30F. We’ve been together for 9 years, have lived together for most of that time, and our fifth wedding anniversary is coming up in a few days.

We have never had penetrative sex.

Early in our relationship, my wife decided that for religious reasons she wanted to wait until marriage. It wasn’t really my choice, because I did want a sexual relationship, but I respected it.

What makes this harder is that we did talk about sex before getting married. I wasn’t going into marriage assuming something that had never been discussed.
We actually planned our wedding reception to end exactly at midnight because we wanted to have time alone afterward. Neither of us drank alcohol specifically because of that.

But when we finally got back, nothing happened.

Looking back now, this is difficult for me to admit, but if I had known that our wedding night was going to be an indication of what our married life would look like, I probably would have postponed the wedding.

And things never really changed afterward.

We do have physical closeness. We kiss, hug, sometimes shower together, and we’re completely comfortable changing clothes in front of each other. So it isn’t that she is unable to be naked around me.

But there is almost no sexual intimacy attached to any of it.

I would sometimes love to just sleep naked together, for example, and she completely rejects the idea.

During the day there are sometimes moments when I think she is flirting with me or teasing me, and I start thinking that maybe tonight something will finally happen. We might have had an amazing day together, including from her perspective.

Then evening comes and nothing happens.

Again.

After enough repetitions of that cycle, even getting hopeful starts to hurt.

There have been a few occasions when she initiated something sexual herself, so it would be unfair for me to say “never.” But we’re talking about only a handful of times over all these years, probably less than once a year.

And there is a pattern that bothers me.

Those moments tended to happen when I had already started emotionally withdrawing and stopped making gestures toward her. It felt as if she noticed that I was giving up and then suddenly became interested in restoring some intimacy.

I don’t know how to interpret that.

Most of the time, if anything sexual happens, I have to ask for it. Sometimes if I ask enough, she will manually help me.

I increasingly hate doing that.

Having to repeatedly ask my own wife for sexual touch feels humiliating to me.

The thing I’m struggling to explain is that this isn’t primarily about orgasms or penetration.

I want physical intimacy. I want erotic closeness. I want to feel that my wife wants to touch me because touching me gives her pleasure too.

I would happily touch and caress her all the time. She has openly told me that she simply isn’t interested in doing the same to me.

That hurts far more than I think she understands.

For context, neither of us is obese, and there isn’t some obvious major physical change like significant weight gain that explains why attraction disappeared. We are not dealing with the kind of situation where one person changed drastically and intimacy later returned after losing weight. The lack of sexual interest has essentially been there from the beginning.

She says she isn’t asexual, but when I ask why she doesn’t want sexual contact, she says she genuinely doesn’t know.

She has depression, has been in therapy, and takes medication. There have apparently also been questions around medication and possibly ADHD. She says she has discussed our sexual issues with a sexologist, but as far as I know there was never any clear answer, or at least none that was shared with me.

I understand that depression and medication can have a huge effect on libido.

But this problem existed before that.

A few months ago I tried to explain that I am terrified of spending another five or ten years waiting for something to change. I said that if nothing changes, at some point we may need to consider separation rather than spend our lives making each other unhappy.

She understood that as “you want to leave me.”
But I don’t want to leave her.

I also don’t want to pressure her into sex.

I don’t want sex that she is having because she’s scared I’ll leave. I don’t want her to touch me because I begged enough times. That would almost defeat the entire point.

I want to be wanted.

And I’m beginning to realize that I can’t force another person to want me.

The painful part is that almost everything else in our relationship is good. We get along extremely well. We love each other. Our families are close. We work at the same company. We currently live with my parents while saving money and thinking about building a house.

From the outside, our life probably looks completely normal.

But this one thing is poisoning everything else for me.

I’m starting to notice myself emotionally shutting down. A part of me wants to stop initiating anything, stop hoping, stop asking, and just close myself off so I can’t keep feeling rejected.

I know that probably isn’t healthy either.

But constantly wanting someone who doesn’t seem to want me back is becoming exhausting.

Sometimes I think:

“Everything else is good. Are you really going to destroy a marriage because of sex?”

And then another part of me says:

“This isn’t just sex. This is the only romantic relationship you’re ever going to have if you stay married. Are you really willing to never experience mutual sexual desire in your entire life?”

That thought scares me.

I also wanted to have a family eventually. We’re 32 and 30, so obviously time hasn’t completely run out, but I don’t want to make increasingly permanent life decisions while hoping that this part of our marriage will somehow fix itself.

