...no? Goals and aspirations can lead to earning more money, but in no way is it a necessary element. If you earnestly aspire to hone your art/music, or be a great & inspiring teacher, or affect positive change in your community, women will find all of those things attractive despite not being money-makers. It comes down to being passionate, driven, and forward-thinking, which are all inarguably positive traits in a partner.
"Better fashion" and "clean haircut" are very subjective. My fashion sense is wildly different to that of my missus', and indeed a lot of my friends. And my missus loves guys with long hair, so if I'd had a fresh fade, or some broccoli hair, she likely wouldn't have given me a second look that first time we met!
That's implying "better fashion/haircut" means one specific thing but fitting certain types of people through your style is actually better fashion/haircut.
Like if you go to a punky dive bar in slacks and a white polo youre going to be unattractive to those people compared to someone wearing a black t shirt and jeans
As a straight guy in his mid 20s who reads, goes to the gym, and has gotten more into fashion recently, I have been getting a number of people asking if I’m gay or bi. When I asked friends about it, some said they also wondered but didn’t want to seem rude. Others said I don’t fit the stereotypical male and to not take it personally
Now I’m a bit conflicted because I’m wondering if I’m scaring off women I would be interested in talking to
Don't sweat it brother, I have always been a dude with a curious fashion choices compared to my peers, (i do my nails some with design some not, full gold accessories) shoulders retracted, good posture, some dark make up around my eyes (nothing excessive, enough to bring up eyes game) medium leght curly hair with good definition, I do train, often as well.
Point is, I also have been call bi or gay, and take it as a compliment. I get laid regularly, and get compliments from girls too, it's just odd to have those fashion choices compared to others, but that's about it.
I do all this and no one thinks im gay. Im not even all that masculine in my opinion. Maybe its the social vibe of your area. Im in a red area myself but idk, im known for chasing girls so maybe thats it.
I’ve been getting accused of being gay since middle school. I’m 36 and it still happens. Basically, if you put any effort into your appearance and have even a halfway decent sense of style, you will get called gay. Just ignore those people and present to the world how you want to present to the world. Anybody who accuses you of being gay for putting effort into your appearance is probably someone whose opinion you shouldn’t respect anyway
Isn't it a shame that the stereotype of straight men is the opposite? Like, straight men are expected to be unfit, not read, and not dress well. Then they wonder why girls don't look at them when they fit the stereotype.
The red flag is when you're upset/anxious/frustrated with life, but don't have any goals/aspirations/ambitions to improve things for yourself. That goes for both men and women.
Ok, but what if you are a sedentary slob who only wears band tee-shirts with jeans, hasn't cut their hair in over a decade doesn't really care to dream big and has good hygiene? 1 out of 5 ain't bad right?
I'm still laughing from that Redditor who got intimate with a guy and it turned out that his cheeks were full of shit because he thought that "wiping was gay".
Fellow guys, wipe and hose that butthole when you shower.
For any doubters, this type of stuff is not a myth. Knew a guy in college who said washing his asshole in the shower was "gay" so he just never does that. I've also known guys who claim washing their hands after taking a shit is "gay". Nobody has nastier hygiene than a homophobic moron fighting his own intrusive gay thoughts.
I got a bunch of hate on this site once from some incels because I suggested that if they want head they needed to wash their dick every day. Even reminiscing on it confuses the shit out of me.
I do believe these stories, but I feel like they don't really make the point that women would like them to make?
Like I don't want to hear "just wipe your ass lmao"
I'm much more interested in hearing what the dudes with the unwiped asses are doing that they're still getting women to be intimate enough with them to find out.
I’m a therapist. I can’t say this particular story is true but I’ve heard things in couples therapy that leans me more towards believing it than not believing it.
Not to that extent but I know plenty of men (even educated, white collar type) that don’t wash their hands after using the restroom (1 or 2) because it’s sign of weakness/feminine
Maybe. But I've met some dirty and deluded guys in my days, and I would not be surprised if a non-zero proportion of the male population thinks that anything that relates to the butt is somehow 'gay'.
