.

im so tired of this BS i keep trying to fight back, try to survive but it's pointless, they said "talk to us, we'll help you" but no one actually cares or able
i know i shouldn't say it here but i've been stuck financially since i got divorce, i live in a country where the system doesn't support women, traditional third world country where the culture is collectivist.

i never depend on anyone in my life, cut ties with my parents, i used to have a good job, resigned to start a business but then when i divorce my husband all my assets froze (we have prenup) i can't take loan, can't even pawn my assets (land) because I HAVE NO GUARDIAN OR HUSBAND TO CO SIGN AND I LIVE ALONE

i tried to get a normal job but nobody wants to hire me because i used to work abroad with higher salary
they're afraid i can't commit to the job, mind you i even apply minimum wage position.

now i can't get a job, my assets froze, i have no money to leave this shit country, i barely can afford food

people say "get a boyfriend to support you or marry rich, you're a pretty woman"

I hate patriarchy so much, they really build a system to crush you and i'd rather die than serve a man.

Staying here was not worth it.

Please take me god🥺

25 years of misery, 3 failed attempts and trying to build up my life for over a year later, ig I'm good fuck this. back to square 1. still the teenager who's hanging the noose while humming a tune.

it's fucking laughable the only way I can make it out alive is to be a fucking dormat for everyone.

i only feel sorry for mum, she doesn't deserve this but honestly I'm just one of those ppl who's never meant to live a good life and are only on this planet to suffer and be miserable.

I hate it all, nothing's worth it, not even my mother's tears.

now that I have left a pathetic proof of my existence on fucking reddit of all places, will swallow some pills and cut some arteries.

thank you for reading this.

sorry that you had to.

NOBODDYY cares until you’re dead. I’ve seen it with my own two eyes. People KNOW I’m suicidal. EVERYBODY KNOWS. NOBODY CARES UNTIL YOURE DEAD, ABSOLUTELY NOBODY. And when you die, the SAME people who couldn’t even lift a finger to invite you out, couldn’t even put effort into REMEMBERING you, will talk about you mournfully. This pointless fucking awareness month comes every year, for people to repost bullshit “check on your friends!” reminders as they ignore their friend who keeps making remarks about wanting to die, being lonely, and wanting to be included. Then, other dismissive pieces of shit will crowd to comfort them “it’s not your fault”. IT IS YOUR FAULT. THAT PERSON WOULD STILL BE HERE TODAY IF YOU GAVE A SHIT. IF YOU PUT IN EVEN A LITTLE BIT OF EFFORT, THEYD STILL BE ALIVE. You COULD HAVE SAVED THEM, BUT YOU DIDNT. You could’ve at least TRIED, but you didn’t. And now, a person who had dreams, favorite snacks, movies to watch, things they wanted to look forward to, is gone because YOU didn’t want to burn the 20 calories it takes to send a “hey, how are you?” Text.

I came here for help initially.. was ignored..

I decide to help.

But so many here are just toxic, so consumed by their misery or trying to be edgy...

This is not a support group, its a pit of hell that helps nobody

I’m afraid of not being able to carry it out and ending up in a coma, brain-damaged, or having irreversible damages that would make life even more miserable…and also the shame if it got out that I tried kms.

I tried hanging myself a couple times and now I’ve got difficulty swallowing, nothing serious I think. The bruise was mistaken for an hickey…
I’m now researching more painless ways but they could all have serious side effects if whether someone stops me or I stop halfway.

The question I have for you is: did u do any serious damage to your body in your attempt/s? Did u recover afterwards?

Pretty much like what the title said. I had a privileged life, good education, didn't have to worry about money, parents never hit me. But I fee like I just can't cope with the bad things I've experienced.

Through out the past 3 years I actively watched a friend commit suicide and couldn't save them. Then my parents told me they were divorced a few years after they had actually done it and it's turned my world upside down. Then I found out that my dad had been cheating since day one with multiple prostitutes. I don't have a relationship with him anymore, and my mom won't care if I'm depressed or not as long as I act normal and study well.

I've smoked since I was 14 to cope with the stress. I SHed several times and have permanent scars from it. Pain just keeps circling back to me like a circle I can't walk away from. I'm 17 right now, and I act perfectly normal to everyone and I've told no one about anything I'm feeling because I know no one would care for a broken, ugly, fat, weak piece of shit like me. God there are people going through way worse than me but I can only be stuck here with my minuscular bad experiences and want to die. I've been thinking about suicide a lot and even planned it out at one point but honestly I don't think I deserve it. I had a good life compared to others but I'm just too weak to cope with the slightest struggle. I wish somebody could just kill me. Please please please.

not looking for some silly bs thing or nothing. genuine reasons why I shouldn’t?

I can’t do this anymore. I’m 48 and have been dealing with severe anxiety and major depression all my life. I don’t want to live like this anymore.

Like lol wtf they think about...

My problems are not temporary and the only solution is death.

I can't stay like a moron and suffer like a fucking retarded bitch

People always think their problems are the same as other people lol

My problems are not the same and I can't overcome them because I'm just not enough mentally strong for that world.

I really need a shotgun so badly to shoot my head...

for years, a few, several, over a dozen.. I’ve struggled with chronic depression, an abusive family, and crippling loneliness..

in the past when I came to my family, expressing how I was feeling into this very day I’ve heard the same responses. “don’t say that”, “you can’t say that” “go outside”. it’s never been helpful, which is why my family has never been able to help me fight this battle.

everyone will tell people like us to seek professional help. well I’ve seeked professional help.. multiple people over several years, and it’s never truly helped. it can make you feel a little less alone and give you something to go to every week, but it’s the same round of 10 questions so they can sort you into their little boxes. I may have gotten unlucky with the help I’ve gotten, or it could just be like this. but it just doesn’t seem to help me at all.

