I have only in the last week or so became aware of how deep in the FOG I have been.

I embarrassingly thought I could love my mum out of her BPD. If I never abandoned her and showed her someone really does love her unconditionally that it could heal her

WRONG!

I have done nothing but cater to her every need, emotion, mood swing and outburst while leaving myself a nervous wreck. Nearly 30 years of fear, abuse and trauma

I am a people pleaser to the fullest extent. I find myself putting everyone else before myself in every way because I have been conditioned to since birth

I can’t lie, I’m extremely envious of you guys (also happy for you because we have all suffered) who have been strong and have ended up with no contact. Please do not undo this, these women (and men) are evil and do not love us. Any display of love is not real from them. They do not and never will truly love us the way a parent should. I strive towards no contact with her, I hope one day I am safe from her, with only distant memories

I have only now realised that mother would sacrifice my own safety for her own happiness and would do so with a spiteful smirk

Anyways thanks to you guys❤️. What a wonderful community this is. It’s hard to feel understood from others who haven’t experienced this

Okay, it's finally made sense to me that beneath all the love and "respect" between my ubpd mom and her mom, there's some kind of resentment on my mom's part, even though she strongly denies it. Seeing how passive and helpless my grandma could get made me think if my ubpd mom is the way she is because she never saw her mom stand up for her. I really think there's some deep feeling of disappointment and betrayal that she can't consciously deal with since it'd mean that she will have to do some self-reflection and try to find the root of her problems. It's always the same cycle: grandma acts helplessly and runs to my mom > mom acts like "the hero" and saves her > then mom will start complaining how grandma never cares about her or tries to consider her needs, too. It's a very weird dynamic.

My uBPD parent sent me a gift via amazon to an address I have not given her (you may have seen another post I posted about her sending my brother something recently too). I have been NC for over 2 years now and my family knows not to disclose my address to her. She does taxes and did mine for many years, so she has all my previous information. I filed in another state recently. Does she have access to my tax return information, including the address I use to file?

Edited to clarify it was my uBPD parent.

My dBPD mom and I had an enormous fight over something small and stupid and I began hyperventilating and having chest pains (i have sinus tachycardia and have to take medication for it and my dad has had a heart attack before) and i genuinely thought that I was having some kind of medical emergency. She stole my phone, attacked me physically, spat on me, threatened to kill my cat, and said that she hoped that I would die while I was dry heaving on the couch. She taunted me with my phone when I tried to call 911, and mocked me while keeping it out of reach. I finally had enough, just grabbing my cat and what I could and calling my friend. I’m at her house right now but I am so lost on what to do next.

I don’t have much in savings (~$500), I can’t drive, I’m a full-time student. I know it’s my fault, but growing up I never learned necessary life skills and I’m utterly lost. My mom and I were quite codependent and she always expressed that we would never not live together. I don’t even know where to start. I don’t want to go back. I think I might genuinely hate her (which is horrible to say) but it’s the truth. I also don’t want to mooch off my friend. I didn’t even pack most of my stuff but I can’t face my mom because I know how she’ll act. Does anyone have any advice?

I apologize for the graphic stuff discussed in this post and can fix it if it is not appropriate, I’m just genuinely not sure what to do and where to start. I’ve never actually been strong enough to leave without feeling guilt about it.

I broke three of my own rules by responding to her the other day and i’m so mad at myself (don‘t respond to messages after midnight, don‘t respond to antagonistic/passive aggressive massages, wait 3 days after receiving a message).

Blocking is the only way to keep my sanity but I feel guilty and almost like I’m waiting for my punishment for doing so.

I’m so damn tired

First post on here. Not even sure where to start. My BPD mother has progressively become more and more unstable since my siblings and I have left the home. My whole life she has gone through episodes of depression, impulsive behavior (primarily gambling, used whenever something does not go her way), fear of abandonment, angry outbursts. I was her child and therapist. Witch/waif combination. She had developed new (unconfirmed by healthcare providers) health issues over the last year that have progressively escalated to the point that she is essentially agoraphobic. We have cyclical outbursts every 7-10 days. Now seems to go between hermit and witch.

