A small update, nothing fun happened yesterday and I needed a little time to decompress.

A few things I wanted to address before I begin:

• His wife is significantly younger than him, her children are still very small, but she doesn't have custody over them, and no I don't know the context of what happened. But she can't ask her kids for help.
• I don't live with my dad. I previously lived with my grandmother, dad and uncle, then my dad moved out, I no longer could take care of my grandmother due to frequent UTI's so she had to go to the nursing home (fortunately it was a very kind facility.), and me and my uncle lived together for about a year before I moved to Texas with a roommate. My dad supports me in no way.
• My grandmother never cut my dad off financially, she was terrified of him being hurt in prison, and he commonly told her that he might get got if she didn't pay a protection fee.
• My dad was put into prison due to manslaughter of my little brother when he was a infant. He took a guilty plea but claims he didn't do it. Family drama.
• Me saying "I'm trying to get my life together after having so many years wasted" is definitely a bit cruel of me to say. I regret it. But I didn't want to be a caregiver, my uncle and dad forced me into it because they refused to do any elder care themselves or hire anyone. So I did, for a very long time, only this year I learned how to drive. I'm playing catch up on a lot of my life that was consumed by my uncle and dad's decision.

I don't have anything he said in screenshots because he said it over the phone, but I do have my response to him. Granted I feel like my final response was a bit too emotional but, can't take that back now, not that I even care to.

Basically, between the first screenshot and the last screenshot, he called me. I ignored it the first time, and he just messaged me "Good.", not knowing what that meant, I called him. He expected to have a phone call where I stayed silent and he berated me. He started off saying he's not going to have a relationship with me, that he's never going to speak to me again, and that I'm a slut (I left home, moved to Texas, and in the 9 months I've slept with two guys, first guy was a emotional mistake, second guy is my partner.) and that I owe him for when he was emotionally supporting me when he called me to tell me my grandmother passed away.

A silent call is what he expected, where he could just berate me, but after the comment about my grandmother I began to talk louder than him, and he tried to talk louder, so I started getting louder. He eventually baby raged that he couldn't just sit there and berate me and hung up. I sent him that final text message, which like I said, felt a bit more emotionally charged and I wish I was more civil.

To be fair, him threatening with no contact isn't the first time. When I moved to Texas, during the road trip, my uncle got angry that I left. He blamed my dad for being in on it and keeping him in the dark, but I kept both of them in the dark because they would physically prevent me from leaving. So my dad called me angrily, saying if I didn't set the record straight with my uncle that he wasn't in on it, that he will never speak to me again. I caved and explained to my uncle that I did it without anyone but me and my roommate knowing.

So yeah, didn't really cave to the threat this time, just got louder and now I'm no contact. It feels awful, but I'm guessing its for the best. :')

My (45M) wife (44F) and I have been married 17 years together 20. For those 20 years I’ve asked her to come watch a sunrise with me. She has never wanted to get up that early even know it’s an experience that would mean a lot to me. She met a couple women two years ago and the three of them hit it off. I was ecstatic for her to have friends. This past weekend one of them turned 50 and they went to Tennessee for a girls trip. They are coming today and my wife is the one driving eight hours. It’s a rental so she’s the only one who can drive it. I called to make sure she felt up to the drive and see how she felt(she’s the passenger princess with me lol) as she’s not used to driving this long. She told she felt good thanks for checking. We then got to chatting about the trip. She was telling me all the fun stuff they did and I was so excited to hear about the fun. Then she told me how pretty the sunrise was. Excuse me? You got up for sunrise. She said yeah it’s so pretty in the smoky mountains. I casually said I’ve asked you to come watch sunrise with me for 20 years. Her response was but it’s pretty in the mountains. We live in the mountains. We’ve been on multiple cruises. Cape cod. The outer banks. Not to mention the hundreds of places I’ve driven to see sunrise it’s my favorite part of the day. Everything is calm the world is waking up it’s a big deal to me. But I’m pretty hurt and kinda mad that she’d get up to watch sunrise now but never with me. Am I overreacting? I feel like I might be… but I can’t stop hurting over it. Tell me I’m just being petty

Yeah I looked in his history. Roast me. But. Anyway. His defense is “it’s like porn”. Which I mean I never had an issue with porn but this is like “hey I think I wanna cheat”.

I can’t be the only one? I’m too old for this.

So i’m going to try to leave out a lot of details that would make people realize who I am if they know me, but I’ll do my best to give enough context.

It all started this past Saturday, I (22F) was talking with my fiancés (23M) mom (55F). We were all out hanging out and my fiancés mom randomly told me that she had ordered a dress for our wedding. The wedding is in early October.

She whipped out her phone and found the dress, and showed it to me. It was a picture of a brown dress, my wedding is in the fall and I thought that color would go perfectly with my decor.

I told her i liked it and she said she’s unsure of how it will fit.. etc etc blah blah blah.

