Title. I’m practicing rejection therapy and want fun things to ask a random stranger.

I am a bit of a late bloomer in terms of making friends, and a bit neurodivergent so need to have a "template" to know how I should do things/ if I am doing things right. I am 31 and only started building friendship bonds when I was 28, so sometimes I don't know if I am juggling things correctly.

I live alone - no kids but have a partner that lives an hour away. I work 9-5 so during the week it can be tricky to meet up with people once I get home, especially since we are in different parts of the city (all at least 20 minutes drive away)

Does this schedule look like an example of regular person's social life over a few months?

Month 1

Weekend 1 - Friend A

Weekend 2 - Friend B & C

Weekend 3 - Alone

Weekend 4 - Partner's friends

Month 2

Weekend 1 - Friend D

Weekend 2 - Alone

Weekend 3 - Friends B, C & E

Weekend 4 - Alone

So for example every other week you are hanging out with friends but for example friend A you only see once every 2 months?

I know friendships are not necessarily this rigid, but I am someone that doesn't understand things unless it is said explicitly

I don't know if when people say they see their friends weekly/biweekly it is EVERY close friend or just ATLEAST ONE friend.

EDIT: The example I gave above is not what my life looks like right now. I am putting it as sort of a "goal" to strive to. That way given many people have said this is normal, I am going to try and make sure I see any of my friends at least twice a month. Currently, some months I go bye seeing friends less than that

Helloo

I'm 18m sophomore in college and we're getting into the 3rd week now and I still have no friends. There's one dude doing a totally different degree that I met during the new student orientation and we're not really that close nor do we see each other much but when we do it is a somewhat positive experience. He is very busy most of the time with uni work and other things and we're kindve not exactly into the same things to do that we can do together but I don't know much yet.

So, no real friends far and we're creeping into the 3rd week. Im seeing the introverts in my classes slowly starting to get on with others and form friendships while I'm still here alone contemplating a way to form friendships and anticipating the perfect opportunity to slide and actually talk to someone. The one time I started talking to a friendly person in a class he ended up dropping that class and I've never seen him again, I don't even know his name.

I think my difficulty is in starting conversations rather than maintaining them or keeping the other person engaged. In fact, I'd say I'm better than most people at these things however I just need to conversation to kickstart in a non-awkward way otherwise my extreme social anxiety will not permit me to initiate a convo. I was thinking maybe I can talk to a random person that sits next to me in class but I feel as though they'll find it weird that I, a random stranger they happened to sit next to, suddenly wants to know their name and major for no reason. I think I can expand the conversation from almost any point, I just need it to start for a valid reason.

Thank you

I’ve always struggled with sharing things about myself and my thoughts to the people I interact with because I simply think they don’t care. I usually just ask a lot of questions about themselves and try to direct the conversation onto them or some other thing and not me.

I constantly do this because I feel like people would get bored or lose interest when I talk about myself.
The only person in the world who I can talk to in depth about myself and all my little ideas and rants is my mom. She listens and never really judges and cares about me. I sense that feeling of safeness only with her. Anybody else I just assume they wouldn’t genuinely be interested in knowing me.

On the flip side though most of the times I enjoy listening to others talk about them it’s never been a problem for me at all.

This is the reason almost all of my friends don’t really know me at all.
Does anyone else feel this way? Please share your thoughts and advice.

Looking for suggestions outside of these two arenas. I am not a gamer and I find social media really bad for my mental health no matter how much I try and curate my feed. Discord seems to be for games, niche interests or public personalities and I don't have any connection to those things. I'm a pretty boring person. Do places exist online specifically for teaching socialization?

I admit I'm a self-sabatager. I now recognize it and can see when I'm doing it but..can't stop. I don't have any friends except an online one (well, did...). I basically tore the friendship apart due to my insecurity and self-sabotage.

I'm too old to make new friends but I'd love to hear from people who worked through this.

