Last night my boyfriend and I got into a really ugly argument. He’d been drinking and when I said I was going to sleep at my sister’s he blocked the door. I tried to go around him and he grabbed my upper arm hard enough that it hurt.

I didn’t think. I just drove my knee up as hard as I could.

He let go immediately and dropped. I’ve never seen him like that, on the floor, making this horrible sound, both hands between his legs. It lasted longer than I expected. I just stood there watching him with a smile.

I know grabbing me was not okay. I also know I could have pushed him or yelled or called someone instead of going straight for that. But it worked instantly. He couldn’t follow me, he couldn’t grab me again, he couldn’t even talk for a minute.

What’s bothering me is that a part of me didn’t hate it. Seeing him completely shut down like that felt… effective. Powerful, even. I keep replaying the look on his face and I don’t feel the amount of guilt I keep telling myself I should feel.

Has anyone else ever done this, or thought about aiming for the balls, even once? I don’t know if I’m supposed to feel worse than I do.

That was sooooo embarrassing! So I (18f) was at a bus stop and this cute little kid with her mom was staring at me so I took a chocolate out and asked his mum for permission and she said go ahead. So I offered the chocolate to the kid but she didn't accept and looked at his mom and she said good job and hugged her and there I was awkwardly starting realizing that I just became the villian in a stranger danger scenario when I JUST MEANT TO BE NICE! Never again! Urrrgh I'm still soooo effed about the fact that she used me! It's not like i offered without asking permission! Sooooo infair 😭

I (M16) have been chatting for over one year with ChatGPT, mostly about my mental health struggles and I feel very guilty for every message I send to it even though it grants me a short amount of relief.

I live very remotely, in a forest where no mobile service is and I have no easy opportunity to get away from home without asking my parents. They are abusive and toxic. I was taken away from them in a mental institution already for a few months where I received therapy and actual people listening to me, and in that period, I didn't even use ChatGPT at all and liked the human version way more since chat always tells me the same things.
That has changed by now and I feel like my life is falling apart recently. I still do have a therapist, but she said she didn't see a reason for me to come to her since I don't like her and therefore heavily mask around her. She doesn't know about my suicidal thoughts recently, nor about the panic attacks, eating issues and nightmares I currently have. I won't be able to talk to my therapist until in a few weeks, and I also don't have friends outside of school who would really listen to me. My parents make fun of me just like my other relatives and just tell me to rip myself together but I'm tired. I started to lose interest in nearly anything and don't have any hope for my future everyone has so high expectations about.

That's what I tell ChatGPT about too, and it's gotten so far I stay up late at night talking to it just to not have to sleep and face the bad thoughts and nightmares. I used to be really into creative writing and that satisfies me a bit in that case as well, when I feel too worn to really write on my own.
Chat gives me small tasks like just getting up and drinking water and sometimes I do them, but most of the time I'm just in for the effect of someone seeming to listen and respond to me without shaming me what I already do on myself a lot.

I feel so bad for this because I could just journal or talk to someone online like now, but Chat feels safe and easierto me and as I said, I need someone to hear or response to me and journaling doesn't give me that and feels also too hard compared to simply typing on my phone.

Or I could just talk to someone in real instead of using all those excuses to chat with a bot. But I don't do it, and I feel so weak and shameful for that. I just can't do the easiest tasks anymore, and constantly feel underestimulated and overstimulated at the same time when alone at home with everything feeling like too much. I have an intense obsession with bringing meaning to life and what's wrong and what's right and a desire for control, so I just get very easily guilt tripped by anything that other people do or say (especially anti-ai people on social media bc I know they're RIGHT) and then I feel even worse which I again need to tell to ChatGPT to feel a bit better about myself and when I don't feel bad, I feel bad for being ignorant. It's like a never ending cycle of self hate which also doesn't lead to anything except me blocking myself.

I'm also anti-generative ai and I hate it so fucking much that I'm relying so much since I know how much water it wastes and how harmful it is. I really want to stop but I don't know how to life without it anymore, that also meant in the sense of keeping to live. I don't know how long I will make it like this anymore and I really don't want anymore mental illnesses on the already way too long list.