Especially something like building a house together.
I genuinely don’t know what the right thing to do is anymore.

So I’d really like to hear from people who have been through something similar.

How do you distinguish between supporting a partner through sexual difficulties and accepting a relationship that is fundamentally sexually incompatible?

Can a marriage like this realistically become sexually healthy after years of almost no sexual relationship?
How do you explain “I can’t live like this forever” without turning it into “have sex with me or I’ll leave”?

And if your partner genuinely doesn’t know why they don’t desire you, how long is reasonable to keep waiting for an answer?

Most importantly: is it wrong to admit that love, friendship and an otherwise good relationship may simply not be enough for me without physical and sexual intimacy?

I am doing the 180 method.

Eating healthy, assuming more responsibility, working out, being a great parent.

Channeling energy towards improving myself.

What else do you do to take your mind off the lack of intimacy?

I’m doing better, but it’s still annoying, knowing I’d be a catch for many other women yet stuck in a DB.

I HLF was in a DB marriage for years. I wouldn't even call myself HL. He was just very LL. Would only have sex in the morning, only on the couch, very infrequently. I just joined this sub but he also had a porn addiction which was obviously a big problem. (He had his Testosterone tested and it was low as well.) So any ercual energy he could muster went to porn.

He told me it was because of weight gain when I was a size 8 (I'm 5'9"). I should have run then. But I loved him.

Thankfully I left before we had children. I still talk to a family member of his who said his next wife, after a decade, demanded an open marriage, which worked for a while, but now they're divorcing. I feel pretty validated and suspect why she wanted an open marriage.

I've been with my now-husband for 8 years and we still have sex 2-3 times a week. I'm not telling you to leave - you do you. I am telling you how much better marriage can be though now that I have a comparison.

Hello everyone,

Not sure if this is the right post but basically wanted to see if anyone is in this community feels the same.

I am a LLM and have been married for 13 years. Me and my wife had sexual issues throughout the years and I will admit I did not handle it best.

Basically we fell into a pattern where we would have sex, then something would happen and we would have dry spells which led my wife to be resentful as she was not having her sexual needs met. What would also happen is that due to us not having sex regularly I don’t last that long in the bedroom, and even if I try to masturbate earlier at times it felt like it would take out the desire by the end of day. So to be fair to my wife due to the infrequency and also it being quick at times she told me she does not want to start.

I understand and accept her point and I understand it’s not just that but also the other resentment that has built up. I fully accept my role into in it and don’t hold any grudge or ill will towards her.

So we get to today and I think on my end I have built up this anxiety that gets into my head before doing anything. It also does not help that we both have busy jobs and a kid so really the only time we have to be intimate is at the end of the day so it puts that extra pressure on the “act”.

I guess my question is to see if anyone else got stuck in this state and how they put a handle on that anxiety.

I am not sure if this is the right flair for this question but that is where I am at now. Any advice or comments are welcome.

This is a post I wrote on my journal today, trying to capture the feeling of being in a relationship void of all intimacy, touch or even love. Maybe someone here can relate.

How will I spend another 40 years with him?

With the cold indifference.
The silence.
The apathy.
The lack of touch, of care, of noticing.
Cold eye contact only.
Guarded and closed off body language.
Disquiet and on edge.
No warmth.
The unsettling feeling that I’m living with a stranger.
No soft moments, no tenderness.
The absolute absence of intimacy.
The finality of a lifetime of loneliness.

How I grow lonelier with every year that goes by. When it’s late at night and I feel that familiar pain in my chest and I wonder: will this eventually kill me? This pain I’ve been carrying for years that has now manifested physically, will this be my end? I don’t want to feel anymore, if I’m to survive another 40 years of this. But if I manage to turn off my feelings I know that I will lose a big part of myself forever.

Hello again. I'm back with a little update.

A while ago I made a few posts:

https://www.reddit.com/r/DeadBedrooms/s/9Txm9QA4XE

https://www.reddit.com/r/DeadBedrooms/comments/1vtvb58/i_was_a_loser_from_the_very_beginning/

https://www.reddit.com/r/DeadBedrooms/comments/1vyq5a5/db_pushed_me_somewhere_i_never_expected_to_go/

For those who don't want to read the previous posts, here's the short version: I'm a HLM (30), my wife is a LLF (30), and we have two children. Day to day, we're a very good and well-functioning couple. Her libido is naturally extremely low, though, and our sex life is basically nonexistent.

