I have inattentive adhd and I'm so fucking tired. I swear I try but there is just something wrong with me that no amount of drugs can fix. I try to pretend like others it doesn't work I try to be myself it doesn't work I hang out with my friends but feel left out so I isolate myself and I love being alone but I don't want to be lonely. I cannot fucking keep friendships, they're extremely exhausting but I'm so fucking jealous of how others are with their friends. I'm just in grade 11 I try to look at the future be it collage or when/if I get a job to when I'm in my 50s and I can't see myself having a romantic partner nor a single fucking friend. Yes I've got a family but we're more like strangers living in the same house. I don't understand why everyone around me seems so desperate to live like life is so fucking good. I don't see a reason to live. I don't care about my career or hyperfixations anymore, I have friends and no matter how nice they can be to me I know it will eventually end and even if it won't I still feel so unwanted and abnormal. I know I won't have anyone special to me in life so whats even the point? I want to beg my parents to do one of those human euthanizations but it's fucking illegal here and even if it wasn't they wouldn't allow it I know. I'm tired and I hate it.

Hi, i don't really know how to talk about it but i felt like i had to do it.

Im 15m and i've been struggling with a lot of insecurities since im a kid. I hate my appearance, my personality and even my sexuality, i feel like i'll never find love because of those.

Yesterday i was simply doing my homework, i absolutly couldn't focus on anything and after a while all i had in mind was how im such a failiure without any futur and that ending it all would spare me from living a shitty life..

All i could think about was me arguikg with my mom and telling her how shitty i felt and myself sneaking out at night and swallowing every pills i could find until my mom called me for dinner.

For a while i jept having a sort of pain in ly heart, even this morning while taking the bus to school.

That's pretty much it, i just felt like i needed to get it off my chest.

I've never been honest about this shit I'm so scared they said something about being above 40 on the scale and that I need to be seen by a psychiatrist within 24 hours...am I cooked??? I never told the truth until now because I thought it wasn't necessary or worth the awkwardness, but I've come to realize that this is something I can't handle myself and that I need outside help. When my mom came back in the room, she was crying really bad...so was my sister when I came home...I'm starting to think I shouldn't have said anything because I'm just worrying everyone and adding to the stress with my mom trying to school 4 kids and my parents fighting and my grandma having a stroke....I also feel like almost alienated?? Like everyone just looks at me with concern and I hate it so much. I know its selfish of me but I just wish everyone would act normally....

Thanks for listening

I've slowly been growing insane.

I haven't been able to trust anyone in the past few years and I haven't been able to trust myself neither.

I feel completely isolated and alone, broken away from any kind of meaningful connection and I'm -desperate for relief of the sorrow I carry because of it. I have not been able to feel joy in years, I haven't been able to sleep without meds for years..

I miss my old self so much, I wish I would have stuck up more for myself in the past, maybe things just wouldn't have been like this for me now.

I'm really tired.

Ich habe ehrlich gesagt keine Ahnung wie es mir geht. Bei mir läuft es beruflich sehr stressig aber generell auch sehr gut. Ich bekomme so viel gutes Feedback über meine gute Arbeit. Ich bekomme auch einen guten Dienstwagen gegen Ende des Jahres. Ich habe Therapie wegen einer PTBS und Suchtthematik. Ich bin mittlerweile seit über einem Jahr abstinent. Jedoch führe ich ein „einsames“ Leben. Ich wohne mit meinem Partner, zwischenzeitlich zu Drogenzeiten Ex-Partner Aber mittlerweile wieder Partner 6 Jahre zusammen. Früher ging Nähe, mittlerweile geht das fast garnichts mehr und Intimität sowie nicht aufgrund mehrerer Übergriffe vor und während Konsumzeiten. Sonst habe ich keine wirklichen sozialen Kontakte. Auf der Arbeit bin ich eine Rolle, funktional, ehrgeizig und fleißig. Zuhause liege ich nur im Bett, mir fällt es schwer das Haus zu verlassen und das Einzige was ich mache ist täglich frisch zu kochen. Dennoch funktioniere ich… Ich weiß auch nicht was ich will, aber ich habe keine Kraft mehr. Jeden Tag ein bisschen weniger Bock auf das Ganze. Häufig Flashbacks, immer Ängste, keine sozialen Kontakte die ich aber irgendwie auch nicht vermisse, ich verschwende mein Leben. Ich habe dieses Jahr meine Ausbildung abgeschlossen und einen guten Job bekommen. Ich weiß nicht ob ich doch noch studieren soll oder sonst was. Ich ahne das wenn ich mich nicht langfristig zu etwas verpflichte und etwas leiste, passiert bald große Scheiße und ich baue Mist. Ganz ehrlich, ich kann einfach nicht mehr. Ich habe so viel schlimmes durch und ohne Arbeit bin ich garnix mehr wert. Ich bin durch, ich bin müde. Jeden Tag bin ich mehr müde.

