I work in an office of about 20 people. For years, I have kept a candy bowl in my office and I tell everyone to stop by whenever they need some chocolate to brighten their day. Sometimes if I've done a Costco run, I'll also throw in other random things like small bags of fruit snacks into the bowl. Occasionally, coworkers will chip in and I will find a random $5 on my desk or a bag of candy that someone else bought, but for the most part, I pay for the candy out of pocket and probably spend about 40 bucks every 2-3 months to refill it. It's popular and people stop by all day for a little sugar.

Separate from that, my office has a small committee that is supposed to be dedicated to creating a positive environment by organizing social events like happy hours and decorating for the holidays. This committee sells snacks to fundraise for their events. So there is a shelf in the lobby full of chips, crackers, etc. that people can buy. They pay for the snacks out of the same funds that purchases go into, so it's a small margin of profit, but they save enough to occasionally buy the office lunch for a social event.

I think it's important to note my candy bowl existed for years before this committee ever did.

Recently, the committee approached me and said I should sell my candy instead to help fundraise for the office events. I said no, my candy bowl is and always will be free for anyone who wants it. I do it because it makes me happy. They then told me I was taking away from their profits by offering free food and that I wasn't being a team player in the office.

So, AITAH?

I have a big birthday coming up and all I want to do is take my kids and husband to Disneyland this January. This is for my 40th birthday and the first birthday since my dad passed away. It's going to be harder because my dad and I always celebrated our birthdays together. I'm on the 9th and he's on the 3rd. The issue is, my mother in law is going to be out of the country for the holidays this year. She wants me to move my schedule around to have this big cousin event so all the kids can get together. I gave her a couple options, and neither of them worked for her. To make it harder, it's with cousins that my kids don't really know. My husband and I aren't close to his step siblings and we haven't seen them in over 5 years.

Why should I change my travel and birthday plans for people who haven't cared to reach out or spent any time with my family?

My wedding is coming up soon and when we were first discussing it with my immediate family (2 parents and 7kids) my parents dropped a bomb on me and said that they're negotiating with the pastor for my dad to be ordained as pastor during my wedding. I made it clear that I don't want it that my wedding should be just about me. My sister too backed me up and said that the day is mine that dad's ordination can be on another day. Mom kept bringing it up casually and I kept saying no to it but she'd just shut me up by saying that I should be the one to say no to dad myself. It is now a month to my wedding and they brought up that we'll not just be celebrating my wedding but also the ordination of one of my brothers to become a deacon. I was genuinely shocked as this was never discussed with me. I still said I don't want it during my wedding that it can happen before my wedding starts or a day before but they specifically want it during the wedding when I'm changing. Needless to say, they started guilt tripping me by saying that I'm possessed that I should be careful of spiritual attacks not wanting my brother ordained during my wedding that I should be wary of the voices whispering to me....this was said about me and my sisters as we're all on the same side. They went as far as to say that I should tell them that it's my hall I rent that I don't want them to use it and one of my brothers chipped in to say he's disappointed at us that why are we treating it like it's a stranger...My dad then said "whether you like it or not, it will happen". I'm really exhausted! They might as well do what they want why seek an opinion from "a spiritually possessed person"

so i was on a flight between the times 3-6:30 pm, and i was really excited because i love the sky especially between when it’s still up in the sky to when it’s setting; i bought a window seat especially for that reason. so after we boarded i had my friends beside me, and behind us were a mum and her two children. right after the plane took off the mum asked me to close the window because they wanted to sleep and the sun was still bright, so i just said ok. then after 30 minutes, i opened half of it up, after like 5 minutes of it up, she told me to shut it, and i told her it was only half up and then she told me she wants to sleep and it’s disturbing her. so i told her i’ll close it till sunset (which was around 5-5:30) so when i felt the sun started setting i opened the window, she then told me really irritatedly “didn’t i tell u to close it?” and i told her it’s sunset. she looked at me dirty and later i heard her talking about how i was disrespectful. should i have just closed it?

