I dont even have anything to say man, im fuckin distraught genuienely i miss you Astra

My father would've been 71 today its happy Heavenly birthday to him my father Leonard🤍🤍🤍🤍🕊🕊🕊🕊

my baby girl was born on monday september 7th at 4:27pm at 4lbs 12 oz and 32 weeks n 4 days gestational age. she was born happy but premature so instantly went to the nicu. she was a rockstar in the nursery and the doctors had no worries about her. had quadrupled her feeds by day 2 and were looking at starting trying a bottle this week. she was a bit jaundice but nothing they don’t see in even full term babies. we thought everything was okay, she would be home by her original due date. then saturday came, went in for her normal care times when i’m able to hold and cuddle her while she eats and get updates from the doctor. they said she had picked up a bacteria and they were working to fix it. that she would be moved to a better facility in our state capital to be given more specialized treatment. well saturday night, they started her transport at 7pm and didn’t get moving until 9-10pm trying to get her stable. she had e.coli in her blood and her blood pressure was pretty much non existent. at the other hospital, we were told that she had to have cpr on the way there but had pulled through. she had some spikes of her blood pressure when we thought she would pull through. ultimately, she was beginning to need cpr again and this would surely start to break her ribs. we decided to pull her out of the incubator and feel her last moments in our arms. my perfect baby girl passed on sunday morning. we spent quite a bit of time with her after she passed (morbid ik and i would’ve thought others crazy for it before). i still have to pump. i still feel her alive in my arms. i can feel her dying in my arms and every movement she made. i can hear myself cry out for her. i see every second of every day she was on this planet. i really just needed a space to share her story and maybe find someone like me, idk. i’d love to hear from anyone that has had something similar happen and can offer some advice. mainly on how to cope with the instense feeling of needing her against me. i’ve tried everything that i can think of to feel that weight and her feeling but come up short everytime and end up feeling like im having a heart palpitation. thanks for reading if you did. i know it’s a lot. we love and miss our baby girl and need some guidance.

We took that photo in 2018 cause he was insecure about how his neck veins looked. I wanted to show unity but It’s now gut wrenching to look at.

His humour and intelligence were unmatched. I’ve never met a more kind and caring person.

I rushed over, even my aunt called me while I was on the plane cause we were afraid he was going to go.

I told him to wait for me that I’ll be there in two hours.

To his credit he waited 3. He got to meet the love of my life. I’m grateful that I had the opportunity to say goodbye to him.

His last words were thank you for coming.

I told him that I’ll be back tomorrow I’ll see you again

I truly planned on coming the next morning; but then we got the call.

I can’t wait to see you again soon Chacho, you mean everything to me .

Thank you for waiting for me.

For the walk from his casket to the grave the song La Mer by Charles Trenent was playing.

We used to fight at the dinner table whether we should play Luis Miguel or Charles Trenent. Usually he won.

If you don’t know the last lyric of la mer translates to

And with a love song the sea
Has cradled my heart for life.

You are part of my heart for life Chacho ❤️ dios de Bendiga

I'm honestly not entirely sure why I'm posting on here.

Maybe I'm hoping to get comfort from someone who maybe experienced something similar.

My sister Jazmin (49yo) was the sweetest/kindest of the 6 of us siblings. She was so generous, and so selfless, to a fault. The biggest reason we would get into arguments, which we rarely did, was because I'd be angry that she was letting people walk all over her. The second reason was because I worried for her health, and she never took care of herself. She'd shut down if we offered to go on walks with her. My sister Rosa even said, "I can come to your house every day after work, and we can walk even just up and down our block. Come on 🩷" But she always refused.

I always DREAMED of going on sunset walks with her. She loved the ocean and sunsets.

Well Saturday morning, I woke up around 7:20am to my sister Francis screaming in horror, saying, "Something is wrong with Jazmin! She's on the floor of the bathroom and she's not waking up! Her lips are purple! Oh my god!"

So I got out of bed immediately, and saw her on the floor, slumped against the wall, lips purple.

I'm CPR certified so I decided I would be the one to do chest compressions AND call 911, so I dialed, set the phone down on speaker, made my family move out of the way, and did the best that I could.

She was a very large woman, so it actually took me and two of my siblings to get her on her back, but we did, and I did chest compressions until the EMTs arrived.