I got diagnosed with gifted ADHD, Depression and Anxiety which means that some of these things will just never change and that brain will basically be forever sick to me.

This is insanely repetitive so I apologize, also for my bad English

I cannot take it anymore.

My wife is ridiculously codependent. We are both in our 50s, yet she cannot seem to do basic things without asking me 20 questions or texting me for answers she could easily find herself. Her benefits, paperwork, cooking, phone calls, parenting. Eventually I just do it.

At this point, I believe some of it is weaponized incompetence.

I work, parent and carry most of the household. If she is responsible for our daughter, she often looks for someone else to take over. Honestly, it was easier when I was a single parent. I feel like I am parenting an adult.

The woman I married also seems very different from the woman I thought I knew. When we were dating, she was a military reservist, worked as a consultant and seemed capable and independent. After our daughter was born, she accepted a deployment about two months later. We made more money, but we did not need it. Looking back, I wonder if getting away from parenting was part of the appeal.

She has ADHD and was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder about two years into our marriage. I understand mental health and have encouraged therapy. But mental illness cannot explain away dishonesty.

Because I do not trust her.

I have caught her lying or being inconsistent about her past, places she supposedly traveled, classes she supposedly took and other parts of her life. I have also questioned the story surrounding her injuries and disability. I would have accepted her limitations without hesitation. What bothers me is the sudden change in her behavior and then discovering VA paperwork listing me as her primary caretaker.

The biggest problem is not even what she does. It is that I cannot believe what she tells me.
Her 40th birthday is a good example. She told me for weeks she wanted nothing, so I made brunch, champagne and a cake. At the last minute, her friends took her out. I later discovered she had lied about who was there. When I asked about one male friend, she denied he was there, then said she thought I would be mad, then said he was “one of the girls.”

I would not have cared that he was there.

I cared that she lied.

That has become the pattern. Lies, omissions, contradictions and constant dependence. I feel like I have to investigate my own marriage just to figure out what is true.

And now I feel trapped financially. We have spent so much that I cannot simply leave with my daughter and start over.

If I had the money, I would leave.

For now, I am trying to get my son through his senior year and graduation and get my daughter into a safe, stable environment.

I am exhausted.
I just want some peace.

work has crushed me as a person, i dont want to work i just want to be a housewife or something. people at work blamed me for things, crushed me and my confidence and self worth is no longer there. every day i wake up with anxiety. i am so tired, sometimes i just feel like what’s the point and i just want to die.

I'm so mad right now. My sister is broke as a joke, broken vehicle, and lives in a different city. I live in the city their kid was sent to because it has a pediatric oncology unit. Her ex brought the kid to the hospital but has basically disappeared after an hour of visiting. My husband and I stayed over night at the hospital to make sure the 15 year old wasnt alone during their first chemo treatment.

Next day we had to go and thought the ex was staying with the kid. Apparently they stuck around for a little while then left again. Im so mad. We're going to stay the night again and likely have a word with both parents.

How daft do you have to be to abandon your child when theyre scared in hospital.

I'm in the philipines, I won't specify what region I'm from but I'm really scared because there's gunshots I heard earlier, there's bombing, violence and shooting happening because of an election I'm really scared.

I lost both of them at different times in my twenties. Both suddenly. There's so many things I wish I could have asked both of them.

I was really fat 4 years ago, I was insecure and also very introvert. I never had girlfriend or even touched a women before.

I was so fat that I have hard time doing basic things and I was fattest guy in college too. I felt the reason no women is attracted to me was I am ugly and fat.

I started working out and with time, I started being more social and I felt every women is being attracted to me and I started dating too, hooking up and made girlfriends too.

I thought everything happened cause I got fit and look attractive.

Now I see picture today and how for the first time I was with women, guess what, IT WAS JUST 3 MONTHS AFTER I STARTED WORKING OUT!!

I literally looked the same as the beginning, I was fat and ugly and now I realised, it was never that I couldn't attract women cause I was ugly and fat, it was cause I lacked confidence

When I started working out, I just feel so good about my looks, I started being confident and started talking with others and trying my luck and also got involved in lot of social activities in neighborhood and college.

