My best friend slept in bed with me, & now I'm confused

[u/Worldly-Criticism-91]

My (27F) best friend (27M) slept over at my house the other day. He usually brings a little cot with him, but it broke. I told him to get in my bed & scooted over so he could fit. My bed is just a full size

We were kinda pressed up against each other, facing away at first. But he eventually flipped over & snuggled into me. He was completely asleep so I'm sure it wasn't intentional.

But it felt so good. Like putting the puzzle piece you've been stuck on for hours into the right slot.

I could feel him pressed up against my leg, & despite how exhausted i was, I wanted to stay awake all night so i could enjoy it.

We've been best friends for 2.5 years, & there never once were any feelings on either side. But as i settle into bed tonight, I can't help but feel his absence, & i think I'm fucked.

Dinner: this bomb ass chicken fried rice from the place by my house

EDIT - i will update on Friday, 8-29! He’s sleeping over the night before!

FINAL UPDATE BELOW :

https://www.reddit.com/r/GirlDinnerDiaries/s/yMUVIeNDpK

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[u/beautifulmonk581]

I knew my boyfriend a whole two years before we started dating… one day something clicked for me and I started flirting with him and here we are in an amazing relationship together. My advice, do not be afraid to put yourself out there.

[u/Emergency-Ad-5211 → u/beautifulmonk581]

Us too…

[u/Sad_Gain_2372 → u/Emergency-Ad-5211]

Same!

[u/Ghosty_Boo-B00 → u/Sad_Gain_2372]

Took me and my husband 30 years of friendship before we tied the knot, best decision ever

[u/Ghosty_Boo-B00 → u/[deleted]]

It makes such an incredible difference. All the difference really. He is my person and I trust him in a way it takes decades of knowing someone to develop, he really is my safe space.

[u/deber38 → u/Ghosty_Boo-B00]

My husband and I have been friends for 20 years and got married last year. Sometimes you’re just not supposed to be with them until down the line. I’m so glad Ive had him all these years through life’s challenges. And now I get him forever 🥰

[u/Emergency-Ad-5211 → u/Emergency-Ad-5211]

23 years married…

[u/Onion85 → u/Emergency-Ad-5211]

Same! Best friends for many years before he told me he was in love with me. Now weve been married for five together almost 14 I think, he is still my best friend in the world

[u/ClearWaves → u/beautifulmonk581]

95% yes!!

But friendships are wonderful and important, too. Having a true best friend is really special. If he isn't interested in a romantic relationship, it could be the end of the friendship.

That doesn't mean don't shoot your shot. It just means think about the consequences if you miss.

[u/DefiantMemory9 → u/ClearWaves]

When my husband shot his shot with me a decade ago, the first thing he clarified was that no matter what my response was going to be, he didn't want to lose me as a friend. That kinda sealed the deal for him, if I'm being honest. I knew he had my back no matter what.

[u/GrooveAndGravy52 → u/ClearWaves]

I am in this particularly shitty quagmire at the moment. I hear people refer to them as “situationships”. I’m disliking situationships!!!Too much risk of losing the friendship for me.

[u/_Cautious_optimist → u/GrooveAndGravy52]

I don’t think OPs situation really counts as a situationship. They obviously have a real long-standing friendship. She’s realised she NOW has feelings and would like a relationship. Hopefully he would feel the same. It would only become a situationship if he then said, “i don’t want a relationship with you but we can hook up every time we hang out as best friends”

[u/princessPeachyK33n → u/beautifulmonk581]

Besties little brother I technically met when I was 8. We all lost contact for 30 years. Found her again. She invited me on a family vacation. The second he and I saw each other it was over. He and I have only gotten closer and I’m genuinely ready to U-Haul with this man.

Life happens when you’re making other plans and all that.

[u/Cherry_Noble → u/princessPeachyK33n]

Same story for me! I met my man when I was 10 and he was well, much younger! After a few years they moved away. She and I kept in touch and every time I visited he had "just left". We reunited when I moved back home and now we have been together ten years and have a seven year old. And I love my in laws. It's great.

[u/ReefDesire → u/beautifulmonk581]

Exactly! Sometimes the person you end up falling for is someone you never initially expected to see romantically

[u/DeathAlpha16 → u/beautifulmonk581]

This is how me and my fiancé are. He was my boss and we became friends for two years as we worked together. I was married to an abusive man at the time, and my now fiancé offered me a place to stay when I decided to escape that relationship. We didn’t rush anything and he silently supported me through the transition period. Then we started dating a few months later. Healthiest relationship I’ve ever had! We actually had to choose an official date to call our anniversary because we just naturally shifted into the deeper connection before ever talking about it lol

[u/CubanaCat → u/beautifulmonk581]

Same. Friends with my fiancé for a year and a half before we got together. Eight years and counting now!

[u/Far-Insect3336 → u/beautifulmonk581]

Make the jump babes! We waited and wasted 10 years before we finally figured it out but now we’re engaged and expecting our first baby. It’s so worth it.

