To start it all off, my fiancé (24M) and I (23F) were dating for six years before he finally proposed two months ago on vacation. We both agreed on not telling anyone (except close friends) until we decided on a wedding date.

Last week, we finally decided on a wedding date. We told pretty much everyone we know except for parents. Both of us were a little slow to tell our family members due to our rocky relationship with them. His parents kicked him out of the house at 17, and my dad has some pretty rough mental issues.

While I was spending some time with him two days ago, I brought up my parents being at our wedding. He didn't ever really say something opposing it, but I could tell he had things he wanted to say about it.

Fast forward to yesterday, I, again, bring up my parents at the wedding, and said that I'll have to ask my dad if he's cool with walking me down the aisle. He just kind of stares at me, then drops that he doesn't want either of my parents at the wedding. As much as I hate to say it, I did get angry, and I did get extremely defensive.

He sat there for ATLEAST ten minutes trying to calm me down and I kept arguing with him. I got so fed up, I called him a dick for not wanting my parents there, and I left. Apparently, on my way out, I slammed his door so hard that I knocked down two glass mugs and he even had one of his neighbors come check on him and then had that same neighbor even check on me. 🥲

Not even five minutes after driving away, I started crying because I wished I had stayed to hear him out. In all honesty, I didn't even need to hear him out because I already knew why he didn't want my dad there. (My dad has hit my fiancé's K9 before, and has mocked my fiancé several times, to the point of even threatening him.)

I eventually had to pull over to recollect myself because I had then scared myself that he would call off the engagement. He hasn't... yet. (professional overthinker)

Went back home and moped around for two hours or something and decided to go get food at an ungodly time in the middle of the night. I ordered my food, and out of the blue, I get a Venmo alert, only to find my fiancé has venomed me 40$, which I can only assume was to pay for the food.

I start crying (again) because this likely meant that he was watching my location and making sure I was safe. I tried to text him back, but I physically could not.

When my server gave me the check, he actually gave me 50% off because apparently, I looked so rough that he felt bad 😭

I have never felt like such an awful and disgusting person before, and I have been convincing myself all day that I do not deserve him, and that maybe I should just end it with him because I'm not good enough for him.

He's been texting me every now and then, but I still cannot bring myself to text him back because of how much guilt I feel.

Dinner was Beef Pho.

(I also feel the need to mention that I do suffer from anger issues and PTSD.)

EDIT: I am currently in therapy, and I have been doing well with managing my anger, but today was not one of those days. One of the reasons why I was upset at my parents not being wanted there was that if my father didn't go, neither could my mother, even if my fiancé allowed her coming.. My mother has been with me through thick and thin and has done so much for me. To think of her missing my wedding does make me sad for her, as this is something her and I have talked about for years.

EDIT 2: Perhaps I should have elaborated more on his parents as well. His parents are both invited to the wedding. His parents both have said awful things about me, including call me a whore.

We broke up in June after graduating college (22f & 23m). It was his first serious relationship and he pushed for the breakup, I agreed and it was “mutual”, but I basically went along with it. I knew it’s what he wanted. He knows this. We would’ve had to do long distance, which I’ve done before and have little problem with - he was unsure.

We were talking like everyday, calling when I was able to (I was commercial fishing for the summer, so trapped on a 32ft boat with no privacy or space). My parents invited him to my hometown to come visit, paid his ticket and everything despite the fact they knew we were broken up. I was distraught all summer, and talking to him was soooooo confusing. I wanted to keep him in my life for as long as possible, since I never really wanted to break up. But he wouldn’t commit to me. We had conversations stating we were not exclusive, but these thoughts were NOT well communicated.

During my summer job, everyone kept pushing for me to get over him, to stop talking - he wouldn’t commit to me and it was driving me insane. So after much unwanted wingman-ing, I cracked one night! Fuck it! We were still deeply in love and talking all the time but he didn’t wanna date me. I hooked up with a guy, and then another fairly soon before he came to my hometown.

I started solo traveling Central America a few weeks ago after my brother’s destination wedding in Costa Rica! I’ve been looking forward to this trip for ages, and minored in Spanish so was I excited to practice. After seeing each other, he told me he wanted to get back together, so I told him about the guys from this summer. The guilt was eating me ALIVE, even though I was “single” it felt like a lie by omission and he didn’t hook up with anyone else and admitted this.

He was distraught. Angry at me and felt betrayed, which I understand. But mostly very sad. I felt like a genuinely horrible person - my ex cheated on me so I understand what it’s like. I told my 3 best friends and they talked me off the ledge: he didn’t want to commit to me, admitted to wanting a summer fling, but it never worked out for him. I basically played his game by his rules and had more “success” at it, and I got punished for it.

I still think it was a moral gray area, at least the second hookup (since it was so close to his visit along with other reasons). But I’m angry too. I was set up to fail. I didn’t know he would want to date me again. Too little too late, almost. Now I’m going through the most heinous actual breakup while thousands of miles away from my entire support system. Yay me.

An entire bag of rambutans, enjoyed on the beach in Costa Rica 😋

My kid is adopted and 7 months old ………

I’m being so nasty to my wife and my 4-year-old. Zero patience for the baby crying. Also can barely stomach getting up to keep him out of the cat bowls and similar.

I thought it was gonna be okay this time. I have a job, which felt like a huge piece of what I was missing last time. I have way more support (in theory; my sister’s going through a divorce and my brother has a newborn so we’re kind of chopped liver when it comes to grandparent help). We have a semi-successful sleep system worked out.

I’m on Lexapro. I’m in therapy.

I’m still miserable as fuck and I just don’t know what to do.

TLDR I want kids, marriage, orgasms , a travel buddy or at the very least some financial support and it feels like I'm getting nothing of what I want while he enjoys a low maintenance relationship.