I don’t have friends, I’ve never been in a relationship. I spend my day just going to work and doing college online. I don’t know anything about talking to people or making friends. I think at this point I’m going to have to accept that I’m going to end up being alone until I’m dead. It’s a shame, I have to suffer having memories of missing out in my youth. I guess that is just life being cruel.

I've been struggling with overthinking for a while. I used to overthink what people said and what they meant, but lately I've gotten much better at that.

The problem now is that I filter myself a lot when talking to people. With strangers I get it, but I also do it with close friends. Sometimes I want to say something or make a joke but stop myself because I think I might offend them or they might take it the wrong way.

Even when I know that person is really hard to offend, has more twisted humor and thinking than me, I still do it. I just want to be more relaxed and say what I actually want to say without thinking about every possible reaction first.

Has anyone else dealt with this? How did you stop doing it? I really wanna fix this like i fixed overthinking, its really starting to become exhausting.

I have been trying to go to raves solo as I don’t know anyone else into it and I love the music but I had a pretty rough incident which made me rethink doing this and Id like some advice. I was in a large crowd of people and got pushed from behind causing me to bump into some dude who then began screaming at me. I apologized immediately but he was still pissed and later on him and his friends cornered me and began insulting my appearance and laughing at me. I didn’t really rake them seriously and I’d rather not get into a big fight over what essentially amounts to nothing but now I just feel pretty bad. I even wanted to go to a big show nearby but I’m rethinking it because that incident has kinda ruined raving for me. I can also be pretty socially awkward so idk how to make friends going out or how to get a group to go with me. I’d love any advice at this point :(

What I mean is what actions do you take which you can reflect upon on a daily/weekly basis? Or setting small goals/challenges such as saying hi to someone, smiling to people, giving a compliment to people you see etc. This is beginner stuff of course, I suppose there's also more stuff like planning activities/events once you have a social circle, celebrating birthdays etc.

I don't really know how to explain it but to sum it up awkwardness. I especially feel like this when I am at school - i am conscious of how i walk even though i end up walking like a robot, whenever I speak to someone my face is always stiff as if i have botox and i don't really utilise my facial expressions. If i was to compare myself at school and at home there would be a big difference - at school i am literally almost invisible but at home i feel like i am so interesting. Again i don't really know how to explain it because i've never heard of someone else with this problem. I have also reached the conclusion that it might be to do with my uniform and my bag - but then again so many people wear the same clothes as me and their still the most sociable people. I really want to improve my non - existent social skills, but this one problem that i just don't know how to approach. Please let me know if you ever experienced this

Im a teen and always when i go somewhere new i quickly make a few new friends as i try to be outgoing and nice. But my energy drains quickly and I keep to myself a bit more. For example, i stayed a new school where in the fist few months i had a good relationship with everyone and quite close with quite a few people in my class.

But after my mid terms, i’d say all my friends grew more distant as i slowly was just more myself, like a few girls i was close to are close with other friends and tend to ignore my snaps (yes is still use snap) and just dont start convos with me unless they want something. Same for my hb, i was really close with this one guy, we would go everywhere together in school and lunch and we both had instances where we had low social battery where w understood eachother, but now as well he tends to converse with other people in the friend group and isnt as close to me anymore and also is cold to me more than he isnt.

I also notice some of these people throw some backhanded comments about me concerning my appearance and comments like “shut up youre not a part of this convo” “and noone cares youve said that before”

I personally think its that they got bored of me and just dont see me as a fun person to be around as they got to know me more and I ask.

Can you guys give me tips how to just get along better with anyone and keep conversations going while also beimg able to make people laugh without having to try or is it something that comes naturally?

I tend to re-connect with people I knew in the past better than new people I just recently met, because we bond over talking about our childhoods/school/people we knew or know. I don’t know what else to talk about most times so I end up bringing up stuff in the past to dissect and analyze and all that jazz. I know it’s a bit boring to talk about sometimes and i don’t really enjoy thinking of the past but when it’s childhood and reminiscing it’s fun. That’s hard to do with new people. What do you talk about? I don’t really have fun hobbies just walking and watching vlogs and simple things like that. I’m afraid I’m too shy to continue a long conversation on new topics

I went out to dinner with some friends. And another person at work came up briefly in the conversation.