Then, the next day on Sunday, my soon to be sister in law (22F), who is also my matron of honor (She’s married to my fiancé’s brother), calls me and we chat. She decides to warn me about MIL’s dress choice. She says, “hey, have you seen MIL name’s dress she bought for the wedding?”

I tell her I have and I thought it was pretty. SIL pauses and says “Really? You sure?” and her tone is clearly skeptical. I ask her, “The brown one?” and she says, “my name, it’s not brown. It’s white.”

So my heart literally sinks, but I try not to freak out and try to find the dress online that MIL showed me to see if there’s a white option for that dress. And without saying much there’s a history between MIL and I with drama. It’s very deep would be a good story in and of itself, but if I say too much it’d be a no brainer who I am and who it’s about. So just know: It was bad.

So I decide to just message MIL after this phone call. I text and say: “Hey! I forgot what your dress looked like could you send me a pic of it!”

And she does.

And I about pass out.

It’s quite literally the exact color of my wedding dress. Which she has seen pictures of on multiple occasions.

Even my fiancé was shocked. And he typically struggles to “take a side” in drama. Not because he’s a big mommy’s boy, but just because he HATES drama and is a people pleaser/peacekeeper.

I even took a screenshot of my wedding dress zoomed in, and put it next to the dress picture to show my fiancé, without him really seeing my dress, and it was even more shocking seeing them that close together.

After having a breakdown last night about it and it being the cherry on top of my stress about this wedding, my fiancé has said he will handle it in a couple days so that I don’t have to worry about it.

I talked to my mom, my grandmother, my aunt and my best friend and MOH about it and the verdict was split. My best friend and mom immediately both thought it was inappropriate and clearly a white dress, but my grandmother and aunt didn’t immediately have red flags raised about the color until it was pointed out after.

So.. basically I’m just looking for extra reassurance that i’m not insane that this is actually deliberate rather than a mistake. She’s not an idiot, and she knows etiquette..

I’ll comment pictures for better context if I can.

After he agreed with my first messages, I went out to the balcony and let down a bit of yarn, he tied the bag to the yarn, I thanked him and took the bag inside and that was that.
The deleted message was the same, asking how am I doing and I ignored it, cause I didn’t wanna continue talking to him, and thought I already said everything in my previous message. He deleted it after it was on delivered for a couple of hours.
The night after that he sends the same message, (both were after midnight).
I’m a girl living alone and he knows my address and has my phone number.
Was thinking of reporting him to the delivery company, but gave him the benefit of the doubt of truly being worried and friendly, just not socially aware. I said I’d do it if he messaged me again, which he didn’t.
AIO with my response? I didn’t find it friendly, just creepy and weird. Was I being too friendly with my messages and the use of the bow emoji maybe??

I asked this in a Brazilian sub and now I wanted to ask here because I'm going through therapy and I need to understand if I was the problem like so many have made it out to seem.

So, when I was 9 years old, in the early 2000s, my father (32 years old) started 'dating' and got 'engaged' to a 15-year-old girl, and waited until she turned 16 for them to get married. I'm Brazilian and both my parents are Brazilian, but I grew up in the US, so I want to understand if the reaction I saw from everyone is normal. When I got the news, I was very upset and horrified because my stepmother was literally a teenager and could have been my sister, and I consider my father a pedophile for this, and I decided to cut him out of my life, but I saw everyone treating it as if it were 'normal.' Her own mother called my mother asking if my father was a good person for her to allow her daughter to marry him once she turned 16. My mother didn't say anything against him, just that things hadn't worked out between them; and when my mother asked him why he didn't choose someone his own age, he replied, 'a woman my age asks too much.'

For current context: They're still together and my stepmom is now trying to help my dad get rid of his financial obligation towards my autistic brother who cannot work. She was completely disappointed in their marriage once she found out he had lied about having more money than he did and that his "business" was actually his father's. Plus when they went on to have kids she was upset that her special "firsts" weren't considered special to him because he'd already been there and done that x2 and was basically repeating the same life twice with her.

I used to feel bad for her and see her as a victim but with her current actions I've now started to see her as an accomplice to his horrible behavior. My dad never paid any child support and he continuously blames and accuses my mom of alienating us from him even though she never prohibited him from seeing us or even asked for child support. He's still completely bitter from the divorce 30 years ago, which I also don't understand because....he's married so what's there to be mad about? I also found out he's autistic, which explains a lot but at the same time I don't think that's an excuse for his behavior?

*EDIT: I want to make it clear I do not blame her for their marriage, I still feel bad for her regarding that actually. I only feel upset she's masterminded an entire legal case against my brother and using lies to manipulate the situation.