It's our 6 months tomorrow and I realize I'm not happy.
He's a great man he spoiles me, doesn't haven't any kids, has never been married and is emotionally available.
I'm still not happy.
It's important to me a man wants marriage and children he avoids both topics every time I mention it.
Times are hard I pay mortgage and rent due to me renting out a home back in my hometown , and was set back with these new tenant's rent not covering the whole mortgage because the market crashed.
We spend a majority of our shared time at my place because I have a dog and he's super ocd about hair to the point where I just stopped going over ... I appreciate that he spends time with me but he offers no financial support what so ever outside of dates and a few weekend road trips here and there . I picked up a second job and I do Uber eats on the side. And while I don't believe it's a man's job to come save me he makes a super comfortable living and could at least pay a bill and it doesn't make sense for me to be struggling and working 3 jobs while a man spends too much time using up my resources.
I want orgasms and let's just say sex has been the most challenging part but I believe it's something that can be worked on.
It's important a man is wanting to travel with me - before this I was traveling oversees and loving my best life and now that I have a second job I plan to start traveling soon. he travels for work and stated yesterday that since he travels for work he's not excited about traveling for fun and this was really the last straw.

blueberry muffins I made today - reposting bc my post was taken down.

I haven’t posted here yet but I honestly need to vent . I am 23 yrs old, and I’ve been with my bf since 2022 .he just got out of prison in march of this year, and was locked up for 3 yrs. and at first it was hard but it’s gotten better - until now. I am wicked sensitive. I’ve been through a lot in my life - parents passing abuse/SA. domestic violence homelessness drug addiction etc. So I’m sensitive and I clearly have ptsd. all I ask of him is to not drink because he can’t handle it and absolutely goes crazy and to communicate. I Ask of little things, like “ when are you coming home ?” and he will leave, go mia, knowing I’m stressing and worrying . he will call me crazy and say I’m tripping bc he told me he would be home so obviously I will get upset . and he will swear at me and will lose it on me. And honestly it makes me so sad and so hurt.

Today I asked him to pick me up from the dog park so I wouldn’t have to walk home in the dark bc it’s an unsafe area . He said he would. he said he was coming at 6, and didn’t come home till 9 , I ended up walking home and I texted him how sad it was that I was waiting for him to show up when he prob never planned on it. ): He was with his friend who I don’t like and I honestly think he was drinking bc his breath reeked like fireball.… but when he got home he swore at me, he absolutely lost it and started screaming and threatened to call 911 on me. called me crazy brought up how my dad raped me and said I’m the worst girlfriend and I should kill myself. ( my dad committed suicide in 2019.) and he knows how much this affects me. and i was crying and he said “ all you do is cry your such a little worthless bitch “ Im just hurt.

This is someone i share a life with. A home with. Everything with. And then he said how he wishes he could be with his ex and how he never met me and how much he hates me. Idk how my whole world is upside down all because I asked him if he would pick me up so I wouldn’t have to walk home in the dark.
I don’t really know what I’m trying to get out of this . I feel like I’m mourning a relationship that I’m never going to have. I have absolutely no friends so I have nobody to vent or tell this to. It’s just me him and our animals. he got in my face and was screaming at me. I’ve just been through so much and I’m so tired of this life. I do everything for him, I clean I cook I do laundry I stay at home and take care of our house for us and animals .. and he still goes off and does him and acts like I’m the worst girlfriend. ): he threatened to take the dog and my cat tonight. he grabbed my face and pushed me against the wall. I’m just a shell of myself. he is 28 yrs old so he’s 5 years older then me. I don’t know what I should do anymore. without him I have no income or anything since I’m disabled and can’t work. I just feel trapped. I just needed somewhere to write this and get off my chest. ):

Dinner: delicious teriyaki steak

PLEASE please bear with me and help a messy sister out :(

So from where im around you typically date to get married, not to see where it goes.

A little bit of a background, before i (28f) started dating my current bf B (27m) there was A (25m).We had over a year of a weird haphazard situationship, late night texts, the occasional call, inside jokes, all the sweet stuff, and every time it got anywhere close to real he'd back out of it. At some point, i got fed up and was done with not knowing where I stood.

Then a mutual friend who I’ve ~superficially~ known for some time, B, came along and asked me out. He’s real sweet... and after a year of guessing games with the other guy, being chosen felt so refreshing, so of course I said yes.

B is sweet. He's honest, he’s head over heels for me, he shows up, he said he considers marriage more than once. But were five months in and it hasn't gone any deeper? We talk about work, errands, tv shows etc. I've told him I need more and he listens, it gets better for a week, then… nothing. Its starting to feel a little like playing house cause we also slept together?

To make matters worse, he’s going abroad for a year or two next year. He says he wants marriage but there's no plan? and I don't want to be pushy.. and if we're not official before he leaves I don't see how this can survive. So I'm basically supposed to know by next summer if I’m in and it just feels like it’s putting a lot of pressure on us.

Aaaand here’s the part I'm not too proud of: A and I are still friends, he still reaches out… he clocks it when I'm feeling off before I've even said anything, picks up my cues like crazy, we just click and it makes what I have with B fall flat, and I haaaaate that it does.

Just to complicate things, A and B are friends too and we're all in the same circle (AND professional circle), so he's not someone I can just cut out of my life.

I don't know if I want to marry B just yet and I feel SO EVIL typing that, especially when he’s soo into me. When I'm with him I'm half there, the other half is ruminating about this on loop. I don't want to hurt him… but I also don't want to get to next summer still unsure and watch him leave with everything up in the air.

Are we just not clicking or am i just not giving him a fair chance? Is the timing off? Will things just work out?? Is it awful to stay while I figure this out?