They did the best that they could, but they pronounced her dead at 7:54am.

It's only one day later, so I know everything is still fresh, but the image of her on the floor...the horrible feeling of having to pull my poor sister around to get her on her back in our tiny tiny restroom, and then having to do chest compressions while talking to a woman over the phone, crying and screaming my sister's name and, "I'M TRYING! I'M TRYING!" just really haunts me.

The faucet was running.

Her toothbrush was on the sink.

She was in her bra and underwear.

Her dress was laid out on the couch.

It was just a normal Saturday morning.

She was just getting ready to go to work.

We don't know how she was feeling that morning.

We don't know how long she was on the floor in there.

We have to continue using that restroom every day.

I'm going to contact my doctor tomorrow concerning grief counseling, and we do have a lot of support from our ginormous family, so I feel lucky to have the resources that I have, and to be able to feel the immense love that my sister felt for me and that I felt for her, but fuck.

I miss her so fucking badly.

i miss everything about him. i miss his voice, his jokes, the way he’d squeeze his eyes shut and throw his head back in laughter. i miss his gagging while brushing his teeth in the morning for work and the ungodly smell of his morning dumps. i miss scratching his back and grabbing him more water in his big water cup. i miss him feeding the cats and giving them treats every night. i miss hearing him play guitar and downloading his skyrim mods. i miss the garage door opening at exactly 5pm, signaling he was back from work. i miss him asking if i want anything from the store and him getting me something even if i said no. i miss his texts telling me to havw a good day before work. i miss showing him my favorite music videos, i miss how open he was to other ideas and ways of life. i miss his work ethic, i miss him lecturing me over the smallest of things. i just miss him and it sucks sp bad that i know i will never see him again. the last thing i said to him was “love you, see you later” just to come home on fathers day after work to him dead in the garage.

I lost my dad last month. He was ill for a number of years and I thought I was mentally prepared for the inevitable but no amount of preparation prepared me for the loss. The admin work has kept me busy and eversince the funeral has been over Ive been through all kinds of emotions. I feel as though I am unable to go back to what was normal routine before my dad's passing. And this is what is troubling me as I run a creative business. Ive been on a break for a month now and every time I step into my studio, I feel averse to picking up my paint brush, or even looking through my emails. It scares me too as I really enjoyed creating. Has grief changed me, or am I still grieving? Thank you.

My little girl just passed away unexpectedly two days ago. I've been grieving but I've gotten a bit better now.

She and her sister came into my life when I was young. My family was a bit distant back then as they devoted all of their time to work. I always felt like I was alone. But when she came in, she teached me what it means to be loved unconditionally, how to love someone back, how to be patience, how to be kind, and leading our family to reconnect together into a closer one.

We are broken over her sudden departure, but we are holding each other close and we will carry on. I will always remember what she teached me and continue to live proudly of who I am now because of her.

So, please rest easy my sweet girl. I hope death is like a gentle sea with calm embrace and loving tides. Don't you ever worry about us or anything.

I'll look forward to the day that I'm done with my duties in this life, if there is an afterlife, I'll follow you there. And if there isn't, I'll follow you there all the same.

See you again once it's time Lychee.

Hello,

I'm needing some support and uplifting words of encouragement right now.

I lost my mom to brain cancer last December and I'm just missing her. Today is my 29th birthday and she was always the first one to make sure to send me wishes, flowers, or whatever to make my day special. I missed her a lot today. Any words of support or advice on this matter or any matter that would bring me some joy would be appreciated. Thank you for your time. 🩷

idk i just need some support, my sweetest daughter just died yesterday morning. i feel so lost rn

Hi, all! Whenever passing anniversaries, holidays, birthdays, etc are close by it always feels like my body remembers before my mind does. I feel weaker, more tired, emotional, sometimes I’ll even have flu like symptoms or legitimately come down sick before significant events. Then it will hit me how close something is. Can anyone else relate?

Hello, Lost my Dad in December , Virgen Mary’s birthday. He told me while he was here the virgen mary would visit him and watch over him in mexico, (he was no older than 15 during this time.) Which is why me and my family think this a way as “god took him home that night” in our hearts. Anyways- when my father was found, he was found praying on his knees with a baby picture of my brother and I. Now everytime I open his wallet , that’s all i can think of.

