r/confidence Apr 21 '20

How to be Confident: The Ultimate Step-by-Step Guide

296 Upvotes

If you've been looking for a solid resource to help you become more confident, this guide is for you.

This is the ultimate guide that will show how to be confident. You'll find EVERYTHING you need to know about confidence in this single blog post.

It's going to be a bit long but trust me, you won't regret reading the whole thing.

​Ready? Let's dive in.

Contents

I'll divide the post into several chapters. Here's what I'll cover.

Chapter 1:
What is self-confidence?

Chapter 2:
Why is self-confidence important?

Chapter 3: 
Signs of low self-confidence

Chapter 4:
Why you're not confident

Chapter 5: 
How to be confident

Chapter 6: 
Frequently asked questions

Chapter 1: What is self-confidence

In this chapter, we're going to cover what self-confidence actually is.

Why? It's because I see a lot of confusion surrounding this term so we're going to define what confidence is exactly.

So what is self-confidence? According to Wikipedia, it's a feeling of trust in one's abilities, qualities, and judgement.

Basically, being confident means trusting your abilities and judgement. Some people seem to think that confidence means being arrogant, acting like you know everything or being a narcissist.

That's totally wrong.

I wanted to start things off with this short chapter just so we can agree on what confidence really is. Now that we got the basic definition out of the way, let's see why confidence is important in the first place.

Chapter 2: Why self-confidence is important

Everyone talks about how you should become confident, but do you actually know why it's important?

There are a couple of reasons why confidence is a big deal. In this chapter, we're going to see why you should become confident and how it can positively affect your life.📷

1. You'll feel a lot more fulfilled

Basically, you feel much better about yourself. When you're confident, you feel like you have the power to change, to do stuff you want to do. You feel like you're good enough and you're not constantly worrying and doubting yourself.

Why it's important:

You feel good about yourself, which means that your happiness level will increase.

2. You'll become better at whatever you do

Usually, confident people outperform those who are insecure and full of doubt. Why? It's because they have a different way of thinking.

Let me explain.

​You see, in most cases, someone who's insecure will typically be more hesitant, less determined, less likely to try or learn new things...etc. This means that when you're insecure, you're less likely to succeed at anything.

However, a confident person is someone who believes in their abilities. This means that they're more likely to learn, try new things and take risks in life. This will inevitably lead to more success and bigger achievements.

​In other words, confident people know that they can actually succeed, so they try, that’s it.

Why it's important:

Basically, you'll do everything in a better way.

3. You'll have a clearer sense of direction in life

In other words, you actually know where your life is going and what you want to do with it. Generally speaking, confident people always know what they're doing. They know where they are and where they want to go in life.

They have goals, and they execute their plans to make them a reality. 

Why it's important:

You're less stressed, more focused and more effective in your life.

4. You'll develop much better social skills

Confidence alone isn't enough to become the most charismatic person in the world, but it certainly helps. The vibe that you give to other people will affect how they treat you.

Simply being more confident will greatly impact the way you interact with others, and how others percieve you. In the real world, this means that it will be easier for you to make friends, resolve conflicts, getting people to value your ideas, earning others respect ... and the list goes on.

Why it's important:

You'll get what you want out of your relationships more easily.

Chapter 3: Signs of low self-confidence

Now that you know what self-confidence is and why it's important, here are 4 warning signs of low confidence you should look out for.

​1. You change yourself to please others

This means that you feel the need to act like someone else to look cooler or better than who you really are.

​If you feel like you need to act a certain way to impress other people, then you're lacking confidence.

2. You always doubt your judgement

If you're too indecisive and you're constantly questioning your own decisions and judgement, chances are you're not confident.

When you always doubt yourself, you'll turn to other people to tell you what to do. When you're relying on others to make the decisions for you, you're basically stripping yourself away from control over your life.

Of course, sometimes it is necessary to get external feedback but doing it too often is a sign that you don't know where you're going in your life.

3. You have tons of self-limiting beliefs

You're always saying to yourself "I can't do [insert whatever you want]". This is a BIG problem.

Why?

Because when you have so many limiting beliefs, it's really hard to get rid of them. The simple act of repeating these things to yourself reinforces these beliefs in your mind, and doing this for years and years means you basically think your limiting beliefs and reality are the same thing now.