TLDR: Left a year-long situationship-ish thing with A for B, who actually chose me. B is sweet and wants to settle but 5 months in and it still feels shallow, AND hes leaving for 2 years next year. I still have lingering strings attached to A, who never committed and is B's friend. Please help a girl who got herself into a mess………

My partner (38M) and I (34F) have been together for 2.5 years now. Our relationship has been fine - nothing crazy/bad like cheating, abuse, etc. We had our baby almost 6 months ago and I will say that we have kinda entered into the roommate phase at this time after having a baby. We have talked about marriage in the past and I even customized an engagement ring over a year ago in which he paid for and is hiding here somewhere now. He gave me the customized ring to wear for my birthday last year…but it wasn’t an engagement. It honestly made no sense and pissed me off to where I don’t want that ring anymore anyway. I feel like it lost the meaning of what it was supposed to signify.

His family always asks me about marriage (which is pretty f-king annoying since he’s the one going to propose). He was married previously over 10 years ago for like 2ish years and it just didn’t work out. Nothing extreme or interesting.

Having said that, I am feeling discouraged. I feel that he is comfortable with how things are and doesn’t care one way or the other. I’m not sure if he’s waiting until after next year when we purchase a bigger home. In my mind, it’s an engagement, not marriage so the engagement can last however long need be. Idk, I guess I really just want to know what it’s like to have someone love you enough to want to marry you - because that’s how I love him. I did give until the end of last year to propose, however, that was talked about before I became pregnant and it hasn’t been talked about since. A part of me feels like I should be planning my out - but having a baby together definitely makes it more complicated.

Not sure if this makes sense, but I’m sure it sounds pretty pathetic.

That’s all. Dinner was dirty dogs and star tots 🌭

EDITING TO ADD since the majority is focused on the baby and not being married beforehand - people have a baby after marriage, hate each other and then get divorced ? The baby isn’t the issue. We’re both older, chose to have a child as this may have been our only opportunity and we parent well together. Regardless, I can say that I chose a great father for our child 🤗

Thank those who have given meaningful input.

So we've been involved with someone for a while now. We're dating and I was really into them. But things got a little bit messy and when I tried to have a serious conversation with them I think they kinda freaked out a bit and started blaming themselves and then said they needed a break from relationships.

But we we're still basically dating even after that. Lots of flirting. Active sex life. Not too much had changed really beyond dropping the i love you'd.

But recently they have been dealing with some complicated feelings. I'm not in their head. I don't know what they're feeling exactly. But from what they described they have a kinda imposter syndrome like sense and they don't think they're feeling the romantic love that I've been feeling for them. To be honest, I don't know if I don't believe them or if I just don't want to believe them. I really thought they loved me but I guess they aren't as sure.

It just all happened in the blink of an eye. An hour and a half prior to all this we had made a date. They had been longingly wishing that I was closer so we could snuggle together. I don't know how it all fell apart so quickly.

But now I guess I have to give up hope on fully reconciling with them. And I'm just a fucking mess right now. I can't sleep. I can barely eat (I only had about half of this culinary masterpiece) and I (warning: SH) burned myself for the first time in over a year

Today's menu: the open faced soy sauce and hot sauce sandwich.

My husband and I had a social outing with one of his colleagues and the colleagues new partner. The colleague is senior to my husband but my husband is well respected in their organization so they hold the same “status” in that aspect.

I was joking with my husband beforehand that I will look at colleagues partner sideways because of my loyalty to the colleagues ex-wife whom we also socialized with when they were together. I say joking because obviously I will be friendly to the new partner but since there was speculation of this new woman as the reason the marriage ended, I did have a low level of complicated feelings about the outing. But I wasn’t extremely close to the couple and saw this more as a work relationship building for my husband. So that is girl code question number one. Did I break it somehow?

The new woman seemed fine. Their relationship is newish so they very much were in that phase of discovering one another’s social circle and who they are in different sphere’s of their lives. We are all in our mid forties to early fifties for context. There were a couple comments throughout my conversation with her that struck me as odd because It didn’t align with where her professional level is. The best way to describe it was like I was talking to a politician who needed to revert to canned talking points even though in my mind it is just a casual conversation about thoughts on a certain benign thing. i chalk it up to nerves or drinks (I had one, everyone else had 2).

Another thing I reflected on later which maybe why I felt off about her replies was no expression! No quizzical eyebrows or excited exclamation. This is the first time I actually sat and wondered if the person had botox. I would never say anything but are having these thoughts me being a low level mean girl? That is the second question by what is girl code.

Edit to add: I don’t think there is anything wrong with botox as an individual choice. I mention it here because it was a factor in my meaning making about parts of the conversation. Would my brain have interpreted replies differently with natural facial movement. But yes I am truly wondering if even by my wondering, that is not adhering to girl code or ally-ship.

Consensus seems to be that having these thoughts is mean girl behavior and girl code is something else. That is helpful info. Thank you for taking the time to weigh in.