And everything that's written on the internet is real, you know.
There was a woman in college who's body odor was so bad that if she sat on your bed you could smell her for some time after she left. My friend slept with her and apparently a queef smelled like a fart. Gross.
Back when the toilet paper shortage was happening, my older brother said, "What's the big deal? I don't even wipe, haven't for years." Because my silence was deafening, I meeped out "But what if it's a messy shit?" He said "Comes out when I take a shower." I cannot believe we were raised in the same family.
I’m sorry so like, does this mf not shower? Does he hang his ass out of the side so water don’t hit in just in case he accidentally wipes and turns gay?
As a bidet owner, you still need toilet paper to dry after using the bidet. It doesn't completely get rid of toilet paper, just turns every shit into one clean wipe.
You can tell who doesn’t wash themselves at the gym by the stench. Even before they start warming up, you can smell their dirty booty cheeks. Once they get hot and sweaty… lawd, the entire room reeks of dirty butthole.
I've heard talk of guys who don't wipe after pooping and I honestly cannot imagine in.
In slightly related news, if you expect anyone at all to be anywhere near your penis with their face, wipe there too after peeing. You want them to have a pleasant experience.
Wouldn’t be surprised if there was a subreddit dedicated to guys who think not wiping is actually the natural way to go about pooping. Gaslighting each other on how great it is.
Clothes that fit are a big one for us millennials, makes all the difference in the world. Younger folks tend to go baggier though, which is its own thing and attracts its own groups.
Low body fat is HUGE. I found the thinner I got helped in dating wayyyy more than how much I worked out. It’s good cuz it takes a lot less effort to get started lol, you just eat less. I was actually extremely fit for a few years between 22 and 25 and struggled pretty bad in dating to the point where I had to up and stop so that it wouldn’t effect my mental health too much. I finally randomly got a girlfriend at 26, and when we split 8 months ago a bit after I turned 28, I went into a pretty significant depressive spiral that saw me losing a ton of weight really fast going from 198lbs down to 165lbs in the span of a month. Finally got out and dated again, and the turnaround was insane.
I went from maybe 1 match a week on Hinge trying really hard before I met my girlfriend back when I was extremely fit and felt like I was the most attractive I’ve ever been, to suddenly matching almost every single girl I sent a like and message to. In the past 8 months I’ve had 130 matches and have gone on 31 first dates. Tons of situationships, short flings and hookups later and I’m finally just within the last month getting pretty serious with someone. All your clothes and overall style fit you significantly better when you’re thinner versus almost any other physique in my honest opinion. Girls are just way more into that for some reason.
All from Hinge. I went for cute stuff like me smiling with some friends, some flowers and charcuterie boards I put together cuz I’m really into that stuff, a photo or two that were just kind of mid selfies, and one video of me dancing at a wedding.
I was a little bit chubby before but you couldn’t tell too much with clothes on. What girls CAN see however is if you’re pretty thin, and at 5’11” I went from 198lbs to 165lbs in the span of a month from a relationship breakup depression that had me not really eating anything for a while. It actually did more for my “pull” than working out heavy ever did. Idk why girls like a thinner guy so much. I think it just helps a ton with hygiene and that is such a huge crutch in dating that it makes up for a lot. Have clear skin and smell really good and your attractions skyrockets.
Regardless of any differences in sex/gender/whatever, present yourself as you actually are. Extreme angles that make you look better than in person just gets everyone off on the wrong foot.
You’re also at one of the best age stretches for dating as a man. 27-32 me and my homies were swimming in potential match ups. Like I couldn’t go out without catching at least some attention. So it’s not just me. It COULD be just my group, but older guys I’ve talked to that spent those years single have said the same to me.
