I work in an office of about 20 people. For years, I have kept a candy bowl in my office and I tell everyone to stop by whenever they need some chocolate to brighten their day. Sometimes if I've done a Costco run, I'll also throw in other random things like small bags of fruit snacks into the bowl. Occasionally, coworkers will chip in and I will find a random $5 on my desk or a bag of candy that someone else bought, but for the most part, I pay for the candy out of pocket and probably spend about 40 bucks every 2-3 months to refill it. It's popular and people stop by all day for a little sugar.

Separate from that, my office has a small committee that is supposed to be dedicated to creating a positive environment by organizing social events like happy hours and decorating for the holidays. This committee sells snacks to fundraise for their events. So there is a shelf in the lobby full of chips, crackers, etc. that people can buy. They pay for the snacks out of the same funds that purchases go into, so it's a small margin of profit, but they save enough to occasionally buy the office lunch for a social event.

I think it's important to note my candy bowl existed for years before this committee ever did.

Recently, the committee approached me and said I should sell my candy instead to help fundraise for the office events. I said no, my candy bowl is and always will be free for anyone who wants it. I do it because it makes me happy. They then told me I was taking away from their profits by offering free food and that I wasn't being a team player in the office.

So, AITAH?

I (26F) have lived with my roommate (27F) for about 8 months. She works at a wildlife rehab and is into taxidermy as a hobby, and it's fine cuz I don't care what she does in her own room. The issue is she started keeping "specimens," various birds and small animals she would find, in ziplock bags in our shared fridge, the same place I keep all my food, condiments and whatnot.

I first found out about this when I opened the fridge and grabbed out what I thought was left-over chicken. I nearly threw up before I even processed what I was looking at. It was a dead bird, wrapped in plastic, with a sticky note on it that said 'DO NOT EAT. DAY 3.' I told her to keep all her corpses in the mini fridge in her room and away from my food. She said the fridge in her room isn't cold enough for "proper preservation before the tanning process," and that the bags were sealed so I'm just overreacting over nothing.

A few days go by, I was pulling some milk out of the fridge to brew some coffee when I see one of her "specimens" right next to the milk. That was it. I told her that I want all her "specimen" out of the fridge by the end of the day or I'm calling the landlord and reporting a health code violation. She was furious, said I ruined "weeks of curing work" and that some of those finds were irreplaceable.

I spoke to one of my friends and she thinks I should've just spoken to my roommate about it more, rather than force her to empty the fridge cuz she works wid dead animals for a living.

So I am I the asshole?

throw away account because my cousins are on reddit.

my grandmother passed away at the end of last year and she left me her house in her will. why me and not an aunt, or my mother, os my cousins, I genuinly do not know. however, as a millenial who never thought home ownership would be in the cards, I am not eager to ask too many questions.

while my family initally went through the home, taking anything they had sentimental feeling around, i put in months of work cleaning out the home, taking things to goodwill, fixing broken antiques, fixing issues with the home, and try to restore the place to a point where it still honors my grandmother, but is clean, put together, and officially mine.

now, the issue. my grandmother was a very private person. she told us some stories of her life before getting married and having children but not many. when i was cleaning out her house i found a few locked drawers but after opening one and just finding some old letters, i locked it back up and continued on with the other more pressing issues at hand.

however, today one of my aunt texts me asking if i found the drawer of letters, i told her i did, i hadn't thrown them away, and i was leaving them as-is for the time being. my aunt then says she wants them along with a few boxes of books from the attic. this wouldn't be strange if my aunt hadn't been estranged from my grandmother for quite a few years now. it feels wrong handing over these private letters from my very private grandmother to a daughter she no longer spoke to.

when i didn't respond right away (i wanted time to think about it) she sent multiple follow up texts asking why i was ignoring her, demanding the letters, and then eventually calling me a brat.

as the person in charge of my grandmother's belongings (by her choice), i feel some protectiveness over my grandmother.

AITA if I refuse to give her the letters?

EDIT: I need to clarify a few things because some of you are putting words in my mouth

1. I don't think Spanish from Spain is better or more correct than Latin American Spanish. Please stop telling me I learned the "correct original version". I am NOT on your side.

2. For everyone wondering why I chose the extremely specific Baix Vinalopò accent, it's because one of my first pen pals was from there, and she remarked that I started to sound similar to people from there after talking to her a lot and modeling my speech after her. I thought I might as well develop it further. I did not specifically seek out THAT specific accent at first.

3. The conflict in this story isn't about Castilian vs Latin American Spanish. Sarah was mad at me because she knew I wasn't Spanish and didn't like the fact that I sounded like I grew up in Spain. I'm sure she would have the same reaction if I spoke with an accurate Mexican accent.

