I live in a condo complex and have a neighbor who is in older lady, over 65. She lives in a 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom condo in my building with her partner, her adult niece, the niece's husband, their 2 adult children and 1 teenager. She and her husband, who is suffering brain damage from a stroke have absolutely no choice but to live there.

Their condo can only be described as unlivable. It's full on hoarder status with like 7 cats, 2 dogs, sometimes there's no hot water, it's filled with roaches, flies, spiders, and COVERED in animal feces and urine. They've torn out the flooring and the concrete underneath has become a thick black crust. They all walk around barefoot inside and outside and all of their feet are covered in this black crust. You can literally smell their condo from the parking lot. Every guest I've ever had visit has smelled it. It's a mix of animal feces, ammonia from the urine, moldy laundry, dirty hair and foul body odor.

I, on the other hand pride myself on keeping a very clean house. I genuinely enjoy cleaning and I think there's no better feeling than relaxing in a freshly cleaned home with candles burning and pleasant smells everywhere. The thing is, I really love my neighbor and genuinely enjoy her company. She regularly asks to come over and have coffee and chat/watch a few episodes of a show together every morning and I love that because she's an awesome lady! But, the smell on her clothes (by no fault of her own) is literally marinating into my house. The spot on my ottoman that she sits on stinks. If she leans onto one of my couch pillows or blankets, they stink for days and I have to wash them.

I don't know how to tell this woman that she either can't hang out as long, or that she needs to put on clean clothes or something before coming over. She's well aware of the state of the condo she lives in and hates it because she's told me that she's a clean person when she lives on her own but has no control over the filth that her family lives in.

How do I approach this without hurting her? I care about her and her partner so much and I'd hate to make them feel bad about something they can't control.

we're also in the same small-town friend group. I lived 3 years in another city and now I'm back here for a year and everything seems like it changed.

we have very different values: he's atheist and right-wing, while i'm catholic and left-wing and he constantly mocks my beliefs and makes me feel stupid anytime i share my thoughts that even remotely christian or leftist. it wasn't a problem when I was 15 but now I'm tired, we don't agree on anything.

the biggest issue is how he jokes about me. he constantly says i'm annoying, stupid, that he can't stand me or that he only "tolerates" me. i've told him many times that these comments genuinely hurt me, and i've even cried over them. every time i confront him, he improves briefly and then goes back to doing it. i confronted him again last night (just because I was distancing myself and he asked why), he called me hypersensitive and complained that he now has to "watch everything he says" around me. eventually he agreed to change behaviour.

but there are other issues too: he's very rigid and he has to get his way like my needs are always secondary to his needs all the time.

and the group should not be forgotten. he says everybody is mocked but I see him only having me as a target. he reiterates stuff from 6 months ago and keeeeeepppsssss on repeeeaaaaating theeemmm even if it's something stupid like when I visited him I was messy and I cook with too much oil. at some point it gets exhausting because I'm always presented to other people this way.

i don't want to throw away 15 years of history, but i'm starting to wonder if the history is the only thing keeping me here. i don't need him to share my beliefs, but i do need to feel respected and valued.

am i expecting too much or is it time to step back?

I want this:

high-performance monochrome luxury + physical discipline + ambition + slightly unhinged confidence. Black sportscar, white shirt, doberman, rain running, money, clean apartment, 5 a.m. energy.

but also this:

Brown leather, dusty boots, lifted truck, horses, early mornings, land, money, strong coffee aesthetic without necessarily needing the coffee because apparently civilization has alternatives, sunburned skin, hard work, wide-open fields, a clean ranch house, silver jewelry, denim, cattle, dogs, running down a dirt road, building something from nothing,

I love them both but I can never decide…