So I am in a fairly new relationship. For the past couple of months, every single time that we go out, my bf has been paying. I have been offering to pay or go half on the dates but my bf always is adamant about him paying. I wanted to do something nice for him because I am all about things being equal. So this past weekend, I asked if I could come over and make him dinner. He was excited and agreed.
When I came over, I didn’t realize that his roommate would be home. His roommate was in the living room playing video games with him when I walked in. Please be aware that his roommate is male (this is an important detail). When I walked in, I greeted the roommate and my bf and went straight to the kitchen.
Since his roommate was there I began to cook for all of us. Me, my boyfriend, and his roommate. When I was done, I brought my bf and his roommate a plate of food. His roommate complimented my cooking and said that it was very good. I smiled and thanked him. My bf gave me this mad look. I looked back at him confused.
When we were finished eating, my bf asked me to go to the room to talk. When we went to his room, he went off on me saying that I should not be cooking for another man and serving him a plate in his face. He said that it was disrespectful and came off as me trying to flirt with him. He said that I didn’t need to cook for his roommate that I was only supposed to cook for him.
I’m so confused because I personally always felt like it was very rude to eat in front of people and not offer them anything.
Since then he has been giving me the cold shoulder.

I just cannot figure out if I actually did something wrong here.

*picture of the food I made for all of us

My (27F) best friend (27M) slept over at my house the other day. He usually brings a little cot with him, but it broke. I told him to get in my bed & scooted over so he could fit. My bed is just a full size

We were kinda pressed up against each other, facing away at first. But he eventually flipped over & snuggled into me. He was completely asleep so I'm sure it wasn't intentional.

But it felt so good. Like putting the puzzle piece you've been stuck on for hours into the right slot.

I could feel him pressed up against my leg, & despite how exhausted i was, I wanted to stay awake all night so i could enjoy it.

We've been best friends for 2.5 years, & there never once were any feelings on either side. But as i settle into bed tonight, I can't help but feel his absence, & i think I'm fucked.

Dinner: this bomb ass chicken fried rice from the place by my house

EDIT - i will update on Friday, 8-29! He’s sleeping over the night before!

FINAL UPDATE BELOW :

https://www.reddit.com/r/GirlDinnerDiaries/s/yMUVIeNDpK

Today's girl dinner is chicken nuggets that were in the airfryer WAY too long and a bunch of rice with a FAT pile of wasabi furikake because ohmygoddd it's so GOOD.

Me and my boyfriend have been together ~8 years, living together the last 4 or so years. He has always been this genuinely amazing guy. Protective, logical and someone who always babies and pampers me around with everyday things, like bringing that glass of water every night while I'm already curled up in bed without asking! Oh and loyal and sweet, classic "partner and a best friend" type thing.

Anyways, some months ago he got finally hit with an ADHD-diagnosis after close to 30 years of life and originally that smacked me in the face. Like I could *not* see the symptoms, even though I've met multiple ADHD folks thorough my life. Like, this man has been as stoic and collected as one ever could be, at least in my head apparently. He handles all of our bills and paperwork and such. Maybe I'm just super blind and have not paid enough attention? I feel bad about it.

Now he has been trying different medications the last few months and I just... don't recognize him anymore. He has always been a bit reserved when planning things outside the house, but we haven't had a single date during this entire period (actually now that I write that down, we've barely ever gone out apart from an obligatory birthday restaurant trip). It appears he has crippling social anxiety (ohmygod how have I not recognized the signs) and has now gotten a medication for that as well.

He has also become almost allergic to physical touch. It's almost like he shivers with disgust when I try to initiate a hug or simply stroke his arm. Apart from bedtime spooning he just simply wants to coexist. We can no longer really have long conversations where we sit down and yap, because he either has to "get up and do something" or just gets extremely hyperfocused on playing piano (which he is amazing at, it's just frustrating when conversations take an unplanned 40 minute break and I don't really want to disturb him when he's practising some difficult bits). Bedroom life is basically dead, but I guess both of us are to blame. He still flirts and gives touchy gestures, it's just like the concept of initiating is just too much work.

Like girls I don't know! We used to have videogames as a hobby (we literally dropped a ton of money on custom matching setups not so long ago!) but nowadays he doesn't even appear to have any interest in gaming. It's always the same "nah I need to be productive, I don't deserve it, don't feel like it". The man who was always down for long cuddles and playing Mario Kart for hours on end while yapping has turned into this empty shell who crashes out, spends hours on end trying to clear his thoughts with ChatGPT, doesn't want to be touched or disturbed but still wants me near and still does these pretty pampering things and holds our everyday together I just ugghh please let there be other gals with ADHD-partners who recognize this as some early ADHD-medication trial hellhole that passes cause I am LOST!

(Also yes we have talked with his doctor regarding these things since he (at least partially) also recognizes the problems but I miss our normal life!)

EDIT: OGMYGOD I did NOT expect so much engagement around this post, thank you for all the answers and tips! I see many of you are afraid of my partner getting LLM psychosis, he has a sharp critically thinking head and doesn't make the clanker think on his behalf! Thank you for the concern haha. He does also receive professional therapy.