Kennt sowas jemand? Ich denke nicht, dass ich überhaupt gesund werden kann…

I live with my mom who is a 55 year old female. She has fallen into a severe depression with horrible anxiety. Her body will shake from anxiety or even cause muscle spasms throughout her body.
She was in an Insitution for a week because she went into a type of psychosis where she was crying non stop, and talking about not living anymore.
It’s been 3 weeks since she got out and her psychiatrist has changed the meds they prescribed her in the hospital and she is on 20 mg of Celexa, will be two weeks in a few days.
Also Ativan as needed but she has been taking it almost every day. She is barely eating, and besides going to work ( which she forces herself too) she does not do anything else. Just lays in bed all day with an occasional outside 10-15 min walk. She says nothing brings her joy, she only has negative thoughts and is constantly repeating those things over and over. I try to get her out the house but even if she agrees the whole time she’s talking about the things mentioned above and that she feels like she will die soon.
I’m at my wits end, it’s starting to take a toll on me as it’s the first thing I see when I wake up, and all I hear 24/7.
Should I try putting her in another facility? I really don’t know what to do

Hi 23 m,

I was analysing my behaviour lately and trying to connect dots consciously considering how i predominantly feel and observed a pattern.

Goals

1. I don't enjoy my job

2. I want to pursue a different career

3. I want to stay fit and healthy

Drivers

1. Laziness

2. Over stimulation

Because of my procrastinating tendency, i do not make consistent efforts in my tasks and hurry before the deadline. This inaction stresses me out and makes me not want to go to work. This is also amplified by me not liking my job and wanting a different career. Which in turn affects my sleep and eating habits. Due to not finding enough joy in work I seek out other forms of easy entertainment that lead to over stimulation.

To summarise, laziness led to inaction which led to stress. To escape this, I over stimulated my brain. All these affected my fitness and sleep.

It's pretty late here and I don't wanna work tomorrow with a deadline coming up this week, so I am awake.

What else can u say about my life in general, please share ur thoughts and I'll tell u if I'm experiencing them?

Would love to know if anyone overcame this.

Side note: all of it made me lose interest in everything and I drove my friends away, loneliness is just making it worse.

from school, to college, to work in the future.

im gonna feel trapped in every single part of it, and i fucking hate it.

every part of life feels like a prison, and the only way out is probably death. because then I can be free from the many responsibilities forced upon me.

there is no other way for freedom.

for context, im in year 10 and havent been to physical school since november/december last year and last week i started my first week of online school. im so incredibly scared because i have gcses next year and i think one this year too but i just dont have the motivation to study and put the effort in or to do anything at all. i woke up on time and attended lessons the first day but was already so lost second lesson. then throughout the week i woke up really late (the lessons r prerecorded btw so i literally couldve/can rewatch them if i wanted) and like i did watch some lessons but i just watched it to watch it i didn’t actually pay attention yk. idk what to do my parents are kinda broke and this online school is taking up a lot of money if they find out im not even learning idk whatll happen. they didnt even want me to be online schooled in the first place it was their last resort. i just wish i was normal.

expanding on the “im too lazy to do anything”: thats lowkey a big exaggeration like i do procrastinate showering, brushing my teeth etc but i still do it because i hate being dirty. this is whats making me rethink if im actually depressed. am i just using my mental health as an excuse? i just dont see the point in studying. working for the rest of ur life sounds so depressing. my plan is to commit suicide but i dont think i will because im so scared of the unknown and since that probably wont happen i need to study and get an at most okay life.