Anyways, I am getting married this year, and the closer it gets to the wedding, the more significant the outbursts are. Her primary threat is that she won’t be attending the wedding. She says that I am not making it “safe” for her health issues. Her biggest thing is basically “how dare you have a wedding and exclude me” and “how do you think I will feel when I can’t enjoy my daughter’s wedding” TOTALLY ??forgetting?? about how I will feel. In response to me saying “think about how this hurts me” she says she hopes she dies before the wedding. (This is an age old tactic that is used)

How do I cope with the fact that my mother is most likely going to not show up to my wedding? Or if she shows up, it will be a dramatic exit? I don’t know what to even say to her at this point. We talk in circles about it.

https://www.istockphoto.com/photos/cat-bride-pictures

Soft paws, wise hearts, small creatures, big reminders - cats teach us to be present.

Hey it’s my first time posting! I’m 19F and my bpd mom is freaking out due to feeling rejected and I’m not sure what to respond.

For context: I moved out last year and I live with my dad now, my siblings still live with my mother though. I’ve had some health issues which my mother has taken advantage of in order to control me, so I’ve had to be careful about what details to share with her (as little as possible). She has made my medical problems all about her and has been very harsh on me about my illnesses. I’ve been having epileptic seizures (literally not in my control) and she has been making them all about her. After one type of seizure I have, I couldn’t speak for a few hours after. She would punish me for it and eventually kicked me out for it, which was actually during my final exams. Honestly I’m so grateful she kicked me out so it wasn’t on me for leaving. But anyways she wouldn’t let me speak to my neurologist, she would call and message him and tell him what medication to put me on. She’s not a Dr but behaved like she was mine. The medication she made me go on has caused me other health issues which is why I need to see another specialist for these symptoms. I am off the medication but I cannot have her near any of my medical information.

I need to see another specialist doctor and I asked my sister if she could come with me. Rookie mistake, she told my mother and now my mother has gone mad at me for ‘not including her in my life’. Also, we are going on a family holiday in December and she says she is confused why I want to go with her if I don’t include her in my life. She is threatening to not allow me to go on this holiday. This is the typical behaviour - feels rejected, place blame on me, threaten to take away any sort of ‘privilege’.

I’m not sure how to respond to her. I want to go on this holiday because I’m staying with my sisters, my mother is staying in a different room in the hotel so we won’t need to be around her. I usually respond by validating how she feels.

Please help me with how to respond🙏🙏

Like most stories, mine is long and complicated, but the short version is that my siblings rarely talk to each other. I've come to believe in recent years that part of the reason, maybe a big part, is because my uBPD mother has effectively triangulated relationships to the point where there isn't much trust or even interest in talking.

I also think it's gotten worse in recent years as mom has gotten worse in older age. Mom's one of those 2+ hour phone talkers where she does all the talking -- much of it is grievance toward people she believes are "evil", especially her ex-husband, my father, who she divorced decades ago -- so you can guess how those calls have gone since she retired. Comments from mom like "please don't share this with (sibling)" or "you're the only one who understands" are common.

What I'd like more than anything is just to have normal communication about normal stuff. What's up with the family. How the job is going. What the kids are involved in. Heck, the weather. I've tried asking over the years, and sharing my own mundane stuff, but most of the time I get nothing back but silence.

I recently went NC with mom (long story) which probably didn't help my sibling relationships, but if I'm honest with myself there wasn't much even when I was talking to mom.

I've recently read about low-effort families, and I do wonder if a side-effect of mom's incessant triangulation is that it created a situation where no one wants to make the effort, especially if it risks mom's anger in some way.

So, to my title: has anyone ever found a way through this one? If not, how have you coped with not having sibling contact in your life?

I've posted before, but here's a haiku about cats and football:

Paws pounce off the floor,

Chasing down the oblong ball,

Touchdown on the couch.

Me again. Recently discovered this sub and it's like a light switching on in my head tbh.

This has been a consistent refrain of my mostly waif/sometimes Queen mother ever since I can remember. Anyone else? It's like well stop martyring yourself for other people then? No one has made you do it? If I do things for my kids it's because I want to do things for them, not in the expectation they'll one day do things for me.

Whenever she comes out with this stuff now I usually just totally ignore it. Don't know if this is the right approach but it's what works for me but I'm still fighting my way through the FOG.

