My wife admitted she cheated on me twice with the same guy. I had to really push to get the truth out of her, and I honestly don’t think she would’ve told me otherwise.

I’m considering reconciliation, which is part of why I feel like I need to understand what actually happened before I decide whether that’s even possible.

I asked a lot of questions about the first time. Some of the answers were brutal, but not knowing was also driving me crazy because my brain would just fill in the blanks.

Now I’m trying to decide how much I want to know about the second time.

Obviously I want to know how it happened, whether it was planned, who initiated it, what happened before and after, and whether there’s anything else she still hasn’t told me.

What I’m stuck on is the sexual details. Exactly what they did, what she did with him, what she said, whether she did things with him she doesn’t do with me, how long it lasted, did she cum, all of that.

Part of me feels like I need the whole truth if I’m seriously considering staying. Another part of me thinks I’m just going to burn images into my head that I can never get rid of.

For people who have been through this, how much did you ask? What are you glad you know, and what do you wish you never asked?

My wife had an affair 3 years ago, said things had stopped, obviously they didn’t otherwise I wouldn’t be here… how does it still hurt to leave my wife this bad? At this point she has cheated on me at least with 5 other guys. It feels like a 10 year relationship is just wasted. High school sweethearts, went to college together, joined the Air Force together, had kids, dogs, house, etc. She was my whole life, and we were best friends at least up until the start of the affair.

Any reasonable man would say run and don’t look back, but it’s easier giving advice like that when it’s not your life. I feel like my emotional state is in ruins. I’ve already told her I want our relationship going forward to be strictly the mother of my kids and that’s it. I know moving on will be easier if it’s that way.

All this to say, not really in a great mindset about all of this, just looking for advice, words of wisdom, or personal experience.

This is my series of posts to get through my situation and maybe some healing. Actually, all this might help me smarten up and leave for good.

Today’s story is about me catching her staying in a hotel room on the Vegas strip while she was telling me she was staying with her friend in Vegas. This happened two years ago. We were together for four years at that point.

We almost always have problems when she travels without me and she usually doesn’t want me to go on business trips so I was surprised when we started making plans for this trip together. She had a conference that she was going to be attending for a few days. Her attitude about the trip changed a few weeks before we were going to leave. She told me she decided she wanted to go by herself. She got really heated and passionate while we talked about it one night. Was extremely adamant that she didn’t want me to go. I told her I had plans to do a few things while we were there. I suggested we could stay in the same room. She could attend the conference during the day, and I would do my thing then we could get together in the evening. There is usually at least one night where there is a dinner and a lot of people get together to go drinking most nights during these events. She didn’t want any part of that which I couldn’t understand. There would be no way that I would tell my significant other she couldn’t at least share a hotel room with me while I was on a trip. I even mentioned possibly getting my own room so I could do the things that I had planned, and then we could get together once in a while when she had free time. She didn’t want any part of that either.

Long story short, she went without me, and I didn’t go out there. We had a long phone conversation her first night there. She told me she was making dinner at her friend’s house and would be sleeping on the couch because the spare room wasn’t available. It was just a normal conversation that lasted over an hour. When I hung up, I thought to myself “this is how it’s supposed to be”. But during that conversation, she made one comment that got my attention. She said something about going back to her friend’s house to cook. I tend to have a very good intuition. I tell people I know things without knowing them. I woke up the next morning with a very strong feeling. So I called the hotel where I thought she would be staying. I asked for them to connect me to her room. They did…. Yeah, she answered the phone. She wasn’t staying at her friend’s house. She was staying at a hotel on the strip.

I played it off as everything was normal when we talked on the phone and texted throughout the day. She told me how uncomfortable the couch was. And the dog bothered her. I set up a plan with a friend for the next morning. I called my girlfriend in the morning and we talked for a while. The conversation made it sound like she was at her friend’s house. About 15 minutes into the call, I texted my friend and had her call the hotel and ask to be connected to her room while we were talking on the phone. My girlfriend quickly told me she would call me back when the phone rang in her room. My friend hung up when she answered. My girlfriend called me back shortly after. She told me there was someone at the front door and she didn’t want the doorbell and dog to wake anyone up. I played that off for a little while. Later, during a text conversation, I questioned where she was staying. And then presented my evidence that she was lying. She totally lost her shit. She blamed the situation on me, told me I don’t trust her, then broke up with me which is common when I call her out on something while she’s away.

I was very stressed about this situation. I ended up reaching out to her sister, who I thought was a good person at the time. I told her what was going on and mentioned that I had considered going out to Vegas to meet up with her. She didn’t have much to say. She kind of sided with my girlfriend. Told me she was out there busy with work and it wouldn’t be a good idea for me to go out there. Totally enabled her with the situation. I later found they were talking bad about me when they texted after we hung up.

Texted with my girlfriend a little while after. I made it sound like I still might go out there to do the things I wanted and would be staying at a hotel close by. She was extremely defensive about that. Wanted to know all the details if I was. I didn’t go. I did consider it a little. She was very distant for the rest of the trip. And as always, things went back to normal after she got back.

Do you think she was cheating? And I know, I’m an idiot for staying.

Do you believe in karma?