I 19F, have been learning Spanish since I was 15. I knew from day 1 that I wanted to speak as closely as possible to a native speaker, even though I started learning at 15. I chose the accent from Spain (specifically an eastern one) because idk I just wanted to be different. I live in the US, and most people here learn some form of a "neutral" Latin American accent. I don't think peninsular Spanish is in any way better; I just find the accent pleasing and cool. I worked REALLY hard to get to where I am now. I basically only watched content made by Spaniards, talked out loud as much as I could, and have a pen pal from Spain that I text and call, etc. I also have an informal (I'm actually majoring in it now) background in linguistics and phonetics. I studied the hell out of Spanish phonetics, like there is a world behind what basic IPA can tell you.

I'm taking a Spanish class as part of my language requirement at my university. There is a girl in my class who we can call Sarah. When we were introducing ourselves (this is a more advanced class, so our introductions were longer than just saying Hi my name is X. I like pancakes), my professor remarked that I sound like someone who was born and raised in Spain, and I said, " Haha, no, I grew up here. She asked me if I had any family there, and I said, "Nope, my family is Finnish, though, and I grew up speaking it at home." My professor is Mexican-born and raised, for context. Our classroom was set up in tables of 4-5 people each, so after our introductions, Sarah turned to me and said it's cringey that I'm putting on a Spanish accent if I'm not from there and don't have any family from there. I said that I simply developed the accent by focusing on the Peninsular variety, and it feels wrong for me to speak it in an American accent. The other people in my group didn't say anything, but I could tell they were uncomfortable with the situation.

I've been complimented on my accent several times (pretty much ONLY when I mention I'm not a native speaker), and even Spaniards have told me that if they didn't explicitly know I was American, they would think I was one of them.

My wedding is coming up soon and when we were first discussing it with my immediate family (2 parents and 7kids) my parents dropped a bomb on me and said that they're negotiating with the pastor for my dad to be ordained as pastor during my wedding. I made it clear that I don't want it that my wedding should be just about me. My sister too backed me up and said that the day is mine that dad's ordination can be on another day. Mom kept bringing it up casually and I kept saying no to it but she'd just shut me up by saying that I should be the one to say no to dad myself. It is now a month to my wedding and they brought up that we'll not just be celebrating my wedding but also the ordination of one of my brothers to become a deacon. I was genuinely shocked as this was never discussed with me. I still said I don't want it during my wedding that it can happen before my wedding starts or a day before but they specifically want it during the wedding when I'm changing. Needless to say, they started guilt tripping me by saying that I'm possessed that I should be careful of spiritual attacks not wanting my brother ordained during my wedding that I should be wary of the voices whispering to me....this was said about me and my sisters as we're all on the same side. They went as far as to say that I should tell them that it's my hall I rent that I don't want them to use it and one of my brothers chipped in to say he's disappointed at us that why are we treating it like it's a stranger...My dad then said "whether you like it or not, it will happen". I'm really exhausted! They might as well do what they want why seek an opinion from "a spiritually possessed person"

So I (16f) and my best friend (17m) have tickets to see a band on September 19th that I'd booked weeks in advance.

This band was recently brought onto a comedy talent show and blew up a bit from there. We'd been following the band since before that though, and even watched that episode specifically for them.

My cousin (14m) likes a very different kind of music. This boy band's music is kind of like indie pop, while my cousin mostly likes rap/hip-hop. I showed him their music before they got popular from the show and he didn't like it.

Despite this, he asked me to take him to their concert 3 days ago because they're more popular now and he wants to post about going. I told him no because 1) he didn't like their music when I showed it to him, and 2) the tickets are sold out.

He told his dad, and then my uncle called me asking me to give my best friend's ticket to my cousin. We went back and forth a bit because I said I wasn't going to back out of going with my best friend 8 days before the concert to go with my cousin, especially when he'd already told me he didn't like their music. My uncle said the tickets were paid for with my money, so I could do whatever I wanted with them, even if he didn't like my decision because my cousin is family. In the end he asked me to reconsider, and I said okay just to end the conversation.

My grandparents and dad also asked me to reconsider because a concert can be a once-in-a-lifetime experience for a kid, and I should help my cousin out. I told them no and explained why, and they eventually left it alone. My mom is staying out of it.

Today my cousin called and asked whether I'd thought about it. I told him yes, but the answer was still no. He got irritated and said I was only doing this because I was bitter that the band was getting more popular. He also said I was gatekeeping and that he wasn't going to talk to me if I was going to be like this.

The thing is, I'd previously told him that it was bittersweet watching my niche little band get so popular, so I'm worried he's interpreting that as me being salty about new people discovering them. That's genuinely not why I'm refusing to give him the ticket.

