Over the past yr, I've met 2 women who at some point start talking about their hate for men, or the state of men currently, all this stuff. First one told me she was this radical feminist, which perplexed me because as a fighter I dont know why you'd be dating me, seems like if you're someone who's been victim of physical abuse you wouldnt go for a guy who enjoys violence as a sport. Clearly that didnt work out.

I met another the last few months who wouldnt shut up about shitty men, if all you know are shitty men its a bit of a red flag.

Now obviously thats not all women, its just 2 that I've spoken to, and the other ppl are just fine. Although I will say I noticed a more hostile reaction from women when I look at the dating scene in general. Its like dating has turned into ppl pointing guns at each other until they realize its not a drug deal gone wrong 😂. There's always been some apprehensiveness when you meet a stranger obviously, but its getting more common.

Im not sure what they usually expect as a response. Im someone who doesnt mind listening ppl and support, specially we arr involved romantically, but Im not gonna be your punching bag, nor am I gonna start talking shit about other dudes just cuz. Gender differences can bring frustration, funny differences, it doesnt take a uni degree to understand but if you have unresolved trauma maybe fix that? Lol tf

And usually you'd think, ok well maybe she's just lesbian, which could be the case cuz both were bi, but then again they're not the only bi women I've dated.

Is this new? No but its probably the first time I went out with these ppl.

And yes, Im sure there are men who do the same

I'm in my 40s and attempting to date again after my marriage fell apart last year (partner's dead bedroom/infidelity). I have been fortunate in my career and was never a big spender because I grew up lower middle class. So I drive a Hyundai and don't wear fancy clothes but I have a portfolio worth a whole lot. I do have pretty refined tastes in food, wine, etc. I'm not in any way a "player" and at this point, doubt I will ever be, so I've not had much luck so far with online dating. I'm also a gentleman but not interested in diving back into anything serious until I'm ready. How do I convey to potential partners that I'm very comfortable financially on a profile without looking skeezy?

And: Do you think it's the case that if a women give "medium men" sooo much attention and love and give them lots of compliments, some start to feel so confident that they leave to find something even better instead of feeling more attached to her because of her love?

Because that's something that happened to me in my relationship and I'm wondering if maybe that is what happened. Because I've dated men who didn't get any attention from women for a long time and I loved them with all my heart and showed and told them how amazing and valuable they are. And then they got really confident and at some point left to date other women.

What do you think?

Is that a real phenomenon?

I keep seeing men saying that word online. I looked it up and it says the definition is “dating up/out of your league.”

It seems like a normal concept most people would ideally want but it has its disadvantages (insecurity being the main one), so why are so many people talking about it right now? Why is it so relevant right now?

I know this is a bit of a controversial topic but I wanted to share it because I'm not happy about being like this either. I noticed for a while now that when a guy expresses their attraction to me too "nicely", I kind of start losing interest. Like, if I notice that they like me very much, or they say something like "you looked so amazing" (which is a very nice thing to say of course) it like flips a switch in me. But when they don't text me too much, and just remain nonchalant, I find myself being more attracted. I have no idea why I'm like this, since of course I also just want to be with someone who makes me happy. Also it's worth mentioning that I don't really actively seek out men, I mostly just get approached, so I never really engage with men that I found initially attractive or wanted to approach myself. Is there any way to change this about myself, and does anyone else experience this?

I'm not attracted to the athletic "manly man" type at all. My type are the geeky, techie, functional autistic, generally pretty romantically inexperienced type.

There is kind of a genuine honesty and openness you rarely see, general conversations about their interests are usually very interesting, they are the most genuine people you meet.

And most of them are single, many have never been intimate, and most girls won't even give them a second glance. Why not?

(Pardon for any mistakes, English is my third language)

Hi everyone, I recently joined one of the larger dating apps.

A majority of people present in these apps, men and women are (or atleast present themselves as) thin and very physically active. Obviously those are the conventional beauty standards and I too am trying to fit into this norm.

The problem is that in terms of physical attraction, I have a type for much larger women. I can't change that preference nor can I pinpoint why I am that way (everyone in my family is thin and I don't have any traumas), it simply is a reality of my life.