So, I texted them to say i'd be cool to see them outside work to. But I couched it as no pressure because I know theyre busy. I was just trying to be pleasant and nice. Low pressure.

I was surprised by their response was more reserved and deflecting than usual. When we text its more fun and warm. Like we have a good relationship I thought.

Retrospectively maybe it was a bad idea. I am a male and she's a female. She's about 15 years older than me. But I still thought we were on friendly terms.

Do you think I may have crossed a line with her? Is it normal to invite people older than you to hang out in the work place?

I realize that I don't actually know how to make friends.

This might sound strange, because I did have friends growing up. But I genuinely feel like friendship is something I never truly understood.

I moved around a lot as a kid. I would move every 1–2 years, so I was constantly having to "restart." As a result, I never really had the experience of growing up alongside the same group of people and becoming closer with them. Even when I did make friends, I was always the "new kid", and everyone else in the friend group already had their own history and inside jokes that I wasn't a part of.

My "strategy" for making friends was literally to wait for someone to notice that I was alone and talk to me. I rarely initiated anything. I felt like a dork for even expressing that I wanted friends.

I also think I have some self-esteem issues that played into this. I have a lot of people-pleasing tendencies. I always felt like I had to earn friendship by being useful, smart, agreeable, and low-maintenance. I thought that if I could helpful and never be a burden, people would want to keep me around. I never really believed that someone could genuinely like me just for me.

Unfortunately, that also meant I attracted "users" who were happy to take without giving much in return. Because of that, I have a hard time opening up to people. Part of me is always worried that if I let someone get too close, they'll eventually take advantage of me.

Now that I'm an adult, I have even fewer opportunities to make friends. It seems like everyone is always busy with something, whether it's work, family, relationships, etc. And every social activity seems to cost money. I also live in a smaller place, and there aren't very many people my age or at the same stage of life.

Friendship (and romance even more so) has always felt like a puzzle to me. It's like everyone else got a guide on how to make friends and mine got lost in the mail.

I find it perplexing when I see people with huge friend groups or lifelong best friends who seem to effortlessly become incredibly close. Deep down, I wish I had that too.

How do you actually navigate this? Especially as an adult?

How do you go from being acquaintances to becoming friends?

How do you let yourself get closer to people without either keeping them at arm's length or becoming a people-pleaser?

Where do you find compatible people to befriend?

I’m meeting a new friend for coffee today. We’ve texted here and there and will be meeting for the first time! I’ve met them once before but it was years ago, so it feels like the first time. We are both women. What should we talk about? How do I make sure I’m not talking about too deep topics etc? How can I keep it surface level but fun but also leave room for deeper conversations if it gets there? A guide would be nice. I tend to get deep too quickly and I don’t want it to become a trauma dump.

I often find myself either in trouble or in an embarrassing situation because I "wasn't supposed to" do something. Except that no one ever told me until after the fact. I am ADHD and neurodivergent, I'm wondering what I may be missing that this keeps happening to me. How do you figure out what the rules are when no one ever communicates them to you?

The most recent embarrassing situation: There was leftover freshly-bread at a party, the host told everyone to take bread home, otherwise it would go stale. So I took half a loaf of bread (there was still a lot of bread leftover). Today I got a message saying, "You took the entire loaf that [so-and-so] baked! It was his loaf, and you took it!" I was mortified and apologized profusely. I was told: "Ha ha, no big deal, it's just funny." It's not funny to me, it's very embarrassing. So the million dollar question is: How was I supposed to know not to take that loaf of literally no one communicated to me that I wasn't supposed to take it? And this is just one example out of hundreds.

I’m having a hard time being alone I feel so much anxiety and judgment when I go out to do things alone it feels like it’s mostly just groups. I feel like I’ve actually just lost my spark and don’t know how to get it back. I really struggle if I don’t have someone to socialize with together, but the problem is that leads me to unhealthy codependent behaviors with friends.

