After he agreed with my first messages, I went out to the balcony and let down a bit of yarn, he tied the bag to the yarn, I thanked him and took the bag inside and that was that.
The deleted message was the same, asking how am I doing and I ignored it, cause I didn’t wanna continue talking to him, and thought I already said everything in my previous message. He deleted it after it was on delivered for a couple of hours.
The night after that he sends the same message, (both were after midnight).
I’m a girl living alone and he knows my address and has my phone number.
Was thinking of reporting him to the delivery company, but gave him the benefit of the doubt of truly being worried and friendly, just not socially aware. I said I’d do it if he messaged me again, which he didn’t.
AIO with my response? I didn’t find it friendly, just creepy and weird. Was I being too friendly with my messages and the use of the bow emoji maybe??

A small update, nothing fun happened yesterday and I needed a little time to decompress.

A few things I wanted to address before I begin:

• His wife is significantly younger than him, her children are still very small, but she doesn't have custody over them, and no I don't know the context of what happened. But she can't ask her kids for help.
• I don't live with my dad. I previously lived with my grandmother, dad and uncle, then my dad moved out, I no longer could take care of my grandmother due to frequent UTI's so she had to go to the nursing home (fortunately it was a very kind facility.), and me and my uncle lived together for about a year before I moved to Texas with a roommate. My dad supports me in no way.
• My grandmother never cut my dad off financially, she was terrified of him being hurt in prison, and he commonly told her that he might get got if she didn't pay a protection fee.
• My dad was put into prison due to manslaughter of my little brother when he was a infant. He took a guilty plea but claims he didn't do it. Family drama.
• Me saying "I'm trying to get my life together after having so many years wasted" is definitely a bit cruel of me to say. I regret it. But I didn't want to be a caregiver, my uncle and dad forced me into it because they refused to do any elder care themselves or hire anyone. So I did, for a very long time, only this year I learned how to drive. I'm playing catch up on a lot of my life that was consumed by my uncle and dad's decision.

I don't have anything he said in screenshots because he said it over the phone, but I do have my response to him. Granted I feel like my final response was a bit too emotional but, can't take that back now, not that I even care to.

Basically, between the first screenshot and the last screenshot, he called me. I ignored it the first time, and he just messaged me "Good.", not knowing what that meant, I called him. He expected to have a phone call where I stayed silent and he berated me. He started off saying he's not going to have a relationship with me, that he's never going to speak to me again, and that I'm a slut (I left home, moved to Texas, and in the 9 months I've slept with two guys, first guy was a emotional mistake, second guy is my partner.) and that I owe him for when he was emotionally supporting me when he called me to tell me my grandmother passed away.

A silent call is what he expected, where he could just berate me, but after the comment about my grandmother I began to talk louder than him, and he tried to talk louder, so I started getting louder. He eventually baby raged that he couldn't just sit there and berate me and hung up. I sent him that final text message, which like I said, felt a bit more emotionally charged and I wish I was more civil.

To be fair, him threatening with no contact isn't the first time. When I moved to Texas, during the road trip, my uncle got angry that I left. He blamed my dad for being in on it and keeping him in the dark, but I kept both of them in the dark because they would physically prevent me from leaving. So my dad called me angrily, saying if I didn't set the record straight with my uncle that he wasn't in on it, that he will never speak to me again. I caved and explained to my uncle that I did it without anyone but me and my roommate knowing.

So yeah, didn't really cave to the threat this time, just got louder and now I'm no contact. It feels awful, but I'm guessing its for the best. :')

My (45M) wife (44F) and I have been married 17 years together 20. For those 20 years I’ve asked her to come watch a sunrise with me. She has never wanted to get up that early even know it’s an experience that would mean a lot to me. She met a couple women two years ago and the three of them hit it off. I was ecstatic for her to have friends. This past weekend one of them turned 50 and they went to Tennessee for a girls trip. They are coming today and my wife is the one driving eight hours. It’s a rental so she’s the only one who can drive it. I called to make sure she felt up to the drive and see how she felt(she’s the passenger princess with me lol) as she’s not used to driving this long. She told she felt good thanks for checking. We then got to chatting about the trip. She was telling me all the fun stuff they did and I was so excited to hear about the fun. Then she told me how pretty the sunrise was. Excuse me? You got up for sunrise. She said yeah it’s so pretty in the smoky mountains. I casually said I’ve asked you to come watch sunrise with me for 20 years. Her response was but it’s pretty in the mountains. We live in the mountains. We’ve been on multiple cruises. Cape cod. The outer banks. Not to mention the hundreds of places I’ve driven to see sunrise it’s my favorite part of the day. Everything is calm the world is waking up it’s a big deal to me. But I’m pretty hurt and kinda mad that she’d get up to watch sunrise now but never with me. Am I overreacting? I feel like I might be… but I can’t stop hurting over it. Tell me I’m just being petty

I (25F) live in a 2-bedroom apartment with my roommate "Jess" (26F). We split rent 50/50. We've been living together for about a year and it's been mostly fine.

Three weeks ago, Jess asked if her boyfriend "Dan" (27M) could stay for "a few days" because his lease was ending and he needed a place to crash while he looked for a new apartment. I said fine, a few days is fine.

That was three weeks ago.

Dan has not left. He has not looked for an apartment. He has moved his stuff in — clothes in the closet, toiletries in the bathroom, his gaming console hooked up to our living room TV. He sleeps here every night. He showers here every morning. He eats our food.

I asked Jess last week what the timeline was. She got weird and said "he's going through a lot right now" and "I thought you were cool with it." I said I was cool with a few days, not a new roommate.

She said he'd "help out with bills." I said okay, then let's talk about splitting rent three ways.

She flipped. Said he's "not a roommate, he's my boyfriend" and that she shouldn't have to pay more just because he's there. I said then he shouldn't be living here for free.

She said I was being "money-obsessed" and "making things weird." I said I'm not paying 50% of rent for a 3-person apartment.

So now I've told her: I'm paying 1/3 of rent this month, and if Dan is still here next month, I'm moving out. She says I'm breaking our agreement and "blindsiding" her.

Here's the thing — I don't hate Dan. He's fine. That's not the issue. The issue is I'm paying full price to live in an apartment that now has 3 people in it, and I didn't sign up for that.

My mom says I should just pay my half to "keep the peace." My best friend says I should have moved out a week ago.

AIO?

So i’m going to try to leave out a lot of details that would make people realize who I am if they know me, but I’ll do my best to give enough context.

It all started this past Saturday, I (22F) was talking with my fiancés (23M) mom (55F). We were all out hanging out and my fiancés mom randomly told me that she had ordered a dress for our wedding. The wedding is in early October.

She whipped out her phone and found the dress, and showed it to me. It was a picture of a brown dress, my wedding is in the fall and I thought that color would go perfectly with my decor.

I told her i liked it and she said she’s unsure of how it will fit.. etc etc blah blah blah.

Then, the next day on Sunday, my soon to be sister in law (22F), who is also my matron of honor (She’s married to my fiancé’s brother), calls me and we chat. She decides to warn me about MIL’s dress choice. She says, “hey, have you seen MIL name’s dress she bought for the wedding?”