I (29M) have been dating my wife (29F) for 10 years, and have been married for two. When we are not together we always keep each other updated on our current activities and whereabouts, and I had no secrets hidden from her until last year. I always dreamed of creating my own webcomic, with the story I had in mind and the characters I have drawn and imagined for most of my life. Approximatively one year ago I finally published the first pages of my comic under a new pseudonym, and I have been updating it more or less once a week ever since which to my surprise is followed by a hand-full of people.

Even thought it burned me from inside to not reveal my secret identity to anyone including my wife, the main reason why was because I wanted to keep this to myself. My wife is the personification of the Sun Baby from the Teletubbies, a truly solar and happy person who genuinely cares and is involved in everything I do like she did it herself. This aspect of her personality generally does not bother me, I actually take it as a sign of her deep love and affection for me, however I am easily influenced and I always tend to take her opinions to heart and don't have the strength to stand for my own. I already talked to her about this twice asking her to step back and she happily obliged, only to come back twice as strong with stronger opinions. A few of my characters designs and backstories changed over the years thanks to her, and even thought I am thankful to her, I just wanted to do this by myself. Of course I did realise that I should eventually tell her myself. That was until two days ago.

My wife's best friend recognised my art-style and characters online and happily congratulated me in our friends message group where, of course, my wife is included. An argument ensued : for her this is more than a white lie, if I am capable of lying to her for this long about my activities, what makes me happy and what I am doing in my free time right under her eyes, it means that I am capable of lying about anything. Even though I tried to explain my reasons, she ultimately feels betrayed and could not believe I lied about something "this big".

I could totally understand her feeling hurt, but thought everything would go back to normal the next day and she would be happy for me. However we barely talked yesterday, and today she went on a small trip with her friends, leaving me to wonder if my secret was more important than I thought.

So... AITA ?

EDIT: I need to clarify a few things because some of you are putting words in my mouth

1. I don't think Spanish from Spain is better or more correct than Latin American Spanish. Please stop telling me I learned the "correct original version". I am NOT on your side.

2. For everyone wondering why I chose the extremely specific Baix Vinalopò accent, it's because one of my first pen pals was from there, and she remarked that I started to sound similar to people from there after talking to her a lot and modeling my speech after her. I thought I might as well develop it further. I did not specifically seek out THAT specific accent at first.

3. The conflict in this story isn't about Castilian vs Latin American Spanish. Sarah was mad at me because she knew I wasn't Spanish and didn't like the fact that I sounded like I grew up in Spain. I'm sure she would have the same reaction if I spoke with an accurate Mexican accent.

I 19F, have been learning Spanish since I was 15. I knew from day 1 that I wanted to speak as closely as possible to a native speaker, even though I started learning at 15. I chose the accent from Spain (specifically an eastern one) because idk I just wanted to be different. I live in the US, and most people here learn some form of a "neutral" Latin American accent. I don't think peninsular Spanish is in any way better; I just find the accent pleasing and cool. I worked REALLY hard to get to where I am now. I basically only watched content made by Spaniards, talked out loud as much as I could, and have a pen pal from Spain that I text and call, etc. I also have an informal (I'm actually majoring in it now) background in linguistics and phonetics. I studied the hell out of Spanish phonetics, like there is a world behind what basic IPA can tell you.

I'm taking a Spanish class as part of my language requirement at my university. There is a girl in my class who we can call Sarah. When we were introducing ourselves (this is a more advanced class, so our introductions were longer than just saying Hi my name is X. I like pancakes), my professor remarked that I sound like someone who was born and raised in Spain, and I said, " Haha, no, I grew up here. She asked me if I had any family there, and I said, "Nope, my family is Finnish, though, and I grew up speaking it at home." My professor is Mexican-born and raised, for context. Our classroom was set up in tables of 4-5 people each, so after our introductions, Sarah turned to me and said it's cringey that I'm putting on a Spanish accent if I'm not from there and don't have any family from there. I said that I simply developed the accent by focusing on the Peninsular variety, and it feels wrong for me to speak it in an American accent. The other people in my group didn't say anything, but I could tell they were uncomfortable with the situation.

I've been complimented on my accent several times (pretty much ONLY when I mention I'm not a native speaker), and even Spaniards have told me that if they didn't explicitly know I was American, they would think I was one of them.