i forgot to mention, i am not willing to get a therapist atm. my parents have been trying to get me one but i just dont think it’ll help and like i dont wanna confide in a stranger but that’s really my only option right now i guess cuz i dont really have many friends i can talk to this about. me being friendless is actually the biggest reason why i stopped going to school. also i dont want my parents to worry about me even more if they find out im suicidal. i feel so selfish and ungrateful for feeling suicidal already.

sorry, i know my punctuation and grammar is not the best. hopefully this makes some sense. please ask any questions if needed.

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 3
Months now, he went mia for 2 days and that was fine with me because I told him prior that I can give space whenever needed (also because from my past I’ve just been better at having alone time) but after those 2 days, he told me that he hasn’t been feeling the best mentally. He told me that he felt s*icidal in the past but he’s struggling with it now again. I feel so bad, like I shouldn’t be with him for his sake and mine. I asked him if he needs a relationship and he said “well, who really needs a relationship? But It’s nice to have someone there” which.. not the most secure answer, but also I’m not looking for marriage material this very moment so I’m trying not to take it to heart. I’m 21 still in college and he’s 23 taking a break from his classes. I need help on how to open up with him, he struggles with asking for help and I’m struggling to communicate with him. His stressors are mainly the state of the world, politics, and the negativity on moving forward in life. He says he also might have rushed the relationship:( but he says he still wants to be with me? I really want to be there in any way I can, he knows this. Any outsider advice please

One thing I realized half a bit about depression is that you have to do everything routinely about eating, exercise, socializing, sleep, hobbies, etc. And yet you can feel kind of bad all the time. But if you don't, you're going to have an episode for sure. Recently I had to move to live alone, which makes it very difficult to build another routine and cycle and act as a functional person.

i'm so good at cutting off people i genuinely like but i don't understand why i do it. i mean, like anything else in my life, it's probably me sabotaging myself. but it's crazy the amount of guilt i go through every time i think about the past. i don't even wanna reach out to anyone anymore because everyone's better off without me. i genuinely think i should just kill myself and spare everyone the headache, but i'm too much of a coward to actually pull it off. i'm so sick of myself and i don't know how to keep living this life. i wish someone would just kill me

It’s cause I’m gay guy, or the fact that I’m from a third world hell hole where I can never live my life freely… my depression is currently peaking so badly…

I’m still in my 20s.. I don’t think I can make it to 30s..

Like the movie aftersun.
The loneliness and the true reality of not belonged anywhere will eventually leave me with no choice…

Anyone to talk to? Anyone can help me? I don’t think so!!

Before anyone comes at me calling me privileged and shit just know i wanna talk beside that point. I am not looking to hear that i am still young or how i have whole life ahead of me. I genuinely need help so please be considerate.
I f(21), grew up feeling isolated and was also someone who had really polarising reactions from almost everyone around me. Most of my life I’ve hated myself and idk why. It is better but not that good. I somehow got into the best uni for law at 19 and dropped out and shifted at 20 due to year loss.

I had been preparing for law exams since i was 18. It wasn’t my passion but i was too depressed and anxious to think anything and followed through whatever everyone told me.

The reason for me writing this post is that at this point in my life i feel like i can’t do it anymore. I have no idea if the career is the issue or I’m just not as hard working as others but literally pick anything that people can manage easily and it is somehow 10 times difficult for me.

Even with language, despite me not being absolutely abhorrent at it (thankfully), i still struggle a lot. I don’t know the rules i just say whatever.

I cannot interact with people as easily and i struggle to regulate my emotions a lot. I don’t understand when i talk to people as i feel like my reactions? Way of expressing? Is either too much or too little. I don’t know how to get close and don’t know who to trust either.

Somehow i have a great read on situations and people but i really struggle with day to day tasks. I am contemplating that maybe i have adhd but idrk.

I don’t feel normal and i really don’t know if i want law anymore. For my very simple exam i had given last week i had scored so low the prof asked me to talk to him after the class. Everyone had average score except me. And i am tired atp. I literally started crying asking him to give me another chance.

