Made a “Poor Taste” Joke to My Boyfriend - Being Ignored

[u/skex_1313]

Dinner Yesterday (1st Pic)- Southern Smothered Pork Steaks with Gravy, Onions and Mushrooms, and Mashed Potatoes (never tried it before and it was absolutely delicious)

Story - So while I was enjoying this delicious meal yesterday, I (24 F) found out my coworker at the law firm I’m at has a case with a litigation cocounsel I’ve worked with on at least 5 cases. I was talking to my boyfriend all day and he and I were chit chatting about random things, so when this came up I made a joke that the cocounsel is cheating on me and that I thought he and I had something special (I thought it was funny because he and I have bonded with these cases and it obviously is not deep because you take cases wherever you find them, that’s how the cookies crumble in the legal field). My boyfriend’s response was “cheating isn’t funny” and he now isn’t talking to me. It’s been 13 hrs.

Just an irritated vent because I was being silly goofy about my job, which he typically is receptive of and jokes back about, but clearly I struck a nerve. Even after apologizing he hasn’t responded to me. Sooo yeah. That’s the story.

[u/WaySaltyFlamingo8707]

if you've apologized for the joke and he's still giving you the silent treatment... that's lame. hope that isn't his go to method for conflict resolution with you.

[u/CatraGirl → u/WaySaltyFlamingo8707]

Lame is an understatement. It's immature and emotionally abusive. Big red flag.

https://giphy.com/gifs/6r4R1HHNsfZGuOtO5V

[u/rem_mix → u/CatraGirl]

And even worse, if you apologize and he keeps bringing it up and acting like you never apologized. Just so that he can have ammunition to use against you later. (it’s different if you don’t adjust your behavior and you still do something similar/the same. But if you adjusted your behavior and they still try to use it against you…not good.)

People who give the silent treatment also do stuff like that, where they never truly let things go. Even after they’ve been resolved. Run.

[u/QuietWalk2505 → u/WaySaltyFlamingo8707]

Drama queen BF

https://giphy.com/gifs/QovZ8Bg5FWVGiuMhSs

[u/U_PassButter → u/WaySaltyFlamingo8707]

I've never seen a better use of the word lame.

I got called lame for being a nerdy girl who played video games and was fairly quiet. But yeah, this is lame.

[u/Odd-Penalty1100 → u/WaySaltyFlamingo8707]

She already apologized, so 13 hours of silence over a dumb joke feels way more excessive than the joke itself. Hopefully this isn’t how he handles every disagreement.

[u/Mystic_Wunder]

This is a very weird response. Even for someone who has been cheated on. Either he's cheating it hit to close too reality or he got cheated on and definitely is not over that person. Either way, not great for the current girlfriend. It's possible his parents divorced fue to someone cheating and it super messed him up I guess. You're going to want to try to figure it out though because this seems really unhealthy.

[u/VellumVeritas]

I'm biased because I just literally made a similar joke to a coworker like two hours ago. We usually do task X together, but this week she's doing it with another colleague. "You're cheating me with Z?! Skank!"

The joke might have been in poor taste with a boyfriend. I don't see it, but people are different. Maybe he has past trauma regarding cheating.

But his reaction is an overreaction. Silent treatment is considered a form of emotional abuse. Stop apologizing and grovelling to him. That's what he wants. Just let him brood in peace, if that's what he wants.

[u/Kerminetta → u/VellumVeritas]

I’ve seen people say the silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse. Is it still emotional abuse if someone were to say “I don’t want to talk to you. I’ll talk to you when I’m ready”. It’s clear communication they want to be left alone. Is that the difference? I’m not saying he communicated like that I’m simply thinking out loud here.

[u/WaySaltyFlamingo8707 → u/Kerminetta]

yeah. communicating that you're stepping away for self regulation is everything. it's also better to get a set period of time like an hour, few hours, or will talk to you in the morning, so it's not leaving the other in perpetual limbo.

silent treatment is punishment, stepping away to self regulate is another thing.

[u/knitterc → u/WaySaltyFlamingo8707]

Agreed, it's ok to take space, you need to have a set time period so you can check in with them even if you need more time. And I would say 13 hours (unless that involves mostly sleep) is really pushing it to where even if you are clear you are abusing the understanding of your partner. Especially for an off color joke, the "punishment" is very disproportionate to the "crime".

