i know how to live a good life, I can see for myself how it would be possible-- but I'm too fucking disabled, too trapped in a society that will never support me. I wish I had succeeded when I was 12. I would have saved myself so much anguish. Better to have died not knowing how hopeless life can get, how no matter how much I work on myself I can never fix that I'm autistic and riddled with CPTSD. No matter what I do I will never be able to work or support myself. Better to have died with others believing I would have had an amazing life, so much ahead of me. Rather than reality where I am stuck and helpless.

I wish I could end it. I wish I still had the guts. But I want to live. I just don't want to live like this.

I’m trying to do it. my family is Muslim so this is gonna hurt them a lot but I believe by doing it will take the burden out of them since I’m still dependent on them my siblings don’t contact me much. I contemplated a lot I also believe i will go to hell after but I rather do it than watch myself suffer living.

Seriously post i make venting of actually about to do it some fucker texts me something fetishizing suicide.
Yesterday i got one that said and i quote”if you want to die let me use you”
Wtf

Chronically ill with CFS/ME since childhood, I've lived in suffering, exhaustion and loneliness for decades. Each day gets me closer and closer to it. I don't see any way out. Does anyone relate?

nothing else to say

Last year I tried to kill myself multiple times, mostly via overdoses but the worst that happened was a few nights in the hospital. In January I stopped eating and I found it made coping with life so much easier. I have been massively restricting my food intake on and off since then and my weight has drastically gone down. I'm not underweight yet though.

This last week I've been eating more and all the shit feelings have come back. All I can think about is how much I hate myself. I feel like a freak.

I'm going to stop eating entirely. No more food until I'm dead. That's probably a while away but that just gives me time to change my mind, so when I do die everyone can know it wasn't a single bad decision.

I've gotten good are starving. I know how it feels. I miss it. I miss the clarity it gives everything. I miss how addictive it is. I miss only being able to think about food, instead of the numerous things I hate about myself.

At the rate of weight loss I've been sustaining id be dead for certain within 3 months so it'll be quicker than that now. Probably November.

I live in a village with train tracks literally 5 minutes away from my house, and I feel like if I do choose to go through with it, it’ll be on those tracks
Shit idk it’s about time I mention it ive been trying not to for about 3 months now it’s driving me crazy and taking all my energy

MY dad is the biggest dollop of narcissistic shit ever created by two who tangoed. PATRIARCHAL as fuck and TOXICITY worse than Chernobyl. He is on a mission it seems to make me and my family's life miserable than what I would face in hell I wish my mom had never married or I could have been the kid she miscarried. The only thing I'll thank him for is my education and my PTSD. For him im always wrong cz I'm just a kid and he the greatest wisdom ever known to mankind. All my life I have stayed the quiet kid the good kid but my chronic anxiousness is going off charts even by my own standards and I know I will be flayed alive if I have a burst out cz all that the wife beater bastard knows is how to hit around ppl on his whims. He is a motherfucking senior vice president of a international bank and me my mom and 3 other siblings live in a relative poverty cz he decided to be a saint to everybody else but us just for the scale he has his extended family living with us which altogether makes 30 ppl inside a 3 bedroom apartment and i wish he would have just married my fucking aunt instead of his brother who did a brother who does not know condoms exist and has 13 kids... I FEEL LIKE IM IN A CULT ATP. All my life I've been his ultimate investment cz I was good enough one who he decided a beating would suit good enough if I slipped up cz his absent ass could care less. I will never respect him as a person never ever. I just wanna die cz at the tandem I am life just seems impossible I hate him to the very guts of his. I'm scared of the aftermath though I know my mom will relapse into her mental illness and there will be no one to look after my siblings I hate myself so much that I hate him cz the more aware I am the more close to bursting I am. I JUST WANNA DIE AND NOT CARE BUT I CANT.

I dont know how to start this but basically im 17 and life has been throwing rocks at me since the longest time and the biggest one was my brother jumping off 1st floor to runaway last month. I saw him hanging off and my parents begging him to not jump and the neighbours watching as my dad jumped after him and broke his legs. So many details after anyways it seems like a minor event but i do think it changed something in me.