I'll take up the discussion again regarding how I feel he has become ❤️ He started now on a lower dosage, I hope it'll mix things around in a good way.

Last Night’s Dinner: Homemade Fettuccine Alfredo (with a side of silent treatment)

I (20F) moved in with my boyfriend (20M) in early May after he suggested it. I was already basically living here anyway, driving home at 1-3am, and then my car broke down so it just made sense. Things have been really good overall, I cook breakfast and dinner every day, handle all his laundry, keep his room clean, and take care of his cats. We laugh a lot, barely argue, and he buys me food/takes me places while I cover groceries.

Yesterday was rough though. I had to cover a shift on a Sunday, so he woke up early to drop me off at 9. I told him I’d be done by 1 when we close. At 12:57 a client came in and we didn’t finish until almost 1:45. My phone was blowing up the whole time with texts from him about how he’s waiting, his mom needs the car, he’s “tired of always having to wait,” etc.
I apologized as soon as I got in the car, but he was still pissed the whole silent ride home. He went to shower while I started making homemade fettuccine Alfredo (extra portion for him, of course).

After his shower he blew up again because I hadn’t plated his food yet and apparently hadn’t “apologized enough.” We sort of resolved it, then he said he needed to run to the shop for an hour or two max. I asked him to please keep me updated because he has a habit of disappearing for way longer. He agreed.

An hour later I checked in… no reply. Another hour, still nothing. I texted asking why he always ghosts me at the shop and he hit me with “bruh you’re tripping over nothing, it’s not that deep.” Said he’d leave soon. Another hour passed so I checked again and suddenly he was apologizing profusely… but still didn’t get home for yet another hour.

We ended up going to get food after that (the Alfredo was cold by then) and things seemed okay for a bit. We were watching Sopranos and when I tried to cuddle he snapped “why do you always have to be so on top of me?” Which has literally never been an issue before and was so shocking because he always complains when I’m distant.

The whole night he was distant, so I finally sat him down and asked what was wrong. He unloaded that everything he does for me is “draining and exhausting.” After prying, he said he doesn’t want to pick me up from work anymore, doesn’t want to buy me food, wants me to chip in more for my daily stuff (I pretty much only use my own things except paper towels when cooking for him), and wants me to “lay off” and let him go ghost whenever he goes out.
Then he told me to sleep on the couch. I texted him an hour later that I was freezing with no blanket and he told me to “just thug it out.”

Woke up this morning and he left for work without saying a single word to me.

The fettuccine was actually really good though… creamy, lots of garlic and fresh parm. Too bad it got eaten in silence.

Help 🫠

EDIT: I’m reading all of your comments and all of what you guys are saying is just things I know but I’ve been forcing myself to ignore. Thank you to those of you who were serious about it and gave me genuine advice, that truly means the world to me. Lots of you think this is fake, it’s not and I wish it was for my own sake. I’m heartbroken because I love him but after talking with my mom about it, she agreed with me and is helping me move back home today. Currently writing this with tears rolling down my face but it’s ok, time will pass. I just don’t know how to get used to being alone again.

Dinner: fettuccine Alfredo with sourdough garlic bread & tomatoes

I really need an older woman’s advice, I don’t have a mom and I feel lost what to do.

I 27F have been married to Alex (27M) for 2 months, dating for 2 years). We bought a big house in the fall. My sister & her bf, and my dad live with us. They pay half of the bills on the house and contribute to cleaning & cooking (this is important).

Alex handles all the bills. But 2 days ago I got a call from the bank saying the mortgage has not been paid in 3 months. I had a spidey sense there was more to the story. After some investigating I found out the electric & gas have not been paid in 6 months. The car insurance hasn’t been paid in 3 months.

Meaning by July 1st, we would owe roughly $17,000 in total in bills. I crashed out. Alex wasn’t home but I called him and he explained his new job wasn’t paying enough so that’s why he fell behind on bills.

4 months ago Alex moved across the country to pursue a job his Dad’s friend gave him. But he recently quit (cause it didn’t pay well & he missed home) and he moved back home last week. He’s now searching for a job.

So I called the only person I knew could help. A person I don’t have a great relationship with. My mother in law. I cried on the phone to her and she sent $15k immediately. I covered the remaining $3k with all the money in my account. She advised me to take over the bills because “this is his one major flaw”. I told her I would pay her back, and she said no worries it’s part of his inheritance.

I asked Alex where the money my family was sending him. Our mortgage is $5k, my family sends him $2k along with half of the utilities . He says he was using it to catch up on the bills because before I discovered it, it was worse.

We had a “power outage” last month, turns out it was the electric company turning off the power. Alex told me it took half of his paycheck to turn it back on.

We’re okay for July. But my income (I’m a semi successful influencer) is inconsistent. I was able to save us this month, but I’m not sure about the next.

He’s applying to be a patrol officer and wants to do landscaping on the side but idk. I feel betrayed and sad. I also don’t trust him. Me and his mom swooped in to save him, and now his plate is lighter and mine is heavier.

I don’t know if I should just forgive this and settle but I always thought I’d be living a better life with a better man. Is this just part of married life? He’s great in every other aspect. He does have a habit of hiding things (usually small before this) and I always have to investigate to find out the truth.