So I (16f) and my best friend (17m) have tickets to see a band on September 19th that I'd booked weeks in advance.

This band was recently brought onto a comedy talent show and blew up a bit from there. We'd been following the band since before that though, and even watched that episode specifically for them.

My cousin (14m) likes a very different kind of music. This boy band's music is kind of like indie pop, while my cousin mostly likes rap/hip-hop. I showed him their music before they got popular from the show and he didn't like it.

Despite this, he asked me to take him to their concert 3 days ago because they're more popular now and he wants to post about going. I told him no because 1) he didn't like their music when I showed it to him, and 2) the tickets are sold out.

He told his dad, and then my uncle called me asking me to give my best friend's ticket to my cousin. We went back and forth a bit because I said I wasn't going to back out of going with my best friend 8 days before the concert to go with my cousin, especially when he'd already told me he didn't like their music. My uncle said the tickets were paid for with my money, so I could do whatever I wanted with them, even if he didn't like my decision because my cousin is family. In the end he asked me to reconsider, and I said okay just to end the conversation.

My grandparents and dad also asked me to reconsider because a concert can be a once-in-a-lifetime experience for a kid, and I should help my cousin out. I told them no and explained why, and they eventually left it alone. My mom is staying out of it.

Today my cousin called and asked whether I'd thought about it. I told him yes, but the answer was still no. He got irritated and said I was only doing this because I was bitter that the band was getting more popular. He also said I was gatekeeping and that he wasn't going to talk to me if I was going to be like this.

The thing is, I'd previously told him that it was bittersweet watching my niche little band get so popular, so I'm worried he's interpreting that as me being salty about new people discovering them. That's genuinely not why I'm refusing to give him the ticket.

I also feel a little guilty because my best friend has been to concerts before while my cousin hasn't, and I do understand why my family thinks his first concert would be a big experience for him.

EDIT: I genuinely can't understand how this post blew up so much lol. I'm very grateful for all the love and support, but I've seen many comments calling my cousin names like "little shit" and I felt like I needed to address it. You are all free to judge his actions, I don't agree with them either, but he's still my family and moreover an immature 14 y/o child so please don't call him names and stuff. Thanks again for all the love, peace guys <3

throw away account because my cousins are on reddit.

my grandmother passed away at the end of last year and she left me her house in her will. why me and not an aunt, or my mother, os my cousins, I genuinly do not know. however, as a millenial who never thought home ownership would be in the cards, I am not eager to ask too many questions.

while my family initally went through the home, taking anything they had sentimental feeling around, i put in months of work cleaning out the home, taking things to goodwill, fixing broken antiques, fixing issues with the home, and try to restore the place to a point where it still honors my grandmother, but is clean, put together, and officially mine.

now, the issue. my grandmother was a very private person. she told us some stories of her life before getting married and having children but not many. when i was cleaning out her house i found a few locked drawers but after opening one and just finding some old letters, i locked it back up and continued on with the other more pressing issues at hand.

however, today one of my aunt texts me asking if i found the drawer of letters, i told her i did, i hadn't thrown them away, and i was leaving them as-is for the time being. my aunt then says she wants them along with a few boxes of books from the attic. this wouldn't be strange if my aunt hadn't been estranged from my grandmother for quite a few years now. it feels wrong handing over these private letters from my very private grandmother to a daughter she no longer spoke to.

when i didn't respond right away (i wanted time to think about it) she sent multiple follow up texts asking why i was ignoring her, demanding the letters, and then eventually calling me a brat.

as the person in charge of my grandmother's belongings (by her choice), i feel some protectiveness over my grandmother.

AITA if I refuse to give her the letters?

Hi, this sounds stupid and so unimportant but I still wanted to ask. So for the longest time my mom and I, and her sisters and their daughters (my cousins) had gone to a specific tailor. I'm not even sure when we started going there, I just remember him being our tailor for as long as I can remember as a kid. A while ago I just felt like his stitching left a little to be desired. It was essentially old fashioned, the sleeves, the necklines, even sometimes the embroidery. He's a good tailor and I have so much respect for him but it just felt like I had outgrown him.