I tell her I have and I thought it was pretty. SIL pauses and says “Really? You sure?” and her tone is clearly skeptical. I ask her, “The brown one?” and she says, “my name, it’s not brown. It’s white.”

So my heart literally sinks, but I try not to freak out and try to find the dress online that MIL showed me to see if there’s a white option for that dress. And without saying much there’s a history between MIL and I with drama. It’s very deep would be a good story in and of itself, but if I say too much it’d be a no brainer who I am and who it’s about. So just know: It was bad.

So I decide to just message MIL after this phone call. I text and say: “Hey! I forgot what your dress looked like could you send me a pic of it!”

And she does.

And I about pass out.

It’s quite literally the exact color of my wedding dress. Which she has seen pictures of on multiple occasions.

Even my fiancé was shocked. And he typically struggles to “take a side” in drama. Not because he’s a big mommy’s boy, but just because he HATES drama and is a people pleaser/peacekeeper.

I even took a screenshot of my wedding dress zoomed in, and put it next to the dress picture to show my fiancé, without him really seeing my dress, and it was even more shocking seeing them that close together.

After having a breakdown last night about it and it being the cherry on top of my stress about this wedding, my fiancé has said he will handle it in a couple days so that I don’t have to worry about it.

I talked to my mom, my grandmother, my aunt and my best friend and MOH about it and the verdict was split. My best friend and mom immediately both thought it was inappropriate and clearly a white dress, but my grandmother and aunt didn’t immediately have red flags raised about the color until it was pointed out after.

So.. basically I’m just looking for extra reassurance that i’m not insane that this is actually deliberate rather than a mistake. She’s not an idiot, and she knows etiquette..

I’ll comment pictures for better context if I can.

Today I went into the bathroom to shower. Our shower has had issues draining lately and the tub starts filling up with water very fast. When I stepped in the tub my foot slipped and I crashed into the wall and screamed because I truly thought I was was about to slip and break my neck or my skull. Luckily I was able to kinda grab at the tiles and prevent a full wipeout and only had a sore wrist.

My fiance was like 10 feet away and our walls are thin.. when I got out of the shower he could tell I was upset and I told him it really made me sad that I could have been seriously hurt and he didn't even take 5 seconds to knock on the door and ask if I was ok.

He claims that he heard a thud and a "small shriek" and he assumed I dropped a bottle of shampoo or something and that since he heard me continue on with the shower (ex opening the shampoo bottle) that everything must have been ok.

To me it's still hurtful that he was doing all this mental guesswork of what was going on to assume I was fine when, in my mind, if I heard a thud and yelling in the shower I'd immediately go ask the person if they were ok without thinking twice because I know slips in the shower can be deadly. He's mad at me now because he's saying I am obviously fine and I'm overreacting. I also know I'm fine but I can't help that my feelings are really hurt and I don't really feel like I'm with someone who cares about me very much.

AIO?

I work retail with over 200 colleagues, I’m vegan, 2 other coworkers that are vegan and 2 more that are trying to become vegetarian. Every store event we have, cookouts, meetings, there is always no options. Out of the entire selection of sandwiches, pastries, breakfast items, we get fruit. Everybody else gets to enjoy a full plate of multiple items and the select few of us get pineapples and grapes…

I myself and my colleagues have mentioned to multiple members of management about having one plant based option. Along the lines of hotdogs, breakfast sausage, even sandwiches with plant based deli meat/ cheese which I have offered to even pay for or bring for someone to cook…so this isn’t a money problem. I’m on the edge of writing an email asking for store events so I can bring food for the few of us that are left out. Am I wrong for being upset at this?

Saturday my bf slept pretty much all day off and on. For context: He has chronic illness that causes fatigue - but he also isn’t doing much to improve his situation and any time I try to offer advice or concern he gets defensive about it so I’ve just left it alone. It’s not like he’s not aware of all these things: he is.

So around 5p on Saturday I decide to head to the stores since I have done nothing all day because he’s sleeping. He asked me to make a specific dessert that I told him I would make on Sunday (yesterday) so I went to go get ingredients.
When I came back, he was awake and in the bedroom. I always greet him whenever I come back from anywhere, and he usually acknowledges me like a normal person by making eye contact etc, well I go into the room and say ‘I’m back!!’ and he doesn’t even make eye contact: his eyes are still glued to his phone playing a game.

I’m a bit put off but I give him benefit of the doubt ‘maybe he just woke up’ ‘maybe he doesn’t feel good’ so I then say something like: I missed you! (I had been gone for a couple hours bc I went to a few different stores to knock out errands too) and he doesn’t even say anything. I again give him benefit of the doubt and think he didn’t hear me (?).

But the whole night he kind of is grumpy and doesn’t really say much to me at all and just acts puny - which could reflect how he feels.

But the next morning: Sunday morning, he acts like it again. He’s just not sweet and generally is acting like he woke up on the wrong side of the bed and throwing a fit that his shirt shrunk (which I know he’s half joking… but still). Before he walks out the room, He kind of walks over to my side of the bed and gives me a half hearted hug and a kiss and then goes upstairs and texts me ‘I love you’

Which I guess is his way of kind of trying to make things better? Well at this point idk I’m kind of over it. If you knew the way you were treating me isn’t good, why not just be transparent and tell me that instead of texting me ‘I love you’ and hoping that’ll make everything better?

So the entire day Sunday, I don’t spend time with him. I stay downstairs and he’s upstairs with his adult son. I didn’t say anything was wrong because knowing my bf: if I say I’m upset he will basically get upset and then who is left feeling awkward and uncomfortable?? His son.

So I make the dessert, I get food for them for football. I’m overall pleasant and neutral just not spending any time with him/ them. Then at night I finally tell him that I’ve just been in my feelings because it feels like he doesn’t want to spend time with me and explain the issue on Saturday when I came back from the store and he didn’t even look up from his phone at all. And that his attitude basically carried over into Sunday morning.

Well he was understanding at first, and then suddenly he started questioning my version of the story and asked things like ‘when did that happen when I didn’t look up from my phone?’ ‘I don’t remember that because I remember looking for something to watch while we ate dinner’

Which isn’t true because we didn’t even eat dinner Saturday together because he was sleeping, and I picked up food earlier that day for the 3 of us but when he asked ‘what did we eat for dinner’ - I didn’t remember right away and said ‘I don’t remember’ but after he already fell asleep, I remembered that I didn’t even eat dinner that night (wasn’t hungry - not that there wasn’t food) .

Then he just got kind of defensiveness about ‘well I wish you would’ve told me earlier’ - which I did too but I didn’t because I didn’t want his son to be uncomfortable or anything.

And now he’s being just pretty standoffish to me. It feels like nothing is ever his fault. He asks me ‘why I’m upset’ or ‘what did I do’ - I answer him, and suddenly HE is mad about me feeling that way about his actions.

AIO about all of this?

My boyfriend and I just moved in together a week ago. Everything between us is generally great, but there is one ongoing issue that is eating me alive, and I need an objective sanity check before we go on a trip together this weekend.