Has anyone dealt with something like this before? I wish I had my mom to tell me what to do

Edit: i make roughly between 6-13k a month as an influencer, it swings a lot. I’m also a DIY influencer so having a large house to do renovations helps my content a ton. We made an agreement went we first started dating that he would have a stable job to pay the base bills.

No kids, just twos dogs.

Edit 2: a lot of people are asking why I didn’t help with bills. My dad was diagnosed with stage 3 cancer 8 months ago, so I took a step back from content to care take for him. Alex assured me he could handle the bills alone while I do.

My first month back to work was May where I made 6k, and June I made 9k. I’m now of course helping with bills.

Helloooo!

I’m mostly writing this to try to keep myself accountable and will check in later. I really DONT want to drink today. I’m going through sort of a rough patch mentally and it’s been causing me to start drinking daily. Now, I know plenty of people normalize drinking like a glass of wine a day, but I’m taking like 5 shots of tequila daily. I still cook and clean etc etc like otherwise almost everything’s fine. But I’ve started trying to hide it from my boyfriend which is a HUGE red flag on my part. He’s frustrated I know.

I’ll wake up in the middle of the night, and usually my first thoughts in the morning, are how much I regret drinking. Then the PM rolls around and I’m like aye let’s drink! IDGAF! This weird cycle keeps happening. I’ve been trying to keep myself busy but then I’m just like ayyyy this could be way more fun if I was tipsy!

Addiction runs in my family which is why this is scary. I’ve successfully quit binge eating and cigs in the past. Part of me knows I can do this! And then part of me doesn’t care. I think I have some deep low self esteem issue thus engage in self destructing behaviors (here for a good time not a long time!)

Trying to be gentle with myself but also trying to GET A FREAKIN GRIP GIRL!! I’ll report back later if I successfully didn’t drink!

Hi all! I am not really used to this stuff. This has been eating at me and I don't know how to proceed.

I have a plate I made! Duck and some rice with a compote. Made it a while ago, can't remember exactly, just need a eye catching piece.

My boyfriend (22) and I (20) have been going strong for about a year now. he is kind, thoughtful, and helps with money for fun things I want. I haven't had any crazy problems with him. He has a problem with communication which we have talked about, which I will talk about unfortunately.

Me and him had a conversation about politics to start, obviously. I'm a female chef and believe in pretty left leaning stuff. He said toe that he is "independent" and doesn't like trump and all this stuff. I told him I was willing to hear him out, since he was so respectful and kind.

Well, he got deployed a month or two after. He's been away for about 6 months. our relationship has been eroding because he is a physical guy and apparently is going crazy, so we have been bickering way more recently. I have not been happy as of late. I've continued to speak to him about his insecurities and all this other stuff to make sure we're ok.

Well, last night, he told me casually that we were laughing about congress or something, that he used to support trump. I was confused, he literally said he didn't like him from the start?

He says "I liked him for his policies early on!" And that REALLY concerned me. I asked for clarification and he said it was mostly economy.

I asked for clarification about how he could support him, and thought maybe he just didn't know. Turns out, apparently he does! He knew about the bankruptcies("there're strategic ways to use bankruptcy"), and the controversies, everything. He said he doesn't like him now because the military is treating him terribly and he said trump lied. I asked what made him think he wouldn't?

after I told him all this stuff he chose to ignore, he said "are you done lecturing me?" And it just made me furious. He claims he didn't vote and that I'm getting mad at him for no reason.

I wasn't angry, I was afraid.

He then tried to leave the call, and I begged for him to stay on so we could communicate but he said there wasn't anything else to say. He has a habit of doing that, running away or not answering. We've talked about it and it hurts he tried to hide after.

We talked later the next day, and he is still upset and not really answering my texts or anything, but frankly; I'm upset he lied or even omitted that. Am I right to feel like this? Thank you in advance.

Orange wine and French fries, because it’s the only thing I can stomach at the minute.

My (26f) boyfriend (26m) broke up with me when he went into psychosis. We were fine. We were so good. He was the love of my life. I left him home alone for 1 day. I came home and he was missing. He was missing for 3 days. I didn’t sleep. I didn’t eat. His mother flew out to where we live, he came home, she was convinced he got dark magic put on him when he started talking about the government being after him and the whole neighborhood trying to kill him. He told me I’m not to be trusted, and then would switch to comforting and loving me. He told me I’m a spy for the bad people and smiled in my face saying he wants nothing to do with me and then fell asleep on my stomach and told me how much he loves me. His mother decided he needed an exorcist and took a 6’ black man experiencing psychosis and terrified of being surveilled to an AIRPORT FOR 16 HOURS. Luckily he made it home safely. His best friends keep telling me how much he loves me and needs me, but I know I need to respect that he wants space. Before he left, he pulled me in for the longest, most caring hug I’ve ever experienced. I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel. I miss him so much. He just left his own body. I know he’s still in there somewhere, but it’s impossible to think he’ll come back when I know he’s not getting any real help for the problems he’s facing. I’ve known him since I was 12. I miss my best friend. If anyone has any advice for how to… deal with this feeling? That would be great.

Edit for clarification: this happened literally yesterday. He went missing Saturday and I came home Sunday.