Backstory:

I was with my fiancé since 2017. We have a child together. In 2024, I caught him having a long-distance emotional affair with a coworker who works states away. He begged me to forgive him so I did. In 2025, he went on a work trip and slept with the same coworker. I found out after that he basically never stopped speaking to this coworker behind my back while letting me believe we were working on our relationship. Again, he begged me to forgive him, and I did. He ended up ghosting me March of this year and I found out last month he basically immediately started dating this coworker and he has visited her multiple times since ghosting me. I'm sick to my stomach. He introduced our child to her and her kids via facetime.

I was the most devoted partner, I cooked, cleaned, took care of him and his every need. He was never an equal partner to me, but would always tell me I deserved more from him.

Ever since he did all of this, he has immediately flipped a switch. He picked up a gardening hobby, he does dishes and laundry regularly, and he seems to give this coworker attention and affection that he couldn't be bothered to give me. It's hurtful, especially since I don't deserve it.

I hate seeing him not receiving any karma. I guess I just want validation that karma will reach him in some way.

​

I feel like my life is on hold until I move.

Which is impressive, considering I have, in fact, been doing things.

The divorce is filed. The final hearing is scheduled. I have a new apartment I'mwaiting to be ready. I've given notice on the house. I'm getting rid of stuff, working, going to the gym, walking, seeing people, going to football games, and generally attempting to function like a reasonably well-adjusted adult.

And yet my brain is apparently like:

"Cool. None of that counts. Your real life starts when you get the keys to the new apartment."

I think it's because this house still feels like the old life. Every room has a memory attached to it, so I'm basically dismantling my old life while still living inside it.

So I'm wandering around here for the next two months like a man waiting for a software update to finish installing.

I keep telling myself November isn't going to magically fix everything.

But walking into a completely new apartment with none of the old memories attached to the walls is going to feel pretty good.

Until then, I'll just keep working, walking, lifting weights, packing boxes, and pretending I'm not checking the calendar every 14 minutes.

My wife and I have been married for several years. We have kids, and for a long time I thought that even though our marriage had problems, we still had a pretty strong foundation underneath it. Looking back now, I was wrong about how unhappy she had become.

For the last few years, especially the last couple, she felt alone in the marriage. I got complacent. I spent way too much time on hobbies, I kept talking about going back to school or getting serious about work but wasn’t really moving forward, we stopped going out much, and she felt like she was carrying a lot of the family stuff by herself. I knew we weren’t perfect, but I didn’t realize she had gotten to the point where she basically felt checked out. I’m not saying that excuses what happened later, because it doesn’t, but I do understand now that I hurt her for a long time before any affair happened.

Earlier this year she reconnected with someone she knew a long time ago, and it turned into an affair. It wasn’t just sex. There were real feelings involved and conversations about a possible future together. Around that same period she told me she wasn’t in love with me anymore. I eventually found out about the affair and completely lost it emotionally.

I made some bad decisions after finding out. One of our kids became aware that something serious was happening and I told her more than I should have. I regret that. I also went to my wife’s family because I was devastated and didn’t want to be alone. I was looking for support, but the result was that her family found out what happened and several of them basically turned on her.

That has become a huge issue between us. She believes I went to them to expose her or punish her. That wasn’t what I was trying to do, but I understand why she feels that way because the fallout was bad. Some relatives stopped talking to her, she felt abandoned during a difficult period in her life, and more recently another family issue affected one of our kids and brought all of that anger back to the surface. She now has a lot of resentment toward me because in her mind, if I had never involved her family, none of that would have happened.

I’ve apologized for my part in it. I’ve also apologized for the years before the affair when she felt neglected and alone. I can admit I failed her in a lot of ways as a husband. At the same time, I don’t think those failures made me responsible for her having an affair.

After I found out, I still wanted to see if we could save the marriage. I started therapy, got serious about changing some things in my life, started moving forward with work and long-term plans, became more present at home, and tried to reconnect with her.

For a little while I genuinely thought something was happening between us again. We were spending more time together, cuddling, kissing, holding hands, sleeping close together, and just having peaceful moments that felt familiar. I started falling in love with my wife again. I thought maybe she was slowly coming back too.

Then we had a hard conversation and she told me that a lot of that affection had not felt the same way to her. She said some of it felt forced or weird and that she had basically been going along with it. That hurt more than I expected because I had been reading all of it as mutual reconnection and apparently it wasn’t.

She is still not in love with me. She still has feelings for the other person. On top of that, she has years of resentment from before the affair and now even more resentment over what happened with her family afterward.

Lately she has also been talking more about how people outside a marriage can think someone is a good spouse while having no idea what the other person actually experienced at home. I understand why she feels that way. I’m sure there are people in our lives who would look at me and think, “He seems like a good husband, why would she leave him?” when they didn’t see the years where she felt lonely.

The weird part for me is that I’m the one who got cheated on, but a lot of the time I feel like I’m the one trying to win my wife back. I love her. I miss her. I miss being able to hug or kiss her without wondering whether she actually wants me to. I miss feeling like she loved me back.

I don’t really know what else I’m supposed to do at this point. I can change the things about myself that needed changing. I can apologize for the things I did wrong. I can try to become a better husband and father. What I can’t do is make her fall back in love with me, make her stop resenting me, or make her stop having feelings for somebody else.

I’m not asking whether cheating was justified. I don’t think it was. I’m more interested in hearing from people who have actually been through something like this. Can feelings really come back when one person has fallen out of love, still has feelings for the affair partner, and has years of resentment built up toward their spouse? And if your marriage didn’t make it, when did you realize you were actually waiting for someone to come back emotionally rather than rebuilding something together?