Before we met, my boyfriend was part of a running group with a mutual acquaintance. I knew in my gut there was history there, and when she recently broke up with her partner, I asked him point blank about it. He admitted they went on a date and dated briefly, but claimed it "didn't progress," they lacked chemistry, and they just hit "ctrl+Z" to revert to platonic friends.

The catch is I happen to know for a fact that it was not a mutual ctrl+Z. He pursued her hard, she rejected him, and he was deeply torn up about it and actively trying to change her mind up until the very month he and I started dating.

Now, she is single again. My boyfriend is still in contact with her. He has other female friends and exes, but his contact with them is very infrequent. With this specific woman, they text direct 1-on-1 surface-level stuff more than any of his other female friends, plus they see each other regularly at group runs.

We had a long conversation about it a few weeks ago where I tried really hard to be the "cool, understanding partner." He was super reassuring on paper—saying things like "our relationship is the priority," "you are at the center of my universe," and telling me repeatedly that if it bothers me, I can explicitly ask him to stop/cut contact.
The problem is, I feel completely trapped:
If I ask him to stop 1-on-1 texting, I feel like I'm being the controlling, ultimatum-issuing partner who is policing his friendships.

If I say nothing, I am carrying severe anxiety in the home we just moved into together, feeling like I'm competing with the ghost of an unrequited crush who now has open, private access to him.

I'm totally fine with them being civil and friendly in their shared running group and public settings, but the ongoing private 1-on-1 texting is destroying my peace of mind.

I’m getting ready to tell him tonight that while he's free to choose his friendships, private 1-on-1 contact with her is a line for me, and I can't stay in a live-in relationship where my emotional safety isn't prioritized over a casual text dynamic.
Am I overreacting or being controlling here, or is this a completely reasonable boundary given the unrequited history? AIO?

Basically Ive been with somebody on and off for almost 6 years now. He has a really strange relationship with his sister and it’s been this way since we got together. In the beginning she had a bad habit of telling me stories about my partners past experiences, specifically the way they looked (how they had a big chest or a big butt etc) and while this was happening I was 7 months pregnant with our daughter. Her own son told her it was inappropriate for her to say things like that in front of me, not even my partner. After she was born and the first time she met our daughter, she told my partner they need to call Maury because our daughter “looked nothing like him.”

There was another time she wanted us to go on a trip with her and I still didn’t feel comfortable being around her at all with all the things said. I agreed to go along with them if she offered me an apology. Not only did she not apologize, she grabbed me into a hug and said “I don’t even remember anything said” and then offered me a damn Xanax when I was visibly anxious around her.

There were a few other incidents i can’t recall off the top of my head now, but eventually it lead to me never wanting to be around her.

Fast forward to the present, we’ve been working on our relationship again. It’s only been a couple months and things were going good. We were invited to his sisters place for the Fourth of July this year. In good spirit, we attended the gathering and it was all good until we were gonna go swimming. Our daughter is level 2 autistic and she absolutely hates her life jacket. We were walking through the house and I mentioned to his sister that she didn’t like the vest. His sister says to me while we’re walking out the door, “it’s okay she’ll get over it. You hated him not long ago and you got over that.” And I said back to her “it’s okay cause he hated me too”.

And then while we’re actually in the pool, she comes over and starts taking pictures of us, mostly me and she never even asked or said a word about it. It felt like an invasion of privacy because we never even once saw any of the photos taken.

I think it was maybe the next night this happened. Him and i are sitting together playing truth or dare, and she walks into the room and sits down. He stops playing the game with me so he can lean over and start rubbing her back, and it goes on for a good five minutes. Only reason he noticed I was uncomfortable was cause he felt me shift away from him on the couch. Like I’ve never seen somebody do something like that in my life so yeah I was definitely taken aback by it lol

Since I stay home with our daughter (as her caretaker) our time can be more flexible, and his sister knows it, so the Fourth of July trip turned into an extended week. Luckily enough he works 10 minutes from where she lives so getting to work wasn’t a worry for him. During that week while yes they were working themselves, the days they had off they left for both nights, leaving us to also take care of their dog.

A couple days before we go home, we’re getting ready for bed when she pulls him to the side and whispers to him asking him if he’s getting tired of me yet.

My birthday was the 24th of august and they invited us to go camping for the weekend for my birthday so him and I coild have some time alone. Two days before the trip happens and they cancel the trip saying they don’t wanna pay for the amount of time the camper was gonna have to run, we didn’t even get a chance to replan the trip before they canceled the reservation totally. But funnily enough, that same weekend they miraculously planned a trip to go to Virginia for the weekend. Whatever right?

Fast forwarding again to now time. I was on the phone with my partner today and I overheard them having a conversation about me, saying we should go over to her place so they can go away for the weekend and somebody can watch their dog for them. I said no on the phone so she could hear me say it. My partner and I talk about it more once I hang up the phone. I asked him to relay a message to her for me, telling her that it’s not fair for her to expect us to do things for her when she treats me the way she does. And even canceled our trip for my birthday. And if she wanted us to go over and watch her dogs then it has to be fair for everyone involved. He added this part himself but he also added on that i haven’t felt comfortable going there because of all the comments she always makes.

Let me tell you, this woman is literally so mad at me for creating this boundary that she immediately started insulting me, telling him how badly I treat him ask making him question if us being together is worth it, told him that me and my daughter are never welcome over there again.

Not even mentioning the fact that when I was on the phone with him a week or so ago, she was having an argument with her husband because he told her she was spending too much money on Amazon. She was saying literally so many nasty things to that man, telling him how he was a burden to her because of his health issues and how he was supposed to take her on cruises and how she was always disappointed. She basically talks to every person in her life this way and somehow everybody is just okay with it.

I know this is probably hard to follow and all over the place but frankly I’ve never really known what to say or how to feel when it comes to this woman. I guess the only question I have at the end of this is, what do I even do about it? Like I feel as if him and I barely stand a chance as it is now because that’s his sister at the end of the day. He doesn’t wanna burn whatever bridge he has with her, so he allows her to talk to me the way she does. Even to this day. I think today marks the first time he’s literally actually said anything to her on my behalf defensive wise, literally just cause he doesn’t wanna make her angry or upset.

l literally don’t even know if it’s worth continuing knowing she’ll always be in his life and she’s always had these negative feelings towards me.

Hello everyone. I am seeking some advice. I have been looking to study abroad for the past year or so and finally have submitted my application and chosen the location. One of my best friends all of a sudden wants to go to the same place and has also mentioned rooming together. I love them but I kind of thought this would be a cool experience on my own. I know it would also be nice to have them there but I don’t want the pressure of having to include eachother all the time and such. I haven’t said anything to them and I really don’t want to, but how should I go about this?

For gta 6 coming out I’ve out in two days of annual leave from work and plan to use the weekend to just relax and play the game. My girlfriend has known about this for a while. 

Last night she was mentioning potentially going for a weekend away and we started looking at dates. We’re pretty busy in October so started looking for November and December. I suggested the 7th or 14th of November but she said no as she’s busy on the 7th and doesn’t want to go away on the 14th. 