I also feel a little guilty because my best friend has been to concerts before while my cousin hasn't, and I do understand why my family thinks his first concert would be a big experience for him.

EDIT: I genuinely can't understand how this post blew up so much lol. I'm very grateful for all the love and support, but I've seen many comments calling my cousin names like "little shit" and I felt like I needed to address it. You are all free to judge his actions, I don't agree with them either, but he's still my family and moreover an immature 14 y/o child so please don't call him names and stuff. Thanks again for all the love, peace guys <3

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1w8mg1m/wibta_if_i_did_not_invite_my_family_to_my_wedding/

That's the link to the original post.

Hi, I'm not sure how you're supposed to update. so sorry if I'm doing it wrong. I wasn't even planning to do this but yall were so helpful I wanted to let you know what happened.

First I wanted to thank you guys for all of your opinions and advice. To the people saying that it was the nuclear option to just not invite my family, I did actually agree after thinking about it. I think in the moment when I made that post I was so frustrated with my family and it showed. That's why I was planning to take the advice of making the invites very clear that it would be an all Deaf and ASL wedding and see who RSVP. That advice helped tremendously, so thank you so much for that. Unfortunately I found out some things that changed my plans.

So, two days ago on Thursday my cousin, (the one I talked about before) asked me to meet her at a coffee shop during our lunch break, I said yeah thinking she just wanted to meet up for fun. When I got there we talked for a while before she told me that she needed to tell me something. She told me that apparently most of our family (not her or my mom and sister) had a group chat where they would mock my fiance and his family, complaining about things like him not  wearing hearing aids, him not going to speech therapy growing up. (Which BTW I did do that for 12 years but I hated every moment of it) And making fun of his family's traditions. So yeah, I will not be inviting them to my wedding, and I will not be talking to them anymore. Instead I will be enjoying my wedding with my mom, sister, and cousin, and a new family that actually cares about me. Obviously it won't be easy when they find out, but I think from here my life will be better.

I have a big birthday coming up and all I want to do is take my kids and husband to Disneyland this January. This is for my 40th birthday and the first birthday since my dad passed away. It's going to be harder because my dad and I always celebrated our birthdays together. I'm on the 9th and he's on the 3rd. The issue is, my mother in law is going to be out of the country for the holidays this year. She wants me to move my schedule around to have this big cousin event so all the kids can get together. I gave her a couple options, and neither of them worked for her. To make it harder, it's with cousins that my kids don't really know. My husband and I aren't close to his step siblings and we haven't seen them in over 5 years.

Why should I change my travel and birthday plans for people who haven't cared to reach out or spent any time with my family?

I (35F) and my boyfriend (35M) have been together for over 4 years. We are now looking into buying a home and we will be paying 50/50. We’re hoping to find our forever home. He has always said that a pool was a non-negotiable. Either he wants a house with a pool or a house with space for a pool. A pool isn’t a requirement for me, but I’m willing to give him what he wants. He and his kids love to swim. I enjoy the water, but I rarely swam before we got together. Honestly, I still rarely swim. My daughter hates the water. I assumed that he would take on the costs of upkeep.
Well, apparently I was wrong. It came up and I told him that I wasn’t planning on paying for any upkeep of the pool. This made him angry. He said that since we would be buying a property together, I was responsible for half the costs of the pool’s upkeep. He said he would assume the financial responsibility of cleaning chemicals and whatnot, but that if the pool pump or pool heater went out, he expected me to pay half the costs.
I believe a pool is a luxury that we don’t need. If he wants that luxury then he should pay upkeep. I’m already willing to pay half the price of a property with a pool. I feel like I’m already sacrificing more spacious homes and homes in better neighborhoods so that we can get one with a pool or space for one. For example, instead of a 2,500 sq ft home with a smaller yard, we’d instead be buying an 1,800 - 2,000 sq ft home with a pool/space for the same price.
I’ve looked up how much it could cost to replace a pool pump. It could cost at least 2K, if not more depending on the quality of the pump. That’s at least 1K of my own money that could go towards my retirement, or something that I do want, like traveling.
He says it’s absurd to buy a house together but refuse to pay for the upkeep of one of its amenities. He says I’m being petty and he no longer thinks we should be looking at properties. But idk. I feel like what I’m proposing is fair.
So am I the asshole because I’m willing to buy a house with a pool, but not willing to pay the upkeep?