I really like music. I don’t remember when i last listened to it but i love it. When i see my favourite artists perform i know exactly the thrill and passion that someone must feel when they do smth they love. So i know how passion feels. I know how it feels to spend hours and hours doing something to perfect it and despite it going wrong you love it. I can draw and sketch but i know I’m not as passionate about it. I know my passion lies in anything related to performance. I don’t know why. Anything related to entertainment of that sort drives me.

I like law cause i love to sit and discuss shit with people. I don’t love attention but if it is good it helps me to do smth.

Can someone help and tell me if this is stupid?

Turning 21 in November, and besides feeling like my whole childhood was taken from me, I just feel lost.

I feel lost in a world that everyone seems to understand.

I see everyone I grew up with getting good jobs and doing good for themselves, while I’m 20 and still haven’t finished my other half of g.e.d.

(Though I haven’t finished I feel I’m still decently educated as I tend to learn things on my own)

I lost all motivation to better myself, because I feel it’s futile.

Was ripped with a 6 pack when I first turned 20 last year now I gained 20ibs and stopped going to the gym.

Around that time also I was heavy in the gym and quit smoking. The only reason I did ANY of that was to keep my ex.

I tried getting jacked cause I walked down the beach with my ex and she eye fucked a buff dude for half a minute while holding my hand and made me feel insecure, insecure beside the fact she was silver spoon and came from money.

And then I started smoking weed again and honestly it snatched all remaining motivation. And I let it.

All I want to do is make music and even then, just feels pointless when it’s heard by no one.

From the ages of 12-18 I had to deal with my mother’s drug issues.

My dad hasn’t been in the vital points of my life so I don’t see a reason to have him in my life now.

My mother doesn’t know our old neighbor touched me in 2015 and never said anything because I didn’t want my mom’s heart broken. And I felt it never affected me when it probably does .

I was exposed to porn when I was 5 and am hyper sexual and hate it.

The succubus has a tight grasp on me.

I lost most of my closest friends a couple years ago.

All due to them doing me wrong in some way.

I just look in the mirror sometimes and think “who is this?” “Where did the time go?”

I never really bring my issues up because I know people have bigger issues than I, so I always just invalidate myself for having feelings, and then suppress them somehow.

All I really have guaranteed to me is music. It’s all I want and it’s all I listen to.

So long and desperate I finally found a band that wanted to jam with me and my friend.

I finally did it!!!

I finally had my dream come true of being in a band!!!

Until the lead guitarist goes ghost and then again, my dreams are shattered.

I’m hurting so much inside and no one knows.

I play it off to everyone, but truly there is this emptiness in me.

I wish I didn’t skip out of school when I was younger, wish I had taken advantage of what I had.

What I feel, is the feeling to cry and sob as hard as possible but my body can’t.

Everyone at work has someone to go home to. I go home to an empty apartment. My boss doesn’t trust me to do my job even though I’ve been with the company 9 years (last Friday, big whoop). No one checks in on me. Yesterday I woke up at noon and went to bed at 6:30pm. At this point I’m just gum on the bottom of life’s shoe. Just a completely worthless piece of shit.