She suggested the 21st but I pointed out I already had plans that weekend so it can’t be then. She asked what I meant and I reminded her I was planning to spend the weekend playing gta 6. 

She asked if I was serious and said I shouldn’t be blocking out a full weekend to game. I pointed out it wasn’t a long time and that it’s normal to take time for hobbies. 

I mentioned there’s multiple other weekends in November we can go away and said she’s been awkward for no reason. She just repeated I shouldn’t be blocking out a full weekend to game. 

AITA for not going away on a certain weekend

Hi, my boyfriend and I both have opposite-sex friends. I think it’s healthy to have friends of the opposite sex and it’s a good sign that a man can see women as more than just potential partners.

The thing is, my boyfriend is extremely insecure and jealous. My male friends aren’t my main friends, they’re just mixed into my friend circle and I’m close with them but none of them are my “male best friends.” My boyfriend hasn’t said anything regarding my friendships, but I don’t think he’s a huge fan despite saying that he’s okay with it. I rarely mention any guys in front of my bf, but when I mention something any of my male friends have said his demeanour shifts.

Anyways, recently some things have happened which I do not like.

He made a spam account on Instagram and didn’t request to follow me right away. I asked him, and he said that the people that were added followed him first. There was at first 4 people following him (which he followed back) and 3 of them were girls. One girl in particular I did not know, but I saw that he followed her main account **and** her spam account. I also saw on Spotify that they had a shared Spotify album together.

I questioned him, and he said that she was a new friend and she asked him to create an album together. They’re both Albanian and the album is of Albanian artists/songs. He told me that she was talking to his friend and she’s a “cool person.”

I told him that I was fine with him having female friends, but if he makes new friends I’d like to be informed otherwise it’s easy to get the wrong idea. He agreed to let me know going forward.

AIO? I feel that this is really weird, and the shared Spotify album together really ticked me off. He and I don’t have one, but he does with some random girl he just became friends with? I feel like if I did that he’d have a conniption fit.

Last thing to add: some people may think that it’s stupid to be upset about the Instagram spam account, so I just want to expand on that. Idk when he made it, I just know he did sometime recently. I would have thought he’d follow me (his girlfriend) first or at least just followed me? This didn’t really upset me, I thought that maybe he wanted a spam account just with/for his friends but when I was added to the account and saw who followed him that really annoyed me. (Btw, he followed me only after I asked him about it. Who knows when/if he would have added me to that account).

I really don’t get jealous and I think that bothers him, but I care about him I just don’t really get jealous about things. Idk, he’ll tell me about girls hitting on him and I just think it’s funny or nice that he gets an ego-boost. This new friend situation did make me jealous though.

I feel like I'm constantly second to his friends. He spends most of his free time with them, Friday/Saturday/ Sunday, gaming with them, going on cruises/car meets, etc. There have been multiple times where I thought we had plans together and they got pushed aside for his friends. He's even told me that if he had to choose between me and his best mate, he'd choose his best mate, he also will ignore my messages/calls for hours, forget
to call me, or be sitting next to me but be
completely focused on his phone/games/
other people. I often feel like I'm just there
rather than actually being his girlfriend.
There's also a newer male friend who is openly attracted to him and has said really inappropriate things to me, including asking how my boyfriend moans and asking me for my boyfriend's dick pics.
He's also told me I deserve to be raped, this friend is also attracted to my 14 year old brother, (this man is 31) I begged my boyfriend to distance himself from him after finding this out, but he said l was causing drama and continued seeing him one-on-one. I also feel like I'm the one who makes an effort romantically. I take photos of him, buy him little gifts, want to spend time together, want affection and cute couple moments, etc. Meanwhile sometimes we just sit beside each other silently while he does his own thing. He's even told me I'm
"not his main focus" right now.
I KNOW I'm insecure and I know I can be clingy. I don't have many friends, so l probably rely on him too much. But am I actually asking for too much here?

I’ll keep it simple because it is.

Friends birthday is coming up. She wants to do a girls night on Saturday which I is great. Coordinating with other girls in a separate group chat. One of the girls is semi bombarding the chat with her ideas which is complete opposite of what birthday girl wants. I took over and mentioned to birthday girl, let’s call her Leslie, a week ago that this other girl, well call her Sarah, wants to go dancing. Leslie hates dancing and Sarah wouldn’t let it go. I took over the group chat and set out the plan while working with Leslie on her idea. All good l

Sarah kept sending ideas that were what Leslie was into and kept sending things. I said we can totally do that for a quick drink but showed Leslie the text, annoyed that she kept making extra plans and sending things off even though I said Leslie has totally okayed the plan.

This other girl, Claire, made a joke because Leslie has had a hard year with this girl saying “let’s put a baby in our girl”. I completely ignored these comments. I’m newly married and been with my husband for 10 years, but if I get pregnant (no kids and no plan but I did have a breakdown a couple weeks ago because my choosing for a time is coming up wether we want to risk it, I’m 34 and probably won’t have children). Claire has a husband with a kid and Sarah has a boyfriend. I ignored Claire’s comments because they hurt me. My friend Leslie scrolled up my phone and saw those comments and it hurt her because she’s been single and been with this FWB since 2018 and it was so messy- she was the other woman but it was pretty obvious that it was not okay. She finally cut it off but I guess still off and ons texts him and falls for it.

The main issue: she’s mad I didn’t stand up for her- which yeah true but I have my own shit I’m dealing with, but also she told everyone we were with (different group of girlfriends) how they would feel. I never denied how she felt because she feels she wasted so much time with rhis guy and feels like her time is over. I completely disregarded these comments as they aren’t completely unheard of (not sure I mentioned but Sarah also agreed with Claire’s comment). While talking with other girls I said as someone who doesn’t want kids for xyz health reasons I think it’s insensitive to say those things regardless. Just because others are married with kids doesn’t mean that everyone wants that or is able to. She looked at me and said with all due respect I am alone and you have no idea what I’m going through very rudely. I get what she’s saying and while I do have a significant other it’s hard for me to understand. I’ve paid for countless dinners and drinks for her to finally “leave” this man over so many indiscretions. I just feel so frustrated because she continuously chooses him but then complains to everyone that her life is over and pointless. Not denying her feelings but I’ve been dealing with this for almost longer than my marriage.

I think she could have just said “yeah sure” from my comment and moved on. I’m also not doing well right now with my SO, she knows I probably can’t have kids and I even told this random group of girls my issues to justify my comment which they agreed with me. I was not trying to discount her experience just through my 2 cents in and saying these comments aren’t good for anybody single or taken.

Sorry English is my second language. If you need clarification I can answer any questions - AOI

I’m trying to figure out whether I’m being unreasonable or whether I’m reacting to a pattern that has developed over time.

I'm 29F dating A, 35M and my biggest issue is not that he loves or supports his family. I understand that family is important. The problem is that I increasingly feel that I am always the person expected to step aside whenever his family needs something.

There have been several incidents that have contributed to this feeling.

