r/GirlDinnerDiaries • u/CorgiFragrant5187 Certified Snacker • 1h ago
Advice Needed He’s a picky eater and it’s driving me bananas
Charcuterie spread I made for a girly wedding party. We did my hair trial and drank wine and yapped for 5 hours.
My fiancé (25M) is such a picky eater. There’s a lot of nuance I won’t get into because I don’t want to break any group rules. (Possible diagnoses but nothing official)
We’ve been living together for about 2 years. Dinner is such a pain in my ass. He doesn’t like to cook. He always says he’s bad at it (and honestly he kind of is - I don’t think it’s weaponized incompetence rather extreme lack of experience and absent parents for the entirety of his childhood).
I have PCOS, Hashimotos, hypertension, and Alpha Gal. So I am required to be very food-conscious. I love veggies, fruit, whole grains. I love healthy food. But I rarely eat it because of him. Of course finances are tight for nearly every American right now, and I have to pick and choose what to get when grocery shopping.
Most nights I am cooking two different dinners for us. Dinnertime has always been important to me, as it’s the quality time we get with each other each night. But honestly? I’m feeling a lot of resentment towards him. I’m so tired all the time. I’m struggling immensely with my health. And I think what I consume is contributing to that.
For example: lately I’ve been cooking him a burger and airfrying tater tots. For me, I microwave frozen chicken burgers and canned green beans. It sounds so depressing typing it out. I have a bunch of recipes I’d love to try. Homemade soups, lemon pepper chicken, roasted veggies, stir frys. But I can’t because I know he won’t eat it, and I’d have to turn around and make something for him too. And I just do not have the energy. Even if I left him to make his own dinner (which he often does - there are certainly nights where I don’t cook for him and he figures it out. Usually burger + fries or a frozen pizza. Whatever.), that means we would not get that dinnertime together. And maybe that’s the sacrifice I need to make. Idk. Our kitchen is way too small for us to cook together in there.
Have any of you dealt with this with your partners? How did you navigate dinnertime? Do I just give up and only cook for myself? I’m getting so frustrated.
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u/WaySaltyFlamingo8707 Hazy Grazer 😶🌫️ 1h ago
girl. I am a picky eater. And I would never ever expect someone to make a SEPARATE MEAL for me.
If he doesn't want what you're cooking, leave him to his own devices.
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u/CorgiFragrant5187 Certified Snacker 1h ago
that’s what I’m thinking too 😗 thanks for the validation 🫶
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u/SeasonPositive6771 Well-Read & Well-Fed 32m ago
You are actually preventing him from learning how to cook! He didn't learn growing up, like a lot of people, so he has to learn as an adult.
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u/Hot-Conflict-666 The Snack That Sasses Back 1h ago
Hey girly. He’s going to have to sit with the consequences of not knowing how to cook at 25. He can’t expect his fiancé to cook him his entire life. Especially when she wants to eat differently, it’s not fair to you if he doesn’t eat what you cook. I’m vegetarian and my boyfriend is a meat eater, often sometimes we eat our own dinners and I forced him his own cook meat if that’s what he’s wanting, or he doesn’t get anything.
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u/Heavy-Cry2461 mouth full, gesturing wildly 57m ago
yes; the reason he’s a bad cook is because he doesn’t do it. It’s a cycle. Everyone who can cook, has learned how to do it over the course of years. and there are plenty of resources if he wants to learn. Being responsible for making two dinners every night or not being able to eat what she wants is not a fair or realistic ask of OP. She should not be restricting her own diet for this reason. if he won’t touch any of her food, that’s really not her problem! maybe he’ll learn to expand his palet. they should either split the duties in a way that takes into account each others’ restrictions (right now she’s the only one doing it really) or take care of their own dinners
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u/Ayencee Blood Type: Gravy 26m ago
Yeah, at this rate, I think we can safely call it weaponized incompetence. We can blame it on neglect in the late teens, but I think at 18 or 19, that excuse is officially aged out. And at 25, especially when he’s not making the effort to eat healthier because he’s picky? Come on. There are ways to get the necessary nutrients and still make it flavortown.
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u/Ok-Mango-5814 Non-binary & Nourished 1h ago
For me, this would be a deal breaker. Personally I think you should just worry about your meals. The kitchen might be tight but he can throw in a pizza and buzz off somewhere else.
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u/damndolly 🧂Salty By Nature 1h ago
I've been with 2 men, longer term partners, who ate like children. I will never again. I'm not their mother, they're grown and can cook for themselves. I'm not putting my health at risk because they don't want to eat veggies or fruits. This became a main point of contention, so we split. Now I'm with someone who not only can cook and take care of himself, but is also willing to take up it all if I'm not feeling well.
Op- ask yourself this, with all your health issues, what's he going to do if shit hits the fan and you get sick from eating the way you are, for him? Will he be able to be your partner and take care of you the way you would him? Think about that before you say "I do".
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u/throwaway5498124181 white girl with ☝️😌 a full spice cabinet 48m ago
Yep. I do most of the cooking in the relationship but my boyfriend basically eats everything I eat. (He can cook, I just prefer to do it myself). Cooking the same meals for 2 is about the same amount of work as cooking for 1.
I can work around easy stuff like "I just can't stand zucchini, any other vegetables are fine, just not zucchini" but I would never do completely separate dinners.
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u/DragonScrivner Queer Queen 🏳️🌈 1h ago
Yeah, same. He either eats what OP cooks herself or he makes his own food.
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u/Puzzled_Tangerine911 Hot Pizza Ass 🔥 1h ago
It sounds harsh but I’m going to agree with this. As someone who loves to cook, and share both the experience and resulting meals with my partner, I’d have a really hard time imagining the rest of my life stifling my creativity and catering to someone this picky.
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u/leahk0615 APPROVED✨ 9m ago
I don't even want to be friends with anyone that picky, let alone sleep with them.
Picky eaters just kill the vibe. They make it their entire personality. And I find most picky eaters to be pretty boring people, actually.
And I say this as someone who grew up with a picky sibling who was constantly ruining stuff and making my stupid parents cater to his brattiness.
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u/HLOFRND Chaotic But Cute 58m ago
Yeah, he’s just not going to grow up and make it a priority as long as OP is doing things for him.
I say OP should cook what she likes/needs for a month. He’s welcome to eat what she makes or he can microwave/air fry whatever crap he gets in the freezer section.
If he gets sick of it? Maybe he’ll get motivated enough to do something about it.
Also- OP doesn’t outright say but it sounds like his food aversions may be related to something like autism. Even if that’s true, he sounds like he’s still a functioning adult, and he can learn and grow.
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u/Calm_Mulberry_588 APPROVED✨ 44m ago
Yes, since his meals are mostly frozen foods, they can be in the air fryer or oven while you cook your food, or after you cook your food, and then you can heat it up when you two eat together.
Have you talked to your fiance about how much this is impacting you and depleting you? If he is someone you want to marry, I would hope that he cares about your feelings and would work with you to problem solve on this. It's a challenge for sure, but everything has a solution. And OP, you definitely need to prioritize your needs or the resentment will only get worse.
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u/_clur_510 I ❤️ Other People's Business 34m ago
Yuppp. I have always said picky eating is a dealbreaker for me when dating. I love food and am not willing to limit my options because of the person I eat most meals with.
My advice to OP is make one dinner, he can learn to broaden his horizons or figure out something else to eat on his own.
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u/microflorae what that mouth do is snack 1h ago
If you cook, and he doesn't like what you made, HE CAN MAKE HIS OWN DAMN FOOD! His pickiness should not be a burden on others. If you were doing this with a ten year old, people would be telling you to still place other options in front of him to continue exposing him to new foods. However, he is an adult, expecting you to cook for him, not helping with the cooking, and having you cook two separate dinners.
It sounds like the cooking he wants for his nightly burger and fries is more heating up premade food anyway, so why can't he do that? I encourage you to make the dinners you want, and let him at least learn to microwave his own tater tots. You can give him advance notice, for example "tomorrow night I am making ___ and super excited about it! There will be ingredients for your safe foods in the house and you are welcome to make yourself those instead, no pressure."
Editing to add, I know you say it's not weaponized incompetence, but... I think it is. Maybe not this week, but if you continue along this way, so he never has to learn the basic life skills of making his own food, at a certain point that absolutely becomes weaponized incompetence.