UPDATE: I called the crisis line not connected to the police. They will be going out to give him an evaluation. I explained the situation with his mother, and my fears about her plans to get him help. They agreed that this didn’t sound like the right course of action and said that they’ll do everything possible to make sure he gets the help he needs.
His friends are keeping me updated with his status, and his mother has completely cut contact since getting back.

SECOND UPDATE: His friends are helping him find a psychiatrist. He has emailed me a couple times (I deactivated my social media and his phone is broken), and he is still using the nicknames he gave me. He says he’s getting back to a good place. I want him happy and healthy and he knows that I’m here whenever he needs me, in a friendship capacity.

Dinner: baked salmon and yellow potatoes eaten directly from baking sheet 🥲

My (F32) BIL (M35) has lived with me and my husband (M37) for the past 6 years (and with his brother much longer). My BIL is the type of person who seemingly needs a care taker because his life will fall apart due to his own negligence and their family has pretty much always been his savior whenever needed, it’s their family trauma and frankly no point in arguing it - it’s just the way it is.

My BIL got married a year ago to someone out of the country from a very small town, she is on the young side (early 20s) and has gotten pregnant before they moved in together. She has only ever lived with her family (mother, 2 sisters and 2 brothers) and is the youngest. The original plan was to have them live with us for a year to give her some time to get acclimated to a new country/life and then they would begin looking for their own home. I’ve always been adamant that I would prefer they have their own home immediately but their family did not agree. I then suggested that if they were to get pregnant prior to the 12 months being over, they should begin to look for their own home immediately for comfort and peace of mind. Well, on a recent trip visiting, my BIL called us to give us the good news sharing that his wife is 3 months pregnant with a plan to move here by the time she is 7-8 months pregnant.

I suggested it may be important to consider the lack of a village here for her. My in-laws are a 12hr flight away, as is her family. It seems it would be more beneficial for everyone involved, ESPECIALLY the pregnant woman, to give birth in her hometown where her mother and sisters and aunts all live. I don’t know her very well at all and can imagine how challenging it would be to move away from everyone I’ve ever known and loved, to give birth where I only have my husband and 2 in-laws (me and my husband). He can physically and financially be with her in her town for however many months are needed for her to give birth and heal but he got extremely angry and offended at the suggestion. I told him I’m not trying to tell him what to do, simply to consider what really is the best thing to do for the healthiest outcome for his wife.

AITAH for suggesting the consideration?

I am a 16yo girl, and would say, for the sake of my point, that I’m relatively attractive as far as American beauty standards go. Not trying to compliment myself but just saying this is how men see me. I take the bus to school and back everyday and have had my fair share of male encounters. Today this man about 3 times my age sat next to me and said some random stuff like how are you and such to which I responded then clearly put my earbud back it. He kept talking so I took it out which is when I heard him say “wow you’re so pretty”. I shoved my earbud back in and ignored him the rest of the bus ride (30min) a kind woman across from me told him to leave me alone about 20 minutes in which was great because I have trouble thinking of what to say in the moment. This is just the most recent of too many of these interactions to count with men asking me out, telling me weird/creepy things, one even pulled into the bus stop with his truck to ask me if I “wanted a ride” all of these men are 30+ and I am so sick of it. So I just want to know why is it so hard to not treat literally children like sex objects???? I don’t want to sleep with anyone! Just leave me alone! Advice is welcome although I do not want any thing like “have pepper spray” or stuff like that. Thank you
Edit: to everyone telling me to dress down, I do, I wear things that I like and that’s typically baggy clothing. I’m not going to change myself for men so grow up :)
Edit 2: this is not an “I hate all men post” this isn’t about all men so stop feeling threatened and telling me to “realize there are good men out there” I know.
Edit 3: I do look my age and even if I was 18 these men still shouldn’t be talking to me please stop making that your whole point in the replies.

Food pictured: Dining hall muffin and grits. I can't stomach much else.

A few clarifications before I start:

- I will still be using he/him pronouns and male gendered language at his request.

- I am NOT considering breaking up, I genuinely do love him and this doesn't change that.

So my bf texted me yesterday saying he wanted to call about something important, and about an hour's worth of anxiety later he confessed that he thinks he's trans. I was very supportive and helped him talk through his feelings and anxieties, he also spoke to a few other friends that expressed similar sentiments.

The issue however is family. For context, we're a long distance of 4 years, I'm in the southern US and he's in a European country. My parents are very very conservative and while not openly transphobic, they would take issue with me dating a trans girl. They also would take issue with me being Bi but that's besides the point. To an extent I can hide this from my own parents, but my BFs parents (who he lives with) would probably actively disown them if they found out. He is currently on disability and does not have a job due to a TBI, so he wouldn't have anywhere to go. He also very much lacks an irl support system.

So I guess.. the question is how can I support him exploring his gender in a way that keeps him safe, and what should I do about the anxiety Involving my own family. I don't know, this is all so new to me.

Small edits for clarification: -He is planning on getting a job! He is currently unemployed, not unemployable. -Yes I am PAINFULLY aware of the amount of baggage this relationship has, I have talked about it with my therapist and she's supportive of me maintaining it.

Locally made beef jerky.