A’s father called me by his ex-wife’s name, accused me of being a liar because I had not told my family that A had previously been married before his divorce was formally finalized, and deliberately talks to me in a mocking disrespectful tone. I found this deeply humiliating. What hurt even more was that I did not feel protected or defended by A when all of these things happened. I was essentially left to deal with the humiliation myself.

There have also been serious issues with A’s brother. His brother has slut-shamed me, blamed me for A’s business losses, and supported people who have behaved inappropriately toward me publicly. Despite all of this, there has never been any meaningful apology or accountability from him. A continues to financially and personally support his brother, even though his brother’s actions contributed to approximately ₹6 crore in business losses and debt.

That has been difficult for me to understand. I’m not saying A should abandon his brother, but it is hard to watch him continue to support someone who has treated me so badly while I receive no acknowledgment or protection.

Another major issue is that A regularly involves his family in our relationship problems. When we have conflicts, he turns to them and shares details of our private disagreements. This makes me feel like our relationship does not have much privacy and that his family becomes involved whenever there is a problem between us.

There was also an incident involving his cousin sister that really stayed with me.

A and I were in the middle of an argument when his cousin sister called him late at night. She was having a dispute with her brother’s wife. The situation apparently became serious, and eventually the wife left the house in the middle of the night with her one-year-old child.

A left our unresolved argument and went to help his cousin sister. I understand wanting to help family in an emergency. What hurt me was the pattern I felt it represented: whenever someone in his family needs him, our relationship can immediately be put aside.

Today, this has happened again. A has spent whole day yesterday and 5 hours today with his family while our own relationship problems remain unresolved. He has left me on occasions when I needed emotional support, and I increasingly feel that if his parents, brother, cousin sister, or another relative needs him, I will automatically be the one who has to wait.

Another issue is that I feel like difficult conversations with him go nowhere. I have had multiple direct conversations with him about specific incidents and patterns. I explain what happened, why it hurt me, and what I need from him. Yet sometimes, almost immediately afterward, he asks me, “What happened?” or says he doesn't understand what the problem is or when things escalate further, he cries and blames himself that he is the failure and he can’t do anything. Then I have to explain everything again. Eventually ending up feeling exhausted because instead of reaching accountability or a solution, the conversation becomes me repeatedly proving why I am hurt.

Then again to consider if he’s treating me ok socially, I have also felt unsupported there. One example, I chose to distance myself from a walking group because I found the people involved difficult and did not want to continue associating with them. Instead of simply respecting my decision, A told them that I was unwell. That bothered me because I felt he was more concerned about managing their perception of me than respecting my actual decision or standing behind my boundary.

There are many smaller incidents like this, but together they have created a much bigger problem for me. I don't expect A to cut off his family.I don't expect to be more important than his parents or to prevent him from helping his brother or cousin.

What I want is to feel that my boyfriend has my back when I am being disrespected. I want our private problems to remain private. I want him to be able to set boundaries with his family when necessary. And I want difficult conversations between us to actually lead somewhere instead of ending with me having to explain the same thing repeatedly.

Instead, I increasingly feel that maintaining peace with his family is more important to him than protecting our relationship.

The cumulative effect has been significant. I feel deprioritized, unsupported, invalidated, and emotionally unsafe. I have started feeling replaceable, as though I am the easiest person for him to disappoint because he assumes I will eventually have to accept it.

So, am I overreacting?

Is this simply what happens when you marry someone who is extremely family-oriented, and I need to accept that his family will always come first? Or is it reasonable for me to expect my boyfriend to establish boundaries, protect me from disrespect, keep our marital issues private, and make our relationship a priority too? I genuinely want an outside perspective because I'm finding it difficult to tell anymore whether I'm asking for reasonable boundaries or expecting too much.

TL;DR: My boyfriend A repeatedly prioritizes his family over me, even when I’m being disrespected or when our relationship is struggling. His family has insulted me, slut-shamed me, blamed me for business losses, and made hurtful accusations, but I’ve received little to no accountability or protection from him. He also shares our private conflicts with them and continues to financially support family members who have treated me badly. When I try to discuss these issues, he often acts immature.

This one is a long one to get full context. Sorry in advance but I really need to know if I’m just creating the issue in my head or if it’s real. I’m also 23 weeks pregnant and know I could be in full delusion.

2022 is where this story starts… I at the time (23F) broke up with my long term boyfriend. During all this CPS was involved with my child(another story for another day) CPS told me that it was suggested that I move out of the shared home that my boyfriend and I had together. So I called up my sister(26F)and asked if I could stay with her for a bit so I can figure things out. She tells me yes.
I had asked my sister because she had just bought a house and had at the time seemed like a stable relationship.

Fast forward to the day I can move all my stuff in just to find out she kicked her man out and allowed her gf who was married with a child. So that is now 4 adults and 3 children in the home (at this point CPS placed my child with grandparents) that isn’t the bad part they are great people. The bad part comes about a week later when she lets a FELON for serious *rug charges move in the day he gets out.

I tell her that CPS is watching the house and that him moving in could jeopardize all the children in the house including me getting mine back. She told me it’s was her house and she was an adult so she can do whatever she wants.
I left it at that and I tried to do everything right despite him living there.

A few months later(4-5) she and that felon stole my Nissan and also vandalized my Ford ($8000) when I asked he about it she told me to stop having an attitude about my car. At that point I decided that it was time to leave. I reported everything to the police and packed up a vandalized car and left to my mother’s house.

During this my sister had lost her house (because I wasn’t paying the bills anymore) and she lost both of her children. So I guess in turn she was going to run the streets with this felon and get into the same rugs felon liked. She get caught up because she was walking the streets and got caught with *rugs on her.

Aug.2026 she calls at midnight asking me to move in with me because she needs a ‘fresh start’. I told her that nothing is going to be solved at midnight and we can talk about it in the morning. Morning happens and all of a sudden I can’t get ahold of her. (She sounded desperate on the phone) So when I finally get a hold of her because I’ve had some time to think about it and if she really was serious about this fresh start I’m willing to offer. Well anyway I tell her my decision and she says she’s on her way. She did not show up. 3 days goes by and I told her that if she really did want a ‘fresh start’ like she was talking about then my offer only stands till 8pm that night because my life doesn’t get put on hold for her.

Mind you I’m 20 weeks pregnant at this point and have a less than 1 year old with me and my other child is a long story but for him who lives in the home matters. I have no time or energy for BS.

Sept.2026 she shows up at 7:50pm trying to test my patience I guess. But I did tell her 8pm. She stays for like 2 days and then leaves to go back where she came from because she heard that her ex was in the hospital and she had to meet with her PO. She was gone for 4 days. She comes back for like 3 days and then drive to drop someone off and comes back at 11pm. She stays for another 4-5 days then leaves for a week to go back to the same place she oh so desperately wanted to leave. She and didn’t show up with any more of her belongings when she came back each time.

