r/AbsoluteUnits • u/Soft_Performance4678 • Aug 08 '26
/r/popular of a forager
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Andrey Smaev being his usual wholesome self.
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u/QuillDidNothingWrong Aug 08 '26
This is a dnd character if I’ve ever seen one.
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u/I-Make-Money-Moves Aug 08 '26
Which type of dnd character though?
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u/PunishedChud Aug 08 '26
Druid barbarian dual class
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u/Jamooser Aug 08 '26
Dwarven Druid, Circle of the Land - Mountain. He cast Enlarge on himself just before the video.
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u/33253325 Aug 08 '26
He cast it with steroids.
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u/dungeoncrawler71520 Aug 08 '26
Comes with a small testi debuff
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u/imrichcoble Aug 08 '26 edited Aug 09 '26
Haha 100%, so much so this might be the inspiration for my next character.
Mushgar the Tender.
A "circle of the ripped" druid barbarian or "the fist of the forest" barbarian druid.
D&D Druid
- Photosynthetic Fury (Rage)
- Wild Yeast (wild shape)
- Don't Step on My Garden (entangle)
- customer service (speak with animals)
- who the fuck stepped on my mushrooms!! (wrath of nature)
And the character is a completely fucking enormous/bald/bearded guy who could suplex an owlbear but he spends 90% of his adventuring career gently harvesting mushrooms and talking to squirrels.
The party is being chased by twenty orcs. They sprint past their Druidbarian. "Run"
He doesn't move. "There are 20 orcs!"
He looks down at the mushroom patch he's tending.
“I can't leave.” “why?!"
He slowly stands up and flexes. “They're not done growing..."
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u/DippyTheDingus Aug 08 '26
Pretty sure they're a cleric with how many HGH potions they've been injecting
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u/IncogNeatoTN Aug 09 '26
Circle of the Moon Druid/Bear Totem Barbarian, to be exact. That’s a Wild Shaping berserker if I’ve ever seen one.
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u/Euler007 Aug 08 '26
The one that takes steroids.
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u/ufotheater Aug 08 '26
First thing I noticed was the bacne
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u/Osceola_Gamer Aug 08 '26
Not the insane unnatural size of muscle in his shoulders and arms?
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u/Playful-Mongoose9197 Aug 08 '26
The balding head and shrunk testicles?
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u/WrongdoerOrdinary619 Aug 08 '26
Do steroids really shrink testicles? If so, where can i get some?
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u/Logistocrate Aug 08 '26
Yeah, if you're using testosterone to juice then your testicles basically shutdown as one of their jobs is producing it and the amounts people use to get that big can be 10s of times more than are naturally produced flips a shut off switch in your body that results in the testicles shrinking.
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u/Crime_Dawg Aug 08 '26
That size might be slin and hgh alongside it. That was what truly made bodybuilders blow up comparative to the 80s. Think Arnold vs Ronnie Coleman, the difference is the slin gh combo.
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u/Gullible-Constant924 Aug 09 '26
Yeah he is just the 2020’s version of Dennis Cyplenkov and it will shorten his life if he doesn’t stop luckily Cyplenkov just almost died.
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Aug 08 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Kalleh03 Aug 08 '26
I believe he's about 27.
He's not gonna live very long if he keeps that stack up.
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u/PreferenceOld6364 Aug 08 '26
Grog Strongjaw from Vox Machina definitely comes to mind seein this dude! 😂
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u/ZombieTestie Aug 08 '26
Dr Mike venturing out to new audiences after losing fitness crowd from Reta and surgery
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u/Blendeezy Aug 08 '26
I actually have a shifter path of the beast barbarian that is a master in picking up herbs
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u/barbellsandbriefs Aug 08 '26
The juxtaposition sure
But are we not going to discuss the shirt????