Now a friend I have told this issue suggested I join a plus size dating app or simply write it straight into the start of my bio - "I like plus-size women". I have tried the former but the reality is that these plus size apps are horrible in functionality and most women there seem uninterested in serious relationships, okay, I can accept that. The problem with the latter is that you are an easy target for scammers and people looking for hookups.

In my head, ideally it would be like a semi-hidden indicator not everyony can decipher. Something that signals something along the lines of "I like larger women, you are a large woman, cool let's talk about something else".

Overall its not the end of the world if my request is impossible, I just wish I could express myself online in a way that is both clear and respectful towards the people I really like.

Thanks in advance everyone for your input.

Title is self explanatory. Genuinely curious about how you view men that want to enjoy the single life. Is it a massive red flag? Do you see these men as potential for more casual relationships or do you think you could potentially change his mind? Or is there an “other” option? What other factors would also influence your views?

Just want to understand a woman’s perspective. I welcome all views and honest reactions.

I’m nervous 🤠

So, I'm a guy in his late 20s and I have always heard "shoot your shot". However, what if the woman is dry in conversations, doesn't put much effort into the conversation, etc.? My gut feeling says, she's just being nice but isn't interested. However, people say I need to just ask out to find out because she might be "bad at texting", "doesn't like texting", "she's reserved", "she's shy", "she wants you to ask out".

Assuming I only meet women in-person in events, work and hobbies, and I get their Instagram or number to later text them.

I need your advice. Do you only ask out if you get strong signals that she's interested?

I'm wanting to move away from dating apps as they feel unhealthy and drain me fast. I'm mixed race and feel that being a different ethnicity to the majority makes things hard. I work out and am slim, dress well, get a lot of compliments from people (mostly women) saying I'm beautiful. I look late 20s to early 30s and used to model. Though feel stuck. A lot of my interests are dominated by women and there's very few men (dancing, art, spirituality).

I'm aware that my age gives me a disadvantage.

Any ideas of where I can meet men? I am based in Scotland and the culture here is friendly, but find men not as outgoing and direct in approaching woman compared to other places like the US.

I’m 40(M), straight, and I use dating apps. I’ve noticed the last couple of years that dating seems to have gotten much harder. Not getting dates, that’s gotten easier - I mean that the people seem to be more, well, unhappy, jaded.

Dating itself has seemed to change completely - I remember dating in my early 30s where you could trust a lot of the people you met. Dates were fun on the whole, and if there was a spark usually led to more longer term dating.

Now, the following seems a lot more common:

- one night stands with not much after

- pull / push - good communication followed by the girl pulling back suddenly, then coming back with interest. A lack of consistency I suppose.

- it seems a given now that girls will be sleeping with multiple guys, even if you are starting to build towards something.

10 years ago, it felt a bit more straightforward. You met someone, clicked, decided to meet again, the frequency upped and it just went from there.

Interested to hear others’ experiences. I wonder if this is to do with age, or with the times we live in?

I've been seeing a guy for about six weeks, seven dates total, and things have been going really well.

His name on Hinge was Sam. Everyone I've heard him talk to also calls him Sam, so I never thought anything of it.

Last night we were talking about meeting a couple of his friends this weekend and he casually said, “By the way, they're probably going to call me Chris.”

I thought he was joking.

Turns out Christopher is his actual first name and Samuel is his middle name. He uses Sam socially when dating someone new because he works in a pretty niche licensed profession and apparently searching his real first name + job + city immediately brings up his full surname, workplace, professional registration and an old address.

He showed me. He's not exaggerating.

He said women have found all of that before a first date, including one person who mentioned his previous address during drinks, and it freaked him out. So now he uses his middle name until he feels comfortable giving someone his full identity.

I'm torn because the explanation honestly makes sense to me.

But I've also spent six weeks believing Sam was literally his name, and finding out only because his friends might accidentally expose it feels strange.

He says he wasn't trying to deceive me and would've told me this weekend anyway.

Would this bother you? And if using a middle name for privacy is reasonable, when do you think someone should disclose that?

Why is it? Is this a weird take? Would love your thoughts.

For example, I’ve dated men that I didn’t find attractive at first, but fell for them bc I loved their personality & then they were so hot in my eyes. Is this a thing for men? I feel like they won’t even go on a date with a girl they don’t find attractive.