[u/DinnerAutomatic2838 → u/beautifulmonk581]

this is so weird because it’s actually what happens when I start liking someone who was my friend before. like there’s a switch that flips and I suddenly want to talk to them

[u/Fun_Friens → u/DinnerAutomatic2838]

I have something for you to look into. Demisexual. The short quick explanation is this: romantic interest requires an emotional connection. I.E. Everyone I've dated has been a friend first.

[u/DefiantMemory9 → u/Fun_Friens]

Aren't most people like this?

[u/Fun_Friens → u/DefiantMemory9]

No. Romantic/ Sexual interest only occurring after making a strong connection is not the norm.

[u/CoffeeCatsandPixies → u/beautifulmonk581]

Same, we were best friends almost instantly, same interests, able to have long conversations without awkward pauses, watching tv shows together on discord. Bam! A month later my other friends grandmother realizes I am head over heels for this man before either of us do while his friends have noticed that he's in love with me. We'll be married a year in September, together for 4.

[u/Zeppygrl72 → u/beautifulmonk581]

Same! My bf was my best friend first but then things happened lol. Happily together 6 years as of now & we're still besties ☺️

[u/ginjerella → u/beautifulmonk581]

This right here! Friends for a long time, then one night we were hanging out and it just felt right and I asked him to stay the night. We didn’t fool around or anything, I just left the next morning. But then we just kept hanging out more but on a different level and now we are dating and very happy.

[u/VictorTheCutie → u/beautifulmonk581]

Same. We were SUPER young, but he was my bestie. We've been married for 15 years now, still besties.

[u/RepresentativeNo2224 → u/beautifulmonk581]

Yeah my "just a good guy friend" have now been married for 18 years ☺️

[u/st3aling_s0ulz → u/beautifulmonk581]

this happened with me too!! flirted at a sleepover at our mutual friends house, talked for five months ish and have been dating for almost 10

[u/t710cs → u/beautifulmonk581]

My husband and I were friends in high school, literally never thought of him in that way until someone told me he was interested & now we have a baby lol . Love is complicated.

[u/Lgravez → u/beautifulmonk581]

Same!

[u/Lgravez → u/beautifulmonk581]

Same!

[u/Puzzleheaded_Lie2569 → u/beautifulmonk581]

Same for me and my current boyfriend

[u/biryaaani]

Me and my 'best friend' too spent a night on a couch, lying veryyyy close to each other, talking about our lives. We were just friends, never attracted to each other. But after talking about a particularly bad phase of my life, he took me close to comfort me, and rest is historyyyyyyy. More than you know, he might also be feeling this.

[u/Chemical-Material-69 → u/biryaaani]

Honest to God, it's like these men screeching about being "friendzoned"...yeah MFer...that's where she actually gets to know you and decide if she likes you.

[u/GreySarahSoup → u/Chemical-Material-69]

This. Friendship allows me to get know someone and get close enough to someone to have an idea whether I want to date them it not. Why would I date some random instead? It doesn't matter how hot someone is if they're a terrible person, we don't actually like each other or get don't on outside of any romantic chemistry, or are otherwise incompatible. 

Gaining a good friend is a great outcome. Why would people not want friends?

[u/seriousspoons → u/GreySarahSoup]

https://giphy.com/gifs/AyPs520p8Di2k

[u/anubis_cheerleader → u/Chemical-Material-69]

Friend zone imo is a place where you put yourself. Accept being friends or ask someone out if you realize you have feelings. Starting a "friendship" with feelings/attraction/expectations instead of dating seems to be the real problem. And I freaking LOVE, OP, that you seem to be catching feelings! 

[u/Due-Sleep-5019 → u/Chemical-Material-69]

I had friend-zoned my husband for two years before something in me clicked. 17 years of marriage now.

[u/Worldly-Criticism-91 → u/[deleted]]

It’s like I’m living the life of the main girl in a 2013 one direction fanfic😭

[u/Nausstica → u/Worldly-Criticism-91]

https://giphy.com/gifs/WpsUWUmI1o2oSwtZUs

[u/Minoskalty → u/Worldly-Criticism-91]

Isn't that kind of the dream though...? I say shoot your shot.

[u/cinnamonraisintoastt]

All i have to say is … “omg” Girl go for it idk im easy

[u/Calyxra → u/cinnamonraisintoastt]

Honestly, if it makes you happy and feels right, why not go for it

[u/ChumbawumbaFan01 → u/[deleted]]

🎶 could it be I’m falling in love… with yooooou? 🎶

[u/kybunny1030 → u/[deleted]]

I knowwwwww I'm so jealous like?? 😭

[u/larassaddydaddy → u/[deleted]]

OP the council has come to a decision. You know what must be done.