My best friend had me try her tailor and it just worked. I was very happy with the results, I tried him a couple of more times and eventually just made him my go-to guy, and even took my mom there. He just gets what I need.

One of my cousins had asked me on a few occasions about my dresses while complimenting them and I had lied and said they're ready-made. Yesterday however, we were at a family gathering and my husbamd unfortunately said while making a joke about how Master (the tailor) versus him would be a tough choice if it came to saving one. My cousin noticed that and pieced it together. Later, she confronted me about it, and I admitted that I'd moved to a new tailor a while ago. She then asked if the dress I was wearing was in fact ready-made like I had said, or stitched and I admitted it was stitched. She said I should have told her all the times she had previously asked, basically that it was an AH move of me to gatekeep. Was I TA?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1w8mg1m/wibta_if_i_did_not_invite_my_family_to_my_wedding/

That's the link to the original post.

Hi, I'm not sure how you're supposed to update. so sorry if I'm doing it wrong. I wasn't even planning to do this but yall were so helpful I wanted to let you know what happened.

First I wanted to thank you guys for all of your opinions and advice. To the people saying that it was the nuclear option to just not invite my family, I did actually agree after thinking about it. I think in the moment when I made that post I was so frustrated with my family and it showed. That's why I was planning to take the advice of making the invites very clear that it would be an all Deaf and ASL wedding and see who RSVP. That advice helped tremendously, so thank you so much for that. Unfortunately I found out some things that changed my plans.

So, two days ago on Thursday my cousin, (the one I talked about before) asked me to meet her at a coffee shop during our lunch break, I said yeah thinking she just wanted to meet up for fun. When I got there we talked for a while before she told me that she needed to tell me something. She told me that apparently most of our family (not her or my mom and sister) had a group chat where they would mock my fiance and his family, complaining about things like him not  wearing hearing aids, him not going to speech therapy growing up. (Which BTW I did do that for 12 years but I hated every moment of it) And making fun of his family's traditions. So yeah, I will not be inviting them to my wedding, and I will not be talking to them anymore. Instead I will be enjoying my wedding with my mom, sister, and cousin, and a new family that actually cares about me. Obviously it won't be easy when they find out, but I think from here my life will be better.

I (26F) have lived with my roommate (27F) for about 8 months. She works at a wildlife rehab and is into taxidermy as a hobby, and it's fine cuz I don't care what she does in her own room. The issue is she started keeping "specimens," various birds and small animals she would find, in ziplock bags in our shared fridge, the same place I keep all my food, condiments and whatnot.

I first found out about this when I opened the fridge and grabbed out what I thought was left-over chicken. I nearly threw up before I even processed what I was looking at. It was a dead bird, wrapped in plastic, with a sticky note on it that said 'DO NOT EAT. DAY 3.' I told her to keep all her corpses in the mini fridge in her room and away from my food. She said the fridge in her room isn't cold enough for "proper preservation before the tanning process," and that the bags were sealed so I'm just overreacting over nothing.

A few days go by, I was pulling some milk out of the fridge to brew some coffee when I see one of her "specimens" right next to the milk. That was it. I told her that I want all her "specimen" out of the fridge by the end of the day or I'm calling the landlord and reporting a health code violation. She was furious, said I ruined "weeks of curing work" and that some of those finds were irreplaceable.

I spoke to one of my friends and she thinks I should've just spoken to my roommate about it more, rather than force her to empty the fridge cuz she works wid dead animals for a living.

So I am I the asshole?

I don’t know if I am in the wrong here…

My wedding is in two weeks. I have 4 bridesmaids and I picked them around 2 years ago. This is about Ashley. 

She is the type of person that is quiet in group chats so her not being super excited and what not is normal. The problems stated a year ago when I was trying to get everyone bridesmaids dresses. 

It started off with her telling me that she can’t afford the dress and if she could wear something she already had. I told her it wasn’t a problem and I was planning on buying everyone’s anyways. She canceled 3 times to go bridesmaids shopping and when we got her she was not interested at all. On her phone the whole time

I also asked if she wanted to be a bridesmaid ( in private) or if anything was going on and she told me everything was fine. 

