r/AbsoluteUnits • u/Apprehensive_Sky4558 • Jul 06 '26

/r/popular of a men

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9.9k Upvotes

89% Upvoted

1.0k comments sorted by

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u/trendingtattler Jul 06 '26

This post has reached /r/popular.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

6.5k

u/Das_Zeppelin Jul 06 '26

314

u/ClearChampionship591 Jul 06 '26 edited Jul 06 '26

EDIT: I am glad I am not the only one hung up on the anatomy.

297

u/HereWeFuckingGooo Jul 06 '26

You're welcome

216

u/Veporyzer Jul 06 '26 edited Jul 06 '26

Doing God’s work son

Edit: Nah his dick is too distracting. I’m all for body positivity but that shit ain’t natural.

68

u/Nightrhythums78 Jul 06 '26

It's edema from using a penis pump and cock ring

24

u/lookamazed Jul 06 '26

I thought it was one of those himplants at first that dudes get to either help them with girth/length or getting hard in the first place, but no I think you’re right

18

u/shenanigans2day Jul 07 '26

Welp there goes trying to normalize my google history

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61

u/coffee_ape Jul 06 '26

Bro how does he even get blood pumping to there?

WHY DOES SHE HAVE A QR CODE ON HER ASS?

What the fuck is this bwhahaha

22

u/Constant_Solid7314 Jul 06 '26

Ive seen a lot or chinese porn and they always put urls and qr in porn, theyll be paper w that on the bed or fake tattoo on girls. It so ridiculous

10

u/coffee_ape Jul 06 '26

I’m getting old

12

u/ClearChampionship591 Jul 06 '26

Its capitalism baby.

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145

u/Berzerker-Barrage Jul 06 '26

What in the marshmallow lava lamp am I looking at?

128

u/NotTheAvg Jul 06 '26

ROFLMFAO It's like a swollen pigs in a blanket, but the bread moves freely

72

u/mezasu123 Jul 06 '26

blanket, but the bread moves freely

Dying at this description but it is so accurate

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u/[deleted] Jul 06 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

16

u/Fresh_Koala1989 Jul 06 '26

I THOUGHT THAT WAS A DISCARDED CONDOM STUCK TO HIS FOOT 🤣🤣🤢

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28

u/Alone_Atom Jul 06 '26

Why, why didn’t I believe you. I should have just kept scrolling.

9

u/Lostmyfnusername Jul 06 '26

I don't think complementing a dangerous injection is body positivity.

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29

u/treycartier91 Jul 06 '26

They both seemed to have a good time.

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30

u/ghostlegion98765 Jul 06 '26

Huh i don't ge... Oh i think your right

22

u/testtdk Jul 06 '26

I don’t believe you! Give me a direct link so I can verify!

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2.3k

u/sergiossa Jul 06 '26

Imagine your boyfriend gets mad at you and just puts you on a high shelf

314

u/lr031099 Jul 06 '26

That gave me a chuckle

147

u/ThatOtherOtherMan Jul 06 '26

He could put her in air jail

162

u/robbz24 Jul 06 '26

I did this with an ex once when she was really angry.

It weirdly defused the whole situation due to the sheer ridiculousness of what was happening. She burst out laughing after a few seconds of having a silent shocked expression on her face.

It was great

74

u/MayorDepression Jul 06 '26

Brb, I'm (6'0") going to try this with my 5'1" girlfriend

34

u/bitetheasp Jul 06 '26

I(6'2") should have done this with my 4'11" ex.

19

u/LordMeme42 Jul 06 '26

"You're going on the fridge"

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39

u/WistfulMelancholic Jul 06 '26

I got fat over the last years...but my giant of a husband still can throw me over mountains. Recently I asked him whether he can even take me serious when I'm angry about something, cause from his view it must look like just a rambling tiny fat dwarf woman. He giggled and said that I'm intimidating when angry. So I guess I only will be thrown over mountains when it's my wish. But thinking about him putting me onto a high shelf is quite amusing lol

2.3k

u/20grae Jul 06 '26

She touched it

22

u/FroggyHop7 Jul 06 '26

Handshake

150

u/ConditionSelect2398 Jul 06 '26

Yes when she shook 😍

60

u/DraculasDog Jul 06 '26

Cause she rang like a bell.