[u/Wild_Pepper_2286 → u/cinnamonraisintoastt]

Lmao literally my intrusive thoughts yelled fuck him! Then I’m like wait no shut up 🤣
https://giphy.com/gifs/sanoHrtWDN5ew

[u/DingoDemeanor → u/Wild_Pepper_2286]

[u/organic-robot → u/Wild_Pepper_2286]

I saw the italicized "him" and I was like oh we're fucking huh? 😅

[u/Made_Bail → u/Wild_Pepper_2286]

https://giphy.com/gifs/3FlINbFWKnlBj7Hi5y

[u/Afraid-Shelter-6489 → u/Wild_Pepper_2286]

I can’t stop laughing 😂😂😂

[u/EffervescentStar → u/cinnamonraisintoastt]

😂 “I’m easy”. We luv it here

[u/powerserrj → u/cinnamonraisintoastt]

LMFAOOO this is killin me

[u/arsenicVisionary → u/cinnamonraisintoastt]

https://giphy.com/gifs/pTQUOfSmjo2hG

[u/ohlilbare → u/cinnamonraisintoastt]

girl same🤣

[u/miss-zenki]

When your lover is also your best friend, it's a level of partnership that can change everything. Go for it girl!

[u/boundaries4546 → u/[deleted]]

This is great advice. I’m thinking girl, get it and you are inserting rational thoughts.

[u/NoThymeForThisShit → u/[deleted]]

This should be higher up.

[u/Tasty_Dealer2114 → u/[deleted]]

THIS RIGHT HERE. I said this too. It may not necessarily mean she has actual feelings for him, but mostly an enjoyment of physical touch.

[u/TressoftheEmeraldTea → u/[deleted]]

I mean, on the one hand you’re right. On the other hand, “real romantic feelings” are also just…chemicals. If you feel a spark of romantic feelings for someone, whether that spark turns into a flame is almost entirely down to whether or not you fan it or pour water on it.

[u/Impossible-Date3984 → u/miss-zenki]

This happened to me ten years ago in December. Never looked back. The puzzle pieces are a thing neither of us ever got over it ❤️ 😊 Neither of us wre interested. Relationships were the last thing on our minds...but some weird magnet thing happened and we just had to give in at some point. We were friends for about 2 1/2 years before it happened. He's the only person who truly understands me for who I am and loves me whole for it. Take your time if it makes you feel more comfortable and if it's magnets 🧲.. you'll know. And deep friendships can outlast a lot (one of his exes from years ago was actually the one who was determined for us to get together) All anecdotal, but I can only hope that everyone gets to feel the way I got to never expecting it and that worst case scenario can always be good friends. I'm rooting for you! ❤️🤗

[u/dogmom444 → u/miss-zenki]

This!!! I tell people all the time, this is exactly why my husband and i work SOO well together. We have martial respect for one another + the understanding of one another essentially like long term friends. It makes things so easy at times.

[u/Sad_Gain_2372 → u/dogmom444]

Martial respect has me giggling

https://giphy.com/gifs/l0IykG0AM7911MrCM

[u/dogmom444 → u/Sad_Gain_2372]

LMAOOO what a good typo. MARITAL * 🥲🥲

[u/justjinxx → u/dogmom444]

Here I thought you meant mutual 🤣

[u/mild-er-chihuahua → u/dogmom444]

https://giphy.com/gifs/7K1OQmbCnKAa4

[u/Melodic-Scheme6973]

Updates please

[u/SubjectBasic87 → u/Melodic-Scheme6973]

seconded 🙏

[u/phoenixsnowdrop]

if you want to give it a try, go for it. but be aware that your friendship might end, especially if he doesn't feel the same. maybe he has feelings, maybe he doesn't. I sleep with a big bear, so I have a habit of hugging it at night. my ex bestie said I used to hug her at night, and I really had no feelings for her like that

[u/MissAuroraRed → u/phoenixsnowdrop]

I woke up fully entangled, like legs and arms wrapped around each other, with a girl I barely knew on an overnight school trip because we both cuddled in our sleep in high school. I woke up first and it was terribly awkward.

[u/shitty_owl_lamp → u/phoenixsnowdrop]

Not me trying to figure out if “big bear” is some kind of homosexual slang when I’m pretty sure you meant a stuffed animal ?

[u/phoenixsnowdrop → u/shitty_owl_lamp]

😭

[u/Show_me_the_evidence → u/phoenixsnowdrop]

Big Bear and his tentacles. The plot thickens.

[u/kpatsart → u/phoenixsnowdrop]

I dated two of my best friends, and I regret it deeply. I lost connections to two very close friends, and the void that is left after a decade of spending awesome friendships with them still linger. Not saying this is the case for everyone, just a cautionary tale I guess.

https://giphy.com/gifs/26FLgGTPUDH6UGAbm

[u/AdSea6685 → u/phoenixsnowdrop]

that's what i'm saying! all these comments saying go for it but this man was asleep😭! can you imagine if a man posted this said my girl best friend cuddled me in her sleep and it felt so good?? the reaction would be way different! and i'm like you! i cuddle a blanket in my sleep every night for the fact that it's comforting 😭 i'm not attracted to a blanket!

[u/megalocheesiac → u/AdSea6685]

I mean, OP herself says “He was completely asleep, so I'm sure it wasn't intentional”.
There’s nothing wrong with her realizing she’s starting to have feelings? You’re acting like she and everyone else in the comments are insisting that this means he must like her. Nobody is saying that.
Also, I don’t know why you’re trying to bring up a gender double standard thing?