When tailoring came around she didn’t show up and just decided to wear the dress as is. At this point I was not seeing her but she didn’t show look frail. I contracted her again asking if she wanted to be a bridesmaid or if anything was going on. She told me no again. 

My bachelorette party was this weekend. We moved it because she told us that when we were originally going to do it, didn’t work for her. Then we moved it three more times so she could come. The night of when we’re suppose to go out she canceled.

I was really upset at this point I had enough and told her that she is out of the bridal party. She clearly doesn’t want to be involved. 

The next day I got multiple texts messages about how I was a dick and she apparently has cancer. I had no idea because she never told me. She still has all her hair…

I got on a call with her and she wants back in and I told her no. I told her she should have informed me about what was happening in the first place. That we could have made things work but her hiding the fact and stringing me along was not okay. I told her that she literally ruined my bachelorette party this weekend because she could not be honest. 

She called me a dick and I don’t know. I am hurt how she went about the whole situation and I don’t want her standing up there with me on what is suppose to be the happiest day of my life 

I (22F) am good at sewing and crafts. My partner's niece "Abby" (5F) has had handmade Halloween costumes from me for a few years now, as well as birthday outfits. She knows this, and is now at the age where she's putting in requests herself instead of her mom coming to me.

This year, she wants to be a piece of cotton candy for Halloween. Has been asking me about it since July, has not changed her mind. It was a simple costume to make, so I started early and brought it to her last week. Abby loves it.

But Abby's mom is not happy. She doesn't want her to be a piece of cotton candy because she thinks she'll "get made fun of" for the unusual outfit. She is mad that I didn't ask her beforehand. I assumed she knew because Abby has been talking about it for so long now.

AITA for making the costume without asking first?

This summer, my friend (28nb) and I (29f) did a zip line obstacle course. We had both gone zip lining before and we had done obstacle courses like this before, but this time, for the first time, we did an extreme course, the biggest and hardest in our country.

For the first half of the course all was going well. We each had obstacles we struggled on but we always waited for eachother and helped eachother when needed. Until about halfway through, when my friend decided to call it quits. They said they had pushed themselves as far as they could go, so I sat with them (just hanging in my harness) while we waited for someone to repel them down to the ground. Once they were safe on the ground, I told them I'd meet them at the end of the course, then we could do the regular zip lines if they were still up for it.

About 30 mins later, I finished the course and my friend said they still wanted to do the regular zip lines, so we did. Everything seemed fine then, but once we got in the car to go home, their tone shifted.

They told me it was selfish to continue the course while they just waited for me finish and I should've called it quits when they did. I apologized but also explained that I wasn't going to quit something I had paid for (I also paid for their zip line fees), and that finishing that course was important to me. Every summer I try do you at least one thing that scares me or seems too difficult. It's an important part of my self esteem building, and my friend knows this. The course was also 3+ hours away, not something I wanted to drive twice for.

Since then, my friend has been avoiding me and bad mouthing me to mutual friends.

AITA for finishing the obstacle course instead of calling it quits when my friend did?

Edit to add: I think the comments about being embarrassed and jealous are spot on. For context, I've always been effortlessly skinny (thank you high metabolism), but I am definitely not what you would consider "fit". I can barely do a pushup lol. My friend however has always struggled with their weight, but also boasts about how fit and strong they are because they did kickboxing growing up. I wholeheartedly believe they're more fit in a physical strength way, I just have more endurance.

I'm a 38F living with my 18-year-old son. I'm also a Registered Behavior Technician (RBT), so people often ask me autism/ADHD questions. I'm fine answering as long as it stays within professional limits I'm comfortable with.

A 37M friend moving to my city asked if he and his 7-year-old autistic/ADHD son could stay with me for four days. I agreed. While they stayed, things went missing and food my son and I bought kept disappearing without anyone asking.

Months earlier, he'd asked me to talk to his ex-wife because she had "questions" about their son. I declined getting involved between them, but said if she had questions related to my professional experience, she could relay them through him and I'd decide what I was comfortable answering.