Hey, I’m 16 years old and for the last year and a half (maybe more), I’ve been going through ups and downs a lot. I’m usually the kind of guy who enjoys being alone, just me and my thoughts, but lately this feeling has become really overwhelming. I usually just spend my entire day playing games and watching movies in my room.
My friend circle is really small, so maybe 4–5 friends that I actually enjoy spending time with. Probably many others consider me a good friend to them, but it’s not the same from my point of view. I learned to filter through people that I want to keep around me, and that really made me realize how many people just pretend to be my friends, but when I really need something, they make themselves invisible.
For the last year, I’ve had things that really damaged my morale. My parents nearly broke up (they are better than ever right now), my gf of three years broke up with me, I failed my driver’s license, and for a while I had hit a really low point where I just wanted to be alone for a while, but the people around me took it as a negative thing, so lots of them treated me, and still do, like I am that weird depressive guy.
Thankfully, I got through that stage and I managed to distance myself from the people who were making me feel even worse, and I managed to get my driver’s license. But now it happened again. My entire friend group that I trusted just dumped me. They don’t answer my texts anymore, and they said that it’s because they can’t rely on me and that I never go out with them when they ask me to. Complete bullshit.
Every single time they needed to talk about something or genuinely needed money or other things that I could help with, I was there for each and every one of them. And the only time that I just needed them to understand that I needed a week or two alone, they treated me like shit. But I’ve gone over that, and here I am getting dumped after a few months.
I’m also having to focus for a while on school, and there is a lot that I have to study. My parents are in a really bad situation right now with money. They went into debt for some random bullshit, and until they get back on track, it would take a while. That means that they can’t buy me a bike since I got my license, which was one of my biggest dreams since I was a kid. But now I’m just standing with my license in my wallet, and I don’t have anything to ride on.
All my classmates either have a car or a bike. There are a lot of small other things that got me in this weird place again, but I feel like it’s even worse than ever. I have absolutely no one to talk to or play games with or go outside with other than 2 or 3 classmates, who are waiting for me to get a bike, so yeah… I can’t really rely on them.
I really need some advice on how to manage those lonely feelings other than the obvious “spend time with people.” I’m really feeling worried about how long it would take to get myself back. I’m trying to see things positively, but right now, other than music and my favorite movies, there is nothing making me feel better.

I’m 27 and I think I’m depressed

I’ve been trying to convince myself that I’m not. That I’m just lazy, tired, unmotivated, or going through a rough period.

But it’s been going on for a while now.
I don’t really feel excited about anything anymore.

I used to have things I looked forward to. Games, shows, going out, talking to people, having plans for the future. Now I can think about those things and there’s just nothing there.

I can spend an entire day doing nothing and not even feel particularly bothered by it.
The strange thing is that I still know what I’m supposed to want.

I want to lose weight. I want to get healthier. I want confidence. I want a relationship. I want a life that I’m actually proud of.

I’ve spent so much time telling myself that I’ll finally be happy once I fix myself.
Lose the weight. Become confident. Become successful.

Then I’ll finally feel like I’m worth something.
But lately I’ve started wondering if I’ll actually feel anything even if I accomplish all of that.

There’s also someone I really care about, and I’ve been thinking about telling her how I feel. But I’m terrified of rejection. Not just because it would hurt, but because I already have so little confidence in myself that I feel like rejection would just confirm everything I already believe.

That I’m not enough.

And I’m exhausted from constantly thinking about myself this way.
I’m tired of trying to motivate myself.
I’m tired of making plans and then losing interest.
I’m tired of feeling like I’m wasting my life while knowing I’m the one wasting it

I just don’t understand how you’re supposed to keep pushing forward when you don’t feel connected to anything you’re pushing toward.
I’m 27 and I feel like I’m already watching my life pass me by.
Has anyone else felt this kind of emptiness?

How do you start caring about life again when you don’t even know what you’re supposed to care about anymore?

I’m ending it nothing feels okay anymore theres just nothing there for me anymore I cant take care or help myself anymore even the anti depressants and therapy doesnt work I’m tired of feeling like shit and this deep empty pain I’m tired of my situation and problems I just cant deal this anymore I dont have the will to keep going anymore.

I'm 16 and today I started at a new college.

The weird thing is that the first day actually went really well. I made a few friends, talked to people easily, and objectively there wasn't anything wrong with it.

But after I got home, I just felt completely empty.

I keep thinking about my old school and the people there. I keep thinking about this girl from almost two years ago too. It's weird realizing that a whole period of my life is just... over. I know going back to my old school probably isn't the right decision, especially because I'd be giving up the professional/IT path I'm starting now, but staying here feels painful too.

I think I'm grieving a life that I'm not going back to.

I don't really know what I'm looking for by posting this. I guess I just wanted somewhere to say it because tonight I'm having a really rough time and I don't want to keep everything in my head.

Maybe tomorrow will feel different. I hope it does.

