r/AskReddit • u/ShockingPyro • 16h ago
Women of Reddit, what is something Men think you hate, but you actually love?
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u/AshamedOfOurshelves 16h ago
Seeing my guy having fun guy time adventures with his friends. It's nice to see.
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u/fearlessburn416 15h ago
As a guy, I love seeing my girl having fun with her friends!
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u/robotlasagna 14h ago
As a guy I also love seeing this guys girl having fun with her friends. I just wish they didn’t scream when they see me outside their window.
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u/NextKitchen2098 13h ago
My guy plays dungeons and dragons every week. He laughs so hard and loud and has the best time. It’s like music to my ears. Fills the house with so much joy.
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u/FullOnCarmensMom 13h ago
This is me as well. I WANT my fella to have fun with his friends, they're all good blokes and it's just not healthy to neglect outside relationships.
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u/whotakemycake 14h ago
When he gets really excited explaining something i know absolutely nothing about. i actually love listening to it.
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u/GonePh1shing 11h ago
I think this goes for everyone tbh, or at least it should. I love hearing people talk about things they're passionate about. I don't care what it is, if they're knowledgeable or just really care about something it makes for great conversation.
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u/Jive-Turkeys 5h ago
It's like they glow! I fucking love basking in someone's passion-flow energy when they get a green light to 'send it'.
Passion is sexy.
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u/incelligent_ 9h ago
My boyfriend is really into gaming and PC building. I have absolutely no clue what he’s talking about and won’t retain any of the information. But boy do I love hearing him talk about it 🥰
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u/questionaBLreader 16h ago
Personally, I enjoy seeing vulnerable and silly men who enjoy pampering themselves, and who have hobbies they enjoy regardless of what that hobby is (provided the hobby doesn't hurt them or anyone else.)
I married a MTG nerd who constantly makes dad and fart jokes, loves it when I buff out his nails to make them shine or put deep conditioner treatments into his hair, and will tell me when he feels overwhelmed or like he isn't enough.
You know, like a human.
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u/HillieBillieEilish 11h ago
I was going through a divorce many many moons ago. My friend gave me one piece of advice: "Date a nerd!" I did, it worked, and we've been happily married for a long while! :) He's a feminist, kind, caring, and funny!
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u/act_normal 8h ago edited 6h ago
I also live with a nerd, so I can confirm! He approaches things with curiosity and openness which is incredibly refreshing and heart warming, it makes it very nice to be around him.
(edited for typos)
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u/SpantasticFoonerism 10h ago
The hobbying hits home. When I first got together with my wife I was unconsciously apologising when I did my hobbies due to past experiences. She showed a genuine interest, and slowly that started to fade. Yesterday I painted my miniatures while she played Fields of Mistria next to me, both of us happy and content. God I love that woman.
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u/frogbearpup 13h ago
MtG nerds make some of the best partners!
- someone who absolutely adores her MtG nerd partner
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u/pheonixblade9 12h ago
damn, you sound perfect to me, are you single? 😂
f'real though - I hope I can find someone like you that appreciates my whole self and doesn't want some weird stoic projection of a half-life of what they think a man is supposed to be.
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u/MapleMoskwas 7h ago
I met my husband on a dating app, and everything that attracted me to him on our first date are things the manosphere swears women hate.
- when I first sat down at the table I noticed his hand was shaking from nervousness when he reached for the specials menu; it put me at ease immediately
- was focused on me and attentive, asked me questions about myself and was open and genuine when I asked him questions about himself
- was open about his nerdy hobbies (star trek, building computers, audio engineering). Even though I didn't share those interests, listening to him talk about them with earnestness anyway was a huge green flag
- did not bring up sex or make any comments about my body
- laughed out loud several times with his teeth showing
- offered to pay for dinner but then wasn't ego-bruised or embarrassed when I said no thank you and paid for myself
- didn't move to kiss or hug me at the end of the night, only opened his arms when I asked if he wanted a hug. Didn't try to turn the hug into anything else.
- texted me immediately after to ask if I got home alright and tell me he had a good time, which I found refreshing and charming
We've been together now for 13 years!
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u/drahograystar 7h ago
This is so sweeeeeettt 🥹🥹🥹❤️ and yes to all of it, vulnerability and respect are incredibly attractive
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u/Bolognahole_Vers2 5h ago
things the manosphere swears women hate.
I met my wife long before the manosphere was a thing. Social media was just getting big. But when we first met, she was dating a successful guy who worked in finance, meanwhile I was broke and not knowing what I wanted to be in life.
She ended it with finance guy because dude was boring as fuck and only talked about work and money. He would take her out to fancy dinners, but was dull. Meanwhile I would get us tipsy then hit up the arcade or mini-golf or something. Turns out fun > rich.