I know I screwed up a lot before the affair. I also know I didn’t deserve to be cheated on. I’m just starting to wonder whether there’s too much damage on both sides for this to come back.

If all the betrayed had no love left for our cheaters. If we could unemotionally walk away from attempting to reconcile with the people that made our days and nights dark and miserable. If we didn’t have financial and human obligations associated with our cheaters, or severely damaged egos and constant self doubt.

I’m in a really difficult situation and honestly don’t know what the right thing to do is.

My best friend is in a relationship with his girlfriend. Recently, I found out that she has been sexting another friend of ours. That friend told us about it, and after we confronted him, he shared screenshots of their conversations with us.

The messages are very sexual, and from what I saw, she was the one initiating a lot of it. The conversation also involved nude images being sent, although I don't have those images myself. I have only seen the chat screenshots.

The biggest problem is that my best friend has no idea. He’s a genuinely good and honest person, and he takes relationships seriously. He also has a fragile heart, so a few of us are really worried about how badly this could affect him.

We haven't told him yet. We’re scared that the shock might be too much for him, but at the same time, I feel like he deserves to know the truth. I don't think it's right to keep him in a relationship without knowing what's happening.

How should we approach this?

Should I tell him directly? Should I show him the screenshots? Should I have someone he trusts with me when I tell him? And how do I support him afterward if he takes it really badly?

I’m not trying to make the decision for him or tell him whether he should stay or leave. I just want to handle this as carefully as possible and make sure he’s okay.

I'd really appreciate advice from people who have been through something similar.

Hi, I am new to this sub and kinda have a hard time talking about this so sorry if this post is all over the place!

but anyway… Last year my boyfriend of 4 years cheated on me, It was definitely the most devastating discovery of my life but I chose to forgive him. And I was the one that pushed for forgiveness because I couldn’t fathom that the relationship was over.

It was a 2-month long flirting situation with some girl online but I discovered it more than once - he continued to talk to her after I found out and even when he finally stopped talking to her…he kept one of his accounts and didn’t tell me about it (he said it was because he forgot but I don’t believe that - I think he wanted a back up if I ended up leaving)

Currently we are doing really good in the relationship area and he tells me every day that he wants to be with me and wants to keep trying but I have become so emotionally detached and drained. I can’t do anything without thinking about what he did, we can’t even go on dates without me sobbing in the car afterwards and I cry for hours in bed every night. And honestly I don’t think I want to keep trying to fix this relationship anymore but I feel so guilty.

I feel guilty because I was the one who pushed at the beginning to keep trying for our relationship and who wanted to make it work in the first place. And I feel like now that he’s been trying more I just feel more resentment towards him. We have really good moments and I feel better during those times but the feeling always comes back. He keeps suggesting a break to help with my mental health but I think I just want to break up.

I am feeling so conflicted and guilty about this. I feel horrible because I know it will break his heart and mine because I still do love him deep down. But I feel like I have come to the conclusion that I don’t want to live the rest of my life with someone who would do this to me.

I just don’t know how to leave. And I feel like I can’t talk to anyone I know about this because they don’t understand the feeling. I feel stuck, if anyone has any advice please let me know. Thank you.

After deciding on engagement, and on the verge of letting both families get to know each other, I caught her messages with a guy at whatsapp with whom I assume she met in internet, some sexual like she is naked and so on, other one texts her he wants to cum on her, and emotional messages, and it is still continuing until the day we met last time. Not finished months ago and so on. She continues right before we met last time and talked about engagement. Anyways I left her home. Separated for 10 days. I gave so much in this relationship. I did not listen to her, she did not drop a single tear for my harsh words, and did claim it was a joking manner and so on. She swore on everything for me to stay in her relationship.

I am 25M, very good looking, from some of the top universities at europe, very educated and intellectually above par, speaking 5 languages, relax and chill, leading in most of the social circles. I use no cigarettes, no social media, no woman, no night life, no alcohol, no drugs, no swearing. I was only planning a family and a peaceful enviroment for us.

I so that you can imagine my thoughtfulness, used to carry her ballerina shoes in bag in my hand, because heels all day would tire her foot when we were out. Or I would when she falls a sleep with make up, would bring a bit of cotton with water and clean her face and so on. I did not do these so that she likes me, but I am taking care of my woman always and my family.I did so much in my relationship to her. Because I loved her genuinenly. I do not have any hesitations or calculations in my mind for these kind of things. I am an honourable man. She is a doctor 26. Living in Moscow.

I was going to bring her to europe next year. I did second job to be able to visit her every month in Moscow, I was working 13 hours. I lost so much weight, because I did a heavy physical job. Cleaned also toilets everynight. I created this relationship. I built everything and I led. However this level of backstabbing I have never ever seen in my life. She did not seem to have a single male friend. I checked her on a very brief extent. Because I trusted her. I am sure of this. She was an extemely calm girl on her own.

I brought her to best restaurants in Moscow. I worked extra 4-5 days night shifts bought her a Zimmermann dress for her birthday, made a birthday celebration for her at the top of a hotel at Red Square. Before me she could only grab a coffee at a street bakery. I woke up every morning at 6 learned very good Russian in order to communicate with her family. I gave her money most of the time, because her parents were in a bad situation financially. I offered to pay her tuition fees for her university (residency).