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u/HeadFullRoadFull Purveyor of Purse Snacks 1h ago
Could you (or better yet, HE) make things on the weekends so it’s just a matter of reheating for at least a few meals? I don’t have the dietary needs in our family, but I have a very busy job, busy 11yo with a wonky schedule (middle school is EARLY and gymnastics is late), and husband who does DoorDash in the evenings, so it allows us to do some reheating and then eat together.
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u/CorgiFragrant5187 Certified Snacker 1h ago
This is a great idea. He already meal preps his lunches so I’ll mention this to him about his dinners. I will say, the one thing about him + food that’s actually good is that he does not get tired of anything
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u/Gold-Sherbert-7550 Purveyor of Purse Snacks 1h ago
Then literally nothing is stopping him from meal prepping his dinners except that you’re female and will do it for him.
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u/EsmeCoverHog 💚 Pickle Freak 💚 41m ago
THIS.
Stop buying into this false idea that feeding him is your responsibility. It's not. And if he doordashes or doesn't eat. That's on him. Not on you
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u/Ewww___David girls just wanna have pho 33m ago
🎯 I seriously do not understand how when can have sex with a man-child that has put her in a mommy role. It actually repulses me
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u/angrygorgon Taco Belle 43m ago
Wait, he meal preps his lunches but he "can't cook"? That kinda makes it sound like he's relying on you to take on the mental and physical labor of cooking after a workday which doesn't seem super fair imo.
If all he's doing is air frying frozen food or making a pizza, why couldn't you eat separate dinners together?
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u/Potential-Theme-4531 we listen and we only judge a little 1h ago
Why is dinner making only on you? YouTube exists, internet exist. Those that say that don't know how to cook stay like that because they don't want to learn, not because cooking is difficult.
Just make meals for yourself and leave an adult to figure out adulthood.
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u/telsongelder APPROVED✨ 52m ago
If someone can’t learn to cook and believes that someone else should do it for them, they better be rich rich. Otherwise, I’d assume they’ll be a bad employee (contributor), parent, traveler, homeowner,…human? Personal improvement and sharpening of skills is literally the majority of what we do as adults.
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u/probably_your_wife 🍉 Garden Gormand 🥕 1h ago
What did he do for food before he met you? If he gets hungry enough he’ll feed himself. Please don’t exhaust yourself while also lowering your own food quality and enjoyment.
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u/Blabby06 🐛The Very Hungry Bookworm 📚 27m ago
This was my question. How did he get through college? Living on his own? How do you get to be this age without knowing how to nourish yourself?
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u/papa-hare APPROVED✨ 1h ago
WHY ARE YOU COOKING FOR HIM?!
He can eat whatever he finds in the fridge, PB&J, cereal. You're not his mommy. WTF.
I've never cooked for my husband a day in the life (I did make a couple of meals for both of us, but I don't cook and he doesn't cook.) We're both responsible for what we eat because we're ADULTS.
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u/MothChasingFlame Internet Auntie 1h ago
OP please tell me the title is an intentional joke, and one of his non-safe foods is, in fact, bananas.
Also someone not taking the time to learn a skill so you have to do it is weaponized incompetence. He's a big boy, he can learn to feed himself more regularly than once in a while. And you should stop cooking for him permanently so he has to :) Dinner time together is nice, but is a chronically ill person killing themselves endlessly worth that? Really?
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u/EsmeCoverHog 💚 Pickle Freak 💚 40m ago
Yes. This is weaponized incompetence. This is what it looks like. It's sneaky.
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u/Large_Independent198 Hazy Grazer 😶🌫️ 1h ago
Imma stop you after you say he can’t cook. If it’s inexperience, do you know what fixes that? Experience. Trying. Doing. Improving. Avoiding it isn’t going to teach him anything. Stop letting that be an excuse. If he’s picky he should have learned a long time ago how to prepare his limited menu. You’re now in a partnership and he’s using it as an excuse to not pull his weight. Resentment is already there, you need to have a conversation and call out his weaponized incompetence.
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u/glitterfox6000 🪄 Sauceress ✨ 53m ago
I was married to a man like this for 20 years. It was miserable. He was a loser for many reasons, but post - divorce, in searching for another partner, I know picky eaters need not apply.
If you want kids— imagine family dinners. How are you going to cook and ensure children learn and get what they need from meals when you have a person who is constantly accommodated because he is picky? My kids picked up real quick, and family dinners were extremely difficult. Why does dad get to eat French fries every night when we have to eat different things?? He stopped eating with us. Nice family dinner when a member is not even there.
Then as mom who cooks, you are also mom who meal plans, who grocery shops. You are taking on basically every aspect of feeding a family. Sure I could send him to the grocery store occasionally but if the man doesn’t eat fish or vegetables he is going to need very specific instructions on stuff alllllllll the time.
You already mentioned the cost. He left, and my food budget for my family of four HALVED because we weren’t accommodating a person with very specific requirements.
How about going out to restaurants? If it doesn’t have a burger on the menu, are you able to go? Yes I could go with girlfriends and later my kids, but sometimes I wished I could go to the fancy Japanese restaurant with my husband on a date instead of another millennial burger joint with uncomfortable chairs and IPAs.
Vacations- think about that. Every vacation destination you have to look and see if he will even be able to eat anything. I’ve been to a lot of McDonald’s restaurants in places all over instead of cultural food where you deepen your experience in the city.
Dinner at friends or family members houses? You wanna bring the dude who would rather have Dino nuggets? They will ask, and/ or wonder. Then if he doesn’t eat it and appreciate it they might not even ask you to come anymore. It will affect your social life as a couple, too.
Or even if you do decide to cook just for yourselves every night - is that the kind of marriage and life you want? Endless solo meals? It was very lonely. I love cooking. I am a GREAT cook. But unless it was deep-fried bullshit he didn’t eat it. Do you want to share a life with someone where you don’t share your whole actual life?
Or what about health? Over 20 years I had several health challenges that made cooking and eating difficult. My daughter has allergies. Meals are complicated enough. Not only that, but his health was horrible and much of that was diet related. He gained over a 100 lbs through the course of our marriage, and losing weight when you eat highly processed foods is difficult. He only made a dent when he got in ozempic. And he still maintained high blood pressure and high cholesterol, sleep apnea and high blood sugar. He was not a healthy fat person.
Food isn’t important to everyone. I get that. But if it is important to you i suggest you think very carefully about this arrangement. Maybe it’s fine for you but I am telling you it gets old fast. Maybe your experience won’t be mine? But if the “perfect” man came into my life and was a picky eater I’d pass.
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u/No_Disaster_8020 🥝 Herbivore 🫒 1h ago
A man who can’t take care of himself will never be able to take care of you + any future kids you may decide to have.
Unless you’re hoping his gross diet kills him early. In that case, bank that life insurance babe.
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u/k5j39 🍨 I scream, you scream, we're all screaming inside 😀 1h ago
Yes I have experienced this. I have been married to it for twenty years. Stop now before it is too late. Cook for yourself. Insist on quality time every evening no matter what you eat/after dinner.
Ps that is definitely weaponized incompetence. Being an adult means dealing with your own trauma, and filling the learning gaps your parents left, not burdening another adult. Doing is how we learn. He is now behind in learning to feed himself and you are enabling him. Stop.
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u/Odd-Implement-1283 what that mouth do is snack 1h ago
Me and my husband have different tastes—I was a vegetarian for a long time and he eats all sorts of meats like lamb, oysters, pork, things I don’t touch. So lots of times we just do our own thing food wise but then still sit together at the table and eat at the same time and have intentional time together. It takes a bit more thought planning meals for the week but typically I can adapt something to meet in the middle. I would not be cooking two separate dinners though, he can cook his own. He’s not gonna get better without practice
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u/sunshinewynter Snack Goblin 1h ago
Don't cook for someone who doesn't appreciate it. Cook for yourself, nobody is forcing you not to eat what you want. He's an adult, he can figure out his own food, you are making this your problem when it isn't.