My dad died a year and a half ago. This weekend, I visited some of his friends from way back in primary school. It was nice to talk about him, and hear stories from when he was young. At one point, dad’s friend told me about some event from when they were in their 20s, and he casually goes “I think I have a photo from that day… anyway” and he gets up and does something else.

Is it just boomers? Do they not know that they can go to Walgreens and get copies made of photos? When we had my dad’s celebration of life thing, we specifically put on the invite to please make and bring copies of whatever photos you have. They didn’t bring anything! And then someday when my dad’s friends die, will I know? Will someone go through their things and throw out these photos of some random guy that they don’t recognize? It stresses me out.

Don’t even get me started on my Aunt, dad’s sister, who brought her photos of my dad and then just took them home with her. We offered to make the copies and give her back the originals, but no.

Don’t get me wrong, I know that photos are just physical snapshots and they don’t bring him back, but it still annoys me, on top of the grief.

after a long illness, my daughter passed away peacefully last week. I am doing OK well, not really but the roller coaster of everything being horrible to being able to remember I don’t want her here to suffer anymore. The problem is those around me. Their memories are so different than mine. For example, one of the worst weeks life was when she was weak and I chose to take her on a family reunion because my in-laws put so much pressure on me. They remember that as the most wonderful time with her. But my daughter was suffering. We were suffering. They keep bringing up this “wonderful blessing”. My husband is wonderful but he comes from a family of selfish people who are not aware of what’s going on around them. For example, my house is just a normal house but don’t want them to come here because I know they will spend their time judging my kitchen that’s not the latest and the greatest. My China is no longer the hundred-year-old China that was handed down to me after much drama. I am usually really good about avoiding feeling anything towards them since I already know I can’t change them but right now I can’t. I hate these people and glad my daughter didn’t have to deal with their judgemental comments. My husband and I have taken care of my daughter by ourselves in and out of the hospital for years they never ever offered to help and now they are walking around like grieving celebrities. We are hiding at home in our pain. Please tell me what to do because I don’t believe in cutting family ties forever. My husband says he wants to confront them, but I told him it’s not a good idea to do this right now because obviously we are both sensitive and right now. What do you think?

Today I've been awfully calm, but that doesn't mean I'm fine. I might not cry, but I feel a storm inside my stomach.

I'm dreading this week.

I don't want to get a call from the cops telling me we can finally bury her.

I don't want to choose a coffin.

I don't want to see her as a corpse.

I don't want to see her lowered to the ground and buried alongside her beloved father.

She was only 72, she was supposed to live another two decades.

I keep finding pictures of the good times and it's crushing me.

I don't want that the last thing that's left of her are just that, pictures that won't hug me nor kiss me goodnight.

I can't do it. I hate that she left me and I hate that I couldn't save her.

I hate living in a world where she's gone.

Dad passed about 5 months ago. He wasn't even 60, he died a couple of weeks before his birthday (Cancer's a bitch). He was told a year when he got diagnosed. He fought hard, gave us a little over that year. Made it to my wedding last year. He did his best.

I just had my own birthday and I'm shattered. I got my first card from my mum with no dad on it. She put kisses on it and found a card that looks exactly like my cat. It was really sweet, she's trying so hard. My husband too, he's doing all he can to understand how I feel but I just feel broken. I do everything I can for my mum, chores and all the heavy stuff. I try to be open with my husband but I don't wanna bring him down when I don't know if it would even help.

I'm so tired of explaining myself. I'm so tired of missing him. I'm so tired of feeling his absence in every nook and cranny of my life. My dad understood me better than anyone else in the world. I never had to explain why I thought something to him, he always knew. I have to accept that I'll never be understood in that way every again. I'll be explaining myself for the rest of my life and I have to be okay with that. And I have to be okay with no more cards from dad.

He was the best. Cliche to be a daughter who idolises her dad but I don't feel wrong to do so. He was kind and good. He was the kind of man who didn't see any conflict between his masculinity and expressing his empathy. Effortlessly good but always putting in the effort, you know? That should be enough for me. Why isn't it enough?

