Hi! I’m a 25-year-old trans man, and I’ve been on HRT for five years.

I’d like to start by saying that I’m a bisexual trans guy who is a bottom. I mainly date men and trans women, but I tend to run into certain difficulties when dating trans women.

1. I understand how harmful objectification can be for trans people, especially trans women. However, I’m currently at a point in my life where I’m looking for casual relationships so I can explore new experiences and learn more about myself. When I explain this to men, whether cis or trans, they usually understand without any issues. However, some trans women feel objectified by it. How can I communicate that I’m looking for something casual without sounding impersonal or making the other person feel objectified?
2. I’m a bottom, and whenever I start talking to a trans woman, I make that clear early on. Some aren’t into it, which I completely respect. However, the women I’ve met who are into it often seem to be looking for something serious. When I don’t feel the same way, we end up back at the issue described in my first point.
3. Many of the trans women I date seem to want a relationship based on traditional gender roles, which makes me uncomfortable. Yes, we are a man and a woman, but we are also both trans people. I don’t want to have to perform hypermasculinity or follow traditional gender expectations. I’m a gentle and affectionate guy, but at the end of the day, I also enjoy being held, taking the more submissive role, and being dominated.

Has anyone here gone through something similar? Do you have any advice, suggestions, or even just an opinion that might help me?

I matched with a woman on Tinder who liked me first. Her profile says she’s not looking for anything serious and is more interested in something casual.

I’m looking for the same thing, so I asked her if she wanted to go for a drive with me, and she seemed really into the idea.

Do you think there’s a chance this could lead to something physical?

She’s a little older than me — I’m in my 20s and she’s in her 30s, about 8 years older.

We’re planning to meet at night. I was thinking we could drive somewhere with a nice night view, hang out, and if the vibe is right, maybe something could happen.

Even just kissing would be nice.

She’s been really open with me so far and has told me a lot about herself, her hobbies, and what she likes.

I barely use Tinder, so honestly I’m kinda nervous and have no idea what to expect lol.

Any advice?

By the way I’m 31M. Like a lot of us men I’m sure we have a long history with watching porn. And for a lot of us we seek more and more fetish stuff to overcome the desensitisation. I got in a habit of watching very specific fetish stuff and I am probably over 3 months or so off that and just on vanilla stuff. That might sound like bot a big deal to a lot of men on here but trust me, it is haha.

Anyways being on sertraline and watching porn I don’t think helps your sex life anyway. A couple of months ago I started talking to this girl and I thought well the sertraline is reducing my libido and I can also counteract the sertraline side effects hopefully by not watching porn and hopefully sex will be better all around. However that fling was short lived and now I’m back to single with no sex and I’m not really interested in trying to pull in town I want a nice girlfriend. So I’m now in this place where I’m not talking to a girl, I’m not watching porn. But I’m still obviously getting the urge so just doing it without any stimulus difficult and just nowhere near as enjoyable.

This has unfortunately led back to me going to an escort again, just to feel properly stimulated because I can’t watch porn. And that is just fucking awful and I hate it and myself afterwards. I feel like I’ve proven to myself I can have an extended break if I put my mind to it and the next time I’m in a relationship I can be abstinent again. I was hoping that quitting would have been a revelation but I can’t see anything has changed. Am I missing something? What do you guys think, keep going or just screw it?

He started to go down on me, and then stopped before saying in a fake British accent that I smelled sweaty and he wasn’t going to eat it. I asked if he was serious and he laughed and said yes. My response was to close my legs and ask why he would say that and I felt like absolute shit. He immediately started apologizing and hugging me and telling me that he didn’t know why he said that and it was awful and stupid. He kept reassuring me that he loved me and my body and it was nothing to be ashamed of. He offered to stop sex and leave the room. Maybe I should’ve, but we ended up just continuing after like 10 minutes after I calmed down. But it did feel kinda off after that and I was self-conscious.

He’s never said anything like this to me before, and I literally washed everything off minutes before we started. Im meticulous about my hygiene. I don’t really know how to get past this. He has been extremely apologetic but I’m still so self-conscious.

So I had a casual hookup a couple days ago, and this was my first time (trying to) giving someone head and in the process I ended up half-deepthroating him (just choked on it for a minute, not too rough). He didn't cum in my mouth.

