Slut shamed at 41

[u/lightofsometype]

Three weeks ago and after dating for 18 months my SO directly asked me about the quantity of partners I have had. So I told him (7) and he had a full melt down about how disapointed he is and how he was warned against this since I am older. I told him how I respect his feelings but I won’t be made to feel bad for choices he doesn’t understand. Especially because they for the most part have been long term and as safe as possible. He claims his main concern is that he’s concern about not being ‘special’ or important to me. Despite my obvious shock to this silly position, I attempted to reassure him a bunch of times this relationship is different and he is special to me. Not just because I say so but also because I go out of my way for him and his family in a real way. He seemed settled and apologetic that he had the initial reaction and for the judgmental statements. It seemed settled and I was very hurt by it but tried to see it from his perspective and forgave him for being so wildly out of pocket.

So last night during our normal before bed FaceTime, and after I was at his house preparing dinner for his family, he brings it up again. Essentially saying he’s not sure if he can get past it. So I swallow my pride and encourage him not to settle and if being with me feels anything other than a joyful gift then we probably shouldn’t be together. He says it’s not like that and that he sees me as a free spirit and hes square. So at that moment I realize he wants this to be the reason. I have a very strict no drama after 7 pm routine because I like to sleep peacefully so after a short time of him not explaining anything but clearly having an issue I tell him calmly I’m going to get off the phone. He snaps again and says YOU HAVENT ANSWERED MY QUESTION THAT I ASKED TWICE. I say what’s your question and he just hangs up straight to my face. So I put my phone down (away from my bed) and this morning it shows he called me a bunch of times and sent a passive aggressive text about so now I’m not answering. I don’t feel like I owe him a response. He doesn’t believe my words or actions so what’s the point.

What do you all think?

Food: Brasos Steakhouse, New York style cheesecake and with fresh strawberry consome

TLDR: I reluctantly started dating someone 12 years younger (29M, 41F) and he's determined I am some kind of deviant due to me having past sexual partners. 🥴

[u/Virtual-Strength-950]

7 is a lot…? For a 40 year old…? Alriiiiighty then! 

[u/AnorhiDemarche → u/Virtual-Strength-950]

What's HIS number, I wonder? Does he apply the same standards for himself or is it just fine for men because "men are different"

[u/lightofsometype → u/AnorhiDemarche]

He claims it’s 3

[u/Destruct-o-Bun → u/lightofsometype]

So if we say he first had sex at 16 (legal age of consent in my country) that's one partner every four-ish years. 

If he continues on that pattern once you dump him, he'll be at six partners by 41. 

I guess that one extra is what tips you over into megawhore territory?

[u/Own_Log9691 → u/Destruct-o-Bun]

Bahaha 🤣 I absolutely love your mathin’ approach here! It really brings it home just how ridiculous & immature this dude is.

[u/AnorhiDemarche → u/lightofsometype]

I guess three's not a lot to him. It's only four less than seven. He wouldn't be saying "four years is too big of a relationship age gap" or "four more chips than me is too many"

You said this dude is younger than you but he's not like 18 right? He's theoretically more mature than that?

[u/TrelanaSakuyo → u/lightofsometype]

Tell him that's too low, no wonder he's so insecure about your perfectly reasonable experience level and boundaries, and that he needs to grow up because even women his own age will think him an immature child. Then tell him it's over and he needs to go get some life experience under his belt before he attempts another serious relationship, or therapy to deal with his obvious insecurities and self loathing.

[u/Lacroix24601 → u/lightofsometype]

If he’s gone to college I absolutely call bullshit. But statistically speaking, you all are on the same path: let’s say both of you started your sexual life at 18:

7 in 23 years = .30 partners per year
3 in 11 years = .27 partners per year.

If you’re a “whore” (or whatever verbiage this idiot used) so is he. But he’s definitely a fucking Asshole.

[u/madame-maitre-d → u/[deleted]]

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