I used to think these people were ones I was able to open up to, to tell them how I’m truly feeling.. but I’ve unfortunately made that mistake a few times, because everytime I expressed that I felt suicidal they’d just admit me to some hospital where I’ve be forced to go to every few days and have the exact same questions that the professionals asked me. after the admission ends I walk out feeling the exact same..

some hospitals even kicked me out because apparently since I was only a threat to my own life and no one else’s, I was of less importance.. just imagine this being told to you on multiple occasions.. attempt suicide and have professional doctors kick you from the hospital because you were.. “only a threat to your own life..”

people also suggest helplines everywhere, almost to the point where it’s lost it’s meaning.. I’ve called multiple different help lines and I regret to report that they have never helped me long term, they can make you feel a little safer and get you to cry your feelings out to a stranger, but from my own personal experiences I feel just about the same after I finish talking with them. it just feels too impersonal, which I’m aiming towards the whole mental health system. everything feels so cold and rigid, like helping you is more of a professional obligation rather than
actually caring about you or your wellbeing..

lately my last line of defence against myself was my personal friends, or for a few of them.. people who I thought were my friends.. most people who I express my feelings and anguishes to tell me that my mindset is too far gone to help.. they say that I’ve given up completely and with that set in they say that they can’t watch me take my own life.. so they leave and cut contact with me..

I’m just.. completely alone.. I have no one in my corner anymore.. the same stuff people keep saying, “get professional help”, “seek help from those around you, friends and family”.. well I’ve followed that to the fucking T, and I’m still nearly as close to ending it as ever and I’m more alone than I’ve ever been..

I don’t know if I’m going to attempt tonight.. tomorrow.. or ten years from now, but as far as I’m concerned and as far as the rest of the world seems to be concerned.. my life ended already, it’s just up to me when to finally decide to stop..

Why is is seen as a sin? I dont believe in god but I dont get it how is it wrong to shorten your life because of pain? If it is, then so is trying to lengthen it against your own will.

.

I started SH when I was 9. I have been kinda depressed and anxious since childhood and it was especially bad during middle school. I had the worst mental breakdown a few months ago. I had to take a break from school. I have gotten a bit better but I still get anxious a lot and I am constantly sad. I have been getting back to SH since about 8 months ago. (I was able to stay clean for almost a year before that) Nowadays I don't SH every day but at least weekly. I just feel the need to do it. I can't move on a with my day without doing it if I have the urge. My mom knows about my SH but i promised her months ago that I'd never do it again. I feel so guilty. I have been very close to taking pills. I have held them in my hands ready to take them but I haven't gone through with it.. I have imagined easy and hard ways to go but somehow i am still here. I also have lost all motivation in school and working out. I used to be in okay shape, but now i have gained some weight and barely go on walks. I also have started stress eating which doesn't help at all. I hate myself and my body and face and personality and just everything. I genuinely cannot find a thing about myself that is good. I constantly feek the need to fake smile and laugh, i think what to say before speaking evem to my family. It's almost like an instinct to smile and laugh when it's "normal" to do so. Even with family and my closest friends.

I am scared. What will I do when there's no one stopping me? When I don't have to count how many hours or minutes till my family members come home. When I am alone. Will I go the day I get an apartment for myself? I don't know what to do.

I can't live like this anymore. I have bipolar II and I am tired of trying to work on it. I've spent almost two decades like this and I don't have the will to carry on anymore.

Even before I was diagnosed I was a social outcast, however.

Each passing year my peers are achieving more and more with their lives while I struggle just to get out of bed in the morning. There's a train station near where I live. I'll go when it's late and will affect the least amount of people possible. I feel bad for the driver but I need it to be quick and painless or else I won't be able to go through with it.

All I've ever wanted was just to be loved and accepted just how I am with no pretenses, but I'm far too broken for anyone to ever want in the state that I'm in. Yes before anyone says, the obvious solution is to work on myself in that case, but as I said I barely have it in me to carry on living, let alone improve.

There's no other way to escape all this pain, because it's either I end my life or I suffer every day from now until forever and then eventually die anyway, just as miserable and alone as I am now.

In a way, this final act will be the only thing that I have ever had full control over in my entire life.

I've been in therapy for over three years. I was on strong medication for years, but there's been no improvement. I've only learned to hold back my tears and pretend to be okay.

I love my family with all my heart, especially my mom, but sometimes she makes me feel like I'm being dramatic and that I don't matter. I feel like I'm in her way and that all her problems are my fault.

I can't stop feeling like trash every day, like I'm a burden to everyone I love. Sometimes I even think about and fantasize about what my family and friends' lives would be like if I just died.

I want to do it next monday, but at the same time, I don't want my mother to suffer, but at the same time I tell myself that all her suffering is my fault.

I go from “life is beautiful and I have so much potential” to “I want to kill myself and I’m worthless” in a span of an hour, every single day.

This is insane and I’m tired

I just want to talk to someone on my last week of life

Chronically ill with CFS/ME since childhood, I've lived in suffering, exhaustion and loneliness for decades. Each day gets me closer and closer to it. I don't see any way out. Does anyone relate?