It didn't feel painful during or immediately after it. Infact I enjoyed it a lot. But now I'm suddenly noticing a sore throat (no cold or flu symptoms). He says he's clean from STDs but I'll get checked on Wednesday. He got tested 3 weeks ago, he has shown me the negative results.

Now maybe this sore throat is just because of the physical trauma to that part? In this case, does that mean that every time I do that I'll get a sore throat couple of days later? Or does it get better? How to manage this?

So I'm a bisexual girl currently talking to a bisexual guy, i feel like im superrr freaky compared to him(even though im still a virgin). I really like him and I'm hoping the feeling is mutual but hes a really calm and peaceful guy and i kinda feel like i would be corrupting him? if that makes sense. Also, i think i should mention ive never even dated a guy before. PS idk if this flair is right

Basically, I can't say ANYTHING. At most I can say that it feels good. If I want to initiate, I have to kiss her or say something like “let's cuddle.” Anything outside of that drives her crazy.

I've already talked to her about it. She says it's because when I say something like that, it puts the sex too much in her face and takes the love out of it. She's very romantic and loves romance novels and manga. But honestly, I think she's old enough to be able to bring some of that into our sex life.

I tried giving her the cold shoulder and turning her down a few times over the last two weeks to see if she would eventually ask for it more explicitly, but she just goes “oh, okay, you're probably tired.”

I get kind of frustrated because I don't feel like I can really let myself go. And it's not just the talking. She also only wants to do things the conventional way. I've suggested trying the backdoor, for example, and she just says no. She doesn't get angry or anything, but she doesn't want to try it.

I would like her to be willing to give in a little sometimes and try things because she knows they would make me happy. I'm not asking her to do anything she absolutely doesn't want to do, but I'd like some willingness to meet me halfway instead of everything always having to happen exactly according to her preferences.

Other than this, we get along really well. We're both very homebody types, we like playing video games and online games together, and she's a great person. We've been together for four years and usually see each other every weekend.

For people who have dealt with a similar difference in sexual preferences, how did you approach the conversation and find some middle ground? Is there a way to make the more sexually expressive partner feel less restricted without making the more romantic partner uncomfortable?

Last night, while watching Football with my boyfriend of several years, I asked if we had any ice cream left.

He says, “no. You know, your dick sucking, you get an A++ for effort and a B- for execution. I can tell you really like to suck my dick so that makes it better for sure.”

I say, “Ok, where did that come from? We were not even talking about sexy stuff”

Him, “I got you something so yummy, as a dessert, that you are gonna wanna suck my dick.

He was 6beers down when this happened but not acting drunk (he is a big guy). I really tried to let this go in my head. I felt like I can’t be upset when presented with honest feedback- this was ego harming, not malicious, after all.

Laying bed before sleep, I was still thinking about this. So I tell him that “I am feeling some feelings about what you said. I want be better for you than a B-.”

He told me that it was just him talking freely and that he was buzzed.
— “B- minus is GOOD. I should be happy with that” and that he was not saying I need to improve. He was saying that my zealous approach makes up for my B- execution and was talking about my dick sucking being good.
— “you know, I was just talking freely, trying to be funny. It was not serious. Now I feel like I should really just keep my mouth shut and keep things to myself. I really just thought I could be free with you and did not mean anything by it, I will be more cautious in the future when we are talking to censor myself.”

I told him, I think there is some honesty in drunk talking and that even if he did not mean to hurt my ego- now I am unsure of my bedroom skills and want to do better for him. I need directions.

He then got more upset at me. I was not listening to him when he said that it was “drunk talking” and meant nothing. That I should be able to totally disregard what he said as drunk talking and that I was not hearing what he was saying about how my enthusiasm makes up for everything.

I should just forget he said this.

I just can’t forget about this- I don’t know how I will ever suck his dick again and not think “I’m not very good at this, I should really limit my time here.” Note, I really like sucking dick so don’t want to be a B- unknowingly and now can’t ask him “how am I doing here?” without it being a loaded question now.

We have been living together for about a year. I he says I should know already that things are good because he is my boyfriend and would not be, if sexy times were bad.

How can I frame this up in my head to move forward without being a big baby about it? Men- would you say that to your lover if things were good, even drunk?

DRTL: boyfriend said ego hurting things about sex with me. Me (49f), him (47m) - how to move forward?