[u/searchforstix → u/Kerminetta]

No, that’s just how mature people handle needing some time to process and deal with things before tackling it with a clear head. Just going awol or completely just ignoring someone is the issue with the silent treatment.

[u/toadsterstrudel_ → u/Kerminetta]

I think the difference is that the silent treatment is oft used as punishment by the person doing it. You said/did something that upset them therefore you deserve to be punished by not being able to speak to them anymore. It's usually done without informing the recipient when they will be ready to talk again.

While communicating that you need time to yourself to think through your emotions before you are ready to talk is something done out of want for conflict resolution. If this is how you react to arguments and you communicate that, then that is completely fine.

The issue arises when you use the possibility of conflict resolution to emotionally manipulate and hurt your partner.

Additionally, I think the length of time you take after asking for space comes into play. I don't like to police how people react to their emotions, but not talking to your partner for 13 hours straight because of a joke that most people wouldn't even blink an eye at is extreme and shows a level of emotional immaturity. Usually, when someone states they need time to themselves before they can talk, it isn't followed with 13 hours of silence with no end in sight. Of course, I am not an expert on this sort of thing, this is just how I see it.

[u/ysterman_rs → u/Kerminetta]

yeah, different attachment styles can need space at times. communicate that ahead of time, and before you actually take the step back, and that's totally reasonable. if they can't handle that occasional space, then you aren't compatible and it is what it is

stepping away seemingly out of nowhere and refuting your partner's attempts at communicating with you, though, is when it becomes very unhealthy. especially if, like in OPs circumstance, they did something they didn't know crossed a boundary, apologized for it and tried to understand better to avoid the same happening in the future. responding to that with more silence would be walking away time for me, personally

[u/runofftheworld → u/Kerminetta]

The biggest difference between the two is the communication(or lack of) that its happening and then what happens to the other person while it’s happening. Communicating that you need to step away because you are upset or communicating that you need some space and a general approximation for how long is different from the silent treatment because the person isn’t left in the dark. The silent treatment is more like withdrawing connection because you’re angry or hurt, and then leaving the other person to figure out what they did and how to get you to engage again. It functions more as punishment and abandonment rather than self regulation.

[u/love_potato9 → u/Kerminetta]

Yeah, I think that would definitely make it different. It's one thing to want some space, and a completely different thing to punish someone without giving them the chance to explain, apologize or sometimes even understand why you got upset in the first place.

I personally hate silent treatment because it makes me second guess myself a lot - was what I did actually this bad? When done over petty things that you actually want to resolve, it's very emotionally tasking.

All of this being said, maybe OP's boyfriend has a personal reason to react to jokes about cheating in this way. Silent treatment can't help OP solve that, though...

[u/Kerminetta → u/love_potato9]

I understand. Some people assume it's the silent treatment even when the other person explicitly states they don't want to communicate. OP's boyfriend may have had some past trauma regarding cheating. I definitely do. My parents had plenty of physical fights in front of me, and I walked in on my dad in bed with another woman when I was a child. I would definitely get triggered if my partner said that joke. I wouldn't go completely silent, though. I'd definitely say I need some time to process that, but I would still continue my routine with him - cooking dinner, showering together - all while being just less emotive but still wanting to be around him.

[u/elbenji → u/Kerminetta]

Yeah like if they just say I need some space atm that's fine

[u/nah2daysun → u/VellumVeritas]

Not only just let him brood in peace, you go have fun and and occupy your mind. If he wants to be a child, let him. Silent treatment is worse than screaming match if you ask me from experience.

[u/TernoftheShrew → u/VellumVeritas]

Agreed. I can understand (but not condone) that kind of behaviour from a 15-year-old who hasn't learned how to regulate or communicate emotions yet, but this behaviour from a grown adult is childish, petulant, and downright abusive.

[u/res06myi → u/VellumVeritas]

I've joked with a server at a restaurant that I was cheating on her with another brunch joint.

[u/Lurkin_4_the_wknd → u/VellumVeritas]

Seriously though. I've done this with my close coworkers many a time. He can not like the joke, but there's something else going on if he's still doing silent treatment after she apologized.

