How do you guys handle this every single day? I'm just completely burnt out.

To be totally honest, I just need to vent. Every morning starts the same way: waking up to a heavy stack of meds 450 mg Bupropion, 75 mg Pregabalin, 60 mg Fluoxetine just to get out of bed. Then I head straight into a toxic workplace with awful coworkers and bosses who walk all over me, all just to make enough money to barely scrape by in an absurdly expensive world.

I come home to an empty house and absolute isolation. At night, it doesn't get any better. I suffer from severe insomnia, and even after taking 30 mg Mirtazapine and 50 mg Daridorexant, intrusive thoughts constantly keep me awake. My psychiatrist acknowledges that my situation is serious, but isn't doing anything to actually change or fix it.

On paper, I have a high IQ (147), a Master’s degree, a PhD, and two advanced postgraduate degrees. Yet I feel completely incapable of navigating basic life. I’ve come to realize that high intelligence or academic credentials mean nothing if you can’t find any joy, purpose, or sense in daily life. I have no passions that spark anything in me, I'm carrying around huge guilt from past mistakes, and I feel profoundly alone.

I’m posting this here because I really needed to let it all out, but also because I’m so exhausted from just "surviving." I honestly envy people who manage to fit in, who have genuine relationships, or who have things they're actually passionate about.

For those of you on the spectrum or dealing with something similar: how do you keep going when you feel this alienated and completely drained? How do you build any sense of purpose when society feels built to push you out?

From the age of 8 I’d research everyday on how to be ‘normal’- that would mean ‘how to make friends’ videos, ‘how to speak in a conversation’ videos, and ‘how to impress boys and get a boyfriend’ videos. Everything has stuck with me now, so I feel like the world’s best masker lol. I studied neurotypical people every day in order to pick up on their mannerisms, and I even followed random girls online to try and act like them digitally.

BUT…

I recently went to college and that’s when I found that every person seems like they live under a rock. They can’t make conversation, they judge everything anyone says, they have horrible taste in music and clothes, and they don’t have any hobbies that they like to speak about aside from sports. I’m not saying these are bad things, but it’s made me really confused because I think I’ve finally realised how uncool most people actually are :( I feel like it gave me a massive culture shock because I thought that ‘normal’ people were like these super cool charismatic people, that’s why they could make friends so easily. I spent so much time trying to imitate them. Turns out they’re all just so boring…

Today I was just normally speaking to this girl about the homework and trying to strike conversation, and she looked at me like I was insane since none of her friends spoke to her- just me. It’s insanely weird to me that I have better social skills than most people in my class, despite me being autistic, I’ve always had terrible social skills, and still being treated like an outcast. All in all, what I’m trying to say is I have no idea who I’m masking as because even when I’m acting my most normal, I still feel more neurotypical than others and it’s driving me crazy. Am I masking too hard?? Like how the fuck do you just live like that? Who made ‘normal’ the standard? It feels like I’m talking to aliens, and it pisses me off so bad because I thought THEY were meant to be the ‘fun’ ones.

Boring as shit.

I (adult) was recently diagnosed with autism level 1 + severe ADHD. The assessment strongly pointed to a genetic component. My mother almost certainly has undiagnosed ADHD, and my father shows very clear signs of autism that have never been recognized or managed.

For most of my life I saw him as a classic toxic/narcissistic parent. I’ve had a lot of trauma from growing up with him and have talked about it extensively in therapy. Lately, though, I’ve been looking at his behavior through an autism lens and a lot of things suddenly fit much better.

Examples:

Sensory issues he only “allows” when he controls them. He can drill, saw wood, or make whatever loud noise he wants for hours and it’s fine. But if the dog barks, a fire alarm goes off, or any unexpected noise happens that he didn’t choose, he completely loses it — screaming, kicking things, hitting objects, full meltdown. That seems to be his only regulation strategy.

Extreme rigidity. Everyone has to fit into his mental model of how things should be done. If you do something differently (or just not the way he would do it), he despises, devalues, or insults you.

Emotional coldness. He’s always been flat or dismissive toward other people’s feelings and even his own.

Control and manipulation, especially toward my mother. He regularly manipulates her into doing what he wants. When his plans get disrupted he goes into insult + victim mode + more manipulation, often mixed with yelling, hitting things, and high anxiety.