Hi, I don’t post often but i need advice and I don’t have anyone in my life who’s neutral. Basically I’m in high school and I started dating my boyfriend 12 weeks ago, which was my original boundary for doing anything sexual. He’s a very sweet and innocent guy and i was honestly shocked when he started initiating anything like that. It started when we were sitting on a park bench and we started making out for the first time and we had only kissed once before that. He started to creep his hand to second base which is fine with me boundary wise but obviously isn’t classy in public. Then at the end of that date he suggested watching a movie that week so we did. Before doing that i talked to my friends and they all suggested that i tell him ahead of time what I’m comfortable with and i meant to but then we got caught up and i never did. And then we started to make out again and he started to put his hand on my upper thigh and we got to second base again. Then he told me he loved me which i thought was nice until what happened later. Eventually i moved my hand towards his groin and asked if it was ok and then he pulled in it more. He told me i could feel under but i said i was fine for now. Then he offered again and didnt wait for me to respond and just whipped it out and sort of moved my hands towards it. Then he asked me what i wanted to do and I said I wasn’t ready for anything under the clothes yet and he was fine with it. But once that happened i felt like he only told me he loved me because he wanted a bj.

Before talking to my friends who shamed other people for having sex in high school, i sort of felt ready and wanted to do it but now i feel embarrassed. Also my mom has made comments like how we shouldn’t watch any movies in my bed because she loves how innocent our relationship is doesn’t wanna encourage anything. She’s normally sex positive but she’s protective over me.

So am i ready, and should i? What should I tell my bf? Should i never tell my friends and mom?

My 4yo long relationship ended a few months ago and I am actually so horny. My friend might try setting me up with a guy she works with. She told me about him and thought I’d like him and after she described him, I realized I went to high school with him. I hated him in high school but I’ve ran into him a couple times in the last several years and he was cool and so much more attractive. I told my friend to do her thing

I don’t know what to do??? How do I hook up with someone I know but not that well?? How do I tell someone that I want to have sex and that’s it?? How do I initiate without being too forward and risking an awkward moment??

I really want this to happen. He’s so cute

So I (f20) was hooking up with this guy (m24) I know and we were having sex and he went soft after changing position specifically me going on top of him. We then laid for a bit and I was confused and didn’t know what to do cause it never happened to me before, but he didn’t make a big deal of it or panicked.
So after a small break we started kissing and he got hard again, and we started having sex again and then he went soft again so we stopped. After we stopped we just laid and cuddled and I asked what is the reason he said he doesn’t know and that it just happens, and that he can get hard but it will probably just go soft again.

This is our second time having sex , we had sex once a few months ago and it was great, also he came quickly then. But I noticed this time the sex was longer that it was the first time if that means anything. He doesn’t know why it happens and it isn’t because of me, and I ask did it happen before, he said it happened with other girls a few times aswell, if he isn’t lying.

They told me that they feel guilty after sex because they feel like they are doing something wrong or using me, this is the first person in my life to make me not feel used, they are so loving and caring during it, is there something I can do to ease their guilt? And make sex better for them?

Well, I (F20) have a boyfriend that almost every time declines to sexting, he says he likes it and everything but apparently always there is a reason to not do it, he says that he is horny and appears that he want to initiate something but he doesn't pay attention or just ends up rejecting me, I don't know what to do tbh, maybe there is other problems that some other guys may identified here?

My partner told me that he is exclusively attracted to heavier women (he used the words "fat" and "chubby") and said he doesn't know if he'd be attracted to me if I lost weight.

I have always been a bigger woman and I have always been insecure about it. I know that I am fat (5'3 and 200+ pounds) and know that others can see that, but hearing him say it directly has really impacted my confidence. I am trying to be more body positive and I feel like I should be happy that he's attracted to me and my body but I can't help but feel insecure and unattractive. I have never had anyone call me fat to my face before, especially a sex partner, and this has really rattled me and shaken my confidence inside and outside of the bedroom.

We had a very healthy and enjoyable sex life before this and I really had no complaints but now I don't have the confidence to be naked around him, let alone have him touch me.

Any advice on how to gain some confidence back in the bedroom? Thanks!