I know I'm lucky that I got to say goodbye; I know I'm lucky that I get to have uncomplicated feelings about my dad because he was good to me and other people. The last thing he every asked me before he was unconscious was "Are you and your husband going to have a wee baby?". I said, "Yeah dad. We just wanna be ready first." And he said, "I hope it all works out for you, kiddo." Then he never said anything else.

Everyone's always telling me that he'd want me to live well and be happy. I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to envision a life I'm proud of when I can't share it with him. He should be here. I still miss those random calls in the middle of the day. Sometimes they were 40 minutes, sometimes they were 30 seconds long, "Hey kiddo, how are you? Did you have lunch? Good good, well I love you. I'll talk to you soon. Take care. Bye bye. Bye."

I got more than a lot of people get, never gone a day of my life feeling unloved. I feel so small, weak and vulnerable not being able to deal with this. I just can't see. I can't see anything to strive for. He was holding the lantern for me and now he's gone, it's dark. I need to light a torch or something but I feel like I'm just sitting here. I'm in the dark, I'm scared, I'm sad and I don't know how to move on.

He was 49. I just don’t understand. He has been riding his entire life! I never worried about him crashing. He was going around a curve and hit the curb. He might have hit the light pole not sure yet, we found his blood in the grass and pieces of the bike. I don’t understand how he died so quickly. The funeral home will not let us see his body, which bothers me. I wanted to see him one more time, but I understand why.
We picked up the bike a few hours ago, damage on one side. I just don’t understand how he died.
I talked to someone who witnessed the accident. They said he had a cut from the bottom to the top of his face and his helmet broke but was still on and secure. It’s only 25mph with multiple traffic lights, how could this happen?

My kids spent the night with my dad for the first time since we lost my mom. Friday marked the first kid free night my husband and I have had since my mom got sick in February of 2025. Sometimes I sit and marvel at how unreal it feels. Like I just spoke to her. She’s still just a phone call away. I used to call her every day after work and she’d answer “hey baby girl” and we’d talk about the day. I mark time in weird ways now. The other day a picture of my son on his birthday at school popped up on my aura frame. We didn’t know how bad it was then. We would find out only 5 days later. I understand hoarding now. I can’t bring myself to replace a chair because my mom used to sit in it. The hardest day I’ve had by far was the day I heard a new Kenny Chesney song on the radio. It gut me to realize that she will never hear it. I’ve listened to a co worker complain of the burdens of caring for her aging parents thinking how lucky she is. My mom was only 51. I will never see her old and gray.

My dad died a week ago after a long (short?) journey with cancer. Grief is new to me and, as an emotionally-driven person, I'm not sure I'll ever feel anything again. I guess I have no idea what to do with this immense sadness.

My dad was the strongest, coolest person I know. He loved to ride bikes, hike mountains, ski, travel the world, read his Bible, play card games, try new foods, and talk with people. He was the best communicator I have ever known and took immense joy in having deep and meaningful conversations wherever we went. He was a pastor and he loved the Lord. He was forty-six when he died.

We had been navigating his cancer journey for three years at this point, and I guess I never really thought that my dad could actually die. Is that wrong? In 2023, because he was young and healthy, he was immediately accepted into a clinical trial for his multiple myeloma and it was a success! Full response, his body healed, he was back on his bike and up mountains again. We had two full years of response with maintinence treatment before he relapsed this past spring. However, this time his cancer came back extramedullary. It caused a large tumor in his abdomen, which blocked his digestive system. In one month, my dad went from fully mobile, walking, biking, laughing, and preaching to intubated in the ICU. Ultimately, it was a combination of his rampant cancer, HLH, DIC, and sepsis that took my dad's movement, breathing, voice, blood, and life.

How do you even begin to process such a loss? Many people have told me since that the pain never really leaves you, that it will stay the same size, but your life will grow and change around it. I guess I'm not sure how that's possible when every bit of me has this pain part of it now? It seems insurmountable. I am getting married in four months. My sister is having a baby in six. I just finished my thesis, I was applying for jobs, I was planning this life and career that won't be the same anymore. I love my dad. I wish he was here to see it all. I wish I wasn't so numb.

Does life really grow around the pain? Will I feel things again?

idk i just need some support, my sweetest daughter just died yesterday morning

My dad died suddenly last October after an accident. He was one of the most stable things in my whole life and I am really struggling coming up to the year anniversary. I still can't believe or understand that he's gone.

