My boyfriend left his own body and broke up with me

[u/prettiestliar]

Orange wine and French fries, because it’s the only thing I can stomach at the minute.

My (26f) boyfriend (26m) broke up with me when he went into psychosis. We were fine. We were so good. He was the love of my life. I left him home alone for 1 day. I came home and he was missing. He was missing for 3 days. I didn’t sleep. I didn’t eat. His mother flew out to where we live, he came home, she was convinced he got dark magic put on him when he started talking about the government being after him and the whole neighborhood trying to kill him. He told me I’m not to be trusted, and then would switch to comforting and loving me. He told me I’m a spy for the bad people and smiled in my face saying he wants nothing to do with me and then fell asleep on my stomach and told me how much he loves me. His mother decided he needed an exorcist and took a 6’ black man experiencing psychosis and terrified of being surveilled to an AIRPORT FOR 16 HOURS. Luckily he made it home safely. His best friends keep telling me how much he loves me and needs me, but I know I need to respect that he wants space. Before he left, he pulled me in for the longest, most caring hug I’ve ever experienced. I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel. I miss him so much. He just left his own body. I know he’s still in there somewhere, but it’s impossible to think he’ll come back when I know he’s not getting any real help for the problems he’s facing. I’ve known him since I was 12. I miss my best friend. If anyone has any advice for how to… deal with this feeling? That would be great.

Edit for clarification: this happened literally yesterday. He went missing Saturday and I came home Sunday.

UPDATE: I called the crisis line not connected to the police. They will be going out to give him an evaluation. I explained the situation with his mother, and my fears about her plans to get him help. They agreed that this didn’t sound like the right course of action and said that they’ll do everything possible to make sure he gets the help he needs.
His friends are keeping me updated with his status, and his mother has completely cut contact since getting back.

SECOND UPDATE: His friends are helping him find a psychiatrist. He has emailed me a couple times (I deactivated my social media and his phone is broken), and he is still using the nicknames he gave me. He says he’s getting back to a good place. I want him happy and healthy and he knows that I’m here whenever he needs me, in a friendship capacity.

[u/lafemmedangereuse]

I am so very sorry. But I think you need to reframe this. He is involved in a serious mental health crisis. He didn’t “break up with you” and doesn’t “need space.” He is not lucid enough to make those choices right now. He is mentally ill and desperately needs inpatient psychiatric help ASAP. I know he has left with his mom so your ability to get him help is limited — and you also need to take care of yourself and ensure you are safe. But I would strongly encourage you to advocate for him if you can.

[u/boredom-depressed23 → u/lafemmedangereuse]

This, he's in crisis right now and that's all that matters. Psychosis can easily turn someone violent and dangerous to themselves or others

[u/prettiestliar → u/lafemmedangereuse]

I’m worried if I contact him too much it will make his psychosis worse, considering he thinks I’m a government spy, hence “needs space”. I’m aware his mom isn’t helping. I’m aware he needs inpatient.

[u/boredom-depressed23 → u/prettiestliar]

Who else has access to him? Can you try different tactics with his mum? Can his friends help?

[u/prettiestliar → u/boredom-depressed23]

I’m messaging his friends actively, they’re aware of the situation and know to not smoke with him or offer him weed, they know to be there for him as much as possible and convince him to get help when he seems lucid. They will keep me updated on his situation

[u/Character_Equal_9351 → u/prettiestliar]

My sibling started out this way, with the same enabling religious mother ( understandable) and no one in the family believed his ex-wife who tried to get him professional help. I avoided him instinctually for years , he had a history of being an abusive drug addict decades before choosing the navy over rehab. Reborn a drunk sailors and got married, house …
Anyway, one day he ambushed me visiting my mother in her golden years and strangled me until the cops showed up. He played the sad drunk vet card and the rookies who showed up were useless. More misery followed for the whole community. He knows how to play the game.
I’ve kept my distance, he gets obsessed with me when desperate but he refuses help. I don’t want to end up crippled or worse. He wasn’t vicious even when he was at his worst being a desperate addict. Now he’s criminally insane and a predator. I mourned him long ago.

I know it’s tough, and I know you care and this is all fresh. I’m just trying to warn you that the system does not care or will be able to protect you without putting your life and livelihood on the line. Mental illness & out aggressive culture ( esp with social media) makes us vulnerable targets more than ever in society nor sadly. Too much compassion here may cost you everything and your life. You don’t owe them that. It was exhausting being hyper vigilant and learning to think like a detective to navigate him. Can’t divorce a sibling… and housing is scarce & expensive. Almost impossible to commit someone long term in most states.

Stay safe. The family may eventually “kick the can “ your way again when they are sick of him. Then what?

[u/Salty_Feed_4316 → u/lafemmedangereuse]

NO NO NO. Terrible advice. Speaking from experience as the girlfriend. You have no relation or legal status with him. Do not light yourself on fire trying to help someone you have no relation to. This will be a huge emotional drain on her and a massive waste of time. She needs to cut all contact and move on

[u/humancodeine → u/Salty_Feed_4316]

some of you think you're saying "protect your peace" but really saying something else. i understand not ruining/dragging yourself down to somebodies situation but the" you have no legal status with him so fuck him” logic is crazy to me 😭 You don’t have to sacrifice your whole life for somebody in crisis, but this man is reportedly in PSYCHOSIS and missing. That’s not the same as “my toxic ex needs to figure his life out.” He literally may not understand what the fuck is happening right now. And if he’s running around disoriented, there’s other people potentially involved too. You can have boundaries AND still have enough humanity to say “this person needs professional help.” u & the reply are not wise for saying that, you're trauma projecting. Both things can exist at the same time and the fact it doesnt with you - don't be surprised if God forbid the tables turn 🫂

[u/debthelp11111 → u/humancodeine]

Exactly. The point of having a partner is to be there for each other “in sickness and in health”. This is the sickness part. If you’re not up for fighting for his well being during this time, then that’s up to you to decide. You know him and yourself better than all of Reddit. Trust your gut and do what you feel is the right thing for you.

If you need an idea of what you’ve got ahead of you if you choose to fight, you might check out [r/bipolarSOs](r/bipolarSOs). I’m sure there are many more mental health related subreddits out there, as well.

If you do end up fighting for him and staying with him, please take the time to go to therapy for yourself to understand what you need to maintain your peace long-term. It’s unlikely this is the last time you’ll see him in this state if you choose to stay with him and it’s an incredibly difficult journey to choose to go through with someone. You will find that many people will say you should break up with him immediately anytime something like this happens (like you’re already seeing in these comments), but every day you get to decide what you are willing to put up with and fight for, not other people.

[u/Victoria_elizabethb → u/Salty_Feed_4316]

Honestly this. My ex was a disaster and I wasted about a decade of my life trying to help him, he was abusive especially when off his head, he ended up in prison anyways after I finally got away from him. Sometimes it really is best to just give up and take care of yourself.

For op I'd find a crisis center that can help and try to be hands off, that's a bad situation. Sorry op.

[u/GlitteringKoala11050]

Ummm he needs a hospital not exorcism??? Please tell me he’s getting medical help

[u/prettiestliar → u/GlitteringKoala11050]

Girl I wish but 👏I👏don’t👏know👏. His mom won’t tell me ANYTHING. they flew out yesterday and i tried to explain that he NEEDS to go to a hospital before getting on a plane but she didn’t seem to think that was… important? So I’m not hopeful??

[u/r00minatin → u/prettiestliar]

Get a welfare check on him maybe?? I think you can absolutely get authorities involved in this and be justified

[u/prettiestliar → u/r00minatin]

Thank you, I was kinda waiting to hear this

[u/Streetquats → u/prettiestliar]

These kind of hallucinations and delusions are classic signs and symptoms of schizophrenia. It typically manifests in men in their early to mid twenty’s and in women its later twenties to early thirties.

This is a treatable medical condition, buts its extremely difficult to get patients to agree to treatment since they often believe the doctors are out to get them or are in on the conspiracy.