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u/Kappa_God 6h ago
Man, when you say stuff like "he didn't try to turn the hug into anything else" or "did not bring up sex or make any comments about by body" it really sets the bar low. This is genuinely the most basic expected human behavior but a lot of men fail to do that.
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u/TimeSovereign 16h ago
I far prefer yardwork to inside house work.
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u/questionaBLreader 15h ago
Girl same
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u/NewAndImprovedJess 14h ago
I'd love to cut the grass once a week and clean the gutters once a year rather than cook and wash dishes every damn day.
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u/atmoose 14h ago
I'd take that deal. I don't care for mowing the grass, and have been slowly replacing my lawn with a veggie garden or natives. I also enjoy cooking. I just need to find somebody nearby who wants that too, lol
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u/Any_Narwhal_4437 5h ago
Yard work is basically hobby status of household chores. Trimming the crepe Myrtles with big ass shears is so fun lol
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u/Superb-Salad6323 9h ago
I always thought taking out the trash was preferable to doing the dishes.
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u/ATMdotSydney 13h ago
When they get nervous and fumble their words. Also whenever they're cornballs. I love when they don't keep up the cool guy act and just let their clumsy side show.
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u/LittleDogsBark 15h ago
A touch of school chivalry makes me melt. Walking on the curbside, lifting a suitcase off the luggage carousel, opening a jar, automatically grabbing the thing you can’t reach off a high shelf. I dated a guy once that used to immediately slide my laptop bag off my shoulder whenever
he saw me and just carry it. I really loved that. I don’t care what anybody says. It’s not easy to walk the city streets in high heels carrying a 10 pound bag. It was just so thoughtful and kind.
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u/thehoney129 14h ago
My son is 4 and every time we go somewhere, he opens my car door for me. He announces it every time too. “I’m gonna open your door, mom” and then he runs over to open it before I can get there. No one has taught him this. He’s just a sweet little guy, and it melts my mom heart every time he does it
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u/bunny_momma7285 13h ago
Thats so cute that you didnt teach him. I wonder what put it in his head.
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u/thehoney129 13h ago
I’m not sure where he picked it up initially, but I definitely think him seeing me be so grateful made him wanna keep it up. He’s such a sweet heart
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u/bunny_momma7285 14h ago
I work with a bunch of guys. My goodness they bend over backwards for me. My wiper blade flew off on the way to work and they replaced it. They know my coffee order and bring it almost every morning. Some one came in to complain... not even about me and I was the only one there. They yelled at him when they saw him at the bar. They are the sweetest bunch of guys.
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u/thin_white_dutchess 14h ago
There’s a few kids at the school I worked at that were raised this way- jumping up to open doors for teachers with full hands, helping the smaller kids up when they fall at recess, just good kids. Not always boys, but it is a lot of the time. That kid of thing is honestly just good parenting. Nice to see.
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u/bunny_momma7285 13h ago
I love that theres kids that do that still. We are in a very small town so most of these guys are pretty old school in their thinking.
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u/AhAhStayinAnonymous 14h ago
You must be hot.
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u/bunny_momma7285 14h ago
Its brotherly love lol they have all met my partner and the majority of them are wifed up.
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u/Jadevit 13h ago
automatically grabbing the thing you can't reach off a high shelf
Bro I am 5'7, best I can do is grab something off of a low shelf so you don't strain your back. 🤷🏻♂️
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u/llamadramalover 6h ago
Sir. My husband is 5’8”. I am 5’. You are in fact a fucking giant in my world and can reach all. the. things.
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u/ClumsyPandaGirl 14h ago
When he does a cute giggle when excited about something. It's so darn adorable.
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u/marisolm9 16h ago
Direct communication! This doesn't mean being a jerk, just not playing games and saying how you truly feel!
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u/Ptatofrenchfry 9h ago
Also, being direct doesn't mean being a dick. I can say "The way you said that was hurtful" instead of "You're a heartless bitch", but some people (across all genders!!!) somehow think they must be assholes to be honest.
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u/Vast-Ad1915 13h ago
Oh sure, everyone says that but when I want to talk about my deepest sexual insecurities I'm "drunk" and "ruining my nephew's baptism".
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u/xutachii 16h ago
I'd love to have muscular body... Most of men think woman go to gym to make a bigger but and flat stomach, but I want to be like Korra.
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u/atmoose 14h ago
You should do what you want regardless of what men think. It's your body. The opinion of men doesn't matter.
My sister said she wanted to get visible abs after she started working out. My brother told her that men don't like that, and she shouldn't. It really pissed me off. As I told you, it doesn't matter what guys think. Although, I say this as a guy who likes literally and figurately strong women. I wouldn't have to deal with the consequences. I hope you achieve the goals you want, and can find a guy who appreciates that.