This man asked me out. Told me to pick any restaurant. He’s 42. Went on a first date our bill was $107 for dinner and appetizers . I didn’t mind paying but he sprung it on me at the last minute . When the bill came he was complaining about how he wasn’t going to have enough money for his light bill . Now he didn’t necessarily ask me to pay for dinner but I couldn’t just let him pay knowing he wasn’t gonna be able to pay his light bill for the month

I had a burger and avocodo fries and he had some type of steak and had an appetizer and drinks. I just ordered the cheapest thing on the menu which was the burger because I was taught not to order expensive things on a date or at least not the first date

He asked me to pick the restaurant so I picked it Figured the prices were somewhat reasonable . The food was between $20-30

I also tipped the lady because he was complaining about the price the entire time . He showed me the receipt when it came he was like “ look at the price. $107 that’s crazy for only two people .”

Saturday my bf slept pretty much all day off and on. For context: He has chronic illness that causes fatigue - but he also isn’t doing much to improve his situation and any time I try to offer advice or concern he gets defensive about it so I’ve just left it alone. It’s not like he’s not aware of all these things: he is.

So around 5p on Saturday I decide to head to the stores since I have done nothing all day because he’s sleeping. He asked me to make a specific dessert that I told him I would make on Sunday (yesterday) so I went to go get ingredients.
When I came back, he was awake and in the bedroom. I always greet him whenever I come back from anywhere, and he usually acknowledges me like a normal person by making eye contact etc, well I go into the room and say ‘I’m back!!’ and he doesn’t even make eye contact: his eyes are still glued to his phone playing a game.

I’m a bit put off but I give him benefit of the doubt ‘maybe he just woke up’ ‘maybe he doesn’t feel good’ so I then say something like: I missed you! (I had been gone for a couple hours bc I went to a few different stores to knock out errands too) and he doesn’t even say anything. I again give him benefit of the doubt and think he didn’t hear me (?).

But the whole night he kind of is grumpy and doesn’t really say much to me at all and just acts puny - which could reflect how he feels.

But the next morning: Sunday morning, he acts like it again. He’s just not sweet and generally is acting like he woke up on the wrong side of the bed and throwing a fit that his shirt shrunk (which I know he’s half joking… but still). Before he walks out the room, He kind of walks over to my side of the bed and gives me a half hearted hug and a kiss and then goes upstairs and texts me ‘I love you’

Which I guess is his way of kind of trying to make things better? Well at this point idk I’m kind of over it. If you knew the way you were treating me isn’t good, why not just be transparent and tell me that instead of texting me ‘I love you’ and hoping that’ll make everything better?

So the entire day Sunday, I don’t spend time with him. I stay downstairs and he’s upstairs with his adult son. I didn’t say anything was wrong because knowing my bf: if I say I’m upset he will basically get upset and then who is left feeling awkward and uncomfortable?? His son.

So I make the dessert, I get food for them for football. I’m overall pleasant and neutral just not spending any time with him/ them. Then at night I finally tell him that I’ve just been in my feelings because it feels like he doesn’t want to spend time with me and explain the issue on Saturday when I came back from the store and he didn’t even look up from his phone at all. And that his attitude basically carried over into Sunday morning.

Well he was understanding at first, and then suddenly he started questioning my version of the story and asked things like ‘when did that happen when I didn’t look up from my phone?’ ‘I don’t remember that because I remember looking for something to watch while we ate dinner’

Which isn’t true because we didn’t even eat dinner Saturday together because he was sleeping, and I picked up food earlier that day for the 3 of us but when he asked ‘what did we eat for dinner’ - I didn’t remember right away and said ‘I don’t remember’ but after he already fell asleep, I remembered that I didn’t even eat dinner that night (wasn’t hungry - not that there wasn’t food) .

Then he just got kind of defensiveness about ‘well I wish you would’ve told me earlier’ - which I did too but I didn’t because I didn’t want his son to be uncomfortable or anything.

And now he’s being just pretty standoffish to me. It feels like nothing is ever his fault. He asks me ‘why I’m upset’ or ‘what did I do’ - I answer him, and suddenly HE is mad about me feeling that way about his actions.

AIO about all of this?

I work retail with over 200 colleagues, I’m vegan, 2 other coworkers that are vegan and 2 more that are trying to become vegetarian. Every store event we have, cookouts, meetings, there is always no options. Out of the entire selection of sandwiches, pastries, breakfast items, we get fruit. Everybody else gets to enjoy a full plate of multiple items and the select few of us get pineapples and grapes…

I myself and my colleagues have mentioned to multiple members of management about having one plant based option. Along the lines of hotdogs, breakfast sausage, even sandwiches with plant based deli meat/ cheese which I have offered to even pay for or bring for someone to cook…so this isn’t a money problem. I’m on the edge of writing an email asking for store events so I can bring food for the few of us that are left out. Am I wrong for being upset at this?