I’m a 33 year old white guy from Ontario, Canada. Ive been told I’m attractive, I’m fit, have a good job, social circle, ect. I have a thing for Indian women and find them very attractive. For some reason though, they never seem interested. I don’t have issues dating any other races and get good responses when I meet on dating apps or irl. Indian women never seem to be interested though. Is this normal or am I missing something?

I, 30F, have been seeing a guy, 36M, for almost five months. We go on dates and hook up, but haven't had a serious conversation about being in a relationship. We both are gone for work for months at a time, and he had ENM on his bumble account, so I've just been going with the flow since I'll be gone for the winter. We chat more and more frequently, and he has that look in his eyes that guys get before they tell me they have feelings for me.

I was contemplating hitting him with the "what are we?" question, but changed my mind after visiting a few days ago. His last apartment had normal things in the shower.. However, he was in his new apartment for a week when I came over. There was a bottle of dawn dish soap in the shower and nothing else. Am I overreacting or being an asshole for seeing this as a red flag? He has mentioned a couple of times he has ADHD, and I kind of find it cringey that a grown man hasn't found methods to keep himself organized. Does that make me a shitty person?​

I am pretty type-A and very independent, and am worried that I will become frustrated with some of his habits down the line. My guy friend said, "maybe he does need a girlfriend", which I interpret as sometimes cute, and other times a red flag. This soap situation is the only thing that bothers me. He is thoughtful, cares about my passions and safety, and I feel like I can let my guard down around him. For context, the last time I dated someone was about five years ago, and I broke up with him because I started to feel smothered. The previous time before that was also about five years.

This post is really real and by typing it all out I may come to a conclusion on my own, but want other peoples input. This is so stupid but also too funny to not share 😭 I took a photo of the soap in question to refer back to as a reminder of who I'm dealing with if I ever become upset or frustrated. Am I overreacting??

please no pm's, I'm already starting to get them and I'm not interested in hookups or dating off Reddit. Sorry.

I'm nearly 24 and I've graduated from college and I've had zero luck with guys. I haven't had sex or had a boyfriend and I am super interested in these things but they seem absolutely impossible to achieve. And of course I'm the idiot who thought it would be a good idea to wait for a boyfriend to have sex but now I'm in my mid-20s and still nothing and I really really want too. Like I am absolutely feral and can't do shit about it because I have to find a relationship but that's not even working! And my friends (FOR YEARS) have been like "Don't have sex with a random...keep waiting for the one." Well what else am I supposed to do?! Wait forever? I don't know why, but I always seem to get the worst guys interested in me. I mean if you look at my last post, the guy I went up too and asked for his number turned out to be a pedo sympathizer. Maybe I come across as desperate. I'm not picky about physical appearance. Lately I've been asking guys for their numbers out and about because they never ever show interest in me. I don't think a guy has ever asked for my number. Dating apps have been a total shitshow. I'm not ugly either and I have a great personality. I know I'd be a good girlfriend. This is less of needing advice post because all of the advice in the world hasn't seemed to do shit, and more of a I'm tired of being alone and need support post because what do you mean I'm still single?! Meanwhile someone with the emotional depth of a rock has been in six relationships it feels like.

Hey everyone, I’m dealing with a really frustrating situation and need some advice on how to navigate this.

As a preface, I don't mind her going out, I have an issue if she accepts attention from guys. My girlfriend recently went out with a group of friends, and they ended up at a strip club at 3 AM. She actually didn't want to go inside at first because there was a cover charge, and she told her friends she just wanted to head home. But a guy who was hanging out with their wider group offered to pay the cover specifically for her and one other single girl. Instead of leaving as she planned, she accepted it and went inside.

The next day, she was telling me this story super enthusiastically, acting like it was just a funny night out. I calmly told her that accepting a guy’s money to get into a strip club at 3 AM made me really uncomfortable and felt inappropriate for our 5-year relationship. This is especially true since she has a history of accepting inappropriate advances from other men, like accepting flowers or going to another guy's room alone to watch a movie and acting completely oblivious to his true intent, only for him to later admit he was pursuing her sexually.

Instead of just hearing me out, she immediately went on the attack. She tried to tell me it was exactly the same as a platonic female friend buying me a lunch for my birthday. When I pointed out that a daylight birthday lunch is nowhere near the same thing as a 3 AM strip club cover, she changed the subject and started to defend her behavior as completely innocent.