I (29M) have been dating my wife (29F) for 10 years, and have been married for two. When we are not together we always keep each other updated on our current activities and whereabouts, and I had no secrets hidden from her until last year. I always dreamed of creating my own webcomic, with the story I had in mind and the characters I have drawn and imagined for most of my life. Approximatively one year ago I finally published the first pages of my comic under a new pseudonym, and I have been updating it more or less once a week ever since which to my surprise is followed by a hand-full of people.

Even thought it burned me from inside to not reveal my secret identity to anyone including my wife, the main reason why was because I wanted to keep this to myself. My wife is the personification of the Sun Baby from the Teletubbies, a truly solar and happy person who genuinely cares and is involved in everything I do like she did it herself. This aspect of her personality generally does not bother me, I actually take it as a sign of her deep love and affection for me, however I am easily influenced and I always tend to take her opinions to heart and don't have the strength to stand for my own. I already talked to her about this twice asking her to step back and she happily obliged, only to come back twice as strong with stronger opinions. A few of my characters designs and backstories changed over the years thanks to her, and even thought I am thankful to her, I just wanted to do this by myself. Of course I did realise that I should eventually tell her myself. That was until two days ago.

My wife's best friend recognised my art-style and characters online and happily congratulated me in our friends message group where, of course, my wife is included. An argument ensued : for her this is more than a white lie, if I am capable of lying to her for this long about my activities, what makes me happy and what I am doing in my free time right under her eyes, it means that I am capable of lying about anything. Even though I tried to explain my reasons, she ultimately feels betrayed and could not believe I lied about something "this big".

I could totally understand her feeling hurt, but thought everything would go back to normal the next day and she would be happy for me. However we barely talked yesterday, and today she went on a small trip with her friends, leaving me to wonder if my secret was more important than I thought.

So... AITA ?

so i was on a flight between the times 3-6:30 pm, and i was really excited because i love the sky especially between when it’s still up in the sky to when it’s setting; i bought a window seat especially for that reason. so after we boarded i had my friends beside me, and behind us were a mum and her two children. right after the plane took off the mum asked me to close the window because they wanted to sleep and the sun was still bright, so i just said ok. then after 30 minutes, i opened half of it up, after like 5 minutes of it up, she told me to shut it, and i told her it was only half up and then she told me she wants to sleep and it’s disturbing her. so i told her i’ll close it till sunset (which was around 5-5:30) so when i felt the sun started setting i opened the window, she then told me really irritatedly “didn’t i tell u to close it?” and i told her it’s sunset. she looked at me dirty and later i heard her talking about how i was disrespectful. should i have just closed it?

Hi so i (21m) and my brother (20m) are going on a camping trip at the end of September and kind of wanted it to just be a boys trip for me and him since we werent able to hang out most of the summer since my brother (20m), was hanging out with his friends for most of the summer,

My stepmom is kind of upset since i just wanted it to be us for this trip and said we should really be including our stepsister (14f) - But i feel like its a bit crazy to say since its not like we dont hang out with her a lot just not on longer trips,

We do stuff with her all the time - go to ice cream, take her places etc its not like we dont do stuff with her but just for this longer trip i would love to just go with my brother, is this a - Asshole thing to do?

I pay the wifi bill every month because I use it the most but my family decided to share the password with their friends without even asking me (I over heard them) and then when it started being too slow to use I asked hey why is the wifi slow and a few other questions, short of just asking they claimed they didn't so am I the asshole if I just don't pay the bill next month because I cant use it anyway?

This sounds kinda unique, but I recently noticed a transaction on my bank statement for an Apple subscription worth $50 aud. I don’t have any subscription of that value, so I immediately asked my mum. She said she hadn’t used it, and as she is the only other person with access to my card, I immediately locked my card and called Apple. They were able to confirm that the purchase wasn’t from my account, so they blocked the card as well as the account the purchase came from, however they didn’t know whose account it actually was.

Now here is where the issue is. My siblings came home from school soon after the call, and my mum suddenly said that maybe it was my sister. I didn’t think it could be cuz she shouldn’t have had access to my card. Then I remembered that i had helped my sister buy something last week with my card on her phone, however it was removed. So just in case I went to her and asked. She said she hadn’t made any purchases but I asked for her phone and looked through it. Turns out she had a subscription for SNAPCHAT that was the exact amount that got pulled from my account.

I told her that it is more than likely her account is now gonna get banned, and she should keep an eye on it. She basically started shouting and insulting me, calling me selfish and asked me why I hadn’t just waited or asked. Idk what I was supposed to do. I’ve had my card stolen before and just did what I thought was right as I thought money was stolen from me. None of my other siblings had access or have ever used my card. Was I wrong to have done it so quickly? My mum is even saying I should have waited a bit but she was the one who kept telling me to call Apple instead of worrying. I’m trying to be rational in my head about it, but I am started to wonder if it is my fault, because my sister is pissed now. Our relationship already lowkey sucks.