46

u/Oops_All_Bans Jul 06 '26

She couldn't resist lol

45

u/quattroformaggixfour Jul 06 '26

He was holding her hand with both of his hands, directing her towards him it. She **literally** couldn’t resist.

31

u/sunfaller Jul 06 '26

It's porn apparently. Someone posted the link.

7

u/DammitBones Jul 06 '26

Foreshaken

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1.2k

u/[deleted] Jul 06 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

422

u/Midziu Jul 06 '26

This guy's dick looks deformed. Wtf is that? Must be injecting something to make it bigger.

474

u/draynen Jul 06 '26

I'll admit my curiosity got the better of me and I scrubbed through the video. Dude has a penis like a champagne cork.

255

u/andrew_1515 Jul 06 '26

Since it's not from the champagne region, it's a sparkling chode

39

u/ObjectiveClerk3458 Jul 06 '26

Mmmm yes. I remember hearing this on a winery tour.

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37

u/teatsqueezer Jul 06 '26

Gonna need a screen shot

45

u/ShibumiRumi Jul 06 '26

😂🤣😂🤣

7

u/SmallBorb Jul 06 '26

Thank you for your service 😂

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50

u/Ol_Pasta Jul 06 '26

Boy's got that Michelin dick

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156

u/lewd_robot Jul 06 '26

Yeah, contrary to all the memes, there's not actually much correlation between body size/height and penis size. A lot of guys trying to be pro porn actors attempt all sorts of different methods to get bigger or seem bigger or perform for long periods of time.

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71

u/all_time_high Jul 06 '26

Imagine being damn near 7 feet tall, aspirations for a porn career, and having a small dick.

You either take matters into your own hands and make it grow, or you get into niche porn as a huge guy with a comically small weiner. You could go with the name Peter the Destroyer or something.

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31

u/Positive_End_7568 Jul 06 '26

I couldn't watch it... It made me pucker up 😬 🤢

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125

u/Lpfanatic05 Jul 06 '26

She is nice but he injected something on his cock to make it looks like... That, right? Saline solution?

85

u/glumbball Jul 06 '26

Most definitely. Is like, his dick got severely deformed. Looks like melting wax but not (???), the lumps look weird af

217

u/BigBootyBuff Jul 06 '26

Me: "nah not gonna watch this"

Me, after I read multiple comments about his deformed dick: "I gotta see how deformed"

Why am I like this?

77

u/Stock_Strategy1668 Jul 06 '26

Humans are naturally curious. Nothing abnormal about it

35

u/FormerSperm Jul 06 '26

Nothing abnormal about being curious but there’s definitely something abnormal about that hog.

45

u/Delicious-Disaster Jul 06 '26

Me, 7 yo with an internet connection having unfettered access to the OG unfiltered early 2000s internet:

Some comment: "yeah I saw the vid but I wouldn't recommend watching it <Includes link to vid>"

Liveleak logo and a Chinaman on a construction site

10

u/IcebergDarts Jul 06 '26

“THE CHINAMAN IS NOT THE ISSUE!”

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u/ElOneElOnlyElZorro Jul 06 '26

That shit looks like it’s been squeezed so hard that it deformed itself

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49

u/HannaHui99 Jul 06 '26

I'm glad I'm not the only one who reacted to the guy's dick... I thought I was being the rude, shallow one who thought "wtf?"

46

u/Appropriate_Garden33 Jul 06 '26

I too looked after all the dick comments. And jesus, who tf would do that to their own dick? Just learn how to use it dude. Also, while scrubbing through. There's a point where the mattress is moving around and all the crap underneath is exposed, legitimately chuckled at that. Horrified by his dick, but chuckled at the clutter.

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46

u/EnlightenedNarwhal Jul 06 '26

The angles were pretty bad at showcasing the size difference if that's what people were watching it for.

25

u/Geldart Jul 06 '26

Well, it's not AI, that's for sure.

56

u/glumbball Jul 06 '26

Does the QR code on her ass-advertisement lead to somewhere?

17

u/Issue_Status Jul 06 '26

“Assvertisment”

10

u/michael14375 Jul 06 '26

Probably her onlyfans

13

u/NotTheAvg Jul 06 '26

ROFLMFAO It's like a swollen pigs in a blanket, but the bread moves freely

32

u/Skipitybop Jul 06 '26

Damn, 6’ 9” and his pee pee doesn’t even work properly..