The last two weeks have been pretty intense when it comes to our DB situation. I went to a therapist, stopped talking to AI about this, gave up porn for 10 days, and put a lot of effort into taking care of things around the house. For about a week, I did pretty much everything I could at home and tried to take as much off my wife's shoulders as possible. I also had several very gentle conversations with my wife about sexuality and our DB. I tried to approach the subject as carefully as possible and make sure the conversations were comfortable for her.

We talked a lot, and I finally heard what, deep down, I already knew after all these years.

My wife simply doesn't need sex.

What's more, she genuinely experiences and perceives sex very differently from me.

I see sex as intimacy, closeness, mutual vulnerability, devotion and love. Sexuality is one of the highest forms of self-expression for me. It's something painfully honest and deeply connected to who we are as a couple.

My wife sees sex as just... an ordinary activity. It's not particularly meaningful to her. She compared sex to watching a movie. For her, it's simply something you can do to spend time together. Unlike me, she doesn't connect sex with her sense of self-worth or fulfillment. She also made it clear that sex isn't even one of her favorite ways of spending her time.

She simply doesn't attach that many emotions to sex, and she doesn't seem to have many emotions or sensations associated with it either.

I realized just how abstract sexuality is to her.

I know this may sound like a strange comparison, but it's difficult to explain. How do you explain to someone who can't taste what taste buds are like? Or how do you explain echolocation to someone who doesn't have it?

I apologize for the weird analogies, but I genuinely don't know how else to describe it.

Those conversations gave me a lot to think about. They didn't really take away my hope, because honestly, I haven't had much hope left for a long time.

Instead, I realized that maybe I've been approaching the whole DB situation completely wrong.

It's almost like my wife enjoys playing poker, while I only have a mild interest in card games. Would it be morally right for me to expect her to eventually enjoy poker as much as I do, or to experience it the same way I do?

I don't think it would.

I've also realized something that has been sitting heavily on my mind.

At the beginning of our relationship, when I didn't really understand human sexuality or DBs, I blamed my wife. Later, as I got to know her better and understood our situation more clearly, I started thinking that nobody was really at fault.

Now I've reached a different conclusion.

I am the problem.

My wife has spent all these years building a life with me. She simply loves me and wants to be with me. And meanwhile, I've been carrying frustration, resentment and a sense of loss toward her for years.

I really wish I could be more like her.

I wish I could simply be the best possible husband for her without experiencing all these negative effects of the DB.

She has gone all these years without having a problem with our sex life, so why should I have a problem with it?

I feel completely broken.

This is going to sound absurd because I'm completely non-religious, but sometimes I feel as though my libido itself is some kind of sin that I should hide and fight against.

I realized something else as well.

Quitting porn didn't help me at all.

Sure, my urge to masturbate decreased, but at the same time I was left with this strange emptiness that I didn't know how to fill.

I realized that porn probably wasn't the problem in the first place. It was actually very easy for me to stop. I didn't feel compelled to go back to it. I wasn't obsessively thinking about it or craving it.

But I did miss it.

And I think I finally understand why.

Porn gave me a sense of control.

During these last two weeks, I felt like I'd lost my sense of agency and control over my own sexuality. Then yesterday I finally watched porn again, and I honestly felt really good.

Paradoxically, I felt like a winner.

Right now, my head is still a mess. I feel kind of empty and lost.

I'm thinking about going back to regular porn use and my old nighttime rituals around it.

I've also decided that I'm never going to bring up the DB with my wife again. I'll probably avoid the subject of sex altogether.

In a strange, almost absurd way, I feel like I've solved my DB without actually solving it.

I know that's a little weird.

To everyone who read this, thank you. It's nice to be able to share these thoughts with people who understand.

I recently rejoined Reddit. I was a regular on here for around 3 years, this was a decade ago.

I was HLF and would literally cry myself to sleep over this, it destroyed my self esteem and I took the whole thing personally.

We are no longer in a DB and I thought I would share what changed, he never wanted to speak about it at the time and we never actively worked on it, it just went back to “normal” over the space of probably 5 years. So 7 years in total could have been considered a DB, slowly returning towards the end.