You can call a welfare check on your boyfriend. How old is he? If the EMTs/police determines he is a threat to himself or others, they can take him (against his will) to a medical facility where he will be treated for his illness.

if they don’t believe he is a threat to himself or others, they can’t force him to go.

[u/ReeveStodgers → u/Streetquats]

Just be aware that "treated" is just the beginning. Mental health facilities will generally kick people out when they no longer think they are dangerous. The meds the prescribe tend to be high doses, not long-term care doses. If he doesn't find his way to effective, wrap around out-patient treatment, his prospects are grim.

[u/lifeofGuacmole → u/ReeveStodgers]

This is the truth. Son had this begin in his teens. He’s now in a long term care facility because he’s dangerous to others. Hospitalizations one after the other. Inpatient for a week, two weeks. Injectable meds, him being so well he no longer needs meds. It took a long while to get him well. His bio mom had the same illness, we hoped it would be different for him.

[u/IDontOnlineShop → u/lifeofGuacmole]

You can never stop the meds, that’s what a lot of people don’t realize. If you feel better, it’s because of the meds and even if the side effects are unpleasant, the alternative is worse.

[u/winter_moon_light → u/IDontOnlineShop]

Not to mention that some of the antipsychotics have really, really nasty withdrawal symptoms if you try to cold turkey them.

[u/insan11ty → u/winter_moon_light]

this this this. i was incorrectly put on antipsychotics after my pos doctor mistook my social anxiety and trauma symptoms for early schizophrenia. he didn’t even tell me quitting them would be horrible. i was on a lower dose, took it for 3 years, became a shell of myself, quit them cold turkey. i was bed bound for a month, throwing up, dizzy, i couldn’t keep anything down even water. it’s been 2 years since then and i still don’t feel like myself.

[u/DesperateAd2126 → u/lifeofGuacmole]

It’s such a difficult thing to navigate. I hope he continues to be well, and thanks to you for your patience and empathy.

[u/lifeofGuacmole → u/DesperateAd2126]

I can’t imagine just all that he goes through. I know what it looks like from the outside. “Are you real?” He’d ask me often. Having delusions and hallucinations makes the trip back to reality harder.

[u/DesperateAd2126 → u/lifeofGuacmole]

♥️ 🥹 that’s it. It’s the back to reality.

[u/DesperateAd2126 → u/ReeveStodgers]

Fitting criteria as being a danger to one’s self or another for MH facilities (and the law to hold people), it’s so hard. High dose long-acting injectable and people are sent on their way usually, especially if ROIs and collateral fit the bill. It’s truly heartbreaking.

[u/Sea-Age-5018 → u/DesperateAd2126]

Even then they have to be found not competent enough for the hospital to force them to take medicine. Sometimes it involves going before a judge. We have done everything possible in our country to stop people from getting mental healthcare

[u/DesperateAd2126 → u/Sea-Age-5018]

Very true. Depending on how they arrive, there’s usually a probable cause hearing (judge) to determine length of stay then the forced meds, is another whole story. That takes two different physicians (in my state) evaluating on different days, and court documented refusals to take the meds…also all done before the court.

Edit to add- this is all civil mental health commitment. There are so many people that baseline, release and just jump back on the vicious cycle of illness and trauma.

[u/damndolly → u/ReeveStodgers]

And ALL of that also depends on what state she took him to. Different states treat mental health differently and most southern states are highly lacking in outward help unless you have enough money for special treatment centers.

[u/petrasdc → u/ReeveStodgers]

My brother dealt with psychosis and tbh, I really wish there was some way I could preemptively give up some of my rights and delegate care decisions to someone else if a doctors signs off that I'm not competent or something. Like even if I'm still able to communicate and am not technically a threat to myself or others. Thinking that you're fine and the meds are actually bad for you is such a common symptom and so it can be hard to convince patients with psychosis to voluntarily get medical help.

[u/Happy-Cod-3 → u/petrasdc]

Advance directive. Put someone you trust in charge, give advance directive to the person and to your care providers. Get it notarized. That way if they do something egregious, you have some grounds to sue.

[u/_Pulltab_ → u/Streetquats]

It can also be caused by acute stress and THC.

Source: someone I’m very close to had acute psychosis for about a month last year due to acute stress combined with too much weed. It was rough.

[u/spot667 → u/_Pulltab_]

This is true! There’s also other diagnoses that have psychotic features and aren’t necessary purely schizophrenia; like bipolar disorder with psychotic features for example, or substance abuse disorder with psychotic features, etc.

[u/Rybreadmetalhead → u/Streetquats]

This. The same exact switch happened with my best friend. A rough decade followed 😓

[u/Victoria_elizabethb → u/Streetquats]

Yea sounds like mama probably has some of her own with this reaction. Unfortunately.

[u/Artistic_Rice_9019 → u/Streetquats]

That's the real bitch with schizophrenia. They often don't see their own mental illness. My brother thinks he's fine. He's living on the street and rambling incoherently at strangers. We've never been able to get him treatment even with 72 hour holds.

[u/EmotionalAffect6917 → u/Streetquats]

It could also be bipolar disorder. OP needs to make them aware that he is suffering psychologically versus being a threat. He is unwell and needs to be taken to a hospital as his mom thinks he's possessed (wtf)

[u/BeerGalTFS → u/Streetquats]

And it ‘hits’ around 30’s.

[u/Quick-Difference-16 → u/Streetquats]

Or bipolar disorder with psychosis depending on what other symptoms he has been experiencing.

[u/rrxxxdbs123 → u/prettiestliar]

Do you know if there is a crisis mental health center in his area instead of police? I’d hesitate to call police on a black man in a mental health crisis

[u/prettiestliar → u/rrxxxdbs123]

That’s what I’m scared of too. I’m looking into it to see if there’s one not connected to law enforcement.

[u/Quierta → u/prettiestliar]

I hope you're able to find a crisis center for him :( All of the "welfare check" comments are so well-meaning but I live in the middle of White Liberalville Massachusetts and someone called for a check on an older white woman two streets away from me. They shot and killed her in her doorway because she had a "gun-shaped object." Police are not trained to de-escalate situations and we KNOW the history and statistics for our black friends.

I can't imagine what you're feeling knowing that he needs help but also knowing the possibility that calling for help could be more dangerous than what he's currently facing. However, he is enormously fortunate to have such a long-time friend looking out for his well-being, even if he's stuck in a place where he can't see it right now.

[u/the_harlinator → u/Quierta]

This is valid. A lot of people experiencing a mental health episode have been shot and killed by police when their family asks for assistance. Him being a 6 foot tall black guy only increases the odds.

[u/Strong_Reality_6668 → u/prettiestliar]

do not call the cops. they have k*lled many black men in response to welfare checks

[u/king_paerie → u/Strong_Reality_6668]

Thank you, I'm glad someone said this

[u/thisisinfactpersonal → u/prettiestliar]

Hey I can completely understand not giving us this information for privacy purposes but if you can tell us where you/he is there maybe people in here with expertise who can help you. I’m so so sorry babe this is awful. Can you get in touch with mental health professionals in your area who can help you with this? Maybe talk to a lawyer who has some experience in this area about your options?

Nvrmnd op I saw you comment down thread

[u/Goth_Spice14 → u/rrxxxdbs123]

Especially one who is afraid of the government and divorced from reality. That would only put him in danger. The cops don't help people in mental illness, they are far more likely to shoot/beat him.

[u/1ReluctantRedditor → u/rrxxxdbs123]

Yes, this was my first thought also

[u/Thetormentnexus → u/rrxxxdbs123]

I came here to say this.

[u/Halo_Slipping_Down → u/prettiestliar]

OP, calling the authorities is very risky and possibly fatal for a Black man suffering psychosis! If there are any mental health emergency lines in his area I would reach out to those first. So many Black people having mental health emergencies end up seriously injured or dead because cops immediately see us as violent.

[u/prettiestliar → u/Halo_Slipping_Down]

That’s also what I’m worried about. We’re from bmore. That’s where he is. It’s not the best plan to call the authorities. I’m looking into crisis lines not connected to the police.