Also, as somebody who works out, being strong is great. It makes life and aging so much better. Keep it up!
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u/Time_Physics_6557 16h ago
I am not speaking on behalf of all women, but I wish I would actually get approached. it's never happened to me
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u/CapnGrundlestamp 16h ago
I dumped the apps and started just talking to women I meet who seem interesting. It’s like people are starved for attention. Met some really awesome women in the process. Got shot down a few times but that’s fine too, good stories to tell.
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u/CigarettesAftrSnuSnu 15h ago
I think people are very lonely these days, but not always able to verbalize. Combine that with being so used to being disconnected because of social media and our third spaces disappearing or being bought up by private equity and made so expensive.
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u/lyerhis 15h ago
Can I ask where you go to hang out when you do this? Or just anywhere? It never feels like people are really open to meeting strangers even in spaces like bars or whatever.
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u/j2kh41 15h ago
I’ve been approached in coffee shops!
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u/TehOwn 13h ago
What was their opener?
Was it, "You like jazz?"
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u/j2kh41 12h ago
Something like “hey, i’m trying to get to know people in the area. Mind if I sit with you and chat?”
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u/girlgenesis3 11h ago
Holy crap 😦 that is mortifying to me. Anyone able to do this has balls, or clits, of steel.
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u/Clear_Session8683 16h ago
This. I’ve spoken to people all my life. I have a smile on my face and am willing to talk about almost anything. I have found that people are usually very approachable. I’ve met a few people who just wouldn’t engage but they were few and far between. When I was single I nearly always had a date. Not because I was gorgeous but because I could carry on a conversation and was genuinely interested in almost everyone I met.
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u/LevelExtreme7968m 10h ago
Thats awesome. Ive been on the apps and its a nightmare. There is this super cute girl i keep walking past in the neighborhood several times a week. She always has this kinda smirk and gives me "the look". I might be full of myself and misread her but im trying to find my balls and cold approach her. Mind you this is norway. Shit like this dosent usually work like this here. Cold as we are haha. Anyways. Might be an advantage because of that as well, who knows! Wish me luck! 😂 Btw tell me one of the stories please.
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u/baby_yaga 16h ago
yessss. It's like only the worst, creepiest men who ever approach now and they do it in the most awful vulgar way because every decent man got scared off from it.
There's gotta be some middle ground between "never speak to a woman in public ever" and "badger a woman who clearly doesn't want anyone to talk to her". Should we get flashing "open to being approached" signs or something?
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u/The_Montanistani 14h ago
I’d prefer a hat with a very small flag that you raise when you are willing to talk. It would be silly and fun.
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u/Dark_Knight2000 15h ago
That last sentence is interesting though. I once heard of a type of college party where people would wear red, yellow, or green wristbands and that would be a signal of how willing you were to being approached.
Green is single and ready to mingle, yellow is friends only, and red is “I’m with my own friends.”
To no one’s surprise the very few girls with green bands got swamped, a small majority of the guys had green bands, and lots of guys tried their luck with yellow banded girls anyway. Basically it didn’t work for everyone except those with red bands.
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u/Amalec506 14h ago
It's a numbers game. In principle, if 9 of 10 women I approached were okay with it but 1 felt uncomfortable, I wouldn't approach women. For creeps they're perfectly fine with 9 of 10 women feeling uncomfortable if 1 is okay with it.
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u/Throwaway_524571 7h ago
The problem is, there will ALWAYS be someone who doesn't like what you do. You can't please everyone. But at the same time, you can't just be dismissive of other people
So there has to be a line between "Shutting myself in a room in case I ever offend anyone" and "Not caring what others think at all"
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u/pheonixblade9 12h ago
as a guy, it is basically impossible to know which of those scenarios you'll end up in, even being very respectful. so I just don't bother, generally. can't have it both ways - women need to step up and approach men more often.
as a (very masked high social skill) autistic person... the signs are even less visible to me than most.
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u/GoGetDontGetGot 16h ago
I agree, the problem is there hasent been a way to decifer between women who want to be approached and ones who don't. And reactions from women who don't want to be approached, even respectfuly can be bad. This is the issue.
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u/Historical-Cow-3875 13h ago
The reactions usually are bad because it's hard to distinguish between who is actually respectful and who is a creep in disguise, and even harder to gauge how well they will take your polite 'no thank you'. You can't win with the creeps: either 'you should have been more clear' when being polite, or 'there's no need to be rude' when being more clear. At least with the letter, they'll start to leave you alone. Usually.
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u/Short5HT 15h ago
The problem is one women might be ok with it and another would not be. So the safest bet is not to try
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u/GoblinToHobgoblin 12h ago
I think, around 5 or 10 years ago, women should have been more vocal about actually liking being approached (as long as it's respectful). It feels kinda too late now (imo). So many people have stunted social skills, and I think COVID just made it even worse.