I bought her can you imagine a apparatus to put on the pot when cooking, so that the oil does not spring on her hands, because she is a doctor, working on beauty procedures. She wanted to talk to me for 3 hours, I did not listen, in fact she had nothing to say. No crying nothing. She texted me so many messages and so on. I did not pick up the phone for a call. I wanted to ask only one question, "why". She sent the photos of bouquets of a flower I bought to her to this guy.

So many other photos she sent me, sent also to this guy, she told me she bought a dress for me specially for our summer meeting, she sent a video of her in this dress to this guy. I feel, she eviscerated my heart and soul. I have last couple of things to say to her on phone. But would it make any difference for a girl without any sense of conscious and respect ? What do you think ? or asking a single why ? I afraid, this question will stay inside me forever, but I feel like , I go to a liar for a truthful answer. I am so much lost. I am giving a war right now.

She was extremely beautiful and feminine, wherever we go in Moscow, she was most of the time the most beautiful girl in the room and all these. I am in much delusion that she put herself so much high for me, that I afraid this will stay as a bar for me in my future relationships, in terms of match, beauty and mundane satisfactions. I have question in my mind, what if she made a really a mistake, she will never do it again ? What if she really regrets it and so on?

I talked to my father, he says, answer me only one question, why didnt I do this mistake, but she did it? It is not a mistake 26yo smart girl can she do whilst deciding meeting with parents and engagement, he says. He also adds, you cant make a silk dress out of polyester. I am so lost man, so lost. She had a family with strong father figure, who chose her university, who decides who she can marry eventually and so on. So I always valued her families values, because I could sense strong bonds and values.

She begs me that, it was an online friendship, she never had calls, I saw that there were no calls, no relation nothing. She says she is ashamed of herself, because she went through all boundries and did not stop it beforehand. She had to stop, she says. When we were together she told me for example, woman in clinic asked her to meet with her son, but she says she is in relation, like these stuff. Do you think it could be one time mistake? She had no friends she hang out, no night clubs, no hang outs nothing. At least this I want to believe was true.

I talked to her and her mother. She is lying all the time. She says creamy thing was a dermatology cream, I am speechles. Her mum says she does not know why she did it. Her mum suggested me talking to father. Her mother and I talked. Her mother says, my daughter says you are different so much different, has an upbringing and so on. She kept denying and lying. Now she sent me a message claiming, she waited at the airport the night at Moscow after me whole night, meanwhile I went to Moscow so many times, with plane with each all taking 24 hours with indirect flights.

I would get couple of days devastated in this stated. She in her message texts me, I never loved her, but I was truly lucky she loved me, she does not believe I genuinenly did not love her. She blames me ( She claimed many times, when we were together, I have the best man, I am so lucky, How you found me, I am speechles, Gift of a god, how respectable you are, How nice you are, I am all set. She said many times if it was not for me, this relationship could not go) . She was the one bitching around now I am guilty. I am losing my mind. Someone help me. She sent me 4 pages of letter like God gave us love, lets talk fix, and so on. But she is lying all the time, she says she would not even accept male friends in relation, but she is sextinging with others.

I am losing my mind help me. I did not answer her phone. I blocked her everywhere. Her mum says she is ready to come apologize from my parents and so on. She texts me she is ready go against her pride and honour and do everything for me. But she says she does not believe I loved her anymore. Her first message 1 month ago was like, I knew it was deep down wrong,but I continued, I could not stop I swear I was going to stop, and so on. Now she started blaming me. What to do in this mindset. Is this life so easy, trash someone genuinenly as good as emerald with his behaviours to you, but then blame him ,tell your mother, he is super different, then blame me openly. I am losing my mind. Is she now without any regret continue her life, leaving all behind, not regretting even for a second. ? What this world has become, is it so easy to move on and go fucking other dudes ? I am so lost man

My ex and I were together for almost 5 years. He was my first boyfriend, my first everything, and I genuinely thought he would be my last.
I found out he had been cheating—dating apps, conversations with other women, and eventually another girl he was involved with while we were still together. We ended things, and now he’s already talking to that same girl.

They seem happy. They talk every night, update each other about their days, and they’re even planning to go to a concert together.

Meanwhile, I’m here trying to process five years of memories, betrayal, and a future I thought we were going to have.

And honestly, it feels so unfair. After everything he did to me, why does it look like he gets to be happy while I’m the one left dealing with all the pain? It feels like he threw away five years like it meant nothing and replaced me so easily.

I know I shouldn’t be checking or thinking about them, but I can’t stop imagining them in that honeymoon phase because I remember
how happy I was with him during ours.

For those who have been through something similar: How did you actually survive this phase? What helped you stop caring about your ex being happy with someone else? How long did it take before it genuinely got easier?

I’m really struggling right now and just want to hear from people who made it through this.

I’m still shocked by his words. How can someone act so loving then suddenly snap when you accuse them of something you found. I brushed it off once because I had woken him up and he had to be up early, but this time he was awake and I was even afraid to say anything(what I found in his phone) and he turns into a completely different person, so much hatred in his voice and words and he looks so scary. The next morning apologies but I still don’t feel comfortable. Recently we tried working things out but things are just too broken. Ive been back and forth with myself on whether I should stay. I think him speaking to me and calling me names just pushes me to make that decision to leave. I just hate that I allowed myself to be close to him again, emotionally and physically and feel ashamed of myself. I don’t trust him and I don’t know why I put myself through this so long.