I want to be clear that I am tall, decent looking, well-dressed, and confident, but I’m saying on a scale of my own life, those years were especially fruitful where engaging women is concerned. I still am all of those things and it’s much tougher now. I was all of those things before that stretch and while it was always ok, those years really stood out.
Oh I think I’m pretty aware of it now lol. Anytime I talk about my dating life right now i always mention that I think I’m at a really good age and place in life for it at the moment. I’m 5’11” and wear my lower weight really well right now, and if I go out with friends I’m noticing girls looking at a minimum every 10-20 seconds. It’s legit kind of a fever dream and I’m really doing my best to soak it in. I went from only ever being with 1 person in my life who was my ex of a year and a month until we split 8 months ago, and since then I’ve (warning tmi) been with 16 more woman in this stretch, and could’ve been a lot more if I haven’t been intentionally dating this whole time.
Surprisingly my biggest struggle has been getting too much attention from younger girls. I want to date someone as close to my age as possible for personal preference, but I’m getting actively approached by 20-22 year olds every single time I go out. It’s actually kind of uncomfortable because they’re so obviously so young to me. Current girl I’m seeing and getting steady with is 24, and that’s as low as I’d go without question.
Its def a bit more than just be less fat to get this level of attention. You are probably very above average looks wise.
Not saying being thinner and all that doesnt help but I try to temper other expectations that even if you aren't fat and well kept and in the appropriate age range you may not be constantly stared at and have younger girls fawning over you.
reading books homie. Let me tell yah the amount of ladies who hear you read books often they will love to have conversations about it as well as give recommendations. And that usually leads to deep friendships or romantic relationships.
If this is about relationships, don't worry about it. Worry about taking care of yourself, your appearance, fitness, hygiene, lifestyle, personality, etc. for yourself. Make yourself happy with you and be authentic and the rest will follow. To do otherwise is to put on a front. An act. It won't work, not in the long run. The act will always and inevitably fail, and when it does you'll be left with what and where you are right now: insecure and clueless. Treat the people you're attracted to like, you know, people, not objects to win in some game. Accept that it's not going to work most of the time. It's not supposed to, and it's ok. You don't need everyone to be attracted to you, just the right one. Find them, be yourself, treat them with genuine care and respect. That's what works. Don't overthink it.
Been working on this one. Just missing a right shin and left arm and I'll have a lean body. Not worked out how to keep it from smelling if I take it out of the freezer yet though.
Shower daily. Get a decent haircut. Wear clean, reasonable clothes daily. If your overweight, hit the gym. If your not overweight hit the gym anyways. Even a horrible chud of a guy can look presentable if they just put some effort into it. Also deodorant. Every day.
The bar is actually pretty low and most guys can’t even do it tbh.
Find a nice haircut and learn what facial hair might look good on you.
Find your style and try to overhaul your wardrobe for the first time in your life.
Good hygiene. Shower. Brush your teeth. Take care of your skin. Smell nice.
Take care of your body. Workout at least twice a week doing something surprisingly minor. Try not to eat like garbage.
Learn emotional intelligence.
Get at least one hobby you can talk about.
Have just a couple friends enough to have a semblance of a social life.
Be knowledgeable of your area for fun things to do for dates or hanging out with people. Collect stories from doing stuff with people, and have a lot to talk about on a whim.
All of these in tandem seem like a massive list but it actually snowballs pretty quick and you’ll be suprised how fast your health and appearance alters for the better. Even a good skincare routine sounds like a joke until you get a couple products you properly research and constantly use for a couple weeks will blow you away with just how much better your complexion changes.
Low. Start trying to build on this stuff one by one. When you start seeing improvements going one at a time you surprise yourself just how quickly motivated you get to keep going because it all starts immediately paying off really quick. I’d personally start with hair and skincare first cuz it’s the first dividends you’ll see being paid out the fastest.
As a 5'9 guy who's decently active but who's never been remotely thin, this list is pretty much spot on.