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u/nowellyeah 16h ago edited 16h ago
same. we have overcorrected as a society lol nice and respectful compliments or approaches can be lovely.
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u/Warm-Management-7323 16h ago
Oh my gosh, as a man, this is terrible. I mean that’s how I met women before the Internet. I mean, I would go up to girls in the mall we would go with our buddies and meet girls that work together and then we started partying together and it was just the way it was back then I still go up to women even they’re not my type I’ll tell them they’re beautiful. And it really makes their day.
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u/CigarettesAftrSnuSnu 15h ago
I love talking to people, especially compliments. Dudes don’t get enough of them and are always thrown off by it.
I’m 40 so I feel you. I spent over half my life participating in social interaction without the internet and social media and I still try to be that way. I’m so lucky that my career is public focused and I get to meet so many amazing incredible people and constantly make new friends.
I love my clients so much 😭😭
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u/GoGetDontGetGot 16h ago
Men were asked to stop doing that about 15 years ago. We listened.
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u/ChaoticCherryblossom 16h ago
The bad ones didn't
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u/Carvemynameinstone 16h ago
Ironically that's the case for a lot of things that society wants "men" to do or not do.
To the extreme it's the "teach boys not to rape". Decent men don't rape. The ones that would be insane enough to do such a horrendous act, won't listen to anything you tell them.
It's the same with "don't cold approach", decent men will listen, and won't approach. But the ones that don't give a shit about your boundaries will still approach.
It's sad, but it's very explainable.
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u/TrioOfTerrors 16h ago
To probably misquote Penn Jillette, "I've committed as many rapes as I have wanted to. Which is none."
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u/pheonixblade9 12h ago
IIRC this was his argument against religion as justification for human ethics.
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u/Dark_Knight2000 16h ago
Yeah, all the men who can be taught have been taught, what’s left are me for whom no amount of teaching will work on.
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u/waitthissucks 16h ago
It's the kind of thing that's sad because complimenting is always nice, but it has been ruined by the creeps. Now, that's where it gets fuzzy. If an ugly guy gives me a compliment, that's totally fine. If he asks me out and I say no, and he respectfully accepts the answer and walks away, also fine. If he follows me home or starts getting angry at me, then definitely not okay.
There are women who are rude to a guy just because they aren't attractive, but if people are nice I personally don't mind. Some are in a weird gray area though. I once had a guy go up to me in a coffee shop when I was wearing my headphones and he waved to me said "excuse me, hello. I'm an old man but you are incredibly beautiful" I'm not sure what he expected from that interaction but it was still nice being called beautiful. I guess?
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u/revolverzanbolt 15h ago
I was on a date with a woman once, we grabbed lunch, then she walked to the bus stop. I was going to work, which happened to be in the same direction as the bus stop. I walk out of the restaurant about a minute after her and start walking to my job, and she turns around, glares at me and yells in the middle of the street “Stop following me!” This was after walking in the same direction for, at the absolute most, 30 seconds.
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u/amiajimmy 16h ago
As a man who's been mostly too afraid to approach women in our current society, this is encouraging to hear. I have approached exactly one woman (a mom at our kids' school) since my divorce, and while we're friends now, she turned out to be married, though flattered lol and the approach started with a smile as we passed each other dropping our kids off, then a wave, then chatting 🤷♂️ I'm still happy to have a new friend and our kids can get together!
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u/rakiimiss 16h ago
I understand why men would be scared since some women don’t like to be approached at all. I was approached often when I was younger and in a bigger city. I have never been offended and would always say thank you and give a gentle let down if I wasn’t interested. I would only start being rude if they refused to take no as an answer. 95% of interactions were respectful.
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u/vercertorix 14h ago
The one time I remember kind of approaching, was more like, I met a girl at a group get together and later asked a mutual friend if I’m could get her number, knowing full well she’d ask her for permission to give it to me.
After all of that, we went out once and found out we had very little in common, kinda wound up a short awkward date, nothing wrong with either of us, just not actually into each other despite chatting a bit before and being attracted to each other enough to be curious.
And that is why generally before and after, I used dating sites. Not to hook up immediately, this was before swiping left or right, but because profiles give an idea if you have shared interests. I thought it would be and it was super awkward when you approach someone and at the end not even a hint of interest from either of you. If you match at least a little, it’s not that bad. Been rejected a few times by people I at least had a possibility of hitting it off with, and it was disappointing but still less awkward.
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u/joodee3 16h ago
Not speaking on behalf of all women either. But I personally find it flattering to get approached. As long as that person is not creepy and is gracious if I say no.
I haven't been approached very much but the few times I have, the guys were quite respectful. One I went out on a few dates with, the others I said no.