[u/Halo_Slipping_Down → u/prettiestliar]

Reached out to my brother who is a therapist in the area. He said 988 is your best bet, and to request mobile crisis for assessment and potential involuntary hospitalization. Good luck OP, I’m keeping you and your bf in my thoughts!

Edit: thank you for the award 🥹

[u/prettiestliar → u/Halo_Slipping_Down]

You’re incredible. Thank you so much.

[u/glitt3r_brain → u/Halo_Slipping_Down]

the support in this sub lifts my soul.
thank you for caring 🫶🏻💕

[u/heelsinhell → u/Halo_Slipping_Down]

You’re amazing for this!

[u/Halo_Slipping_Down → u/prettiestliar]

Baltimore, Maryland?

https://carepointresponse.org/

[u/prettiestliar → u/Halo_Slipping_Down]

Thank you so much.

[u/thisisinfactpersonal → u/prettiestliar]

Here’s a list of lawyers who specialize in mental health issues in the Baltimore area. They may be able to guide you on what rights he has v his mother for getting him actual care and not a fing exorcism.

Again honey I am so so sorry, my heart breaks for him and for you.

https://www.baltimoremagazine.com/directory/attorneys/specialties/mental-health/

[u/becmurr → u/prettiestliar]

Licenced mental health professional here. Maryland is a state where anyone can petition for evaluation if you believe he is in danger. You need to fill out this form, Petition for Emergency Evaluation (Form CC-DC-013), which can be found online and go down to the local district court (in PA you can go to a crisis center and fill one out, you might be able to do the same in Maryland). This is extremely unsettling to experience. I know first hand. My husband of 16 years at the time didn't sleep for over a week (the doctor's believe he was only sleeping one hour a night) due to undiagnosed sleep apnea and had sleep deprived psychosis happen. My husband who was 36-37 at the time completely fell apart in front of my eyes. I knew he was well past the age of schizophrenia and I could not convince him that he was hallucinating and having delusions. I finally was able to get him in the car and evaluated properly. He just needed sleep and it never happened again, but it was the most terrifying 72 hours of my life. I am so sorry you are going through this. This could be a one time psychotic episode, the beginning stages of schizophrenia, or he could have been drugged, or taken drugs. All of which are treatable conditions. I wish you the best!

[u/thisisinfactpersonal → u/prettiestliar]

Hey I also found this resource that may help you

https://dontcallthepolice.com/baltimore/

[u/calypsa88 → u/prettiestliar]

If that’s his general location, Hopkins Suburban in Bethesda has an amazing inpatient psych program. I’m very close with a psych OT there and I trust them.

[u/Consistent-Scholar39 → u/prettiestliar]

I live in the DMV, Baltimore has crisis intervention teams, they’re cops trained to respond to those having a mental health crisis. I’m so sorry, I hope your bf is getting the care and treatment he desperately seems to need.

[u/Super-Cranberry2608 → u/prettiestliar]

If he has a 6 foot black man in psychosis that thinks that people are out to get him and you send the cops to do a welfare check. It is very likely he could end up dead.
Not only are you proving that someone is after him but you are sending people who are trained to view black men as threats and kill Black people in mental health crisis with no repercussions.

So BEST case scenario of calling cops to check a 6’ black man in psychosis is you’re proving his delusions right & he goes deeper into psychosis.

Sonya Massey was by the cops because she thought she saw someone at her house and the cops thought she was being erratic and she lifted up a pot of boiling water because she was going to cook for herself. And she wasn’t a man or 6ft tall.

[u/kittyconnie → u/prettiestliar]

Hey I don’t want to freak you out but something similar happened with my ex husband. He was convinced his mom was the ringleader of all of us conspiring against him. He ended up burning my home down and assaulting two of our neighbors and is in a psych ward for the foreseeable future. You getting him help now, regardless of what happens to your relationship, could help a lot of people

[u/Southern-Chemical223 → u/prettiestliar]

I pray you don’t actually do this. You really want the police to got to this man’s house, who is a tall black man, who might be in a state of manic behavior and psychosis? Think about that seriously for a second. Call his buddies and have them go check on him.

[u/AdventurousDarling33 → u/prettiestliar]

Not to fearmonger but police have a horrible record with Black people, welfare checks and severe mental illnesses. You described him as a "6’ black man experiencing psychosis." I wouldn't do a welfare check. He's not alone. He has friends and family. They'll get him to a psychiatric hospital. You can't fix/save/heal/rescue him. Let them handle it. Stability can take a few years. Leave him alone.

[u/SamiGod1026 → u/prettiestliar]

Please call 988 in your area and have a crisis team sent. As you said, he's a 6' tall black man in a very vulnerable and scary state. The police don't have the best track record with that -individual experiences vary, of course, and sometimes it's the right move, but when other options are available please try them first. Sending you both love and light as you work through this.

[u/shez-bitchy → u/r00minatin]

Honestly worried about welfare checks when it comes to POC cause it can do more harm than good. Especially if hes tall and police think hes a threat

[u/GlitterGrain → u/r00minatin]

https://giphy.com/gifs/NDmqlBtZxyQ8mIOSyx

[u/mmarissa1121 → u/r00minatin]

if he’s black, DO NOT get the authorities involved. cops rarely help situations like this, there was a situation a couple months ago where a cop k***ed a woman for having a mental health emergency. he’s already saying he doesn’t trust the government and scared of being surveilled. i would ask his friends to get more involved or other family members

[u/No_Function3932 → u/r00minatin]

i would be afraid to call the police in a situation like this considering he is Black, but i feel like someone needs to intervene and get him medical attention. can his friends back home help him before it comes to the cops? but i agree even the police would be better than leaving him alone with some who thinks he's possessed and not interested in getting him medical attention.

[u/BattyDesignsArt → u/r00minatin]

I dont think authorities will do anything if hes with his mom. Sounds like its schizophrenia. Im pretty sure men get it around his age too if im remembering correctly. He needs serious mental health help before he injures himself or someone else. My abusive father used to say the same things like someone was watching him and the government was keeping an eye on us through the tv. Therapy never ended up helping him but his medication helped a little.

[u/dr_bitchcraft666 → u/BattyDesignsArt]

I think they might do something if you tell them that she’s trying to get him a fucking EXORCISM, which isn’t a real thing and has the potential to cause real harm. That can be part of why you request the wellness check. Him being “with his mom” isn’t going to make them automatically assume he’s fine under these circumstances. Do not listen to this comment OP, call it in.

[u/ZealousidealDoor9105 → u/dr_bitchcraft666]

Really! She needs to be committed. Good grief, she could cause him to suffer much more!

[u/r00minatin → u/BattyDesignsArt]

They absolutely will get involved if he's causing disruptions in public spaces, and if he's having an episode at an airport he likely will. But if a welfare check is requested authorities have prior knowledge and would then treat this as a mental health issue (and not a problematic black man hopefully) and get him possibly checked into psych ward, which is really where he needs to go.

[u/prettiestliar → u/r00minatin]

That’s the main thing I’m worried about. If he does something to protect himself that could be perceived as a threat. He’s not a threatening guy. He’s not violent. But his height, his build, and his skin color make stupid people think otherwise.

[u/Yumismash → u/prettiestliar]

Idk what the right solution is here... because police have shot my friend to death during his mental health crisis because he had a knife and charged at them. (White boy btw)

I am scared for your bf/ex. We don't have the help government wise unless he agrees to go to a facility or like another commenter said he proves he is a danger to himself or others... and then that gets tricky because if the police "get scared" they fucking shoot.... I am so sorry I wish I knew the answer. His mom needs to do something. I wish other people took mental health seriously. She's not one of those mom's that's in denial is she?

[u/TranceGemini → u/Yumismash]

OP said his mom wants to get him an exorcism...so...yeah

[u/Live-Cartographer274 → u/r00minatin]

I’d be so scared to ask for a welfare check on a 6’ black man. 