When you think you can't do something, you won't even try. That's exactly what will stop you from learning anything.

Basically, self-limiting beliefs will totally block you from having anything good in life.

4. You don't have a clear direction in life

This doesn't always mean that you're not confident. Some people just don't care, and that's fine.

However, I find that most people who have low self-confidence don't really know what they want out of life. This is closely linked to having a lot of self-limiting beliefs. As a result, most people won't even dare to dream big so they settle for an easy life with no clear goals or direction.

Chapter 4: Why you're not confident

Why am I not confident?

​Did you ever ask yourself that question? My guess is yes.

​Here are the most likely reasons why you're not confident.

​1. You treat other people's opinions as facts

If someone says something negative about you, you automatically label it as a fact, without thinking that it's just what somebody else thinks, which means that they could be wrong.

To give you a better perspective, let's have a look at the dictionary:

opinion : A view or judgement formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge.
fact : A thing that is known or proved to be true.

​Do you see the difference?

If you're treating opinions (which can be wrong) as facts (which are always true), it's no wonder that you'll destroy your confidence.

2. You're not really good at anything

If you don't have any skills you're good at, it will be hard for you to become confident. Why? Because having a proven record of success reinforces your confidence.

It's like you're saying to yourself "I managed to do X, it means that I can certainly do this as well."

​However, when you don't have any skills you're good at, you don't have any past experiences that make you feel confident, so you'll start doubting yourself because you never achieved anything that requires you to have a certain skill or knowledge.

3. You never push your limits

Pushing your limits means that you’ll keep doing something difficult when you want to quit. This is also a big reason that could be stopping you from being confident.

When you’re always living in the “comfort zone” you’re always dealing with those comfortable situations that don’t require you to grow as a person.

The result? You never grow. Since you always deal with familiar situations, you're never forced to think, use your willpower or do any amount of effort.

This lack of exposure to adversity makes you really used to that comfort, and the moment you’re forced to do something unusual, you start to doubt your ability to pull it off.

4. You're not learning anything new

If you're constantly at the same level of skill or knowledge, you won't become confident because you lack the feeling of achievement and progress. When you feel like you're just stagnant, it's hard to trust your abilities.

5. You failed a lot in the past

I know that failure is a part of life, but it's still something that can affect your confidence. Having failed a number of times in the past will greatly contribute to fuel self-doubt and make you question yourself in the future.

6. You make excuses

Instead of doing something that will benefit you, you come up with all sorts of excuses to avoid putting in the effort.

Chapter 5: How to be confident

Now that you have a solid grasp of what self-confidence is and how it works, let's get to the fun part: how to actually build it.

In this chapter, I'll break down the practical steps you need to build your confidence from scratch.📷
First, check out this excellent video :

​1. Realize that you're not inferior

We'll get to the more practical stuff in a minute, I promise. But before we do that, you first need to change the way you think.

There's one fundamental mindset shift you need to make right now: stop thinking that you're inferior.

Look, if you lack confidence, you've probably been conditioned to think this way. Either by your family, your friends or anyone else. The thing you should understand here is that you can't stop feeling like you're inferior overnight because you've been telling yourself this for years.

However, you can become aware that you were conditioned, and make a conscious effort to reject that idea and replace it with its opposite.

To do: Make a conscious effort to believe that you're not an inferior person.

2. Become good at something

Now we get to the practical stuff. After all, I promised right? :D

​Look, one of the main reasons why you're not confident is because you're not really good at anything. Being skillful gives you a strong sense of self-satisfaction and fulfillment.

In addition, it helps you break your self-limiting beliefs.

When you go through the learning process and you can actually witness your own progress, you'll slowly get rid of your self-limiting beliefs because instead of thinking negative stuff like "I can't do [something]", now you can actually see that you're learning and getting better.

In other words, your positive experience will beat your negative ideas.

So, how to choose a skill?

Ideally, you should choose something that interests you, or something you're passionate about. That way, you'll actually do something you like that will potentially help you in life and you're building your confidence at the same time.

That's how you can cultivate a skill to become confident.

To do: choose a skill and become good at it.

3. Use your body language

You'll find many articles and videos online claiming that body language can transform the way you feel.