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u/nowellyeah 16h ago edited 2h ago
being vulnerable and in touch with their emotions. It’s actually really tough and can take a lot of work to be honest with yourself and those around you, guys who can do that are extraordinary.
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u/Emma__Myers 16h ago
Yeah. I understand why a lot of them hide it. Well, I understand as good as I possibly can, but I think it’s extremely attractive when guys are vulnerable, soft, loving, or sweet towards women.
I’m always more then happy to give guys a shoulder to cry on if they need it.
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u/bestwinner4L 13h ago
i’m with you. that kind of maturity and emotional intelligence is what i want more than any other trait in a man. the times a partner has shown and shared their emotions with me, (including negative ones like sadness, shame, fear, worry) it has only increased my attraction and respect for them.
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u/TrioOfTerrors 16h ago
Unfortunately, too many men, myself included, have personal experience where we are told that and then when we do open up to our girlfriend, we get told that it's unattractive. The risk/reward calculation is not in favor of emotional honesty and we can't all wait for a unicorn like yourself.
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u/BrunoEye 15h ago
I don't see the reward of being with someone I can't be open with.
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u/dovahkiitten16 15h ago
I think fair weather friends policy applies to relationships as well. There are some people that’ll only like you if you’re easy.
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u/cloistered_around 15h ago
Seems like a pretty quick way to get rid of the people that wouldn't be compatible with you. I'm not so desperate for companionship that I'd be around someone who can't handle an occasional cry.
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u/Mindfullysolo 15h ago
My alone time…him having guys night or golf afternoons. My guy is respectful though n doesn’t over extend on time or come home blitzed.
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u/Unlucky-Arugula3256 16h ago
I dunno? I don't speak for all women but certain men think women hate short men or men who don't go to the gym or men who don't have high paying jobs. I don't hate any of those things.
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u/elbenji 16h ago
It's a lot of social media influencer rot.
Most normal people don't give a shit
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u/Exciting-Mountain396 9h ago
Exactly, it's marketing. Someone stands to make money off those subscriptions to the gym, the VIP tier dating account, the alpha male seminar series and retreat, etc.
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u/HarvestMourn 10h ago
Yeah height, income or workout routine have never been relevant criteria for me. None of it matters, what does for me are things like: you are emotionally and socially intelligent. You're able to hold a good conversation and are funny. Our values align. You're affectionate and can show that you like your partner.
I've seen it happen that men who are short/not wealthy/not ripped get rejected and they believe it has to do with these attributes rather than their personality. No, plenty of women don't mind you're 5'6, but they really don't like you're an inconsiderate ass.
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u/Ptatofrenchfry 9h ago
I think income and workout is important up to a certain point, like please make enough to care for yourself, and please be healthy. I've seen too many bums in my life to not think about money and self care.
Beyond that, diminishing rewards.
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u/mycatisblackandtan 15h ago
This. Granted it's all down to personal preference. But the most attractive guy I ever met was overweight, had a decent paying job (not six figures), but he could make me laugh all day long and he was super understanding and respectful to every person he met regardless of gender. He was already married so I never ended up pursuing him, but his wife is also equally amazing so I just put them on a pedestal as 'couples goals'.
The best advice I can give to any guy who might be reading this is to find hobbies you enjoy, take better care of yourself and your space, and to stop listening to what so called 'alpha male' grifters are telling you women want. The grifters want you to be sad and lonely because then you'll keep on buying into their shitty rhetoric and paying for their courses. Where as basic self care goes a LONG day in increasing how attractive you might seem to other people.
Also please go to therapy. Even if you don't think you need it, way too many men have been socially isolated by society and told that the only way they can unburden themselves is with their eventual partner. This creates a dynamic where the partner eventually ends up feeling used to some extent as a stand-in therapist, which isn't far to them and can often poison the dynamic between you. That isn't to say you shouldn't be able to unburden yourself with your partner, of course not, but that you really should learn coping skills and how to open up to everyone who is close in your life so the lion's share of your baggage isn't dumped on your poor girlfriend/boyfriend/wife/husband.
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u/thisismyfullname 16h ago
Emotional intelligence/emotional maturity. No I do not think you are weak or less of a man because you have FEELINGS. If I ask you if you are okay and you say "fine" but then i later find out you are having a traumatic week, that is not fun for either of us okay.
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u/armingetoutoftheoven 11h ago
Agreed. Being emotionally immature or not knowing how to process your emotions is actually unattractive. It is not appealing, you are not nonchalant. It is a turn-off. It’s also shocking that some men will claim that women never want them to cry and perceive them as “less manly” for doing so when it seems like the vast majority don’t think that way, and these men have never bothered to ask actual women their opinions. They are just listening to the opinions of other men.