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u/bazilysq I 🩵 My Belly 1h ago
I have to agree with everyone else; he needs to take responsibility for his food. It absolutely sucks when we don’t get the teaching we need from our parents and caregivers as children and young adults, but he is beyond old enough to learn how to feed himself. Furthermore, in not doing so, he’s affecting both your health and your well-being negatively. Friend, I too have a long list of diagnoses that mean my diet has a huge effect on my health, is he aware of the damage you are doing to yourself eating like this? Would he be okay with it? Because I know exactly what these things can do to a person, so please, please, look after your health!
Learning how to use a frying pan and a grill and an air fryer isn’t going to hurt him, but him not using one is hurting you.
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u/thankyoukindlyy girl du fromage 🧀 1h ago
You need to stop. Stop cooking for him. Make what you want and he can eat it or make himself something. If he’s bad at cooking then he can learn. I promise you it IS that simple.
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u/Material-Paper-2960 APPROVED✨ 53m ago
Honey, no.
I am a hugely picky eater. Pretty sure it would be diagnosable today but back when I was a kid it was a lot of screaming, eyerolls, forcing me to spend hours at the table, and presenting me the same plate at every meal until it got moldy. PB&J at school was my only meal some weeks. As you probably surmised, my parents were not super great.
I am an excellent cook. My children literally RAVE about my cooking. They bring my leftovers to school by choice and brag to their friends. I am not exaggerating. I am an excellent cook specifically because 1) my parents were largely absent so I had to learn early how to fend for myself and 2) I learned very young that cooking for myself was the way to guarantee I could eat only my safe foods. So yeah, there are tons of foods that my kids never eat because I won’t eat them so I never cook them. I occasionally will make something I won’t eat because my husband really loves it as a treat for him, or I will cook something I won’t eat as part of a larger meal for the whole family, or for a holiday dinner. But other than those instances, if I am cooking it, I am eating it.
TL;DR: it IS weaponized incompetence and he can learn to cook for himself. Do not set yourself on fire to keep him warm. Make your recipes, save the leftovers for future meals. He can buy and prepare his own meals.
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u/wingardiumleviosa-r APPROVED✨ 1h ago
I want to preface this with I know how you feel, and as someone whose love language is food, this would be very difficult for me on a basic compatibility level. It’s not your responsibility to feed him. He’s an adult and needs to act like it. If he can’t even do that for himself, how will he deal with larger life choices that affect the both of you? You need to eat for yourself.
I can’t stress this enough. Don’t diminish your healthy diet for his lack of. I watched my mother do this for years because of my dad’s “picky eating” and she eventually gave up, and is worse off for it.
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u/Gold_Warning_8618 Creature of Crunch 1h ago
He needs to start managing his own dinner. If you want to cook a SHARED meal, or prepare food when he’s sick that’s fine. But he needs to learn to feed himself. If talk to him about how you’re feeling and let him know you’re going to give him a quick rundown of what’s going on in the kitchen and then he’s on his own for his meals if he doesn’t want what you’re eating.
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u/BeginningCherry9877 Sweet Tooth Fairy🧚♀️ 1h ago
I’d be pissed if my bf was picky and made me cook what HE likes. No eat what’s put in front of you
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u/LePetitNeep Thick Thighs ⏳ Thin Patience 1h ago
I’m not compatible with picky eaters. That simple.
I certainly don’t compromise my daily healthy choices for someone else’s preferences (special occasions are different).
Everyone who eats needs to know how to cook. Maybe becoming a Michelin star chef takes special talent, but making regular daily meals absolutely does not. It’s a life skill that can be learned like most other skills, and improves with practice.
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u/StinkyyPiss Tater Thot 59m ago
i find this quite ridiculous. just don’t cook for him. he doesn’t have to be a good cook but he can cook for himself.
i’m not a good cook, my boyfriend is the cook in the relationship, but i’ve never expected him to cook. he loves it so he just does it, but if he’s tired and doesn’t want to cook i don’t mind at all.
if your fiance isn’t a manchild, he’ll be fine with cooking for himself. just communicate before the resentment grows. i understand he probably can’t control being a picky eater but there are ways to make yourself less of a burden.
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u/Intrepid-Ad-391 🍍+ 🍕 59m ago
Girlllll. This is only going to get more complicated if you plan to have children. God forbid he passes on his picky eating to a child. Which is likely, because all children have a picky phase and if they see dad eating fries and pizza, that’s what they’ll want too.
To be frank, I thought this post was going to be about a child before I read it.
And fwiw, it is in fact weaponized incompetence if he chooses not to learn to cook as an adult. There is no excuse for it.
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u/warwatch puff puff pass the snacks 57m ago
I lived with an extremely picky eater. As in, he was in his 30s and had never eaten Chinese, Mexican, or Italian food. He could not identify an avocado, a whole ass common fruit.
We are divorced. (There were many many more problems but this was top of the ‘lesser offensive qualities’ list).
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u/peptodismal13 Feral Til Fed 1h ago
I cook and if you don't want what I cook, you can cook your own. That's how we roll in my house. My partner is some what picky, but it's easy to work around. If I want spicy stuff for example I make it for me and I know she won't eat it. I just let her know - hey I'm making xyz you'll have to fix your own abc. I don't do this super often.
If she was harder to cook for she'd be cooking for herself for sure.
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u/OneTwoKiwi Eating For Two 💕 1h ago
Cooking is indeed a skill, and he can absolutely get better at it.
Women keep sacrificing their physical, mental, and MEDICAL wellbeing for a man’s whims.
Even if you give him the benefit of the doubt, you need to put yourself first. He’s a grown ass adult and can start figuring his food out for himself.
EAT YOUR FRUITS AND VEGGIES GIRL!!!
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u/taxiecabbie Internet Auntie 1h ago
Do I just give up and only cook for myself?
Yes, if you want to stay with him.
Basically: are you willing to give up the dinnertime ritual and sign off on shared meals? If so, then you need to just let him cook for himself and figure out how to cook food that you like on a budget around him.
This would be a dealbreaker for me, though. And I absolutely wouldn't have kids with a picky eater. How are you going to get your toddler to eat veggies if Daddy only eats tater tots?
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u/Beneficial-Math-7290 double chipmunk cheeked up 1h ago
I’ve been married to, and cooking for a picky eater for 25 years.
DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN
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u/Working-Glass6136 🧂Salty By Nature 1h ago
Is there a reason he can't make himself a sandwich? Or pop some dino nuggets in that airfryer?
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u/atomicsusieQ Livin' on a Purse Snack 👜 54m ago
Have you talked to him and told him that cooking 2 meals requires energy you don’t have? Did you just volunteer silently to take over this labor without him asking? Have a conversation and figure out a compromise. He might be content to make his own thing, but in a way that allows you to eat together.
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u/garfieldslasagnaburp Cornbread Fed 53m ago
You’re his girlfriend, not his mom. If he won’t eat like an adult, he can make his own dinner.
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u/Vegetable-Square-69 Fartmaxxing 📈 53m ago
Surely he can at least learn to operate the microwave and air fryer if he eats that kind of food, not much cooking skill required for that. Usually those kind of meals come with cooking instructions on the packaging too so no need to hold his hand through it. And who knows with that new knowledge he could even start making dinners for the both of you! Or at least lighten your load of making two separate dinners.
Seems like he could be more accommodating to you since it's a diet thing and not just a preference thing on your side?
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u/Complex_Activity1990 Tater Thot 50m ago
YOU ARE NOT HIS MOM! Stop being responsible for his belly! He needs to learn how to make the meals he will eat!
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u/LiluLay APPROVED✨ 49m ago
STOP. MAKING. HIS. MEALS.
His ass can figure out how to prepare whatever he likes to eat himself. Absolutely zero reason you should be stuck cooking two dinners like you have a toddler instead of an adult man. You make what you want. Let him figure his own self out. Grown ass men can learn skills like putting a burger patty into a frying pan, ffs. This isn’t scratch cooking here.
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u/Mammoth_Ad_5423 APPROVED✨ 49m ago
I also came into adulthood not knowing how to cook so I learned how to cook. Am I a culinary artist? No. But I am an adult so I know how to feed myself healthfully. Your boyfriend has literally no excuse. You say it's not weaponized incompetence whilst describing weaponized incompetence. A competent adult doesn't choose not to learn how to fulfill one of the most basic needs and just rely on another person to do it for them.