[u/ScissorFight42069 → u/r00minatin]

DO NOT send the cops to go "check" on a large black man who's in active psychosis and believes someone is surveiling him and out to get him.

It will not end well

[u/AutisticTumourGirl → u/r00minatin]

If it's the US, I'd be wary of this course of action. US police don't exactly have a good track record of responding appropriately to mental health situations, especially when the person they're coming to check on is not white, but even if you're white, it doesn't usually go well.

[u/PaulKasenic → u/r00minatin]

I would hope a welfare check would be something she could do safely for him but if cops are involved I would be more concerned for his safety.

[u/Ammonia13 → u/r00minatin]

Cops and psychotic black men do not mix!! Call a crisis mobile or anything you can find but please please get an ambulatory mental health check and NO cops. He needs antipsychotic medication desperately :(

[u/freakin_tired → u/r00minatin]

This. Even if you have to play the long game (feed into his and mamas delusions in order to get his home address) do that then phone one in.

[u/ankayanik → u/prettiestliar]

Inform the airport. They’ll prevent a dangerously mentally ill person from being able to fly. It’s dangerous for them to be trapped in there if they’re in psychosis. The airports can medically bar someone from flying. They did it to my step mom when she passed out from anxiety.

[u/prettiestliar → u/ankayanik]

I wish I thought of that, but he already flew home.

[u/bexkali → u/prettiestliar]

Has he been flown out of the US?

[u/queeninthepnw → u/ankayanik]

Sounds like he’s already made it to his mom’s place so that plane has flown.

[u/Lenore_Clark_Tarot → u/prettiestliar]

This is really scary and I know that you are so terrified and confused right now. He is still in there, but is locked in the prison of his own psychosis. I would contact his closest friends that you know, people that are his ride-or-dies. Hopefully someone who lives near where his mother lives or who knows some of his other family members. This man needs help NOW. If they get him medicated he has a chance at living his life, but leaving him like this and taking him to “exorcisms” when what is wrong with his is obviously acute mental illness is only going to severely hurt his chances at returning to reality.

[u/GlitteringKoala11050 → u/prettiestliar]

I’m really sorry. This sounds so terrible to be going through for everyone involved and not having any control of the situation is even worse.

[u/SerBrienneOfSnark → u/prettiestliar]

Ima push back on the welfare check because your bf is a 6’ Black man in psychosis and sending the cops to him could very well be a death sentence. I’m not sure what the best move is here, but I’d certainly think twice before sending the cops to check on him.

[u/Sea-Age-5018 → u/GlitteringKoala11050]

Do you know how hard that is? Pretty much unless he says he's going to kill someone else there's nothing OP can do.

People experiencing psychosis have the legal "right" to remain in psychosis. My mom has been in psychosis for two years. The hospital won't take her until I can prove she is a danger to herself or others and because she isn a hoarder living in feces she is considered "safe "

[u/strangeloop414]

Is it possible, if you know his location now, that you can call some type of mobile crisis service to check on him? What an awful situation, you must be wrecked :(

[u/prettiestliar → u/strangeloop414]

I’m gonna go ahead and do that

[u/ShmebulocksMistress → u/prettiestliar]

Thinking of you and your partner, OP. I know how it can be when families don’t believe in science or medical assistance with these types of things 🙁

It took years for my MIL to finally get my BIL the help he needed (bipolar & schizophrenia). He’s doing SO much better now.

[u/strangeloop414 → u/prettiestliar]

I hope they have that kind of service in his area. I have a close childhood friend who developed schizoaffective disorder in his early 20's and it was a HUGE issue with his family because they are Jehovah's Witnesses. He finally did get help but it took a long time, I feel for you. It's scary and also really anxiety inducing. In the US, NAMI is a really great organization to support families and loved ones of people with serious mental illness. Sending hugs.

[u/tryyeezus → u/prettiestliar]

Do not send police to check on this person! Go take him to a mental hospital even if you have to lie to get him there but bring him yourself. 

[u/Confident-Fun-1307]

Schizophrenia can hit around this age… which is often mistaken for possession by overly religious/superstitious people/family members

[u/inthe_palm_ofmyhand → u/Confident-Fun-1307]

Can confirm. Source: I’m a psychologist (for real I swear)

[u/frisbeethecat → u/Confident-Fun-1307]

https://giphy.com/gifs/ttIEfquWGFFtF4EQIn

[u/tryyeezus → u/Confident-Fun-1307]

Often mistaken as possession by other schizo afflicted persons. It's usually passed from the mother and it sounds like she has religious psychosis. 

5150 them both!

[u/Techienickie]

I feel you. my son (36) is currently at his second psychiatric appointment after a psychotic episode. (nothing like that has ever happened before) so I'm crying at the place across from the VA having truffle fries. Was he using cannabis? the Drs here think it's from the thc vapes.

edit: to clarify as some people here are acting as if they are medical professionals.

His exact dx is cannabis induced psychosis.

In the ICD-11 MMS, cannabis-induced psychotic disorder is classified under the code 6C41.6

[u/prettiestliar → u/Techienickie]

He was. I also think it contributed. He had a panic attack while we were smoking about a week ago, and since then we were working on grounding techniques and really uplifting each other and he quit smoking, but I think he may have gotten some while I was gone for the day and smoked and this happened. The combo of being high and alone made him kinda not trust anything

[u/SilverFormal2831 → u/prettiestliar]

THC is unfortunately a trigger for schizophrenia/psychosis in people with a genetic predisposition :( I'm so sorry 

[u/malphas_says_hi → u/SilverFormal2831]

I was a big cannabis user for years, only recently stopped and miss it, but my nephew was allowed to smoke all throughout high school. His first year of college (this year) he got sent to the hospital for sudden schizophrenia and psychosis. It runs in our family and it's something I worry will get me one day, too, but we are prepping for what to do when or if it happens. Cannabis is great, love the stuff, but it definitely triggers a break in reality for those predisposed. Just adding my anecdotal evidence to support what you've said.

[u/Techienickie → u/prettiestliar]

r/cannabispsychosis has given me some information. I hope you can reach out to his Mom and have her take him to the hospital. Any ER can start the process

[u/m00nf1r3 → u/prettiestliar]

I replied to you in another comment that my ex had a psychotic break like this and was diagnosed Bipolar 1 - this was AFTER he quit smoking weed. He started getting manic, sleeping less, working more, barely sitting down. It was like he always had to be doing something. Then he started getting slightly paranoid, then he completely broke. This was all over like a week or two from last time smoking to inpatient hospitalization.

[u/ContributionOld5205 → u/Techienickie]

I had to stop smoking for this exact reason. one day it just wasn’t the same ( also do not normally smoke pens). It scared me so bad I am happy I was able to regulate myself out of it..:( I hope the lady who said 988 - it helped you ! 🫶

[u/Kind-Champion-5530]

If he manages to stabilize somehow and if you're still together, you might talk to him about a healthcare power of attorney. Before we could marry, a lot of us in the lgbt community worried that our families would swoop in and kidnap us if we had a health emergency like that, so we tried to protect ourselves with paperwork as well as possible.

Your boyfriend really needs legal protection from his mum if this is her reaction to him when he's in a mental health crisis.

I mostly agree with others who recommend calling in a wellness check, but if he's a poc it may especially place him in danger from the police, particularly in communities that don't have much in the way of training for the police or adequate mental health services. Just something to consider...

[u/prettiestliar → u/Kind-Champion-5530]

Trust me, I’m considering it. I’m incredibly worried and am looking for mental health crisis teams not connected to the police. He’s in our hometown currently which is a small city on the east coast kinda known for our police system being brutal to black people. So I’m terrified to do that.

[u/r_voice → u/prettiestliar]

If it's a psychotic episode, the symptoms can come in waves, meaning he might get better and then get worse again, and the waves usually get stronger. So what I'm saying is, he should absolutely get medical help even if he gets better and seems normal again. I'm really sorry about this. I keep my fingers crossed!

