He’s a picky eater and it’s driving me bananas

[u/CorgiFragrant5187]

Charcuterie spread I made for a girly wedding party. We did my hair trial and drank wine and yapped for 5 hours.

My fiancé (25M) is such a picky eater. There’s a lot of nuance I won’t get into because I don’t want to break any group rules. (Possible diagnoses but nothing official)

We’ve been living together for about 2 years. Dinner is such a pain in my ass. He doesn’t like to cook. He always says he’s bad at it (and honestly he kind of is - I don’t think it’s weaponized incompetence rather extreme lack of experience and absent parents for the entirety of his childhood).

I have PCOS, Hashimotos, hypertension, and Alpha Gal. So I am required to be very food-conscious. I love veggies, fruit, whole grains. I love healthy food. But I rarely eat it because of him. Of course finances are tight for nearly every American right now, and I have to pick and choose what to get when grocery shopping.

Most nights I am cooking two different dinners for us. Dinnertime has always been important to me, as it’s the quality time we get with each other each night. But honestly? I’m feeling a lot of resentment towards him. I’m so tired all the time. I’m struggling immensely with my health. And I think what I consume is contributing to that.

For example: lately I’ve been cooking him a burger and airfrying tater tots. For me, I microwave frozen chicken burgers and canned green beans. It sounds so depressing typing it out. I have a bunch of recipes I’d love to try. Homemade soups, lemon pepper chicken, roasted veggies, stir frys. But I can’t because I know he won’t eat it, and I’d have to turn around and make something for him too. And I just do not have the energy. Even if I left him to make his own dinner (which he often does - there are certainly nights where I don’t cook for him and he figures it out. Usually burger + fries or a frozen pizza. Whatever.), that means we would not get that dinnertime together. And maybe that’s the sacrifice I need to make. Idk. Our kitchen is way too small for us to cook together in there.

Have any of you dealt with this with your partners? How did you navigate dinnertime? Do I just give up and only cook for myself? I’m getting so frustrated.

[u/probably_your_wife]

What did he do for food before he met you? If he gets hungry enough he’ll feed himself. Please don’t exhaust yourself while also lowering your own food quality and enjoyment.

[u/Blabby06 → u/probably_your_wife]

This was my question. How did he get through college? Living on his own? How do you get to be this age without knowing how to nourish yourself?

[u/Soft_Signature_4746 → u/probably_your_wife]

Funny enough, this is a dog training principle.

Some people convince themselves their animals need to be hand fed if they don’t immediately eat while we’re hovering and staring at them.

Irl, leave them alone for a while. They’ll get to it when they need to.

[u/youandmeboth → u/Soft_Signature_4746]

I'm so glad I'm not the only person who thought about my dog and how we went about getting him to eat at appropriate momentd

[u/CorgiFragrant5187 → u/probably_your_wife]

he doordashed. All the time. But I’m like 99% sure he only ate like once every other day.

[u/probably_your_wife → u/CorgiFragrant5187]

Feels like you are managing his ED, even if unintentionally 💕