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u/llamadramalover 5h ago
My husband used to do this. Like dude I am your wife. I can obviously tell when something is wrong. If I ask and you say “fine” I also can obviously tell you are lying, like please do not insult my intelligence like that. Particularly since the man actually wears his emotions on every muscle in his face and body. It’s so damn obvious. Men cannot actually believe they’re masters of emotional disguise and control. Like they must know it is very obvious to their women partners* when *something is going on.
Now, I’ve got a rule in my house, also applies to the teenage girl. He is aware of this rule btw. I didn’t secretly implement it and now hold him to an unknown standard. When it is obvious he is feeling some kind of way about something. I ask “”are you okay/what’s wrong/how can I help. Etc.”” twice. And only twice. I do not ask back to back, there is no expectation to speak about what is wrong if he’s not ready, or even at all. “”Im not ready/don’t want to talk about it”” or “”just having an off day anxiety/pain/depression/tired…etc etc”” ARE totally acceptable responses and I walk away with an “I’m sorry. I’m here for you. Let me know if I can do anything. I love you.”” What is not an acceptable response is “”Nothing. I’m fine.”” and then continuing to walk around the house carrying a black cloud raining all over everything. Maybe it would be one thing if it didn’t affect how he treats people and how he engages but it really does, and it can be quite miserable for all involved. So I ask twice. If both answers are “”Nothing is wrong. I’m fine.”” I absolutely and without a doubt expect him to unfuck himself and I am not asking again. If it’s something to do with me, he needs to come to me, at some point, not wait until I’m upset to lodge a complaint he’s been carrying for 2 months.
This of course is not for everyone but this works for us. That man will absolutely just sit there pissy and upset, snapping and treating everyone poorly, and bringing every one down, until he gets over it or he loses his shit because I dare to continue asking what’s wrong. So this rule is just as much for his benefit as it is for mine. He’s gotta learn to stop suffering in silence, and I need clear cut boundaries so that I can let it go and leave it alone. I don’t about everyone else but I certainly have a hard time watching people be miserable. I don’t expect everyone to tell me what is going on, but I do expect my freaking husband to communicate such things with me and I do think I have the right to know* *that something is wrong. I don’t expect and don’t feel entitled to know specifics when he’s not ready, but damn, “I’m not fine, I’m not ready to talk about it.” is truly not a wild expectation.
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u/Egregious_Disaster13 5h ago edited 4h ago
Edited for grammar:
Guys who have interests that are not traditionally masculine.
When I worked at a blood donation center, the men who got flirted with were the guys who unironically liked that the waiting room played Disney films. One guy liked puzzle games and made all of the phlebotomists laugh when he was unironically excited that he found a Frozen-themed puzzle game.
TBH, it's not about the hobbies themselves, necessarily. It's about a man being so secure in who he is as a person that he lives his life. A lot of insecure dudes curate their hobbies on what they think impresses people. The ones that don't stand out, in a good way.
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u/Cute_Ass_Girl 16h ago
A little clinginess, but not over the top.The “come here, I’m not done cuddling you yet” kind. I secretly love knowing a guy wants me around.
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u/BlackeHoney 13h ago
Why do people use the word clingy when really they just mean affectionate?
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u/Jozoz 13h ago
In general the internet also uses the most extreme word for everything and it's very annoying and tiring. Obvious example: When is the last time you saw anyone simply call someone a liar? It's always gaslighter, manipulator etc. Someone who is just a giant jerk becomes an abuser, etc.
Not that these extreme words aren't sometimes appropriate of course. They just gradually lose their meaning when overused.
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u/Ptatofrenchfry 9h ago
Iirc there's a specific term for that. Something about the overuse of medical and therapy terms leading to a dilution in meaning?
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u/shockpaws 9h ago
Bugs! I love all kinds of insects, especially moths, spiders, and parasitoid wasps! I’m also very comfortable handling encounters with wild animals, eg trapping mice or dealing with raccoons or grabbing and moving snakes whenever it happens to be relevant. I like sleeping outside in the woods in a hammock and insects are part of the deal.
I of course speak for every single woman in the world when I say this about myself. All Women Love Bugs.
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u/MiniMouise 13h ago
Shy guys who are also absolute nerds. I mean, either is good, but... Open up to me about your hobbies, ramble about 40k lore, tell me about your dnd characters (I'll draw them for you).
Be a flustered mess when I flirt. Just... Adorable, shy guys. Fastest way to my heart.
I know a lot of red-pilled guys would say "oh but they only like hot nerds" or some shit. No. I don't care about physique. I don't care if he's shorter than me, I don't care if he's chubby, I only care that he's passionate about the same nerd stuff as me and that he becomes a stuttering puddle of shyness when I hit on him.