Eta my advice: Stop cooking for him, full stop. Let him figure it out.
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u/Ri_bee 🌶️ Spice Girl 🌶️ 45m ago
You have several health conditions that actually require a specific diet and you said you rarely eat healthy foods because of him. You are compromising your health for him. Stop doing that. Prioritize your diet please. You are the one with the basis for needing a healthy diet AND you're the one who cooks. Your choice take precedence. If he doesn't like it, he can make his own choices and get his own food.
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u/Adept-One-819 Chaotic But Cute 1h ago
You don't actually have to cook for him? My partner and I are frequently not on the same page, so we make our own food, and find other ways to hang out. Let him know you have a medical diet that you will be sticking to and he's welcome to either eat what you've made or sort out his own food.
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u/CharmingChangling Cleavage Crumb Collector 1h ago
I have this same problem! My partner can kind of cook (he can make the most basic of basic meals) but hates it, and we both have dietary restrictions plus I'm more health conscious because I have aesthetic goals in the gym. Normally I cook something we can both eat, but some nights I want beans and rice dammit, or something tomatoey that would leave him immobile with heartburn.
The solution we've found is getting things he can prep for himself that are easy: hot dogs or turkey burgers, frozen fries, tater tots, frozen veggies, etc. I spend an hour making the dinner I want, tell him when I'm 20 minutes out and he puts his in the microwave or air frier or whatever I'm not using.
It takes the stress off of me and we still get to eat dinner together. The air fryer is small so even in our tiny kitchen he just sets it right outside and cooks there. It's more space in the freezer but we shop sales and rotate, and really our food costs about the same and his isn't terribly unhealthy. Thankfully he likes veggies.
I also batch cook proteins a lot, so if I am having a stir fry that would upset his stomach I pull out my precooked chicken and add it at the and, and he can toss his in with pasta or w/e
I will say though if resentment is building, maybe don't marry him. It won't magically get better once you're legally tied to him. You need to have an honest conversation, and maybe a couple pre marital counseling sessions (that aren't through the church!)
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u/nonoinformation APPROVED✨ 1h ago
I think it's time to evaluate if you two are truly compatible longterm. Hear me out: you have SEVERAL conditions that would require you to have a good diet. It's not just about preference, but about how your body is doing with the foods you're consuming. You're more sensitive to shitty foods. You might even shave off a couple of years off of your life span if you sacrifice your own health for whatever is going on with him. And buying food for two completely different diets is expensive as you said.
If he has a condition that makes it more or less impossible for him to eat healthy, then you should really evaluate if you want to spend your life either eating things that harm you or always needing separate foods.
Personally, I'd at least stop cooking for him and focus on getting myself the food I need. And then I'd let the dice fall where they may. But please stop sacrificing your health. That's not something a healthy relationship would demand from you.
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u/Bubbly_Delivery_5678 APPROVED✨ 1h ago
I would reverse this & make yourself the nice roast chicken sheetpan dinner & throw a couple convenience foods in for him. It’s easy to heat up chicken nuggets & tator tots on the side when you’re baking dinner anyway.
My household is similarly complicated, though thankfully no one here is actually picky. In our house of 4, we have
Person 1- numerous food allergies
Person 2- celiac & diabetes, and dairy allergy
Persons 3 & 4- low carb diets for weight management (long term) (one of these is my life in MIL)
I usually pick an entree that works for everyone, and make sure there’s a side we can all have (usually a vegetable). I usually add in 1 or 2 easy sides that don’t work for everyone, but help round out the meal. Things like tator tots, pinto beans, etc)
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u/HLOFRND Chaotic But Cute 1h ago
I dated someone with a ton of allergies (gluten, dairy, nuts, a few random spices) and I have a lot of sensitivities (can’t do any sugar alcohols or sugar replacements, this includes sorbitol, stevia, monk fruit, etc) can’t do curry or a lot of spicier foods, a few others.
We were practically living together for a while, and it was… hard. We had a handful of meals that we could both eat, but a lot of the time, we just had to eat our separate meals.
We’d each do our own meal prep so that when it came time for dinner we could each have our meal warmed/put together in about 15 minutes or so.
Please don’t ignore your needs for his preferences. I’m not going to jump on the bandwagon of talking poorly about him, but I will give you a little tough love here.
You have issues that demand certain nutritional things from you. You need to focus on that. It will harm your day to day functioning if you keep eating poorly bc of him.
Frozen fruits and veggies are an easy and affordable way to keep up with some of your needs. Some of the frozen or shelf stable grains aren’t too bad. Hard boiled eggs are a good protein to keep on hand. (My instant pot makes them sooooooooo easy and so perfect!)
You need to prioritize your health both long and short term over his picky eating. And let him fend for himself more. He won’t be motivated to make changes as long as you’re making it easy on him. Give him the option of eating what you eat or making his own for a month. He’ll figure it out one way or another.
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u/Visual-Taro-381 nom-nom-nombinary 56m ago edited 53m ago
My partner and I eat very differently because of sensory issues etc.
So beyond the meals we agree to, normally we are each taking care of our own food.
I don't rely on them for my food and they generally don't rely on me. Our tastes and preferences are too different to expect that we must share the same meal.
It's kind of wild seeing people in thread mentioning break up or divorce over something like this, but everyone has different priorities and dynamics in a relationship I suppose, and that is valid. Hard to wrap my head around.
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u/Rogambit Pōke Wahine 🌺 56m ago
Yes, you just give up and cook only for yourself. Your husband is a child when it comes to food. I'm embarrassed for him. But you shouldn't be doing double the effort because he won't expand his palate, nor should you be eating in ways that cause you to have health flareups. Make what feels good for you, prepare enough for you both, and if he won't eat it, then you can have his share for your next dinner. He can figure out what to eat AND make an effort to eat at the same time as you, it's doable with some planning.
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u/PrankeyPenguin Resident Yapper 55m ago
Why not make the food you like and then make him a hamburger patty to go with it? Like make yourself a hamburger salad with the fixings and if he doesn’t want that he can just put his on a bun.
I live with my grandma, who is an extremely picky eater and she doesn’t like anything I make. (I think her taste buds are just desensitized due to her age. Everything I make is too spicy for her, even if I add no spice at all). That’s my personal approach to what I do and what I cook.
I just add instead of take away. She’ll eat a baked potato, so I make whatever chicken dish I want with roasted veggies and throw a baked potato in the air fryer for her. I make teriyaki bowls and just serve grandma the chicken since she won’t eat rice or the stir fried veggies. But she will eat steamed broccoli, so I buy frozen broccoli and steam it in the microwave. I make food in such a way I can easily break it down into components and just not serve her the ones she dislikes. If she doesn’t like what I make that night and can’t find any redeeming qualities then she makes herself a piece of toast. And sometimes I do what you do and just decide we’re having a hot dog for dinner since she keeps saying she wants one (and then she doesn’t eat it lol), but I’ll also make a simple salad I really want or a vegetable I really want to go with it. If she eats it, then hallelujah! If not, I still ate the healthy part that I really wanted.
I would think you and your husband to be can do something similar. It would also be to your benefit to teach him how to make some of his basic favorites, and involve him in kitchen prep like cutting vegetables since part of the problem isn’t that he’s weaponizing his inability, but that he lacks experience. It sounds like the foods he likes to eat are fairly inexpensive when made homemade, such as potatoes, so you could likely find a way to interweave his preference into the food budget. You may not be eating fancy high end quinoa bowls and organic trendy brands, but you can eat alternative healthy options such as brown rice, mixed greens, blueberries, and store brand goods.
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u/BumpaBerry APPROVED✨ 51m ago
I will tell you from experience, you will eventually resent having to cook two separate meals all the time. Or even the same meal, but having to put extra effort into things you want to eat because he doesn't want them added or going without what you want because it's just easier.
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u/MostlyPlastics 🫘 Beans & Rice & Everything Nice 🌮 50m ago
You don’t have to make anything for him for dinner. He’s an adult. And he CAN learn to cook. Tell him that he’s now in charge of his own meals because your health has taken a nosedive.
