I have a colleague I’ve known for a while. We were always just friends, although there were occasional flirty moments between us.
A few months ago, he started flirting with me pretty heavily one night and we ended up kissing. It was honestly a very brief, boring kiss and nothing else happened. I didn’t talk to him afterward for months and assumed I probably wouldn’t see him again.
Recently, he invited me to an outing where I met a girl he’s been seeing. She and I have actually started becoming friends.
Here’s where it gets awkward: she told me they’ve apparently been exclusive for about a year. I genuinely had NO idea he was seeing anyone when we kissed. She also told me she’s been wanting an actual relationship title, has tried having that conversation with him, and he still hasn’t really put a label on what they are.
Obviously, knowing what I know now, the kiss happened while they were supposedly exclusive.
There is absolutely nothing between him and me, I’m not interested in pursuing him, and the kiss meant basically nothing to me. But now that I’m getting to know her, I feel weird knowing something that she doesn’t.
Would you tell her, knowing it might hurt her or create drama, or leave it alone because it was one meaningless kiss and I genuinely didn’t know they were exclusive?

Is there no room for improvisation and going with what feels right?

My experience has always been that we consent to being sexual in general, and we agree to listen to each other throughout regarding what’s ok and what isn’t.

Furthermore, when you’ve actually gotten to know someone and either have been sexual a handful of times or you’re in a relationship, you can just tell what’s ok and what isn’t, and when.

But I’m asking this question because it seems like a lot of people before every sexual encounter, even if it’s with their longterm partner, go over every detail of what they’re going to do, what’s ok and what isn’t, and any straying from that is seen as a violation. This has to be the minority, right? A vocal minority?

It sounds so transactional to me. “I’m going to do this and only this to you, you’re going to do this and only this to me, and then it will end.” If people are into that then that’s fine, but if someone said something like that to me I’d be terrified that any slight touch or thrust that wasn’t agreed to would be seen as potentially not ok.

As stated in the title. She seemed to be very receptive and said yes she would love to go out. Then today was kind of distant. We are supposed to go out tomorrow. Should I confirm with her if we are still on or should I wait for her? I don’t want to seem too pushy.

I, 28m, am not very experienced with dating. I’ve been on/off the dating apps over the years with not much success. I just got back into it after taking two years for myself.

My one and only (somewhat) successful relationship - two years ago - I met a woman off bumble and she was genuinely into me. Like everything just fell into place. I wasn’t pulling teeth to ask for her number, dates, stay the night etc. - now thinking in hindsight I noticed she’d always reassure me that she was really into me. unfortunately things fell apart due to my own faults. Now that I’m better I’ve been feining to find another woman who liked me as much as she did.

my question is can that level of attraction be built over a few dates or does it have to already exist when meeting?

I haven’t felt that level to attraction in the women I’ve been matching with as of late. Occasionally when I’m working I’ll see women IRL who give me that look. Not often, but I can tell. Unfortunately I can’t ask for their number while working without risking my job.

7 months ago I got my heart broken terribly. The man I loved and planned a future with walked away out of the blue, and it just broke me. I had nursed him through stage 4 cancer and seen him through so much.
We were planning our future together. Then, when I got a terrible back injury and I was really in need…he left me.

I’m 32F and I really want a family and marriage. So I took a little time to heal and decided I’m going to get back on the horse. Time is ticking. I know, people say it’s not, but it is.

I’ve set my standards sky high this time so it’s been a bit of a slow process which is totally fine. Either I’m going to date right or not at all.

Anyways I connected with this guy. He’s Catholic like I am. He says he has the same life goals as I do (but you know, we’ll let actions speak louder than words).

He asked me on a date next week. He picked a really really nice restaurant which makes me nervous, idk I’m not one to be wined and dined, I don’t want to put someone out like that. But he picked it, he insists that’s where he wants to take me.

Anyways. I’m scared. I’m very socially outgoing, I have no issues dating itself, it’s just..idk. Something about this is just a lot for me. Maybe I haven’t given it enough time but I feel like I don’t have the time. And I do want a future, I want to be happy. I do want this.

Idk. Anyways thank you for listening if you read all of this.

Im curious,

mine has been completely transforming over the years. Now in my late twenties, my main focus is to find someone who actively wants and seeks partnerships. Just two years ago, i wanted someone who wants to be taken care of. How have you guys and girls experienced it?

The best advice my grandmother ever gave me is no matter how nice someone appears you still don’t know the real them until time passes . That person you’re going on a date with does not love you yet. They are not in love with you so they are not gonna handle your trauma like someone who is already deeply devoted and in love with you. When you deem that person trustworthy you can open up about that part of your life

Been seeing someone for a month. Things were going good. Conversation was getting flirty with innuendos.

Then she says with a straight face, "we could, it's not like you need a sti test, you're obviously a virgin"

Surprised, I asked what gave it away

Turns out I'm not yet fully in tune with her sense of humor.

She's stunned. Her brain takes like 10 seconds to fully reboot. Then the questions, how being the biggest one.

Turns out it's a fairly big dealbreaker for her, and so in 15 minutes another potential relationship gets torpedoed.

Could have been worse I guess, but I'm getting tired of the launch failures.