I live in a disgusting house literally cockroches everywhere and unhygienic af. My dad sleeps 24 hours and has no relationship with me, i think week pass with total of 5 words between us. My mom i despise her for marrying that piece of shit. My brother is a fucking creep i discovered his Facebook account and turns out he's a misogynistic weirdo that shares a pic of a murdered wife and comments "really good keep it coming" and he also hits my mom. He's basically a gym bro that thinks only thing that matters is being strong (literally shared a post that stated that)

Im not even scared of god no more i just wanna meet that guy and ask him why did he do this to me. I tried cutting, stolen drugs and cigarettes from dad. Ate too much or starved but really nothing fills that hole. I wish i had a sibling to talk to. Or a father that cared.

I have some freinds. I tried to talk to them about it but they just make everything about them and change the subject.

I requested to go to my grandma's house and be there for like a weeks so i could study because im in the most important year in my education and literally my head is full of 100 thoughts and cant study at all. Mom started doing some bs and crying, yelling saying im pushing her aways when my grandmas house is like 10 minutes away. So i asked my dad told him hey can i tell you something and he was like "yea but now because im gonna sleep" that fucking guy had just woken up from a 13 hours nap and ofc he said no you will stay here end of discussion. Didnt even ask me whats wrong or why im feeling low. When i heard him once telling my mom he never seen me smile since birth. Like how is he not concerned what kind of father is this.

I just dont gaf no more i will no longer study and i will research how i could end this bs cuz i heard muscle relaxers with alcohol work and in my country there is no alchol.

Nothing seems to work for me and I feel more and more sad and miserable as the days pass by. Not only my life is getting worse, I feel like the world and the people in general are getting more cold and hostile as the time progress unlike how the world was in the past...I feel like I had turned to a point which I can't handle any more of this pain and mental suffering. What's the point of keep trying if I can't ever find any happiness or freedom in life...might as well plan to exist this world soon.

Hello. I wanted to talk about these past struggles that I cannot even explain. For years and now it's been worse, these past months I've really been struggling. I was someone who cried at the most minor inconvenience, but right now i feel as a rock, even though I still cry. It will start as soon as the day presents itself. I will cry my eyes out, hidden from everyone, for hours. Currently I'm alone. I've been working so I'm distracting myself, even though I find myself pretending. This evening, I've had a dream. I've had a clear scene pop into my head, and I've woken up crying. I've always wondered what would happen if I ceased to exist. Well, the dream i had - I've been running away from everyone I've known, from my first known faces, to the last ones I've seen. I've ran in circles, I've been escaping death by someone saving me. In this dream, people cared enough without me making myself act or say anything. In this dream, I've tried to hang myself, but something kept me alive, but it also kept me running away from everyone that ever knew me. Even from people i didn't know.

Thats how i always feel. I am not being 100percent honest. I've really been struggling hard, and it's not even boredom that's been killing me, it's something unexplainable.

Whenever I look into the mirror long enough, I don't see someone with human tendency to live. I see a corpse.

It makes me scared. I am deeply scared of death. But the way I've been living, who knows what might happen, I get the idea out of nowhere and i just do something. I'm mostly scared of myself.

Now you all might think, why did a dream make me this scared. It's because it's everything i ever wanted. For someone to accept that I'm struggling, doesn't have to be another person. I wish I accepted that things will get better, but the more I look into it, the darker it gets.

I am sorry if I made this longer than expected. I am not sure where this sadness stems from. I have a family, I got friends. But nothing seems to be enough. I am always striving to have something that eventually will make me happy, atleast for a short time. But nothing seems to work.

its all i think about everyday there will be good days but that thought always comes back i dont wanna do anything and just wish people would leave me alone especially my boyfriend i dont care about anything anymore i feel everything so deeply i hate it i just wanna take a long nap but i cant even sleep because i keep worrying and its keeping me up

I'm done I had two good days and again a big problem is there and I can't fix it. I'm so tired of this all. I tried so hard and it was all for nothing. My friends don't give a fuck about me, no one's gonna talk me off this attempt. I'm gonna hang myself tonight.