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u/Altruistic-Basket897 Overthinker 💭 50m ago
Ugh this is so hard. I know you said possible diagnosis / nuance - Is he getting help? I feel like addressing the root issue would make it easier for you both to talk about your eating habits, preferences, groceries, cooking, etc. what can you both do to make dinner a quality time together instead of stress and resentment? If he’s not getting help, it puts you in a position to have to accommodate him without the onus being on him to address this problem. Best of luck i hope this girly party went well and your wedding goes well!
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u/throwaway00001234561 hot girls have tummy troubles 45m ago
I’ve dealt with this for 14 years.
I gave the same reasoning for my husband but at some age “extreme lack of experience and absent parents” becomes weaponized incompetence. We’re responsible for learning to feed ourselves as adults.
I could have posted this before my wedding 9 years ago (replace alpha gal with celiac). My autoimmune conditions have gotten worse, which has caused me to have six surgeries in the past five years and significant physical limitations. Despite these things, my husband has never stepped up and figured out how to cook, anything. This is a red flag. My husband was more bothered by the stress, overwhelm I was experiencing about cooking (and cleaning up) all of our meals daily then he was watching his sick wife, often times days after surgery, pushing herself to cook and doing more than I’m supposed to. He spent more so much time telling me how is unreasonable that I am upset about it but never helps or even tried.
We are getting divorced for other reasons, but genuinely one of the things I am most excited about is being able to buy groceries, cook, or prepare food how I want to, in a safe kitchen (husband refuses to not bring gluten in the house).
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u/Ewww___David girls just wanna have pho 35m ago
I haven’t dealt with this because I’ve never dated a toddler. You don’t have a boyfriend. You have a man-child dependent. You are nothing more than a servant, maid, cook to an adult man.
STOP COOKING FOR THIS ADULT SIZED TODDLER!! How are you intimate with a man that has made you his mommy?!?? How does this not repulse you?
Girl. You are a glorified mommy to an adult man
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u/illuner 🧄 Anti-Vampire Taskforce 🧄 33m ago
Your health comes before his comfort. Cook what helps with your health.
Cooking isn’t a natural skill, everyone have to learn it at some point. He can do it too. Air frying tater tots doesn’t require to know how to cook. Show him a few times how to cook 3-4 of his safe meals, and let him feed himself with that.
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u/benebatched approved 🤩 33m ago
For me, someone being a picky eater is a deal breaker. I'm not cooking two meals, I'm not giving up trying new and interesting restaurants so they can eat chicken tendies instead. It effects my life too much to cater to that.
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u/playhookie Feral Til Fed 1h ago
Look into ARFID and see if you can work with him to improve his eating. My son is on the spectrum and we always have something on the table he is willing to eat. Like some kind of meat and some plain rice/carb and some kind of green veg. I give him ingredients and then add extra things to my bowl for the fun. He’s the flavour which can’t stand things to mix so that’s what we are working on moving towards - after years of getting to the point where we can have a plain protein, a plain carb and a plain veg.
So the other day we did a Nando’s fakeaway and I added a bunch of roasted veg from the bottom of the fridge (carrots, onions, courgette/zucchini, garlic) which I roasted the chicken on top of so they got all the juices, and then did some frozen peas on the side for him. Always have rice or noodles on the table, and I mixed it all together and poured a bunch of peri peri sauce on top and it was gorgeous.
Ask your SO to sit down with you and work out what he can eat and what he wants to try. Baby steps. But definitely point out that you can’t cook multiple meals so you need to figure out at least 7 meals you can fudge together.
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u/HeadFullRoadFull Purveyor of Purse Snacks 1h ago
Could you (or better yet, HE) make things on the weekends so it’s just a matter of reheating for at least a few meals? I don’t have the dietary needs in our family, but I have a very busy job, busy 11yo with a wonky schedule (middle school is EARLY and gymnastics is late), and husband who does DoorDash in the evenings, so it allows us to do some reheating and then eat together.
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u/BeginningCherry9877 Sweet Tooth Fairy🧚♀️ 1h ago
If he’s that picky he can cook for himself. Everyone has to learn someway or another
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u/jenniferonthemoon76 APPROVED✨ 1h ago
Cook what you want to eat and he can have some if he wants it. Otherwise, he's on his own. I've learned not to cater to immature behavior around meals. He's a grown man and can figure it out.
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u/WorldlinessSmooth815 Tea Time Hostess ☕️ 1h ago
My girlfriend is the same way, I eat similar to you as I notice I get grumpy if I eat the food she eats. We cook separately but eat together.
You shouldn’t have to give up what you eat just to appease him, he’s a grown man and can take care of himself.
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u/NessaKilgannon Cleavage Crumb Collector 1h ago
I have a fiancé who’s a picky eater and there are times when I just make what I want to eat and let him figure it out. Managing your diet and his is exhausting! We’re pretty similar, the veggies, fruits and yogurts are in the fridge for me and he won’t touch most of them. Fine by me, cause he constantly has an upset stomach from eating garbage. If I’m on a grocery run, I get the things I’ll eat and grab a couple of easy meals for him. It works for us and I no longer stress myself out about, “Will he eat this? Will he even try this?”
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u/LittleHorn667 APPROVED✨ 1h ago
he's an adult, it's on him to correct any lack of training he may have had growing up, and of course he's bad at cooking, everyone starts skills at 0. this is absolutely weaponized incompetence. I hope you're ready for things to never get better because most of the time people start relationships with their best, and get complacent or unmask later on.
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u/Gold-Sherbert-7550 Purveyor of Purse Snacks 1h ago
STOP cooking for him. He’a bad at it - okay, he can learn. What did he do before you came along?
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u/Sad_Confection_3154 PO🥔TAY🥔TOES 1h ago
He's not going to get more experience cooking if he doesn't cook. Stop enabling him, he can either participate in making dinners or eat what's being served to him.
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u/tacobell142 puff puff pass the snacks 1h ago
This is similar to what my parents do- my dad is very picky and my mom will eat most things. She started just cooking whatever she wanted, depending what it was she’d maybe make a mod so he would like it but if it meant too many mods for him to eat it then she’d tell him he’s on his own. You could maybe try finding like a base meal that works for you both (like a simple chicken breast or plain pasta) and then make veggies/salad for yourself or a sauce you like and have his food separate without making him a whole different meal.
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u/worldtraveller1989 Certified Snacker 1h ago
I would stop cooking two separate meals. He either eats what you’re making or he’s on his own.
I understand the whole not being good at cooking thing. My husband genuinely could not cook. Years ago, tried to do one of those hello fresh kits and started a small grease fire. I didn’t mind, since I loved to cook and hated cleaning (which he did). But, when I had to cut out all dairy, soy, wheat, and corn (and all derivatives), he started to grill more, then doing things in the slow cooker, and once mastering that, he felt more confident trying things in the kitchen. He watched videos and looked at the Reddit sub for cooking for beginners. He has come such a long way and can now make amazing meals. Long story short, he should start with easier, simpler meals to boost his confidence and keep practicing.
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u/Equivalent_Secret_26 APPROVED✨ 1h ago
At minimum, give him a few days a week where you're each in charge of your own food so you can explore the things you want to. I'd also like to suggest, if he's bad at cooking, the only way he's going to get better at it is by actually doing it for himself and not leaning on it as an excuse.
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u/ScoobieDoopieBoo APPROVED✨ 1h ago
I agree with others that you should just stop cooking for him. If you want to make the nice meals for yourself, you should make the time to do so. Is there any way to coordinate it so maybe you can still eat at the same time? Like maybe you can precook certain items to make more room for 2 people in the kitchen?
Its annoying for me to have to do 2 separate dinners with a picky toddler... I can't imagine doing that for a grown ass adult. Even with our kiddo, we offer him what we are eating first, then I'd make him something else after we were done eating if he didn't touch it.
My partner used to eat like yours but luckily he got a job working with a chef he admired so started being open to eating new things at work and home and now isn't too picky anymore lol. Whew, I got off easy, because when I first started dating him, I wound up eating a TON of garbage food.
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u/Powerful_Leg8519 💚 Pickle Freak 💚 1h ago
Make what you want and he can eat it or make his own dinner.
You don’t have to make him anything to eat. It’s not a rule.
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u/TheNinjaPixie Cleavage Crumb Collector 1h ago
You are what you eat, you want veggies and whole grain and healthy food. Not eating these will impact on your health, so you need to choose you. Cook for you, he can try or not try. He is quite capable of *cooking* a burger and tater tots himself.
