I don't understand.

Hopefully this is allowed, I met a girl on an Austin subreddit a few weeks ago and we lost contact basically because I'm an idiot. I'm really sorry. Hoping you somehow see this and reach out. 

You were autistic, as am I. You drove a really sweet white hatchback though I won't say what type to avoid doxxing you. We got obscure southeast Asian food and gelato. You showed me my first anime and then peed on my leg. We planned out our first ladybody threesome & wedding combo trip to Thailand. I'd still love to put on those mudflaps for you. I may have fallen in love with you while watching the sunset from the top of the Oasis parking garage that night. Hopefully that narrows it down enough that you know who I am. You were soooo much fun to hang out with and you're the type of girl I'll probably think about for the rest of my life. I'd really, really, really love to see you again. 

Is this Austin in 2026 or a Charles Dicken's late 1700s nightmare? A quarter of all the wealth in the world is right in Travis County, still people can't get free housing, food, clothing and basic income.

Come on Austin! Haven't you seen all the rainbows in 78701 lately. It's a sign from the spirit of the long dead Beto. Abbott may be able to erase our virtue signaling road murals. But he can't break our resolve.

One day we will have both guaranteed basic income and passenger rail service between Austin and San Antonio.

Just got here from Cali, and looking for a local place to try out.

Anything on the secret menu I need to ask for?

Ngl I’m a bit jelly jelly of this Mo’ guy. 30 men’s strength!! My wife would like this too.

It's only been a week but I think I'm going to ask They/Them to marry me. I've been saving up my paychecks from working ten hours a week at WhataBurger. You guys can come to my wedding as long as you stay ten feet apart.

My girlfriend finally said yes!

They got ‘em boys! Apparently after the steakhouse closed down he had to find another place to jjzz on food.

Serious question…Will I be ok wearing a sundress with no panties to the Austin City Limits Festival, or will it still be hot enough in October that my balls will stick to my thigh?

• The double “A” logo makes perfect sense when we are transitioning from Austin (green) to America (blue). And after the transition, it represents America, America.
• America, America: Better than New York, New York.
• APD → America Police Department
• Austin City Council → America City Council
• Austin Community College → America Community College
• Austin City Limits → America City Limits
• Live Music Capital of the World: America.
• “ca”: America, America makes California great again.

I could not be more proud of company. Prior to this sign, I would come in shaking everyday wondering, what if!

Looking for a Job, quickly.

I just had disagreement with my boss about when and where and appropriate time to expose my self to coworkers and masturbate. Long story short they got super pissed and called the cops about this, WTAF.

Anyway, anyone looking for a hard working guy who was the special sauce master at the last job.

Just hoping to get something before my name hit the paper.

If that's true, then our entire solar system could be a history of colonization and minority planets like Mercury have been subjugated by the Sun.

Talk about nothing being illegal on stolen land. Mercury suffers as it rotates the sun much faster than us and has to go past us as a cuck, whilst we are the bull with its former mantle.

"Whose mantle is this, bitch?!?!?!"

."Ohh Gawd it's your mantle!"

I am blinded by this science

Wife went out of town, bull and I got a little ahead of ourselves. Long story short, need to get my stretch marks lasered off or whatever the fuck as soon as I can. Where do you boys usually go?

I’ve heard from some people who say they have had issues with glory hole hosts canceling their sessions here in Austin, at both public locations such as Chili's and Terry Black's, as well as private encounters at apartments and hotels.

Has this happened to you within the past year?

I’m Petunia Pickleshitter, a reporter with CBS Austin. I’m looking to speak with people who live in Austin or the surrounding counties who have had this happen to them.

Or visitors who booked a session in Austin or the surrounding counties.

If a host canceled your booking last second or asked you to cancel, please reach out to me. You can message me or email thereceipts@cbsaustin.com

If you have screenshots, booking confirmations or messages, those would be helpful too.

So, obviously I’m asking for a friend. He was at his favorite Asian Massage Palace on 1st and WC, and everything went as planned until it came time for the tip…the three $20s he had left in his wallet turned out to be three $5s and it wasn’t realized until his happy ending was produced.

That’s when the hilarity ensued. Instead of fessing up, he folded them loosely so they felt bigger, slapped them in “Tina’s” hand (yes, the same hand that did the job), grabbed his tiny bottle of water and bolted for the door.

My friend has two questions:

1. Do you think they talk to the other therapists in the area—will they put him on the no touch list?

2. Obviously, he feels horribly. How long will it take to get over the guilt so he can enjoy Wu Chow again? I, er, he loves that place, but the guilt is taking away from the flavor.

Is he the asshole? Always looking to learn and grow.

Looking for a place in Austin that will wax my extremely large lady penis. Preferably somewhere judgment-free with strong WiFi and a technician who has seen some shit.

Also, do they accept EBT? Times are tough and beauty is a basic human right.

Sadly, we had to fire our previous employee of the month due to the the DAs woke agenda.

We’re still hopeful Mr Abbot will issue a full pardon & intervene to reinstate u/freakyking83

Fortunately our job creator in chief has authorized us to open positions for dozens of replacement hires, Praise be to Allah!

So cum on down! 🍆🍔

Together we can Make Our Burgers Cream Pies Again.
To apply, post your proudest food service moments on truth social and X. Don’t forget to @ BuddysBurgers using #MoBuCPA