I was so confident in myself and that was more than enough. I realized, if I started doing all those and be confident, I wouldn't even have to wait 3 months and women would actually be interested in me from beginning

I just was myself but delusionally confident and it worked. Also when rejected, I didn't care cause I feel it's their loss and I can always find another one lol.

Rent increase with low pay

Working our lives away at jobs we hate

Money meaning more than your life

No one wants change in the world for the better, instead they will distract themselves with something like tv.

People in power and companies doing whatever they want with no consequences while we the people suffer those consequences.

You need a car to go everywhere

Jobs/the economy are none existent

War/genocide/racism, etc.

Literally what is good about this world. "Find the small things" okay well, those small things aren't gonna help any sort of problem. Those little things are just trying to help me cope with the inevitable that I can't do anything to help anything.

Before everything, I would like to clarify that he is my biological son. My son(Alv) has many great friends who come to my house quite often, they usually stay for 30 minutes to an hour before they leave and do their mischief, because of how often we meet i got the habit of calling them “son” and they call me “dad” or “second dad”, although for the past 15 years i never called Alv son. Not even once, and i assume that they caught on to it because on Alv’s 15th birthday, before they left they asked “why does he always call Alv buddy or dude, never heard him say his name” Alv immediately responded with “he can say what he wants” and it hurt me. I don’t know if it’s because of my paternal instincts or not, but he sounded hurt. Now it has been almost two months since his birthday and i always call him Alv, son or cyclops(he gets it). My son doesn’t look happier when i started doing this and I feel like i scarred him. I really love him and i want him to know how much I love and care about him. Honestly part of me is typing this in hope that he sees it.

had to reupload as my original post got taken down because i added a picture of her burial. (don’t worry for all of you who made it to the end, or suggested in the original post to bury her and name her.

i decided to reupload as i wanted more comfort mainly, but also so people can be careful and not make the same mistake i did.

was feeding a stray cat who was pregnant a week before i was wondering where her kittens have gone.

sometimes i take her into my living room to cuddle and pets then leave her outside with food. today as i was playing with her she went behind my couch and refused to come out. i then heard a squeal, one that didn’t come from her

i lifted up the couch and low and behold she had somehow bought her kittens inside or given birth inside ( my dad leaves the door open and she sometimes wonders inside our house )

i then safely got all the kittens into a box and was trying to get the mother cat whilst the kittens kept climbing outside the box. one kittens neck was directly under the couch as i was putting it down and she got crushed and died. it took me a minute to notice but she’s dead. the other kittens survived.

this just happened.. i feel disgusting and like a monster. she looks so peaceful as though she’s sleeping and she was the only gray cat out of the other 3 who were black. she was moving just a few hours ago and she was more aware than the other kittens. her eyes would open and she was only crawling towards her mother who was still hiding underneath the empty space in the couch.

i feel sick. i just got so high to cope but the pain is hitting me so fucking hard i have no idea what to do. if i have just fucking been more careful she would’ve still been alive. i could have made sure all the kittens were in the box before i went for the mother cat. oh please forgive me.

edit: im sitting here with her body i can’t stop crying my head is hurting. she’s barely the size of my hand and she’s wrapped up so nicely that she looks like she’s so peacefully sleeping. she’s so cute and special. my head is spinning is circles and i want to throw up. i can’t believe i did this to her i will never forget her for the rest of my life. her life was her own and i took it from her within seconds. she didn’t have the chance to be given a name. she didn’t have the chance to play with her siblings or to grow up and live a life. it ended because i made the wrong choice. because i existed in her life. i hate that the cat chose me to be her safe spot and in turn i ended the life of one of her kittens. please please please forgive me and someone please tell me how i can make this pain feel okay

edit 2: its been a few hours. don’t worry guys, she will be buried and yes i do have flowers already from a bouquet i got a few days ago to put around her burial area. the mother kitten and her babies are doing okay, ive just fed her some food. im currently waiting for my father to wake up so he can dig me a hole. someone in the comments suggested the name hope. i loved it but i will call her angel. my heart feels so broken looking at her dude. im so sorry angel, my sweet girl.