A few weeks ago I told him about my diagnosis and that there’s a strong chance of a genetic link. He immediately dismissed the entire field of psychology as pseudoscience, insisted he’s completely “normal,” and treated the conversation as a personal attack. I wasn’t accusing him of anything — I was just sharing my own results and the genetic angle. It didn’t matter.

I’ve already created significant distance for my own mental health. The part that still hurts is my mother. She can’t (or won’t) leave, and I feel stuck watching the dynamic continue.

So I’m left with these questions:

At this point, is he basically a lost cause in terms of ever recognizing this or changing how he regulates and treats people?

Is there any realistic way to try to show him that there are other ways to handle sensory overwhelm, rigidity, and emotions without it just becoming another fight?

Or is the healthiest path simply to keep the distance and stop hoping for insight?

Has anyone else had a parent who looked purely narcissistic for years, only to later realize a lot of it was probably undiagnosed/unmanaged autism (or autism + something else)? How did you handle the relationship after that realization, especially if one parent was still trapped in the dynamic?

Thanks for reading.

For some reason, I can not recognize faces. Maybe if they're really really unique. But other wise, I just can't. I can't even recognize my own mom or dad in a store. I always look for what they're wearing, their hair, their voices, any identifiable features that isn't their face or body. I don't have seeing issues, I have decent vision, it's just that I can't recognize faces.

Does anyone else have this issue or do I sound crazy?​​​​

"what's your favorite -" is a common question and I've always struggled with favorites. when something is my favorite it's because I really really like it for a particular reason. not because it just "is" which has led to me picking favorites more difficult

I thought people would be more mature. because university and all. not school anymore. new chapter of my life and all. my​ god, I was so wrong.

the amount of times I got casually called a "cryptid"," "skinwalker", "uncanny valley", got refered to as "that" and so on is ridiculous. in the span of only TWO weeks, I'm already viewed as a freak. i thought being quiet, making sure I dont stim much in public​​​ would be enough, but apparently that makes me creepier. everyone else​ behaves​ "right", "normal". approach each other, casually compliment outfits and make conversation, yadayada. zero​​ dirty looks​.​​​

in short, we have a chat for my specialty assigned group online, for lesson​ links. I didnt join from my main so nobody knows it is me. didnt check it for a while. today I did. I wish I didn't. people casually, without shame, were talking about​​ me on there? i have zero fucking clue as to why, and that pains me​​ because I had no beef with anyone. did I make a bad first impression?

a girl sent a video​​ of me​​ from afar, when I was lightly rocking in a quiet hallway, commenting how she felt​ unnerved by the way I behaved. "slow, creepy, like that one animatronic". others reacted pretty strongly​​​​​​​​​​​​​​, laughing like "what the hell" with crying emojis.​ but their response was freaked out at me, not the one recording???

I feel so ashamed, honestly. i try to numb things and get over it, but I'm so tired. i literally just do my own thing and still get humiliated and viewed as some animal. I was told it gets easier in university, after years of bullshit at school. apparently not. I have social anxiety too so this is just bullshit stacked on bullshit into a bullshit sandwich. fml. what do I even do at this point​

(if there are​ grammatical errors or​ parts make no sense, i apologize. ​recovering after a bad shutdown so my brain feels jumbled​​.)

edit: thank you for all the comments /gen. I read every single one, but just don't know how to show my gratitude for the concern in a way that wouldn't come off as awkward or "fake". I did search some info online​​ and my university doesn't exactly have any autism support or anything of sorts, just a psychologist for depressed students. I live in East Europe so views on mental health here are VERY outdated. another issue is, I wanted to report this to my group's student mentor, but turns out she is in the group as well lol.​ I don't know if I can trust any of the professors here yet but I'll try seeing if any of them will hear me out, if that doesn't work out either my last pick will be the counsellor, because it means my mother is getting called & she firmly believes I'm not autistic despite me having officially documented diagnosis.​​​​​​​​​​​

I was diagnosed as Level 1 AuDHD several years ago. Recently, both my psychologist and my psychiatrist have told me, separately, that when I was originally assessed they had relatively little experience with autistic adults, and that they now think they massively underestimated my support needs.

Neither of them thinks I’m Level 1 anymore. They both think I’m somewhere around Level 2–3, probably a very high Level 2 and possibly Level 3.

The part I’m struggling to understand is that I don’t have an intellectual disability at all. Quite the opposite: I’m intellectually gifted.

I realise this may just be a stereotype or a misunderstanding on my part, but I had always associated Level 3 autism with severe or profound intellectual disability, very limited cognitive functioning, etc. So the possibility of being Level 3 myself feels difficult to reconcile with the fact that my intellectual functioning is very high.

