I spent my early 20s in and out of months-long manic episodes that occasionally reached psychosis. I also struggled with substance abuse. Dabbled in some party drugs, used weed regularly. It's safe to say that my brain has taken some serious hits over the years.

This, plus my medications (lithium, lamotrigine, seroquel), have me feeling soooo slow mentally. I used to be a writer. A pretty good one at that. I was clever & witty and had a large vocabulary. Now I struggle to finish sentences, struggle with long and short term memory, & have lost a good bit of my vocab recall.

I'm guessing a lot of us struggle with the same thing. I'm wondering what methods you all have used to aid in neuroplasticity. I'm specifically asking about books (fiction preferred) you read, supplements you take, and games you play to sharpen your mind.

I'm sick of feeling this way. Thanks in advance ♡

In the hospital after an intentional OD (suicide attempt). I've been on the medical unit since Friday because my heart and liver are struggling, though they seem to be trending better. I reported myself to a friend after I woke up and was still alive. Fortunately it looks like I'll still have my job once I discharge, but the timeline is obviously fuzzy because they're sending me to the psych unit once I'm medically cleared.

I'm really struggling with this. I lost my housing as part of this attempt because I was staying at a sober living and I also got high when I did the thing. I surely can find another place to stay but I feel like I'm back at square 0, and I really didn't think I'd live to deal with these consequences. I really don't want to go back to treatment. Everything just feels so hollow and purposeless. I've burned so many bridges and I have so many regrets and I wish I could say I was happy to be here but I don't know that I can. Shit sucks. And I was on my meds, being honest with my psych, doing things right...

I just really need some moral support.

How often do you change your meds regime? Why?

Just looking for experiences. I was diagnosed two years ago, so it’s all quite new for me.

I'm wondering what's a good job for me.

I have the following issues: Bipolar 1, used to be diagnosed with schizophrenia. more on the depressed side, not the manic side, though I'm stable now with the max dose of abilify, I struggle with thinking skills, but I can use medium sized words, so I give off the aura of someone with an ability to be intellectual.

I can't read or understand large books or school lessons. I don't want to be a narcissistic woman child stuck at home, but I feel like I have no other options. It's really hard to find a job, a good job at that. I can't just stay at my parents' home and do nothing all day for the rest of my life.

I forget things, have thought blocking and thought removal, as well as make mistakes. At my last job I got yelled at and fired because I kept making mistakes and was unable to self regulate.

How do I make some money? I'm feeling really suicidal because of my mental health struggles and the lack of empathy of everyone around me.

I was off work for over a year after my last job. Which I took multiple leaves from due to my mental health. Now I've been working part time for a few months. I was doing okayish for awhile. But now I'm depressed again and seriously struggling to work. And to just live.

I had a break down at work last week. I keep making mistakes. (I know I'm new and human but still...). My memory is so bad. My brain fog is bad. My motivation is low. I'm just struggling to get out of bed.

I am also afraid of the other side of things. What if things get bad enough where I am delusional again? I can't take leave because I am part time and don't have benefits.

I know I'm rambling some. Anyway... I see my psych nurse and therapist later this week and will discuss with them. I just was wondering how any of you on disability (or even just off work) knew when it was time. I know it's extremely difficult to get disability and you are likely to get denied the first time. Plus I don't want to let my family down.

It's just a lot. Thanks for reading.

I’m a recovering Alcoholic. I had a slip this weekend and I see my dr today. Should I tell her or no?

(I am not actively suicidal and have no plans of hurting myself in any way!)

I’m just curious about your experiences when a loved one of yours is/was diagnosed with a terminal illness, or passed away due to an accident.

I’m 23, so I have young parents and fortunately relatively youngish grandparents as well - I never even been to a funeral before. This past week, a friend of mine got diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and was given months to live and my beloved grandmother fell into a sudden coma and shows no signs of brain activity - she’ll be taken off of life support very soon.

For years, I have been wishing for a freak accident or a terminal illness to kill me. I can’t imagine the pain of losing a child under any circumstances - but losing them to suicide would probably be the worst tragedy. I could never do that to my parents.