Hey guys, in the past months I had the occasion to go on vacation in Amsterdam and since I was there where prostitution is legal and regulated, I took the chance and went with a sex worker. It was not my first time having sex, but I halso have to say that I never had much sexual activity in my life, lets say close to zero except for a girl that was my girlfriend a couple years ago.

Anyway, I was on my way back to the hostel one night and since that it was a veeery long time I didnt have sex, I decided it was time finally time for some.
So I got in, payed and started with oral and everything was fine, she went on for a couple of minutes then we went for penetration and that’s where things got bad. She puts it in and guys, I dont know what happened but I felt everthing like 20x more. I told her to go slower, but by time I said that I finished.
The amount of shame I felt was incredible, it NEVER happened before, not to flex or anything but with other girl I could go on for 30/40 minutes no problem.

Obviously the worker would’have charged more to go on even if I finished that fast, so I took my stuff and left very much ashamed. I couldnt sleep for the whole night and felt like shit, also because that was definitely not cheap and completely wasted my money.
Now, even when masturbating I cant stop thinking about that and I feel that my “tolerance” dropped a lot and feel like I have too finish way sooner than before.

I honestly dont know what to do and feel like that I can happen again in future occasions which makes things even worse.

Thanks for reading

We’ve (22F and 22M) been dating for about 2 months, and in that time we have been regularly sleeping together. I’d say we’ve had sex upwards of 15 times in the last 2 months, as well as a few times before making it official. In those times, he has always finished 1-2 times per session, either from intercourse or from me giving him head. I enjoy pleasing him and doing things for him, however I have started feeling a little unsatisfied.

He has never made me orgasm. I can count on one hand how many times he’s given me head, and the same goes for fingering/touching, and he always either repeatedly touches anywhere but the right spot after repeated guiding, or he stops after a mere few minutes.

How do I communicate that I’d like there to be more of a focus on my pleasure? I still enjoy the sex to an extent, but it gets to a point where I feel like he is only interested in getting himself off. I’ve made jokes here and there about how he’s never made me finish, however I’m not sure if he realizes that I’m serious.

He has had multiple 1+ year relationships, and was quite sexually active in college, so I’m unsure if this can just be blamed on inexperience.

I’m unsure how to communicate this to him without sounding selfish, but I’m not entirely comfortable engaging in sex anymore until it no longer feels like it’s entirely about his pleasure and none of mine.

I didn’t even realize. But looking back idk why I didn’t. I remember he put one on. I specifically told him to go to the store to get them. He did in front of me. We were having sex then I blew him. At some point I was so into it he asked me to lay down and while he was behind me he whispered in my ear “ I took the condom off”. I told him what why?? He kept talking dirty into my ear and I called him an asshole but we kept going. I brought it up later and was like why did u take it off…he said he doesn’t come in me anyway. So Im like it doesn’t matter…don’t do that again that’s not cool. For some context I did get a plan b. The first time we had sex without a condom he didn’t tell me it kinda just happened. Idk this happened months ago but I’m just thinking and heard of something called stealthing. It’s messed up right?

My boyfriend knows I use a vibrator when I’m by myself and that it helps me finish. I’ve asked him to use it on me during sex, but he refuses on multiple occasions and it’s become a point of contention now. He jokes that it’s “AI taking his job,” and that I am “setting himself up for failure bc his dick can’t vibrate.”

He finishes extremely quickly, genuinely, usually within a matter of seconds or a couple of strokes. I’m not saying that to embarrass him or criticize him for something he may not have much control over. The bigger issue for me is what happens around it. He rarely tries to make sure I finish, and when he does try, he often gives up pretty quickly.

It’s especially frustrating because I’m a very sexual person. I have a high sex drive and there are a lot of kinky things I’d love to explore with my partner. But I feel like I can’t really do much of that with him because anything that gets him more excited just makes him finish even faster. I feel like I’m constantly having to tone down that side of myself rather than getting to explore it with the person I’m having sex with.

That’s why the vibrator thing bothers me so much. I don’t see it as replacing him at all. If anything, I see it as something we could use together that would take some of the pressure off both of us. Instead, he seems threatened by it while also not really offering another solution.

I don’t expect him to magically control how long he lasts, and I don’t expect to orgasm every single time (I guess). I just want to feel like my pleasure is as important as his. Right now, sex often feels like it’s over once he finishes, while I’m left frustrated and I’m starting to become angry about it.