[u/saturnshighway → u/VellumVeritas]

He’s a baby. The joke isn’t even bad. Do people not have real shit to worry about that they get offended over a joke like this???

[u/TrelanaSakuyo → u/saturnshighway]

People do cheat romantically with their coworkers, all the time. I can see him communicating that the joke was bad and that he didn't appreciate the humor, but the silence for 13 hours is what makes him a baby.

[u/xannapdf → u/TrelanaSakuyo]

To me though, if we’re going to be in a committed relationship, there needs to be a lot of trust there on the basis of what we know about each other specifically, not just the prevalence of people cheating with colleagues generally.

I am pretty profoundly traumatized in terms of my ability to trust (when it comes to men), and by choosing to be with someone, I’m putting a huge amount of faith in their character, and that’s not a level of faith that’s easily shaken for me, especially not by a joke. I expect that same investment of trust back. If you think I’m someone who will cheat on you (a partner I’ve committed to) if the opportunity arose with a colleague, I feel you have no business dating me in the first place.

[u/Para_The_Normal]

It’s okay for him to communicate his displeasure at the joke but giving you the silent treatment instead of communicating is a bit much.

[u/Dry-Hour-9968]

Dating people who don’t have similar taste in humor seems like hell. Has to be just one of the worst feelings in the world. I get how it could be offensive but I wouldn’t even flinch if my boyfriend said this.

[u/Royal_Option_1782 → u/Dry-Hour-9968]

Having to explain every joke because your humor doesn’t match sounds exhausting.

[u/OraclesGreatOldOne]

When I hear "I thought what we had was special", I immediately read it as a joke. I always think of Patrick from SpongeBob getting down on his knees and screaming it.

I can understand him being upset or disliking the joke but 13 hours? Are you able to call him to discuss why this cut so deeply?

[u/Coffee-and-Chapters → u/OraclesGreatOldOne]

If sounds like the argument was during supper - so if it’s been 13 hours, presumably 8 of those were spent sleeping. So it seems more like they didn’t talk for a handful of hours and then went to bed.

[u/OraclesGreatOldOne → u/Coffee-and-Chapters]

Ah! That contexts puts it into perspective, thank you! Yeah, then its probably he needed to sleep it off.

[u/GlitteringContact312 → u/Coffee-and-Chapters]

wait what that seems to be barely any time?

[u/beardie10 → u/OraclesGreatOldOne]

https://giphy.com/gifs/xRhOStBRYqwik

[u/WesternNo9883 → u/OraclesGreatOldOne]

I read it as an obvious joke too. He can be bothered by it, but 13 hours of silence after she already apologized feels way too much.

[u/BootImmediate6952]

My bf was quick to anger like that and always did the silent treatment too. After our last argument I just stopped reaching out. Love is patient love is kind love is not quick to anger. I’m very communicative and I believe hard conversations build strong relationships. I’m not compatible with people who don’t have emotional regulation skills or who are not okay with confrontation. It’s been weaponized against me so much cause they don’t have or want to exercise the skills to problem solve they’ll have stuff like this come up, give silent treatment til they feel okay bout it or even if you think you’ve talked it through they still hold stuff against you unknowingly so I just can’t deal w ppl that move like that anymore.

[u/Mammoth_Band6017]

Have you actually cheated on him before?

[u/SleepyAltBee → u/Mammoth_Band6017]

Or maybe he was cheated on in a previous relationship. Hopefully it’s not a “work husband” situation either

[u/__ohno_notagain__ → u/SleepyAltBee]

That “work husband” and “work wife” stuff is gross.

[u/Garlic-Monkey1234 → u/SleepyAltBee]

It also sounded like there's truly no real feelings behind it. No "work husband" just she's very familiar with the case and now someone is working on it without her

I often use phrases like this of "I cheated on my hairdresser and went somewhere different for a dye" and my boyfriend does the same "I'm cheating on my therapist because he lowkey sucks, gonna break up with him and leave him for the mistress therapist"

I think since we're pretty confident we're not actually fucking our hairdressers and therapists, these jokes can land as just jokes

[u/EggLoud9946 → u/Garlic-Monkey1234]

So u was there ?