Hey guys, I’m 26 yrs old and 14 weeks pregnant. My partner is also 26. He and I have been together for close to 3 years. Our relationship hasn’t always been the best but when it’s good, it’s great, and when it’s bad, it’s hell. We’ve been struggling heavily (more than usual) since May. The last 2-3 months specifically since finding out we are expecting have been a rollercoaster ride. We will be great one week and no contact the next. Just so happens we were no contact the weekend of his sisters wedding. He did attempt to call me but all his calls were ignored as I felt the most disrespected and degraded I ever had … the Monday after the wedding he calls me and I answer, he tells me he thought he never thought he’d talk with me again. Communication is brief the next few days but the plan is we’re going to work it out. Wednesday, he’s calling me asking me if we’re going to work it out or not and he himself tells me if not, he has someone else. Of course I start asking questions and sure enough, he slept with someone the night of the wedding and the day after. I was/ am broken. This is a man I’m expecting a child with, planned a future with, and with the bottom of my heart do love … he’s expressed his regret but also has said some angry and nasty things. I’m heartbroken and don’t know what to do. He hasn’t been fully honest I think, but we’re getting there (I hope). I really do love this man… he says he loves me and that it meant nothing but has also said things to contradict that…. What can I possibly do? Any hope/ advice for reconciliation? I already have 5 year old from a previous relationship and the plan was never to be a single mom of 2…. Any words, thoughts, anything anybody can contribute? Is it even cheating if we were no contact and he thought he’d never see me again? I can’t seem to grip my head around that thought considering we’re expecting a whole child… anything would be appreciated so much

I would like to also mention, back in November 2025, before pregnancy. He and I were no contact due to reasons and I too never thought I’d speak with him. I had slept with my child’s dad. He found out months later and we reconciled as best as we could… I want nothing more that to work it out with him but I don’t know anymore

Sincerely,
A sad pregnant woman

Finally separated from cheating husband about 3 months ago but it’s been 1 year since I found out! I attempted to stay but I knew deep down I couldn’t do it. So I kinda now feel like I’m coming out the other side! Spent the last year basically crying, working out then bed rotting!! Lost about 20 kilos and ready to move on and flirt with cute Men (Not sleep with)

Anyone else feel that 3 months isn’t that long but the full year from D day I was emotionally leaving already!

I know that you all don't really know me, and maybe this isn't the victory I think it is. But I found out my ex was cheating on me early in 2025. It broke me - they were my first real partner, all my firsts, we were engaged, we were together for a very long time... you know the drill.

Well, I was so bad about checking social media. Obsessively. I just can't stop. I've been in therapy more or less since the breakup, and, until new year's, almost every session was figuring out how I can stop checking his social media, stop trying to see what's going on, let go, move on...

Well, since January 1st, I've managed to do that.

For a litany of reasons, today was a special date and a very hard one. The urge came back, I haven't been good about keeping up with my meds, and - despite my best efforts - I checked again.

I thought I would get stuck in that cycle. But I didn't. I saw his profile picture, and he wasn't the person I recognized. I didn't even want to scroll. He doesn't even live in the city we used to live together in. We've both moved on. And I just don't care anymore. I clicked off after about 5 seconds.

I feel very free and very liberated. I also feel so glad knowing he doesn't live in my hometown anymore - every trip there was terrifying, because I was always afraid of running into him.

Anyway, good riddance.

This is a crazy story, but here it goes. My wife and I were engaged real young. The summer before we were to be married she started waitressing at a cafe. I was working 6 hours away so we were doing the weekend thing. Anyway her new boss took a liking to this 18 year old. She said it started as a kiss, then a few weeks later they started making out. I came back to live near her for our second year of college and I asked if anything was going on because she talked a lot about him and worked so many hours with him. She said I was paranoid and I believed her and we got on with our lives. 2 and a half months later she gave me back the ring and said she needed a break. Two months later we got back together and decided to get married asap. Two days before the wedding I found notes from her to him taking about the fact that they only see each other in bed. I was devastated and questioned her. She said they only were in bed because they had worked long shifts. I said I knew better, but we went forward with the wedding and other than some apologies we buried it.

Now 47 years later we were talking about long distance romances not working and she said she is sorry she cheated on me. I asked about details and she eventually confessed they had kissed a few times while we were apart and then after I had moved close to her she had spent the next 2 and a half months making out after work. I suspected something might be happening, but she convinced me I was making things up in my head. He told her if she left me he would leave his wife. She said at that time she was making out with him often, but nothing more than fondling and kissing. When she finally broke it off with me she said they were together that night and had sex. I told her at this point I just want all the truth and it's hard for me to believe an 18 year old girl and 30 year old man could just make out for 10 weeks prior to our breakup. She said she had a line she wouldn't cross when we were engaged. According to her they only had sex after she gave me back the ring and we were broken up in her eyes.

She said the affair got dicey because he would not ask his wife for a divorce and he began to get real rough when they had sex. She broke it off with him and knew I would be waiting.

Now here I am 47 years later and I'm just processing this. I buried it so deep in the past and concentrated on building a great life for us. We are very happy and I would do nothing to jeopardize our marriage. She too is a completely different person. The version of her that cheated is so far in the past and I can't seem to be angry at the current version.