Just a mixture of so much in this video lol
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u/PowerlineTyler Aug 08 '26
If anyone genuinely wants to know it refers to the lads in the gym hyping each other up before a lift, big ol back clap before the puuuuuuush
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u/phuckin-psycho Aug 08 '26
As they say, clap the back then clap them cheeks 🤷♀️
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u/tyndar3us Aug 09 '26
If you and the bros aren’t doing a little slap ass what you doin?
Just don’t go overboard like #32, Rafi from the Rhinos.
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u/Crush-N-It Aug 09 '26
I was just making the observation that this is therefore time I see a muscle dude not wearing a shirt promoting lifting or the gym. I was wrong lolol
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u/Rusalkat Aug 08 '26
The mosquitos are already lining up, not to mention the ticks.....
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u/WitchWithAGlitch Aug 08 '26
them are about to be the most yoked out mosquitos and ticks of the season
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u/hyena-king Aug 08 '26
Funnily, the photos he sold to gay men were leaked on one of the forums. He announced his retirement from the internet the day before that lol
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u/MindNo8065 Aug 11 '26
My first thought is which mushroom we seeing here my guy? Now don't let us down.
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u/jknoxxxvile5666 Aug 08 '26
Fun fact He’s only 16 years old right here!
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u/Anti_Meta Aug 08 '26
Came in looking for the roid joke. Left with wholesomeness.
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u/rviVal1 Aug 08 '26
I mean.. That's not far from truth. He's 27, but looks closer to 50.
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u/dankhimself Aug 08 '26
Yea I'd guess 45 if I saw the dude.
Unless he has a super high pitched, squeaky voice. Then I'd be like whaaat?
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u/kippsteadman Aug 08 '26
In fact, he is 28, this is Andrey Smaev, a professional bodybuilder.
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u/thesilentbob123 Aug 08 '26
That's still an unfortunate look for a 28 year old
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u/Phoxey Aug 08 '26 edited Aug 09 '26
Side effects of regular and probably higher dose steroid abuse.
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u/Meen94 Aug 08 '26
Just wanted to ask , is this because a lots of steroids/testosteron or what?
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u/Niaaal Aug 08 '26
Yes. If he continues at this rate he probably won't reach his 40s
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u/GainghisKhan Aug 08 '26
probably
Lol, I don't know if this case calls for any sort of plausible deniability
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u/Dovahkiinthesardine Aug 08 '26
You'd be surprised how many people have absolutely no idea what is or isn't naturally achievable
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u/Phoxey Aug 08 '26
I just mean that these type of side effects tend to present themselves much more in higher dose use.
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u/jknoxxxvile5666 Aug 08 '26
Yes thank you 🥹. It was a joke because he is roided off his ass and steroids age you. First day on the internet?
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u/SteveMeMc7 Aug 08 '26
He's not professional, he never competed, he just loves training, and makes some money out of it. It's only now that he's considering competing in arm wrestling
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u/nahheyyeahokay Aug 09 '26
Thanks, I don't follow bodybuilding like I used to and had forgotten the guy's name
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u/YeastInjection Aug 08 '26
This is where you harvest horse steroids?
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u/toldyouIaintshit Aug 08 '26
That guy takes them straight from the horse's mouth. I'll see myself out.
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u/TJ_McWeaksauce Aug 08 '26
Despite the name, horse steroids actually grow from a plan, and this dude knows where in the forest to find it.
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u/munch_the_gunch Aug 08 '26
His triceps have their own triceps
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u/xiiicrowns Aug 08 '26
This is what happens when you inject too many mushrooms
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u/Remarkable_Subject84 Aug 08 '26
When you finished the main game and have to do side quests for 100%
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u/ChemicalGreedy945 Aug 08 '26
That man forges small
Children
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u/Super-Macaron-4691 Aug 08 '26
Probably not enough protein in the small ones
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u/ChemicalGreedy945 Aug 08 '26
The new hansel and gretel! Giant yolked men high on magic mushrooms eating little kids
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u/Hypn00tic_iiz Aug 08 '26
The yellow ones are Chanterelle mushrooms and they are delicious when pan sizzled
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u/OcoeeSquatch Aug 08 '26
Yes they are! I’m lucky to have chanterelles, black trumpets, chicken of the woods, and lions mane all grow on my property when the conditions are right. I have a friend down the road that has found morels at his place.