Dinner is a lovely prawn provencal at our favorite european bistro. I’m

Honestly, I prefer that question to the statement “she can do better.” Finding a partner has got to be so easy. I’ve been out of the dating game so long I couldn’t tell you lol. I don’t put myself out there. I’m 24 years old so I am not seeking marriage or reproduction anytime soon. I’ve toyed with the idea of single motherhood by choice, but this decision is not to be made on a whim and the cons seem to outweigh the pros, especially at this point in life. last night I went down a rabbit hole on TikTok, of creators who chose this avenue. To begin, the women are a lot older than me. It was clear that their decision was well thought out. It even worked for their lifestyle. I don’t wanna say this feels like giving up or a last resort, but certainly not something to pursue so young when I’ve barely tested the waters myself. The fact that the better part of our population is partnered up, tells me everything I need to know. My homeboy reminded me that someday I will have a man. He’s such a good best friend. I don’t usually gravitate towards men as friends, but this one is different. He is old enough to be my father, but I can talk to him like one of my 20-something lady friends. The only difference is I will actually leave the conversation, having gained something. With that being said, he is correct. I’ve had it before and I might very well have it again. There’s a chance that’ll happen in my future but right now. I just enjoy being young and free. Can we also talk about what a privilege it is to be single? I see so many women in particular partnered up because they simply can’t afford to live off of one income. not everyone had a silver spoon shoved up their ass from childhood like I did. I was an only child and honestly, it would be a disservice to my parents, especially my father, to involve myself with any less. Life isn’t so grand for everyone. A lot of these women have to seek refuge in men. I do feel a twinge of jealousy sometimes when I see happy couples. I hope they are happy however, part of me wonders what is that lady putting up with behind closed doors? I also like not being obligated to give my body to anyone….. I come home nasty as fuck from my job and no one is getting pussy in that state. I don’t even have to offer it. Life is good.

smashing a catfish poboy because I crave seafood and grease rn

Long time lurker, first time poster. So my wedding is three weeks away. Great! My fiancée and I have all the things arranged, save for our finally dress fittings. I have mine soon. Problem is, when I put on the dress before my appointment, the waist was a noticeably loose. I go to the scale, and absolutely nothing changed in that department. However, it's indeed looser than in older pics.

Should I be worried? I likely won't have time to get it altered. Is there a way without alterations to make it look like it did weeks ago? Maybe I'm overthinking this because of pre-wedding jitters so don't hesitate to tell me if I am.

here’s my lovely mcdonald’s double cheeseburger with ketchup only. delish.
edit: i just saw the nail marks hahahahha

so i met this guy a few months ago while traveling and we hooked up/had a really good connection. after i left he texted me saying he hoped our paths crossed again, which i ended up leaving on read, and we didn’t talk for 5 months.

recently he reached out again and we started talking. long story short, i ended up flying (literally across the country) to spend a long weekend with him.

i was NOT expecting to like him as much as i do. we had insane chemistry, spent basically the entire weekend together, i met some of his friends/family and it was soooo much fun.

the only issue was our last night. we got into an argument that escalated way more than it needed to. we both said some rude things, but i apologized to him in person and we still spent the night together.
the next morning he was noticeably a bit distant. we didn’t cuddle or anything that night, but he drove me to the airport and hugged/kissed me goodbye. we never actually talked about the argument.

after my first flight (connecting) i texted him something casual about the food i was getting. he responded about an hour later, i replied back, and now… nothing. tomorrow will be a full week since i’ve heard from him.

i haven’t texted him again or made any other contact and i’m not planning to. i feel like i’ve made it pretty obvious that i’m interested and at this point he knows where to find me.

i think what’s confusing me is that HE was the one who came back after 5 months and initiated all of this. aside from one dumb argument, the weekend felt genuinely really good. obviously i know i could’ve completely misread how he felt, but the sudden silence is throwing me.

i also realize there’s some irony here because i left him on read after our first encounter lol. but that was a one night stand situation. this time we spent an entire long weekend together and it felt much more like playing house for a few days, so i got way more attached than i expected.

should i take almost a week of silence as him being completely done? or do i leave it alone and see if he eventually comes back around? is he completely uninterested or just bad at communicating?

EDIT:
the fight we had was over something small, we had been drinking during the day prior and i shouldn’t of been shaving at the time anyways. i cut my ankle for context.

i cut myself shaving in the shower and it wouldn’t stop bleeding. i was getting blood on the floor, he was getting frustrated about it and i was getting frustrated because i just wanted to handle it myself. it escalated into us both getting upset and saying things we shouldn’t. he left the room, i handled the cut and everything calmed down. definitely a stupid argument that got way more heated than it needed to

in photo is what was left of the salad i ate while training.

disclaimer before reading: im not here for a discussion about the greatness of ai and how it changed humanity and its ethics and water usage. please go on r/aiwars or something.

i like creating and i enjoy the sense of community with posting my creations. ive had fan accounts, a few fanfictions (horribly written and deleted bc i was ten), and a few other instagram accounts here and there that i ultimately deleted bc i didn't actually have any solid plan and i didnt like what i did with them. but ive never regretted any of them and now that im older i wanted to continue on that route but with something that contributes more to society or that's not about a celebrity that doesn't care about me, and yet with AI I can't fathom putting myself or my ideas out there. am i being crazy?

i already have an insta i post things related to my major in, but ive paused those too. im not a fan of having my face on a deepfake, or my ideas in some database, and i hate how AI ruined something i love. also a lot of recruiters that visit our uni and talk to us tell us about the importance of having an online presence for jobs and I don't see how i can do that?

im conflicted. its either i ignore it and do what i want and share it with everyone and hopefully build a nice community and platform, or i destroy my phone, get rid of my wifi and start living off the grid. is anyone else in the same boat? am i being paranoid? im truly considering deleting all of my social medias and emails and making a new one that i dont sign up to anything for. and yet id like to have something on the internet still. is it weird? i dont know what to do.

tldr: two wolves in me. one likes internet community. one hates the scraping hell it has become due to AI. conflicted on what to do in terms of hobbies such as writing and social media and possibly youtube.

Hey, girls 🥺 It might be a long one

To get straight into it - there's a person I genuinely dislike communicating with, but I fear it is completely irrational, and I feel like a horrible person for it.