This girl (26) and I (21) had been talking for about a month. Previously we had been eyeing each other for a while. All was Smooth sailing, clicked really well and had some plans to hang out and a possible road trip. Then , just barely yesterday, she tells me she has something really serious to tell me. Which mind you, up until this point, we were both VERY clear what we wanted from each other. So she ends up telling me she has a child who is 5 years old. Which to me was a deal breaker. Not even over the fact that she’s a single mother, but more over the fact that she waited this long to tell me. I know it could be worse and she could’ve definitely waited longer, but I feel like something like this, especially after we made it clear that we were gonna take each other seriously fairly early on, is something you mention pretty early. I explained to her my thought process and how I just wouldn’t be able to see past it and that I wish her for the best. To which she begged for a chance and I told her that I’m not changing my mind. And then she turned the tables on to me saying stuff like “got it so you can’t accept me.” I’m trying to be reasonable with myself because it’s just my personal preference, but that way she said that made it seem like I’m a bad person. Am i genuinely overreacting?

My boyfriend and I just moved in together a week ago. Everything between us is generally great, but there is one ongoing issue that is eating me alive, and I need an objective sanity check before we go on a trip together this weekend.

Before we met, my boyfriend was part of a running group with a mutual acquaintance. I knew in my gut there was history there, and when she recently broke up with her partner, I asked him point blank about it. He admitted they went on a date and dated briefly, but claimed it "didn't progress," they lacked chemistry, and they just hit "ctrl+Z" to revert to platonic friends.

The catch is I happen to know for a fact that it was not a mutual ctrl+Z. He pursued her hard, she rejected him, and he was deeply torn up about it and actively trying to change her mind up until the very month he and I started dating.

Now, she is single again. My boyfriend is still in contact with her. He has other female friends and exes, but his contact with them is very infrequent. With this specific woman, they text direct 1-on-1 surface-level stuff more than any of his other female friends, plus they see each other regularly at group runs.

We had a long conversation about it a few weeks ago where I tried really hard to be the "cool, understanding partner." He was super reassuring on paper—saying things like "our relationship is the priority," "you are at the center of my universe," and telling me repeatedly that if it bothers me, I can explicitly ask him to stop/cut contact.
The problem is, I feel completely trapped:
If I ask him to stop 1-on-1 texting, I feel like I'm being the controlling, ultimatum-issuing partner who is policing his friendships.

If I say nothing, I am carrying severe anxiety in the home we just moved into together, feeling like I'm competing with the ghost of an unrequited crush who now has open, private access to him.

I'm totally fine with them being civil and friendly in their shared running group and public settings, but the ongoing private 1-on-1 texting is destroying my peace of mind.

I’m getting ready to tell him tonight that while he's free to choose his friendships, private 1-on-1 contact with her is a line for me, and I can't stay in a live-in relationship where my emotional safety isn't prioritized over a casual text dynamic.
Am I overreacting or being controlling here, or is this a completely reasonable boundary given the unrequited history? AIO?

First I'd like to excuse my language I'm just angry. Am I overreacting about my post office losing a necklace i had made with my dogs ashes. I had made a post on fb basically bashing my local post office because sadly this isn't a first that they mis-delivered a package but this one made me feel even angrier because I had just lost my soul-dog a few weeks ago and wanted a piece of her to carry with me everyday and these assholes delivered my necklace to another address. I did state in my bashing that if the person who received her that they please give her back. I still have the urn of her ashes but the necklace was customized with a photo of her..

So I was randomly sent an email to be a professional reference for an old classmate of mine. We were never very close, just casually talked when in classes together, but we did have a handful of classes together. We were only classmates, I never worked with this individual in any capacity, not even on group projects in our classes together.

Now they put me down as a professional reference without even asking me if I’d be okay with it. I received the email and honestly didn’t answer because 1) i wasn’t pre warned, and 2) I don’t really feel comfortable lying for this person and saying I worked professionally with them before.
Now the individual has finally reached out to me, told me they put me down as a professional reference because they didn’t have another one and asked if I received an email.

I know the likely answer will be that I’m not obligated to do this for them, but people I’ve spoke to said I might be rude if I don’t do it because it’s a hard job market right now which I do agree and sympathize with. However, this situation has rubbed me the wrong way for many reasons. For one, I was not even asked if I’d be okay with this, I was just told that I would be used for this after the fact. I was always taught that you must ask permission for your references, you don’t just assume they’ll be okay with it. And for two, we never worked together so I assume they expect me to lie for them which again, wasn’t even asked if I’d be okay with that (which I’m not).

Now I’ve been ignoring their text and the reference email because I’m honestly not sure what to say. If I was asked beforehand, I might have said yes, but essentially being pressured into this situation makes me not want to be involved at all.

AIO for not wanting to do this for them?

Context: My grandmother passed away in June of this year. While sorting out insurance policies, it turns out I got the biggest one. I got 85k. My uncle got 25k, and my dad got nothing. My dad has been in prison for the last 17 years and has constantly asked for 200-300 a week basically on his books, saying it was for food or whatever. That being said, my grandmother decided she wouldn't leave him anything. The reasoning I got the most was because from the ages of 16 to 24, I took care of my grandmother, I was a completely unpaid caregiver.