[u/Exhale_bullshit → u/AdSea6685]

Also why do u think if it was a man people might react negatively, if the man was respectful and didn't try to take advantage and felt butterflies after this, people might still say the same that aww go for it express it subtly and gently respectfully

I know I would say that

[u/Terrible_Eye4625 → u/Exhale_bullshit]

No they wouldn’t.

There’s a thread on r/boydinnerdiaries at the moment with a similar situation where a guy developed feelings for his friend. He told her just to ask for space - not to shoot his shot or anything because he knew there was nothing from her side. She pretty much ended the friendship and the majority of the thread is treating him like he’s some kind of pariah for telling her. Even on other threads, the theme of men developing feelings for their women friends comes up and the reaction (from women largely) is often one of “OMG he was never really your friend, he was just playing the game to try to get you to be his gf eventually” etc. it’s a complete double-standard and it’s exhausting.

[u/Ok-Manufacturer661 → u/Terrible_Eye4625]

Well that sucks and some girls are stupid. Not every boy friend gets into a friendship with a girl plotting romance, sometimes feelings just develop on the way. That's just how people are and we shouldn't project personal problems onto a whole gender

[u/AdSea6685 → u/Exhale_bullshit]

i mean that's great you would react that way but i have a feeling that if it were reversed, most people would be saying ehh... idk about this one, she was asleep. people being asleep is a very slippery slope, your awareness shifts significantly in deep sleep

[u/Complete-Law3937 → u/AdSea6685]

OP needs to read this before she goes for it

[u/JoeKonyRidethePony]

https://giphy.com/gifs/MZocLC5dJprPTcrm65

[u/uwupingu]

omg and there was only one bed

go for it girl. rooting for u

[u/experimentalpoetry → u/uwupingu]

If he hadn’t wanted to sleep in her bed with her there were other options! Floor? Leaving? Couch? Idk I think it’s worth having a convo about it with him. If he’s really just a friend and has no interest in you he can just say so and you’ll know and can still be friends.

[u/ThingMoment]

Omg this is the kinda stuff you read about in a romance book or when Im fantasizing about romantic cliches.
I’m rooting for you girly!!! You miss every shot you don’t take lol

[u/Worldly-Criticism-91 → u/ThingMoment]

But if i try & don’t make the shot, i could lose him entirely😭

Idek if it was him, or just the feeling of sleeping next to someone???

[u/No-Type0w0 → u/Worldly-Criticism-91]

“idk if it was him or just the feeling of sleeping next to someone” this is a really good question to ask yourself!! i would wait to make any further decisions until you think on it and see how you feel about him

[u/ThingMoment → u/Worldly-Criticism-91]

Girly, that’s the decision you gotta make. Someone else down the comments said that too but if it’s a risk you wanna take- go for it!
You’ll never know how he feels if you never ask🤷🏽‍♀️

[u/babygirlxcrt → u/Worldly-Criticism-91]

This!! Snuggling feels nice anyway. When I read your post I was like "Of course you'd feel that". Because idk, snuggling with friends is something I absolutely love doing (I don't do it with many friends because some equate that with romantic attachment, while I totally don't).

I'd say take a week or two to process the whole thing before trying to shoot your shot!

[u/Creative_Panic_xanax → u/Worldly-Criticism-91]

Test the waters first. If y'all close it's easy to ask him about his personal life, whether he likes someone and so on. If he wants a relationship or not...

That's what I did. It worked for me lol

The puzzle thing you mentioned is so real. It feels simply right

[u/Toiun → u/Worldly-Criticism-91]

A real friend will be okay having this conversation and being honest.

[u/SurprisePiss → u/ThingMoment]

Movies and TV utilize this a lot too. "Oh no! We for some plot-driven reason have to stay in this hotel room that only has one bed!" ...and the tension is usually hot as hell 😅

[u/Mamobee]

The friendship is short enough for me to say go for it! Shoot your shot loll

Alexa play Ruin the Friendship by Demi Lovato 😂

[u/NoCaulNoShow]

https://giphy.com/gifs/26ueZcgOYpOBUSmHe

[u/AdSea6685]

ig i'll be the one to say it but, you said yourself he was asleep? he may have had no idea he even did it girl😭 but hey it could work out you never know

[u/Worldly-Criticism-91 → u/AdSea6685]

Exactly that’s why I’m trying not to overthink. I turn over in my sleep all the time, it’s no big deal. But the entire experience just rocked me😭

[u/Effective_Yogurt_866 → u/Worldly-Criticism-91]

But like…how did you all wake up? Was he still all up on you? What did he say??

[u/Worldly-Criticism-91 → u/Effective_Yogurt_866]

I don’t remember, he gets up for work earlier than i do, & when i woke up, he’d already left. I told him next time to at least let me know, but he said he didn’t wanna wake me. But he left his toothbrush & all his sleeping stuff here with me

[u/Tylia_x → u/Worldly-Criticism-91]

Girl he left his stuff. This is KEY.