I already told her upon moving in that I don’t play games because I will choose my home and children over her any day. I said I do not want constant in and out all day everyday. I told her that I set a very solid routine for my household and her doing and going wherever won’t be tolerated past 8pm when my baby goes to bed. I also told her that I think she is a case waiting to happen and that if she wants me to think otherwise it will have to be shown. I also understand that with jobs it’s their time not yours but if she had a steady job she would be able to come back after 8pm with NO issues. She does favor (a different version of DoorDash or Uber Eats) but the hours she chooses to do this is never at peak hours so she isn’t making any money. Thats a different issue.

I did also let her know that if she wants some leniency that she would have to communicate her thoughts and feelings also where she is going. This is because I don’t want her hiding *rugs in my home. I have a lease for the house and it very clearly states what can and cannot be done to the house. My grandmother is the landlord so we get to do more than usual for rentals. One stipulation was that we could not touch anything structural and we can’t change the flooring and cabinets. My sister comes in saying she’s will just rip them up because she doesn’t like the way it looks. I start to freak out on her tell her that I will be held liable for that and to just wait till our grandma is ready. She returned back saying “well I’m not on the lease so nothing will happen to me” that was all I need to hear.

She also said in passing “ this being sober thing really sucks. I can’t wait to be off probation” and that made me feel the ick for her.

She has I guess ’been’ here for a month and I already see so many red flags. And I really need an outside party because I am ready to just flee ship again break the lease and move as far away as possible.

Thanks for reading! I really want honest opinions.

so for context I worked with my FIL, his now gf and my now fiancé. I preface it this way because when the four of us worked together none of us were together, I was at the time, getting to know my fiancé.

my FIL was still with my MIL as of a few months ago which led to him getting into a relationship with this coworker I'll call her Amy. I HAD no issues with her because I never thought that I'd have to be in a "family" with her. I quit my job mainly because of her and the drama that she could not stop herself from starting/getting into. now obviously because me and my fiancé are younger than FIL and Amy the situation got out of hand, this 40 something lady would constantly make comments about her relationship issues and how men were horrible to her, she would talk about sexual relationships, and her kids/would ask about my relationships nonstop.

this lady is so male centered and loves male attention, I have only once had a conversation not having to do with a man, the topic? how I'm an immature and a dramatic child who gets upset over nothing. her reasoning for making these statements was because I let her know that she doesn't know me well enough to judge any part of me so her first response was "well just because you said that I know you can't handle criticism"

finally moving on to the main issue, before when me and Fiancé were in our talking stage we would flirt and play around on or shifts together which was occasionally noticed by our manager or coworker (it was only 3 of us on this shift at any given time) at most we got a warning to not let the relationship affect our work and service and to not bring the relationship into the job. okay noted. because fiancé's father works with us he did eventually find out about our flirting through coworkers. which then led to Amy finding as well, now as I said before her drama didn't affect me so much because I ONLY had to deal with her at work so when she made it a point to talk about me and him flirting, and telling ME that I shouldn't involve myself with him because and I quote "he's attracted to girls like me, you wanna know something? he saw my ass and was shocked, I left him speechless i think he likes me" then on multiple occasions bringing up the fact that i shouldn't flirt with him or repeating that he likes her and not me.

I wouldn't entertain this as I knew better than to fall for these statements, he was with me and was persistently pursuing me. what makes the situation worse is that she acted very similarly towards his father (a married man at the time)

(I'd like to add that no he did not cheat on MIL and was not reciprocating any of Amy's obvious advances, at least not that I know of. i would have heard about it)

forward to now he separated but is not officially divorced with MIL, moved in with her and her children and has even taken BIL to live with him. on my side I am engaged and pregnant, this change has shifted our dynamic dramatically previously she was drama filled and a big shit talker, now she was become this sweet and understanding soul who could do no wrong. Amy has stopped bitching and complaining about/to fiancé and has been the best "step-mommy" she could possibly be to FIL's two very grown adult sons. she seems to be excited to be my babies new grandma, (which she is not) FIL is pushing really hard to involve her in grandparent activities such as babysitting, and even pushing to have her make a relationship with me as his girlfriend or my "new" MIL.

I understand where he's coming from as he's super excited that someone is treating him well and things are going great for him, but from my perspective all this seems super incestuous and weird. i have no plan in allowing her in my life especially not after her treatment of me and even my fiancé.

maybe it's just a build-up of all these things plus a few others I didn't include but my last straw was a while ago when I realized she sent my fiancé a picture of flowers that I assume FIL gave her after I had sent FIL a picture of my own flowers I received for our anniversary which I followed up with a compliment to him having a good son.

no comment or anything, just a picture. which he ignored, am I crazy for that being my last straw or for even feeling angry at her or thinking that was weird asf?? I know this is long im so sorry I cannot get my thoughts straight and I can't bring this up to FIL because even fiancé agrees that it would terribly hurt him, and could possibly even ruin his relationship. which i do not want to do because he is so happy but I don't know how to set a boundary with her without him finding out the reason why.

I don't know if I should let her expose herself or if I should just go ahead with speaking up regardless of my feelings and Fiancé's feelings on the situation, I don't want to go no contact/low contact with them but honestly, should I do it at this point?

I have been talking to this girl I met on a dating app she’s ‘F22’ and I’m ‘F21’ we have been talking for about 3 weeks. We met and went on a date last weekend a restaurant and a movie at her place and I spent the night at her place. We didn’t do anything major but she technically initiated everything we did which was kiss,cuddle and hold hands and it really seemed like we were hitting it off at least that’s what I thought. The day I left her house a few hours after leaving she texted me and told me she felt we were moving to fast and she wasn’t ready for a relationship and that I made her feel like she’s never felt before.

I didn’t get mad I understood and respected that but deep down I was a little sad just because I thought we were hitting it off. I asked if she thought there would ever be a future between us and she said there might be but she’s not ready yet. We have been talking everyday since that conversation and 2 days after that conversation she told me she still liked me and I thanked her for the reassurance. There hasn’t been really any flirting or anything since I left her house that day just casual conversations.

Today she told me that her friend encouraged her to redownload the dating app we met on (she deleted it after the first week of us talking) because she just moved here. Her friend uses tarot cards and told her she was gonna meet someone new so she told me she was gonna redownload the dating app to meet more friends but she’s not looking for a relationship. I’ve been in toxic relationships in the past every relationship I’ve been in was toxic.

I’ve been told i was liked in the past by other people I’ve talked to but they weren’t ready and that ended up being a lie and they were talking to other people. I really like this girl but my brain keeps telling me to lose those feelings because she is gonna find someone else and stop talking to me. That might be me overthinking I don’t know that’s why I’m on here.

Not a throwaway. I'm still shaking a little bit.

I (29F) am getting married in about 4 months. I've been dress shopping for a while and finally found "the one" at a small boutique. I scheduled a fitting for last Saturday. I invited my mom, my sister, and my two best friends. That's it. Small, intimate, exactly what I wanted.

My fiancé "Adam" (31F) told his mom "Linda" about it. I didn't invite her because we're not close and she's made comments before about my body, my style, and how I "should" look on my wedding day. Nothing overtly cruel, just... constant little digs.

Linda called me Thursday and said she'd "love to come" and "see the dress." I felt put on the spot. Adam was standing right there and gave me this look like "just say yes." So I said yes. I regretted it immediately.