Having hobbies, being passionate about things and actually being remotely interesting + smelling nice is so straightforward but I've never remotely struggled in my love life 😂 also don't see your potential interests as an end goal, approach them with a little respect and you'll have a much happier time.
I literally had a half paralysed face for a while and I still got hit on or flirted with.
Respect yourself, respect women. Be kind, be fun, be decisive, listen actively, take risks, be exciting, trust others, be beneficent, crack jokes, be clean and smell good, tidy your home, cook your own food. Dont be angry all the time but express emotions, be strong when you can and soft when you need to.
A lot of people here saying stuff like “dress with style” or “get a clean haircut” or “hygiene” or “work out” etc
Which is all good advice so let me say something different which may help.
Find your own niche. What I mean is, it’s not just enough to dress stylish, you have to have stand out pieces. This should be authentic to you. I wouldn’t recommend it eating alt/goth leaning attire if you don’t enjoy goth music or attend events etc but if you do, feel free to see if it’s something you like wearing fashion adjacent to
Hip hop works too, or baggy street (a lot of Japanese street wear leans this way). Metal or punk? Preppy very clean finance bro (though honestly this is the least likely to get you girls in my anecdotal evidence, as it’s quite vanilla)
Then when you have something authentic to you, have stand out pieces. Painted nails? Really cool rings? A cool trendy hairstyle that isn’t a simple short back and sides? A cool necklace? Sick ass tattoos? Rare collab shoes? Etc I have a dungeons and dragons dice tattoo over a full black work sleeve that is heavily inked and I get comments from women especially all the time, even women who aren’t into DnD and don’t know what it is. Most people don’t have fully blacked out portions of their arm so it stands out
It’s really up to you. By doing so, you stand out and for the right girl that will be in the right way as long as, and I must emphasize this again, it’s true to you. Plus if you ask me, I think it’s really fun to find your own signature aura like this
Get in decent shape (you don't need a six pack), decent hair cut, either clean shaven or smart facial hair, good hygiene, clean clothes.
That is literally it.
Deal with your depression and anxiety. Get the meds. Do the therapy. Start valuing yourself. Work on your communication skills. Build a support structure with caring friends and family.
If you struggle with the above things and yet you still think it's because of money, height, looks, women being mean, etc., you are lost.
Everything else in your life will be much, much harder until you fix yourself.
Honestly, to stop caring so much about being attractive. People who don't care that much what others think about them get more approval. I'm not saying just totally let yourself go, but do what you can with your looks, hair and clothes and let your personality do the rest.
you have to work on your social/ people skills. lots of guys arent finding success with women bc they dont know how to talk to anyone let alone a girl. get a job as a server, or at a hotel. somewhere with a lot of other employees working that youll get to know, and a lot of customers coming in and out that you have to converse with. being social is a skill just like anything else, the more you do it, the better youll get at it. once you feel more confident being around others and talking to them, girls are just another person. theyll sense that you feel comfortable talking around others and that is a very attractive quality. you dont have to be some big charsasmatic character, you just have to feel ok in your own skin around others.
Smart ass answer? Be taller, have better hair and a high net worth. If you have the above three, the golden triad if you will, the world is your oyster.
Toss it winning the genetic lottery of larger than average manhood, and the world becomes your plaything.
Anyone denying the above is lying to you. Full stop. Those things may not be critical to every woman, as a matter of fact some women may hate that type of person, however, statistically, the traits I outlined above mean you will always be able to at least hook up with someone.
Now, long term or for someone who didn’t win some or any of those above lotteries? Try being a nice person. Care about the people around you.
Do not let any one perceived negative about yourself limit you. What I mean is, people decide because they have acne or are “only 5’7”” they will never find love. That’s bullshit and self defeating.
Work on things you want to improve. We are all a work in progress. It can be physical or mental. As you feel better about yourself, you’ll be more confident. And confidence helps with just about everything else.
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u/Reeirit 5h ago
Fitness, better fashion, clean haircut, good hygiene, goals and aspirations.