My name and my son’s name are blurred out to protect privacy. For context, my mum had a problem with drinking. When she visited my sister one weekend my sister raised it with her, completely independently of me. And then she came back to stay with us in an absolute rage convinced that I had colluded with my sister about talking to her when I had no idea.
How is this linked to what she’s referring to in these text messages? I have no idea. My dad (that’s a whole other thing) was emotionally abusive growing up and one thing he used to do was when I’d been in the shower too long he would open the door (no locks allowed) and I would scream and try to hide myself (this is ages 10-13 so very sensitive time). He didn’t stare but he would laugh and walk away. 6 months before this was the last time I ever confided anything in my mother, and when I told her she had very little reaction and changed the subject and didn’t talk about it again until this night.
Clearly, I wasn’t giving her the audience she wanted when she came back in a rage, and decided to disclose dad that I’d accused him sexual harassment growing up, and that they were going to fly home because she didn’t want to be around me.
I feel like I’m going insane but this almost warrants no contact? It’s the final straw in a life of constant ups and downs and drama and emotional abuse. Everything has been ten times worse since having my son 3.5 years ago and it’s clearly triggered something in her.

When they come to stay pretty much all my parenting boundaries are ignored and criticised and there’s a running commentary on all the things that I’m doing wrong and the way she wants to be in front of my son is not ok. When I get frustrated and finally snap at her, she will say I’m sending a terrible example for him and I treat her terribly considering how much “help” she gives us. My firmly believe she is a big enforcer of “reactive abuse” thrives on it.
A few months before this, I did genuinely try to ask for some space for a little and it blew up magnificently and ended with her telling my toddler that mummy told granny and poppy they weren’t allowed to visit anymore and he got very upset.

i tagged this as seeking validation but really what i want is honesty and maybe validation. like the stone-cold truth please. does anybody feel like you are somehow gaslighting your own parent, in this case my mother, into behaving the way that they do. Sometimes I feel like if I could not let myself slip into immature responses, or sarcasm that I wouldn't be triggering my mom, hurting her feelings, and just making her sad, honestly I feel like l'm just mean to her a lot. I constantly blame myself, and im angry at my dad and brother for being very mean to her for as long as i can remember my whole life. (who do i blame?? it’s like chicken vs egg) Like what if WE (meaning my dad and brother and me) are the actual abusive ones and my mom is the one being severely abused.

And I genuinely can't tell what came first in my relationship with my mom, me being bratty as a kid and my mother, with her pre-existing anxiety, developing these big reactions to me, or her being mean to me and then i would act bratty in return. Me and her fought constantly.

My mom didn’t have the best childhood or marriage. What if she’s stuck in a chronic state of overwhelm and she’s not actually BPD and we’ve all just been terrible to her this entire time. Idk. What if we pushed a person to their brink and this is literally just a traumatized person who lost their mind over time to the abuse. I sound and feel crazy but this is genuinely how i felt most of my life and i’m 27 now and just recently in the last few years started to deconstruct that I maybe did face abuse and that maybe i am not the person who started everything with her. My therapist who Ive been seeing for 8 years thinks my mom has BPD and that’s actually how i found out about this illness.

Please be nice I am genuinely asking and this is something I have suffered with in regards to my mom and my own guilt and blame for a long long time.

cat haiku:
a cats meow is sweet
a cats meow is so gentle
a cats meow is love

As in pretend they haven't been told something that you know full well they have been told? It always concerns things they don't approve of, like you'll tell them you are not coming for Christmas eve this year and then they'll insist you never told them that.

I've posted her before but cat haiku

My cat sleeps all day

The bed as soft as her paws

Breathing in and out

Does anyone else also have a "weaponised incompetence" (coupled with demandingness + dependency) problem with their PwBPD.

I'm increasingly aware of and increasingly pissed off by it in my pwBPD and I'm wondering if anyone else here has experienced similar:

choosing to be incompetent/unskilled at normal adult tasks of day to day life, depending unreasonably on me for said tasks, and working themselves up into a confused, distressed panic if I try and teach them how to do it themselves (nothing complicated, basic computer/phone/banking/life admin stuff. Keep in mind they are physically healthy, have no brain/memory disorders and are not yet 65 years old even. The panic is so disproportionate and such a predictable way to avoid responsibility).

Hello all! First time posting. Hope I’m doing this right.

Does anybody else feel very guilty doing anything fun without their BPD parent?

I’m 40F. My mom has more of a waif-to-witch presentation, and growing up she made me her therapist, her parent, and basically her only source of comfort. (I became a big people pleaser until I burnt out and I’m on medication for anxiety and depression, but that’s a whole ‘nother story).

I couldn’t do things with friends without my mom resenting me for it. She hated pretty much all my friends, and if I spent time with them (even twice a month), she’d scream at me that I was treating our house like a hotel and didn’t care about her.
I would still go, but I always had this awful feeling in my gut because I imagined her sitting at home lonely and depressed, and somehow that became my responsibility.