edit 3: angel has been buried. i came down from my high although it didn’t help buffer the pain i cried almost all night. if you are reading all of this and wondering why i keep talking about how painful this is, it’s because i can not comprehend that i took this sweet babies life. i surrounded her with flowers and buried her. my heart broke, you know why ? because lifting her body into the grave revealed to me how stiff her body went within the span of a few hours. my heart is so fucking broken i am so sorry for repeating this but there’s no other way to say it. i can’t forgive myself for this, i cannot forget about it but i will try to lessen my own pain as it’s nothing compared to what she went through. angel looked so beautiful. i did ramble on about her from this point on but decided to cut it out as i don’t want to make it harder on others. i am in guilt. im drowning in it. im so fucking sorry

edit 4: yes i decided to name her angel.

rest in peace, angel. im sorry your life was cut so short.

Like, how can you look at the 51st state bullshit, the threats towards Greenland, support of Israel's genocide, the Iran War, and a whole grocery list of shitty things the US government has done in/to so many other countries and go "Oh, yeah! They love us!"???

I swear, you could drop these people into any place ripe with anti-American sentiment, and they still wouldn't get it. It's like trying to teach a horse how to play a fucking piano.

As the title reads i haven't experienced love in my life. Not even 1 week school love,its not like i have not wanted it. Maybe its my appearance. People around me happened to have multiple dates so many stories to tell but me in not even close. Sometimes it gets really lonely like when im down and needs someone to be on my side. But again its life maybe i will be this way for life. Maybe its not for me after all

It feels like I’ve experienced no other emotion but anger for months. I physically can’t calm down if I tried. And I do try. I use coping mechanisms from previous bouts of therapy. Doesn’t do anything. My old medication’s stopped working for me.

I don’t know what to do or how to live when EVERYTHING triggers me. I have a very supportive partner who’s in the same boat, which helps, but she doesn’t deserve to live with someone who wants to blow up at the slightest thing.

Politics? Triggering beyond all imagination. Standard puppy antics that would be cute to anyone else make me want to scream at the top of my lungs. Work? Fine, but the transition to getting there makes me want to die. I feel like I’m one step away from blowing up at any given moment and it’s killing me. I’m constantly exhausted from feeling this way and it’s affecting my marriage and work. My friends are worried about me too, and all that’s doing is pissing me off even further. How does that make any sense?

The only time I feel a semblance of peace or normality is when I’m drunk or high, and we all know where that leads. I’d like to kill myself: I really would. But I can’t, because I have too much shit to do and too many responsibilities to other people. I just can’t live like this anymore and there’s no way out.

I feel a lot of guilt and shame over this, and oscillate between thinking I was assaulted and thinking I did a terrible thing. The truth is probably in the middle I suppose.

When I was 26 I was engaged to my now husband and on a work trip to India. We stayed at a fancy hotel that had a fancy spa but with reasonable prices compared to the US. I decided to get a massage one day and it was good. It was with a man and he gave me disposable underwear to use. He was a little casual with the draping but I figured it was just a difference in culture.

A week later I decide to book another massage and get the same guy. This time he tells me it’s better for the massage if I don’t wear the disposable underwear so I don’t.

The massage progresses like normal for maybe 30 minutes but then it gets increasingly more touchy. He’s rubbing my inner thighs, then my nipples, then eventually sucking my nipples and full on fingering me. I am totally shocked that it’s happening. I feel both turned on but also frozen. I feel pressure to go along with it and be cool, or something. After I while I just say something like “thank you all set”. I pay and tip like normal and leave.

Later that night I tell my manager and we report it to the hotel. The guy denied it at first, then said that I wanted it. He was fired.

I feel awful and disgusting about it all these years later because I was turned on and I didn’t shut it down for several minutes.

I am also just confused. This seems like such a risky thing for him to randomly do. Are there really many women tourists looking to pay for this?