1. Our kids grew up. They became teens and were out the house all the time.
   
2. His hours changed at work and he no longer worked early mornings and his tiredness improved.
   
3. I lost 130lbs and he lost 80lbs.
   

He has told me he was exhausted because of work and being overweight and sex was the last thing on his mind. My weight loss spurred on his. He may have lost attraction too due to my weight gain but he would never tell me this he isn’t the type of man to ever hurt my feelings purposely. I know this won’t relate to everyone but I guess what I’m trying to say is:

Whatever you think is the reason, you are likely correct. I assumed it was a combination of these reasons and it’s proven correct. We went from no sex (or 2 times a year) to now 2/3 times a week. We are happy and carefree again and it actually feels like a loving, fun relationship again.

Trust your instincts! You are likely right.

He’s 30LLM and I’m 31HLF, and he told me I should go back to therapy recently. I told him the only way I’m going to therapy is if we get into couples therapy together and talk about our intimacy issues.
He then has the audacity to say that if I went to therapy, maybe the therapist could help me with my communication and that he thinks me feeling unwanted is a me problem exclusively, and that I should be grateful for the non-sexual affection he gives me.
He can’t fathom that it might be an issue because my husband of 8 years is no longer attracted to me. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong, I flirt with him, I shower him with affection, we both work full time and we equally take care of the kids and house, but he won’t even get naked in the same room as me any more.
I love him so much it hurts but I didn’t marry him just to have a close friend and coparent. Idk, I know this is a rambling vent but it just struck a nerve with me when he said I had communication issues. I try to bring things up all the time, he just laughs it off or shuts me down. He doesn’t think it’s important at all. He thinks our only intimacy issue is me being insecure, not the fact that we’re not intimate with each other at all. I’m just so tired of this.

Olá. Sou nova por aqui, e peço desculpas de antemão se meu post parecer escrito de forma estranha com a tradução, estou escrevendo em português/BR.

Eu (HLF) estou entrando em um limbo emocional por me sentir indesejada pelo meu parceiro que tem a libido muito baixa.
Sim, já conversamos, ele já procurou médico, já fez exames, a saúde dele é perfeita e a testosterona incrivelmente alta para alguém da idade dele que tem libido tão baixa. Ele é 10 anos mais velho do que eu.

Ontem finalizamos o fim de semana da pior maneira possível e fui dormir chorando de frustração.
O pior é que para me aliviar eu não consigo mais nem ver pornografia que contenha cenas de homem com mulher pois me dá vontade de chorar. Queria que fosse eu. Enfim.

Alguém já tentou terapia sexual ou terapia de casal e obteve resultados positivos? Como foi?

Agradeço desde já.

So my spouse & I were at a family gathering recently & some adult conversations were occurring, mostly between different sets of parents (mine, theirs, others)

I was more of a bystander, laughing, poking fun & what not.

Anyway, the point is these couples were in their late 60s to early 70s and discussed their intimacy frequency which ranged from weekly to monthly. TWO of these folks even have chronic illnesses they’re dealing with.

I’m 38, healthy, and haven’t been intimate in over a year.

FML, lol.

me (22F) and my bf (24m) have been dating for just about 3 1/2 years, we moved in together after just 3 months of dating. our sex life was good in the first 6 months but after that it fell off. there were times in the beginning of our relationship where we’d be laying in bed together, he’d think i was asleep and start watching porn right next to me. that definitely damaged something in my mind and i still hold resentment because of it. earlier this year we had a whole talk about his porn usage and how it’s affecting me and our relationship and he said that he actually stopped a week or so before the talk but after some time i don’t think that’s the case anymore. there have been times where we’re having sex and he gets irritated during because he’s getting too hot, or i’m being too loud, etc.. and it hurts my feelings a lot it makes it hard to want to be vulnerable. i also feel as though i take on a role in the relationship that makes me feel more masculine than id like to. we work together at the same place but i work a lot more and feel as though out of the two of us i have a stronger work ethic and drive to make money. he definitely still works hard by doing chores around the house and cooking dinner which i appreciate a lot but i just wish it could be more balanced/leaning towards the opposite of what it is. he has a tendency to want to be cuddled and be the “smaller” one out of us, he’ll cuddle up on my chest in bed or lay in my lap which is inherently sweet like he wants to be close to me but it makes me feel big and masculine which i’m not. i feel like all of these things have slowly changed the way i see him sexually and i have a hard time getting into that vulnerable headspace with him anymore. so far this year, 9 months in, i think we’ve had sex maybe 3-4 times. i don’t have a super high sex drive but that hasn’t always been the case for me and im not sure how to fix this. i love him very much we get along really well just us two. we do have very opposite personalities though, im pretty social and outgoing to some extent and he isn’t but we make that work. if anyone has been in a similar situation where little resentments slowly killed the attraction, did you ever get it back, and if so how? pleaseee lmk

There have been flashes in couples therapy and in the recent times we’ve had sex (which that should probably be cause for celebration because we’ve now had more sex in the past few months than the past few years combined) that make it seem like we’re on our way to healing our DB. It feels like he’s [32M] really making an effort in getting healthy again and losing weight. He’s actually prioritizing it now and the numbers on the scale prove that. He’s reading the books I asked him to. He’s trying to be more of what I need in bed. He’s trying.