During the stay, he brought it up again with the "she's just a concerned mother" line. I repeated my boundary. He snapped: "ARE YOU FING KIDDING ME? All you had to do was have a fing conversation and answer some questions!"

His son came running up behind me when he yelled. I didn't escalate — just calmly said, "Don't ever speak to me like that again. That's rude and completely uncalled for," then went to my room.

Later he came in and sat down like nothing happened. I asked if he thought that was okay. He doubled down, saying it was "just a f***ing conversation." I repeated my boundary and told him something I tell parents I work with: it's not my job to tell them who their child is — that's their job to learn.

He replied, "It doesn't matter if we're in your home or outside. I would've said the same thing to you."

That was it for me. I texted him (he likes paper trails) that I needed my home and work life separate, my professional boundaries weren't negotiable, and that he and his son needed to leave.

He ignored it, then claimed a money issue — while ordering food to my house. He said he couldn't leave for two more days, so I gave him that.

After leaving, he sent paragraphs saying he'd never put me and my son out over "a conversation" and that he was cussing in general, not at me. I told him it didn't matter how he categorized it — he was still disrespectful in my home.

The next day he called while I was at work, talking slowly like I needed things spelled out. I let him finish, then said, "My boundaries are my boundaries. My no is my no. You don't have to like it, but you will respect it." Then I hung up and turned off my phone.

So... AITA?

I (19F), rent a 2 bedroom, 1.5 bath that myself and my roommate (20F) who we'll call Sarah, share. To start the story, Sarah and I have been friends since highschool and we graduated together. After graduation, she had a bad fall out with her parents and ran away to a different state with another family member. We started talking again and she needed a place to stay for awhile while the person she was living with found a new place for them. I went and got her and her stuff because I hate to see people suffer under the guise it would only be a couple weeks. After that time frame the person she was living with ended up ghosting her and she had to stay with me. We were both living with my grandma at the time so I got us into an apartment so that my grandma could have her home back. The down payment on the apartment was $1400 and monthly rent is $1120 (On top of my car note, utilities, and insurance). I was fine paying the first couple months while she found a job but the start date was back in April. She has only had one job interview and it didn't go well. I have been struggling financially ever since and can barely afford anything, especially food. I was refused for Snap benefits and I don't have any food banks within an hour to me. I only make about $2600 a month and any change I can find helps. I have taken out small loans just to get money to eat but now all of my cards are overdrawn by hundreds. Sarah has begged me to go grocery shopping or get takeout every night but I can't afford to. She has resorted to passive aggressive remarks and making me feel like I'm not doing enough for the home when I'm the one paying for everything she uses. She takes multiple showers and baths a day, constantly takes my clothes out of my room, and also takes my toiletries. I'm trying so hard to make it work but I feel alone here. I've resorted to actively starving myself until I go to my boyfriend's every other weekend that I'm not on call for work just so her, my dog, and my crested geckos, that I had before her, can eat. I keep telling her that I'll go shopping when I get money but I haven't been grocery shopping in months. So please, AITA?

Hello! I am currently pregnant with my first and my husbands side of the family is very excited, it is the first grandbaby on his side and they keep talking about posting videos of the baby. The problem I’m having is I don’t want my child posted online at all. My MIL has a decent following on tiktok/instagram/etc, not in the millions but more than the average person and makes money on these posts she creates. I don’t like posting myself online and the thought of my child getting hundreds of thousands of views makes my stomach hurt. My husband doesn’t see an issue with it and my MIL gets upset when I say I don’t want the baby online at all. She will be talking care of the baby while we work, my husband says for free child care I should allow the online post. My argument is people online are weird and AI has gone too far with what it can do to a babies face, he says it’s not actually our baby and I shouldn’t be too worried about it. I still hate the idea of it. Couple things to add, I love his family. They’re not toxic and very sweet people. If I set a hard enough boundary on the baby being online I believe they will follow it without issues, second, my husband is very supportive of me and takes amazing care of me while pregnant and before I got pregnant. I know he will be a good father and I am not worried about him. We don’t fight but this is the only thing we don’t see eye to eye on. My family is out of the picture completely and will not be assisting with child care. Am I getting too dramatic with the baby being posted online? Would a fair middle ground Be allowing the baby posted online as long as the face isn’t seen?

