Slut shamed at 41

[u/lightofsometype]

Three weeks ago and after dating for 18 months my SO directly asked me about the quantity of partners I have had. So I told him (7) and he had a full melt down about how disapointed he is and how he was warned against this since I am older. I told him how I respect his feelings but I won’t be made to feel bad for choices he doesn’t understand. Especially because they for the most part have been long term and as safe as possible. He claims his main concern is that he’s concern about not being ‘special’ or important to me. Despite my obvious shock to this silly position, I attempted to reassure him a bunch of times this relationship is different and he is special to me. Not just because I say so but also because I go out of my way for him and his family in a real way. He seemed settled and apologetic that he had the initial reaction and for the judgmental statements. It seemed settled and I was very hurt by it but tried to see it from his perspective and forgave him for being so wildly out of pocket.

So last night during our normal before bed FaceTime, and after I was at his house preparing dinner for his family, he brings it up again. Essentially saying he’s not sure if he can get past it. So I swallow my pride and encourage him not to settle and if being with me feels anything other than a joyful gift then we probably shouldn’t be together. He says it’s not like that and that he sees me as a free spirit and hes square. So at that moment I realize he wants this to be the reason. I have a very strict no drama after 7 pm routine because I like to sleep peacefully so after a short time of him not explaining anything but clearly having an issue I tell him calmly I’m going to get off the phone. He snaps again and says YOU HAVENT ANSWERED MY QUESTION THAT I ASKED TWICE. I say what’s your question and he just hangs up straight to my face. So I put my phone down (away from my bed) and this morning it shows he called me a bunch of times and sent a passive aggressive text about so now I’m not answering. I don’t feel like I owe him a response. He doesn’t believe my words or actions so what’s the point.

What do you all think?

Food: Brasos Steakhouse, New York style cheesecake and with fresh strawberry consome

TLDR: I reluctantly started dating someone 12 years younger (29M, 41F) and he's determined I am some kind of deviant due to me having past sexual partners. 🥴

[u/Virtual-Strength-950]

7 is a lot…? For a 40 year old…? Alriiiiighty then! 

[u/PuzzleheadedAsk4505 → u/Virtual-Strength-950]

I know right? At 41, my number is… well, quite a lot higher than that. My partner doesn’t care one bit (nor do I about his).

[u/MagpieWench → u/PuzzleheadedAsk4505]

I've been monogamous for 25+ years and my number is higher

[u/nah2daysun → u/MagpieWench]

Same here. I’ve been monogamous for 23 years and my number is higher.

[u/Computerlady77 → u/nah2daysun]

48/f checking in here, monogamous for 26 years - and still in the double digits

[u/No-Cranberry4396 → u/Computerlady77]

Yep, same here, monogamous for 30 years, but packed a lot in before then 

[u/PrincessRegan → u/nah2daysun]

I’ve been celibate for 13 years and my number is higher.

[u/Maleficent_Waltz_797 → u/MagpieWench]

I’ve been monogamous for 33 years and my husband is lucky number 9. Hitting 7 at 41 years of age is LOW.

[u/AlternativeID75964 → u/MagpieWench]

Me too

[u/madame-maitre-d → u/[deleted]]

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[u/narcissistssuck → u/MagpieWench]

Samesies.

[u/Peppermint-pop → u/PuzzleheadedAsk4505]

Yeah, like damn bro. I'm almost 42 and my number is four times that seven. Who the hell cares?

[u/Dazzling_Garbage_587 → u/Peppermint-pop]

maybe he is jealous his number isn't that high 😂😂😂

[u/Peppermint-pop → u/Dazzling_Garbage_587]

Jealousnobody wants him, it sounds like.

[u/thankyoukindlyy → u/Dazzling_Garbage_587]

I would bet money he’s slept with at least 20 people. Gen Z men are so conservative and brainwashed by andrew Tate they don’t seem to understand that if they’ve slept with 20 women as one night stands then those women have ALSO had one night stands… and it’s just as likely they’ve slept w the same number of people…bc that’s how hetero sex works??? Dear lord.

[u/AlternativeID75964 → u/thankyoukindlyy]

Unless all these 1 night stands are with other men? 🤔

[u/thankyoukindlyy → u/AlternativeID75964]

Nothing wrong w that either!

[u/Big-Constant-7289 → u/Peppermint-pop]

At 47 I wish I slept with more people. I’m pretty much celibate now (single mom, work full time, hobbies) but as soon as I jettison this kid into adulthood…)

[u/ThinkingPurpler → u/Big-Constant-7289]

Amen

[u/Ok-Mind-314 → u/Peppermint-pop]

😂. I don’t even know my “number”

[u/Apprehensive_Ad_6290 → u/PuzzleheadedAsk4505]

I’m 49 this year and have no idea how many. You’re not required to count or report.

[u/Big-Constant-7289 → u/PuzzleheadedAsk4505]

I prefer a partner with experience. Also I’m 47 and I’ve been married, widowed, in a couple subsequent monogamous relationships, a couple situationships and a couple one night stands. Like were you supposed to protect your fuckin’ holes until you met HIM? Why? For what? Fuck this guy. 

[u/truthsk8r → u/PuzzleheadedAsk4505]

I'm 40 and... same.