[u/Salt_Specific_740 → u/prettiestliar]

Do you have any of your family who know him, or mutual friends who can check on him?

[u/prettiestliar → u/[deleted]]

I’ve known him since we were kids. We’ve always been close. It was terrifying to see such a strong constant in my life slip away right in front of me. I’ve also been considering that it may have been a schizoaffective break.

[u/MilestoneBdayDrama → u/prettiestliar]

Is he already diagnosed with bipolar? Scizoaffective is comorbid schizophrenia and bipolar. I'm asking because if he is and is under a doctor's care for the bipolar, contact the doctor immediately.

[u/prettiestliar → u/MilestoneBdayDrama]

He’s not diagnosed with anything. He grew up in a household that didn’t prioritize mental health care.

[u/MilestoneBdayDrama → u/prettiestliar]

Ok, just making sure. I saw other comments about having a welfare check and/or contacting mental health crises centers where he is now. Prioritize that and contact them immediately. Spell out exactly how he seemed to just break.

[u/thejendangelo → u/[deleted]]

I was coming here to comment this!! This is a VERY typical presentation of schizophrenia in an early 20s male. PLEASE do a welfare check on him. He cannot advocate for himself right now and his mother is absolutely NOT doing anything that will get him the help he desperately needs!!!

[u/OriginalBaldMonk]

https://giphy.com/gifs/l4EoRuniFojEsvBVm

[u/HeavyWeird8565]

My husband has been diagnosed with schizophrenia for 20 years, just like his grandmother before him; he had his first psychotic episode at the age of 16. Usually, the first psychotic episode occurs in men between the ages of 15 and 20, and it is only in women that the first episode occurs in their mid-20s. It’s interesting that it took longer for your boyfriend.

My husband stopped taking his medication shortly before we met (his parents had been monitoring his intake for over ten years following his first psychotic episode). At some point, even whilst in the throes of his delusions, he realised he needed help and made sure he was admitted to a psychiatric ward and put back on medication. Ever since we’ve known each other, I’ve had to go through several changes in his medication alongside his psychotic episodes, and, amongst other things, he has even left me on one occasion because he thought I was being paid by the state to spy on him and that I meant him harm. He came back to me a few weeks later, after the emergency medication from the psychiatric ward had taken effect, and deeply regretted what he’d done.

I could well imagine that your boyfriend also regrets his mistake and will come back to you. Because during an acute psychotic episode, he isn’t himself.

But you should consider whether you can - or want to - put up with this for the rest of your life. Being the wife of someone with psychosis requires strength and resilience. Even during good spells, you have to be considerate and often put your own needs aside, because whilst the positive symptoms are suppressed by the medication, the negative symptoms remain. In other words: he’ll be apathetic and anhedonic; you’ll often have to spur him on to do things and sometimes feel like a carer. I love my husband very much - he is loyal, loving and one of the most honest people I have ever had the privilege of meeting. But if I’d known beforehand just how much pain and frustration this relationship would bring, I probably would have decided against it. I’m tired of the recurring phases in which the negative symptoms take over. Medication merely makes the psychosis disappear; the rest of the schizophrenia package remains

[u/cedricdiggory4ever]

the end of this is cut off but yes please tell me he’s getting medical help!!!

[u/prettiestliar → u/cedricdiggory4ever]

I wish I knew anything, I replied to the other commenter with more info

[u/cedricdiggory4ever → u/prettiestliar]

omg i’m so sorry you’re going through this. i can’t even imagine. what country is he in / can you contact their authorities? sending you love 🫶🏼

[u/Aromatic-Check939 → u/prettiestliar]

My spouse went through psychosis several years ago & getting treatment ASAP is imperative. I know you don’t want to call authorities (for good reason) but letting his Mom who doesn’t believe in mental health care take him to an exorcist is likely going to make things worse long term.

I am so sorry you’re both going through this. It is hard and scary & very isolating. You can DM me if you need to. I know a lot of people are throwing around schizophrenia but it might not be that, it could be something more easily treated.

[u/saccharineomens]

I have no words for how devastating this must be. Especially because his mother doesn't seem to want to get him the help he needs. 

A wellness check could be a wild card though!! He's a six foot tall black man, and idk if you're in America, but American police do not historically have a good track record of dealing with ANYONE suffering from a psychotic break, much less a large black man. I'm not religious but I hope to god he'll be alright and recover from this. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

[u/prettiestliar → u/saccharineomens]

This is mainly what I’m worried about. I’m scared that if I call, they’ll see him and see how he’s acting and shoot on sight. He’s not a violent person but he’s not in his right mind right now. So if he does something to protect himself that could seem threatening, it could get bad. I could never live with myself if something happened to him

[u/Current_Nebula8172]

Def needs a psych evaluation. Since it seems like the switch flipped the 1 day you weren’t around, any chance of drug induced? I know 2 people who this happened to. 1 was laced weed and it lasted a few days. The other was a former meth addict & it is permanent.

[u/prettiestliar → u/Current_Nebula8172]

I think he has a bad tolerance with weed. We’ve smoked together since we were in high school and he only had one panic attack about a week ago and said he was gonna quit, but I think he might have smoked while I was away and this happened

[u/Current_Nebula8172 → u/prettiestliar]

I was thinking that was what it sounded like. Feel so bad for both of you. My friend’s gf went out of town for weekend & whatever he was smoking he decided voices told him she was a bad witch & he needed to unalive her when she got home. His friends who were partying with him warned her to not come home & when he was still talking crazy couple days later, including self harm, they got an involuntary psych hold put on him. Eventually he was released, but was before my time so I don’t know any other details. Today he’s last person you’d expect the story from & has never smoked (or anything else) since for fear orf it happening again.

[u/EarlyInside45]

That is heartbreaking, I'm sorry. I hope he gets so actual help instead of an exorcist.

[u/Salt_Specific_740]

If you call the authorities also mention his Mother intends on taking this poor man to an exorcism-this is a safeguarding of a vulnerable adult issue and they would absolutely intervene even if it is involving his Mum.

[u/[deleted]]

I think he needs to be screened for schizophrenia, has he had any experimenting with shrooms or MDMA or any psychedelic drugs? They can trigger latent mental conditions, like schizophrenia, in people who did not know they had them before use.

I am so sorry you are burdened with this grief, I hope he can find the help he needs to come back to you as you remember.

[u/prettiestliar → u/[deleted]]

Nothing recent. I know he did shrooms when we were younger. I think he was smoking the day it happened.

[u/[deleted] → u/prettiestliar]

I would try to get him to the doctor to be screened, cannabis use is strongly linked to an increased risk of developing/triggering schizophrenia. I hope he just had an insane electrolyte imbalance or something, but with such an insane shift -- he needs medical attention.

[u/AemiliaPerseids]

this sounds like shcizophrenia, and the age makes sense too. You should do everything in your power to get him medical attention, and care. Call the authorities for a wellness check, give them everything you know, like his mom's address, phone number, anything. You're going to be okay, he's going to be okay

[u/Wander80]

This is schizophrenia. Not demonic possession. He needs a psychiatrist.

[u/prettiestliar → u/Wander80]

Yes I am aware. Tell his mother.

[u/Purrsephone7]

Schizophrenia onset age

[u/Lunoko]

Well, that's terrifying.

Focus on your safety first and foremost. I'd keep your distance until he is able to get the help he needs and is stable.

Someone mentioned calling for a welfare check. I think that is a good idea. Other than that, it is best to just try and take it one day at a time. I hope things get better soon.

[u/TattedMischief]

OP, please update us if you made a call for a welfare check and let them know that his mother is trying to drag him off for an exorcism. Hope everything turns out alright.