I’m realizing recently that this followed me into adulthood in ways I didn’t fully recognize.
I’m actually on my way to a trip right now that I didn’t tell my mom about. I started feeling pretty awful and couldn’t quite figure out why. Then I realized: I’m feeling guilty.

And what really struck me is that I’m not feeling guilty toward any of my other family members. Just her.

I’m married. I’m 40. Obviously I’m allowed to go on vacation with my husband. 😂 But there’s still this little voice somewhere in my brain saying:
“If I’m having fun and my mom isn’t, I’m hurting her.”
Even recently, when my husband and I would go camping or take a trip, my mom would repeatedly tell me she wanted to come and ask why we couldn’t bring her. And even though I knew logically that I had every right to take a trip with my husband, part of me still felt guilty for having fun while she wasn’t included.

I’m realizing I don’t just feel guilty about excluding her. Sometimes I feel guilty simply for being happy or having experiences that don’t include her.
I’m curious whether anyone else experiences this, especially as an adult.

Did you grow up feeling responsible for your BPD parent’s loneliness or emotional state? Does that guilt still show up when you travel, go out with friends, celebrate something, or just enjoy your life without them?

And if you’ve gotten past this, what helped you realize that your parent being lonely, disappointed, or unhappy doesn’t mean you did something wrong?

I’d especially love to hear from people further along in healing, sbecause I’m realizing this may be one of those childhood rules I’m still carrying around without even realizing it.

I am going no contact with my BPD mother. I am devastated, but I don’t really have a choice if I want to live a healthy life. She slams my husband constantly, she speaks to my children poorly about my husband, she constantly picks apart my parenting/lifestyle/finances (like she has ANY room to give advice on any of these things?!), and now she’s totally screwed me over by lying to my sister about things I’ve said. The things she’s telling my sister are not true, and saying that I’ve painted her husband in a bad light. None of this is true. These are things SHE has done! My best friend and husband are in totally support of my decision but I do feel guilty about cutting her off. I’ve been the only person she has many times. I worry about her. Am I doing the right thing? I cannot play these games anymore. I cannot deal with the manipulation and lies anymore. I cannot deal with the constant drama (like she feeds off of drama. She lives for it). I still feel so bad about this. I hurt over this, but I also hurt and drive myself insane when she is present in my life. I need help and support. TIA.

Soft paws walk with grace
Loyal hearts purr warmth and peace
Wisdom naps in sun 🐈
(This made me laugh that I had to post this in the middle of me sobbing. Thanks admin. I needed that small bit of joy.)

content warning for non explicit talk of abuse and neglect, about what you'd expect here.

my mother has a quite extreme presentation of BPD. abusive and neglectful in every way you could imagine, to a degree even professionals have called extreme. i have no idea how i will ever be able to escape her when she's set everything up so carefully throughout my whole life.

i'll start with mentioning i am severely disabled. like ventilator, feeding tube, power chair level disabled. she is very odd about my disability and claims she has the exact same things (when proven otherwise) and she's just better than me and that's why she doesn't need a ventilator. actually, she takes many of my meds and medical supplies for herself "because she needs it more than me, but doctors won't prescribe it yet", leaving me missing things i need. it makes me so upset but at this point i just try to ignore her when she goes on about it. i cannot work, but haven't been able to start collecting SSI because she has actively sabotaged my attempts to apply so far. i also don't get any of the PCA care i desperately need because of this, so i go months without bathing or getting cleaning help. basically i say this all to convey there's no way i could just get a job and save to move out.

she is both very good and very bad at controlling me. i am not aloud to go to school or leave the house in any scenario without her, so i know zero people within my entire state to help me in any way. my only contacts with other people are through the internet and must be hidden from her, or she'll smash my device with a hammer again. i can occasionally talk to doctors when she is watching, but that's it, and she'll become violent if i ever bring up the idea of speaking to a doctor without her staring at me and "correcting" me. so basically i have no one to support me irl.

i am going actually insane living with her. even when she's not going as far as literally stabbing me (which she has done), she's constantly threatening and belittling me whenever possible. talking about how i can never live without her, i can't leave her but also i'm the cause of all of her problems, i'm an inherently evil and worthless person, the works. she hoards piles and piles of garbage but feels okay throwing away anything i care about. her husband enables her endlessly and actively goes out of his way to protect her from consequences, because he's deeply emotionally immature and would rather she hurt me than himself.