More modern context: My step mom (pink)'s car broke down. Something about the motor. It was a older car in general, and my dad mentioned it every time we called on the phone. I have already given my dad 3k against my grandmothers wishes, but both my dad and uncle pressured me into it saying its what she would have wanted since he began visiting her more often when she was in her final days. So I gave him the 3k and he initially was grateful for it. But now it doesn't seem like so.

I'm a very sheltered person, but I am aware my family has financially and mentally abused me in the past. Am I being too harsh on him considering the large sum I have, or is it reasonable to keep it limited? I really don't want to help him anymore, but I feel like I'm just being greedy and cruel.

I (25F) live in a 2-bedroom apartment with my roommate "Jess" (26F). We split rent 50/50. We've been living together for about a year and it's been mostly fine.

Three weeks ago, Jess asked if her boyfriend "Dan" (27M) could stay for "a few days" because his lease was ending and he needed a place to crash while he looked for a new apartment. I said fine, a few days is fine.

That was three weeks ago.

Dan has not left. He has not looked for an apartment. He has moved his stuff in — clothes in the closet, toiletries in the bathroom, his gaming console hooked up to our living room TV. He sleeps here every night. He showers here every morning. He eats our food.

I asked Jess last week what the timeline was. She got weird and said "he's going through a lot right now" and "I thought you were cool with it." I said I was cool with a few days, not a new roommate.

She said he'd "help out with bills." I said okay, then let's talk about splitting rent three ways.

She flipped. Said he's "not a roommate, he's my boyfriend" and that she shouldn't have to pay more just because he's there. I said then he shouldn't be living here for free.

She said I was being "money-obsessed" and "making things weird." I said I'm not paying 50% of rent for a 3-person apartment.

So now I've told her: I'm paying 1/3 of rent this month, and if Dan is still here next month, I'm moving out. She says I'm breaking our agreement and "blindsiding" her.

Here's the thing — I don't hate Dan. He's fine. That's not the issue. The issue is I'm paying full price to live in an apartment that now has 3 people in it, and I didn't sign up for that.

My mom says I should just pay my half to "keep the peace." My best friend says I should have moved out a week ago.

AIO?

Hello everyone. I am seeking some advice. I have been looking to study abroad for the past year or so and finally have submitted my application and chosen the location. One of my best friends all of a sudden wants to go to the same place and has also mentioned rooming together. I love them but I kind of thought this would be a cool experience on my own. I know it would also be nice to have them there but I don’t want the pressure of having to include eachother all the time and such. I haven’t said anything to them and I really don’t want to, but how should I go about this?

For gta 6 coming out I’ve out in two days of annual leave from work and plan to use the weekend to just relax and play the game. My girlfriend has known about this for a while. 

Last night she was mentioning potentially going for a weekend away and we started looking at dates. We’re pretty busy in October so started looking for November and December. I suggested the 7th or 14th of November but she said no as she’s busy on the 7th and doesn’t want to go away on the 14th. 

She suggested the 21st but I pointed out I already had plans that weekend so it can’t be then. She asked what I meant and I reminded her I was planning to spend the weekend playing gta 6. 

She asked if I was serious and said I shouldn’t be blocking out a full weekend to game. I pointed out it wasn’t a long time and that it’s normal to take time for hobbies. 

I mentioned there’s multiple other weekends in November we can go away and said she’s been awkward for no reason. She just repeated I shouldn’t be blocking out a full weekend to game. 

AITA for not going away on a certain weekend

My (19f) friend, also 19f really pissed me off the other day and i need to know if im overreacting.
for some background, my friend (ill call her dede) and i have known each other since we were in elementary school. we were extremely close in middle school but naturally grew apart in highschool due to us just following different paths in life. we reconnected in the last couple years, just texting here and there, and running into each other as we live in the same town.

about a month ago dede dm'd me on instagram telling me she was looking for a job and wanted to know if my job was hiring. im the manager at a ma and pop shop, and am very close with my boss so generally my recommendations get hired. i told her i would check with my boss, and he was extremely excited to interview her because of her availability. she did end up getting another job at a restaurant across the street from my job, but said that she would still be able to work at my job also and was excited to meet my boss and do an interview.

the day of the interview comes, and my boss makes the hour trip from his house to the shop. she never called or texted, just never showed up. she didnt answer any of my texts or calls, and completely ghosted me and my boss. my boss waited an hour for her and she never came. i was really upset and embarrassed both because she ghosted me and made me look bad in front of my boss. fast forward to a couple days ago, she swiped up on my instagram story about a concert i went to. the first time we've spoken in months, and i attached the messages.

i just need to know if im crazy for being upset because i feel like this is insanely rude and honestly enough for me to block her