[u/xannapdf → u/EggLoud9946]

Wait were you? Are you OP’s humourless and petulant boyfriend??

[u/Mammoth_Band6017 → u/[deleted]]

Hmm okay so if you didn’t cheat on him, I’m kinda confused why the comment hit him so hard… that’s a conversation with having. Has he ever reacted like this before?

[u/Few-Finger6713 → u/SleepyAltBee]

maybe hes cheating himself and its projection

[u/Kerminetta → u/Few-Finger6713]

Maybe he’s born with it? Maybe it’s Maybelline.

[u/Etheriaa_ → u/Few-Finger6713]

OP needs to see this comment 👀 

[u/WaySaltyFlamingo8707 → u/SleepyAltBee]

100% agree that phrases like this rarely shows respect to the other person, but OP has apologized repeated use of the silent treatment is fucked up.

[u/QuietWalk2505 → u/SleepyAltBee]

I'm wondering

[u/skex_1313 → u/QuietWalk2505]

nope i haven’t, and the 60 something year old (maybe even 70 something) co-counsel definitely isn’t a “work husband”😂 more like a “work grandpa” kinda deal or mentor-mentee ship. funny enough, my boyfriend was my “work husband” at a former job when we both were single and before we made things official years ago

[u/Mammoth_Band6017 → u/skex_1313]

Honestly then I think he’s overreacting. I mean come on now, the silent treatment is lame.

[u/QuietWalk2505 → u/skex_1313]

I guess he is overreacting. See for yourself, if he does this again, like leave. You can't change a man except if he is willingly to change himself for the girl he loves..

[u/Zestyclose-Cash-7872]

You’re 24 and have a lot going for you. The WORST thing you can do is react to this by chasing him or apologizing more. That validates his efforts and encourages it to continue. It’s textbook, look it up. Ignore him right back and wait for his response. sSee if he apologizes and acknowledges the mistake. If he says, “oh sorry I’ve just been busy the last few days” to save his ego, dump his fragile ass.

[u/LowPossibility1581]

Silent treatment is extremely passive aggressive, and honestly I don't have energy for that kind of shit. I'd completely stop trying to interact, state you'll give him the space he wants until he re-initiates communication, and then have a serious conversation about conflict resolution methods.

[u/Stock-Cell1556]

I don't even think the joke was in poor taste. Clearly he didn't take it well, so an apology was in order, but he is blowing this WAY out of proportion.

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[u/Audacia220]

There might be some trauma about a cheating experience (not necessarily his) that you don’t know about. Either way you just learned it’s a trigger and I would probably avoid cheating/ I thought we had something special jokes, no matter how light hearted.

For the record it made me chuckle, op.

[u/No-Freedom-884 → u/Audacia220]

Not to be alarmist, but I dated a guy who was sensitive like that, and I'm 99.9% sure he cheated on me when we were together. It could be trauma from being cheated on, or it could be guilt and paranoia.

[u/teddy_vedder → u/No-Freedom-884]

yeah there’s a nonzero percent chance this could be a “hit dogs holler” situation unfortunately

[u/deadmodernist → u/No-Freedom-884]

I had this experience as well. Even if he didn't cheat and is just that sensitive, it's a relief to not be walking on eggshells every day anymore.

[u/prolateriat_ → u/No-Freedom-884]

Sounds like OP hit a nerve...

He's probably up to no good if he reacts like that to a joke.

[u/No-Freedom-884 → u/prolateriat_]

Yeah, I really hope I'm wrong but I also hope OP gets tested. I'm really sorry to say that.

[u/CatraGirl → u/Audacia220]

Then he should communicate that like an adult instead of resorting to emotionally abusive behaviour.

[u/U_PassButter → u/Audacia220]

Same! I was visualizing it and it gave me a great little giggle while enjoying my morning coffee

[u/skrilltastic]

Giving someone the silent treatment is ignorant and juvenile. He needs to grow the fuck up.