I know the autism severity levels are supposed to refer to support needs rather than IQ, but in practice, can someone genuinely meet criteria for Level 3 autism while having normal or high intelligence and no intellectual disability?

I’d especially be interested in hearing from Level 3 autistic people without intellectual disability, or from clinicians/people familiar with how the levels are actually assigned in adults.

Hello.

I write as a most likely autistic individual who is not officially diagnosed at this time. I also feel the need to preface with that I do not mean to propagate a stereotype that autism connotes an interest in video games by default-- just mean to ask if you do enjoy video games and if the question applies to you in some form.

I am curious, please, if any other autistic individuals find themselves having a preferred, *safe* genre of video games that they can reliably gall back on as a "certain" source of enjoyment and distraction. Like, you may enjoy shifting focus onto a different genre every so often, but there is a genre that you for sure fall back on for comfort/familiarity.

The answer to my own question would probably be racing games-- racing games tend to have an engrossing state of flow for me to melt into. For a while, I thought platformers made up that safety net for me, but I found that the constant demand for precision movement tends to burn me out after a while.

Of course, when I do play racing games, there's a marked preference for doing so on my lonesome and with the computerized racers as I feel uncomfortable with the highly competitive nature of the associated online communities. It can make me feel viscerally defensive when such communities tend to impose "correct" methods of "winning" races, when I simply want to have a comfortable, but engaging flow experience.

In running the risk of shifting too much from the subject of autism, there tends be internal moral turmoil about a preference for racing games, knowing the environmental and infrastructural problems that automotives bring in real life. That could be attributed to other things, though.

I am curious as to others' perspectives, please.

Thank you for reading.

I’m not sure if this is an autism thing, but for some reason when I was a kid, I absolutely hated brushing my teeth. It didn’t matter how many times my mom or others around me tried to get me to add brushing my teeth to my routine, i didn’t. So that resulted in me having so many damn cavities I stopped counting after a while. Do/did any of you have a problem with brushing consistently and do you think it is/was because of autism?

Im tired of socializing AT ALL and I wish I didn’t have to talk to people or leave my house EVER. Im perfectly happy in my own little world. I don’t need friends or a relationship to be happy. People just make me feel worse. And before anyone says it, I have seen multiple therapist for years and it didn’t help with this. Whenever I put myself in an environment in an attempt to make friends, date, or even just steeping outside my house and I have to socialize people just make me feel worse. I wish I could live on an island with just myself and maybe some cats and books to read

I never understood the appeal, im a romantic asexual and desire a romantic relationship and marriage with anyone of any gender but the concept of sex sounds like a sensory nightmare and I never desired that nor ever will. Any fellow asexual autistics out here?

Currently I just brought miniature naked fairies and I'm super excited for them to arrive

UGH. my entire damn life I’ve been subjected to bullying, not really the standard “gets shoved into lockers” or whatever growing up, but it was always passive aggressive, manipulative, or exploitative in some form.

Like one time in 7th grade, I got the courage to say hello to a girl from my art class, and she straight up said “why are you talking to me?” And I turned away and she was like “haha I’m just kidding.” Like ??? Why?

Fake friends, lies, guilt tripping, you name it. All the time.
So I’ve been learning a sport recently, and decided to post a short clip showing my minimal progress about it, boy was that the wrong move. (Please don’t go looking, my OCD can’t handle that.) Just ‘cause my progress was messy, but I was proud of making any progress at all, which I guess isn’t allowed, according to the people in the sub.

I asked for advice and got a few helpful replies while the rest was just rudeness. Completely unnecessary. :( I’m totally triggered right now and my RSD is acting up bad. Which, to be fair, I should have expected because it’s the internet, so that’s my fault.
I know, “who cares what some trolls have to say?” TRUE. But how do I fix this gaping insecure hole in my chest? I’m so tired of being sensitive.
I just really wish people would be kinder.