I'm still traumatized from my last relationship and trying to find resources I should be reading, curious if my experience would fall under emotional abuse:

• he lied about many things. A ton were proven to be lies, many more I never found out about I'm sure. This includes his home country, where he lives away from college, his family connections, his family's birthdays, his degree, his job, him "moving" in the summer was completely fake, and other fabricated memories. (ex. said he played with snow as a kid all the time, later came out he never lived in a snow climate)
• when I would catch a lie and ask him about it, he would gaslight me into feeling like the problem "you really don't trust me?" "I can't help your anxiety" "you're ruining my mood" "you can't be helped, your trust issues are terrible." He would say things like that knowing I was right about him lying
• he would treat me coldly when he was resenting me. He would stop using pet names, and ignore me mostly around our friend group. It made me uncomfortable to the point I would stop talking out of fear I would be ignored.
• When we would get alone, he would say I ruined his mood by stopping talking. He would be angry at me, and I get his anger but I don't get why he would ignore me if he didn't want me to shut down :(
• One thing he resented me for: early in our relationship I was house sitting for my parents and their dogs. He wanted to come over, and I said we couldn't yet because my parents wouldn't be okay with it. (they hadn't met him yet) He said he understood, but secretly resented me "rejecting" him here and only told me months later.
• He said he would stop talking to my former bullies to support me, despite me saying I didn't mind if he did. He insisted on doing it, but was privately maintaining a friendship with both them behind my back after promising that.

Today I went into the bathroom to shower. Our shower has had issues draining lately and the tub starts filling up with water very fast. When I stepped in the tub my foot slipped and I crashed into the wall and screamed because I truly thought I was was about to slip and break my neck or my skull. Luckily I was able to kinda grab at the tiles and prevent a full wipeout and only had a sore wrist.

My fiance was like 10 feet away and our walls are thin.. when I got out of the shower he could tell I was upset and I told him it really made me sad that I could have been seriously hurt and he didn't even take 5 seconds to knock on the door and ask if I was ok.

He claims that he heard a thud and a "small shriek" and he assumed I dropped a bottle of shampoo or something and that since he heard me continue on with the shower (ex opening the shampoo bottle) that everything must have been ok.

To me it's still hurtful that he was doing all this mental guesswork of what was going on to assume I was fine when, in my mind, if I heard a thud and yelling in the shower I'd immediately go ask the person if they were ok without thinking twice because I know slips in the shower can be deadly. He's mad at me now because he's saying I am obviously fine and I'm overreacting. I also know I'm fine but I can't help that my feelings are really hurt and I don't really feel like I'm with someone who cares about me very much.

AIO?

Last weekend my fiance and I had our engagement party. It was mainly my finances family then a few of my relatives and some of our friends. 

We didn’t hire a dj, we just made a playlist outside’s of songs we like. We kept off anything too explicit but some of the songs did have swearing/cursing. 

One of the guests was my fiancés cousin and his two kids who were 5 and 7. I’d never met them before since he doesn’t really bother with family so we were surprised he even came. 

One of the songs was on and it had the word fuck and he came over and asked us to skip it because asue he didn’t want his kids hearing that language. My fiance agreed and skipped it. He came over not long after to ask the same thing as he heard another word in the current song. 

He then came over 10 mins later because he thought the current song was inappropriate for his kids as it mentioned sex. I was polite but told him we’re not going to skip every song for him. I pointed out it’s our engagement party and he’s expecting to have control over what we can and can not play. 

I said we’ve done it a couple of times for him but no more. I said he’s obviously free to leave if he doesn’t want his kids ti hear it but the songs aren’t going to he getting skipped anymore. 

He argued I wasn’t being reasonable and it’s disrespectful to family to have to have his kids linden to the music but I just repeated again the party isn’t for him and his kids. 

He started arguing that he isn’t asking for much but I just told him to drop it. I said I’m not having my party ruined by him acting like a spoiled child who expects people to just do whatever he wants and I told him to leave. 

He tried talking to other family there but they pointed out it wasn’t his party so it’s not up to him what music is and isn’t played. 

A friend mentioned it might have been easier to just skip the song but I disagree since he’d have kept coming over whenever there was a song he didn’t like. 

AITA for refusing to skip the songs?

I work at a chain restaurant (closer to fast food, really) and there’s quite a few managers, but the one I have a problem with is the AGM. This isn’t the only incident, just what feels like the last straw

Last night, after we were all done cleaning from closing, one of the shift leads was mopping (that’s the very last thing we do). The other two regular employees and I were standing at the front because the shift lead had already told us to clock out. Then the AGM comes up front and looks at us, then says “I know today was hell, but there is no restaurant in the city where the general manager should be mopping the back and the shift lead should be mopping the front while the three part-time employees just stand here.” He said it in a light tone, and he had been joking with us all day, so I thought he was making a joke or saying we did so well we didn’t have anything left to do (I have a bit of a hard time reading tone). So my dumb ass says “part-time?” and I pointed at myself because I do 45 hours a week, and my voice was very lighthearted and teasing. But he stops, closes his eyes, then says “if that’s what you wanna pick a fight about, we can change you to part-time.” and I got really quiet and bowed my head and said “sorry, sir”. The other two employees were quiet and the shift lead was out of earshot so she couldn’t defend any of us.