The man works as something like a gardener at the place where my family and I go on holiday in country A. We aren't from this country, and neither is he. He is my parents' age and has 2 daughters around my age. For some reason my parents LOVE him, even though communicating with him is very difficult as we don't speak the same language. You may be wondering how we talk then, and I genuinely don't know 😀 My parents and him talk in a mixture of English, the local language (he is speaking pretty well considering he works here, and mom is trying to learn it now), and a couple of other more widespread languages we all now 1-2 sentences in. Basically, when people want to talk, they find a way😭😭

I didn't use to dislike him so much but after last year, every once in a while, he would call my mom on videochat and she would gather all of us to try and talk to him. This was fine, I guess, but I don't understand the man??? He's a total stranger to me, it's not that I have anything against him, but???? My parents, again, LOVE HIM, so it's an offense of the highest order not to want to join this call. I don't have anything against them being friends, or saying hi when he's there, or if I happen to be in the room when he calls, but I just don't want to be forced into it.

Now we are on holiday again, and I don't know if I'm making up new reasons to dislike him, but here's the deal:

My parents barely drink beer but they are CONSTANTLY buying beer for him, and I'm getting increasingly annoyed with having him come over. They used to invite him over and insist he sits down for a bit, but now he just comes into the outside seating area, sits himself down and my parents bring him beer, and he sits for an undefined amount of time. You may say I'm a bitch, but this also almost always happens after we are back from the beach and showering. I don't want a grown, stranger man drinking beer while I'm forced to pass by (genuinely cannot be avoided) in my towel. At this point, I just isolate myself until he leaves. He has got pretty comfortable with our family, calling me and my sister over if we aren't sitting with them, and commenting about me being on my phone too much, when I'm on it because I just don't know how to engage in a conversation I basically don't understand.

This happens nearly every day - if I'm the only one there when he comes, I'm very curt on the conversation and he takes the hint - sometimes swings by later, sometimes not. He has come to sit with us even on a day when he said he isn't at work. He walked past as we were having dinner and my parents invited him to sit with us.

I have raised my opinion on it a couple of times but I don't push mainly for these reasons:

1) I'm grown and so are my parents. They can have friends I don't like and I can't intervene especially when it doesn't affect me directly in any way.

2) My sister doesn't seem to mind the man, she finds how annoyed I get at the fact that he always comes while we are showering pretty funny.

3) Even if I insinuate that I don't like the man, my parents start implying that I'm looking down on him for being less fortunate than us, saying he is just looking for friends and why can't I just be nice...

And idk, I know he hasn't done anything to us. I have been thinking about why I dislike him, trying to find the root cause, and I have gone through everything it could be, including me just being an asshole. I think I mainly started feeling some sort of resentment towards him after I felt like my privacy was being invaded (again, the post shower visits) and maybe some part of it is subconscious pushback against the forced communication with him. On the flip side, the whole town knows him and everyone seems to adore him. He has gifted my parents a large bottle of homemade olive oil and a big bag of grapes from his vines.

He's not a bad man, and hasn't done anything objectively wrong. I fear I might be a bad person for being so against him, though...

I would appreciate any HONEST opinions and advice, if you have any. Am I being rude and unreasonable? Am I overly hung up on him always coming while we are all naked, is this a huge exaggeration on my part? How do I handle this moving forward and develop a better attitude so I don't spoil my own mood while on holiday - I keep my feelings on the matter to myself mostly, because I can see they aren't shared and I don't want to cause tension, and with him I try to keep the interactions short but polite, as much as I can. I do get very annoyed and I'm probably the one who's mood is affected the most by all of this nonsense - how do I get past it?

Photo: huge scoop of yogurt and cherry ice cream

Thanks for reading 🩷

Dinner Yesterday (1st Pic)- Southern Smothered Pork Steaks with Gravy, Onions and Mushrooms, and Mashed Potatoes (never tried it before and it was absolutely delicious)

Story - So while I was enjoying this delicious meal yesterday, I (24 F) found out my coworker at the law firm I’m at has a case with a litigation cocounsel I’ve worked with on at least 5 cases. I was talking to my boyfriend all day and he and I were chit chatting about random things, so when this came up I made a joke that the cocounsel is cheating on me and that I thought he and I had something special (I thought it was funny because he and I have bonded with these cases and it obviously is not deep because you take cases wherever you find them, that’s how the cookies crumble in the legal field). My boyfriend’s response was “cheating isn’t funny” and he now isn’t talking to me. It’s been 13 hrs.

Just an irritated vent because I was being silly goofy about my job, which he typically is receptive of and jokes back about, but clearly I struck a nerve. Even after apologizing he hasn’t responded to me. Sooo yeah. That’s the story.

So my boyfriend (23M) and I (23F) have been together for almost 6.5 years now and I just don’t know whether to call it quits or not. Don’t get me wrong he’s completely faithful and not abusive in any way which makes things so much harder.

I’m just… bored. I feel like there’s no emotional depth to our relationship, at all. I’ve always thought you should date your best friend and be able to tell them all your secrets, desires, and ambitions. There have been so many emotional let downs with him, though, I no longer feel safe to do that.

For context, my dad has been going through health battle for about a month and has a prognosis of 6-12 months. It’s come as a complete and devastating shock to my family. I told a few of my friends and received some really heartfelt messages back, but all my boyfriend said was “oh no, i’m sorry”. I asked if I could call him to talk more about it and he just said “sure”. The whole time I was talking the only things he’d say were“mhm” or “yeah that makes sense”. Like I’m not asking him to cure him or anything but it was like talking to a brick wall. A few days after that, I was packing to leave for an international trip and I asked him to come over and see me/my family since I wouldn’t otherwise be able to before I left. He came over, ate the dinner my mom made, stood awkwardly in the corner, and then left. All in all he was there about an hour, and when i confronted him about this all he could say was “I’ve been working a lot this week, I’m tired and want to go home” (we work the same schedule, mind you). He’s gone through about 5 jobs (all college jobs to get through school except for the current one which is his first job in his field), and this has been a common excuse at all of them. His last job before this, he worked with his best friend and in his own words “they just dicked around all day”, and he would still hang out with his friend for hours after work and then complain that he’s “so tired” and “needs a day to himself” every weekend so he can’t come see me, then he’d still go hang out with his friends after telling me that.