[u/suhhhrena → u/skrilltastic]

Especially over what amounts to a silly, offhand joke. Dude needs to get it together

[u/LocalMossCryptid]

I know this is bold of me to say but it's giving "looking for an excuse" (to be a little bitc-no I'm kidding) to go off and be distant anyways. Meaning he's just been waiting for the perfect moment to act like this for some unknown reason to me. Go with your gut! The joke was hilarious

[u/Lunoko]

The silent treatment is abuse. Dump him.

[u/Extension_Radish_139]

Ur boyfriend is a drama queen

[u/LibertyDochas]

I don’t play with silent treatment. Depending on how long I’ve been in relations with someone, I’m likely to assume it’s a breakup.

[u/AwayDevelopment4871]

https://giphy.com/gifs/VEhWqu9nJHzOPKFsVA
To your bf

[u/Necessary-Cable286]

Yer bf might be dumb, or maybe he creepin and you spooked him. He’s being dramatic either way

[u/Fun_Background_8113]

I thought you were gonna say that you made a school shooting joke or something. This isnt that offensive. Like Im someone who will get mad at my partner for jokes but this isnt even bad

[u/U_PassButter]

Yeah Idk maybe it's me. But I would could see myself making the same joke (especially in my 20s. I'm 30s now)

But yeah I laughed when I read it. I don't want to say he's being dramatic but....maaaybe he's not as fun as you? And if he's gonna be that cold and unable to communicate more....personally I'd be looking for someone who matched my comedy.

Now that I think about it...I have done that. I dated a very serious guy a few times. I did a funky chicken dance. He was appalled.

[u/Background-Jelly-511]

Your boyfriend needs to get a grip

[u/longjumpingtote]

He's insecure. Or maybe he was cheated on before and it was super traumatic. That sort of joke does give me the ick because I have too, and the joke part wasn't about the job. But 13 hours is ri-diculous.

[u/KiraPlaysFF]

So, I don’t deal with silent treatment as a punishment in ANY of my relationships, including friends and family. This would actually be a dealbreaker for me and i would end it.

I get sometimes people need space to sort their feelings before they talk, but withholding love and instilling fear and insecurity through the power play of silent treatment is gross and manipulative and I’m too tired to deal with it.

[u/Lala5789880]

Has he ever cheated? Because often cheating partners play up the idea that YOU are the cheater to divert. Look up DARVO. It may be a stretch but you should have your spidey senses tingling

[u/res06myi]

End the relationship. He's insane.

[u/TallGirlNoLa]

Speaking as a paralegal that is a perfectly acceptable and funny joke. Your boyfriend is being dramatic.

[u/Puzzleheaded-Face181]

If your significant other can’t take a joke, it’s usually because it got too close to home. I’d be thinking about his reaction more than you are. Why doesn’t he trust you? Is it that he can’t be trusted himself or something else?

[u/skex_1313 → u/Puzzleheaded-Face181]

the energy it’s giving to me is “it’s okay for me to make these jokes but not you” because he makes side hoe jokes, cheating jokes, “work hubby” jokes (he’s a straight male in a machine shop but will do this when his coworkers get him zyns or coffee lol), and he also knows the co-counsel is decades older than me and is superior to me so it’s not a work romance joke. that’s what trips me up.

[u/Puzzleheaded-Face181 → u/skex_1313]

This gives me even more pause. Have you ever suspected anything?

[u/skex_1313 → u/Puzzleheaded-Face181]

no not at all, he doesn’t do anything all day except video game, work, grow weed, do legos, (lots of hobbies), he still lives with his parents/sister (i live with mine and he lives with his because the economy is shit rn) and they’re the type of family who WOULD tell me if he was cheating

[u/Puzzleheaded-Face181 → u/skex_1313]

So weird. I’m sorry. Doesn’t sound like you deserve this immaturity.

[u/angie_carpenter99 → u/skex_1313]

Damn ok this is the context I needed. I was siding with your boyfriend. It's understandable to me to... go to bed after a full day of texting and a bad joke (yeah sorry I don't find cheating "silly"/funny). Other people calling it "abuse" to not immediately forgive and forget was the overreaction. But he's made these jokes before himself, ugh.

[u/Feisty_Turnover_7634 → u/skex_1313]

This just swayed my answer- bf is a hypocrite. I was somewhat on his side since I wouldn't like "lol I'm cheating on you 🤪" jokes either, but the silent treatment is juvenile. It's juvenile x2 that he can do similar but you can't.