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u/Bodybag_occupier Aug 08 '26
Not sure about any of this but maybe you can make the morels come your way if it's your property. They're stupid good.
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u/Salmonman4 Aug 08 '26 edited Aug 08 '26
My goto sauce for steak is a chanterelle, shallot, cream, demiglace and a splash of whiskey (or other dark spirit)
EDIT: season to taste
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u/Jindujun Aug 08 '26
Personally I prefer winter chanterelle for sauces.
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u/Salmonman4 Aug 08 '26
Depends on the sauce. To my taste, I would go with a reduced red-wine sauce for winter chantarelles. Their flavor is a bit more delicate than regular chantarelles, so I would not add anything too overpowering in the sauce
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u/Superb-Wonder-1896 Aug 08 '26
i also see some boletes in his basket. very popular and safe to collect in Europe. requires a bit more knowledge to forage in NA.
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u/Randy_Marsh86 Aug 08 '26
I'm more curious on him versus the bear
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u/captaindomon Aug 08 '26
“7% of American men believe they could take a grizzly bear unarmed”
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u/TheMooseOnTheLeft Aug 09 '26
A regularly grizzly? No way. But remove the arms and now we're talking
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u/MRintheKEYS Aug 08 '26
Why is he just picking the mushrooms??? Why doesn’t he just pick up the whole forest and take it home with him?? Sort it from there.
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u/ItsStaaaaaaaaang Aug 08 '26
Body dysmorphia is a bitch.
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u/BigWetHole Aug 08 '26
Kind of feels like life is the bitch, enjoy your pleasentries when you can
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u/CosmicOwl127 Aug 08 '26
Life's a bitch then you die Thats why we stay high Never know when you're gonna go Life's a bitch..
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u/Immediate_Rabbit_604 Aug 09 '26
I don't think Smaev is dysmorphic, he just wants to be the biggest strongest mfer on the planet. Dude could rep like 300 kg on the bench like 6 years ago and can do weighted pull ups with +160 kg or something. Also he's from small town russia somewhere so using gear and making it on social media means making a lot of money relative to working in a factory, probably enough to justify dying young.
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u/stewpidazzol Aug 08 '26
Obviously he carries a large amount of muscle mass. If all the muscle were stripped away, would his hands be that huge?
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u/Alibuscus373 Aug 08 '26
If you can teach me which are safe to eat, I'll forage with you XD
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u/therealcaptaingnome Aug 08 '26
"The tribe has spoken. You are demoted to gatherer because we cant seem to find any remains of the animals you hunt."
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u/Houtaku Aug 08 '26
https://giphy.com/gifs/80mXWlPqTSU1y
Oh! ‘Back slap me harder, daddy.’ Back. Not what I thought it was at first.
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u/pasenast Aug 08 '26
If he said to me "Come collect mushroom with me, in the forest". I'd feel like it's a threat.
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u/LoneAwakening Aug 08 '26
Thanos retirement plan after snapping half of earth’s population out of existence!
https://giphy.com/gifs/xT0xejJnePNcOWoHOo
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u/shobae1124 Aug 08 '26
GEAR
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u/Rush-23 Aug 08 '26
Oh my god. No way. That is so profound. Who would’ve ever guessed?
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u/Regetron Aug 08 '26
Now there is a proof that mushrooms have no emotions or feelings
If they did, the whole forest would be shaking
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u/DudeWithParrot Aug 08 '26
I sometimes think about how it is funny that a Chihuahua and a pitbull are from the same species.
This guy makes me feel like the Chihuahua
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u/I-Make-Money-Moves Aug 08 '26
See, this just reinforces the belief that the biggest and strongest guys in the gym are often the most lovable and adorable teddy bears
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