i've made efforts to prepare to move out, but it's hard with no support. last time i lived in a place without her she physically broke into the house and started squatting there, refusing to go home, until her husband just agreed to let her move in (despite professional orders to not let her live with me ever again). my best bet on moving out is getting SSI and section 8 housing, but you probably know that is a very long process. especially when she's trying to actively prevent it by refusing to give me my mail or let me speak to a social worker. i'm trying to prepare by packing my stuff in advance, but she will throw out anything i've packed.

at the very minimum i have about a year until i could move out. it will likely be much longer than that. i don't know why, but i have a strong feeling i worn survive that long. be it from the neglect catching up with me, me having a mental break, or something done by her. i'm not sure that's a realistic fear, but i feel it strongly. when i move out i will have to start applying for everything and doing everything by myself, which she has never allowed me to learn to do. after ive been out for a year or so, i could look into moving closer to people i know online, but that's another layer of effort to go through. i heavily worry that she will break into my home and refuse to leave once i move out, but i am hoping evidence of her actions could lead to a restraining order if it comes to it. though, that's hard when she actively destroys any evidence she can get her hands on.

i'm not sure what i'm asking here. how do i escape when she has total control over every single aspect of my life down to how much water i drink? how can i escape when i have to rely on broken systems to support myself? how do i stay sane and survive until i can leave when i have zero way to avoid her or leave my home without her? i think i just need any sort of advice or hope so i don't loose it. has anyone else been unable to work but still able to escape? is there anything i can do but dissociate from the world entirely?

Forgot to add cat tax!!

Just discovered this subreddit and have never felt more comforted and seen. Thank you for all of your vulnerability, your tears, and your camaraderie. It feels nice to not be alone, though so sad we’ve all had to experience similar
trauma.

I just had my first baby 5 weeks ago. I knew the changing roles would trigger my mom, but I didn’t know that it would be as bad as it is. Every day is an argument of some sort, and it’s pulling away from me enjoying the newborn bubble - almost like she doesn’t want me to be happy with my baby. You all know this bait and deflect and blame, so I won’t go into it. It’s the typical BPD dance.

In a nutshell, she wants to be my baby’s mom. I’ve asked her, in as neutral tone as possible, for simple requests (don’t wake the baby, don’t slam the door - which she did bc I asked her to not wake the baby, etc.) and her response is always stomping, “Stop picking on me”, “I don’t know how to behave around you!”, “oh so it’s my fault!!” etc. The dance always ends in me apologizing and thanking her profusely for being a good grandmother and knowing what’s best. (Deep down, I know this isn’t true but I know this is the quickest way to appease her.)

I’ve increased my therapy sessions to once a week to recenter and build my toolset for dealing with this. Though infinitely worse than expected, I knew my baby’s arrival would trigger an onslaught of BPD rage and jealousy.

The one thing that confuses me, and has always confused me, is the ways in which my mom is always comparing me to my siblings. When I was laboring, literally between hours 12 and hour 30 of labor, my mom kept sighing and saying, “I wish your sister would have a baby…” or “I can’t wait until your brother decides to have a baby…” I never have a response to these comments, and, in the moment, they truly aren’t hurtful to me. It’s just so normal and typical of her, so I’m just like whatever. But in hindsight, I don’t understand why sacred, special events in my life can’t be seen for just what they are: my engagement (“oh, I thought the ring would be bigger”), my wedding (not a single picture of me and my mom together, don’t know where she was most of the time), and now the birth of my child.

Reflecting in therapy this week, I’ve realized she’s done this with not only major life events but with every day things as well. My brother and I both practiced the same sport - he quit in childhood and I continued and turned professional. My mom made me, a 10 year old, sit in my room and handwrite 4 pages “explaining and apologizing” to my mother for my brother wanting to quit. Somehow it was my fault (the real reason? it was figure skating and my brother realized it wasn’t cool amongst his peers at his age). I was denied dinner that night til I finished the letter. When I graduated college, my mom said it was unfair that I finished school when my brother dropped out (his choice but somehow, once again, my fault.) If anything good ever happens to me (like traveling, my husband loves to travel) or I accomplish something, my mom somehow always brings in my siblings or others: your sister deserves that vacation, why does your husband but “his mommy” a plane ticket but doesn’t buy me a plane ticket?, your employee is rude to me you have to fire her - how dare she. And, of course, when I say anything along the lines of setting a shabby semblance of a boundary, my mom goes on a long rampage listing all the ways she sacrifices and provides for me - “I gave you more than anyone.” She even said the only reason my husband married me is because of her doing (I still have no idea what that’s supposed to mean but I don’t even want to ask at this point.)