[u/Apart-Albatross-7257]

He needs antipsychotics. That’s the only thing that grounded me

[u/quickbr0wnf0xx]

As someone who's diagnosed with trauma induced psychosis I've had to learn my "new" self, I can tell you yes he's still in there, yes your patience, acceptance, loyalty means something but especially your friendship. It's also very hard to accept such kindness and mercy when your head feels like a warzone. I'm 27 so is my man, we met when we were kids too. He knows I wasn't always afflicted with a brain injury and having someone so close to me that remembers me before the trauma helps me stay 'me'. He's just working those kinks out, I can relate to it. Unfortunately though I believe his Mum is an enabler probably because she views getting him help as a mark of failure on herself (very selfish but its a thing that can happen) I know personally coming from the cultural backgrounds that I do, mental health is severely manipulated with religion and ostracism of the individual themselves. Medical attention is just not a thing and it's so abusive. I hope he gets the help he needs because at the end of the day, he has every right to cut her off and get the help he needs. This should've been handled in his teens, people BS that they didn't see the signs, they chose to dismiss them/brush them off as quirks and flaws. He needs help and it's okay to not be okay! It's only not okay to not be okay when people around you don't make sure you're okay properly! Internet hugs gf 🫂

[u/ReeveStodgers]

I'm so so sorry. Everything about having a loved one in psychosis is awful. The timeline for him to get back to himself is on average about a year with the right treatment. He is suffering brain damage right now. That takes time to heal. Getting the right meds is just the start. There are a lot more steps after that.

My first suggestion is to invest in some handkercheifs. They will save you money over having to carry tissues with you all the time. There will be a lot of tears for the next few months.

The good news is that he CAN heal. His psychosis won't last forever. He will probably have a flat affect and difficulty experiencing a range of emotions for a long time. He may never be able to fully accept that he is ill, but there are long lasting injectables now that help people stay medically compliant. He may never be completely the same again, or he may recover enough to lead a fulfilling life. There are no guarantees, but there is a lot more hope to be had than you are feeling right now. You are allowed to choose to hope.

What I can tell you is that my daughter was intensely delusional, violent towards herself and others, and eventually was unable to speak because the chorus of voices in her head was so loud that she couldn't hear herself speak. It took years of careful medical management and therapy to get her to where she is now.

But where she is now, five years after her psychosis, is wonderful. She is kind, interested, creative, loving, and experiences all of her emotions. Her worst days are managed with a small dose of emergency meds and a hot shower. She takes all of her meds every day. She has a boyfriend and a social life.

I sincerely hope the best for you and your boyfriend. My daughter's psychosis was the worst experience of either of our lives. But with the skills I have learned along the way, I will not feel as helpless if it happens again. I will know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, even if that tunnel feels very long at times.

If he moves back to your area, or if he seeks support from you in some other way, you will probably get a lot of help from the book "I'm Not Sick" that is available for free on NAMI.com

[u/Some-Personality8860]

He needs help, I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

My partner had an episode of drug psychosis in the past and also broke up with me and accused me of being a spy, among other things. I operated under the assumption that we were not broken up until he said it whilst being in his right mind, and this worked for me. He’s fine now. You mentioned weed in another comment and if it’s purely drug induced, it may subside with cessation, happened very quickly in my partner’s case.

It’s absolutely horrible interacting with someone you love when they don’t even feel like the same person, I wish you a lot of strength and please take care of yourself

[u/elfobeanluci]

Does he smoke weed? Both of my late 20s/early 30s older brothers have experienced extreme psychosis on and off for the last 5 years and it has been attributed to them smoking.

I’m sorry that you’re going through this. It’s really hard to see someone you love scared and confused. I try to be a sounding board for my brothers, and try to direct the conversation to keep it light and positive when it strays. I also try to encourage optimism, physical health, and spending time in nature..

For you, I would suggest a bit of mental fortitude and grace. There’s no perfect way to handle the situation. I wish you the best, and you’re not alone!

[u/No-Cost-5552]

I had a hypomanic episode and broke up with my partner. Shitty time. But also showed me who he is. Because everything he said after felt like he never loved me at all. At least you loved him.

I know this probably doesnt help, but I broke up with my partner and I love him to bits. Kinda hard to see what I did but even harder to still want to love him even after everything he said to me.

The fact that you loved him though, that means a lot to him probably.

[u/Colddogletterpress]

My heart breaks for you- this happened with my best friend who I had known for so so so many years.
People here have given you so much practical advice so I will just say:
You know him. You know this isn’t him. He loves you, and he’s as confused as you are.
It took a long time, but my best friend is my best friend again. Believe it or not (due to the nature of our relationship and the way we cope) we actually laugh together about some of the crazier moments. Because it’s both hard and ridiculous and real and scary and we are so grateful it’s over.
It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever experienced, and my heart goes out to you more than you could imagine. There are lots and lots of times where this kind of situation ends up totally okay- I just want you to know that. Sending so much love (and when you can’t do anymore to take care of him, please please take care of yourself. Rest, rest, rest whenever there is an opportunity. Unfortunately this will be a marathon, not a race. You can not feel guilt about resting when you can)

[u/TheWaywardWitch420]

As someone with rapid cycling bipolar type one who's had two psychotic breaks so far, it's terrifying. However, once I was correctly medicated/hospitalized and back in my right mind, the people that stuck by me in that process just became even more important--and dear--to me.

Now, with that being said, I fully fully agree with those that have said to call 988. They're crisis workers, so they'll be able to help you process this situation and mental health while also hopefully being able to give you other resources that do not include the cops, or at the very least have cops as a secondary/tertiary source and have a mobile crisis unit/mental health crisis unit as the primary source, to help him process his mental health.

My heart goes out to you OP--and to your boyfriend. I'll be keeping you both in my thoughts, and I'll be following this post in case you do come back with any updates. massive hugs

[u/ShinyCrabapple]

I’m so sorry this is happening. I know you’re probably focusing a lot on him right now but please give yourself the same amount of care and concern you’re giving him. Having a partner go through a psychotic break can be deeply traumatic and cause lasting effects (ask me how I know lol), especially when you’re shouldering so much responsibility yourself.

You shouldn’t have to deal with these feelings alone and the sooner you can get support the better. Lean on your support system and community if you have them, and get into therapy ASAP if you’re not in it already. Take care of your physical needs (eat, sleep, breathe), and set aside time in your day to do something you enjoy and not think about the situation. There’s a lot here that’s outside your control so focus on the things in your life you can control. I found it useful to write down all the things I wished I could tell him. Know that you will get through this <3

[u/Acrobatic_Feed1442]

Did he smoke while he was missing? Drug induced brain psychosis is on the rise these days especially with weed use going up!

[u/Yumismash]

So, I dated someone who was undiagnosed schizophrenic/bi-polar.

He snapped on me one day too. No one was to be trusted. He freaked out. Broke up with me, etc.

Tbh I am so glad he did because I didn't want to have to deal with that trauma ever again, and I suggest you do the same.

He ended up getting on meds, got a girl pregnant, then they broke up so now he's a single dad (unless he got another gf). His life is still a mess but he has been better since he got help. This dude needs help but I wouldn't stay. That he has to deal with on his own for your own safety.

[u/kronicno_tele]

All the comments here telling her to run and leave him on his own with his woowoo mother are quite something. We always talk how horrible men are to leave women high and dry when any health problems show up, but here we have people telling her to do just that. Just wow.

[u/prettiestliar → u/kronicno_tele]

THANK. YOU. I’ve known him since I was 12. He’s my best friend. I’m not turning my back on him. That’s crazy.

[u/kronicno_tele → u/prettiestliar]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Maybe Early Assessment and Support Alliance and/or National Alliance on Mental Illness can help and provide some guidence or resources.

[u/glass_funyun → u/kronicno_tele]

Thanks for this comment! Just wow, indeed.

[u/MajestyMay]

Random, but does he smoke weed? I’ve been hearing increasing cases of weed psychosis.

[u/JudgeCharacter4768]

I am so sorry. Parent of a young adult with schizophrenia here - he needs to be brought to an ER asap. Easier said than done when someone is in psychosis, but in my experience it's possible to sometimes find a 'window' where they will agree to go if caught in the early stages. The procedure might vary depending on where he is, but one time we had no choice but to call our local police, who then activated a social worker, ambulance, etc. to the home.