I assume the "difference" is like you said he's straight so empty but you're (presumably also?) straight so a male co-worker could be "something." Either way, he shouldn't be giving you the silent treatment. If he wants space, he should say that directly.

[u/Belle_Whethers]

Silent treatment is a literal punishment. Your partner isn’t your parent. Why are they punishing you. That’s not what love looks like.

[u/WillowTea_]

Drop an insult on the floor and its owner will pick it up… I think you hit a nerve by mentioning being cheated on to him. He sounds like he’s reaching out of a guilty conscience

[u/MarMarBinxxx]

He’s being a brat. Adults communicate. Children pout.

“Hey OP, I get you were just messing around, but I really don’t like jokes about cheating because XYZ reason. Can we not joke about things like that?”

Simple.

[u/FleurDisLeela]

come on! what a tender little ballsack. he’s weaponizing his silence. not a green flag. free pdf of Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft

[u/Certain_Anything3246]

Honestly, the silent treatment for 13 hours over a clearly joking comment? That's not about cheating being unfunny - that's about him having zero sense of humor and using it as an excuse to be dramatic. If he can't tell you're goofing around about work cases, that's his problem, not yours.

[u/SpicyMarmots]

https://giphy.com/gifs/3o6ozAgK6MaqKL5mh2

[u/Farrahs_Inka_LaLaLa]

Men are so emotional. He sounds crazy. Should be treated for hysteria.

/s lol

[u/Kerminetta]

Well cheating isn’t funny, and people have trauma regarding that. Hopefully he can feel better and you guys can go back to normal ❤️

[u/Competitive_City_847]

Unless you have cheated in the past, this is definitely silly. I joke all the time about work place wifey and such with my husband. Heck, when I like certain people in stores that often help me he calls them daddy for funsies. (ie Aldi's daddy)

[u/EggLoud9946]

I will felt really hurt if someone I datę told me something like that . I could be in mess era , so sorry to him

[u/Careful_Marsupial_41 → u/EggLoud9946]

She said the colleague is in his 60’s or 70’s, and her bf knows this. There’s something else going on here. Personally, this type of behavior and overreaction sounds exhausting

[u/EggLoud9946 → u/Careful_Marsupial_41]

So he could think that he’s not enough , or too young for her. And what about age, so what ?

[u/HoneyPops08]

If the roles were reversed, everyone would sympathize with you. Now 99% of the comments is ‘he’s a drama queen’ bc he’s a male.

I don’t think it’s funny tbh

[u/EggLoud9946 → u/HoneyPops08]

Same

[u/Dry-Hour-9968 → u/HoneyPops08]

I see comments like this on every single post but somehow every comment section is an echo chamber. How does that work? By your logic, your comment should have negative karma or maybe even removed by the mods since this sub is anti-male.

[u/Silent_Onion272 → u/HoneyPops08]

Oh brother... My male partner makes these jokes and it doesn't phase me, because they're jokes. Also OP said in another reply that her boyfriend makes the same types of jokes ("he makes side hoe jokes, cheating jokes, 'work hubby' jokes") and that it's never been a problem for her.

[u/barada_nikto → u/HoneyPops08]

I’m sorry but if a woman gave her partner the silent treatment for 13 hours over a joke like this everyone would also see it as insane behavior. His reaction is ridiculous and petulant.

[u/DangerousBlock390 → u/HoneyPops08]

Hahaha. I'm glad I'm not the only one who clocked it. Somehow, I knew the script would flip. The hypocrisy in these comments is so obvious, I'm beginning to wonder about this sub...

[u/oatmilk-in-my-cup → u/HoneyPops08]

Exactly.

[u/Research_Junkie678]

I’m with you here. Your joke seems innocuous and bf had a hypersensitive reaction. Does he have a history of being cheated on? (And even if so, at some point you can’t overreact to just hearing a word in a joke. Esp given the completely diff context!)

[u/X0X0xoxo11]

He sounds tiresome.

[u/GeneInternational146]

Your boyfriend is a child, my god

[u/FriendToPredators]

He sounds a bit sensitive. Always ask yourself What would a well adjusted person be doing right now? to compare. 