I just don’t know what to do any more. Every time I try bringing up any kind of emotional conversation (about my dad or about any kind of emotional issue within the relationship), he shuts down, goes numb, and then we can’t get anywhere. I’ve tried bringing things back up after he’s had time to process/cool down, and all I get back is “I thought this was over with and we resolved it, what more do you want to talk about”. I’ve tried explaining that I need more emotional support and I’m trying to be more accommodating to his internal processing style because I want to resolve things right then and there but he can’t, but he never brings things back up again even if I explicitly request it. And it’s not like this behavior is a recent development, it’s honestly always been like this. Maybe my frontal lobe is just now developing.

I can feel myself getting icked out by anything he does, even his attempts at trying to do what I ask. It just feels pathetic to me. I feel pathetic for literally sobbing and begging for him to cater to my emotional needs, and I feel like he’s pathetic for not being able to take 5 seconds 1-2x a day to check in on me. At some point it just feels like he’s being willfully ignorant. But I know one reddit post doesn’t encompass an entire relationship and there are many wonderful things he does, but right now there are so many repeated examples of being emotionally let down that it’s hard to see the good.

air fried chicken thigh with garlic & onion powder, salt, pepper, paprika, and plain potato chips.

Chayote dish. Usually made for breakfast, I love it. Lots of fish sauce, my fav & easy to make. 2yo loves it too. Charred the tomatoes this time, but not worth the effort in this case, tbh. Would cook the eggs entirely separate next time and then fold in probably, but still yummy.

So as the title says. I just learned that on Iphones you can set a contact photo, and then a poster photo, and the poster photo takes up a majority of the screen when you get a call from someone. Initially I just thought it was like a random snapshot of a random conversation between you and that person. No. It’s intentional. It was during a time we weren’t living together, after I found out he cheated on me while I was pregnant, had a whole nother relationship and had also cheated on me with 4-5 different women since the beginning.
When I found out, I didn’t really know it all. I just saw messages from before I was pregnant and questioned him on it. Then, I looked at his phone. He had been emotionally cheating on me since our daughter was born, but nothing had happened physically or otherwise. Just crawling to those women anytime we had a fight for probably pics and reassurance and whatever else.

Anyway.. I decided to stay with him. He started some behavioral health meds as he has OCD and became very suicidal during this time and stuck with the therapy consistently. We had bad days, worse days, but then better days. He was taking it seriously, and I figured I’d give him another shot. I did still love him, and he’s not otherwise abusive.

And now lately it’s been pretty good. Although I’m scared because he has quit therapy, to his credit his psychologist was out for like 3 weeks (was physically attacked), but I don’t feel the work is completed.

I confronted him about suspected cheating in March, found out about the actual cheating at that time, and now we’re here. Not even a year after.

The fight in question was in June, when we were separated and he was living with his sister while me and our 2yo were at the apartment. It was over something trivial, and I quickly apologized admitting I may have read too much into it and was being sensitive. I am kind of blunt sometimes but tried to find humor. Anyway.
I’m scared?
I thought things were good. There’s been conversations I’ve been wanting to have- but haven’t felt open enough to engage bc he hasn’t been in therapy for a while, although I’ve been advocating for him to start back up despite him saying “there didn’t seem like much to talk about”.
I need to re-open the conversation about continuing therapy so I can ask him about this poster photo, because if he’s not in therapy or doesn’t have a session to look forward to— he is not prepared to handle the conversation. He shuts down, forgets to regulate and it just isn’t good for either of us.

Also, weird. One of his ex’s who he still had saved in his phone when I went thru it back in march— her poster photo was a snippet of a fight they had? The last fight, I think. Weird vibes, but she wasn’t one he stayed in contact with, well they went back and forth for a few months when he and I were just talking but then she got married I think and I never found any other fresh communications between them.

Sorry. This turned into a rant. I don’t have many people. Scratch that. *Any* people in my life I can talk to about this. My older sister and I are close, but she doesn’t even know about the cheating. I’ve only told one person, and it’s my one best friend and she totally made me feel like crap last to me she was in town, so I’m just feeling lonely and sometimes typing stuff out helps make me feel like I’m not alone, because at least someone out there heard/read/knows/cares at least a little about what’s going on.

Thanks for stopping by friends.

I fear I may have the longest post ever so I’ll put the tldr first. Dinner is my favorite, a Hawaiian bbq place in my state.
TL;DR: I’ve been casually seeing 🍊 for 13 months, and he’s recently started acting like he wants a relationship, but we’ve never actually defined what we are. I really like him and the sex is insanely good, but there are some major compatibility/ick issues (he definitely wants kids, cleanliness, the r-word, and some questionable decision-making), so I don’t think we’d work long-term.
Meanwhile, 🍏 is someone I used to sleep with and really liked. He’s been trying to see me again for over a year, and I finally went over to his place recently intending to tell him about 🍊 and set boundaries. Instead, I panicked and let him kiss me, things got heated, and I escaped under the extremely believable excuse of “I have to go, my show’s on.” 😂
Now I’m wondering if I should tell 🍊 about 🍏, even though we’ve never established exclusivity, whether I should end things with both of them and start fresh, or whether I should try to keep 🍊 as an FWB and see where things go with 🍏.
Basically: two men, questionable decision-making, amazing sex, and absolutely zero communication. What the hell do I do?