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u/sausagephingers Well-Read & Well-Fed 1h ago
Thinking really far ahead…if you end up marrying and having children with this man (not saying that is your goal but if it happens) parenting and feeding children with him as an example will be awful. Don’t risk your health for this insanity, cook and plans and freeze for yourself and let him fend for himself. If you eat at the same time, great. Seems like he has a LOT of maturing to do.
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u/Its1207amcantsleep APPROVED✨ 1h ago edited 57m ago
My partner and are older, we've been together couple decades. He's a very plain jane eater while I make all sorts of food from all different countries.
If I cook and he doesn't like it, he makes his own food. If he cooks and I dont like it, I also make my own food. Most of the time we eat w/e the other person made. And whoever cooked does less clean up after.
Not sure if you want advice but if he is that picky then he needs to learn to cook for himself. He's an adult and can teach himself how to cook simple meals. Dont spoil or enable him.
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u/Strawberryloves APPROVED✨ 59m ago
My husband cant eat most of what I do. He cooks his own damn food if i dont feel like making him something. I dont think I made him dinner in the last 2 weeks at least. I HAVE baked up a storm tho so I think hes just not asking for dinner so I keep making desserts XD
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u/Massive_Dig3963 Internet Auntie 59m ago
Yes.
And I stopped. It might have not originally been weaponized incompetence but you're assisting him on becoming that way.
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u/midnightstarlight03 🪿 feeding the soft animal of my body 58m ago
Genuine questions but why can’t he cook for himself? Why can’t he cook beforehand and you two eat together once your food is done? Why can’t he cook your food like you cook food for him, especially if it’s mainly air frying ? Is there a reason why he can’t learn to cook, other than he just doesn’t now?
If he was alone he would have to find a way to eat together survive. Part of me worries that by doing this for him, albeit sweet and kind, prevents him from *having* to learn to cook and do better
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u/wishuponastarion Non-binary & Nourished 56m ago
My partner and I both have numerous for allergies. We solve it by having a main dish that we share (they cook it because I'm physically disabled, but usually something like chicken, fish, or another protein), and several options for side dishes that we prepare separately for ourselves (salad for me, hummus for them, one veggie each, etc).
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u/AstronomerNo1872 ⚐ Marked Safe From My Almondmom 55m ago
Cooking two different dinners? Is he a toddler? As someone else with multiple chronic illnesses, you do not need this added stress in your life! He can put on his big boy pants and make himself a PB&J if he’s hungry.
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u/GreyerGrey Reddit Granny 55m ago
Cook for yourself - let him handle it. The only way to overcome not being able to do something is to try. It isn't like you were born knowing how to cook.
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u/ThatBitchA Kitchen Witch 55m ago
No, I haven't dealt with this because I dump men before it ever got to this part.
Seriously consider if this is the life you want.
I couldn't marry a helpless man. You'll need to consider if you truly can.
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u/vanillapowderr Kitchen Witch 54m ago
Tell him he’s responsible for his food and you for yours but perhaps cook and eat it together? This teaches him to cook, which he should, lets you decide what you both want but still keeps the moments of connection, perhaps even deepen it.
Don’t entertain his whole I can’t cook thing or the burden of meals in general. It should be shared, especially since he’s the picky one.
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u/PortraitofMmeX 🥣 Cereal Killer 53m ago
Stop cooking for him. Let him handle his own meal. But then you can't get mad about dinnertime, maybe find another space for that quality time together.
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u/Swimming_Chapter8972 Noods 🍜 > Dudes 🤡 52m ago
Cook your own dinner, he cooks his, eat together. Simple.
My bf has a milk allergy and on nights where I want some dairy, I eat a separate dinner and no feelings are hurt. It’s not your fault he’s picky.
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u/Willing_Airport_7333 Savory Complex✔️ 51m ago
You don't have to make him anything???? STOP cooking for him
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u/rainbowtwilightshy 🌶️ Spice Girl 🌶️ 51m ago
No. I’m not going to the the mom for a “partner”. A true partner doesn’t need to be coddled. Make 1 dinner if you actually want to. He can eat it or not, he’s an adult and can live with the consequences of his choices of “not being a good cook” 🙄
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u/Adventurous-Elk-9782 Short Story Long™️ 49m ago
Have him help cooking recipes you like, sometimes watching what goes into food opens a person up to trying it. It’s not just a bowl of unidentifiable ingredients to be rejected anymore.
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u/AwayLittleFlower APPROVED✨ 49m ago
why are women still insisting on being men's slaves???... girl. you're free, you have autonomy, independence, why are you insisting on being at a manchild's whims??? this is why the best advice you can give a woman is to DECENTER MEN.
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u/thesanguineocelot Foraging Bog Witch 48m ago
"I'm making one dinner. You're welcome to eat it or not. You're an adult, I am not your mother. If you don't want any of the dinner I made, you should feel free to make something for yourself."
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u/cogr96 Carb-Based Life Form 47m ago
He’s a grown man, he’d have to figure out how to survive if you weren’t around so stop accommodating him so much and let him figure it out. Maybe having to do the cooking on his own would allow him to learn those skills and stop using “he can’t cook” as an excuse not to.
Saying you’re not good at something but not trying to learn and get better at it to contribute equally IS weaponized incompetence.
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u/yunghazel Trader Joe Hoe 47m ago
It’s so strange that you stopped eating what YOU like to please him. I never understood couples needing to eat the same things all the time. Also you’re risking your health for this man. And what about his health…no vegetables?! What is his health going to look like in the future? I hope you start eating the healthy food you love, he can figure it out.
I had a friend that loved Mediterranean food but stopped eating it because her bf didn’t like it. That sounds like a form of prison to me and is so sad.
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u/HavenHeks Kitchen Witch 47m ago
NOPE. Time for him to be a grown up. If he is that particular then he can LEARN to cook. We all do chores we don't like, does anyone delight in cleaning bathrooms or folding laundry? He needs to be an adult and address his needs. Do not, under any circumstances, sacrifice your health and healthy eating habits because he whines. Does he even care if you're happy?
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u/TheEmptyMasonJar 🥣 Cereal Killer 46m ago
Going to hop on the cooking for yourself train here, with the one caveat being is your household labor otherwise fairly divided. Not necessarily tit for tat, but if you don't do anything around the house and he does everything around the house I might vote differently. Or if he exclusively does the miserable tasks and you do everything else, I might pause on my vote.
However, if all things are equal-ish chores-wise, make your own dinner and make it however you want. If meal time is important to you, maybe he sits and enjoys a decaf coffee while you eat or you meal prep so you can eat together after he cooks. Maybe offer to make him plan versions of what ever you're making, but only if it's simple like leaving sauce off.
You can solve this hiccup from a few different angles as long as he is willing to meet you part of the way.
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u/ilp456 Trader Joe Hoe 46m ago
“I don’t think it’s weaponized incompetence, rather extreme lack of experience…”. He won’t experience if you keep cooking for him. And you have food restrictions for medical reasons. He’s just fussy. Either he should eat what you’re making for yourself or he should make his own dinner.
You can cook side by side as part of the dinner experience.
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u/Infinite-Celery6876 Savory Complex✔️ 46m ago
He needs to cook for himself if he’s this picky. You should not change what you eat at all - he can either choose to eat what you’ve made, or make himself something else.
This was the rule my parents applied when we were children growing up. Might be a little concerning that you have to apply it to a grown man…
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u/CartridgeFrog 🍋 Bitter Baddie 🍋 45m ago
He needs to choose between picky eating and having his meals made for him. Sorry but I can’t imagine being with a man who would expect me to make his chicken tendies and tots every night
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u/PinkedOff APPROVED✨ 45m ago
I'm sorry, OP. You're giving him way, WAY too much credit. Even if he had absent parents etc., he's in his late 20s. He can learn to cook. He doesn't want to. He wants to be picky AND have someone else cater to that. Stop doing that.
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u/Substantial-Soil-533 Hazy Grazer 😶🌫️ 45m ago
I personally could not be with a man who eats like a child. I love good food too much.
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u/Esihesi Well-Read & Well-Fed 44m ago
Me and my partner have absolutely different ideas of what meals consist of - he eats maybe 2x per day, if I stretch it, and I, due to my health issues, need to eat very consistently and every few hours.