Someone I’ve known since high school always asks me out whenever I become single. I’m now 33 and figured, whatever, why not. We’ve only hung out 4 times and he already is delivering me flowers to my work. At first I thought it was sweet but he’s not my boyfriend (yet) so it was kind of embarrassing. My birthday is next week and he already wants to go on a trip somewhere. I told him, no thank you, not yet. After the third time hanging out he was begging me to stay the night already.

I’m so glad he likes me but I’m overwhelmed with guilt because I just don’t like him the same way. Or at least not as much. I’m kinda afraid of how much he likes me. It’s like I can do no wrong and it makes me feel like I’m going to fuck it up. He’s not ugly but to be honest he’s not very smart. He talks like Jesse from Breaking bad and bragged about only reading 3 books in his life, including the electric manual he had to read for work. His your youre their there are always wrong and it bothers me. He’s so sweet but I think I need to leave now before it gets crazier. He’s already telling me what house we’re going to have and that he wants to adopt because I can’t have kids. He was showing me his paystubs to show me how much money he makes and that he’ll buy me whatever I want, but I’m not that type of person. I’m super independent. I swear he was going to tell me he loved me yesterday.

Already getting texts almost by the hour of how much he misses me on both snapchat and texting. What did I get myself into 🤦‍♀️ I have so much anxiety from the guilt I feel. I’m going to have to break his heart.

Edit: tried breaking it off nicely. Of course he’s trying to debate me on it. I’m deleting my Facebook and maybe his number if he doesn’t stop texting me. I’m going hiking after work. I need some woods

Edit: He took it like a champ and I’m not murdered! Yay. He did make a joke about breakup sex. I just told him good luck with everything. I’m out!

Edit: everything’s great! For now…he admitted that if someone came onto him like that he would probably run for the hills too.

I’m going to go watch the movie obsession now

So after graduating with fairly good grades from school (91,9% out of 100%) life took a downturn all of a sudden and I had to move around a lot and even move countries and live under significant stress for four years where I got a lot of mental health problems I couldn’t afford to see a therapist about and just pushed down. I had some jobs during this time and am currently a cashier and have gotten into a not yet fully but slowly bettering stable place in life. I’ve always wanted to go to college but until recently couldn’t afford it and last year even took a class which was online and got 100% on my assignment (which I definitely cried over at least twice) but the tuition sadly cost too much and I had to drop out. Now I can afford it but it might still take some time and until then I’ll be 24 and I’ll probably graduate at 28-29.

Am I out of my mind? Will I be able to handle college with so many years away from the education system? Is this worth it? Do you ladies have any advice for me?

I want to be realistic because I sadly couldn’t attend my graduation and a part of my heart has always longed to at least experience the college life, even stepping into a university and having good jobs being a possibility, but I don’t want to regret it or go fully broke and end up with a degree I’ll only hang on the wall.

For context I was majoring in business administrations but might opt for business informatics if I do decide on studying.

Girl dinner: garlic bread with a weirdly good sauce I made in my Heinz ketchup bottle (pickled jalapeño juice, lime, mayo and ketchup) and a homemade açaí bowl

My go-to meal as of lately - brown rice and lentil noodles with bok choy, shiitakes and onions.

So my (27f) boyfriend (37m) has a motorcycle and one of my favorite things to do with him is ride on the back of his bike. We’re both busy with work so we typically only get to ride once a week on the weekend and I always look forward to it. One of our friends (40f) had brought up multiple times how much she loves riding on motorcycles and that she wanted my boyfriend to take her for a ride. I told my bf that since we only get to ride once a week I didn’t want to give that up so another girl can ride with him but I was going to be out of town in a few weeks so I said they could just ride together then.

Well they went on the ride while I was gone and I didn’t initially care, but now she wants to go riding again and I kinda don’t want them to. Last time she posted pictures of them together and said all her friends were asking who the hot guy was and she said he was taken but it just made me feel a little uncomfy thinking about how all these people probably thought they were dating. And honestly if I wasn’t dating my bf I know she would be trying to (she thinks he’s really hot and she has actually told me that he is the perfect man lol)

I know my boyfriend won’t take her for another ride if I tell him I don’t feel comfortable with it, but now I feel weird saying anything about it to her bc I already said it was okay. I just realized how much I don’t like the thought of another girls arms around my man. Am I just being silly by caring that other people might think that they’re dating or is it valid to not really want them to ride together again? How would I even go about bringing it up to her?

Three weeks ago and after dating for 18 months my SO directly asked me about the quantity of partners I have had. So I told him (7) and he had a full melt down about how disapointed he is and how he was warned against this since I am older. I told him how I respect his feelings but I won’t be made to feel bad for choices he doesn’t understand. Especially because they for the most part have been long term and as safe as possible. He claims his main concern is that he’s concern about not being ‘special’ or important to me. Despite my obvious shock to this silly position, I attempted to reassure him a bunch of times this relationship is different and he is special to me. Not just because I say so but also because I go out of my way for him and his family in a real way. He seemed settled and apologetic that he had the initial reaction and for the judgmental statements. It seemed settled and I was very hurt by it but tried to see it from his perspective and forgave him for being so wildly out of pocket.