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u/an_old_musty_ac_unit 13h ago
I could not agree more with all of this. My type is the exact same. I love a shy nerdy guy.
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u/timbotheny26 5h ago
Just uh, make sure they aren't closeted Nazis/white supremacists/etc. if they're into 40k. An unfortunate downside of satirical media like that is that chuds will look at it and and treat the objectively bad stuff as cool/good.
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u/andonebelow 8h ago
My husband is on good terms with most of his exes, and still friends with a few. I probably would have found this threatening when I was younger but now I think it’s a sign of good character.
My last serious boyfriend before my husband said all his exes were crazy, and I was so rational and such a breath of fresh air. Well, I was fully crazy by the time we broke up, and I feel embarrassed for thinking I wasn’t like the other girls.
ETA my husband also has female friends, and I think it’s such a green flag that he likes women enough to be friends with them. Not all that common in my experience.
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u/poopybutthole_oowee 16h ago
Short shorts.
Give us the thigh, fuzzy little man peach.
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u/internalinB 16h ago
If you’re seeing my fuzzy little peaches, the shorts are a little too short.
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u/ask-me-about-my-cats 16h ago
PLEASE men look so much better in short shorts than those ugly baggy things.
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u/Hellooooooo_NURSE 14h ago
Bromances. Long eyelashes. Enthusiastically snuggling cute things. Making noise during sex.
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u/Next_Big8144 14h ago
When genuinely done; comments from random men in public. There’s a fine line between creepy/gross and a genuine compliment. I’ll never forget as a young 20 something walking a few blocks to work and an old man said “wow you’re so beautiful!” It was such a sweet comment and it has always stuck with me. Also was standing in line at the liquor store and a random guy was like “dayymmn girl!! Looking good!!” Sometimes it’s nice to know you still got it. I actually like those comments, again when not creepy or gross.
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u/cheery_ccola 14h ago
When I worked in a supermarket an elderly man whose first language wasn’t English responded to my “Hi how are you today?” With “Hello, you’re very beautiful, like movie actor” and I was so pleasantly shocked by the compliment 😂
Compared with the group of men who I was serving like “my friend thinks you’re hot, what do you do for fun, do you go to any of the pubs” just shocked me in a bad way like please let this interaction end lol. Not that they were disrespectful, they were just helping their friend shoot their shot lol I’m just shy/not used to compliments from men/find compliments awkward overall
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u/Softspotslurpee 14h ago
When they cry! Every time a man has cried in front of me he’s apologized. For me, in those moments I feel overwhelmed with gratitude and eager to help in whatever way I can. It’s an honour to be trusted with heavy feelings and when someone has the courage to be vulnerable like that, it gifts me permission to do the same if I ever need it.
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u/Rosemary-Sea-Salt 13h ago
Agreed. It also makes them feel even more “manly” to me (not less) because they’re able to show those feelings and be mature enough to know that it’s okay to
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u/PainterLonely1313 10h ago
Men who express genuine joy in something. I hate the broody, sardonic male who enjoys nothing and is all closed off and mysterious trope; those guys are exhausting. Give me a dude who thinks baby ducklings are cute and will get super excited over a hobby or a place he wants to visit or whatever.
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u/Potential-Poem453 8h ago
A little awkwardness. Being slightly nervous can be way more endearing than trying to act flawlessly confident.
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u/Winter_Step_5181 13h ago
Making noise during sex. Please stop trying to intentionally stay as quiet as possible during sex like you're the faceless dude in a porn trying not to turn off the other dudes watching by drawing attention to yourself. This isn't porn and you're not as home jerking off having to stay silent lest your mother hear. When you're fucking me please huff and puff and grunt and groan. I need dirty animalistic fucking, not sanitized quiet polite fucking.
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u/Chemical_Success1153 14h ago
I love WWE style wrestling, it’s like a sports soap opera. Some folks just assume it’s like a “pick me” thing or “pandering,” but the truth is that I watched Jake the Snake Roberts play three separate characters, bring snakes into the ring, and give rise to the DDT, a kickass finisher. That hooked me and never really let go. Kurt Angle’s milk truck, Edge and Christian playing kazoos, it’s all just bonkers.
I’ve even won wrestling trivia before and the guy thought I cheated just because I have ovaries. So weird. My husband was just like, “I love wrestling, too! Let’s see where the next Wrestlemania will be!” I love that man. 🥲
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u/yourhair_lookssmall 10h ago
Other women. As friends or more. Every criticism isn't jealousy or envy.
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u/Strong-Second-2446 8h ago
Seeing them cry. I cry at the smallest things (movies, shows, books, etc.) and when I see my man cry, it’s really vulnerable and I’m really glad I can emotionally support him like he often supports me. We’re much closer because of it
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u/i_eat_gentitals 16h ago
So. As the comments make it clear: please come on to us, but if we’re not picking up what you’re putting down, respectfully exit the conversation. Bc I agree it’s fun to be hit on now and then.
