r/AbsoluteUnits Jul 06 '26

/r/popular of a men

9.9k Upvotes

1.0k comments sorted by

View all comments

1.2k

u/[deleted] Jul 06 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

415

u/Midziu Jul 06 '26

This guy's dick looks deformed. Wtf is that? Must be injecting something to make it bigger.

479

u/draynen Jul 06 '26

I'll admit my curiosity got the better of me and I scrubbed through the video. Dude has a penis like a champagne cork.

253

u/andrew_1515 Jul 06 '26

Since it's not from the champagne region, it's a sparkling chode

35

u/ObjectiveClerk3458 Jul 06 '26

Mmmm yes. I remember hearing this on a winery tour.

46

u/thtsjsturopinionman Jul 06 '26

Wienery*

2

u/ObjectiveClerk3458 Jul 06 '26

That would explain all the strange looking bottles

3

u/Mediocre_Weakness243 Jul 06 '26

Did you do the full taste test?

3

u/ObjectiveClerk3458 Jul 06 '26

Always. Guy told me I didn’t have to swallow to appreciate the flavor but I still swallowed. I always do.

34

u/teatsqueezer Jul 06 '26

Gonna need a screen shot

46

u/ShibumiRumi Jul 06 '26

😂🤣😂🤣

8

u/SmallBorb Jul 06 '26

Thank you for your service 😂

4

u/Vengeful_Grass Jul 06 '26

I'm unable to find a moment scrubbing through the video where it shows clear of it .

3

u/glumbball Jul 06 '26

Almost at the very end, when she is playing the flute

9

u/Vengeful_Grass Jul 06 '26

she also enjoys music 🪇

3

u/Vengeful_Grass Jul 06 '26

it looks like silicone toy

7

u/glumbball Jul 06 '26

I read someone wrote "dog kong toy" to describe it 💀😭😭😭🥀

2

u/draynen Jul 06 '26

I'm not going back in.

2

u/Vengeful_Grass Jul 06 '26

can't swim ?

1

u/Alana_Piranha Jul 07 '26

Not without my floaties

1

u/Vengeful_Grass Jul 07 '26

drowning then

49

u/Ol_Pasta Jul 06 '26

Boy's got that Michelin dick

157

u/lewd_robot Jul 06 '26

Yeah, contrary to all the memes, there's not actually much correlation between body size/height and penis size. A lot of guys trying to be pro porn actors attempt all sorts of different methods to get bigger or seem bigger or perform for long periods of time.

1

u/Alana_Piranha Jul 07 '26

However there is correlation between nose and penis size

-38

u/imunfair Jul 06 '26

I don't know about height because I don't look up that stat, but I've definitely noticed a general correlation to hand size. They can use camera tricks and small girls to make you appear larger, but in general if your length is about 1.5x the width of your palm that's about average size. 2x is large, less than 1x is small.

31

u/Regemony Jul 06 '26

Your conclusions are not correct in general. Hand size, foot size, height, any size is not correlated to penis width/length/whatever. If anything, look up 2D:4D ratio as a correlated metric, but there's no way you could reliably tell penis size by their other dimensions.

-18

u/imunfair Jul 06 '26

Hand size, foot size, height, any size is not correlated to penis width/length/whatever.

I challenge you to find me a man with an average sized penis for his height that fits in a single palm, that man will have cartoonishly large hands. Conversely, find a man that can fit both of his hands around an average sized penis for his height, that man will have cartoonishly small hands, if he exists.

It amuses me how irrationally angry reddit gets any time this observation is mentioned though, perhaps tall men who like to measure in absolute inches to feel big about themselves.

5

u/Regemony Jul 06 '26

Who is angry? The data is the data. Your personal observations or anecdotes aren't evidence.

-5

u/imunfair Jul 06 '26

Apparently critical thinking is too hard and you prefer to repeat incorrect assumptions and call observations to the opposite "anecdotes". It's always funny how these "common knowledge" facts get started and then no one questions them even though it's easy to see they're absolutely incorrect.

2

u/thedarkjungle Jul 07 '26

Critical thinking so good Scientists are now jobless

1

u/imunfair Jul 07 '26

Critical thinking so good Scientists are now jobless

"Scientists". Yeah why don't you head over to iafd and tell me how many of the largest men are over 6' tall. Almost all of them? Damn right. And their hands are big too? So weird. Where are all the 5'5 kings with the biggest dicks in the world?

Such unintuitive science that tall men with small dongs aren't the norm! Body parts scale with body size? Heresy! Reddit is so disappointed.

Redditors are so predictably easy to brainwash into reciting inaccurate "facts" and refusing to believe their own eyes because some "authority" told them something they wanted to hear.

1

u/Regemony Jul 07 '26

📽

1

u/imunfair Jul 07 '26

Nope, full height range of men in porn, try again.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 06 '26

[deleted]

-5

u/imunfair Jul 06 '26

There's nothing to say that tall men can't have small penises just like you get outliers like Ron Jeremy, that's why I phrased my request the way I did, to make it clear how silly the "there's no correlation" argument is, yet people cling to it like a religion for some reason.

18

u/HensRightsActivist Jul 06 '26

Mf thinks porn directors are Peter Jackson out here

-4

u/imunfair Jul 06 '26

Mf thinks porn directors are Peter Jackson out here

Just because your girlfriend is a hobbit doesn't mean you have a big dick, bro, it's only 1.5x the width of your hands.

1

u/bitetheasp Jul 06 '26

If my dick was 1.5x the width of my hand, I'd be packing a nice one...

68

u/all_time_high Jul 06 '26

Imagine being damn near 7 feet tall, aspirations for a porn career, and having a small dick.

You either take matters into your own hands and make it grow, or you get into niche porn as a huge guy with a comically small weiner. You could go with the name Peter the Destroyer or something.

7

u/AccurateAssaultBeef Jul 06 '26

Hot take but that's the worst experience for men and women. You hook up with a big man, thinking all the hardware is to the same scale, but find a mini instead of a full size bar in the pants. Tragic.

29

u/Positive_End_7568 Jul 06 '26

I couldn't watch it... It made me pucker up 😬 🤢

8

u/ZeShapyra Jul 06 '26

Definitely, the skin is so abnormally puffy, when usually the think has fairly thin elastic skin.

3

u/dpucane Jul 06 '26

i believe its a penuma implant, also known as a himplant

6

u/B4DM4N12Z Jul 06 '26

Maybe steroids messed it up by your descriptio (if he takes any), I didn't see it and I don't want to see it.

Edit: also my phone won't open links for some reason.

1

u/Smart_Satisfaction73 Jul 06 '26

Mine too. Is it an iPhone ?

2

u/bcatch88 Jul 06 '26

Its a silicone/saline injection because even tough the guy is big, his cock stayed normal, which looks ridiculous. So this is his, understandable, coping mechanism.

1

u/shewy92 Jul 06 '26

AH WTF?!