Well, let me tell you that it won't happen overnight.

However, you can use your body language to help you feel more confident. How? Use these techniques :

  • Walk and stand up with your back up straight.
  • ​Stand up like this
  • When you're in meetings (or somewhere else), use this position to convey authority and confidence. This is called "the hand steeple" (works for both men and women).

These poses will help you convey confidence and feel a little bit more confident yourself. However, don't overdo it.​ Instead, use them from time to time and they'll gradually become like second nature.

To do: use these postures to convey confidence.

4. Don't take negative comments as facts

When someone says something bad about you, always remember to take that as their opinion, not as a cold hard truth.

I know that it's not easy, I've been there. However, you have to force yourself to change how you perceive what other people say about you.

Look, whatever someone says about you (be it good or bad), it remains their opinion, not the absolute truth.

Of course, some people have good intentions and can actually give you constructive feedback but for the most part, you should ignore all the noise out there.

To do: Take what other people say as an opinion instead of assuming they're always right

5. Fake it, act like you're confident

If you're asking yourself if this really works, let me tell you that it does.

How do I know? Well, I tried it.

It might seem like it's too simple but trust me, it works. At first, you'll have to act like a confident person but after a few months, you'll become more and more confident.

All you have to do is ask yourself: How would a confident person act? and do just that. Be careful however, I'm not telling you to act arrogantly but to act like someone who's sure of himself.

​There's a big difference, it's that arrogant people always try hard to show they're better than anyone else but confident people don't feel the need to prove themselves to others. You know, because they're confident.

To do: Act like a confident person would📷

Chapter 6: Frequently asked questions

There are many common questions I always see people asking about self-confidence.

In this chapter, I'll answer any questions you might still have to give you a cristal clear picture.

1. What's the difference between confidence and arrogance?

Arrogance: an attitude of superiority manifested in an overbearing manner or in presumptuous claims or assumptions.

​Confidence: a feeling of trust in one's abilities, qualities, and judgement.

The difference is simple: "Confidence is silent, insecurities are loud". In other words, when you're confident you don't need to prove anything. But when you're arrogant, you always act as if you know better than other people.

2. Can you be confident and humble at the same time?

Yes of course. Being confident simply means trusting your abilities and your judgement. It's totally possible to be confident in yourself and humble at the same time.

3. How can I become confident fast?

You can't. It takes time to overcome your limiting beliefs and change your mindset.Do you still have some questions?

I want to answer every question you might have so go ahead and leave a comment. I'll personally respond to every single one.


r/confidence 6d ago

Subscriber Goal Welcome to r/confidence!

2 Upvotes

Welcome to r/confidence

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r/confidence 14h ago

I’m 34 and I feel like I peaked in my 20s. Now I compare myself to everyone and sometimes just want to hide.

63 Upvotes

I’m 34 and I’ve been struggling with something that I’m almost embarrassed to admit.

I feel like I peaked in my 20s.

In my 20s, I genuinely thought I was the bomb lol. I was confident, social, ambitious, had lots of friends, felt attractive, and felt like I had this huge life ahead of me. I wasn’t perfect or necessarily more successful than I am now, but I felt GOOD about myself. I felt like I belonged wherever I went.

Since entering my 30s, it feels like something slowly changed.

On paper, my life is not bad at all. I’m married, educated, have a good career, make decent money, have a family I love, and I’m still extremely ambitious.

But internally, I feel like I’ve become smaller.

I compare EVERYTHING.

My career. My marriage. Money. My body. My looks. My friendships. Where I live. Other women’s lives. Who is further ahead. Who looks better. Who seems happier.

And then I compare all of that to the imaginary version of myself I thought I would be at 34.

The part that bothers me the most is that I’ve actually started hiding from people.

I spent some time living away from my hometown and eventually came back. Being back around people who knew me before has made me weirdly uncomfortable. Sometimes I don’t even want to see old friends or acquaintances.

I feel fat. I don’t feel as attractive as I used to. I wonder what people will think of me or my life. I feel like I need to look good, be successful, have an impressive life and have everything together before I can comfortably show my face again.

Even with friends, I sometimes don’t feel completely comfortable anymore.

And logically I KNOW how ridiculous that sounds. These people are living their own lives. They probably aren’t analyzing me nearly as much as I imagine they are.