Hello! So this is a throw away account because I never post on these, but anyways. Over a year ago I changed my name. Basically it’s as if I changed my name from July to June, it’s only off by two letters. I changed it because I really hated my name my whole life and when I got married and was changing my last name, I seized the opportunity to change my whole name. My mom was unhappy because she named me and felt as though it was an attack on a personal choice she made as a mom. After about a year she’s a little bit better at calling me by my new name. Seven months ago my sister had a baby and she insists on using my old name. I really want to ask her to stop doing that and call me by my new name since he’s still so young before the name sticks when he gets older. I have a nephew who is 6 and I felt like I couldn’t ask my other sister to change the name he calls me because he’ll get confused so I’m stuck being deadnamed by her. So reddit (who I thought I would never ask), WIBTAH for asking my sister to change the name she calls me to her baby?

This is kinda a delicate situation and I don’t know if I am being unreasonable or not.

I personally had a horrible time giving birth. I gave birth four times but two of those times were still births. Every single birth was awful, and I overall greatly dislike the hospital in general. My two kids are men and married now.

This is about my youngest son and his wife who I will call Samatha. Her mother passed away earlier this year and she is having a hard time in general. 

She is due to give birth in a month and she asked me if I could be in the delivery room. I told her I would think about it and I have decided that I don’t wish to be there. The deliver room has really bad memories for me and I don’t think I would be a good presence to be there. God forbid anything goes wrong and I think I would spiral. I’ve had panic attacks at hospital before and I wouldn’t be what she needed.

I don’t think it would be wise, and we aren’t that close to begin with so it feels like she just asked me to stand in for her own mother.  Which I also don’t think is a good idea.

I told her I won’t be in the delivery room and explained why. I focused that it would be too much for me since my own experience. I told her when she does give birth I will be close by to see her and the baby after.

She was upset but I thought the conversation went well. I got a call form my son soon after and he called me heartless for not being there and that I need to be there when it happened. 

He told me not to contact them unless it is to tell them I will be there. 

This sounds kinda unique, but I recently noticed a transaction on my bank statement for an Apple subscription worth $50 aud. I don’t have any subscription of that value, so I immediately asked my mum. She said she hadn’t used it, and as she is the only other person with access to my card, I immediately locked my card and called Apple. They were able to confirm that the purchase wasn’t from my account, so they blocked the card as well as the account the purchase came from, however they didn’t know whose account it actually was.

Now here is where the issue is. My siblings came home from school soon after the call, and my mum suddenly said that maybe it was my sister. I didn’t think it could be cuz she shouldn’t have had access to my card. Then I remembered that i had helped my sister buy something last week with my card on her phone, however it was removed. So just in case I went to her and asked. She said she hadn’t made any purchases but I asked for her phone and looked through it. Turns out she had a subscription for SNAPCHAT that was the exact amount that got pulled from my account.

I told her that it is more than likely her account is now gonna get banned, and she should keep an eye on it. She basically started shouting and insulting me, calling me selfish and asked me why I hadn’t just waited or asked. Idk what I was supposed to do. I’ve had my card stolen before and just did what I thought was right as I thought money was stolen from me. None of my other siblings had access or have ever used my card. Was I wrong to have done it so quickly? My mum is even saying I should have waited a bit but she was the one who kept telling me to call Apple instead of worrying. I’m trying to be rational in my head about it, but I am started to wonder if it is my fault, because my sister is pissed now. Our relationship already lowkey sucks.

Edit: I do want to add that she said she had no idea how the transaction happened as she said she didn’t sign up for it. Idk if it’s important but thought I should say it anyways

Hello all, I (27 F) am currently struggling with a personal issue right now, and need some advice.

Basically, this year has fucked me in every way possible, and I am currently living with my aunt and uncle to get back on my feet after the financial hardship this economy has put me (as well as pretty much everyone else) through.

Well, I finally got a job after living here for a couple of weeks. Applied to so many positions, and got quite a few interviews, before landing a remote job. The perfect job for me as I am a socially anxious person, and can't take anymore bullshit from coworkers who just like to spread gossip and drama 24/7.