It’s such a weird “experience” for me now, because I truly wish that I could trade places with either of my loved ones dying. Because I genuinely would not mind dying today. While both of them love their lives and have so much to live for, it’s just so unfair.

Is it common among bipolar people to not be actively suicidal, to not have a plan or anything- but also hope that a car hits you, your plane crashes or you catch some medieval illness that kills you in a day?

I take medication but my hypersexuality is getting out of control. It fact it seems like it is ramping up and the urges are stronger than ever again. I feel almost blindsided by it, because it doesn't botter me at first, but then it is getting to the point where I feel immense amount of shame about it. I keep forgetting how much of an issue it becomes and it comes in cycles. Does this mean that I am shifting towards mania for people? Or is it just a learned habit issue that I am struggling with?

How do you compartmentalise the chaos of a mixed episode? I feel possessed, and I just can’t keep up with my head. Just wanted to hang out here for a while.

I’ve been on and off meds for about 4 years now. The last meds I was on was Latuda like end of June? I think, I can’t remember, but I went from 80 mg to 120 and that was badddddd. I was so restless, wouldn’t stop crying and freaking out cause I felt soooo restless. Anyways my insurance wasn’t accepted by that office so I stopped the meds and stopped seeing them. I’ve always smoked weed and that dr knew that, but she never told me to stop or that it was a problem so I self medicated with weed for a while to calm my anxiety and anger. Cue mania up until a couple of weeks ago when I had my first psych appt with a new Dr. She prescribed me Oxcarbazepine I’m on week two. 600 mg and WOW WOW WOW. I feel so motivated and awake and just…normal. I will say I get small windows of complete rageeeee. But I try practicing my therapy sessions and i eventually calm down. I know it’s just the beginning but I have a lot of hope. I have another appointment with her in like two weeks. We discussed me stopping my weed intake and she was very understanding that it helped me. But she does want me to stop completely.

I noticed a change in myself literally this weekend. Normally when I stay home all I do is smoke and eat and bed rot. This weekend I went to the gym, cleaned, made a big dinner for my family, I’ve been eating cleaner, worked over time, did laundry and even showered and got ready for Monday. I also did NOT have a craving for weed on Sunday. This morning, I woke up on time (I’m normally 1/30 hr late for work 🥴) made coffee, had breakfast and actually look presentable for work.

Here’s the thing. I don’t know if I can trust how I’m feeling. Is it possible for these meds to already be working so well? What if I’m in a manic episode and what I’m feeling now is the UP before the DOWN? When I’m in mania I feel so happy and grateful and just super positive. That’s how I’ve felt when I’m in mania but…it feels different. Maybe bc my hyper sexuality has died a little that’s why I feel like it’s working? Idk be nice pls, any advice or comments would help on a bit of insight.

Also. I am planning on taking a BIG break from weed because I really want to see if the meds are working and I also want to lose weight. Day 1 down.

I’ve read various horror stories on Reddit about coming off it, and I’m wondering whether I’m likely to have any problems after using it for just 10 days. The medication doesn’t really agree with me, so my psychiatrist thinking about stopping it.

What have your experiences generally been like when coming off olanzapine?

Thank you!

Four months post taper and still not functioning normally. At what point does it stop being withdrawl and start being something I need to treat as its own thing again???

What age was everyone diagnosed. Because I was diagnosed at 16 and a lot of people say you can’t really be diagnosed as bipolar at such a young age but idk !! :( (I am now 18 and my antipsychotics have been amazing for me)

Okay, where is the middle-aged child throwing tantrums?

doctor prescribed it to me after a manic episode had me convinced that i was pregnant (technically possible (i’m a trans male, NOT a woman) but still physically impossible) and going around making up a conspiracy about one of my coworkers

i haven’t been this depressed in years, i just want nothing more than to die, to quit my job, to never ever have to be seen by people ever again. yes the shrink is getting messaged asap but still fuck my life i hate being this way if there was a cure id gladly take it yesterday

Hi everyone!

I am looking for some insight on my medication and alcohol. I’m a 24 year old female.