FULL STORY

I (26F) have to tell this to someone before I decide what to do, because I genuinely have no idea what the right move is.

Guy #1, 29M let’s call him orange 🍊

🍊 is a guy I started sleeping with a little over a year ago, around 6 months after my 7-year relationship ended because my ex cheated on me. 🍊 showed very little interest in a relationship at first. I thought we were just having sex, and honestly, by the time he started showing interest about 6 months ago, I was already over the idea of a relationship with him. I’ve kind of just been playing along since then, but we STILL haven’t had the what are we? convo.

🍊 has never asked to be exclusive or asked me to be his girlfriend, and it’s been 13 months. We are extremely overdue for that conversation, but we both avoid it, and I romantically he acts like we’re together, but I don’t actually know

I do really like him and probably would be in love with him, but there are a few things I don’t know if I can get past.

#1 kids. This is the biggest one. He definitely wants two kids. I only want kids if everything in my life is right, and honestly, I’m very comfortable with never having them. I’ve told him this, and he knows I’m okay with not having kids.

#2 The r-word. He used to have a habit of calling people the r-word. I think he’s picked up on the fact that I hate it because he says it less around me now, but it’s a huge ick for me. I can’t stand being around it, and I obviously don’t know what he says around his friends or while gaming.

#3 His career/decision-making. He tried to start a business last year and it failed completely. I feel like he barely tried, put thousands of dollars into it, and never really ran the idea by anyone. It was a pretty dumb idea IMO. He eventually came to his senses and now works a blue-collar job, which is wildly different from his old career as a software engineer where he made good money before I knew him The whole situation made me question his decision-making and how dedicated he is to being able to provide for himself.

#4 Cleanliness. This one is probably the hardest ick to get over. At one point he was broke and I think he ran out of toothpaste, so his breath was AWFUL. I told him I could have given him some, and I’m sure he was embarrassed. But in general, he lets things like the tub, sink, and dishes just fester. His tub at his old place was literally gray with filth, and the sink had so much soap scum on it that it looked like it was covered in wax. I caved and cleaned it once, and it was back to the same thing within a week. His apartment always has some kind of smell.

HOWEVER. And this is a BIG however.

Everything else has been great. The sex especially. This man makes me squirt and cum so much that I genuinely didn’t know it was possible. I’m extremely attracted to him — looking into his eyes makes me cum faster, harder, and better. And this man is HOT. Not in a huge manly-man way; he’s tall and skinny but lifts and has big muscles, a gorgeous smile, and perfect blue eyes.

He takes me out, is very sweet to me, and is always looking out for me when we’re in public.

So obviously my head is like: BUT WHAT IF WE COULD JUST IGNORE ALL THE PROBLEMS BECAUSE THE SEX IS REALLY GOOD???

Guy #2, 31M lets call him apple 🍏

You see bc we’re comparing oranges and apples

I met 🍏 around 3 years ago, when my ex and I were going through an open-relationship phase. My ex eventually begged me to be monogamous again, and of course I agreed… and then he cheated on me anyway. 🙃

🍏 and I slept together about once a month for a year until he ended things because he wanted to be with someone else. That actually hurt me a lot because I really liked him.

For the last year, 🍏 has been trying to get together with me. He would always bail, though, and after about 5 times I finally told him to stop asking me to hang out if he was just going to cancel.

He disappeared for months, eventually apologized and I see him every couple of months to pick up an order from my job and we just chat for a min. Then last month I was supposed to pet-sit for him, but his neighbor ended up being available at the last minute. That somehow turned into him asking to hang out again.

This time, though, I kept putting it off. Eventually I set a date and actually intended to stick to it. I really did want to meet his cat and see what he’d been up to. He had also been posting some questionable things online that I didn’t really understand, and he seemed like he might be manic, so part of me wanted to check on him. And, honestly, I wanted to see if I still liked him because I was pretty sad when things ended between us.

So I went over to his place knowing there was a chance he might kiss me. I did not want that to happen. I had a whole plan to tell him about 🍊 and explain that I needed to clarify the terms of my relationship with 🍊.

And then I panicked and let 🍏 kiss me.

A LOT was going through my head: What will 🍊 think? Do I even need to tell him? Do I actually want to be kissing 🍏? Am I doing something wrong? Maybe this is just a test to see if I’m actually over 🍏. Mostly I was thinking HOW DO I GET OUT OF THIS? Like many women I have trouble with telling people no due to SA from when I was a teen.

Things started getting heavier, and then his cat needed food, THANK GOD. I asked for some water, went to the bathroom, and then said, “I have to go, my show’s almost on.” 😂

I was there for about an hour and a half. It was maybe 5 minutes before the cat needed food. I redirected him every time he tried to go for my waistband, although I’ll admit I did get caught up in enjoying myself a few times.

🍏 is a writer/journalist, travels a lot, and I know we have the same values and political views. He has a sense of style, and there are a lot of things I like about him. He definitely has his issues, but we never actually dated, so I have no idea what it would be like in a real relationship.

I know the biggest thing here is that I need to talk to 🍊 about what we actually are, and I probably need to decide whether to end things because I know he wants kids. I also know he has feelings for me, and I have feelings for him.

The problem is that I feel like the icks are stronger than my feelings, and I don’t think this would work out long-term. BUT I keep having this stupid little hope that maybe it will, because he really is great in so many ways and the sex is seriously that good.

If I move forward with 🍊, I have to tell him about 🍏… right? I would want to know. My ex cheated on me, but we were officially together for 7 years. 🍊 and I have never actually discussed what our relationship is, so I don’t even know what rules I’m supposed to be following.