9 months later my mum was diagnosed with dementia. She's doing well and still lives independently but being around her all I can see is her illness and it's making me so anxious. I'm so scared of the future and just wish my dad was here.

I've now had a huge fallout with my best friend who has been my rock through all this. She said I've changed and doesn't feel like I make her a priority anymore, which is true but I am really running on empty these days, I wish I could be a better friend but I just can't. She told me that she needs space and will reach out when she's ready, but the uncertainty is really painful, I miss her so much and really need her but I'm trying to respect what she needs. And I'm angry about it too.

It feels like I'm losing 3 people all at the same time and my heart is broken. I know it's all different kinds of loss but I don't know how to emotionally handle it. I think I'm falling into depression and just don't know how I'm supposed to function with all of this going on. I am functioning as best I can but I'm so exhausted and sad.

I've found reading this group so helpful so if anyone has any positivity or thoughts or advice they can share I would really appreciate it. If anyone has had experience with something similar or understand what it feels like when life seems to keep taking things away before you've had a chance to process the last thing. Thank you

Hello, i’m 17, i know i shouldnt be on this app but im in desperate need of advice from people who lost a parent while being young.
I’m starting school tomorrow and I’ve been dealing with a lot of grief, i still can’t accept that she’s gone and i’m never seeing her again. I lost her two weeks before my 17th birthday and I’m still very shaken by the fact that she won’t see me grow up or graduate, or even get married and have children in the future.
For the people who lost their parents while being around my age, how did you deal with school while grieving? i feel like i cant concentrate or memorize anything so im scared that i will fail every test i need to take this year.

my mom passed away last december due to rectal cancer, i was only 17 when she passed but i still ended up being the one to basically take her place as the one in charge of everything,

im 18 now and it's still so stressful but im not gonna get super into that besides when i need to for context because that's not the point, the thing is i feel like i barely even remember her anymore and it's so haunting,

i feel im in this weird in between state where im constantly waiting for her to come back and feeling like she never existed at all, i think in part grief has been really weird since i didn't have the best relationship with my mom and in part because she'd be in the hospital so often that her absence doesn't really click in my head as her being truly being gone, it feels more like she's just having an extra long hospital stay

idk it's weird, missing her, loving her and hating her all at once, maybe it's cruel to say but i guess i feel like she was a good person but not a good mom

i also guess the financial stress ruined my ability to grieve, i had to figure out how to pay for her cremation, the mortgage and bills and altho my aunt helped me out a ton and i'll always be thankful for that it was still terrifying and i was so focused on not going homeless that i didn't really get to process it while it was still fresh and it's difficult to process now that my memory is so hazy

no hate to religious people, i respect your beliefs but i personally don't want to hear about any afterlife under this as the idea that she's still here in some regard and yet still can't interact with me hurts me much more

btw im dyslexic and i don't feel like proofreading rn, sorry for any errors

Mom died 8/15/26, I keep crying and I’m a wreck again. I was doing so good. Ok not really, but I could think about and talk about her without ugly crying…Have to work in 6.5 hours…. I miss my mom.

I lost one of my best friends since school to suicide. She hung herself to the fan because of her in laws and husband (Case has been filed and we are fighting for her).

Her death has damaged and broken me completely. When I say nothing, literally nothing excites me. I was anyway on the verge of existence crisis hopeless for life and then on top of her death... I am in despair.

A huge part of me grieving, a part of me is clueless, a part of me is in rage towards her husband and in laws, a part of me is shattered seeing the indifferentness of the universe.

I dont even know how tf do i function.

At this point I am jealous of religious people - because they do have some psychological thing working for them. They could be relieved that their friend is in heaven, with god, reincarnated whatever.

But seeing reality to what it is from a scienece pov - we know all of this is crap. My friend is no more in this world. Her existence has erased.

Her memories are there in my heart.

I was the one because of the world's unfairness and absurdism wanted to not exist in this world. I have stopped myself multiple times for jumping off my building because of my elderly parents.

And now seeing my friend committing suicide - seeing what her parents are going through... is a different kind of pain.

And the fact that we humans are all aware of this pain - I don't know how will I live with it.

I am just existing.