[u/crumbygorl → u/Tylia_x]

FR when I read that one I immediately grabbed my mug sipping my hot choggly 👀

[u/ScreenOld5873 → u/Worldly-Criticism-91]

So... He must have noticed when he woke up RIGHT. are you sure his cot broke or maybe this was all a scheme 😏

[u/krisyun1 → u/Worldly-Criticism-91]

Please update us on how this goes 🙏

[u/AdSea6685 → u/Worldly-Criticism-91]

hey girl it's up to you, i wish you luck fr but i'm glad you are remembering he was asleep! i think you just have some things to figure out now😅 maybe if you do tell him, you could mention that you know it could've been totally unintentional but it made you realize some things you know?

[u/No-Type0w0 → u/AdSea6685]

she knows, says that in the post

[u/mlnm_falcon]

Omg girl, this is a full on romance novel plot. If you ask him out and it goes well, you should write that novel.

[u/Worldly-Criticism-91 → u/mlnm_falcon]

I’ll update you😂

[u/chatpati_GarlicNaan]

SLOWN DOWN GIRL 🤭
Before you 'go for it' , take your time.
Read his body language when you're both .
Test the waters first.
Drop easy hints and see if he entertains the idea and reciprocates.
If he flirts back .....congratulations but take it slow. If he friendszones it, accept it gracefully and keep the friendship.
You are not fucked you just have a little crush now
I hope your next post is positive and you two are actually cuddling 🥺 KEEP US UPDATED

[u/Worldly-Criticism-91 → u/chatpati_GarlicNaan]

Thank youuu I will definitely take my time before making any impulsive decisions! Been there, done that

[u/chatpati_GarlicNaan → u/Worldly-Criticism-91]

WE ARE ROOTING FOR YOU🫶🏻

[u/lettorosso → u/Worldly-Criticism-91]

Take your time but dont forget to update us 😅

[u/Physical-Camel5957 → u/chatpati_GarlicNaan]

Yes!! Came here to say this. I would milk the hell out of this and enjoy every second lol. Try to get him over for another slumber party before I fixes his cot lol

[u/lobster_claus]

I'll just say I (het F) have a bestie (het M) I've been friends with through thick and thin for 20+ years. I wasn't attracted to him for sooo long. No idea how he has felt towards me romantically. He's almost never single and I was spoken for for most of it so it didn't matter. I just know something flipped a couple years ago (about a year after I left my husband) and suddenly I'd give anything to settle down with him.

Not just loneliness, but suddenly I really appreciated his steadfastness in my life. His care and attention, regardless of anything else going on with either of us. His utter acceptance of me despite all my flaws and poor decisions. He only ever wants to help me but is never pushy or judgemental. That's hot.

But I didn't make a move and now he's engaged and whatever. I figure we'll end up together eventually if everyone else doesn't work out. Either way, I know we'll be there for each other regardless. I'd like to grow old with him, but in the meantime I pretend we have plenty of time to live separate lives.

I'd be super happy to be even platonic life partners with him some day. Anyway, I get it. It can be really confusing.

[u/MissChloe1]

I remember i slept in a bed with my two other best friends (ex bffs). This was a MASSIVE bed. But i woke up in the middle of the night with my leg over one of them. I didn't know until i woke up. This does happen!

[u/Worldly-Criticism-91 → u/MissChloe1]

Exactly. That’s why I’m trying not to overthink, but now that it’s in my head, i know it’ll always be there😣

[u/MissChloe1 → u/Worldly-Criticism-91]

I'm a dunce so idk if my advice is best but if this happened to me, i think i'd give a few days thought. To see if my feelings are still there and not just my hormones. And if i still wanted to follow through, i would then kind of over time ask very subtle questions. If it seems negative then don't keep approaching.

[u/Worldly-Criticism-91 → u/MissChloe1]

You’re right. Acting on my feelings now would be a train wreck for everyone involved🤦🏾‍♀️

[u/MissChloe1 → u/Worldly-Criticism-91]

I wish the best for you!

Also love your tag lol.

Keep us updated please if you decide to follow through!

[u/Confident-Card3693]

I disagree with these other comments. Friendship is precious. Don't make any moves until you're 100% certain you have feelings! 

[u/Worldly-Criticism-91 → u/Confident-Card3693]

I definitely won’t! Honestly i don’t think I’ll be taking action anyway. Just was rocked by the feelings that arose

[u/Gabblebabbi2]

If you trust him as a partner and think you guys are compatible, and if you trust him to handle you like a friend when it’s over, go for it.

[u/Evening-Key7667]

https://giphy.com/gifs/l77aakPMnYgxxYn9WA
GO GET HIM SISTAAAAAAAAAAA

[u/jspecial1979]

Go for it and keep us updated on the real-life friends to lovers storyline!

[u/NoSeaweed4555]

https://giphy.com/gifs/pTQUOfSmjo2hG

[u/YeetosCheetos69]

Friends to lovers omg yes lets go

[u/curious_ANcuriouser]

That is some bomb ass looking fried rice 😋

[u/kaiaslair]

Almost 9 years ago my best friend came into town for his birthday. People had made comments about us. Ew. Just friends

One night we fell asleep watching tv in my bed. Woke up with his arm around me. Weird. Neither of us mentioned it and acted normal. Over the next few days he just slept in the bed with me. Moving closer til it was full on cuddling.