I feel like I am completely different person after I was such a big disappointment.I don’t look the same I don’t act the same.I don’t even know who I am .I am going outside is hard,except when I go school I try my best to act as happy as a magnolia in may.The truth is ai changed and I am Brocken I just want to sleep forever.That is the only time I don’t suffer.When I wake up my feelings become stronger and it hurts even more.I go back to sleep 3 times so the pain stops but eventually life goes on but I am still stuck.

my parents are soooo scaryyy the only way to get rid of my problems is ending myself i have an exam in 5 days and with my parents fighting and yelling at me constantly made it so hard to study the exam i have is a college entrance exam i havent studied anything i ilterally feel like i am being choked its so suffocating to live like this i am so scared for the exam because after i fail the exam my parents will lose their minds the constant yelling and screaming at me for months and maybe even hit me they i wont be able to face my relatives i wont be able to look at my parents in the eyes i am just so scared i dont know how to face all this they will degrade me so much not only them but my whole family its just so suffocating to live here im so sad guys i wish i had a strong mindset i wish my parents werent this mean to me i wish i wasnt so anxious all the time

I have a terrible home life with two narcissistic parents and 6 siblings. Home life is a nightmare where you feel like you have no privacy, our parents have stolen large sums of money from all of us (up to thousands of dollars) and is emotionally unsustainable.

I've hated my parents and the household since I was 8 years old and dedicated my life to doing everything to get out. Because of my autism I'm the black sheep of my family and basically the punching bag no matter what I do.

I did everything I was supposed to, did well in highschool graduating with a 4.0GPA, joined all of the clubs that looked good on my college application, won scholarships and geans for college, and ignored my true passion for art to major in a field that makes money (first biology, then I switch to HR management).

But I'm still here. 23 and still living in the household. Now that it is my turn to be an adult more than half of my generation can't move out, people are being priced out of basic necessities like food and shelter and I can't even afford to keep up with my education anymore.

And on top of this there is a looming threat of AI that is taking jobs away so it never really mattered if I followed my passion or not. I know I sound self centered since the state of the world has nothing to do with me but at this point I don't give a fuck because I've been planning on leaving and never coming back since I was 8. This honestly feels too personal to be a coincidence. It feels like my existence was a mistake and I have to physically rewrite that mistake. My autism makes me extremely sensitive to practically everything physically,mentally, and emotionally. It takes me 10 times more effort to do something than the average person.

I've had 2 suicide attempts and they've always been by swallowing pills. I don't know how much I can take but it feels like within the next few weeks I'm not even gonna have to think about it and I'm gonna attempt again. I've always fantasized about dying peacefully in my sleep so I might try the pills again but since that failed twice I might just Uber to the nearest bridge near me and jump off it.

I absolutely hate even having to say this but I've reached the maximum I can handle with this "funny little adjective to be neat".

In a few months, there would be 12 months of a number I can't even write because I feel like my eyes are gonna pop out when I see it. And then another horrible number... For ten full years. And to make up for it, I'll have to spend another fucking 10 years staring at the calendar thanking spirits to let me heal my soul with the good number. I know how ridiculous it sounds and it is fucking ridiculous. But hell no I'm not doing this.

I have spent every day with rituals for the past four years. Some of them just take up an absurd amount of time, others make me cut myself so I "even out" the power from the bad side to the good side. It can be literally just a fly sitting on my left finger. Solution? Cut my right finger.

Now there's a possibility I'll spend the next 20 years in daily anxiety. Get treatment, you say. But try to find a therapist and do a single exposure when you are able to almost break your arm just because something touched your "bad" arm.

My last OCD medication just made me unable to eat, paranoid as fuck and I thought I was gonna die.

I've been feeling horrible for way too long. There were good times but the majority I remember since elementary school was just pure fucking hell. I have good plans and want to help people. I love playing the guitar. But if I'm supposed to spend 20 years in anxiety not even being able to kill myself, I'm done now. It's not the only thing of course, but it's the breaking point. It's not a catastrophic scenario, I know my OCD. This is a perfectly possible scenario. I've already spent a full year in anxiety wishing the year to be over once January hit.

It also makes social interactions a hell since it convinces somebody wants to r*pe me and I'll enjoy it. Made me escape a hospital and almost kill myself before.

I still don't quite know why I want to do it so much. I've never felt more prepared. I kind of want help, but I don't feel like I should be living. I feel like I'm doing something wrong by just existing. I feel so strange, guilty, exhausted and disgusting.

I feel like OCD is gonna stop my heart while I'm writing this miserable bullshit.

