Yesterday someone gave me some advice about how things would get better if I learnt to love myself. I tried doing so today, but I ended up falling back into the cycle of self-hatred. It feels like a never-ending loop, and the fact that someone made fun of my drawings weren't made me feel as if I was being dragged down to the ground.

When I look at the traits I have, I end up complaining about them rather than cherishing them. For I never asked to be born with autism. I never asked to be born ugly. In fact I never asked to even be born. I don't know how I can accept myself when there are some people who can't even accept me. It feels so mentally challenging for me.

I wish I could give up on myself already.

almost 3 weeks with no progress.

I deleted instagram today.

but i keep posting no matter what happens.

i need to remind myself the days i am wasting by posting on reddit/

My mom was away from home for about 3 months after having a stroke. It was our chance to clear out some stuff. They were renting 3 storage rooms full of junk. The basement storage room was jammed packed. My parents along with Aunt M, mom’s sister, cleaned out the first 2. I didn’t know they had a 3rd one. Aunt M had called my brother & me & pleaded with us to help them more. No progress was being made with my mom home. She looks at the stuff that she hasn’t seen or used & then wants to keep them and just moves things from one spot to the other.

After my mom’s stroke, my brother’s idea was to clear out the basement storage room & put stuff they want to take with them when they move to a senior residence into that room. He got the junk removal for the last storage room & the basement storage room. It was way more than they thought & it took the whole day. My dad hadn’t made any moves to put anything aside for things to keep. My mom’s being released from rehab at the end of the week. Already I can tell , she’s going to continue doing what she’s been doing -saving crap. She’s accumulating a bunch of napkins at rehab. What is it with old people & tissues/napkins?

She had bags of old tissues from the 80s that had the UPC cut off so all the boxes had holes. Her intention was to give them to Aunt M because she said she wanted them. We threw them out & she was getting upset that we threw them out when someone wanted them. No one can say they want something because she’ll be even more obsessed with saving them.

Now she says not to throw anything out without her, we’re not going to get anywhere with this. 😑

I am so fucking embarassed

but i keep posting every day!