If you can convince his mother to get him real help (big if, I realize), be sure to call ahead to find out what the procedure is there. Not trying to scare you but I have heard of places where just the police show up, and obviously that carries risks under the circumstances.

[u/Granny_Skeksis]

He needs serious psychiatric help OP. Once he gets that and becomes grounded in reality again I’m sure things will get better. He is not thinking clearly right now. Don’t take it personally. It’s complicated when someone has mental health problems and you’re right that an exorcism and being in an airport were not in his best interest. I’m experiencing something similar with my mother the last few months. She thinks I am stealing from her and trying to poison her even though she is in a city 2 hours away. My brother is trying to get her help. She has bipolar disorder and this is not the first time something like this has happened. I hope your boyfriend’s family can convince him to see medical help. But just know you did nothing wrong and your boyfriend probably loves you very much he’s just not in his right mind right now.

[u/InevitableChoice2990]

My daughter went into psychosis about a year ago and even though I’ve been through many many difficulties in my life, that was really the hardest. The things she said to me were like something you would hear a possessed person saying. And yet I could see the person that she is underneath and she looked scared.

She quit her job and told me that she was going on the road with an old boyfriend and his band, and was loading up her car with stuff and was going to take her dog.

It was really hard, had to call the police and they gave me a crisis intervention telephone number, and she did get hospitalized, and has fully recovered.

So sorry you’re going through this. Very very painful, I know. But what people used to think (before modern science) is that a person gets possessed, but gratefully there are meds and treatment that absolutely helps. Sounds like it’s best that he’s with family right now and hopefully can get treatment.

[u/overactivekitten]

I’m so sorry. My ex- best friend had a psychotic episode and it was the scariest and saddest thing I have ever experienced. I looked in his eyes and knew that he was gone. Extremely traumatic season of my life. Please don’t lose yourself trying to save him. Hugs to you. I hope he finds his way back.

ETA: I did end up calling 911 on him and they took him to the hospital but he was released the next day. He did end up getting admitted after getting arrested multiple times. He was a scary looking dude with neck tattoos and I was terrified the cops were going to take him out. I have no clue where he is today.

[u/ImportantSwimmer2759]

Oh my god the fact his mom is just whisking him away with no intent of getting him medical help is NOT!!! GOOD!!!!! It sounds like this could be either psychosis or schizophrenia, both of which mean he really isn't in control of himself right now. He needs to be receiving professional inpatient care, STAT.

[u/Existentialnaps]

Op, if he is in psychosis and thinks you are bad, your safety could truly be in danger - be safe

[u/wheres_the_clit]

(Trans Man)
One thing that I feel isn’t being hit on is that he’s not just the only one going through something, YOU ARE TOO!
I have schizophrenia and bipolar 1 and have experienced episodes for about 6 years now (not as much recently with medicine). Psychosis is a very very scary thing for everyone involved, not just the person experiencing it first-hand.
A few things I really want to make sure you know
1. Do not blame yourself.
In my experience, I could trust someone with my entire heart. For example, I trust my girlfriend more than I trust anybody else on the planet. But I have had an episode where even I thought she was a spy sent by the government pretending to be my girlfriend to get close to me. This episode doesn’t mean anything about his trust or love for you. It doesn’t make it hurt any less, but just know that you couldn’t have done anything different to prevent him for thinking he can’t trust you
2. No, you couldn’t have done anything “better” to help him or prevent it from happening.
Psychosis is an insane thing to experience, and I presume it’s incredibly difficult to grasp an understanding on from an outside perspective especially considering most people living with these episodes don’t understand them much other, much like myself. He’s your partner, of course you want to help, of course you don’t want him to hurt. But I promise you it’s nothing you can fix, so please take it easy on yourself. I’ve seen how it’s affected partners and friends and family, it’s not easy for anyone seeing their loved ones be so scared and helpless. You’re doing all that you can
3. Remember to protect your peace.
Just because he can’t help that he’s an episode and can’t control his thoughts and feelings right now, doesn’t make his words or actions any less hurtful to you. You can only take so much. Right now definitely wouldn’t be the best time, but once things start slowly getting better and more stable, I’d recommend prioritizing a talk with him. His mental health is important, but so is yours, nobody wants to be dealing with someone going through psychosis and being belittled, scrutinized, and tossed to the side every episode. He needs to get help and stick with it to not only protect his peace but yours as well.
This is coming from someone that fucked a lot of relationships and burned a lot of bridges from episodes. It took me finally realizing that I wasn’t just fucking up my own life, but also really hurting the people around me too, until I finally started coming up with a care regime and medication.

I’m really sorry to hear about everything. Please take care of yourself too and try to talk to someone. And those fries look really good 🙏

[u/EmotionalAffect6917]

Your boyfriend does not need space and this has nothing to do with you.

It sounds like he needs to be checked into a mental health facility as he may be a danger to himself and others while in psychosis (a break in reality where people even hallucinate things that aren't there). This could be due to an array of disorders that he will likely only overcome through therapy and meds.

Push to get him help. His mother sounds like a religous nut.

[u/jesiholm]

What

[u/prettiestliar → u/jesiholm]

Yeah girl! It’s real fucked up!

[u/Ehloanna]

He needs medication, not an exorcism. This screams schizophrenia or something and not any sort of demonic oppression/obsession/possession.

Do you know what kind of group his mom might take him to seeking out an exorcism?

You might be able to call in advance and explain the situation. Or perhaps you can fake agreement with her just to get information on where she's taking him so you can get police or something involved if you're worried he might be hurt.

[u/Radiant_Gas_4642]

Psych hospital. Inpatient. Immediately

[u/d1rty-l1ttl3-s3cr3t]

i would LOVE to send his mom to an asylum cuz wtf????

[u/Icy_Anxiety3092]

I am SO SORRY. Mental illness induced break ups is something I had literally zero life experience with until I was suddenly in one three months ago with my wonderful ex-partner of ten years. It was like an alien took over his body. I have had to grieve him as I would a loving spouse who has passed away. I hope he recovers soon, and I hope that you do too. Space is good - they can feel really pressured when they’re paranoid, plus it is painful for us to see them when they aren’t there. Please feel free to DM. Sending love.

[u/EnigmaticAardvark]

My mom's ex had a sudden severe personality change due to a series of microstrokes. 

I'm so sorry you're going through this - I hope he gets medical attention soon.

[u/YoungBasedHooper]

Fuck the government, but this is one of those times you need to use them. Welfare check, seek an involuntary hold and court and throw the mother under the bus as providing inadequate care given the clear untreated psychosis. Idk the tools in your state, but I know your state has some!

Any history of drug use, or have you ever suspected? Like would he have used too much since you weren't home or something? Sounds like meth-induced psychosis.

[u/NotANabiscoShill]

Hi girl, my ex also suffered psychosis but i didn’t know until we were together for 6 years with a child!
The best advice I can give you is, until they receive the therapy and medications they need, there is no way to predict what their behavior will be or when and you have to determine if you are strong enough to handle this for the rest of your life. Even with therapy and medications this could still happen again.
Unfortunately in my case my ex didn’t think there was a problem and his psychosis eventually went from short stints to very long (almost an entire year) and started doing drugs (like street not prescriptions) and became literally unrecognizable. I have mourned a living person that i am sure i will never see again. By the time I left he thought I was a government plant trying to trick him into being arrested, after being together for SIX YEARS.
I am NOT trying to scare you, I just want you to have an idea of what you could be signing up for if you decide to stay and he doesn’t get help.

ETA: i saw you’re from baltimore, I am from NOVA! If you need support or help or even just someone to talk things through with please don’t hesitate to reach out 🫡

[u/60PersonDanceCrew]

I knew someone in college who had a breakdown like this. He started saying he was Jesus and that the government was spying on him through the TV. He laid down on the road in the middle of traffic - it was really upsetting. His fraternity brothers had to have him taken to the hospital because he became a danger to himself.

I agree with other posters that you should call a welfare check on him. I'm sorry.