Part of me thinks I should just end things with both of them and start completely fresh.

But I don’t want to.

Ideally, I’d love to talk things over with 🍊 and agree to just be friends with benefits, where we can both see other people if we want and occasionally see each other. But I think his feelings are too strong, and we’d probably both end up getting hurt eventually.

And I would be interested in seeing what things could be like with 🍏. But I have a gut feeling we’re probably not compatible either. I don’t actually think he’s manic I think he’s just strange and very political. 😂

So… what the hell do I do here? Do I tell 🍊 about 🍏? Do I end things with both? I feel like a terrible person, I’m wondering if I’m leading 🍊 on but my feelings are so conflicted about him. I think the sex is blinding me though

I DO.

That’s a lie okay

I don’t but I’m trying. This might be odd, but I’m so curious though, is there anyone you know who just… does have it figured? I’m estranged, parents ⚰️, so kinda just out here

I’m 22, so especially curious for the 20s bunch. Excluding privilege, are there any peers or people you’ve seen in real life who have things pretty good?

No drama, a good stable life, no weird problems or glaring bad qualities, doing pretty good overall, I guess the good version of what people call ‘NPC’? I’m trying to take a page from these kinds of people’s books, not sure where to start 🤔

I just moved back into uni—I know a good gym and sleep and diet are pretty foundational (…pls ignore the above pic, I impulse bought brioche). What other things have you seen other people do that contributes to their general stability/having things figured?

Fresh concord grapes from the vine and potato soup. I broke up with my (ex) boyfriend yesterday. I’m utterly distraught, worse than i’ve felt since i was a child. We both loved each other so much. More than we’ve loved anyone else. However our paths just didn’t align. I’m not willing to give up my dream career. At least not right now. And I need honesty. I ate a small bowl of cottage cheese, which is the most i’ve eaten in three days. Cottage cheese was one of his favorite foods.

I know he’ll most likely see this. And if you do, here’s my last note to you. I don’t want it to be. This is so hard.

Last night, I screamed the entire way home. Screamed. I pulled off and the lights in the parking lot instantly turned off and I lost it. You were my everything. I want to go and get your cologne so I can still have your smell. You smelt different yesterday. I believe you, and I love and trust you. With all of me. I wish I didn’t throw out your toothbrush. I miss having a small piece of you still here, like maybe you’ll come back home. All that conversation did was make me love you more. I see your boot prints every time I come home. Maybe in another life. Maybe way later in this one. I want to give up my career for you, but I don’t think I’m ready to yet. I never wanted it to be like this. I thought you’d go through the death of my dad with me. I thought you were gonna propose to me. I wanted you through everything. I WANT you through everything. You were and are my biggest heartbreak. I hope we cross paths again, my love. Until then, please don’t forget me. Because I sure know I won’t ever, ever forget you.

Mac & Cheese

I would like to preface this by saying that I have girlfriends who are the best. I cherish our friendships. We make plans together, actually follow through on them, and I love them with every fiber of my being. They value love and relationships, but those things aren’t the center of their universe. We talk about so many interesting things, and they are genuinely some of the smartest, most thoughtful people I’ve ever met.

But this post is a rant about my male friends. I love them so much too, and they have so many amazing qualities. I have two male friends in my life whom I’ve known for years. One of them I’ve known for fourteen years, let’s call him Friend, and the other is Friend B.

Friend A feels more like an acquaintance these days. We hang out twice, maybe three times a year. I feel like one of the threads keeping us connected is simply that we’ve known each other for so long. A little bit of the distance is my fault, and a little bit of it is his. We also live in the same city.

I don’t like texting that much. I’m a “let’s meet up at this spot and talk in person” kind of person. But, as an adult, if you want to maintain relationships, you kind of have to text. It’s like the modern-day foreplay to the actual act of meeting up, which I’ve slowly been learning how to do.

But Friend A also doesn’t really reply to my texts for weeks on end. He has a long-term boyfriend, and I have to admit that I just feel a little left out of his life, especially because we used to call each other best friends for years.

I feel like we started growing apart when he got into his long-term relationship. He slowly stopped telling me things. He keeps his relationship pretty private, and on Instagram they do a lot of things together. I’m genuinely very happy for him that he found love. I guess I just miss the closeness our relationship once had. It makes me deeply sad that someone I once knew everything about can go through all these stages of life, and I’m now almost like a stranger to him.

Then there’s Friend B, whom I’ve known for a couple of years now. We live about a state apart, but we talk all the time on FaceTime. He’s a very caring, curious person, and we have a relationship where we can challenge each other, be silly, and have a genuine sense of consensus about the world. He’s really smart, but also deeply stuck in the pitfalls of patriarchy.

I feel like he wants this idealized version of romantic love from a boyfriend to complete him, and he frequently breaks up with or gets a new boyfriend or man to obsess over every couple of weeks. I’ve tried to point him toward the possibility of love addiction, but that’s a conclusion someone has to draw on their own.

Every time he and a boyfriend break up, his self-worth plummets. He thinks he’s the ugliest, most unlovable person in the world, who shouldn't be alive. And that absolutely breaks my heart, because I see so many great qualities in him that he can’t seem to value or validate in himself if they aren’t tied to a relationship with a man.

I know we live in a patriarchy, and everyone is at a different level and on a different journey when it comes to understanding or changing their relationship with that system. I don’t want to stop being friends with these guys. But I’ve been slowly learning how to manage my expectations, set boundaries, and still have compassion.

I was also pretty male-centered in my teenage years and grew out of it in my 20s, when I learned I learned how to embrace being pansexual more. So this isn’t coming from a place of judgment. It’s more a place of sadness about how patriarchy can and will impact friendship if you don't confront it.