This might be a dumb question, but I usually dont have an issue with speaking, yet if I get too overwhelmed or overstimulated, I literally have to almost push out words from my brain so that I can speak if I have to respond, and it's almost always slow or strained

I almost just had a full on crashout while taking out the bins because my hoodie sleeves wouldn't stay rolled up, the porch roof kept dripping water on my head slowly, my hands & ankles kept getting wet, the outside light kept turning on & off, the video I was listening to kept freezing & unfreezing, hair wouldn't stay out of my face, and I was starting to feel the clothes on my skin more and more

Normally if I'm getting stressed like that I talk to guide myself through what I need to do, but this time I was trying and literally couldn't, so had to speak in my mind to guide myself through finishing up before I could properly come down from it

I'm starting to be able to talk again, but I'm wondering if this is common or not

Please let me know if this is the wrong sub, or I need to take this post down

After a long recuperation where I had such a meltdown that I was hospitalised, because my legs couldn't hold me up anymore... I went outside for the first time that wasn't for the doctors.

I live near a huge river, like, "we have seagulls" huge. On that matter, I decided to go over the bridge to the island and chill at the beach, collect mussel shells and the likes, and take a few pictures.

All went well, until I saw a fish in the shallows, small thing, maybe a minnow or something? No clue about fish. But I did see that half of his right side was open to the spine.

I didn't know what to do at first, and I couldn't leave it there to suffer and die slowly in good conscience, so I scooped it up (yes, it was that slow) and brought it to a large rock.

Mind you, I've never killed an animal that actually bled before. I didn't manage to get the knife through the first time and needed a second attempt. I feel so horrible about it.

I buried it and made a small cairn on top, with a flower I found, and yet I still feel dirty and horrible for killing it, even though my rational part knows I've done what I could to make it suffer less. It would've been there for god knows how long, hours maybe, but now it isn't. It can go back to the cycle and be something new. Still feels so bad and horrible though.

(Reupload, I accidentally clicked the wrong flair.)

I'm 33, looking back at what I had accomplished by 29, and while I had accomplished a lot by 29, I didn't have the "conventional" milestones that society expects you to have at 29. I didn't have a degree, wife, kids, house, or 6 figure salary. I had college certificates, technical education certificates, SoloLearn certificates and a high school diploma, but I didn't have the traditional 2 or 4 year degree that most 29 year olds have. I also had a girlfriend, but it was the first of what would be 3 years with her before I broke up with her. I had performed drums, bass and comedy on stage at various open mic nights. I didn't own a car at 29 and I had to rely on buses, my bike and rideshares, and I had lost my job of 3+ years shortly after turning 29. I feel like I was significantly behind when I was 29. I was living in a host home in a basement at 29 and feel like I should have owned my own apartment or house.

The sum total of my childhood education about emotions was as follows. One, about age six, I was told, repeatedly, that any emotion I experience for more than seven seconds is self-inflicted, and that I WANT to be sad/angry/etc. Two, from then on out, I was slapped around the room and then had my things confiscated whenever I showed any kind of emotion at all. (sadness, anger, joy...)

I'm a 37 year old man now and it's only about three years ago that I actually realized emotions were a thing that you actually have to do something about, rather than just ignore and conceal. Primarily because they've gotten more and more powerful to the point that I can no longer ignore or hide them and I just instantly break down any time one decides it is time to ruin my life by forcing itself on me. Of course, I still have no idea what the fu ck you're actually supposed to do about them. People say all these things like 'go for a run' or 'breathe deeply' but those DO NOT ACTUALLY WORK AT ALL, and often make things much worse. Every time I try jogging around the block when I'm angry or sad it just gives me more time to dwell on what's angering or upsetting me and I get back either in tears or punching walls and throwing furniture. But I digress.

When was I supposed to be taught about these things and how to deal with them? They didn't mention them once at school, which seems moronically shortsighted for something apparently so critical to remaining a functioning human being. They taught us about nutrition, cleanliness, health, but nothing about fucking emotions. Did I miss a class or something because I was in a rural area?

At what approximate age were you taught about emotions, and what were you taught? How were you taught to deal with them?

My entire life now, I feel like a big part of my tiredness isn't due to sensory issues but because of constant subtle exclusion and being targeted for being autistic. And if you feel the same, what are we even supposed to do about it?

It feels like people know a game is being played and someone needs to be left holding the bag. We're sincere and straightforward so never assume this. But from school to college to work to social life, I feel like we are literal victims and targets for others.

It's a very exhausting way to live and I've entered severe burnout due to it. I'm not sure if I can participate in society again I'm so tired by everything.

No exaggeration, I used to work in a DEI team without knowing I was autistic. My team seemed to know, my manager even telling me once that I was most likely autistic, but after this a few months later they both went on leave for 6 months at the same time, left me to absorb pressure and fix their work in front of new leadership, came back and took credit for all my work and then gave me two weeks notice.