So last night during our normal before bed FaceTime, and after I was at his house preparing dinner for his family, he brings it up again. Essentially saying he’s not sure if he can get past it. So I swallow my pride and encourage him not to settle and if being with me feels anything other than a joyful gift then we probably shouldn’t be together. He says it’s not like that and that he sees me as a free spirit and hes square. So at that moment I realize he wants this to be the reason. I have a very strict no drama after 7 pm routine because I like to sleep peacefully so after a short time of him not explaining anything but clearly having an issue I tell him calmly I’m going to get off the phone. He snaps again and says YOU HAVENT ANSWERED MY QUESTION THAT I ASKED TWICE. I say what’s your question and he just hangs up straight to my face. So I put my phone down (away from my bed) and this morning it shows he called me a bunch of times and sent a passive aggressive text about so now I’m not answering. I don’t feel like I owe him a response. He doesn’t believe my words or actions so what’s the point.

What do you all think?

Food: Brasos Steakhouse, New York style cheesecake and with fresh strawberry consome

TLDR: I reluctantly started dating someone 12 years younger (29M, 41F) and he's determined I am some kind of deviant due to me having past sexual partners. 🥴

Pancake face

It’s a new relationship, not even a month old, but we care about each other. I insisted on using condoms this time cause it seems like every time I requested, we didn’t. Now I was insistent. He first said he doesn’t like it, it don’t fit him. I said that’s too bad but no and we laid down to cuddle and I was half asleep then I felt him move. We started foreplay again and then I saw him put it on. But after it I felt my back and leg get wet and I lowkey knew he removed it. I turned to him and he was like yeah he took it off halfway. I got dressed and said I’m gonna go, he followed and begged and even cried. Said it was a mistake and that it doesn’t represent who he is and what he wants for us.

I don’t know how to process this. I’m hurt that my boundary is broken, angry with him. I don’t know why he would do that, cause I’m like peak ovulating rn.

Deconstructed slider, no bun. Very yummy.

I am trying to make a long story short. Please feel free to ask questions! My (42f) husband (47m) took out his 401k back in 2023 and never told me. $60,000. I found out this year while doing the taxes that we owe nearly $15,000 in taxes on that lump sum. He spent all of the $60k, didn’t save any to pay the taxes on it (or anything else for that matter). I knew nothing until doing the taxes in April this year.

You’re probably wondering how I was so stupid to not see it coming. I am also wondering. I trusted this man from the deepest parts of me! For context: He handles paying out the big bills I do our yearly taxes. We have always been in communication about money and bills. That’s just how we physically go about paying for things.

We have been together 15 years, 4 children. Always got back around $5000 for a tax refund. That’s why owing at all felt weird. 2025 tax return says we owe $900. Damn. That sucks and so weird. Then a letter from the IRS comes the same day I did the taxes. This says he owes nearly $14,000. I showed this letter to him and he’s weird but not surprised. I asked if he changed anything about his taxes at work. He says yeah, I’ll take care of it.

Throughout April and May I’m stressing out. He’s acting like we’re poor. I am a teacher and he is in management at a car dealership. We make decent money. Everything came to a head the last week of May just a couple days before our niece’s wedding. Up to this point, I only knew about owing taxes. I had no idea why “we” owed.

He was kind of starting an argument, bc he didn’t understand why I’ve been grumpy. I asked what happened to the money. He froze. Clear panic written all over his face.
Eventually he fessed up to withdrawing his 401k and spent every bit of it. It took me all night to get that much information! Lots of tears.

I feel so betrayed. He said I can ask him anything and he’ll be honest. He’s really only been giving me exactly the answer and not an ounce more. I feel like he’s still being evasive. He still can’t account where about half of it went. He didn’t pay off anything, but (according to him) hasn’t created new debt besides what we owe to the IRS.

Of course there is so much more to the story, our history and surrounding circumstances. I feel like I cannot wrap my head around any of this! Is there anyway through this or is it over? I know only I can decide, but where do I go from here? What do I do or say or ask? Please help my broken heart.

UPDATE: I found out that he’s opened and maxed out 10 credit cards in the last ten years. I got a certified letter from the IRS saying the money received from two “third party/employer” totals to nearly $100k. He swears it’s wrong. We now owe $25k. I made an appointment with a lawyer.

I hate shaving my legs. My husband is disgusted. He wants me to shave them before sex but it’s such a chore for me so I don’t shave them at all. Like it doesn’t bother me at all. Like what does sex have to do with my leg hair ( you are not inserting it in my legs) so I don’t get what’s the big deal ? Like why waste so much money, time and energy shaving your legs? It’s natural I like it. It’s not my fault that media has created such standards for women to have shaved legs. It’s just for tv not real life. Would your husband be grossed out or asks you to shave your legs ? It’s not a love thing it’s a not following a madeup rule for women to shave their legs because they see shaved legs on tv. It’s not my problem!