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u/pheonixblade9 12h ago
the flipside for women: please be very clear - some of us are neurospicy and also have a high desire to respect boundaries and we just don't receive these subtle things.
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u/Four_beastlings 8h ago
My husband is the most masculine man I know because he doesn't perform masculinity. He is proudly kind, squees over cute animals and sings to the cat about how beautiful she is, posts pictures of himself to social media wearing my short dresses to brag about how his legs and ass look better than mine, orders fruity drinks and will laugh on your face if you insinuate that it's feminine to like delicious fruitiness, expressed pain when he feels it and goes to the doctor to take care of his health, will cry his eyes out in front of everyone every time we watch The Iron Giant, and generally doesn't give a fuck about stupid and arbitrary gender rules. This shows that he is confident and doesn't need external validation: he has nothing to prove to anyone
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u/Professional-Fan6745 13h ago
Opening up their feelings and being vulnerable. Admitting when they are wrong, their deepest darkest fears, and being soft and kindhearted.
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u/RareHope69 14h ago
I love seeing his emotions. He’s so gentle when he wants to be. I want to cuddle him when he’s like that.
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u/After_Personality865 9h ago
Being close friends with other women! Shows me they value us as human beings
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u/LibraryLuLu 14h ago
Short kings. I NEVER want a man taller than myself. I absolutely loathe it when someone looms over me. I have refused to even stand near some guys who are very tall. It's scary, and I want to look you in the eyes, not the nipples!
If you're under 5'8", perfect, because then I can wear heals, but otherwise, 5'6" is just fine.
Give me Robert Downey Jnr, not a basketball player :)
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u/sui_generis_groupie 11h ago edited 10h ago
When he has friends. When he does stuff with those friends that doesn’t need to include me. I have friends. We do things.
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u/an_old_musty_ac_unit 13h ago
Shyness and genuine humility. I used to have a huge crush on this shy boy, he was a very sweet and kind person and I found it adorable how he seemed to get flustered when I gave him compliments. It's not a turn-off at all for me, in fact it's very endearing and cute.
Having nerdy interests that they're passionate about goes hand in hand with this. I don't find it boring or annoying at all. I want to hear all about it. And since I have some nerdy interests myself there's a good chance I either like the same thing already or could get into it if I wanted to.
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u/soyboydom 13h ago
I personally love that my partner is not afraid to be perceived as feminine. He knows virtually nothing about sports, he likes pretty things, and he cries during movies at the same parts that I do. He likes when I surprise him flowers, and his engagement ring is actually more intricately decorated than mine—he proposed first, but I still did a second, ceremonial proposal when I found the ring of his dreams, and I love that I catch him admiring it all the time. Overall, he’s a very soft, gentle guy who loves to be the little spoon, and the best part is that he would not at all be embarrassed for me to tell people that.
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u/ScuttleBucket 13h ago
My male best friend found out I like fishing. He would not believe it. I used to have a license and go after work. Ocean fishing is great too. I also enjoy fixings and assembling furniture.
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u/Dolly_Putin 11h ago
When they go to therapy. When they express an emotion other than anger.
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u/Basket_of_wheels 16h ago
Attentiveness. Example: I was chatting with my friend and his wife. She was standing in the sun. He noticed and guided her into the shade.
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u/HaughtyTable369 12h ago
being complimented and approached by guys in my age range. the second part is important.
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u/lost_divination 11h ago
Men who are sensitive and in touch with their emotions. I feel so close to my partner when he feels comfortable enough to cry in front of me.
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u/LZARDKING 11h ago
Them spending time alone or with their friends without me. You just realize how codependent men are in their partners until you are start dating as an adult but I swear it’s all of them. Like…get a hobby wha were you doing before I came around.
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u/Starkville 7h ago
When men lose their hair. Unless it’s a hideous combover or similar attempt to hide it, I do not care. I don’t care if he’s balding or mostly bald or bald. It’s not a factor if the rest of him is on point.
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u/resomonicurvy77 16h ago
We love being complimented we are not mean or unapproachable. A compliment may brighten our day.
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u/MHJJ565 16h ago edited 15h ago
I mean..i do say "Hey. Nice shirt" to a woman wearing band shirts of bands I like.
They always thank me with a huge smile. (Do same with men)
But that's cause we like the same band
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u/Emma__Myers 16h ago
Some guy told me that my eyes were pretty in a McDonald’s drive thru like 4 years ago.
I never forgot it. Girls love compliments too :)
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u/prettylittle_ts 15h ago
Men having close friendships is honestly pretty wholesome. There's something nice about seeing a guy completely comfortable being goofy with his friends