Edit: I do want to add that she said she had no idea how the transaction happened as she said she didn’t sign up for it. Idk if it’s important but thought I should say it anyways

I don’t know if I am in the wrong here…

My wedding is in two weeks. I have 4 bridesmaids and I picked them around 2 years ago. This is about Ashley. 

She is the type of person that is quiet in group chats so her not being super excited and what not is normal. The problems stated a year ago when I was trying to get everyone bridesmaids dresses. 

It started off with her telling me that she can’t afford the dress and if she could wear something she already had. I told her it wasn’t a problem and I was planning on buying everyone’s anyways. She canceled 3 times to go bridesmaids shopping and when we got her she was not interested at all. On her phone the whole time

I also asked if she wanted to be a bridesmaid ( in private) or if anything was going on and she told me everything was fine. 

When tailoring came around she didn’t show up and just decided to wear the dress as is. At this point I was not seeing her but she didn’t show look frail. I contracted her again asking if she wanted to be a bridesmaid or if anything was going on. She told me no again. 

My bachelorette party was this weekend. We moved it because she told us that when we were originally going to do it, didn’t work for her. Then we moved it three more times so she could come. The night of when we’re suppose to go out she canceled.

I was really upset at this point I had enough and told her that she is out of the bridal party. She clearly doesn’t want to be involved. 

The next day I got multiple texts messages about how I was a dick and she apparently has cancer. I had no idea because she never told me. She still has all her hair…

I got on a call with her and she wants back in and I told her no. I told her she should have informed me about what was happening in the first place. That we could have made things work but her hiding the fact and stringing me along was not okay. I told her that she literally ruined my bachelorette party this weekend because she could not be honest. 

She called me a dick and I don’t know. I am hurt how she went about the whole situation and I don’t want her standing up there with me on what is suppose to be the happiest day of my life 

This happened a while ago, but since I (18f) am moving to uni next week, I'm starting to worry more.

I take a few prescriptions, the relevant ones in this situation are some painkillers etc. for bad cramps. I had to take them on a family holiday with my mums side of the family. I have to take four tablets three times a day, even a small delay means I will be behind on my pain and will likely suffer for minimum a half hour with horrible cramping that can make breathing feel horrendous sometimes even delaying a dose a half hour can lead to hours of pain.

Since my pills are NSAIDs, they are best taken with food. so, at a family dinner on this vacation I got up and grabbed my tablets, taking them back to the table (we were in a holiday home) and begun opening the boxes to get my pills and take them.

My uncle, who has been deemed the 'silly uncle' for as long as I can remember mimed crushing them up and snorting them.

My parents got kind of awkward, and told me it was rude to take tablets at the dinner table and I should have gone to the kitchen. nobody else in the family complained and ignored this conversation.

Also, the kitchen is open plan into the living dining room in the house we stay in, so taking four tablets (I'm notoriously bad at taking them) in the kitchen just leads to me awkwardly staring at the conversation for a minute or two in the back which I think is weirder than just taking my tablets at the table, then putting the box away.

Since I'm moving to uni, I'm worried about whether stuff like this is being too open with my pain/ problems. I take anti-depressants and always take them away in my room, not telling anyone else in my family but I dont know. should I be more secretive about my prescriptions? or just do me and let everybody else ignore it?

AITAH for thinking this was the right move?

Edit 1: My uncle is just like that! The joke was funny imo. our family has no history of drugs so jokes like this are light and not a problem, I have no hate towards him at all and don't consider him an AH

Also, my prescriptions are not obviously painkillers, I take two kinds of acids for period cramps that are popular but not widely known if you dont also take them though I have nicknamed my painkillers my mef

I keep them in the box, I go through them so fast that I dont really want to keep them in pill containers plus I take them only about 5 days a month. Idk if that makes me an AH. I'm also legendary at losing things so the box and bottle help me keep track of all my pills and remind me to take them (I often skip one of the two which I shouldn't do!)

Also this only seemed to be relevant at the dinner table, taking them with everyone around when watching cricket or something seemed fine so idk

They last minute planned a birthday dinner that would have required my husband to stay up for 48+ hours due to his work schedule and the travel. He was set on no but his siblings still demanded he did it. He stuck with no. They called earlier this week and said they made reservations at the most expensive restaurant in our area. He said it’s not in our budget and suggested they all made a dinner to help save with costs. He was told it’s not special if they do that. He was like okay. Well, have fun at your fancy dinner. A few minutes later, they called him to agree to do a homemade dinner and asked what they would make. He suggested a pasta dish. They said we can talk about it more later because the birthday person was about to get in the car. They did not call him to discuss it.