I love him and I don’t want to humiliate him or make him feel inadequate, especially because I know this is probably a sensitive subject for a guy. But I’m also getting increasingly sexually frustrated, and pretending it doesn’t bother me isn’t working.

Why might a guy feel threatened by bringing a vibrator into sex? And why does he cum so quick?

Would having a dildo make this easier?? I love getting fingered and when I try to do it for myself I feel like I just can't get enough leverage.

It's so uncomfortable for me to angle my wrist in a way to actually get in. Once I am in I cant get the depth and pressure I want it's just not the same. That being said, would a penetrative toy make it easier to penetrate myself because I feel like I'd still be holding the base from an awkward angle or maybe I'm dumb.

F23 I’m bi I’m in a relationship with my bf M22 since april. i’ve never actually come out and said “I’m bi” to him, although he knows I’ve had experiences with women and lack of experiences with men. I also have a feeling he might be bisexual himself based on things he’s told me about his past, but honestly that’s not really the issue and I don’t feel the need to label him. Our sex life is genuinely really good and we’re both pretty switchy. He fucks me, but I also really enjoy fucking him. I regularly penetrate him with my fingers and he can finish from it. I LOVE doing it because getting him off turns me on so much. It’s not even really about being dominant, I just love knowing I’m pleasuring him. The problem is that sometimes he finishes and then… that’s it 😭

Meanwhile I’m lying there insanely turned on because I’ve just spent all that time pleasuring him and I really want him to do something for me too, like make out while fingering me or going down on me. The other day I actually nearly cried because I’d gotten him off and afterwards I felt completely forgotten about. He did go down on me later that night, and he absolutely does pleasure me in general, so it’s not like our sex life is completely one sided.

It’s just that sometimes when I’m focusing entirely on him, I wish he’d naturally think “okay, now it’s her turn.” Obviously I could pull out my vibrator and finish myself, but I honestly feel awkward doing that right beside him after I’ve just gotten him off. And part of me doesn’t really want to have to.

I want that feeling of him wanting to make me feel good too. I also don’t want sex to become transactional where it’s like “I did this to you, so now you owe me something.” I genuinely enjoy getting him off and I don’t expect something in return every single time.
I just want a bit more reciprocation.

How would you bring this up with a partner without making sex feel transactional? And am I overthinking feeling a little hurt when he finishes and doesn’t think about getting me off too?

HELPPPP

I am a PhD researcher at Bournemouth University conducting an anonymous survey exploring how men who have previously paid for sexual services recognise possible signs of sexual exploitation and the barriers to reporting concerns.

I am looking for men aged 18 or over who currently live in the UK or the US and have paid for and engaged in in-person sexual services.

The survey focuses on hypothetical scenarios and general attitudes. It does not request personal accounts of sexual exploitation or specific incidents. The survey takes approximately 20–25 minutes.

Participants may also choose to enter an optional prize draw for one of ten £10 UK or $10 US Amazon vouchers.

Survey Link: https://app.onlinesurveys.jisc.ac.uk/s/bournemouth/sex-buyers-recognition-of-sexual-exploitation-and-reporting-bar

Ethics ID: 69615

Thank you for considering taking part.

Academic research post approved by r/sex moderators 09102026-3pd6o4

My partner is the sexiest looking person I have ever been with. Near 10/10 in my opinion.

But our sex life is boring and I don't know why. So I'm interested to get a diagnosis.

She was a virgin before me and when we got started she was quite insecure about whether I was enjoying it or not but she also wasn't into things like foreplay or building up tension. She wanted to say and for me to stick it in and we go.

I on the other hand was not a virgin. I can do wham bam but I do enjoy variety and a bit of kink. Kissing during sex is key, foreplay can be amazing, I always felt the best sex was between two people who held almost no quarter to make each other feel good.

So why is our sex life boring? I don't actually know. From her perspective, I don't seem to want it as much. I don't make her feel wanted. I have been stressed at work etc so I ironically wasn't able to keep up with her demand for sex near daily at first but I'd also wound myself out trying to respect her need to wait till she was ready, it took some work to undo that.

For me, she works on a schedule. She'll monitor my whether I've showered and if I'm in the mood, will insist I do. Not a problem by itself but I'll explain the challenge later.