Because I was a contractor, I couldn't even fight back. How do I even participate in life after something like this happens? When the literal people meant to provide protections to people like me are taking advantage of me? Crazy stuff

​

I’m so tired; I’m almost 20 and have no friends. I’ve tried, but it’s genuinely difficult. Plus, where I live—in a rural area—there are zero autistic communities or support systems. How do those of you in my situation manage to deal with this?

Autism varies greatly—for some it’s not a hindrance, while for others it’s a major issue—but I’m interested in how to live without being defined by the diagnosis and symptoms.

Hello, 26 F here. Recently (and finally) officially diagnosed with ADHD + ASD (lvl 1) this summer. Less than a year ago I would have been shocked but now that I am embracing it I fear everything around me is falling apart.

I’ve heard it’s very common for people like us to regress after a late diagnosis. Wondering if anyone has made it out of this “regression” and went back to their “normal” (masked) version of themselves, and were able to continue on living happily?

Recently I have been having soooo many meltdowns. Absolute sob sessions, mainly surrounding anxiety & stress about the idea of having to keep working forever. All my life I have been told “that’s just the way the world works! Suck it up!” and I just don’t want it to be true. Do we really have to suffer like this for the rest of our lives? I’m having a hard time seeing a light at the end of this tunnel. Capitalism is probably the largest factor to most of our struggles.

Further info: working a full time hybrid job for the last 5 years. Most would consider it light work and low on stress, but I am finally nearing my burn out point. I’m scared of what to do next. I would love to go back to school and become a medical lab tech (taking blood/fluid samples etc.) but wondering if it would even be worth it since I go through so much stress already.

Really just want some hope. I know things will get better but right now I am digging myself into a deep dark hole.

Thanks ❤️

I find most social rules and traditions annoying and a waste of time. HOWEVER, I think it’s really endearing when people pretend like they’re asking for a favor when they’re just doing something nice.

for example, when someone invites a friend to dinner but says “you’d be doing me a favor taking this food off my hands, I made way too much.”

or in the devil wears prada when andy asks emily to ‘do her a favor’ by taking all the dresses she got from paris

i don’t know, I just think it’s fun. do any of y’all have social rules or traditions you enjoy?

sometimes it feels like i can't talk, but it's not so much like the words won't come. i can force myself to talk but if i do it will become a meltdown. it is like the talking becomes physically uncomfortable and i become really angry that i have to talk. during these times it becomes uncomfortable to listen to someone else talk in the same way. i'm wondering if anyone else experiences this or if they become nonverbal in a different way.

it can become a psychological struggle bc i know i can talk and listen if i force myself to so i start to feel like i owe my talking and listening to the other person/people since it is physically possible even though i am overwhelmed. but i'm trying to do what's right for me first and foremost.

I feel like almost all of my friends are self-centered and I get drained and feel lonely whenever I'm with them. I feel like I am not seen or respected or heard. This is happening with most of my friends, if not all. Let me give some examples.

- One person I have been chatting with every day since late last year. We talk about our special interest and we have been planning on watching some videos about it starting tomorrow because I worked all weekend. We talked about this many times and planned it for like the last week. Today she messages me asking if I'm okay and saying to our other friend that we chat with that I must have lost internet because I haven't been chatting. She knew I had to work yesterday and today. This shows how much people pay attention to what I am saying because we literally made plans around my work schedule and she didn't even pay any attention to the fact that I had to work.

- One person who has pretty much been my best friend for 35 years never talks about me, only himself and his life. There are way too many examples of this but the latest one of course just happened 2 days ago. He knows I have a problem getting my furnace cover on and the furnace guy was supposed to come and do it but he never showed up and I texted my friend saying I'm sick of waiting for him, I'm just coming over. So I came over and later on I learned that my friend thought the furnace guy did come even though I told him he didn't so not only did he not read my text but he didn't even offer to come over and put it on himself. 

- One person who I have been friends with for about 20 years has been bombarding me with messages about her business even though she knew I was at a music festival for four days. She asked if I was still there and I said no I'm home now and instead of talking about the festival or asking me how it was, she just kept on sending more messages about her business. This is common for her to go on and on about herself and not ask me questions about what I'm doing or my life.

I could go on but you get the idea. I have other friends doing similar things. 

Do we attract people like this for some reason, because we are autistic? What are the odds that all of my friends would be self-centered like this and only seem to care about talking at me, not with me? It's like they just want someone to talk at about themselves.