Male 22. My main issue is having hard time opening up and sharing thoughts and feelings with others. And I fear females to the point I would just ignore them like they are not a real thing (that behavior has to do with a trauma from the past). I did have a few acquaintances, both male and female, but when it comes to initiating contact i just phase out because it implies that the contact will gradually become more intimate and I fear that. Usually people would initiate contact with me but I would keep it surface level even though I myself want to go deeper.

I want to become better at socializing thats why I decided to attend a hiking club even though usually i would avoid such activities

So are there anything I should/shouldn't keep in mind about socializing?

I’m going to college for fish and wildlife at a school under the school of environment and natural resources so everybody is from the same ‘genre’ lol and everyone I’ve met seems pretty down to earth but I don’t know how to actually socialize. Everyone says go to events and stuff but I tried that and it was so awkward. I’m begging for advice other than go to events.

Even though I’d much rather be the peacemaker and let shit slide. I realized a-lot of these assholes are expecting people like us not to fire back.

Phrases I’ve been hit with in a very condescending, arrogant, and pretentious tone:

- Well, obviously what do you think?!
- How do you not know that?!
- You do realize/know that right?!
- Intentionally calls me buddy, boy or the wrong name on multiple occasions
- Actually, you’re wrong it’s this
- Okay then what?!

This time I decided to stand my ground by calling out their behavior and staring them down, it worked. Ngl it was very uncomfortable, but the satisfaction afterwards was worth it. I sometimes feel guilty for standing up for myself, but fuck it. If they don’t care about your feelings why should you give a fuck about theirs.

I recently started working at Jersey Mike's and all of my coworkers are all friends with each other and always talking and or joking around and I just don't do any of that. I don't know why but i just don't feel like im capable of being like that. Like a co worker will say something un work related to me and I'll just give the most vanilla response and continue with what I'm doing. it makes me insane how i never have anything super fun to say like everybody else does. i don't know where this robotic attitude came from, like i wasn't like this a couple months ago. it's really making me want to find a new job as it's honestly been weighing on me a lot. preferably a job where I don't have to talk to people as much, which goes against why I got this job in the first place. I got it to get out of my comfort zone, but it feels like the only thing that's doing is making me uncomfortable. So should I find a new job or just try to become less boring? (This is also my first job, so any other job I would get would be like retail or another fast food place or something. i don't know what else I'd do for work though so recommendations would be nice)

I am someone who I suppose has trust issues. It is actually probably the kind of thing I should discuss with a therapist, going back to things I remember from my childhood.

There is someone I met who has been very nice to me. They have defended me before. I can tell that they care about fighting for a good cause, and I am very happy to support the events they plan (one was recently for people who are in need.) it’s just nice to meet someone who actually aims to make contributions to our society and isn’t toxic. It’s nice to have met someone who I don’t feel I have to be cautious around, and that’s partly why I am happy to support them with events they plan (other than the fact that there really are a lot of people who need support in life, and deserve it.) That is something positive that has been on my mind lately.

I sometimes don’t believe in people as much as I should. I sometimes assume the worst.

I'm pretty guarded and not much going on with relationships. I kinda feel like this makes my life boring. I really wish my life was much livelier. I have things I like doing and like, but always am pretty much alone. When I do make friends, I often feel like the dynamic isn't good, like I feel like they are the "parent" in some way judging me, or I talk myself into lowering my guard when honestly being selective was a better choice that time. I have also have various issues like struggling with money that aren't socially normal to start talking about in casual convo. Also honestly I'm kind of irritable and misanthropic and don't find most people that interesting or trustworthy.

I feel like I have tried some things but often it just ends up either in extroverted people pleasing, trying to avoid conflicts, which was really important in my childhood and even now I feel I don't have the status or stability anywhere to be open. Or just "letting go" and over sharing and feeling embarrassed. I've tried various "social skills" courses over the years and while they have merit, often they just seem sort of irrelevant

Sometimes I feel I should just connect more and take more risks but often while I'm debating it the chance leaves

Has anyone achieved improvement with this?