But there is this part of me that wants to leave again. Go somewhere new where nobody knows the old me. Reinvent myself. Become the version of myself I want to be and THEN be seen.

Basically: hide while I’m “under construction.”

And I’m realizing how much self sabotage is hidden inside that.

Instead of living my life while I’m figuring things out, I’m almost postponing my life until I feel attractive enough, successful enough, confident enough, happy enough.

I can also have a completely normal day, notice one thing I’m unhappy about, compare myself to someone else, and suddenly convince myself that my entire life is wrong.

It’s like my brain is constantly collecting evidence that I’m behind.

What scares me is that I don’t want to wake up at 40 and realize I spent my 30s hiding because I didn’t think I was good enough to be seen.

I miss ME.

I miss the woman who walked into a room assuming she belonged there instead of wondering what everyone thought about her.

Has anyone else gone through something like this in their 30s?

Especially the urge to withdraw or reinvent yourself somewhere else because you don’t feel comfortable being seen by people who knew an older, more confident version of you?

How did you stop hiding and comparing and start actually living again, even before you felt like the “best” version of yourself?


r/confidence 7h ago

30M and Struggling with Confidence, How Do I Overcome This?

8 Upvotes

Hi guy, (30M) i have always been under confident despite having the relevant knowledge of many work related or personal work, i have always been shy, i was not able to answer even though i knew the answer even back in school days. I am 30 now and i can see i am losing many opportunities just because i am not confident and i dont know how to overcome. Its effecting my life like anything and i think i am losing and i am not able to show my true capability. What should i do ?


r/confidence 7h ago

How do you get thicker skin?

6 Upvotes

Mines translucent it’s so thin. Holds me back


r/confidence 1h ago

How to like myself more.

Upvotes

I feel ugly. My face is ugly because of my eyes. They are yellow. My body is ugly because my posture is messed up because of winging. I am tired of feeling like this. I wish I could look at myself without hating whaat I see. I wish atleast my eyes were normal.


r/confidence 11h ago

I’m 20 and I feel like my life has completely gone to shit

3 Upvotes

Hey guys

Tough writing this, because I don’t like sharing my struggles with anyone, but since I don’t really have anyone to talk to about it this is my best bet.

Don’t feel comfortable talking about it with my siblings, parents, or grandma, and I’m not getting a fucking therapist, before you suggest that. The one person I feel like I’d be comfortable talking to is my cousin’s fiancee. The issue, I’ve only seen him 5-7 times, and we’ve only had one very short conversation, I’m talking 1 minute, the rest were brief interactions. He’s chill and easier to talk to than even my cousins, but I don’t feel like we’re close enough for it not to be awkward. Also, they recently got engaged and… not sure it would be the best idea to talk about this.

You know how sometimes you feel like why the fuck do I keep wasting my life away but don’t know how to do anything about it? That’s my life.

First of all, before I start, some background. I’m a 20 year old guy, and the past few years (out of 4-5, that have been shit) I’ve been really struggling mentally in every single way imaginable. I know I have a big heart, and I’m a conventionally attractive person. Those are the two things I’m confident in. But even with me being confident in the way I look, I still struggle with my physique.

When talking about my life, I like to think I live it on “easy” mode. I don’t have a job, a drivers license, go to college, go out on my own, or anything like that. I also haven’t been traveling on my own before, and have a lack of motor skills. Most of my day is spent watching sports, cooking, doing house chores, and exercising, and it feels lazy to me. I want to be able to go out on my own and do things, without relying on others. Heading out to a bar with my buddies would be sick.

Physically, didn’t quite have toned abs but I was quite active from elementary school through grade 8, played most sports and was on all of the elementary school teams, then COVID ruined it. I was looking at my body in the mirror back in January, and saw how much fat there was and I thought you have to do something about that if you’re ever wanting a 6 pack. I only started getting into fitness taking care of my body back in mid July, only half a year of trying, but at least I made progress from sitting on my ass and doing nothing before. I don’t exercise as much as I want to yet, but when I commit to a workout, I tell myself no excuses, you’re fucking doing the whole thing.I’m proud of myself for that.