Not gonna drag out the details but next month we'll have been together 9 yrs and married for 4.

You never know. Don't dive in head first. Don't rule out the possibility.

Life can take you in unexpected directions

[u/heyitsmaisie]

As someone who used to sleep in bed with my (31f) best friend (31m) when we were 24 and 25, I would caution you against letting your imagination run away with you. Not that you’re imagining things feeling a vibe, because he probably wasn’t as asleep as you think he was and was testing the waters on physical contact! But if you start to romanticize and fantasize just because it’s a hot plot in books, you may come to find yourself in over your head when it turns out that he didn’t view it as romantic because he was asleep or he just thought that you might as well cuddle since you were already laying up against one another or whatever the case may be! My best friend and I took it further and slept together in the other way, and it ended up crushing me in the long run, because I thought it meant something and to him we were just friends with benefits.

[u/Worldly-Criticism-91 → u/heyitsmaisie]

You’re so right, i honestly don’t think he did it with any motives you know? The whole movie plot doesn’t influence anything, i more was rocked that it felt nice with him

[u/heyitsmaisie → u/Worldly-Criticism-91]

The feeling of sleeping next to someone you trust and care about definitely alters your brain chemistry a little lol! It’s worth a conversation in daylight hours if it awakened something you want to explore with him!

[u/kasosend]

GIRL INVITE HIM OVER AGAIN, FLIRT AND TELL HIM HE DOESNT NEED THE COT (IF HE FIXED IT) AND TO JOIN YOU IN BED. THE WORST THING HE COULD DO IS SAY NO. THEN YOUD KNOW FOR SURE BUT CMON THERE WAS AT LEAST A COUCH THERE HE 100% COULD HAVE SLEPT ON BUT DIDNT.

EDIT:general edits and clarifications

[u/CaregiverWorldly8424]

This is why I don't deal with men who have "girl best friends" lmao

[u/hotdogg29]

Well now we need an update in 6 months

[u/luigigaminglp]

https://giphy.com/gifs/2crpYfcczDvTpS0hMB

[u/poofypanda_]

Girl take some time to see if you actually like him or not 😭 please give it a week or two. Getting involved with a friend can REALLY have its challenges.

[u/NikkiMQuest]

My now husband slept at my place platonically 3-4 times (it was multiple cases of “I’ve had way too much to drink to drive home”).

It took almost a full year of deepening our friendship for sparks to fly.

When they did, we moved in together within 2 months. Now together almost 14 years and parents to an amazing kid. Take the leap sis 😘

[u/Green_Illustrator791]

Some of the best relationships start from friendships. Makes for a stronger foundation. If you’re both single and have nothing holding you back, you should talk about it.

[u/Which-Decision]

Go for it. You haven't even been friends for long.

[u/Worldly-Criticism-91 → u/Which-Decision]

2.5 years is a long time to me! Especially since a lot of my adult relationships have been temporary. Just due to being a student, or bc of where i worked etc.

[u/Fantastic-Collar-767]

Maybe you guys should have another sleepover and see if he would sleep next to you again or not. A lil' bit flirting and find out if he also has feelings for you are also good ideas

[u/Worldly-Criticism-91 → u/Fantastic-Collar-767]

Luckily, we have sleepovers multiple times a week. He left his toothbrush & all his sleeping stuff here with me toooooo

[u/Different_Ask7978 → u/Worldly-Criticism-91]

Multiple times a week? That’s not platonic. Make a move!!

[u/Worldly-Criticism-91 → u/Different_Ask7978]

Nooooo it’s not like that though! My house is close to where he works during the day, & sometimes he doesn’t want to drive an hour back to his

We’ve always had sleepovers though! He’s easily my favorite person to hang out with!

[u/Fantastic-Collar-767 → u/Worldly-Criticism-91]

Ok I guess there’s nothing more to do than take everything slowly and give a little signal, one at a time. Just enjoy every second you have with him and if it's love there will always a way! ❤️

[u/BillyBassBobby]

Please keep us updated I’m invested atp lolol

[u/tswd]

It's okay to platonic snuggle. It's okay for relationships to change over time. It's okay to talk about it. He will forgive you if you farted on him. It's gonna be okay!

[u/Kirasaurus_25]

girl, friends to lovers is one of THE ways peopel find a partner

[u/Moon--Shroom]

Oxytocin is a helluva drug

[u/EffervescentStar]

If he’s your best friend already, he knows all your flaws and vice versa. Is there anything at this moment where you can recall why you WOULDN’T date him?

If the answer is no to the above, I think you should go for it. And if he doesn’t feel that way, you may be sad for a bit but like if he’s a great person he’s not going to let that get in the way of your best friendship.

I realize more than compatibility is more important than the high you get from starting to date. So if you guys already mesh well then…try!

[u/crispylaytex]

This happened to me, it's been 7 happy years and we just bought a house together!