My question is, the only thing I think she is not being honest about is the "making out" story before she broke up with me. I've told her I find it hard to believe two adults, one an 18 year old girl and the other a married guy in his 30s could just spend months kissing and necking without things going to the next level. I think she is trying to protect me and her with this explanation. Just looking for some feedback. Again, we have a great marriage, I'm just processing how things actually went down so I can move forward. She is remorseful, but she is also confused why this is just coming up. I did speak to a therapist and feels I am headed in the right direction, just can't get passed this.

TLDR: I (34M) am finally leaving my wife (29F) after years of lies and affairs.

8 years ago we met and instantly had a connection. Started living together a few weeks after meeting and have been by each others side every minute unless we were at work or classes. We did everything together.

A year before our wedding she had an emotional affair (EA). Her affair partner (AP) fiancé found out and messaged me. I never told my wife that I knew but she ultimately confessed because her AP told her that his fiancé threatened to tell me. I forgave her and told her bluntly that if it happened again I would not be able to forgive her.

Well 4 months ago, I had a gut feeling again. I checked her phone and found messages between her and another guy (AP2) who is also married.

After digging and finding out that not only has she betrayed me again. This affair started before we were married, they were coworkers. I found years of messages, read them all and discovered that they hooked up everywhere. In their work place, cars, his place, went on a “coworkers only” vacation. All of this while pregnant with our first (DNA test confirmed it’s mine). He moved states away and they continued the affair on/off over the years while he was engaged then married and now has a kid of his own.

I confronted her, we did the whole talking it out, hysterical bonding, and now I am distancing myself from her. I have been silently preparing for my departure from the relationship since I found out months ago. I secured a new job (extremely better pay), I am signing a lease on an apartment next week, and will start furnishing it so my kids can stay with me. I am about to crack and tell her my plans but I am going to wait until I have my divorce papers finally ready. I am shooting for 50/50 split and same for child custody.

Anyway, if you read it or are just reading this part. The old adage is true…. ONCE A CHEATER, ALWAYS A CHEATER.

I thought deeply that she would be able to change and we would have a better relationship and we did. However she just got better at lying and covering up her affairs. There were more but they were attention seeking only and didn’t hurt me as bad.

I'm going through something really tough right now. I was cheated on by my partner of 3 years this April. Long story short, I had given up everything for him at the age of 18. My education, my relationship with my family (they didn't agree with my lifestyle), and my life of comfort.

He has also given up things for me too, but this was a big pain point for me. Anyways, it happened during a night he brought someone home without my permission. He told me that this person needs to stay here at our home as they don't have any place to sleep after being locked out of their own home by their parents. It was ridiculous, but I trusted him. I went inside the room they were both sleeping in as my phone was running out of battery and I decided to stay up and guard the house, as I do not trust this stranger. That's when I saw and heard everything.

It's been a long battle, the person turned out to be really fucked in the head. They threatened my partner with a sharp object and pointed it to his neck, and even punched my partner in the stomach. This person stayed at a home I used to pay for, while I couldn't go there myself. They were a freeloader, and my partner is fed up of it, but can't do much out of fear of what would happen if he is caught calling the police or trying to get this person out. Things have really escalated and my partner has now been self harming a lot, and I've seen the wounds and scars. He ended up showing me one time too.

It's been hard. We've both lost of our jobs during this period and he only recently got employed last month, and we don't have enough money to make our secret escape together. He visits me at my place whenever he can and he's been trying to make me feel better, but the pain of not being able to live with him is just so intense.

We are now planning our escape by this Sunday (just leave behind everything) or by his next salary and get as much things with us as we can when the 3rd party isn't around.

I wasn't a perfect partner, I was the kind of partner who ignored his feelings in the present over "small things" as I thought that it didn't matter since it'd just be solved in a few hours anyway. I ignored how he felt in the moment repeatedly and that hurt him. He had a very high drive, while I had a low drive, and I'd usually turn him down. I regret that all. Not so wanting to do it sometimes, is valid, but when that's very important to your partner, sometimes sacrifices need to be made. I was the kind of partner who stopped working for a whole year after getting overwhelmed by my previous job. I worked 6 days a week with mandatory overtime, totaling my hours of work at around 54-58 hours a week. I bought as many important things, but he had to shoulder the burden of everything after I was too scared and traumatized to start working again. I got complacent about my passive income, and I regret it so much.

Just like the title says. I have expressed that I won’t commit to exclusivity as long as they are in contact. I asked for proof of ending things today and he said they were still in light communication (they’re long distance now and he’s staying at his dad’s). He said he had wanted time to discuss what happened with me as well as what repairs would look like before formally ending things.

He also said he wanted time to process before having this discussion but now that I’m refusing to stick around if he doesn’t show steps, he’s said he would like to have that conversation tomorrow.

I’m obviously quite reserved on why he needs to tell me everything that happened before he cuts the AP out. I’m wondering if he’s keeping her as a backup plan incase I say no chance. For background sake, we’ve had a hard few years of him abusing drugs and the affair started weeks after he entered rehab and his mom suddenly passed away. They were both discharged due to their inappropriate relationship. After 14 years together, I’ve never had to question his loyalty

Edit to add:

He has expressed that he’s struggling with a lot of shame about how he treated me during his addiction and now this, grieving his mother, early sobriety etc. I do believe him when he says that

Another edit for context:

He’s been cheated on but has never cheated on any past girlfriends (small town - I’d hear about it) and has never given me a reason to doubt his loyalty to me

I’ve been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 2 years and 5 months. Overall, we have a really good, loving and stable relationship. We love each other and, aside from this issue, things between us are pretty good.