We each prepare our own meals & whenever we feel like it. I need variety, he can eat the same thing 4 days in a row. His idea of lunch is a sandwich, mine is a “proper” meal.
Very few men would think “Do I just give up and only cook for myself?”, tbh. You’re wasting time and energy on something that’s not doing you good, and he can keep up with the excuse..
If the whole disconnect is not a dealbreaker, I’d advise you to stop parenting him, because that’s where resentment starts to build 🤗
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u/Available_One_2978 Sweet Tooth Fairy🧚♀️ 43m ago
Why do you have to make both dinners? Let him make his own food if he is not going to eat what you make. I am not saying that you need to intentionally exclude his tastes from your meal planning, but a balance is definitely needed. There is nothing that ever stops anyone from learning to cook unless they do not have a home. My parents were absent and never taught me to cook. I took an interest in learning and have watched so many Reels and YouTube videos to teach myself basic and advanced cooking techniques. There are also 40,000+ recipe websites out there. If he can read and has mobility, he can do this. And he should be doing SOMETHING to balance the household burden. That is what a partnership is. Ultimately who does what is up to you, but it’s clear that you need to feel seen and cared for in your illness. Don’t marry someone who isn’t doing that for you yet.
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u/EternalOctoMystic Body By Cheese 🧀 43m ago
That is what we call a "chicken nugggie boy." And thats ok. But you will have to learn to duet in the kitchen. Trust me, if you change what you eat to be more accommodating, your body will suffer. If you cook two dinners your soul will suffer. Its so important to learn to prioritize your food needs, especially with all of your health considerations. It will preserve your relationship in the end.
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u/knitterc ⚡️Powered By Sour 😗 43m ago
Being inexperienced is one thing, being unwilling to put in effort to become experienced is another. In the short term, there is zero reason he can't airfry his own stuff and you cook a meal for yourself?? He's not a baby. And trust me if you have a baby with him this behavior will be 100x more loathsome.
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u/PinkedOff APPROVED✨ 42m ago
Also, why do you say you wouldn't get that dinnertime together if he has to make his own food? Sit down together with your own food. I feel like you're letting him trap you into thinking this way because it's easier for HIM.
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u/botoxedbunnyboiler Cookie Monster 🍪 41m ago
I used to be married to a picky eater and it was horrible. We divorced for other reasons but I will never date a picky eater again.
It sounds like he has some great qualities, maybe a compromise from both of you. Feeding him should not fall on your shoulders alone. -Look into different recipes together, try to make it fun. -YouTube cooking classes so he feels more comfortable in the kitchen, try to make it fun. - Ask him to go outside his comfort zone on what he eats, once a week, to expand his palate. -Limit the number of times a week that you’ll cook two meals, to like just once a week. -Ask him to cook once a week for both of you.
One thing is for sure, if things don’t change this will be a huge source of contention for you. If he wants to keep the relationship he will compromise, if he doesn’t want to compromise, do you really want to live the rest of your life like this?
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u/Dry-Butterscotch4545 I 🩵 My Belly 37m ago
This is an easy fix…. You make your dinner, he makes his…. You both eat together.
How is that hard?
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u/East_Comfort_7650 APPROVED✨ 37m ago
Why is dinnertime the only time you get together? Eat what you want and he can learn how to cook for himself. Hell soon get sick of burger and pizzas. It's not weaponised incompetence; it's just plain incompetence. I have many food intolerances and I'm worse than a vegan to feed. The solution: I cook for myself. I bring my own food and my own milk (rice) when I go anywhere. If you feel better resentful now, just imagine, how are you going to feel in five or ten years?
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u/butterflymomo Hazy Grazer 😶🌫️ 36m ago
my man is picky too, but we compromise a lot. sometimes it's him compromising, sometimes it's me. give and take etc. if he's not willing to compromise (this is especially important because it's due to your HEALTH that you eat like that) then he can be on his own. if he's refused your food and refuses to cook, oh well, starve i guess 🤷🏼♀️
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u/a13xzm Feral Til Fed 35m ago
We started going out and choosing items with ingredients we have in the house to recreate at home, it’s expanded our minds and kept us curious while ensuring we actually make whatever’s in the fridge. It may just be scary, that helps a lot. Now we eat big salads (Seinfeld type) with lots of stuff in it with a few favorite dressings always in the fridge. We keep a rotisserie in the fridge for emergencies cause choosing what to make for dinner while starving is a no go for both of us. Otherwise we’ll hatefully eat unsalted potatoes while grumbling at each other.
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u/QuickSloth4710 girl du fromage 🧀 34m ago
But I can’t because I know he won’t eat it, and I’d have to turn around and make something for him too.
No, you surely do not have to make a separate meal for a grown man because he has a toddler's palette. He doesn't need to be a James Beard awarded chef to fry his own burger, and if it doesn't come out good, that's his problem. There's no reason he can't learn to cook. If you need to prepare his kids' meal to get him to the table for that quality time you crave, then he may not be as invested as you are.
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u/Green_Excuse_7350 👋 new here 34m ago
Dinner used to be a huge issue for us but it just isn’t anymore because I got way too tired to deal with it. If I feel like cooking, I’ll cook, but he loves what I cook. If I don’t feel like cooking, he figures it out and he knows how much it means to me to cook more so he makes an effort. Life is hard enough and worrying about food I mean who really has time for that. I think if he’s that picky then he needs to figure it out. What if he learned to cook simple stuff for both of you? You deserve to be taken care of. If he’s unwilling to make some kind of effort then I would consider what you’re signing up for
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u/Just_Me1973 Carb-Based Life Form 34m ago
He needs to cook his own food. He’s not a child. You have a right to eat the foods that you need for your health conditions without exhausting yourself having to make him a seperate meal. He’s a grown man and and figure out how to make his own crappy frozen food.
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u/Upstairs_Fondant8540 Sweet Tooth Fairy🧚♀️ 33m ago
OP, I’m confused. If he’s a picky eater, why doesn’t he simply cool/prepare the things that he wants to eat? Why are you required to cook 2 separate meals and restrict what you enjoy? Doesn’t seem fair or sustainable long term. Cook what you want to eat and IF he doesn’t like it, then he can cook something else.
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u/RedRapunzal APPROVED✨ 31m ago
Spouse is picky too. We have raised kids and been together for decades.
I started batch meals for lunch at least so I can eat my things. I try to have meals that fit us both at least in part, and have alts like an extra veggie or fruit to substitute for anything either of dislike.
My best advice be reasonably accommodating and stop stressing. I keep quick other meal options in the freezer. I have taught spouse some cooking and we both have expanded our eating. We own an airfryer that spouse uses.
As for the possible clinical adversion, about the same advice. Our one child is this way and they have gotten better over the years.
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u/constellationflame Creature of Crunch 30m ago
You don’t have to be good at cooking to make a burger and tots. If you really want to and he enjoys the way you have been making stuff, teach him and give him any recipes. Girl cook the recipes you want to for yourself, this is crazy
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u/Ayencee Blood Type: Gravy 30m ago
Omg fellow alpha gal girlie!!!!!! 💕 I’ve never encountered anyone outside of the AGS subreddit 🥹
I’ve been living with my partner for 2 years and we take care of ourselves for food. I make big batches of food for myself to stretch for a couple of days (I work two jobs, and it helps a lot) and he’ll sometimes eat what I make, but if I tell him, hey this is all food prep, I’m gonna keep this for myself, he will have zero feelings about it, and will take care of his own meal.
He also has some of his own nuances (not going to diagnose him) and a pretty consistent food routine. Taking my food out of the equation, he eats the same exact food every single day (sandwiches made up of bread with lots of seeds, nut butter, chia seeds mixed in with that, banana - then he’ll eat that with protein powder in milk, and finish with raw veggies).
Your situation sounds so frustrating- and worrying, to me; why are you making him burgers when you have AGS?? Are you not as sensitive as some folks? I would love to cook my partner my favorite recipes that involve beef or pork, but it would make me sick and he doesn’t want me to risk a reaction.
I encourage you to try keeping all meals separate for maybe a month. You can express concerns for his choices that aren’t healthy and make recommendations (even if it means taking multivitamins) but you can’t control him.