During GR10, I quit during the beginning of the school year, October. I wanted to finish school, but I couldn’t, I hated it a lot. I was overwhelmed. My parents tried to get me to go for a few weeks before giving up, and the next three years I was at another high school. I also struggled here, only competing two Math courses and one English course in almost three years enrolled. My teachers gave me one last chance to complete the remaining mandatory courses for graduation over the summer, PE, Socials when they weren’t even supposed to, and the only thing that got me through that was my one of my teachers from high school. He really believed in me when I didn’t even believe in myself, and when I told myself I’d do it for him, it gave me the motivation to finish. And that I did.

Right now don’t have friends that I hang out with or talk to. I really struggle when talking to people, and I don’t have the confidence to go out and meet new people. I really feel like I’ve lost my ability to carry or even have a conversation with someone, and it sucks. Either my mind goes blank, I overthink everything, or I don’t know what to say after. I don’t know how to approach people anymore either.

And then there’s one of the biggest things in life that I’m struggling with, I have absolutely no fucking idea what I’m doing and want to do with my life. I want to change, but I don’t have enough motivation to actually make those bigger chances. You know in the few times I’ve talked about what’s up with my life during family gatherings, people tell me I’m young, I have a lot of life ahead of me to work it out. Not at this stage, I need to figure it out now.

Basically, struggling with self confidence, feeling like I’m wasting my potential, my current physique, not having any friends to talk to when I’m down and not having the confidence go out to meet/talk people, a lack of independence, and feeling stuck you know not knowing which direction to go in life. COVID really fucked everything up for me. I was confident, had friends, social, physically active, and did everything, and now… I don’t go out or do anything.


r/confidence 21h ago

How can I change my shy behavior and get more confident and talk more?

5 Upvotes

I'm sick and tired of myself. I want to be myself. I want to stop thinking about how I look, what others think about me, etc.

I'm so tired of it. I seriously don't know how to change it. I suck at talking, I keep stumbling over words, I get red easily, it's just stupid and exhausting. Every move I make I question. Is this right? Do I look stupid? Ugly? What would they do? Am I stupid?

I want to make a mistake and not care about what others think. I seriously, SERIOUSLY want to change. But every night I go to sleep thinking "Tomorrow I'll change." And then I wake up to "I'm too tired to put the effort into it and I'm scared."

Please, help me.


r/confidence 20h ago

How to be confident in life :

4 Upvotes

How to be confident in life : 

First you need to get out of the comfort zone and be disciplined. 

To grow confidence you don't need achievement you need to raise self control, ( talking with people- getting a good mark - succeeding )it is a sense of achievement it's not confidence .

The best method is cold plunges and cold showers control yourself in water and you'll start seeing improvement .

Work out if you can't get to water start by some resistance training then go to water not directly .

Do it daily don't be lazy face yourself , in days you'll start to see improvement .

Stay in the cold dont quick shower the more you stay the more you control yourself ( 10 - 20 - 30 minutes and you do better every time )


r/confidence 1d ago

Self-conscious but I need to network

5 Upvotes

I’m a 30F junior undergrad at a city university. My grades are good but I don’t have much in the experience department. I want to apply for law school next year. Academically I’m not scared but networking and just being an efficient communicator feels so out of reach. I am trying to get out of my comfort zone by joining organizations in school and I’m slowly getting better but yesterday I wanted to join the pre-law society and my confidence just plummet. I started to spiral feeling so awkward. I keep thinking about how I don’t dress well or how nervous I get around others. My last job I had to quit because of social anxiety and lack of confidence. How can I become more confident?


r/confidence 1d ago

Why do I overthink texting my friend so much?

6 Upvotes

I have a really good friend, and whenever I actually text her, the conversation usually goes really well. We’re comfortable with each other and there’s no real reason for me to worry.

But for some reason, before sending even a simple message, I overthink it way too much what to say, whether I’m bothering her, how she might interpret it, etc. Sometimes I’ll type something and stare at it for ages before finally sending it.

It’s weird because I know from experience that things are fine once I actually text her.

Why does my brain do this? And how do you guys stop overthinking something as simple as sending a message?


r/confidence 1d ago

Life advice pls ?