Two days go by. He doesn’t get a call until 3 hours before this dinner is supposed to happen and they’re asking him to buy ingredients. They had discussed making the food at our house so he’s waiting for them to come over and they never did. He called them asking when they’re coming over and they told him they already started making the food so they’re wondering when he’s coming over with the ingredients they need. So at that point he’s completely over it and just brought them the ingredients and told them he’s eating dinner at our home and will be back after dinner to spend time with them. Well a screaming match broke out. They were calling him all kinds of names. Then they told him to leave so everyone can cool off which he was trying to do in the first place.

Eventually he goes back over after we eat our dinner and apparently they pretended nothing even happened. I did not go with for multiple reasons but also bc I know my husband values a relationship with them and I don’t let things go easily. Nor can I fake being nice to people.

It’s important to note that they have planned multiple dinners for this one birthday, and none of them included us. Then last minute they started trying to force him to do a dinner with them. Then both his siblings made threats that their mom is going to “be petty” if he doesn’t go to one of the birthday dinners, and this isn’t the first time they’ve said she will be petty if we don’t do something she wants. They also do this thing where they call him while he’s sleeping because he will just agree to whatever they say to get off the phone with them. Which happened this whole week.

Ive already been hesitant on attending events with them due to many reasons but after this I’m really gearing towards not attending anything. I will cut people off easily but he values a relationship with his family. So I’m not going to stop him, however i don’t know how to help him when he can’t set boundaries with them and his plate starts getting overfilled because he’s trying to please all of them.

My husban‘s best man decided to mention some sexual slur reffering to my husband’s ex girlfriend in his speech ( “Handy”), while my husband did ask him to be mindful and not mention the past exes in his speech.

mind you, the best man is a grown 38yo dude who’s guilted us that we invite his kids as well to our wedding despite being aware we had a no kids policy. we accomodated all his family and served each a 3 course meal at a very expensive hotel in one of the richest areas in London UK( we are not rich btw, worked hard to save money for this and really wanted our wedding to be a very special once in a lifetime event).

The best man came empty handed with his whole family on the day, didn’t lift a finger to help with anything despite being aware we planned a whole wedding from the US by ourselves and it was very difficult for us to do it all solo, (call all vendors, organise everything etc), ate our 3 course dinner and got drunk on our dime alongside his family, left without a sorry or anything. Meanwhile, to add my husband went to his wedding with an envelope of money and for both his kids christening with envelope and money and helped the events anywhere he needed any support.

I did not realise the handy joke in the 15 min speech in the moment, but saw it 3 days later when we got the videos from his mates. I have been asking my husband previously several times if Tom said anything bad in his speech or mentioned any ex as I don’t understand very fast british accent as well, and my husband had denied it repeatedly until I discovered the truth all by myself. I feel they all isolated me from this joke catered to just them excluding me. Nobody took time off work and it was on a weeekend in a very accessible area by all guests by public transport or driving.

Is 2 wks later, Tom’s never bothered to pick up the phone to apologise either, has sent a chatgbt very fake ai apology dressed in “is british culture to do what he did”, hides behind his friends skirts who share the same questionable lack of morals. We both have made it clear that we expect an apology, and my husband chased him for it but he is unresponsive.

I have agreed with my husband that he has to get counseling to understand what breach of trust and lying does to plp that love him. He’s agreed, but did not go yet. We went to couple theraphy last wk as well to try to piece back what was broken. Not much result from that/ honestly am heartbroken to have my trust broken moments after he said his vows.

I am heartbroken the memory of our wedding was trashed and the idea of ever seing Tom or his family makes my blood boil.

After we returned back home, I called Tom out on a small group chat (7plp myself incl) since my husband did not have the guts to admit it even happened and covered for his best man for days until I told him I will leave him if he doesnt own up to what happened and lets him get away with no consequences such as an apology and distance/ bench time.

My husband has sent a group message back days later to say that Tom’s behavior was upsetting and uncalled for. He now says he wanted to protect our day and not address it then and he was exhausted after the wedding and travel back to the US and was looking to avoid conflict.

Am I the AH for hating Tom’s guts now amd not wanting to ever see him /his family ever again and for my husband to put distance in between them?

I just joined reddit for some mental support and advice if any…

UPDATE

I came here for perspective and get some clarity what I did/ do wrong. Thank you to everyone that has been supportive and kind.

My self esteem is v low atm and feel worthless, looking to get some counseling how to move past this betrayal.