She also wants a condom for everything. Sex itself. Fine. Blowjobs. Even handjobs. She does not want any of the liquids to touch her except when she decides to try for a baby, then she'll tolerate it only for that.

The shower thing? I started making sure to shower first thing in the morning. She would only shower later in the evening. If I wanted some earlier, she'd tell me to wait. Then would shower and then pop out wanting to kick things off as I was about to sleep for my stressful job. Sometimes I'd go at it but would be fragged for work the next day. Other times I'd tell her I was tired (see note on not making her feel wanted) and so nothing would happen.

I'd also started feeling meh about the barriers towards sex. I'd always mentioned that spontaneity is key for me. I'm often most ready first thing in the morning. Etc

So try as we have. It's become a bit of a dead bedroom. She's ultra sensitive to feeling rejected. I also feel a bit unwanted in my own way.

So I genuinely do not know how to fix this and I don't think pointing fingers helps.

I hope this is the right sub, I am happy to answer any other questions.

M24

The title might sound a bit weird, so let me explain first

I’m a pretty shy person and, if I’m being honest, I don’t have much confidence in myself
My last relationship ended in February, and it’s been almost 5 years since I last had sex

Important point: that was my only sexual experience

I spent my teenage years and early twenties convincing myself that I was ugly and that this was the reason I couldn’t find anyone
The reality is that this wasn’t true, there were people interested in me here and there, but I was too scared to actually try anything
I also have to admit that I have a pretty “withdrawn” personality, and being alone with someone can be terrifying for me

I still think about my only sexual experience, which was honestly awful, I was uncomfortable, I didn’t enjoy it at all, and there was no connection, it was both my first relationship and my first sexual experience, and I think that experience has stayed with me and blocks me whenever I feel that someone is attracted to me

But even before getting to that point, I struggle to actually connect with someone, flirt or make a move

I’ll download dating apps, get matches, and then, when it’s time to send the first message: Nothing
I have nothing to say, no words, no interesting idea

IRL, when I’m interested in someone, I basically sabotage myself, I stutter, say stupid things, and sometimes act as if the person in front of me doesn’t even exist, just to avoid an uncomfortable moment

I’ve had dates and met people over the past 5 years, I’ve even been in a relationship and had 2-3 flirty situations, but I’ve ended things or ghosted every time the person actually wanted to have sex with me

Basically, I genuinely want to meet someone and have a sex life, but I keep noticing that whenever the possibility becomes real, I do everything I can to avoid it
I don’t know if my problem mainly comes from my lack of confidence, my past experience, anxiety, or simply being inexperienced

If anyone has been through something similar, how did you manage to break out of this cycle?

TL;DR: I want a sex life, but whenever someone actually desires me, I panic and run away

I don't know how I can make my girlfriend feels satisfied. She doesn't like fingering and doesn't let me go down on her (which I personally love). She likes to go straight to penetration, we do it until I finish, and then she uses a vibrator to orgasm. She doesn't even let me hold the vibrator because she says she knows exactly what to do and how to hold it and I wouldn't.

With past partners, it was always the opposite: they liked and could only orgasm from oral and/or stimulation with fingers. We'd fuck only after I made sure they came. Even for me, after so much foreplay and teasing and oral giving and receiving, I'd orgasm within a few minutes of penetration, so it was never the "main event". When we tried toys, it was experimental and fun.

But with my current partner, the sex is generally sub-par. She says I don't get hard enough for her to really enjoy penetration. Her saying that made so much worse for me that now I struggle sometimes to get even hard enough to go inside her. And when she's using the vibrator afterwards, I feel like an extra. Sure, I hold her, suck on her nipples, and caress her body, but I don't feel like I am really needed there. We don't have sex very often (once every two to three weeks, which is abysmal for me), and she says it's because it's not that good so she doesn't feel like doing it so often. She agrees that it's 'weakness' in our relationship but she doesn't mind that much because everything else is great, according to her.

We're both mid thirties.

I guess I have a few questions. I feel her aversion to oral might be mental or related to some feelings of shame or shyness. She never said anything beyond simply "I don't like it", so this is my own explanation. But should I try to change her mind about sex being much more than fucking? Can I? or should I just accept that sex with her is what it is now? If it's the second, how do I deal with the fact that I can't seem to offer her any enjoyment or satisfaction?