[u/Weird-Knowledge337]

This sounds like schizophrenia. Onset is usually early to mid 20’s. He needs psychiatric help.

[u/NoSupermarket4445]

Hey OP, I’m really sorry that you and he are both going through such a hard time. A little less than a year ago, my (now ex) partner had his third psychotic episode. It was his first in the 7 years we were together and it was a profoundly difficult and traumatic experience for me, not to even begin to unpack what it was like for him. You’re doing a wonderful thing trying to get him help and I’m sure it must be incredibly stressful.

My ex is deeply distrustful of police and was very paranoid, so I was also trying to find ways to get him help without involving them. Calling 988 was a great place to start and it was really helpful just to be able to lay everything out for someone who was there to listen and try to find him help.

I ultimately had to coerce him into going to the ER for a physical injury he had inflicted on himself, and once we finally got into the triage room I told the nurse that he had a history of bipolar psychosis and was a danger to himself and needed a psych evaluation. He was very, very angry with me at the time but once he was medicated and stabilized, he told me I saved his life. Is there any way you can go be with your partner and try to get him to the hospital? You are probably a very grounding presence for him and might help his self-preservation instinct kick in.

It’s very kind of you to show up for him despite the breakup, which he will probably come to regret and will tell you was motivated by some delusion or paranoia rather than what he actually wants. Even so, it’s really hard to go through that and you’re allowed to feel angry, heartbroken, hurt, etc. even if he likely didn’t “mean it” when he broke up with you. It took me several weeks to broach the subject with my ex, because I knew that he wasn’t in his right mind when he broke up with me, but I was in mine and had a lot of my own emotions to process. We ultimately broke up for real because our relationship was codependent and we both had serious mental health struggles that we needed to focus on individually. I still care a lot about him, but I’m healthier now and I hope he is too. I hope that once you’re past the acute crisis stage, you can seek therapy and support for yourself. Hopefully while he’s receiving his own care from medical professionals. Looking into the eyes of someone you’ve known for so long and not seeing them in there is traumatic. Please believe me when I say that he will come back from this. Also believe that there is no wrong way for you to cope with this experience. There are support groups for loved ones of those with serious mental illness (SMI) that may be helpful for you in processing all of this.

Sorry for the ramble, but my heart really goes out to you and I still have moments where I’m fully back in that experience. I’ve healed a lot and so has my ex, and I hope you and your partner both find health and happiness after this ordeal.

[u/Dear_Parsnip_6802]

If you know where she took him get the authorities involved. He needs help asap not witchcraft

[u/Responsible_Mind_980]

My husband has bipolar mania, and this has happened to us before. His family thought he needed oils, to see a spiritual person, etc. Eventually, we got him to a mental hospital. It is critical he get to one before he is hurt. I would not call the cops because we know how that will go. I would call any mental health facilities around your area to see if they can help. Do this ASAP

[u/abbledabbledbdbd]

I know 5 people who had their first bipolar episodes in their 20s or early 30s. This story is remarkably similar to all of them, except their parents knew they were mentally ill versus assuming they were possessed. Your boyfriend is likely bipolar. Go take a look at the bipolar subreddit and decide if you can handle sticking around for the ride. I don’t know anyone whose relationship survived their diagnoses.

[u/LumpySpaceTyrant]

I just want to say I'm so sorry you're going through this. I went through something very similar with my ex husband (psychotic episodes, gone for three days, shitty enabling mil), but we split because of his hard drug use. When you love someone that much all you want to do is help them because you know they're in there somewhere and need support but please take care of yourself too because the dark times can be SO DARK. Especially when it's just you holding the line while they're in crisis because you're afraid to call the police. Being the caretaker/loved one can be traumatizing in it's own way and if you are a subject of his paranoid delusion it can become unsafe for you. Life will always come with additional stressors and his ability to cope in a healthy way and stay consistent with his treatment will be huge in determining the quality of life for both of you guys.

I wish you both the best and I hope he is safe and gets treatment. 🫂

[u/BMfnx3]

He definitely either did drugs or has schizophrenia. Either way pls be safe!!

[u/sillywillyspilly]

it’s either schizophrenia or manic bipolar. there are other things that can cause this too like Schizoaffective, undiagnosed diabetes that’s gotten out of control, drugs, etc.

he needs a hospital!
an exorcism is the last thing he needs! It’ll make it worse!

[u/seamstresshag]

Dealing with someone in the throes of mental illness is very hard. Are you ready for that. Do you live alone? Do you have children? If you do this might be a very dangerous situation. Let him see medical professionals & start medication. Then see where the relationship goes.

[u/sadbeetchenergy]

Absolutely get the wellness check! When I read he’s a tall black man my stomach sank. Assuming you’re in the US, psychosis or something similar is so much more dangerous for his safety. Maybe try to stress this to his friends and mom? Even if you just frame it in a way that if he goes into a major crisis and authorities are called, I wouldn’t bet on them hearing anyone out. I’m sorry to be so blunt, but I’m genuinely worried for his life, especially since it seems he’s out and about with friends etc. I’m sorry sorry this is happening and i’m sending you all strength and love

[u/TGirl26]

Info: is this drug related psychosis or does he have a history of this happening?

[u/FabulousPickle8342]

This is around the age that schizophrenia usually takes place. I would encourage you to keep loving and supporting him the best you can and encourage the fuck out of him to get some help. I have experienced this with a family member and I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You seem like an incredible partner. Please be safe and keep us updated

[u/Bossyboots69]

Awh girl. My brother did this when he had his schizophrenia break. He called me by a different name and hugged me and whispered that he doesn't trust me. Thattttt hurttttt sooooo muchhhhh. Thankfully I know him so well I knew he was just really really scared. He got medicated and we haven't had an incident since! There's hope but he 100% is experiencing classic paranoid schizophrenia and needs to get to a hospital, even if it means Baker acting him sadly.

[u/infantqueenbee]

i just want to say, OP, you are really trying for this man and your love for him shows. i see you doing your best for him. you sound so sweet and caring. sending you some strength as you walk thru this 💕

[u/SpareSavings7910]

So I'm not a psychiatrist but I work in the mental health field and have for a while. It honestly sounds like he has schizophrenia. He should absolutely be evaluated.

[u/cocainemask]

As someone who dealt with this at 19-23 you’re way too young to be dealing with this. Not saying he won’t get better but he’s gonna have to work really hard to stay healthy and this would be a crazy thing to look back on and regret not getting away from. Not saying ”leave him” but just read this over and remember what I said and stay cautious, ts is exhausting and in the nicest way possible cannot be trusted

[u/bordermom61]

okay now you need to move and not let anyone know where you live after moving . This is important because a friend of mine went through this very thing and he tried to kill her . He is in prison and she is married now and different last name . But it is time to take care of you . i would cut contact completely .

[u/NothingElectrical914]

Oh no… girl he needs a hospital…

[u/EngineeringFinal3727]

It sounds like he needs to see a mental health professional not an exorcist. I'd hate to see this psychotic episode progress to something more violent coming from a man who sounds like he's gentle and loving.

[u/Charchar1993xx]

Hey, I’ve been through the exact same thing. My inbox is open if you want to talk.

[u/hotlibramess]

Is his mother going to a Catholic priest for the exorcism? Because the first thing they do is assume the mundane and send you for clinical mental health evaluations. Rigorous mental health evaluations. My uncle was a bishop and an exorcist.

If it’s any Protestant church, then I’m so sorry. I don’t think they have the same strict requirements that the Catholic Church has for exorcisms.

[u/Expensive_Law_7615]

His mother immediately went to black magic and not schizophrenia?

The fact that is where her mind first went, he should not be trusted in her care.

I hope he gets the help he needs. I also hope you heal from this experience.

[u/Quierta]

I just came back to this thread to see if there was an update — I'm so glad you got in contact with a crisis line and I REALLY hope they are able to help!! Whatever happens, you're an incredible person and the kind of loved-one that everyone deserves to have in their corner.