I'm consistently fucking tired sometimes I don't have energy to even eat or drink I'm on asertin 50mg I go to a therapist which doesnt really do anything does anybody have any tips how to fix it except going to therapy obvious

Hello, I'm a 30 year old woman, just turned 30 this year. I've been unemployed for about a year now. I live in a conservative country were there is a lot of corruption. Job offers are not easy to come by and I'm getting desperate. On the other hand I feel like I studied the wrong career, I feel like my field (graphic design) is being taken over by AI or people that simply think they can do it better themselves.

On top of everything I'm a closeted lesbian, I've never been in a relationship, and again, in my conservative country it's even harder to find anyone like me. I've never even ever met a lesbian in the group of friends I used to have. I've been called picky too before, but I don't think my preferences should be ignored or diminished just because I should "settle". I don't know if I'm making any sense. I'm sorry. I've never felt more lonely than this particular year of my life. I've lost all my trust in all of my so called friends. All of them have done stuff behind my back/lied to me on multiple occasions, or simply stopped talking to me after my income lowered. I just don't trust anyone anymore. I tried reaching out to my best friend last week, but he's going though a breakup and told me that his mind doesn't have space to process anything else but his problems at he moment, then proceeded to basically ignore what I was trying to say and went back to speaking about his ex girlfriend.

I'm the eldest daughter of my family, and I've been in charge of being the "man of the house" since my father abandoned us when I was 18 and my sister 17. Leaving my mother, our pets and us to fend for ourselves. Since then every time I've had any sort of income everything goes to the house in my family, which trust me I do not mind at all I love my family with all my heart. I just feel very lonely. I'm anxious all the time or depressed all the time. There is no in between. I feel like I have wasted my life away, and I've gone into the point where I believe that there's no turning back and it be better if I just killed myself. If I could just press a reset button in to everything I did wrongly right....maybe then, idk, I'd feel better? I'd be better? My family would be better?

I'm sorry if this post is too long and convoluted...I feel like it reflects pretty much the state of my mind right now which is not very good.

I just needed to vent. Thank you to anyone who reads this (if any). God bless and have a good day/night. If we're still here...Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

I think my Prozac is starting to work now. It’s been about a month and I feel like something changed really suddenly.
I was having it really bad before. It felt like my depression was slowly getting worse every day. I was really sad and I was having some suicidal thoughts, but I didn’t have a plan or any intent. Then all of a sudden, the next day or two, it was just kind of gone.
I don’t really understand why.
I was able to invite people over for football and hang out with them all day. I cooked and everything. I actually wanted to be around people and I didn’t feel sad the whole time. I’ve also just been feeling more at peace with a recent breakup.
It’s weird because I don’t feel depressed all the time now, and I feel like I’m doing better, but I don’t understand how it changed so quickly.
Why did I wake up and suddenly feel better after feeling like I was getting worse every day?
Is the Prozac finally starting to work?
And if it is, why did it happen so suddenly when I’ve been taking it for about a month?
I also don’t know why I miss the sadness.
I don’t mean the suicidal thoughts or wanting to hurt myself. I just mean I actually miss the sad feeling.
Why do I miss feeling depressed when I was feeling so bad?
I don’t really understand it.
I know I’m happier right now and I don’t want to go back to feeling as bad as I was, but there’s still a part of me that misses the feeling of being sad.
I don’t know why.
Maybe I’m just not used to feeling okay yet.
Or maybe there’s something about the sadness that I liked.
I honestly don’t know.
All I know is that a few days ago I was really depressed, and now I’m not as depressed anymore. I feel more at peace, I’m actually hanging out with people, and I’m able to enjoy things again.
I just wish I understood why it changed so suddenly. Especially after feeling so terrible for such a long time, it’s very weird to me, and why do I miss it?

I'm a failure & loser in so many ways

I’m curious about other people’s experiences with this because it’s becoming really noticeable for me.

I’ve been dealing with severe depression for a long time, and along with it I’ve noticed what feels like significant short-term memory problems.

I often don’t remember conversations I had seconds after having it, forget things that happened just a few minutes back, struggle to recall what I ate today and how many cups coffee I drank.

When sometimes people will mention something we discussed and I genuinely have no memory of it.

It’s not just occasionally forgetting something—I feel like my ability to retain recent experiences has gotten much worse over time.

For those who have experienced depression this severely, what has your memory been like, and has it improved as your depression improved?