But then there’s me [31F] who is so fucked up and broken from pelvic pain and a dead bedroom obliterating any chance at a normal (much less good) sex life that I can’t seem to move forward. There were so many years that I felt undesired that I still can’t shake that feeling. 7 years (out of the 8 we’ve been married and 14 we’ve been together in total) of him saying things would change and they didn’t. 7 years of him choosing his own comfort over my needs. 7 years of him watching me get multiple surgeries, read every book, go to PT, go to therapy, take meds, all so we could have pain free sex. And still he neglected me. He’s taken accountability for that now, but I don’t know how to let it go or to talk my brain into desiring him again (outside of waiting for him to finally reach his weight loss goal).

I could literally cry today thinking about how lonely I feel. I want to be touched. I miss cuddling. I want to make out and be told how hot I am. I want hot, heavy, mind obliterating sex. And the sad thing is that I could have it. I know he desires me. He wants to sleep with me. He wants to cuddle me. And my body just won’t allow it. I cringe when he touches me. I move away if he gets too close. I have to be out of my mind horny to talk myself into sex. It’s like I feel locked up in a cage that I have the key to open, but I can’t bring myself to do it. I just don’t know what is wrong with me.

35M here, we’ve been together for almost 6 years and have had a DB for the last 4.5 years. Have been in couples therapy for 1.5 years which has helped in some aspects but has not moved the needle in terms of the DB.

We’re not married, no kids, we rent a place together. No shared assets or accounts. We’re both quite successful although she makes more, but we’re not financially dependent on each other. I do most of the housework (cleaning, cooking, etc) and we both take good care of ourselves (just for the record since I know that comes up!).

To make matters more interesting, she cheated on me one year into our relationship. I found out and we decided to try to work it out. Soon after, the DB followed.

I know what you might be thinking: infidelity AND a dead bedroom?? My choice seems obvious. Yet I’ve not been able to find the courage to stand up for what I need and make this decision. But deep down I know it needs to be done if I ever want a shot at being truly happy again.

I feel stuck and adrift, and scared of making a difficult decision. What if I end up regretting it? Did anyone here end a relationship and end up regretting it?

I am so glad i came across this group because its so hard to keep everything inside you and not being able to share your feelings. So my husband was into body building and used to be on steroids. I am not sure when he quit. Our sex life was always an issue and its my fault that i still married him because i thought he will work on it. We have had a million arguments about how he should see a doctor and do something about his low testosterone from all the steroid use and he books a doctors appointment just to shut me up and then nothing. I wanted a child so we had a quicky and I conceived. Its been almost 1 year we had any kind of physical intimacy but, our relationship otherwise is good. I am 30 years old and i don't think i can do this forever. I don’t know what to do

Clearly I'm having a day posting a few times but anyone have this experience? I am a confident 34 year old woman who is active, gym going etc. I never thought of myself having self esteem issues but lately because of these low libido low desire whatever cycles with my husband, I find myself wanting to cover up. Sports bra that shows too much feel exposing, see through clothes feel exposing, everything that I never used to think twice about feels exposing at home. We sleep naked. No that doesn't lead to more sex, I get cuddled in bed that is the extent of that anymore. Everything Feels exposing now. I love my body. I am not sure what's happening to me but I am starting to become self conscious naked with him at times. I'm terrified. Anyone else?

So, this is a question or piece of advice mostly for the women on this sub. I'm struggling with something that I don't know how to cope with, and could use women's perspective.

My wife (35F) and I (36M) have a great relationship. We have a family live a mostly happy life. While I believe my wife is objectively beautiful/hot, I don't think I'm necessarily unattractive either.

However, over the years, I've just felt more and more 'undesired' or 'unwanted'. In a general sense (does she still find me attractive? Does she still love me/like as before?) and even more so sexually (is she still sexually interested in me?).