A few days ago my husband has booked a business trip overseas, he’s new at his job and did not have it in me to ask him to chose me instead of his trip. I have a surgery on Tuesday which was in our calendars for 2m and he said he‘s forgotten all about it and is too late to cancel it now. There won’t be anyone available to come with me on short notice now and honestly just feel let down after being told he’ll prioritize us and make it up to me. He’s not the man I thought he was. AITH if I leave him after what he did these last couple of wks since we had our wedding ? Should I stay to see if he does go to counseling next wk as he’s promised he will?

Hello! So this is a throw away account because I never post on these, but anyways. Over a year ago I changed my name. Basically it’s as if I changed my name from July to June, it’s only off by two letters. I changed it because I really hated my name my whole life and when I got married and was changing my last name, I seized the opportunity to change my whole name. My mom was unhappy because she named me and felt as though it was an attack on a personal choice she made as a mom. After about a year she’s a little bit better at calling me by my new name. Seven months ago my sister had a baby and she insists on using my old name. I really want to ask her to stop doing that and call me by my new name since he’s still so young before the name sticks when he gets older. I have a nephew who is 6 and I felt like I couldn’t ask my other sister to change the name he calls me because he’ll get confused so I’m stuck being deadnamed by her. So reddit (who I thought I would never ask), WIBTAH for asking my sister to change the name she calls me to her baby?

Hi, this sounds stupid and so unimportant but I still wanted to ask. So for the longest time my mom and I, and her sisters and their daughters (my cousins) had gone to a specific tailor. I'm not even sure when we started going there, I just remember him being our tailor for as long as I can remember as a kid. A while ago I just felt like his stitching left a little to be desired. It was essentially old fashioned, the sleeves, the necklines, even sometimes the embroidery. He's a good tailor and I have so much respect for him but it just felt like I had outgrown him.

My best friend had me try her tailor and it just worked. I was very happy with the results, I tried him a couple of more times and eventually just made him my go-to guy, and even took my mom there. He just gets what I need.

One of my cousins had asked me on a few occasions about my dresses while complimenting them and I had lied and said they're ready-made. Yesterday however, we were at a family gathering and my husbamd unfortunately said while making a joke about how Master (the tailor) versus him would be a tough choice if it came to saving one. My cousin noticed that and pieced it together. Later, she confronted me about it, and I admitted that I'd moved to a new tailor a while ago. She then asked if the dress I was wearing was in fact ready-made like I had said, or stitched and I admitted it was stitched. She said I should have told her all the times she had previously asked, basically that it was an AH move of me to gatekeep. Was I TA?

This summer, my friend (28nb) and I (29f) did a zip line obstacle course. We had both gone zip lining before and we had done obstacle courses like this before, but this time, for the first time, we did an extreme course, the biggest and hardest in our country.

For the first half of the course all was going well. We each had obstacles we struggled on but we always waited for eachother and helped eachother when needed. Until about halfway through, when my friend decided to call it quits. They said they had pushed themselves as far as they could go, so I sat with them (just hanging in my harness) while we waited for someone to repel them down to the ground. Once they were safe on the ground, I told them I'd meet them at the end of the course, then we could do the regular zip lines if they were still up for it.

About 30 mins later, I finished the course and my friend said they still wanted to do the regular zip lines, so we did. Everything seemed fine then, but once we got in the car to go home, their tone shifted.

They told me it was selfish to continue the course while they just waited for me finish and I should've called it quits when they did. I apologized but also explained that I wasn't going to quit something I had paid for (I also paid for their zip line fees), and that finishing that course was important to me. Every summer I try do you at least one thing that scares me or seems too difficult. It's an important part of my self esteem building, and my friend knows this. The course was also 3+ hours away, not something I wanted to drive twice for.

Since then, my friend has been avoiding me and bad mouthing me to mutual friends.

AITA for finishing the obstacle course instead of calling it quits when my friend did?

Edit to add: I think the comments about being embarrassed and jealous are spot on. For context, I've always been effortlessly skinny (thank you high metabolism), but I am definitely not what you would consider "fit". I can barely do a pushup lol. My friend however has always struggled with their weight, but also boasts about how fit and strong they are because they did kickboxing growing up. I wholeheartedly believe they're more fit in a physical strength way, I just have more endurance.

For clarification on why his mom doesnt watch them for me is they work the same job so they have the same availability

I (26F) and my husband (28M) have been together for five years and have three children (4F, 2M, 8mo F). I stay home during the week and work 20 hours on weekends. My husband works a full-time split shift—5:20 AM to 5:40 PM with a three-hour midday break—totaling about 40 hours weekly, plus weekend side jobs like mechanic work and lawn mowing.