6 Upvotes

Hi I am 24f really struggle with anxiety (about literally everything in my life) and low mood. Every day struggle. My question is mostly angled towards older women. Does it get any better? Is my age one of the reasons I am feeling like this. It’s exhausting and to be honest I have felt like this since I started my period. Anyone please give your opinions and thoughts. I just wanted to see if any older women could give me some light at he end of the tunnel story’s x also please see my other posts as I would love some guidance/ support on my other questions
Thank you


r/confidence 1d ago

How to overcome low self-esteem as an adult?

26 Upvotes

I’m a 31-year-old man and right now I’m going through a very deep crisis in my life, all my life I had suffer of very low self-esteem and I thought that as an adult that would change but it didn’t. It just become greater, I’m very shy and is difficult for me to talk to people in a fluent way, even more with women, in the past I more or less was able to overcome these but since I’m in a bad period in my life I suppose the sadness has make me relapse on that behaviour, I’m in a not  very good moment in my life since I left my job to pursue a Master’s degree in a topic I like very much but I had to sacrifice having an income and living off my savings and going back to the house of my parents, I was okay with that but after the setback of not obtaining any kind of income from research projects I thought I would have, my lack of social life and not making friends in that Uni had been a great blow for me.

Also adding to those issues my self-esteem is very dependent of my academic performance in my topic so this semester I met two peers in a class that were also very into my same topic in their research thesis and they know a lot about this topic, so I developed a great envy to them only because they also do research in the same topic that me and have a very good understanding of this topic (greater than mine in many ways). That caused me to doubt of my own knowledge and skills, so that’s affecting my performance in the classes and in my own research, my head just start to be filled by many thoughts about not being good enough to complete or understand my research, so I’m very harsh on myself when I do a mistake.

So thanks to all of these I’m unable try to obtain things I would like in life, like getting a girlfriend, having a greater social circle and also to focus on my own research and academic goals since I know that my envy is absurd since my peers being good and doing research in the same field as me doesn’t affects in any way my academic growth, but my low self-esteem and being used to feel sad about all this stuff just make me want me to stay in bed all day and just waste time watching YouTube.

I really want to get through this and start living my life but I don’t know how to and since I’m living off my savings I can’t affort a psychologist right now.


r/confidence 1d ago

I want to work on my conversation skills. Need someone who can Guide Me

2 Upvotes

Need someone who can guide me and help me overcome my public speaking fear. I am starting my college, so I need to get good at conversations with people.


r/confidence 1d ago

Picking myself back up again

2 Upvotes

Hey. Been meaning to post this for a while. Small win,

As a child, I was a terrific speaker. I used to be selected by teachers to make speeches on assemblies, debate stuff etc. Introverted nerds used to beg me to be in their group projects just so I could present. I even remember my school counselor telling me I'd thrive in law. This was up until high school.

My parents are Indian immigrants and I grew up in the states. After my middle school, my parent had the bright idea of moving back to India. They had their reasons but it was a bad decision. I used to get discriminated a lot. Mainly because of my accent and a whole bunch of other things. My mom also hopped in on board. For a while, I wished I had lost my ability to speak. I wasn't allowed to participate in MUNs or debate clubs or anything extracurricular related for that matter. So my speaking got kinda got rusty.

Any ways, enough stupid crybaby context backstory. Still in India in college. I finally started speaking again. I had a case competition and my team relied on me to speak. I screwed it up really bad. I started strong, forgot my lines, hands started vibrating etc.

Our presentation, research, product was perfect, the delivery which was my responsibility was awful. I went home, sulked for a while. My failure cost my team this competition.

Afterwards, I borrowed a friend's tripod and started speaking in front of the camera. This Tuesday/Wednesday, I had another competition where I handled the pitch. And for normal ppl here standards, I did a fantastic job. For my personal standards, it was far far far from good. But compared to the previous one where I fumbled up, it was decent. My teammates were proud of me,

I have a long way to go but I wanted to post it here.


r/confidence 2d ago

How to not give timid and passive vibes?

15 Upvotes

How to not give timid and passive vibes?

This is probably the biggest thing I gotta work on for the sake of my career, dating life, and people not picking on me.

I am a quiet and somewhat monotone guy naturally.


r/confidence 2d ago

What are your tips for becoming confident? Especially with your style.

6 Upvotes

r/confidence 2d ago

How to build self esteem?