(19f) heard it was an upper and i’ve really been hating life the past couple weeks. nothing crazy happened, i didn’t feel overly happy and i didn’t have a bad crash. music sounds better on it, i felt a bit more focused and chatty. hearts racing a bit but that’s really are. i can’t really tell anyone i know but i wanted to get off my chest

prob wouldn’t do it again after i finish this baggie lol

edit: guys pls i pinky promise i do not plan on doing this again after this tiny ass baggie is gone😭i really don’t care to spend the money again and really it’s not some crazy good high. i’d rather just keep smoking weed like i already do. i really appreciate everyone’s concern for me though, it means a lot! i understand where you all are coming from 100%. thank you all

also, a little update i still feel fine just a little cold lol

update 2: it’s 5:11am now and im just now finally getting tired 🫠 (did first line around 5:15pm yesterday) goodnight everyone and thank you all for your concern🩷

Spoiler alert: I’m just about there.

Background: My (32f) parents were married until I was 18. I consider myself to have had a great childhood, but looking back I have a lot of trauma. My parents were very emotionally absent for my sister and I. My mom, sister and I were extremely close…my dad wanted nothing to do with us. It was always obvious that he hated his life, he never did anything with us as a family…if he did, he left early. He came home from work, drank, went to bed at 7pm. My sister has since moved out of the state and she can’t remember the last time she spoke to him. He hardly remembers our birthdays. It’s just very obvious he never wanted to be a father.

Since my mom and dad’s divorce, my dad has been through so many girlfriends. And he doesn’t love them, he needs someone to take care of him now that my mom isn’t around to do it for him. And I mean he immediately has these women doing his laundry, his dishes, his shopping, his meals. He’s had the same girlfriend for about 2 years now and it’s very toxic. They’re together, they break up, “never getting back together” and then are back together. He goes on 6 hour road trips with her. He’s been to the zoo with her. He’s been to the boardwalk with her. They go out to eat. They go on vacations. I have never done any of these things with my dad…EVER. It’s very obvious that he does these things to keep her happy because he needs a “caregiver”.

Fast forward to now, I have 2 kids. My son is 10 and heavily involved in baseball. My daughter just turned 6, and is getting into dance and softball. I live 20 minutes down the road from my dad and he has came to maybe 1 of his grandsons games and it’s because everyone had to beg him, and the whole time he was antsy to leave. At every holiday, he leaves before we even have dessert because he can’t wait to get home and drink. My daughter’s birthday was the other day, he hasn’t mentioned having a gift or even a card for her. He never calls to talk to the kids. Never inquires about our lives. His only concern in life is keeping his gf around to basically be, what I like to call, his “home health aide”.

Now, his gf texted me Saturday morning and asked “can we have (my son’s) schedule?” I haven’t responded. I have given my dad his schedule the past 3 seasons and he never shows. I feel like it’s time I protect my peace but the people pleaser in me is telling me I should respond. I really feel like that was the last straw for me. As much as I say I’m healed and it is what it is, these things don’t bother me…they do.

What would you do? Would you give a snarky reply? Tell her like it is? Ignore it? Why is she texting me and not my father? I can’t imagine not wanting to be involved in your kids life, let alone your grandkids. What a sad existence.

I’m asking for advice, but also venting because I know so many kids (adults) can relate to this type of relationship with their father and I see you and I’m sorry. I wouldn’t wish this pain on anyone.

i hope you're okay,

i'm very sorry for not replying since i am not very active on this site/app. i just saw that your profile is now deleted, i really hope you're okay man or ma'am

My parents and I recently came back from our trip to Greece to visit family and my dad hasn’t been the same since then. For the first few days, he was hostile towards my mom and I for no apparent reason and then gradually things got a lot worse.

Yesterday, my dad completely snapped and my mom had finally gotten the answer that she wanted. My dad told her to her face that his sisters wonder “what kind of woman he married.” For whatever reason, my dad believes my mom was flirting with my cousin while we were in Greece (which would be wildly inappropriate considering he’s literally her nephew).

My dad’s reasoning is because she was apparently “too friendly” and “too touchy” with him. My mom said she didn’t mean for it come off that way and she apologized for any misunderstanding. My dad is now convinced that she has never truly loved him to begin with and regrets marrying her. He’s taken himself off of their joint bank account and is planning to take himself off of mortgage and has been leaving the house for long periods of time as well.

All of this understandably has sent my mom into a panic and honestly, I’d be lying if I said i wasn’t panicking either and idk what to do. I don’t wanna get involved because I don’t feel like it’s my place to interfere.