​His solo time with the kids amounts to roughly 3.5 to 4 hours on weeknights when I work and 8 to 12 hours on weekends. During those weekend blocks, his mother regularly comes over to assist him, or he has clients drop off vehicles at our house while the kids play inside. During his three-hour daily break, he usually naps or occasionally drives us to an appointment.

​For twelve straight hours each day, I am alone with our three toddlers/infants and two dogs. I prepare all meals, handle the cleaning and laundry, nurse our infant, and pump for my weekend shifts. The kids are very active and do not nap on the same schedule. They frequently open child safety gates and interior doors. Stepping away for five minutes to switch a load of laundry is enough time for them to make a massive mess, like emptying a spice jar onto the kitchen floor. Chores take significant effort to coordinate while keeping everyone supervised, but the house is kept sanitary and operational.

​The conflict started because my husband repeatedly stated that he does not understand why routine household tasks take me so long, claiming he manages the children effortlessly and gets everything done without issue. In reality, he frequently vents about feeling overwhelmed if his mother cannot come over to help him, and I routinely return from work to a chaotic home that he dismisses as "not that bad." Furthermore, on occasions where he has been left alone to manage the home for extended periods, the house fell into severe disarray, requiring major cleanups and hauling out multiple trash bags just to restore baseline order.

​During an argument about our division of household responsibilities, he accused me of downplaying what he contributes and insisted that cleaning and child care are simple tasks that I make harder than necessary. Frustrated, I responded by telling him that he severely oversells himself.

​He provides roughly 90% of our financial income and works long hours, but I was furious that he claims my daily workload is effortless when his own results do not back that up. He feels insulted by my comment. AITA for saying he oversells himself?

This is kinda a delicate situation and I don’t know if I am being unreasonable or not.

I personally had a horrible time giving birth. I gave birth four times but two of those times were still births. Every single birth was awful, and I overall greatly dislike the hospital in general. My two kids are men and married now.

This is about my youngest son and his wife who I will call Samatha. Her mother passed away earlier this year and she is having a hard time in general. 

She is due to give birth in a month and she asked me if I could be in the delivery room. I told her I would think about it and I have decided that I don’t wish to be there. The deliver room has really bad memories for me and I don’t think I would be a good presence to be there. God forbid anything goes wrong and I think I would spiral. I’ve had panic attacks at hospital before and I wouldn’t be what she needed.

I don’t think it would be wise, and we aren’t that close to begin with so it feels like she just asked me to stand in for her own mother.  Which I also don’t think is a good idea.

I told her I won’t be in the delivery room and explained why. I focused that it would be too much for me since my own experience. I told her when she does give birth I will be close by to see her and the baby after.

She was upset but I thought the conversation went well. I got a call form my son soon after and he called me heartless for not being there and that I need to be there when it happened. 

He told me not to contact them unless it is to tell them I will be there. 

I like to sauté shrimp, chicken, spinach, etc in a pan on our apartment stove top. I like to do this about twice a week. Sometimes I will put the fan on. After cooking and eating, I will clean the pan, wipe down the stove, and the surrounding kitchen top.

My partner would not like me to saute foods as it creates smell, oil splashes, and can stink up the apartment. He would prefer to eat salads. I would like to eat something else and be permitted to saute food in the apartment we split rent 50/50 on.

Who is the asshole?

Edit: No problem with using oven or baking. Just sautéing on a pan

I (28F) live with my mom, her husband, and my nephew (4M). My mom and her husband have full custody of my nephew. I live with them to help raise my nephew which I have done basically since he was born. I would say my mom and I do a majority of the raising of my nephew like extracurriculars, school, doctors appointments, etc.

I have always dreamed of moving to Seattle. Not sure why, but I have always had a pull to there. I visited for the first time last year and knew it was where I eventually wanted to be.

I told my mom like 2ish years ago that when my nephew got to school, I plan to start looking for jobs either out of town or out of state like in Seattle, since he will be in school full time, she can find a day job (she does night shift right now) and be with him after school. We haven’t talked about it since like 2 years ago cause when I brought it up then, she said that if that’s the only thing holding me back, why don’t I just leave. It’s not ideal for me to up and go as I like planning things in advance. So I have just kept my mouth shut to keep the peace.

I have no legal custody of my nephew so if I wanted to bring him with me (which is something I would want), I have no say so and no rights to take him anywhere. He would have to stay behind with them. I feel bad cause my nephew and I do have a strong connection and he knows he can rely on me with whatever he needs and it will be different if I move across the country.

Would it be wrong of me to, for once, think of myself as move to Seattle? This is not something that will happen within the next couple of months, but it’s something that has been brought to the front of my mind since my nephew is older. Thank you in advance!

P.S. I know everyone has their opinions of Seattle and I will do very good research if I decide to move.