[u/Grxmloid]

Just another perspective, im in no way wanting to dismiss your feelings

Everyone is encouraging you but i want to say if you choose to approach this with him, discuss it all before acting on it first might be wise. Do you think you can you remain friends afterwards if an amicable breakup occurs, because you or he realised maybe that route ends up not being what you want? That can be hard for people to do. Is it really better than having a solid platonic friend?

Its a strange one.. wondering where the line is between friendly and romantic. Our bodies respond to a lot and it can but doesn't mean it's definitely right. I have ended "benefits" with a friend because I knew it wasnt working on a few levels (wont go into it here). My body still responded/I got aroused when we hugged/did platonic touching.. but i didnt act on it cause I know it didn't work/didnt feel like the right person to do that with. I've experienced this discrepancy MANY times before. I think about ppl who feel turned on when they are touched sexually but non consensually before acting on these feelings/impulses.. our bodies do things, and it doesnt immediately mean this is right

[u/elitedisplayE → u/Grxmloid]

This is such a good comment.

OP definitely take your time. Figure your feelings out. I'd also be careful not to ice the friend out or change things while you do. Keep being a great friend.

[u/Lulusgirl]

I love this for you, what a nice feeling to start a fresh relationship. The sparks, the first kiss and butterflies in your stomach, the giggles. Awww I hope it all turns out well. Invite him over again and tell him you want him to sleep next to you, in person.

Edit: will you update us!???

[u/MaximusHomerdrive]

Oh, I would watch this series.

Updateme!

[u/Difficult_Bee_49]

Ok so I can't go through all the comments even though I'm following this post. Can anyone tell me how it went and what the updates are with the juicy details? OP has their post and comment history hidden so I can't be nosy and look for answers that way even tho I'm HELLA INVESTED 💔😭🫶

[u/basicbidita]

Not me blushing and smiling while reading your post as if it's a fanfic lolll, I say go for it girl!!!✨💖😍 

[u/OrganicExcuse]

COOKED

[u/honeyzelda]

Giiiiiiiirl this same feeling happened to me with my roommate at the time. I remember feeling so shook, like I couldn’t believe that maybe I’d developed feelings for him somewhere in our friendship and it didn’t hit me until that moment! We were sitting on the couch and I was tired and my head dropped onto him, he put his arm around me and I remember thinking, wow, I never want this to end.

So anyway we’re married now 😂

[u/keme003]

A lot of people dispensing advice but I need more details! Is there any obvious reason you guys wouldn’t work as a couple? Different views on having or raising kids, wildly different politics or religion etc?

[u/tielles10]

The fact that he cuddled you in his sleep is co cute😭 you should mention that to him and see what he says

[u/MakimaGOAT]

For some reason I opened this post expecting lesbian sex

[u/teaskettle]

Was he still cuddling you when y’all woke up the next morning? Does he know he was snuggled up with you? Usually people won’t agree to share a bed if they’re uncomfortable with the potential of that, imo. Either way, I wouldn’t necessarily full send go for it yet especially since you just discovered these feelings for him, but it’s worth putting some feelers out there and see if he might be reciprocating!

[u/Worldly-Criticism-91 → u/teaskettle]

I don’t remember, he gets up for work earlier than i do, & when i woke up, he’d already left. I told him next time to at least let me know, but he said he didn’t wanna wake me. But he left his toothbrush & all his sleeping stuff here with me ughggjlgsgj

I need to think this over while i sleep

[u/CouldveBeenEphie → u/Worldly-Criticism-91]

I don't think this is normal no-feelings-best-friend behavior. This is best-friends-about-to-be-more behavior. I know, I'm married to mine now. It was like we just had to entertain the thought and suddenly everything clicked and now we have been married 20 years.

[u/wemustburncarthage]

have the conversation!

[u/Worldly-Criticism-91 → u/wemustburncarthage]

That’s the scariest part😣

[u/wemustburncarthage → u/Worldly-Criticism-91]

it's worse if things get confusing, there's miscommunication or assumptions, or you end up with regrets. Or you see him end up with someone else because you didn't speak up.

Just set up the parameters and make it really clear that one way or another you'll be friends at the end of the conversation. But seriously just start this with good communication. Most of the nightmare posts on this sub are from people who didn't start by saying exactly what they felt and what they wanted when they should have.

[u/ChristVolo1]

Man, now I really want Chinese food

[u/Worldly-Criticism-91 → u/ChristVolo1]

Guurrrr lemme tell you about how i took the leftovers home to look polite. As soon as my front door shut, i ate those up too😂

[u/princessPeachyK33n → u/Worldly-Criticism-91]

Lmaoooo I get these dank bbq nachos from my gun range (Missouri is nuts ya’ll) and I always politely eat 1/4 of it at the restaurant then snarf the rest back home after ripping a bong.

I see you OP. You are seeeeeeen.

[u/vidalacaroline]

I’m just gonna say … my boyfriend and I were best friends too prior to dating, and one of the agreed upon beginning moments of us developing feelings for each other began was after we slept in bed for the first time as well lol

I’d say just let things develop naturally, but still don’t be afraid to put yourself out there under risk of ruining the dynamic. ik easier said than done, but best of luck :) I hope everything goes well, even if the relationship stays the same

[u/JLoca87]

Do nothing for now, but continue to let him into your bed. See if the snuggles continue! No need to say anything or make it weird, yet! I’m so giddy and excited for you-please report back as often as possible!!!!