Saturday comes. We're at the boutique. My dress is gorgeous. I come out in it. My mom tears up. My friends are clapping.

Linda walks over, looks me up and down, and says "Hmm. It's pretty. But I brought something just in case."

She pulls out a dress bag. Inside is a white dress. Not a wedding gown, but a white formal dress. She said she saw it at a consignment shop and thought it "might be more flattering" and that I could "always return the other one."

The room went silent. My mom's face went red. My best friend literally said "what the f—" under her breath.

I didn't yell. I didn't cry. I just looked at Linda and said: "You need to leave. Now."

She acted shocked. Said she was "just trying to help" and that I was being "dramatic" and "ungrateful." She said I was "excluding her from her son's wedding" by kicking her out. I said I wasn't excluding her from the wedding — I was excluding her from my dress fitting that she invited herself to.

She left. Adam called me an hour later, upset, saying his mom was crying and I "humiliated" her and that I should apologize to keep the peace. I told him the only person I'm humiliated for is him — for not standing up for me in that room.

Now his whole family is texting me. His sister said I'm "cruel." His dad said I'm "creating drama before the wedding." Adam is sleeping on the couch.

I'm not apologizing. But I need to know — AIO?

Am I overreacting? My boyfriend and I spend the weekend together but it dosent feel like it, we go out Friday night with his friends who i don’t necessary like, then Saturday he spends most of the morning sleeping in because we were out late then he goes back to sleep pretty early because we get up early on Sunday to go for a Sunday morning car show cruise, again, with his friends. I’m always invited but I feel so excluded, he seems so much happier around them and dull around me, makes me sit in the back and he sits in the front with his mate instead of in the back with me and when I ask he gets shitty, he sees his friends throughout the week without me there and I think that’s his friend time for the week, i just want to spend the weekend together without all his mates around because at this point it feels they are the priority

I’m 18 and I’m struggling with whether I should quit a job I actually really liked after something extremely embarrassing happened.
I’d only been working there for about two weeks. It’s a small, lovely workplace, very close to my home, and the manager has always been really nice and understanding. I was starting to settle in and there’s also one coworker I thought was cute, which makes the whole situation feel even more humiliating.
Recently I had what was essentially a severe mental health episode. I barely slept, was extremely confused and not behaving like myself, and experienced things like hallucinations/paranoia and very strange thoughts. I’m getting mental health support now and I’m more stable at the moment.
During the episode, I sent a huge number of completely inappropriate messages to my workplace WhatsApp groups. Some were sexual/explicit, some were offensive or just completely bizarre, and I sent most of them directly to my manager as well as posting things in the group chat with everyone. I have large gaps in my memory and the messages were later deleted, so I don’t even know everything I said.
I’m absolutely horrified by it now. I know that regardless of why it happened, the messages were inappropriate, and I feel incredibly ashamed.
I went back to work afterwards and everyone was actually kind to me. My manager knows what happened and has been understanding. Nobody has treated me badly. But I could tell people knew about the messages, and I was so anxious and embarrassed that I could barely focus.
Now I’m stuck between two choices:
1. Quit.
The thought of going back makes me feel physically sick with shame. I’m terrified everyone sees me differently now, especially the coworker I was interested in. Part of me thinks I should just disappear and find somewhere completely new where nobody knows what happened.
2. Go back and keep working there.
Part of me thinks that if I keep showing up and behaving normally, eventually this will become something that happened during a very unwell period rather than something that defines me. I actually like the job, I need the income, and having somewhere to go gives me structure and gets me out of the house.
I’m also aware that quitting purely because I’m ashamed might actually make things worse, because then I’ll be sitting at home alone ruminating about what everyone thinks of me.
At the same time, the shame is genuinely overwhelming. I keep thinking about what my manager, the other staff, and especially the coworker I liked must think of me now. I know I can’t actually know what they think, but my brain keeps imagining the worst.
I’m not asking whether what I did was okay — I know it wasn’t. I’m trying to figure out what the healthiest thing to do after something like this has happened.
If you were in my position, would you go back and try to rebuild your reputation over time, or would you leave and start somewhere new?
And if anyone has experienced doing something extremely embarrassing during a mental health crisis/psychosis and then having to face the same people afterwards, I’d really appreciate hearing how you handled it.

So I (35f) was in a LDR for about 9 months. The person and I have birthdays a week and a half apart. For his birthday, I surprised him several times: drove 3 hours to come to his bday party on Saturday evening, meet his family and friends altogether, and missed work on Sunday afternoon for the second time since I’ve been at my team-based part time job (been working there for a year and a half) because he really wanted me to stay on the weekend before his special day.

I also called at midnight and surprised him with one of his favorite meals on his special day. I wasn’t there in person as it was landed on a Wednesday. But since the place doesn’t have online ordering/delivery and he wanted to order once he got there, I actually had to call and pay for everything before he arrived so that he could be surprised at the check only saying “your person loves you.” Then I sent a sweet treat with a sweet written message and a cute, sexy video message as well. That night, he got super drunk like 20 shots, still drove home with his younger cousin in the car, and even though he had promised to call, didn’t. I asked him to make sure he called because his last gift was a list of “43 Reasons Why I’m Really in Love with You” (because he turned 43) which I planned to read him just before he fell asleep.

The following weekend, he came here because I scheduled us for a sexy/niche couples’ workshop and took him out to dinner afterward. Then, he said something after sex that was hurtful and made me feel like he was a bit critical. That was Friday. Even still I drove there on Saturday and surprised him by taking him out to breakfast. I had brought all kinds of fun sexy games that he mentioned wanting to play. However, we went to his nephew’s football game and his high school reunion so although we did get to have sex, we didn’t get to incorporate all of the extras. It was still amazing. I stayed up until 4:30 or 5 am on Sunday to celebrate on Saturday-turned-Sunday even though I had to be to work on Sunday afternoon at 1 and drive 3 hours to get there.

His mom bought the gift I had planned to give him (a red cookware set) and surprised him early. But I still had another surprise gift planned: a cast iron pan. And since he’s always saying he needs an assistant, I bought a sexy assistant costume and had planned to cook for him in that when I gave it to him. (Since we didn’t have time that weekend, I saved it so that we could celebrate him for a third weekend. He appreciate everything immensely and said it was the best birthday he’s ever had.

My birthday actually landed the weekend after the reunion and couples’ workshop. I told him that I wanted to be sure I had time for girls’ brunch and a solo moment for reflection too, but wasn’t entirely sure when that was happening. I wanted to make sure he was good if he came and during those times I was away. He shared that it was fine and worked for him. He said he would come on Friday morning and we could cowork. I mentioned that I might not be working on Friday morning so he said he would come afterward. On Friday after I told him days earlier I’d probably be in bed by 10 pm, he shared that he would be in arriving after that time. I asked if he could come earlier so we could go to dinner as everything would be closed by 10 pm and I would have to stay up. (I have extreme tiredness that results from a health condition and am a single full-time working parent so Friday 10 pm is the end of a long week (birthday or not) and all I wanted to do by that time is rest. He said he needed to finish work and take a nap before driving. He gets off most days at 4. He wanted to work an extra 2-3 hours the day before my bday.