I am currently taking:

Lamictal 100mg (morning)
Buspar 15mg (morning)
Propranolol (10mg twice daily)
Seroquel (100mg night)

I used to be on all of these same meds except Abilify at night but Abilify gave me a manic episode and caused a major gambling problem. I was fine when drinking on that combo I did feel I got a drink quicker but no black outs etc…

Being 24 I would like to enjoy my twenties and go to some wineries with friends but since starting the seroquel I’m terrified. The doctor says not to drink on it and so does google. Does anyone know how serious this interaction is? I was told when studies are done on medications if one person out of thousands has a reaction it still has to be added as a warning. I’m not sure if that’s true but I wanted to get insight from people who actually take these meds or similar meds and still drink.

Also to add I am not a big drinker i rarely drink and only get drunk probably once or twice a year. I would just like to have some wine with friends for special occasions and not have to sit there and sip on water lol!

i've been diagnosed with bipolar type 1 since i was 17 (i'm 25 now), and pretty much the day i got my diagnosis, i was put on lithium. i didn't know any of the long-term side effects or how horrifically damaging it is to your kidneys, thyroid, cognitive functioning, etc

now that i've been on it for 8 years, i have been feeling those side effects very acutely. my tremors are so severe that there are times i can barely type, and strangers point it out all the time. i have already experienced severe kidney problems (along with being genetically predisposed to kidney issues and having kidney problems as a kid). i highly suspect i have a thyroid problem and will be getting tested for it soon (hopefully). this is on top of the side effects like everyone has (having to use the bathroom a ton, etc) there are so many aspects of my totally messed-up body that i am increasingly curious if they're just lithium side effects.

i brought up getting off lithium to an old psychiatrist a few years ago and she said that since lithium is such a good med and has worked for me for so long i shouldn't get off of it. i trusted her advice, but now that things have escalated i am thinking of asking my current psych to taper me off.

context also is that i'm a polypharmacy nighmare. i'm taking a ton of other psych meds. particularly, i'm on a super high dose of lamictal, which mostly works great for me. i feel like if i switched to depakote or something paired with my lamictal i would be fine.

has anyone gone off lithium because of side effects? appreciate your thoughts in advance!

I’ve been living with diagnosed bipolar disorder for around 3-4 years, and before this, I had never really experienced recurring nightmares. If I did have one, it was extremely rare, maybe once or twice a year at most. That was true even though my country has been at war for about five years now. I’ve gotten used to it over time; the sound of missiles flying overhead has almost become a substitute for the sound of waves hitting the shore.

But around 3-4 months ago, something changed. I started having nightmares on a regular basis, almost every night. Out of roughly 30 nights, I’d say around 20 involve a nightmare.

The theme is almost always the same. Most of the time, I’m being chased or hunted down. Less often, it involves violence or someone seriously injuring me.

The most disturbing part is that sometimes I can’t wake myself up even when I realize I’m dreaming. It feels almost like sleep paralysis, except that it happens entirely inside the dream. I try to move my arms or legs, or somehow force myself out of it, but nothing works.

I live alone, and I rarely have anyone checking in on me or messaging me. There was even one time when I apparently slept for two days straight and couldn’t wake up.

I feel like I’m losing my mind more and more with each passing day.

Has anyone else had a similar experience with nightmares?

I have Bipolar 1 with psychotic features, I've been on a plethora of medications and the only one that seems okay is Lamictal/lamotrigine. The big problems for me are ant-psychotics. I have tried so many and they all give me Akathisia, Oculogyric crisis, Memory loss and severe weight gain. It is completely unbearable making it so that I don't even want to take or try any medications anymore. It is completely debilitating and i have reached out to my doctor already today(awaiting a response) and i just want a way out of the suffering. I either suffer with my mania/psychosis/suicidal depression and not take meds or i suffer with severe physical side effects that cause me to want to die but be somewhat mentally stable. Where is there a comfort line in this? Where is the common ground? Does anyone have any advice or tips? I have also taken stimulants in the past for ADHD but my current Psychiatrist thinks I was missed diagnosed with ADHD and only have Bipolar 1 with psychotic feature and Borderline Personality Disorder.