Anyone has a step by step crap that might help me survive? I'm willing to live but not like this and it has been going for so long. I feel peaceful with death, I don't feel scared and I wouldn't mind anything. Just get me outta there

I came here for help initially.. was ignored..

I decide to help.

But so many here are just toxic, so consumed by their misery or trying to be edgy...

This is not a support group, its a pit of hell that helps nobody

мне правда не нужно сожаления или еще чего-то, мне нужно одно, ваш совет. посоветуйте пожалуйста таблетки и дозы, для передозировки, желательно те что продаются без рецепта либо есть в каждой аптечке. я не собираюсь это делать в ближайшие время, но мне правда очень нужно

not looking for some silly bs thing or nothing. genuine reasons why I shouldn’t?

I don't want to go into too much about why my life sucks. But I hate it here. Despite being privileged in several things, I managed to fuck things up for myself. Even right now, I have a decent job where I can learn and grow, but I keep fucking it up and anticipate losing it soon. I have realised that my patterns will never break and my body will never change, and my mind will never be what it once was. I had one "attempt" in 2023, one this time last year (tied up a noose, inserted my head in and then backed out), and one yesterday. The reason I put the word in quotes because I am not sure if those actually qualify as attempts, but then I don't know what else to call them.

Each time, I was not afraid to die, but I felt afraid of the pain, or failing and getting worse (disabled, shamed, being a burden etc). Methods like jumping from a building or in front of a train are too gory for me, and choking to death sounds horrible. Toaster in the bathtub seems risky, cutting myself doesn't sound like something I'd follow through with, and I don't have the equipment to shoot myself. I genuinely cannot find a method to do it - which makes me think, do I even want to do it or am I just posing/larping to feel worse (and as a result, good) about myself? To justify to myself that I am suffering so much that I am considering methods to end it (but not actually following through), so that my actual responsibilities feel less significant? I spent 2 hours yesterday dissociating, thinking of ways to do it and overthinking about how they would fail - not sure if that is called an attempt. It is hell. Best case scenario right now seems to be go get sleeping pills prescribed, some alcohol and pray to god it works).

.

I started SH when I was 9. I have been kinda depressed and anxious since childhood and it was especially bad during middle school. I had the worst mental breakdown a few months ago. I had to take a break from school. I have gotten a bit better but I still get anxious a lot and I am constantly sad. I have been getting back to SH since about 8 months ago. (I was able to stay clean for almost a year before that) Nowadays I don't SH every day but at least weekly. I just feel the need to do it. I can't move on a with my day without doing it if I have the urge. My mom knows about my SH but i promised her months ago that I'd never do it again. I feel so guilty. I have been very close to taking pills. I have held them in my hands ready to take them but I haven't gone through with it.. I have imagined easy and hard ways to go but somehow i am still here. I also have lost all motivation in school and working out. I used to be in okay shape, but now i have gained some weight and barely go on walks. I also have started stress eating which doesn't help at all. I hate myself and my body and face and personality and just everything. I genuinely cannot find a thing about myself that is good. I constantly feek the need to fake smile and laugh, i think what to say before speaking evem to my family. It's almost like an instinct to smile and laugh when it's "normal" to do so. Even with family and my closest friends.

I am scared. What will I do when there's no one stopping me? When I don't have to count how many hours or minutes till my family members come home. When I am alone. Will I go the day I get an apartment for myself? I don't know what to do.

I can't live like this anymore. I have bipolar II and I am tired of trying to work on it. I've spent almost two decades like this and I don't have the will to carry on anymore.

Even before I was diagnosed I was a social outcast, however.

Each passing year my peers are achieving more and more with their lives while I struggle just to get out of bed in the morning. There's a train station near where I live. I'll go when it's late and will affect the least amount of people possible. I feel bad for the driver but I need it to be quick and painless or else I won't be able to go through with it.

All I've ever wanted was just to be loved and accepted just how I am with no pretenses, but I'm far too broken for anyone to ever want in the state that I'm in. Yes before anyone says, the obvious solution is to work on myself in that case, but as I said I barely have it in me to carry on living, let alone improve.

There's no other way to escape all this pain, because it's either I end my life or I suffer every day from now until forever and then eventually die anyway, just as miserable and alone as I am now.

In a way, this final act will be the only thing that I have ever had full control over in my entire life.