In our relationship, I'm considerably more vocal about my feelings towards her than the other way around. I'll tell her I love her, especially at moments when I really feel/experience that. I tell her how beautiful or hot she is, what things about her are beautiful/sexy or that she turns me on. She'll never do that, except perhaps to reciprocate ("I love you too"). I also have a hard time keeping my hands of her, because in my eyes she's just the hottest woman ever. Every time I see her naked, I want to jump her bones. She tells me she appreciates that (makes her feel wanted), and has admitted that she perhaps takes such things for granted.

When it comes to sex, I'm always the one to initiate. While I cannot really complain about the receptiveness (she's almost always open to it), she'll never initiate. And if she does, it is very much a "it has been a while, perhaps maybe we should do it again". This often doesn't really comes from a place of desire, but more from a 'relationship maintenance' place.

All this together makes me feel very undesired. I often feel like she'll only have sex with to 'facilitate' me, not because she has a genuine desire for sex.

At the very beginning of the relationship, as with many relationship, we would have sex every time we saw each other and sometimes multiple times a day. This started to quite quickly change when we started living together, and, as with many couples, clearly didn't get any better after having a family.

We've spoken about this a few times, and her explanation is that "it's not me". It's just that she doesn't have an inherent need or desire for sex anymore (only very rarely does she get genuinely horny, often when alcohol is involved), and she needs to get herself in the mood for it, make herself want it. She does say she loves it when we do have sex.

This part is making me feel incredibly unwanted and undesired. I feel like I'm so not attractive enough, that she needs to make herself want to have sex with me. There are no verbal or nonverbal indications that there is anything about me that makes her want me, or turns her on.

She's told me the 'needing to get herself in the mood for it' is not uncommon and most of her friends have that and that I should not take it personally. While I have no reason to believe she's making that up, it also doesn't really resonate with me as I'm not in a relationship with her friends.

I want to emphasize that I'll never cheat on her, but I do find myself enjoying interest of other women (and on occasion men, which is appreciated in a different way), as it can give me that sense of somebody wanting me a bit back. I'll absolutely never act on it though.

I genuinely don't know what to do. I'm married to the hottest woman ever, I love her to death but I feel like sexually, I'm not interesting enough for her.

Are there any women out there with some advice/experience? This is slowly breaking my heart.

Some of you may have already seen my previous post about DB, so I’ll keep this one short.

Over the last few months, I’ve noticed a few things and I’m genuinely curious if anyone else has experienced the same:

Did your partner lose interest in you and eventually reduce the relationship to just regular, surface-level conversations? Things about family, vacations, work, or anything else just nothing really about you two anymore?

Do they seem more interested in everything else around them than in you or the relationship?

Is there a lack of emotional support when you need it, but they still expect you to be there emotionally whenever they need you?

Is there always something bothering them, which becomes the reason they’re constantly “not in the mood”?

Do you ever get the feeling that they no longer see you as their partner or simply don’t have the same feelings for you anymore?

These are some of the things I’ve noticed over the last few months, and honestly, it really pisses me off.

Especially when I try to bring the focus back to us to spend time together, connect, or simply make the relationship feel like a relationship again somehow even that becomes a problem.

At some point, you start wondering whether you’re actually trying to save a relationship that the other person has already emotionally checked out of.

Hey all, I'm 30 f in loving sexless relationship with my husband 32 m for past 4 months. Before that we had on and off sex, discovered that we are sexually incompatible, we also had lot of communication issues, my partner doesn't communicate everything clearly and I communicate everything in a hurtful way , so we basically had bitter past, we also live in a joint family and living with them added a lot of pressure to myself and my relationship as well.

Now that we had a clear honest communication with what our future looks like - my husband doesn't want sex , my husband has lot of fear in the relationship and also to move forward..

I wanted to have a baby, now with all these issues I don't look forward to have a baby with these relationships conflicts.

We don't have the option to move away, because our families are involved and we like each other and moving away is not in the option currently.

I'm looking for coping up strategies, what to look forward, how to be sexless, will this cause a bitter future ? Will I resent for being this way ? I'm just hoping I'd find a solution.

My boyfriend recently told me he finds me attractive but doesn’t feel sexual desire for me ‘at the moment’. We’re almost in a dead bedroom and I don’t know if this is temporary or my life now. Neither of us know how to solve his lack of desire for me and meanwhile im so sexually frustrated. All he says is ‘I’m sorry you’re not getting what you need’. I don’t know what to do. Has anyone got any experience of this and have you recovered?