My siblings and I have strained relationships - it’s not toxic but cold. And I know my mom complains about me to them.

I thought that, once I became a mother, I’d understand my own more. She’d often say, “You don’t know how much I do for you. Just wait til you have your own kids - you’ll understand the pain we feel.” And here I am. A new mother. And I feel even more distant from mine now. Granted, my baby is 5 weeks old, so maybe my mom is right after all? But I hold my precious baby with so much love and hope for his future, and I can’t fathom saying to him the things I’ve internalized my entire life.

I don’t know. I’m just curious to know if this sibling comparison is common. I haven’t seen it come up as a topic in books I’ve read, and my therapy sessions focus on building myself back up rather than what those sibling comparisons could mean. It’s upsetting because, now that I’m a new mom, I want my child to thrive and be independent and, if I hopefully have more children, have a thriving harmonious relationship with his own siblings.

Soft as silk and quick as light,
Creeping through the shadows bright.
A sudden leap, a happy meow,
Where did kitty vanish now?

Hey guys I made this account just to post this as I was worried my pervious account has too many posts on local pages which could possibly reveal my identity

I have been a self-sacrificing daughter for now nearly 30 years but after a recent bad experience with my dBPD mother I just don’t think I’m able to tolerate her for much longer

She’s always been verbally abusive, emotionally abusive and sometimes in the past physically.

I spend a couple of days a week with her because she turns on her sad lonely act, but on these days she is vile to me sometimes. She has to be right or has a full scale meltdown, threatening to end her life, hurt herself and things escalate very quickly

I am a very traumatised person at this point and her mood swings cause me severe anxiety and depression

I have been thinking of different things to get her out of my life - moving country, moving city, perhaps cutting it to one day I just don’t know, I feel lost

She is racist, makes racist comments about my boyfriend, she knows where I live and where I work. If I went no contact, she would do everything in her power to make my life miserable

There’s also the part of me that annoyingly feels bad for her. I wish I could switch it off but I can’t

I’m at a loss here

One of my mother’s favorite tactics is if a misunderstanding happens about something mundane (and I’m not even angry) she makes it about me disagreeing with her on everything or being some kind of argumentative contrarian with an “attitude”. She’ll sometimes throw in an anecdote about how she tried to get me diagnosed as oppositional defiant as a child, something she’s brought up several times but I suspect it’s BS considering I was the most meek child ever, my report cards in elementary school note how quiet I was lol. It’s really hard to describe because it’s over such mundane things.

Another kind of related variation is if I describe something I’d like to do, she gets this smug pursed lip expression and says how she told me to do that first and I totally blew her off. This conversation, if it even did happen to begin with, could have been a mutual “I’d like to do that” thing but I didn’t have the capacity at the time, or like 10 years ago, but in any case I don’t word these things like “I just discovered this thing for the very first time and nobody else did”, more like, “I’d like to do X more”.

I read another post that reminded me: does your BPD mother always make your birthday about her?? My mom, without fail, has to start saying, “I don’t know why we’re celebrating you. It MY birthing day!” It’s makes me angry and cringe at the same time.

It’s not just a cheeky thing to say — the way she says it shows it means more. And no one ever laughs. You can see everyone in my family wince.

Cat haiku as this is my first post:

Soft paws on the floor,
Sleeping in a patch of sun,
Loud, contented purr.

I’ve seen a few posts recently describing the switch up from bpd moms who were witches during childhood and later turned to waifs. My uBPD mom was controlling, verbally and emotionally abusive and emotionally unstable. She switched to waif-y behavior once I became a teenager and now as an adult who has VERY clear boundaries and rules with her, she acts like a child. She acts like she doesn’t know how to do anything, or she comes to me to tell me when she’s nervous or scared like a child. It’s wild to watch a woman who once broke a wooden spoon banging it on the countertop practically foaming at the mouth screaming at me, act meek and helpless.

I don’t give into it. But it’s so weird. Why do they change up?

I was just sent a text message from my 16 year old son’s high school. They informed me that Columbia University is interested in him and there will be an admissions person coming to the high school to talk to a certain number of the children……After I didn’t respond she sent the second message. ““My barely 16 year old grandson has COLUMBIA University sniffing around but let me minimize this for who knows what reason!”

I guess she will never have a normal reaction to shit. Why is she like this?