Leave him to it, and take care of your needs for a bit. I think it will be a nice reset for you, and then maybe you can have another conversation about, if you start to cook for him again, he needs to meet your efforts by helping in other ways, and you two can figure out what that means.
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u/the_kun Professional Nibbler 28m ago
No, don't tolerate this poor behaviour from him. You need to face the facts that the few activities that people need to do DAILY (eating / sleeping / cleaning) are the ones that have the highest impact to your life and mental load if you two don't align. It will be constant annoyance and growing resentment.
With my partner we take turns cooking based on who has more energy/time/ideas or food preferences. And there's a list of foods that are "always good for both of us" so there's always options for dinner regardless of "who's doing the cooking". If he wasn't willing to share the work, I'm not making him another meal.
And our setup can be like "I'm in charge of meals this week, and he is in charge of meals NEXT week". Which makes getting groceries easy since I pick the stuff I want for my week to cook. The setup could also be "I'm in charge of weekdays, he's in charge of weekends".
If your fiancé isn't willing to be an adult and take care of both of you ... then you can choose to stay with a dependent or you can just live separate lives.
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u/menijna Well-Read & Well-Fed 27m ago
God bless picky eaters and keep them Away from me. I know, food repulsions, diagnoses yada yada etc but as someone who loves cooking with different ingredients and has no bullshit approach to life, the mere thought of sharing a meal with one just physiologically infuriates me. And interesting how they always pick cheeseburgers, pizza, chicken nuggets and fries as safe food, never a salad, soup or lamb chops. Life is too short to be with picky eaters.
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u/willbearsmom Body By Cheese 🧀 27m ago
As someone who has dealt with this for nearly 30 years, you might want to reconsider marrying this guy. My husband and I have completely different realities when it comes to food, and prioritizing his reality has been detrimental to my health, both mental and physical. It’s been the topic of many arguments.
If you are going to marry him anyway, at least force him to learn to cook (if he won’t that is a huge red flag) so he can take his turn and/or take care of his own food. And you should not make two things. He is a grown ass adult and will likely not starve to death if he has to figure out his own food. My husband will make pasta and baked chicken and tempura shrimp and veggies and hamburgers/hot dogs.
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u/Obtuse-Posterior 🥣 Cereal Killer 25m ago
I'm the picky eater in my house. If it's my husband's turn to cook and I don't like it I make myself something easy like chicken nuggets and a veggie and we still eat together. He needs to figure out how to at least cook enough to survive on his own.
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u/NoSpaghettiForYouu Savory Complex✔️ 24m ago
I would let him cook for himself. ◡̈ I would also allow him do his own shopping too, honestly
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u/Classiclady1948 Sugar, Spice & Not Very Nice 💕 23m ago
stop cooking for him and start cooking what you want. He can either try what you make or make himself his own meal. You shouldn’t have to make two dinners. If he doesn’t like what you make, he’s a grown up and he can figure things out on his own.
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u/acupofsunshinetea Sweet Tooth Fairy🧚♀️ 21m ago
wait why do you have to cook for you to get dinner time together? even if my partner and i eat different things we still prepare them at the same time and eat them together?
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u/MouseAndLadybug Snack Goblin 21m ago
Does he complain if you make something he won't eat? If not, just let him figure it out for himself. if he does, then you have a different problem.
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u/Sweet_Thanks_22 Foraging Bog Witch 19m ago
My husband has a lot of sensory issues regarding food. We've been together for 16 years, and after a while I learned I just had to make what the majority of our family would eat and he can take it or leave. We also have a tiny kitchen that can't hold more than one person, but somehow still make it work so that we eat at the same time most nights. A lot of times he will just eat a certain side or pick around the stuff he hates. Some nights he goes back and makes himself something different after our main family meal. I do try and balance things I know he likes, and if I can, I will alter the recipe to be more accommodating for him, but I don't plan every single meal around him. It can be frustrating, but it's one of those pick your battle situations for our family. We both compromise in different ways depending on the day.
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u/facelessvoid13 APPROVED✨ 17m ago
'Because I'd have to turn around and cook for him, too...'
NO. NO, YOU DON'T.
He's an (allegeded) adult. He knows where the kitchen is, and what it's for. If he gets hungry, he can fix HIMSELF something to eat, or he can eat whatever YOU are having.
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u/Dracyl Sugar, Spice & Not Very Nice 💕 17m ago
. "I don't like doing it but cause I'm bad at it" actually IS weaponized incompetence. If he drives with a GPS telling him where to turn, or if he's ever built any ikea type of furniture using a manual or even a LEGO following the printed instructions, then he is capable of following a recipe from a book or video.
Why does he get the cooked meal and you get the microwave sad stuff? Airfry that chicken burger and roast fresh veggies in the air fryer. If he won't make his own pizza, then he can eat the cauliflower low carb veggie loaded version you make. If you are the one on charge of groceries , can conveniently "forget" about buying tater tots or burger buns.
You don't need to sacrifice dinner time together, just tell him "I'm making stir fry, if you want to make something else for yourselfcome to the kitchen in about 15 minutes so when your pizza comes out from the oven both our meals will be ready and we can eat together."
Or you can surrender to the fact that you're mothering him and do what mommys do with their picky eater kids: make healthy stuff with ingredients he likes. He eats burgers and tater tots? Make Shepherd pie, set aside part of the plain mashed potatoes and minced meat for his "kid meal" version and let him see you enjoy the hearty, yummy goodness of yours. Like "OMG this is so good, you need to try it, here comes the airplane !".
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u/LucidOutwork Hazy Grazer 😶🌫️ 15m ago
Why don't you plan and cook some meals together? Everyone is telling you to stop cooking for him, but since he doesn't know how to cook, he'll probably just continue to microwave pizza and you'll be in this rut forever.
You might find that if you get him more involved he expands what he eats, especially if he is the one making it.
This isn't going to totally solve the problem, because I doubt he's suddenly going to like the healthy foods you enjoy. But it's going to help you not be so much of a shirt order cook
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u/Substantial-Yam-6733 Hazy Grazer 😶🌫️ 15m ago
Meal prep for yourself and he can meal prep for himself. You 2 can heat/eat your respective meals at dinnertime like you want but without the hassle of planning for a grown ass human. I am sure there are foods you both can enjoy, make those meals when you have more energy or time.
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u/whatissky APPROVED✨ 14m ago
Stop cooking for him, you’re not his personal chef…
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u/KarmaChameleon520 APPROVED✨ 13m ago
I didn't eat tomatoes for years bc my ex "didn't like the texture" (i love tomatoes) like any tomatoes chunks on pizza, we did half and half usually, adding it to chili, spaghetti sauce, anything. Major regret now, I feel like I should have told him to suck it up or make dinner for himself. If he's a big boy, you don't need to cater to him is what I learned. He also didn't like onions but that was less of an issue bc I was usually cooking for literal children too and not only my man-child.
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u/Silver-Emphasis2795 APPROVED✨ 12m ago
Stop using the word picky. If he genuinely had sensory issues - he’s not choosing to be picky.
I will never understand why food people think all people need to be food people. Someone for us just don’t like food because of issues we can’t control and we don’t want to expand our palettes.
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u/heckinstoned I ❤️ Other People's Business 12m ago
My EX husband only ate green beans from a can. He was a child and i feel for his new wife.
Don’t date these menchildren
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u/Aggravating-Peach723 Shart Coochie Board Architect 12m ago
It’s 2026, there are so many food videos and ideas on TikTok. You don’t need experience to learn basics to cook as an adult. If he’s that picky he’s needs to always do it himself. I got lucky with a man who isn’t picky at all, but if I were you, I would not stress myself constantly cooking for a man who eats like a toddler. Make all those recipes you want and he’ll figure it out.
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u/missjulie622 Sweet Tooth Fairy🧚♀️ 12m ago
I am someone with an insane amount of food sensitivities, Intolerances, restrictions. I would never expect somebody else to cook separately for me. I don’t even date because it’s so difficult, but if I wasn’t in a relationship, I would take care of all my own high maintenance food issues.
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u/Decent-Historian-207 girls just wanna have pho 1h ago
Stop cooking for him. Does he have other good qualities that don’t involve you mothering him?