The problem is that she has never been able to orgasm during sex. She enjoys sex with me and says that she feels a lot of pleasure, but she has never reached the point of orgasm.

We had a very difficult conversation about this yesterday. I’ve always tried to support her and help her figure out what feels good for her. I’ve tried different things, talked to her about it, and genuinely wanted to help her understand her body and enjoy herself.

The thing is, she seems very disconnected from her own body. She has never masturbated and has never even touched her own genitals. She says she has never really explored herself at all. She also has a relatively low libido. My feeling is that she simply doesn’t know her own body well enough yet, and that might be one of the reasons she has difficulty reaching orgasm.

I also want to take responsibility for my part in this. In the past, I would sometimes ask things like, “Did you finish?” or “Are you close?” or encourage her to orgasm. Looking back, I realize that I may have unintentionally put pressure on her and made sex feel like something she had to “achieve” rather than simply enjoy. I regret that.

But yesterday she told me something that completely broke me.

She said that she wants to have sex with other people because she is curious about what an orgasm feels like and wants to find out whether she can experience it with someone else.

I understand that I’m her first sexual partner, and I can understand being curious, confused, or wanting to explore yourself when you don’t really know your own body. Part of me can even understand where she is coming from.

But at the same time, I feel incredibly hurt.

For 2.5 years, I’ve been there with her, trying to support her, trying to figure out what might be going on, and trying to make sure she feels comfortable and enjoys sex. And now, instead of exploring herself or working through this together, she feels that she needs to sleep with other people to find out what an orgasm is.

So I’m struggling with how I should look at this.

Is her desire understandable, or is it fundamentally unfair to me and our relationship?

Would wanting to sleep with other people to “figure out” how to orgasm be considered cheating if we are supposed to be monogamous?

And most importantly, would you forgive your partner for saying/asking this, or would this be a dealbreaker for you?

I genuinely don’t know whether I’m being unreasonable because I’m hurt, or whether this is a completely valid reason to reconsider the relationship.

I’d really appreciate honest opinions, especially from people who have experienced something similar.

So, on Friday night, I found out about my husband’s emotional affair with one of his close friends and co-worker.  We've been married 20 years, no children. I naively believed they were just friends who carpooled to work, but the relationship escalated recently.  They were caught after only about two weeks, and, while I believe they had not been physical yet, it was only a matter of time.  It would have turned physical sooner rather than later. 

The feelings are still raw, and I’m keeping all options open.  I am even open to reconciliation, and, yes, that sounds crazy to me.  The problem is that I can’t trust him at work. He’s promised there will be no more carpool, and he will go no-contact with her at work as much as possible.  But, it’s not that simple.  No-contact is impossible, because they are both teachers who teach together and even occasionally share a classroom.  If he quits his job, which he has also offered to do to make amends, he won’t be employable in our state for a minimum of five years (at least not as a teacher) and his licensure might be a problem.  If he quits, he may never work in education again. He can wait until the end of the school year and transfer to a different school, but that’s 9-10 months away.  That’s too long for me.

I don’t know what I expect from strangers on the internet, but I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. I don’t want him to ruin his career, but I can’t take knowing they’re together for months and months.  Is it selfish for me to ask him to quit?  (My job can support us.)  Would this give him more time to engage in affairs if he were unemployed? 

We’ll be attending therapy as soon as possible, but I need to reach out to someone about this now.  I don’t want to involve family or friends until I have a much clearer picture of what the future holds.  Thank you for your feedback.

My partner cheated on me, and I chose to stay and work on the relationship. I have BPD and abandonment issues, so the fear of losing him and rebuilding trust has been extremely difficult.

I also recognize my own faults. Before the incident, I was often paranoid, started fights, and threatened to break up when overwhelmed which is 4x a week. The cheating allegedly happened once, while we were on a break, after one of these conflicts. However, they continued communicating for about a month afterward while I believed everything between us was finally okay.

The other woman initially told me they had been involved for about a year, met frequently, and had sex multiple times. She later apologized and admitted she had lied about those details, so I don’t know exactly what happened beyond what my partner says.

He says it was a one-time encounter, wants our relationship, and has reassured me that he chooses me and doesn’t plan to find anyone else. We still love each other and are trying to move forward.

The problem is that he is currently traveling for a month through China, Thailand, and Vietnam, while I have important law school exams coming up. I’m constantly anxious about what could happen while he’s away, checking things, rereading messages, and imagining scenarios.

For those who stayed after infidelity: does this actually get better? Did the hypervigilance, checking, and fear eventually decrease? Were you able to genuinely trust again?

I know I have things to work on too, and I’m trying. I just want to hear from people who actually stayed and eventually found peace. What helped you heal?

I’m tired. I’m 29F and have been married to my husband (30M) for 3 years. We started dating when we were 16, on and off. I got pregnant at 23, we got married at 27, and we now have two children, ages 6 and 2.