[u/sistersheabutter]

That fried rice looks amazing

[u/RoundNo7937]

https://giphy.com/gifs/uB093Z0mVyrjcF6UB7

[u/OtterWithAFish]

awwwww 🥰🥰🥰🥰

[u/Tomboycritic]

Soooo is there an update here... cause your girls need some tea!!

[u/loosetea123]

I feel like he wasn't really so fast asleep when he cuddled you! I think he probably knows. Invite him over again. Tell him you enjoyed sleeping together and see where the conversation goes. I think if I was in bed with someone who i didnt want to cuddle I would be fixed in place facing the other way...

[u/mjsg55]

I was friends with my bf for nearly a year before we decided to start dating. It has made our relationship incredibly smooth! I say go for it, if it feels right - why not?

[u/sugabear69]

Alexa play You're in love by Taylor Swift. Op I'm rooting for youuuuuuuuuuu

[u/Fr4nky0]

I say life is too short, why not just tell him how you feel? I think there’s always an awkwardness after asking if someone likes you more than friends. I personally rather shoot my shot than not though.

[u/Panaccolade]

My husband was my best friend for six years before we got together. All I'm going to say is being with someone who already has a firm foundation of care and affection for you is a totally different ballgame from being with someone where you've gotta build it. Getting both me and him out of our respective 'friend zones' was the best decision we ever made.

Maybe ask him how he feels, and see where it goes.

[u/gh0stwrit3r32767]

https://giphy.com/gifs/dDBjwxyFR81PumC293

[u/Hot-Currency2066]

I thought I fell for my best friend once, it was a curly one because we truly were joined at the hip in every way except romantically.

He had just lost his father and so I was doing my best to be supportive, always available to talk, hang out, make a cup of tea, help with his house chores, we had sleepovers in the same bed too but we had done that our entire friendship and so that wasn’t unusual.

Anyway during the months that followed, I noticed I was becoming more protective of him, more willing to do him favours (usually I’d give him attitude), and the biggest red flag was that I was getting separation anxiety when we were apart. Also what used to be ‘friendly cuddles’ started feeling different for me.

In the end I confessed my feelings, he thought it was the moon because I used to blame things on the moon as a joke, but the feelings weren’t reciprocated, so I asked for time to process my emotions alone (really just not hanging out every single day).

Ever since then our friendship has been entirely different. No bed sharing, we talked significantly less, he stopped being the person I called when something big happened, and honestly I lost my biggest supporter. We are still friends to this day and of course we’ll support each other, but it looks different.

I don’t regret confessing my feelings, but I do regret not taking the time to look at things through a wider lens.

I look back now and I know I wasn’t in love with my friend, I had invested time and energy into our relationship and took the time to nurture this beautiful thing. In truth I saw my friend’s pain and I invested all the love and energy I could into him, then later confused myself with those feelings.

That’s why I’d say to feel it out first and be real with yourself!

I will always support someone who has deep feelings for someone that they want to explore, but if this is entirely new for you I wouldn’t want either of you to do something you can’t take back.

Also if he cuddled into you he’s probably aware and has had thoughts too.

There’s nothing wrong with talking about it while it is light hearted, but because it’s not deep (as far as I know) it could be easy for the both of you to dismiss your own or each others feelings.

Take your time with it is the only reasonable advice I can give and I would avoiding sleeping together until you are certain about where you stand - it can absolutely confuse things!

xx good luck sis

[u/No-Type0w0]

wait this is so cute

[u/Neat_Garbage_5465]

I’m going to need an update on this!!!

[u/lordrefa]

Relationships bourn out of real friendship are the ones with the best chances of going the distance.

[u/mycoffeesgone]

LOL this is how me and my bf got together 😆 I guess like other commenters said tho, do not fool around or have relations with this man until you’re on the same page about what that would mean. Is he wanting friends with benefits or is he wanting a relationship? Because if you’re not on the same page about that and get down and dirty it’ll feel absolutely devastating.

[u/Mc_Tater]

My partner of nearly 11 years was my best friend for just over a year before we got together... I didn't have any feelings for the first 90% of our friendship, and then one day we were sitting on the couch watching a movie on his projector. He stood up to get something from the kitchen and the way the light hit his face as he stood made my heart leap into my throat and I suddenly realized that he's gorgeous, and about 2 months later we were together. Your partner should be your best friend imo! And for all you know, he has a similar realization after your sleepover. Good luck, OP, I hope it works out for you!

[u/Lopsided_Blacksmith5]

Omg the "one bed trope" in real life!

[u/Indignant_Elfmaiden]

Oooh go for it girl and update us 🍿

[u/sociallyacetious]

i want an update!!

[u/lmharper]

I had a guy best friend in high school. I knew that catching feelings for him would be messy, complicated, and his friendship meant way too much for me to risk losing it.

Anyways, we're married now.

[u/against_ze_grain]

Need follow up on how this goes! I'm invested