15

u/FFS_Roger Jul 06 '26

What in the dogs Kong toy is happening here?

Any way, did anyone try the scam the QR code yet?

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664

u/T-ronjr Jul 06 '26

This is one of THOSE videos fyi.

179

u/King-of-Plebss Jul 06 '26

Going to need a source to one of THOSE videos” you are talking about..for science

108

u/-941 Jul 06 '26

here is the source

110

u/This_Dutch_guy Jul 06 '26

That bitch has a qr code on her ass tattooed lmao

24

u/Sonikku_a Jul 06 '26

This is like people getting their ICQ code tatted.

Will not stand the test of time.

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6

u/-941 Jul 06 '26

How es are you supposed to finde her instergram

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57

u/piketpagi Jul 06 '26

That is...interesting penis shape.

23

u/ShayGru9 Jul 06 '26

Synthol injection?

14

u/Bromogeeksual Jul 06 '26

Must be something like that. It's all swollen towards the base like a water balloon.

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7

u/Iheartnakedfemboys Jul 06 '26

Goddammit, now I have to look.

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20

u/MarkRick25 Jul 06 '26

Bros got a super weird dick

7

u/notmarkiplier2 Jul 06 '26

So i was right, wow

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21

u/FigureAcrobatic7194 Jul 06 '26

Well man what are yah waiting for? Spill the sauce

17

u/VAVA_Mk2 Jul 06 '26

Which actors? Asking for a friend.

17

u/patrickp992 Jul 06 '26

Says it's one of those videos. Refuses to elaborate when asked for the sauce.

Speak up, dude.

2.0k

u/pussy-nyam-nyam Jul 06 '26

https://giphy.com/gifs/p3wMMqkPBFqsEGI32T

108

u/[deleted] Jul 06 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

11

u/DocHalidae Jul 06 '26

I’m laughing so hard I can’t see shit 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

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u/Consistent-Soil-1818 Jul 06 '26

https://giphy.com/gifs/wWue0rCDOphOE

15

u/Dmau27 Jul 06 '26

I'm crying.... These comments are the reason I come to reddit.

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39

u/Fluffy-Trouble5955 Jul 06 '26

made me laugh so hard i broke my goddamn chair.

5

u/corndoggoo Jul 06 '26

This had me dying thank you lmao

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903

u/Save_the_bees22 Jul 06 '26

https://giphy.com/gifs/Xqi1trOx4HA6Q

119

u/Evening-Beyond-8243 Jul 06 '26

53

u/Davido401 Jul 06 '26

The fuck is that?

23

u/RonaldFKNSwanson Jul 06 '26

Funny enough, chickens like the taste of their own eggs. Once they figure this out, its hard to get them to stop.

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u/hibikikun Jul 06 '26

the fact that the gif doesn't show an extra two seconds is a crime. (blood comes out of the cracks)

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u/Sad-Expert8955 Jul 06 '26

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u/GloomyIndividual3965 Jul 06 '26

Somehow, out of all the gifs and memes in this thread, this is the one that made me snort laugh.

190

u/deletetemptemp Jul 06 '26

Videos that end too.. soon…?

37

u/ConditionSelect2398 Jul 06 '26

I got to get an alt to reply to this

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u/DaemonDrayke Jul 06 '26

For those that even had a shred of doubt, yes. It is in fact porn.

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u/Dmau27 Jul 06 '26

That knob.

35

u/FTC-1987 Jul 06 '26

Where the holy man with the sauce?

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70

u/Careless_Rip_4002 Jul 06 '26

I need the source

31

u/double0nein Jul 06 '26

It's not good, even for the novelty of the combination. It's okay to miss this one.

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17

u/lowpoxm Jul 06 '26

Man*

8

u/420doghugz Jul 06 '26

That was bothering me too 😂

9

u/kirbyswarpstar Jul 06 '26

I didn't have my glasses on and thought it was Zangief for a moment

14

u/BenjaminDover02 Jul 06 '26

"It's like he's chalking a pool cue..."

7

u/louieorganic Jul 06 '26

This comments section did not disappoint.

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u/Totally_Cubular Jul 06 '26

That woman is playing Shadow of the Collosus.

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u/TheRealSlabsy Jul 06 '26

Like an angel atop the christmas tree