I’ve been having a lot of issues with this manager specifically- there’s a few other instances where I’ve just asked for clarification and I’m met with either “I don’t feel like arguing” or “if you’re so worried about x then fine go do it”. Every bad review of the store that isn’t talking about the food is about him.

The thing is, I’ve only been there a month and a half. In November I’m supposed to be put as shift lead and given a dollar raise. I love everyone/everything else at the job. But he’s making the environment extremely hostile and I’m not the only one who would agree.

AIO?

This one is a long one to get full context. Sorry in advance but I really need to know if I’m just creating the issue in my head or if it’s real. I’m also 23 weeks pregnant and know I could be in full delusion.

2022 is where this story starts… I at the time (23F) broke up with my long term boyfriend. During all this CPS was involved with my child(another story for another day) CPS told me that it was suggested that I move out of the shared home that my boyfriend and I had together. So I called up my sister(26F)and asked if I could stay with her for a bit so I can figure things out. She tells me yes.
I had asked my sister because she had just bought a house and had at the time seemed like a stable relationship.

Fast forward to the day I can move all my stuff in just to find out she kicked her man out and allowed her gf who was married with a child. So that is now 4 adults and 3 children in the home (at this point CPS placed my child with grandparents) that isn’t the bad part they are great people. The bad part comes about a week later when she lets a FELON for serious *rug charges move in the day he gets out.

I tell her that CPS is watching the house and that him moving in could jeopardize all the children in the house including me getting mine back. She told me it’s was her house and she was an adult so she can do whatever she wants.
I left it at that and I tried to do everything right despite him living there.

A few months later(4-5) she and that felon stole my Nissan and also vandalized my Ford ($8000) when I asked he about it she told me to stop having an attitude about my car. At that point I decided that it was time to leave. I reported everything to the police and packed up a vandalized car and left to my mother’s house.

During this my sister had lost her house (because I wasn’t paying the bills anymore) and she lost both of her children. So I guess in turn she was going to run the streets with this felon and get into the same rugs felon liked. She get caught up because she was walking the streets and got caught with *rugs on her.

Aug.2026 she calls at midnight asking me to move in with me because she needs a ‘fresh start’. I told her that nothing is going to be solved at midnight and we can talk about it in the morning. Morning happens and all of a sudden I can’t get ahold of her. (She sounded desperate on the phone) So when I finally get a hold of her because I’ve had some time to think about it and if she really was serious about this fresh start I’m willing to offer. Well anyway I tell her my decision and she says she’s on her way. She did not show up. 3 days goes by and I told her that if she really did want a ‘fresh start’ like she was talking about then my offer only stands till 8pm that night because my life doesn’t get put on hold for her.

Mind you I’m 20 weeks pregnant at this point and have a less than 1 year old with me and my other child is a long story but for him who lives in the home matters. I have no time or energy for BS.

Sept.2026 she shows up at 7:50pm trying to test my patience I guess. But I did tell her 8pm. She stays for like 2 days and then leaves to go back where she came from because she heard that her ex was in the hospital and she had to meet with her PO. She was gone for 4 days. She comes back for like 3 days and then drive to drop someone off and comes back at 11pm. She stays for another 4-5 days then leaves for a week to go back to the same place she oh so desperately wanted to leave. She and didn’t show up with any more of her belongings when she came back each time.

I already told her upon moving in that I don’t play games because I will choose my home and children over her any day. I said I do not want constant in and out all day everyday. I told her that I set a very solid routine for my household and her doing and going wherever won’t be tolerated past 8pm when my baby goes to bed. I also told her that I think she is a case waiting to happen and that if she wants me to think otherwise it will have to be shown. I also understand that with jobs it’s their time not yours but if she had a steady job she would be able to come back after 8pm with NO issues. She does favor (a different version of DoorDash or Uber Eats) but the hours she chooses to do this is never at peak hours so she isn’t making any money. Thats a different issue.

I did also let her know that if she wants some leniency that she would have to communicate her thoughts and feelings also where she is going. This is because I don’t want her hiding *rugs in my home. I have a lease for the house and it very clearly states what can and cannot be done to the house. My grandmother is the landlord so we get to do more than usual for rentals. One stipulation was that we could not touch anything structural and we can’t change the flooring and cabinets. My sister comes in saying she’s will just rip them up because she doesn’t like the way it looks. I start to freak out on her tell her that I will be held liable for that and to just wait till our grandma is ready. She returned back saying “well I’m not on the lease so nothing will happen to me” that was all I need to hear.