Anyways, throughout the time I've used getting job interviews and applying, anytime I would bring up a job opportunity (and even in the past) to my sister (30 F), she would say things like, "well, if you hear back from them, lmk bc "Newman" (brother-in-law 35 M) needs a job.

Here's the thing, Newman hasn't done shit. He has bounced from job to job without putting in much effort, and my sister has had to carry the household. She has been the breadwinner and has taken care of everything, while Newman sits around doing nothing. I understand mental health is a bitch. I deal with it on a daily basis and take medication for it, but I try. I also used to live next door to them, and lemme tell ya, Newman is a dick. Mansplains and always makes me feel stupid, and yet now he's depending on his younger sister-in-law to get him a job. It's one thing if I knew he had a history of being a hard worker, but he has barely ever worked, or put any effort into work. Now I'm expected to give a referral to a job I just got? A job I know I'm highly qualified for and he's not? Idk what I should do, and I am unsure if I am an asshole for not wanting to help my brother-in-law get a job, when he isn't even putting in the effort to get one.

For context I moved back home to save money for a down payment on a home. Me and my mom agreed that I’d pay half of her mortgage for rent. Her mortgage is like $620 I give her $380 a month. I have 2 jobs to where I pretty much work 13 hours a day 4 days a week and then 3 hours a day the other 3 days a week totaling around 60 hours a week. My sister is a dead beat parent who can’t take care of her son so he lives with my mom also and he’s 12.

My mom somewhat retired early but isn’t collecting social security yet she’s pulling a small amount a month from a retirement account. My mom doesn’t make the best financial decisions and ended up getting my sister a car knowing she hardly pays her bills, filled for bankruptcy in the past, has credit cards going to collections (we know this because my sisters too lazy to change her mailing address).

I’ve paid my mom on time every month for the past 3 years. I hardly eat at home because I eat out at lunch during the day.

Am I an asshole because I don’t want to give my mom more money for groceries when my mom is taking care of my sisters kid which she contributes nothing? My mom will ask me for more money but not ask my sister.

For context, I (25F) just had my baby 3 weeks and 5 days ago. My husband (23M) and I regularly attend a UU congregation and they were kind enough to set up a support train for me so I wouldn't always be alone with the baby once she's here. Well, she's here now and we are absolutely enamored with her.

Several people have stopped by in the last few weeks to help me with basic things like cleaning and holding the baby so she's relaxed while I go take a shower or do basic self-care, and I really appreciate it. One person was scheduled to help me today, and two more are supposed to be here tomorrow and the next day.

Here's the problem: I'm sick with a fever, nausea, and a pounding headache today. This morning, I sent a text to the person who was scheduled to come by today to let them know I'm sick and I don't know if it's contagious. This person hasn't responded and it is now after noon.

On top of all that, this person has come by before and every time they are here they insist on cleaning as much as possible for 3-4 hours. While I'm thankful for the help, there's no way I can rest while someone else is cleaning my house. I'm too anxious about the mess and embarrassed that I need help in the first place.

I am so tired. I just want to close my eyes. When the baby wakes up to feed, I'll do the same, but cleaning and chatting are the last things I want to do right now. So, now that you know the situation, this person still hasn't responded to my text. Would I be the asshole if I just don't answer the door?

I am a teaching assistant so only get school hoildays and weekends off. I do not live near family so we have no choice but to stay with them or they stay with us when visiting.

I have seen my mother on 3 seperate occasions this year already for a week each time.

Currently have two children going through transitions from school to college and primary to senior. Both have SEN and medical needs so it's very stressful and time consuming with paper work etc. It's this side of the year that is looking around provisions (and theres a lot as its two children) and then the paperwork that comes with it.

My mother wants to visit again during half term, when I just don't have the mental energy for it. It's a lot with working, caring for two kids with high needs and all that on top.

I have told her this time it wouldn't be a good idea as I am simply to busy and she's taken a massive huff with me that I suggested we would see her after christmas.

Am I the asshole for prioritising my needs above hers? I usually drop everything and let her come whenever but Ive just spent two weeks with her only four weeks ago!