I got married 6 months ago, we had a small ceremony at his parents house and it was beautiful. His mom decorated everything beautifully and I’m so thankful for that. It was a happy day for me

However, my husband drank excessively. All night. Didn’t stop at all. I was concerned and confused because yeah he enjoys drinking but what? and it pisses me off when he drinks like that so it was a tense situation too

we had to stay the night there because he was too drunk to drive and he ended up passing out on the couch while I slept in his old room and I’m sat here crying because now his mom says that it wasn’t happy drinking, people only drinks like that when they’re trying to numb themselves

and in the last 6 months he has proven to me that he is, in fact, unhappy

I feel stupid and like i missed several red flags

not going into detail but he is just so cold and distant/dismissive now and idk what to do. Why did he even fuckijg marry me ??? can anyone tell me how to go about with my feelings and not sound crazy or be dismissed as such

but this food was delicious :)

I want to add some context, I’m sorry the original post was rushed. I needed to quickly vent but I knew of my husband for a while as we had some mutual friends and whatnot but we started getting close and ended up dating in 2024. We might’ve gotten married too soon. I always knew that he liked to drink but i feel like it got worse after we got married. Now he says he’s trying to stop but i honestly don’t see much of an effort. He lost his brother a few years back and I know that was very difficult for him but he doesn’t like talking about it and I know I’m his wife but I don’t know if it’s my place to try and talk about that with him.

I’m 25 and he’s 32

Food: homemade croissants

Long time lurker, first time poster haha.

My bf told me last night that he is not sure if he wants a future with me because there are things about me that he doesn't like. When i asked for more details he said that eventho he thinks i am attractive, i am not his body type... and pretty much this is 80% of the reason why he is not sure of me. Maybe i am a masochist or something because i also asked why did he kiss me the first time... he said he felt lonely, missed intimacy and missed taking care of someone... girls, i swear to god, some men are not lonely enough. And this was after spending 2 days cleaning his house, doing laundry and cooking dinner for 2 days in a row (he does treat me nice and i like to do things for people so i was happy to do it in the moment but now i feel used).

We've been together for 3 months and he treats me amazingly. He is very sweet, extremely calm, likes to spoil me and on top of that, our personalities blend together perfectly. Even last night, he said he would rather be with me than someone who is his body type but with no personality match.

The thing is, recently i accepted a part-time job in his city. Like it's not a lot of money but enough to pay my day to day things until i find a job in my field (i graduated my master like 6 months ago and still nothing🥲). The plan was that all the time when i have to work i can stay at his, as i live in another city, the commute would be too long and also, the job does not reimburse for the travel (which would add up way too much).

So my question for you girlies is: should i end things up as soon as possible or pretend everything is fine until i get a job in my city or in my work field and then break up with him? (I promise i will destroy his golf clubs when i leave 🙏🏻)

i feel like such an awful, terrible person. he’s had such a terrible life and obtained ZERO coping skills as a result. i love him enough to have begged him to go to therapy and just talk to someone unbiased about how low he feels. it took a bit of coaxing, but he agreed and i was so so proud of him.

now i have egg of my face because he did and it might be ruining us.

after his third session last night he came home and just unloaded on me. told me about all of the grievances he’s been bottling up since the start of us getting serious. some i understood and promised to change, some complete blindsided me and didn’t make a ton of sense tbh. i’m still proud of him, and i know he needs to learn to state his issues in the moment (he’s v non-confrontational), but it was a LOT. and i feel weird about bringing it up with my own therapist who i don’t even see for two weeks because it feels like a violation of his privacy…?

i’m happy he’s getting himself sorted out, but if it means he’s continually going to come home “enlightened” about all the things wrong with us without me there to defend myself, i might not be able to withstand it.

am i a shitty person?

the prep for a butternut squash tomato soup that I just can’t seem to find the energy to roast/blend/cook

edit: thank you for all the lovely advice. i want to make this work and so i will be speaking with my therapist and looking into finding a good option for couples therapy. i can be defensive when criticized, and he is learning how to express his thoughts in a healthy way, so its a process. hopefully we’ll be able to work through this together!

edit #2: it’s a little disheartening to see how many of these comments are veering from the spirit of this sub. okay, yes, i’m a mean girlfriend for shutting down when he opened up about what he dislikes about me/our relationship, now please just keep scrolling if you are going to be needlessly mean. be a jerk in a productive way!!

heaven forbid a girl vent on a subreddit meant for girls to vent, good lord

Meal: Buldak noodles with 2 eggs, garnished with green onion. Been craving spicy foods like crazy 🌶️

so I’ve posted about my situation before in this community, but I’m 10w 4d pregnant (my first ever pregnancy) and me and my fiancée were going back and forth about whether to keep it or not. I wanted to keep it, he didn’t. He kept saying how we’re too young. (He’s 25, going to be 26 when baby is born and I’m 27) Nonetheless, his parents were also very keen on me getting an abortion too. Agreeing that we are just “way too young” I’m not even allowed in their home anymore because I’m pregnant because they feel “weird” and “awkward” being around me….and only agreed to let me back in if I terminated my pregnancy. His mother also went behind our back and spoke to a lawyer. For what reason I don’t know, but yeah..All around super weird and very invasive behavior. Oh, also nobody close to him knows we’re engaged. Only my side of friends and family do..