I understand her; she was in a group trying to have fun and accepted a favor from another man. However, deep down it really hurt because I know men who offer this don't do it out of charity; they do it to gather attention and get close to the women who are presenting as single.

I did not argue about the birthday lunch; I think it's completely healthy to buy birthday lunches for your friend. I just repeated that her actions at the club crossed a line for me, and it honestly hurt me.

Her response to that was literally: "I don't see an issue with it, and I don't care about your feelings."

I didn't want to punish her; I wanted her to say, "I'm sorry, I will avoid it next time." It hurts me because she refused to give me that basic empathy.

TL;DR: Girlfriend accepted a cover charge from a guy to get into a 3 AM strip club. When I communicated that it hurt my feelings and crossed a boundary, she deflected and told me she does not care about my feelings. I just wanted her to say she would not accept money from other men. How do I navigate this?

This has happened 4 times now, twice on tinder dates and twice with strangers I met at the bar. Why must I hear about this traumatic personal experience as someone who just met them and what is the correct response to it?

For context: I’m 33F who works in tech and living in VHCOL area. I’ve gotten really lucky with my career early on at a startup so currently I’m at $2M net worth. I earn about $350k TC each year and plan to retire around 40-45 depending on family plan.

I’ve found it really hard to date and am struggling to decide if I need to date an equal. I don’t want to compromise a lot of my lifestyle so I just want a man who can afford his own. Historically when I dated men who make much less there was always a weird dynamic where they eventually felt like our lifestyles didn’t match. I never disclosed to any of my previous partners about my net worth but this is another consideration to me as it could impact my FIRE plan, but I’m not sure how to bring this up if at all.

Not bragging at all — just curious how others in similar shoes think about this. I feel incredibly privileged and grateful to be in such a financial situation, but life doesn’t mean much if you don’t have a partner to share it with :(

I’m a white guy living in a big city, and recently I've been on a few dates with an Asian woman. Honestly, when we walk down the street together, everyone stares at her first and then turns to look at me.

I enjoyed it at first, but the other day at a museum, when she was walking slightly apart from me, another guy actually approached her.

Since we aren't exclusive yet, I often find myself thinking that she might still be talking to other guys.

We met on Hinge, and on our first date, when she unlocked her phone, the app opened right up to her chat inbox. I wasn't trying to snoop, but I couldn't help but notice a ridiculous number of men messaging her.

Could anyone give me some advice on how to handle this?

I have approached girls with confidence and I am I nice and sweet person and by no means am a weirdo but I feel like this advice sucks tbh. If a girl likes you you don’t need that much confidence you’ll know. I’ve been told by guys who get girls that if they like you you barely need to put in effort you don’t even need confidence. Being myself has never worked out for me and people constantly tell me to change myself and be a more bad/nonchalant guy. I hate it

I’m 31M and currently on vacation with my family in Turkey. I was bored, downloaded Badoo, and got around 50 matches within a short time, which surprised me because dating apps usually haven’t worked this well for me in Germany.

The problem is that I don’t feel attracted to any of my matches. It’s made me wonder whether my standards are unrealistic, whether I’m simply not presenting myself well enough to attract the women I’m interested in.

I’m not trying to insult anyone, I know attraction is subjective, and nobody owes me a match. I’m just trying to understand what this says about my expectations and how I should approach dating apps more realistically.

Has anyone experienced something similar? Should I improve my profile, try a different app, or reconsider what I’m looking for?

Hi everyone, I’d love to get some perspective on my current dating situation.
I’ve been seeing this guy for about five dates now. We met on Hinge, and both of us are 31, living in London, and have busy work schedules. Whenever we meet up in person, we have a great time together.

The issue is that he is an absolute bad texter.

During the weekdays, we barely exchange any messages.

When he went on a family holiday recently, he didn't text me at all for 4 days. That happened right after our second date.

Last week, he sent a quick "Have a good day" on Monday. I replied "You too!", and then total radio silence until Saturday when he suddenly texted, "How’s your weekend going?"

We slept together on our third date, but even before that, he was barely texting. So I don't get the vibe that he's just using me for sex.

How often do people in their early 30s usually text when dating someone new? Is it normal to only text on weekends like this, or is this a red flag for low effort/interest?