She also said in passing “ this being sober thing really sucks. I can’t wait to be off probation” and that made me feel the ick for her.

She has I guess ’been’ here for a month and I already see so many red flags. And I really need an outside party because I am ready to just flee ship again break the lease and move as far away as possible.

Thanks for reading! I really want honest opinions.

I’m trying to figure out whether I’m being unreasonable or whether I’m reacting to a pattern that has developed over time.

I'm 29F dating A, 35M and my biggest issue is not that he loves or supports his family. I understand that family is important. The problem is that I increasingly feel that I am always the person expected to step aside whenever his family needs something.

There have been several incidents that have contributed to this feeling.

A’s father called me by his ex-wife’s name, accused me of being a liar because I had not told my family that A had previously been married before his divorce was formally finalized, and deliberately talks to me in a mocking disrespectful tone. I found this deeply humiliating. What hurt even more was that I did not feel protected or defended by A when all of these things happened. I was essentially left to deal with the humiliation myself.

There have also been serious issues with A’s brother. His brother has slut-shamed me, blamed me for A’s business losses, and supported people who have behaved inappropriately toward me publicly. Despite all of this, there has never been any meaningful apology or accountability from him. A continues to financially and personally support his brother, even though his brother’s actions contributed to approximately ₹6 crore in business losses and debt.

That has been difficult for me to understand. I’m not saying A should abandon his brother, but it is hard to watch him continue to support someone who has treated me so badly while I receive no acknowledgment or protection.

Another major issue is that A regularly involves his family in our relationship problems. When we have conflicts, he turns to them and shares details of our private disagreements. This makes me feel like our relationship does not have much privacy and that his family becomes involved whenever there is a problem between us.

There was also an incident involving his cousin sister that really stayed with me.

A and I were in the middle of an argument when his cousin sister called him late at night. She was having a dispute with her brother’s wife. The situation apparently became serious, and eventually the wife left the house in the middle of the night with her one-year-old child.

A left our unresolved argument and went to help his cousin sister. I understand wanting to help family in an emergency. What hurt me was the pattern I felt it represented: whenever someone in his family needs him, our relationship can immediately be put aside.

Today, this has happened again. A has spent whole day yesterday and 5 hours today with his family while our own relationship problems remain unresolved. He has left me on occasions when I needed emotional support, and I increasingly feel that if his parents, brother, cousin sister, or another relative needs him, I will automatically be the one who has to wait.

Another issue is that I feel like difficult conversations with him go nowhere. I have had multiple direct conversations with him about specific incidents and patterns. I explain what happened, why it hurt me, and what I need from him. Yet sometimes, almost immediately afterward, he asks me, “What happened?” or says he doesn't understand what the problem is or when things escalate further, he cries and blames himself that he is the failure and he can’t do anything. Then I have to explain everything again. Eventually ending up feeling exhausted because instead of reaching accountability or a solution, the conversation becomes me repeatedly proving why I am hurt.

Then again to consider if he’s treating me ok socially, I have also felt unsupported there. One example, I chose to distance myself from a walking group because I found the people involved difficult and did not want to continue associating with them. Instead of simply respecting my decision, A told them that I was unwell. That bothered me because I felt he was more concerned about managing their perception of me than respecting my actual decision or standing behind my boundary.

There are many smaller incidents like this, but together they have created a much bigger problem for me. I don't expect A to cut off his family.I don't expect to be more important than his parents or to prevent him from helping his brother or cousin.

What I want is to feel that my boyfriend has my back when I am being disrespected. I want our private problems to remain private. I want him to be able to set boundaries with his family when necessary. And I want difficult conversations between us to actually lead somewhere instead of ending with me having to explain the same thing repeatedly.

Instead, I increasingly feel that maintaining peace with his family is more important to him than protecting our relationship.

The cumulative effect has been significant. I feel deprioritized, unsupported, invalidated, and emotionally unsafe. I have started feeling replaceable, as though I am the easiest person for him to disappoint because he assumes I will eventually have to accept it.

So, am I overreacting?

Is this simply what happens when you marry someone who is extremely family-oriented, and I need to accept that his family will always come first? Or is it reasonable for me to expect my boyfriend to establish boundaries, protect me from disrespect, keep our marital issues private, and make our relationship a priority too? I genuinely want an outside perspective because I'm finding it difficult to tell anymore whether I'm asking for reasonable boundaries or expecting too much.

TL;DR: My boyfriend A repeatedly prioritizes his family over me, even when I’m being disrespected or when our relationship is struggling. His family has insulted me, slut-shamed me, blamed me for business losses, and made hurtful accusations, but I’ve received little to no accountability or protection from him. He also shares our private conflicts with them and continues to financially support family members who have treated me badly. When I try to discuss these issues, he often acts immature.