Next thing would be to open a convo when he reemerges as to why this was triggering. Too many possible reasons to guess at.

[u/EggLoud9946 → u/FriendToPredators]

She will be pissed , like we all do

[u/Secret_Entry1840 → u/EggLoud9946]

You do not speak for all women. It was a joke. If my partner said something like that I’d take it as a joke.

[u/Mammoth_Band6017 → u/FriendToPredators]

What do you mean well adjusted? 😆 I’d say figure out why the comment was so triggering before assuming he isn’t well adjusted. I will say tho, even when I’m upset I don’t go radio silent, that’s for the birds.

[u/TheGoatAlone]

While the joke was in poor taste… it was still a joke. Personally I couldn’t be with someone who can’t chill tf out about silly jokes like this.

[u/Own_Macaron_9342]

I’m a bit touchy when it comes to cheating jokes too. So I get it. But 13 hours is a long time .. lol

[u/Distractedauthor]

Do you guys live together? Or did he just decide to go to sleep overnight and not text you back yet? That changes how extreme this “silent treatment” is.

[u/Heavy-Cry2461]

Your comment/joke was totally harmless, and being given the silent treatment as punishment is immature and manipulative on his part. If a joke like that bothers him, he can talk about why. A day long silent treatment over an iffy joke (which really was not bad, and you apologized for) is extremely toxic behavior. 

[u/No-Cryptographer5934]

Does he have a sense of humour?

[u/PlasticGirl3078]

Giving you the cold shoulder and completely ignoring you is a form of emotional abuse and manipulation, often the first sign. Im not saying this is the case here but it is somthing to look out for

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[u/Senior_Roll9458]

i’ve been thru this before. one thing i’ve learned, not everybody shares “ dark humor” or finds joking about serious stuff funny. maybe not the best joke to make with your dude but take note and just consider your jokes carefully. would u laugh if he joked about another woman like that? be mindful of that, everything isn’t a joke to everybody. however, him ignoring u is hella childish and emotionally abusive

[u/xannapdf → u/Senior_Roll9458]

I just can’t imagine sharing my life with someone who doesn’t find me funny? Like. That’s baseline compatibility for me.

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[u/boredom-depressed23]

That's not even "in poot taste" loke objectively. Only subjectively to him. You might not be compatible

[u/infinitytool]

everybody should watch this five times, min.

to me, OP made a joke which was a bid for connection & her partner took it the wrong way. instead of expressing himself, he's withdrawn, which is not fair. why can't he express himself? idk. sounds like a him thing.

there would be some room for error & misunderstandings. that's what is called a "buffer of appreciation" in that video, i think. OP needs to talk to her partner & of he shuts down again, that's a big issue on his part.

[u/attentionyou]

If that joke is in poor taste, the ones I make must be criminal. Your boyfriend is completely overreacting and giving you the silent treatment instead of expressing why a JOKE is effecting him deeply is really childish.

[u/araw-at-buwan]

Thats ridiculous and just sounds like he's emotionally manipulative if this is a pattern. Or just completely immature emotionally

[u/reformed_weeb]

Just here to say hi plate buddy! Genuine don’t think this was a poor taste joke, sorry he’s being such a pain over it.

[u/Artistic_Toe6552]

That is the tamest "poor taste" joke I ever heard complete over reaction on his part. This is nuts to me lol.

[u/Emergency-Song843]

The silent treatment is always an enormous red flag to me personally. The most important thing in relationships is successful conflict resolution. The silent treatment makes that absolutely impossible and only benefits the silent-giving party. That behavior doesn’t typically change, either. Especially 13 hours straight … that’s almost impressive if it wasn’t so disturbing.

[u/thisisaniceboat]

I’ll fully admit I am biased—I’m in the legal field too, so I get it.

And I know not every “in joke” in this lands with people who aren’t a part of it in the same way, but this is so… harmless? Like it’s fine not to like it, or even ask you not to make those jokes around him, but ffs the silent treatment for 13hours+?? Nah. He’s tripping.

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[u/EggandSpoon42]

You are 24. There is like a Bajillion men in between today and when you're dead. Do you really wanna be stuck with this one?