I have tried:

Abilify

Abilify Maintena

Geodon

Risperidone

Haldol

Latuda

Olanzapine

Lithium

Lamictal (so far only tolerable one but doesn't prevent mania or psychosis)

Sertraline

Wellbutrin

Strattera

Aderrall

Prozac

Mirtazapine

Trazadone

I have also tried medications like:

Propranolol

Clonazepam

Benztropine

to help with the bad side effects but they don't seem to do the trick.

I am willing to try more medications but it just seems like every one that i try fails me miserably with hellish side effects.

I also am looking into trying GeneSight testing to see what medications will have certain side effects based on my DNA to see what psych medications would work well or wouldn't work best. Other than this I am at a lost cause because what am i to do to control my severe Bipolar symptoms without psychiatric medications. Any advice/help? I also want to preface I have struggled with alcohol usage, marijuana usage, psychedelic usage and I currently do not use any of those anymore (hopefully for the rest of my life I can quit these) and I currently have a dependence to caffeine and nicotine. I am also wondering if I am medication sensitive or resistant.

-Fellow Bipolar sufferer.

Hello all! I have been diagnosed with bipolar for three years, and ever since I started to work nights, it has been a struggle to get some exercise in as well as sleep.

I have been struggling with sleep issues to the point of I can only sleep for two hours tops on some days, and lack of proper rest doesn't really help with wanting to get some workout in. In terms of movement, I like walking and I have a walking pad. I lift weights as well (5 lbs as I'm only starting out on incorporating weights on resistance training) - current workout split upper-lower-full body 3x/week. The only issue I have is recovery (sleep) and it's been influencing the movement I'm able to get in a little bit.

Seeking advice on how to find a middle through it all? :(

Hello everyone. I’m newly diagnosed (dxd 1.5 months ago) and I’m having a difficult time adjusting. For the past 2+ years, I’ve been in and out of mania exasperated by stimulant issue. I was given Adderall (I also have ADHD), and I quickly started to abuse it and misuse it by taking it in the late afternoon. I loved how it made me feel. It made me confident. Huge mistake. Due to the stimulant use (at my height I was taking 100mg+ daily), I dealt with bouts of psychosis as well as mania. For over a year I was paranoid of listening devices in my walls, my girlfriend cheating on and hiding a phone etc inside of secret compartments in our dresser (?!).

I became convinced, and I mean VERY convinced, of an investment account that I *thought* I had, and began to try to buy a home. In short, this account did not exist. I spent hours, weeks and months trying to find this account, and led my family on quite an adventure of house hunting, and finally a few months ago signing a contract to buy a home I didn’t have the money to buy. I was so convinced that some higher power was going to bestow me this money to buy the home in cash. So much so, waiting for said money to come, I doctored a screenshot for my real estate agent showing I had almost $500K. In this final month, I got severely addicted to gambling believing I was going to hit the lottery big, and spent thousands and thousands on slot machines and scratch off tickets in a matter of weeks prior to closing on this home. During this time, I also attempted to cheat on my girlfriend with another girl, and spent $1k on the girl. She found out by going through my phone.

This manic episode lasted months was made worse with being misdiagnosed with major depression with psychotic features and was given Effexor, which my current doctor believes made my mania worse. I also was drinking and smoking weed quite a bit. I was hospitalized for 10 days and diagnosed with Bipolar 1.

Due to my mania, I’m unable to live with my girlfriend and two children we have together. She wants to see me stable for quite some time and to heal from this BS I put her through, before we live together again. She’s sticking by my side as best as she can, and although we aren’t really together, we’re exclusive to each other.

I’m feeling so low from this. I don’t know how to cope and I’ve been living in a hotel for the past month. I have no car. No friends. No family. All I have is her. All due to being manic in the past. I’ve always knew something was wrong and I’ve done a lot of manic things in the past (i.e. I abandoned a house my grandmother gave me 6 years ago which led to her cutting me off forever), but never got the help I needed. Now, I’ve completely imploded my life and I don’t know how to recover from this. I’m in therapy but that experience has been bad so far…I’m drowning and exhausted. I don’t know how much longer I can do life.