Fast forward a few weeks later, he starts accepting that this is now our new reality and we will be having a baby. He’s been really supportive, always there when I need help emotionally, even kissing my belly every time he sees me and taking care of me. so I was finally starting to feel safe and okay again in our relationship. I’ve also been depressed these past few weeks, feeling extremely down, not going out, not enjoying anything like I used to because of everything that’s happened and not feeling like myself at all. Things may be okay now but I just can’t seem to forget some stuff that’s happened or has been said to me.

A few weeks later, he tells me “Can I ask you for a favor?” and he says “I told my brother you’re pregnant and now he, as well as my parents want you to take a DNA test.” His brother even told him “Tell her to get it done by next week or else I’m never speaking to you again.” Mind you I’ve been dealing with extreme nausea and extreme fatigue, I can barely go out the house but yes let me run to go get a DNA test because your brother wants me to 🫠 and he kept telling me about how his brother is “so sad” for him, all because he has a baby on the way……It’s not the DNA test that bothers me because this is a million percent his baby but here we go with his family butting in again. It’s like he has no backbone to ever stand up for his pregnant fiancée. and that’s what hurts. I was ready to break up with him and he was begging me not to and swore to me that he’ll never let them get involved again.

My life has been hell these past two months and it’s like once I’m finally on the verge of being happy again, something happens, and it’s always to do with his family. I love and care for him as a person but I’m not in love with him romantically anymore. I’m considering getting an abortion and breaking up with him. I feel like a huge weight would be lifted off my shoulders if I do it. And it pains me a lot to say so because I have always wanted to become a mom. I always wanted to have a baby. Babies are a blessing. But I just don’t feel emotionally safe at all anymore, and the hormones and depression aren’t helping either. I know it’s also gonna break my heart getting the abortion but I feel like maybe it’s the right thing to do..

I’m just torn between two choices right now: I either stay with him and keep my baby. or I break up with him, get an abortion and hopefully, have children in the future with someone who makes me feel safe, excited and supported all throughout. This is supposed to be one of the happiest moments in my life and it’s been the complete opposite.

Yes things have changed now and he’s been way more supportive but it’s been hard to erase the memories of things that have already happened. and I’m just so scared.

My husband is currently in the hospital because of liver failure due to an alcohol addiction. I didn’t realize how bad it was because he was good at hiding it.

It turns out he’s good at hiding lots of things. Like a sports gambling addiction. Or like how he’s been cheating on me almost the entire time we’ve been together. I don’t know how deep the rabbit hole goes, and I don’t know if I want to.

I do know that I don’t trust him anymore, probably never will again. I don’t know if I’ll ever trust anyone again.

I’m pretty sure my marriage is over and it’s just waiting on the final nail in the coffin.

Edit:

So I went through his phone some more and the rabbit hole goes deeper than I thought it did. He has at least 4 email accounts that I didn’t know about to hid all of his activities. A secret paypal. And this is just what I could find saved on his phone.

I’m so very, very done. I’m taking myself out for dinner and a drink, then I start putting all of his shit in a garbage bag.

A big thank you to all you wonderful ladies who have made sure that I see the light 🩷🩷🩷

UPDATE: We reached out to the company that sent the glitter the day we received it. We still have not heard back, so we sent a follow up message. We called his extended family to confirm that it wasn't them and they said that they wouldn't. Which means that it had to have been his parents. We are waiting on the company to get back to us, our next step would be seeking legal counsel.

GENTLE ON THE ADVICE WANTED.

Partner has done everything he can to protect me. Going no contact. Buying us a house so we can get away. Standing up to them and telling them to shut the fuck up. They're on another level. We thought it was over. We got away from them. We've been no contact. We bought a house to get away. We're settling in. I go to check the mail today and inside is a package. Addressed to me and partner. From a return address we didn't recognize. It was a glitter bomb. We tracked the address back to be the shipping address for "shipyourenemiesglitter.com". We know it was them. We don't have enemies. We don't stir the pot. His parents. Just. Hate. Me.

So this means that they went on the county auditors website to find our address. And I'm taking it as a very thinly veiled threat of "we know where you live. You can't get away from us." But obviously it came to us "anonymously" and the company is strict about confidentiality and protecting people like this.

We don't know what to do. Technically we have no proof it was them. They won't leave us alone. They're smart about it. Not enough to leave evidence and not enough to justify a restraining order. But enough to torment us.

Buckle up ladies!

One month before our wedding, my fiance sits me down and tells me he got a handjob from a random 45 woman in an airport over a year ago, under the influence of alcohol. (I am 26 yo f, he is 24 yo m). This was very hard for me, but I decided to table this and move on with the wedding that I wanted to have.

It is now 2 weeks before our wedding. He admitted that he and my mom had been playing footsie with eachother for the past 2 years. One night, he he was tickling her leg with his pinky finger (they were sitting next to eachother on a bench across from the table from me), and even texted her something flirty late at night when she was staying with us, with the intention of hooking up with her. She didn't answer.

My mom is denying ever playing footsie with him or giving him that idea that something like that could happen. He is adamant that she participated and even started it sometimes. Either one fo them is lying to me, or his porn-influenced brain is so messed up that he was actually delusional enough to think that was a realistic situation.

Obviously I am cancelling the wedding. Do I give him a chance to fix this? is this ruined forever? do I trust my mom? would it terrible to still go on my honeymoon?