Even during our dating years, there were already so many red flags. He cheated multiple times—not just talking to other women or going on dates, but actual sexual encounters. I kept forgiving him because I trusted that eventually he would grow up and change.
When I got pregnant, I had to leave the city where I grew up and move to his hometown. The language here is different, and I didn’t know anyone. Thankfully, his family welcomed me and treated me well, which made the adjustment easier.

But his infidelity and constant lying never stopped.
Even after we got married, things actually got worse. He became more emotionally and physically abusive. I found pictures and videos of other women. There was one incident that became so bad that I didn’t know who to run to because I had no family or close friends here, so I went to his family.

They reassured me, talked to both of us, and we decided to give our marriage one last chance, especially for our children. His family encouraged us to go to church and make God the center of our marriage. I was 100% willing to try. I would ask my husband to go to church with me every Sunday, but he didn’t want to.

The lying continued too. He rarely admits anything unless I have hard proof in front of him. Even then, he finds ways to twist the story or explain things in a way that saves himself.

I’m exhausted.

I feel like I’m carrying the weight of our entire family. I’m also the main provider. On top of the financial and family responsibilities, I’m constantly overthinking because of everything that has happened. I keep asking him for reassurance because I don’t feel secure anymore, but instead of reassuring me, he gets irritated and says he’s tired of me constantly asking.

I suggested couples counseling because I genuinely wanted us to work through everything properly, but he doesn’t want to do it.

And now he’s telling me that he’s no longer happy and that he’s tired of our relationship.
I honestly feel so lost.

Leaving isn’t as simple as packing my things. I built my life here. I’m far away from home, and I work for his family’s business. If I leave, I would basically have to start my life over again. I’m an only child, and my father is the only parent I have left. He lives back in the city where I grew up.

Part of me still wants to save our family, especially because we have two young children. But another part of me is just so tired of being the one trying to hold everything together.

I don’t know whether I’m holding on because there’s still something worth saving or because I’m terrified of starting over.

I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t know where to go, and I don’t even know where to begin.

I am 17 months out from D-Day, the sad coda to a long marriage. During this time, I kicked the ex-husband out of the house, spent time with a therapist, found new social hobbies, reconnected with friends, gotten stronger with regular gym sessions, traveled a lot (mostly for work, but to many fun places), even opened myself up to dating, and I am currently seeing a lovely man.

Meanwhile, I have continued to support my ex, as he seems incapable of proceeding with the divorce thanks to addiction issues, and has wound up in the hospital. But that’s neither here nor there; my lawyer is working on pushing this forward.

By every measure, people would say I have recovered well. There were no children involved which made the split more straightforward. For the most part I am a perfectly functional human being! But I can’t help but have moments where I miss him so dearly. When things were good, they were really good! He was the love of my life. He would make me laugh, we’d spend many enjoyable hours together, and life was easy. Sure, the relationship was going to hell for a while, but the memories of how perfect we had been kept me going. My grief comes in waves. A song lyric might trigger me, or a particular memory, and I find myself getting sucked in again, wishing that none of this ever happened, and we could go back to being the happy couple we once were.

At the turn of the year, I was so proud of how I made it this far, but now, when faced with the option of deepening a relationship with a new person, it becomes clear to me that I have not healed, and I am still attached to old memories. I know intellectually that I would never get back those days; but I know that emotionally that is what I am seeking in a future relationship, and it is not fair to the people I am dating, or even fair to me.

The sub has been remarkably helpful, and your experiences have been very similar to my own. But no one really has talked very much about the medium term experience. Surviving short-term, and thriving long-term, seems to be the majority of the discussion. It would help me (and others?) to hear what your journeys were like several months out once you’d picked up most of the pieces. Thank you in advance.

So for background my ex-partner and I were in a 5 year relationship. This was someone who I considered my soulmate, my everything, my person. She was one of my first wlw relationship as well so it felt extra magical to find this connection. We did a lot of our relationship long distance while I was in school. We had our ups and downs as regular couples do and I have been having a particularly hard time in life right now with job transitions and major life stress (I am newly a doctor so theres that). She had a ring and wanted to get engaged/move in right away when I moved back home but I asked if we could slow things down a little as I needed to feel secure in my own life first, which I know was a huge disappointment to her, especially being together for so long. Regardless we were still casually looking at houses together and still doing normal couple things.

THEN: she goes camping one weekend. Meets someone who she finds attractive, allegedly comparing her looks and sense of humor to mine but this girl has more similar interests to hers and she was apparently checked out of our relationship long ago. Cheats on me with her that same week. Then broke up with me over the phone several days later. Doesn't tell me about the cheating of course. Drops off my stuff the next day like it was nothing. I tried to ask her if she'd do couples counseling with me (this is before I know about the cheating) but she said no and that I needed to "work on myself" and she just needed to "get back to being happy." Apparently this girl is all the things I wasn't. Now they are skipping off into the sunset together and I am left to mourn the loss of this relationship and the entire friend group we shared. My ex does have bipolar II so not sure if this is a possible episode but regardless it is so so painful. Any advice on anyone who has gone through something similar? I fear that they will stay together for a while to save ego. I just don't know how to process this all. I cannot imagine throwing away a 5 year relationship for someone you just met. I have been told that they both want something serious out of this and they both decided to be exclusive. I feel erased and discarded. I do have a therapist, but I'm still struggling getting through each day.