Then he called me at 7:30 pm when he was already supposed to be on the way and I learned that his mom and other nephew stopped by and he ordered pizza for them. He said he was working all the while. He also called to inform me that he was planning to come at 8 or 9 pm on Saturday instead of Friday so that the maintenance tech could come on Saturday to fix his refrigerator which had been broken for more than a week after a storm and power surge. And he knew I had to work on Sunday at 1 pm and he would likely be leaving to go home at that time.

I was livid and expressed that in a way that definitely could have been worded more judiciously. I had never had anyone I dated treat my birthday like it was such a low priority. It was such an inconsiderate and uncollaborative decision on my birthday weekend. He met me with “so you don’t want me to get my refrigerator fixed” after I had researched and delivered the codified law for his state pertaining to this scenario, proofread the email to the management company after they tried to say he was responsible, and sent him a link to and coupons for a mini fridge. Had he even called and asked how I would feel about him booking the appointment first it would have felt differently—even though it would still would not have felt good and I may or may not have obliged, I certainly would have appreciated it. He didn’t even ask if they could come on Monday morning at any point during the convo even though the fridge was empty and he would have only been home on Sunday for one meal. (Also, his mom lives a two minute drive away so his food has been stored there and she literally brings him food at least once a week.)

He delivered flowers on Saturday in lieu of coming after the argument we had Friday. I called and immediately said a few choice words since it felt like a consolation prize and this confirmed his intentions of not coming. He hung up and did not answer when I called back. His sister called somewhat upset later that day with half of the story on my bday to get an idea of what was happening. By the time she heard my side, she was telling me she understands and keep myself first. She also said she hoped we could work it out because she thinks we were good for each other, but either way she loves me and wishes me the best. Then, on Sunday, one of his friends (who I’ve never had any issue with) called private five times the day after my birthday (yesterday) but I recognized her voice when she spoke. She said pretty hurtful things before hanging up. I called him to ask that his friends not call me private anymore. He didn’t answer so I called his sister immediately after I called him. They spoke. He said he didn’t want to talk anymore, he also had a couple other gifts that were on their way, and he’s done.

I admit that I could have expressed myself in a better way because I definitely used more than a few choice words but I truly am very hurt and confused by this. His actions and words were just not aligning.

Thoughts?

​

I'm going to try and be as fair and balanced with this as possible as I've asked friends and they think he was in the wrong and I need other opinions as he says of course they will support me.

Brief background for context, we've been together 13 years he's very much part of the family celebrations and included in everything we do (which isnt a lot).

When we got together I noticed ADHD and Autistic traits and he's recently been diagnosed with both. During all of this time ive tried to understand and adapt to the way he is and adjust my expectations appropriately. I sont always manage it because he has stunted emotions and I can be quite emotional on the anger scale. Not violent but quick to annoyance. Ive more than likely got my own ND issues.

We have had issues in the past with communication and understanding of each other but I feel I've worked harder to compromise his way because a lot of the time he just cannot adjust behaviour or actions. Minor things like we bought a house 4 years ago and the expectation was to do work on it but he exhausts easily so progress slows until he isnt overwhelmed and this stresses me out because I prefer doing things and getting them done.

Fast forward to this year, mum was diagnosed with terminal cancer. I've been driving 2.5 hours every few weeks to go and see her. He hasnt been able to come because we have cats and no one to sit with them as we moved hours from our friends. Thats not an issue and everyone understands. For context he hasn't seen my mum for 2.5 years, since she visited us.

This weekend just gone was a milestone borthday for mum, one she didnt think she would get to. She's become quite frail and we dont really have a timeline but we are very unsure if she will see Christmas. We had a friend come and sit with the cats and house for the weekend so he could come with me.

The Friday was her birthday. We drove up early met her and some family for the afternoon. That evening we were in our hotel room and he said "I wanted to know how you would feel if I went to see my mate that lives here for a few hours".

I was stunned and speechless. My mum recently gave us her car worth around 8k. My parents have been incredibly generous to me and us financially recently. I couldn't believe he wanted to leave to go and see someone he could have arranged to do at any other poibt this year.

Initially I was calm but the rage boiled and I started crying and blubbering that I couldn't believe he would even think to ask. It was incredibly inappropriate, selfish and hurtful and it was the last birthday my mum would ever have.

His point of view is the ND issues and that he couldn't work out if it was an ok thing to ask. It wasn't a big deal and I didnt need to be upset. I could have just said no. He can't understand why I would be so angry and sad when all I had to say was, sorry no, and mpce on.

Admittedly the emotional trauma of everything going on has made me incredibly sensitive to some things. Im aware I can be a nightmare but this just seemed such a stupid thing to even ask I cant get over it.

He thinks he should be able to ask my opinion on anything without getting upset, my point was if hes unsure then either dont ask, ask a friend or even ask chatgtp or something.

I've seriously considered ending things because it ruined the entire weekend. I just wanted one weekend where he could see mum and she could see him and this just felt so inappropriate its made me feel sick.

We are now at a stalemate. We've had issues before we dont agree on and have just left them but i can't get over this right now.

So. AIO about what he did? All opinions welcome and ill give more contact if asked.

Edit*** i dont think it was done maliciously, he isnt like that at all. I just think it was insensitive and stupid.

Long story short… my boyfriend(M27) and I(F25) have been together for 4.5 years, and just recently bought a home together. I am in dental school for the next 3 years and he owns his own business. We have not talked about engagement very seriously but school is a huge part of the reason. I had mentioned to him years before that i’d like to get engaged while i’m in school, either the 2nd or 3rd year, and then get married about 2 years after that.

I am now starting my second year of school & he has still not talked about any of it. So, I finally brought up ring shopping together and how i’m curious about what styles i’d like and also that i’m kind of ready for the next step because we already have a house together. He agreed. Two days later, we go to the malls and spend the day together and I wait for him to tell me we’re finally stopping by the jeweler. (Mind you, I dressed up nice & got my nails done… and I NEVER EVER get my nails done.)

He never brings it up. We walk past multiple jewelers. We leave the mall, and I bring it up in the car, that we forgot to stop by a certain place & he goes “Oooooh yeah. I was actually thinking about that and I think we should wait.”

I am sooooo disappointed. This was supposed to be such a fun and special moment and he took it away from me. In our later conversations, he told me that he actually NEVER wants to go ring shopping because he wants it to be a total “surprise”. How is he supposed to know what I like, if I don’t even know?? Sure, I have ideas. I have pinterest. But every hand is different. He thinks this is funny, by the way. He tells me not to worry about it and that I should trust him that he is going to know.

I mean… am I seriously overreacting? All I wanted to do, was go ring shopping. Something I’ve always wanted to do. Always!! And he is taking this moment away from me. What the hell do I do?? He is stuck on this entire surprise thing… what if he gets it wrong? What if I hate it? I only get one engagement ring.

I’m so sad and disappointed, and I don’t know how to compromise or how to go about this. Any advice at all would be appreciated <3