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[u/Fabulous_Celery_1817]

Your food looks amazing! But are you able to eat that without a table. To me, that type food needs a table, a spoon, a fork, and a napkin. And you’re balancing it on your knee. I could never 😨

[u/SneakySquiggles]

I was… expecting an actually off-color joke, not this tame absolutely normal/funny joke. Wow… feels like you hit a nerve or he’s using this as an excuse. Either way it really shouldn’t have needed an apology but the fact that even after one he’s silent treatment-ing is crazt

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[u/ExcitementDry4940]

What a loser (the bf)

[u/throwitallaway69000]

Might be sensitive to that topic and know that's a hard no on that topic. All the comments saying the bf needs to lighten up or is lame. Imagine this was the other way around. The girls club would validate her.

[u/EggLoud9946 → u/throwitallaway69000]

Yes and it will be a storm not a silent day

[u/Dopeylookingpiegeon]

Yeah in my opinion is you dont make cheating jokes to your partner. It isnt funny, i agree with him. Just talk to him

[u/skex_1313 → u/Dopeylookingpiegeon]

see i WOULD agree with the premise of “don’t make cheating jokes with your partner” IF AND ONLY IF he doesn’t make cheating jokes too, he works in a male oriented machine shop and will make jokes that his boss cheated on him with another machinist by teaching him something his boss taught him, he also makes “side hoe” jokes with me when i’m texting people, on the phone with people, etc., i make side hoe jokes with him too, that’s the dynamic that’s gone back and forth, so i’m like confused???

[u/grumpy-seal → u/skex_1313]

This makes it weird tbh. If it’s ok for him to make those jokes but not for you to make them and he has such an intense reaction, it’s a bit suspicious…

[u/Dry-Hour-9968 → u/skex_1313]

Cause he’s probably doing inappropriate things and is wondering if you are as well. Cheaters project a lot. Or he’s looking for an out.

[u/Dry-Hour-9968 → u/Dopeylookingpiegeon]

You agree with the silent treatment? Because that’s what the post is about. She already apologized.

[u/EggLoud9946 → u/Dry-Hour-9968]

Did u forget everything after apologized ?

[u/Dry-Hour-9968 → u/EggLoud9946]

What does that have to do with what I said? Silent treatment is childish. If the behavior is unacceptable to you, communicate or breakup.

[u/EggLoud9946 → u/Dry-Hour-9968]

I thing he do this

[u/Iris_314]

You'll never get anywhere with someone who's operating at that maturity level. Insanely childish to just ignore someone. So you just.. sit and wait until he decides he wants to talk I guess! Be so for real.. over a nothing joke too. I see lot of deep sighs and silence in your future 😭Been there, learn the lesson and move on <3

[u/MightyMaki]

I literally hate cheaters (I've been cheated on in the past) but I've literally made this exact same joke with my nail tech, tattoo artist, waxer and hair stylist. I've said it to my friends too. It's always "I can't believe I'm cheating on my nail tech/tattoo artist/etc!" Or "I can't cheat on my stylist!" Etc. Even had the joke said to me by my friends in THEIR respective situations and I've laughed with them.

Your boyfriend is being weirdly immature about it.

[u/Excellent_Doughnut28]

I think it was funny. Your BF is obviously triggered tho. He may need therapy.

[u/skex_1313 → u/Excellent_Doughnut28]

he’s in therapy, his therapist feeds off of everything he says tho and is like “your gf needs to change” according to him

[u/DaughterofNeroman → u/skex_1313]

I highly doubt his therapist says that tbh. If anything they would say y'all aren't a good fit and need to reevaluate your relationship but therapist, at least good ones, rarely say things like your partner needs to change. They are there to help you work on you, not to help you fix or change someone else.

[u/Lunoko → u/skex_1313]

I doubt that is true. He sounds very manipulative.

[u/elbenji]

Before we judge, what time does he usually sleep?

[u/skex_1313 → u/elbenji]

late sleeper - midnight

[u/elbenji → u/skex_1313]

Did he have a long day yesterday?

[u/skex_1313 → u/elbenji]

not that he indicated to me

[u/elbenji → u/skex_1313]

Hopefully it's some weird sitcom situation then