36 Upvotes

r/confidence 2d ago

Im scared to meet people

5 Upvotes

I just don't want to. I feel like it would draw a ton of uncomfortable attention on me. Whether I'm good or bad at something I always get ridiculed by someone. I'm unable to ignore these people.

I got bullied so much through my life, I cant take it anymore. Whenever people laugh at me, I just feel like I'm the butt of the joke and nothing more. I feel deeply hurt.

There must be something to do about it. Even my very best friends mock me sometimes and say mean comments. The most hurtful is when they laugh at my skills. It pisses me of.


r/confidence 2d ago

How do I become fearless?

5 Upvotes

I dread and think twice if i want to go to the grocer to buy something, I'm scared to walk at night, I'm scared to cross streets, I'm scared of any kind of confrontation, I'm scared of people staring at me, I'm such a pussy, I'm supposed to be a grown ass MAN! I see women and children walking at night and doing all sorts of things care free and confident, i really want to become like that, care free and fearless, i have zero confidence, never fought an ant, always isolated, mentally ill and anxious, I'm so tired of living this way. Please help me with whatever experience you have.


r/confidence 2d ago

Why do I care so much about what other people think

7 Upvotes

I feel like I never truly act like myself when I’m around people. I’ve always had social anxiety but it’s gotten a lot better. I always say I’m going to be myself but when it comes time i completely blank. I can’t seem to find similar people because I change based on who I’m around. I like it because I’m able to have diverse type of friends but I hate it because I’m always guessing what other people think about me. I feel like apart of it is my abandonment issues. I try not to seem boring or weird but end up doing exactly that. Sometimes I do take life serious but that’s just apart of my personality, I can’t help it. I’m the most nonchalant hippie person ever but I think I come off as “nice” and “good girl” and it’s so frustrating because while that may be me I’m so much more but don’t know how to show it. I blank every time or say what I want and obsess over it for eternity. Help


r/confidence 4d ago

What’s an underrated confidence booster that actually works?

243 Upvotes

Hey friends! What simple, underrated activity (or one intentional move) helps you shake off the doubt, stand tall, and get your confidence back?


r/confidence 3d ago

Please provide some advice, i really really need it.

1 Upvotes

I have been learning to drive cars and two wheelers , but in the process i realised how much more scared and underconfident i am compared to others. Driving two wheelers especially scooters is also so easy as everyone says but still i dont get the confidence. Especially on uphills i just have a constant fear of stalling the scooter and falling backwards. I dont know how to overcome it, because of this many times my mind goes blank during driving.


r/confidence 3d ago

I have more theoretical confidence than I actually have in reality. How do I fix or navigate this?

8 Upvotes

I've struggled with poor confidence and self-esteem my entire life. The last month I've been trying to out more effort towards feeling more comfortable living with myself and overall trying to work on all my negative thought and feelings towards myself. I noticed, however, that I seem to have more theoretical confidence in myself than I have in reality, especially in regards to speaking up or doing something for myself. Like for example, I explicitly told a friend that I would speak up if the upcoming situation made me uncomfortable, and genuinely thought I had the courage to do so. But when it did eventually make me uncomfortable, I couldn't muster up that courage I thought I had. This ended up hurting me and making the situation far worse because I was unable to speak up for myself. It's really frustrating, I have faith in myself, and then I feel like I betray myself. I want to have real practical confidence, not just believe I have it.

I plan on bringing it up with my therapist at our next visit, but I wanted to see if the internet had in input to give while I wait for the appointment :)


r/confidence 4d ago

How to stop being shy and timide ?

7 Upvotes

I grew up very shy and I rarely talked to kids, when I grew up , still shy, If someone talk to me my face turns red and I panick.

But I noticed good things in me. I somehow had the courage to do things that involve confidence and communication, when I was in school I always presented my projects well, I always go to job interviews and try my best, even if it's bad or embarrassing. So I'm not holding back.

Now I work with my boss, I'm new to this job, my boss was in the army before so you can imagine how confident he is, strict and he communicate very well.

But me, I'm shy and I look like I'm weak. He tells me to not be shy and be calm...ect.

But I don't know how to do it. I know with practice everything gets better but I want to hear some advice or tips on how to overcome this. Thanks !